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Worst funniest sexual experience
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Let's not lie, we've all had at least one moment, so I'll kick it off....
I'd recently moved up north and finally achieved a meet with a northern local lass. All week she was saying how tight her pussy was going to be round my cock etc etc, now I won't boast, but I'm above average and content with my lot. Anyway, the moment arrived, she came over and things quickly developed...she was still telling me how tight she was, the truth was exactly the opposite she was so slack that I could of put both hands in and still clap.
The funniest bit was I was so keen to get it over with that no matter what I did the ending was never going to cum.. Safe to say she left disappointed. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No Sirree, I'm sorry to say this (ok actually I'm not in the slightest) but Beavis has cooler moves tbf.
To start with if it was that unsatisfying, why the hell did you see said meet through IF she was blatantly lying? Also it seems that with her repeatedly assuring you supposedly of her all-round twat tightness it seems you prioritise this pretty highly to garner such information...Like it's a prerequisite of yours if you will. However given the fact you obviously possess such a massive schlong why would this be so highly sought after in the first place? Something else not stacking up...
Oh and just to pull you up on your geography, Worksop is in Nottinghamshire, which is in the East midlands and not the north at all.
I could go on all night, but I have far more important things to do really, as the tiles in the bathroom simply won't count themselves unfortunately.
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A gentleman I see. Forever grateful was she for your mightier than average girth, sword of utter doom, not filling her up?
“Worst funniest sexual experience” I feel shortchanged.
My turn:
My county is littered with burns, streams, waterfalls - strode over by ancient stone bridges. In 2006 I was ravishing someone against one and the git Police turned up. Turned out a fucking farmer called them and declared us witches. The full version of that story makes for a better read. To be fair to git Five-0 they were nice and polite and clearly had nothing better to do than watch me ravish a beautiful women and cock block me as my whole towns houses were burgled.
What I like about sex is the conjoining of two souls and two beings entwined in moments that seem eternal. I rarely come across that so I chose to wait on the rare. It can be a lonely existence.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK, I apologise to all the ladies who appear to be offended in one way or another... That wasn't my intention nor was there any hidden agenda to the post, I genuinely intended to share and read some experiences. I look back on situation and can only laugh at how bad the sex was from both parties.
I guess there is a moral to the tale... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK, I apologise to all the ladies who appear to be offended in one way or another... That wasn't my intention nor was there any hidden agenda to the post, I genuinely intended to share and read some experiences. I look back on situation and can only laugh at how bad the sex was from both parties.
I guess there is a moral to the tale..."
Yep, don't slag people off about their bodies who've given you their time and access to that body.... especially on a public forum for all to see. It's poor form.
P
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"OK, I apologise to all the ladies who appear to be offended in one way or another... That wasn't my intention nor was there any hidden agenda to the post, I genuinely intended to share and read some experiences. I look back on situation and can only laugh at how bad the sex was from both parties.
I guess there is a moral to the tale...
Yep, don't slag people off about their bodies who've given you their time and access to that body.... especially on a public forum for all to see. It's poor form.
P
"
This 
Some of your other threads are funny ... but sorry matey... this one was poorer form |
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"Let's not lie, we've all had at least one moment, so I'll kick it off....
I'd recently moved up north and finally achieved a meet with a northern local lass. All week she was saying how tight her pussy was going to be round my cock etc etc, now I won't boast, but I'm above average and content with my lot. Anyway, the moment arrived, she came over and things quickly developed...she was still telling me how tight she was, the truth was exactly the opposite she was so slack that I could of put both hands in and still clap.
The funniest bit was I was so keen to get it over with that no matter what I did the ending was never going to cum.. Safe to say she left disappointed. Lol"
Doubt she was disappointed, she was hoping to find a big knob, and lo and behold she did  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mine's not quite like that. And it wasn't to do with fab. It was when i was younger and me and a guy i had met (one night stand) drove to a local woodland to get some privacy and well....sex! But instead of doing it in his car he decided to lay blanket down on the car park floor (ever prepared) and as we are doing the dirty there was suddenly a bright light shone in our faces, it was the police. They told us to get dressed and move on. Luckily we got let go and just drove to a farmers field and did it in the field. I lost a pair of knickers at that car park that night lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyways i thought fab was a place for no judgement, doesn't matter body size, small cock, big cock, tight or loose fanny, we're here as one big horny community, right?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyways i thought fab was a place for no judgement, doesn't matter body size, small cock, big cock, tight or loose fanny, we're here as one big horny community, right?!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was once taking this lovely girl from behind nice and slow, rhythmically, smoking a spliff with loads of hashish crumbled into it. A big orange red hot rock fell and landed perfectly bullseye into her brown eye and she kept up squealing. After an apology she thankfully saw the funny side and we both pissed ourselves laughing. More than made it up to her tbf |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was once taking this lovely girl from behind nice and slow, rhythmically, smoking a spliff with loads of hashish crumbled into it. A big orange red hot rock fell and landed perfectly bullseye into her brown eye and she kept up squealing. After an apology she thankfully saw the funny side and we both pissed ourselves laughing. More than made it up to her tbf "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A friend of mine had a weird fetish/like or what ever you want to call it.He liked girls to try and force a fanny fart out while he was licking them out.He said it was a huge turn on and he liked the vibrations on his tounge.
Cutting a long story short his now mrs did it with a upset stomach and ended up covering him with about a pint of the liquid brown stuff.
They don't try that anymore  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A few years ago I was having sex with my then-girlfriend. She was being rather noisy, and her roommates were home, so I told her to just bite my hand and then I raised my game. She reached complete ecstasy and bit my hand. I ended up with six stitches.
Disclaimer: copied from another site. Sorry lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Let's not lie, we've all had at least one moment, so I'll kick it off....
I'd recently moved up north and finally achieved a meet with a northern local lass. All week she was saying how tight her pussy was going to be round my cock etc etc, now I won't boast, but I'm above average and content with my lot. Anyway, the moment arrived, she came over and things quickly developed...she was still telling me how tight she was, the truth was exactly the opposite she was so slack that I could of put both hands in and still clap.
The funniest bit was I was so keen to get it over with that no matter what I did the ending was never going to cum.. Safe to say she left disappointed. Lol"
When my ex went down on me n I farted in his face, I’m glad I did it now the cheating shit |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Let's not lie, we've all had at least one moment, so I'll kick it off....
I'd recently moved up north and finally achieved a meet with a northern local lass. All week she was saying how tight her pussy was going to be round my cock etc etc, now I won't boast, but I'm above average and content with my lot. Anyway, the moment arrived, she came over and things quickly developed...she was still telling me how tight she was, the truth was exactly the opposite she was so slack that I could of put both hands in and still clap.
The funniest bit was I was so keen to get it over with that no matter what I did the ending was never going to cum.. Safe to say she left disappointed. Lol"
Why would you say that about a women that's just wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK, I apologise to all the ladies who appear to be offended in one way or another... That wasn't my intention nor was there any hidden agenda to the post, I genuinely intended to share and read some experiences. I look back on situation and can only laugh at how bad the sex was from both parties.
I guess there is a moral to the tale..."
I once saw a pack of 6 dogs sniffing around a grove of trees hoping to rise out a rabbit. Eventually the rabbit emerged and tried to dart past the dogs but ran too close to one of them, a young dog that was close to the bottom of the packs' pecking order. This naive dog caught the rabbit by one of it's hind legs as the other dogs rushed towards them. The rabbit began to squirm vigorously and broke free before the rest of the pack got close and it escaped into a dense wood.
When the other dogs reached the naive dog who had failed to hold on to the rabbit, they one by one began to nip and bite the failed hunter,even the dogs below him in the pack, who would probably have been outwitted by the rabbit just as easily.
The dog knew he had messes up as soon as the first of the pack ( the head dog ) had chastised him. He cowered, dropped his ears and put his tail between his legs in submission long before the other dogs joined in to punish him. I got the feeling that most of the dogs that joined in were doing so more to impress the pack than because they were as annoyed as the the leader.
The OP made a bad call mocking an anonymous lady about a part of her body. Fairly soon into being chastised about it he posted the apology quoted above. I think it's safe to say he's learnt his lesson. Is nipping and biting him any further now going to add to the lesson he has learned or will it just overload the bandwagon ?  |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"OK, I apologise to all the ladies who appear to be offended in one way or another... That wasn't my intention nor was there any hidden agenda to the post, I genuinely intended to share and read some experiences. I look back on situation and can only laugh at how bad the sex was from both parties.
I guess there is a moral to the tale...
I once saw a pack of 6 dogs sniffing around a grove of trees hoping to rise out a rabbit. Eventually the rabbit emerged and tried to dart past the dogs but ran too close to one of them, a young dog that was close to the bottom of the packs' pecking order. This naive dog caught the rabbit by one of it's hind legs as the other dogs rushed towards them. The rabbit began to squirm vigorously and broke free before the rest of the pack got close and it escaped into a dense wood.
When the other dogs reached the naive dog who had failed to hold on to the rabbit, they one by one began to nip and bite the failed hunter,even the dogs below him in the pack, who would probably have been outwitted by the rabbit just as easily.
The dog knew he had messes up as soon as the first of the pack ( the head dog ) had chastised him. He cowered, dropped his ears and put his tail between his legs in submission long before the other dogs joined in to punish him. I got the feeling that most of the dogs that joined in were doing so more to impress the pack than because they were as annoyed as the the leader.
The OP made a bad call mocking an anonymous lady about a part of her body. Fairly soon into being chastised about it he posted the apology quoted above. I think it's safe to say he's learnt his lesson. Is nipping and biting him any further now going to add to the lesson he has learned or will it just overload the bandwagon ? "
How do you know he's learnt his lesson what he said was ghastly he loves the phrase lol as he over uses it |
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