FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Who should travel or pay?
Who should travel or pay?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Parent A and B shared equal custody of the kids.
Parent A lives in Inverness with the kids. Parent B moved to Spain.
Parent A kept the house in lieu of child support, so has no child support 'income' in that respect. Mortgage still has to be paid.
Both parents work full time, kids are still in school.
Parent B wants Parent A to bring the kids to visit them. The visit to Spain will be over £1,000 due to travel to an airport, flights, hotels, time off work etc.
How can this be resolved? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Parent B has moved from the children’s home so should be responsible for travel in my opinion unless they’ve made another arrangement. The full time parent should not be footing this bill. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
"
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc."
Does parent A want to go? |
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Me and my ex have an agreement on travel, admittedly we only live 40 miles away from each other. But one collects on Friday the other on Sunday to take them home.
In your case a lot more complex but surely some splitting the costs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc.
Does parent A want to go? "
Parent A wants the kids to see parent B. But does not want to take time off work, pay for travel etc to sit in a hotel for a week.
Kids happiness are the priority though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay. |
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I’m assuming that the nipper will be staying with parent B
I’m guessing parent A dosent need to stay in Spain, so only guessing but with loads of cheap flights I would imaging you could get all the flights and travel to airport for maybe between £200-£400 ( depending on where of course )
Would only need to book 2 holiday day off in work ( of course that’s a pain )
So split then and maybe £200 each at the most.
Of course this is an unexpected or last min request, then parent B pay the full amount
Don’t think there is any need for a hotel |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Me and my ex have an agreement on travel, admittedly we only live 40 miles away from each other. But one collects on Friday the other on Sunday to take them home.
In your case a lot more complex but surely some splitting the costs."
Just a hypothetical question due to an issue a friend has, not me. Locations changed but his situation is the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Obviously if they can afford to split or do it differently but it’s a lot to ask.
Why a lot to ask? Of who?"
It is a lot to ask the primary parent to take over the every day life, pay the mortgage and have no financial support and then to foot the bill for travel as well. There’s not a balance there. They’ve gotten to pursue their new life far away at the expense of lack of time with their child, they should be doing all they can to pull some weight in my opinion. If the parent who’s left behind with the kids can do it without it hurting financially, I can see why they’d do it for the sake of peace and the kids, but they shouldn’t be obligated to have their ex dictate where they spend their family holiday and money just because the ex has moved far away. |
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If parent B really wants to see the children then parent B could travel to here and stay here .... this is not about 'seeing' the children. There are more parent needs going on than we know about. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does parent B normally travel to see the kids in Inverness? Then I think parent B should pay, they did choose to move far away from the family home"
No travel so far. Both parents lived only 10 miles apart before one moved.
Parent B moved 3 months ago and kids have only spoken to them on the phone since. |
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc.
Does parent A want to go?
Parent A wants the kids to see parent B. But does not want to take time off work, pay for travel etc to sit in a hotel for a week.
Kids happiness are the priority though. "
Lot of respect for Parent A  hopefully Parent B understands and can come to an arrangement.
What's Parent B view have they offered anything or not discussed it yet ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay."
No the kids aren't old enough to travel alone. Also they've only flown once and were scared so not a good situation to travel alone even with airline assistance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If both parents really loved those kids.
I mean really loved them and put the kids upbringing in front of any of their own desires then they would have learned to get on with each other and never create the division in the first place.
Admittedly some relationships are not worth saving but too many relationships end due to trivial things and selfishness by the parents.
Old fashioned thinking but I have seen far too many good people spoil a good thing and confuse their kids about life.
In answer to the OP. If it was me I would try to make my own arrangements and cover the cost myself. |
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I'd tell parent B to f*co off,if they had young children why did they move to Spain. It's up to them to pay their own travel costs back to the UK to see their children or if they want the children to go over there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Parent B should be coming to pick up kids and paying all the children's travel costs, as they chose to move abroad. "
Or else coming over and paying their own costs for accommodation while seeing kids
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays.
There is nothing to decide or resolve.
"
Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids.
Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't.
Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays.
There is nothing to decide or resolve.
Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids.
Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't.
Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit."
Parent B is a bit of an arse |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Obviously if they can afford to split or do it differently but it’s a lot to ask.
Why a lot to ask? Of who?
It is a lot to ask the primary parent to take over the every day life, pay the mortgage and have no financial support and then to foot the bill for travel as well. There’s not a balance there. They’ve gotten to pursue their new life far away at the expense of lack of time with their child, they should be doing all they can to pull some weight in my opinion. If the parent who’s left behind with the kids can do it without it hurting financially, I can see why they’d do it for the sake of peace and the kids, but they shouldn’t be obligated to have their ex dictate where they spend their family holiday and money just because the ex has moved far away. "
Ok thanks for explaining. I agree with this and told my friend (parent A) but he still feels guilty about not wanting/ being able to make the trip at such cost/ time off work etc. -As per your last sentence. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If parent B really wants to see the children then parent B could travel to here and stay here .... this is not about 'seeing' the children. There are more parent needs going on than we know about. "
What kind of needs? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc.
Does parent A want to go?
Parent A wants the kids to see parent B. But does not want to take time off work, pay for travel etc to sit in a hotel for a week.
Kids happiness are the priority though.
Lot of respect for Parent A hopefully Parent B understands and can come to an arrangement.
What's Parent B view have they offered anything or not discussed it yet ? "
Parent B offered to pay half. But £500 to 'deliver the kids' - it's not a holiday- is making my friend feel bad. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids.
Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing.
If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday"
S |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If both parents really loved those kids.
I mean really loved them and put the kids upbringing in front of any of their own desires then they would have learned to get on with each other and never create the division in the first place.
Admittedly some relationships are not worth saving but too many relationships end due to trivial things and selfishness by the parents.
Old fashioned thinking but I have seen far too many good people spoil a good thing and confuse their kids about life.
In answer to the OP. If it was me I would try to make my own arrangements and cover the cost myself. "
Not sure what division you mean. They had amicable equal custody until one parent decided to move.
Parent with the kids who still lives here, wants the kids to see the other parent but is struggling. |
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays.
There is nothing to decide or resolve.
Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids.
Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't.
Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit.
Parent B is a bit of an arse"
My initial thought was a wee bit stronger than an arse. If I moved abroad which I wouldn't if my children were under 18,then I certainly wouldn't expect the other parent to cough up half. It would be my own fault I'd moved so far away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Erm
..
How old is child... as alot of companies have staff that will accompany minors on flights.
My nephew often used to fly from middle east to uk. He even went from middle east to new zealand to visit family friends
..
Problem solved |
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For me it is B, they choose to move away. So they should collect or visit the children from A
Parent A shouldn’t have to travel or waste their holiday time from work, which is precious with children to look after |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids.
Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing.
If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday"
S"
No parent B doesn't contribute to any holiday costs.
Who should foot the 100%? Parent who has to travel with kids or parent who moved? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Parent B should be travelling over here then, the fact the kids don't like to travel and parent A would be out of pocket isn't fair.
If they really insisted and parent A was willing to travel then they should be paying, they're the ones who made travel be a thing by moving, they could've stayed in the UK close to their kids. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Erm
..
How old is child... as alot of companies have staff that will accompany minors on flights.
My nephew often used to fly from middle east to uk. He even went from middle east to new zealand to visit family friends
..
Problem solved "
They are 14 & under and afraid of flying so not ideal to fly alone. Trip would be 2 separate flights each way, due to rural location.
I know other kids who have flown 'assisted' but the airline only assists them in the airport. When in their seat on the plane they are alone. Airline staff don't sit with them. |
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"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc."
I've just spent 2 weeks in very rural France and.djd.aomwtjing most days. Just because it's not a traditional tourist place doesn't mean it's not a holiday.
How old are the children? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it.
In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next.
That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved.
If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution.
I know that if I wanted to share time with my child:
a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and
b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals
Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If both parents really loved those kids.
I mean really loved them and put the kids upbringing in front of any of their own desires then they would have learned to get on with each other and never create the division in the first place.
Admittedly some relationships are not worth saving but too many relationships end due to trivial things and selfishness by the parents.
Old fashioned thinking but I have seen far too many good people spoil a good thing and confuse their kids about life.
In answer to the OP. If it was me I would try to make my own arrangements and cover the cost myself.
Not sure what division you mean. They had amicable equal custody until one parent decided to move.
Parent with the kids who still lives here, wants the kids to see the other parent but is struggling. "
By popular opinion on the thread Parent B is the unreasonable 1 here, which I would agree.
After reading the OP again why should Parent A have to do that. If Parent B wants to see the kids take time off and get your arse over.
It seems people are busy acting savage, busy and heartless these days.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay."
Exactly this!
Op, I’m in a very similar situation to this. |
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Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child.
Should have worked harder on the relationship "
That's not what I meant |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Parent A and B shared equal custody of the kids.
Parent A lives in Inverness with the kids. Parent B moved to Spain.
Parent A kept the house in lieu of child support, so has no child support 'income' in that respect. Mortgage still has to be paid.
Both parents work full time, kids are still in school.
Parent B wants Parent A to bring the kids to visit them. The visit to Spain will be over £1,000 due to travel to an airport, flights, hotels, time off work etc.
How can this be resolved?"
Parent B as they took the choice to move to Spain, if they still want contact with the kids they need to pay. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it.
In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next.
That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved.
If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution.
I know that if I wanted to share time with my child:
a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and
b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals
Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy"
What do you mean 'financial responsibility remains shared'? There's no child support of any kind. House was transferred.
Both had equal custody before, so shared food costs I guess.
No possibility of cheaper flights due to location. Actual total cost of the trip is nearer £2,000 but I thought that might skew people's opinions so I said it was less.
I need unbiased thoughts. Due to the massive cost and other issues I think parent B is an utter arse, but that's not going to help my friend.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay.
Exactly this!
Op, I’m in a very similar situation to this. "
Sorry to hear that.  x |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids.
Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing.
If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday"
S
No parent B doesn't contribute to any holiday costs.
Who should foot the 100%? Parent who has to travel with kids or parent who moved?"
Parent B, In effect they want the kids "On holiday" with them but don't want to pay for it.In my view if A says "Kids want to go to Disney can you pay half?" & they did then this trip should be split 50/50 as they don't contribute normally then they should pay for this holiday as that is what it will be like for the kids.
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are kids old enough to travel on their own? I don't think it's fair that parent A should be on their own in a different country when they don't have to and even pay for being there. As someone above me said parent B decided to move away so I think it's their responsibility to pay.
Exactly this!
Op, I’m in a very similar situation to this.
Sorry to hear that. x"
Thanks, but it is what it is.
My ex chose to move country, pays no maintenance. If he wants our child to visit, he pays. End of.
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo "
I agree re: being civilised. Parent B is blaming A on not being able to pay the huge cost/ get time off work, yet won't visit here. It's difficult to be unbiased. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Parent B moves to Spain knowing they will still need/want to see the kids.
Do they contribute if parent A takes them on holiday? It pretty much amounts to the same thing.
If they don't then they foot 100% of this "Holiday"
S
No parent B doesn't contribute to any holiday costs.
Who should foot the 100%? Parent who has to travel with kids or parent who moved?
Parent B, In effect they want the kids "On holiday" with them but don't want to pay for it.In my view if A says "Kids want to go to Disney can you pay half?" & they did then this trip should be split 50/50 as they don't contribute normally then they should pay for this holiday as that is what it will be like for the kids.
S"
Thanks for clarifying.  |
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child.
Should have worked harder on the relationship "
Seriously !
You know what sometimes it’s just for the best for all concerned, including the kid if go their separate ways.
The kid now has two happy, safe environments to enjoy, as well as happy adults around. They learn and see that yes sometimes things don’t work out and tough choices need to be made, but it’s for the best. You can still be civil and do the best for the child you both bought into this world. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Parent b made a decision to move abroad and has to accept the consequences of that move. Those include either coming here to visit or paying the costs for parent A.
It isn’t fair to blame parent A because they can’t afford it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Parent a and parent b both behave like adults and compromise for the sake of the child.
Should have worked harder on the relationship
That's not what I meant"
You have the modern attitude on relationships.
That's ok if it's made you happy or anyone else it has made happier.
A time will come when this attitude will become old fashioned and then what ?
I will probably be a dinosaur by then. Extinct  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Simple parent b moved away...parent b wants to see children parent b sorts it out.
Parent a provides day to day costs.
The ex lives 250miles away. He
Wants to see child he travels .. its that simple. Judge agreed. |
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I am presuming parent b has the time of work so simple say to them that it would be cheaper for them to fly to you and spend a week with their kids here. Have the conversation with your kids telling them you cant afford to pay to go over to parent b but they are more than welcome to come to them to visit in there hometown.
Similar situation with my ex when my son was younger. My agreement was he could fly to me and no matter how long he stayed he had his son  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simple parent b moved away...parent b wants to see children parent b sorts it out.
Parent a provides day to day costs.
The ex lives 250miles away. He
Wants to see child he travels .. its that simple. Judge agreed."
We are unanimous on that then |
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Tbh I think it’s pretty poor that parent B moved to another country instead of staying around to bring up his/her child/children!
Even after a breakup the priority should always be the children!
But if parent B wants to see his/her child/children in Spain then of course he or she should pay - and should be making sure that he/she has regular visits with his/her children!
Parent A has my sympathy and admiration! My kids dad is far from perfect but at least he’s around and has his children regularly! |
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"Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo
Sounds like your mind is made up. Parent B is unreasonable in your opinion. We don’t know all the facts so our opinions are null.
I agree re: being civilised. Parent B is blaming A on not being able to pay the huge cost/ get time off work, yet won't visit here. It's difficult to be unbiased. "
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"Parent A should pay. Parent A should take the kids on holiday. Parent B should accommodate, feed & entertain parent A & the kids for a week or two as thanks for bringing them out there. Parents A & B shall remain civilised and behave like adults, this setting a good example to the children. Win win imo "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it.
In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next.
That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved.
If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution.
I know that if I wanted to share time with my child:
a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and
b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals
Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy
What do you mean 'financial responsibility remains shared'? There's no child support of any kind. House was transferred.
Both had equal custody before, so shared food costs I guess.
No possibility of cheaper flights due to location. Actual total cost of the trip is nearer £2,000 but I thought that might skew people's opinions so I said it was less.
I need unbiased thoughts. Due to the massive cost and other issues I think parent B is an utter arse, but that's not going to help my friend. "
OK, so I misread the first bit, but the 2nd part still stands
Parenting by proxy is not an acceptable position imho
If Parent B won't budge, then parent A should explain that saving up in required and the child needs to understand that because Parent B expects but isn't prepared to contribute, then visits will not be often
Not that it is their problem, but are there grandparents that can assist, specifically Parent B's?
Is there any common ground for meeting in the middle? |
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By *coxy69Man
over a year ago
Stone |
Having been in a similar situation some years ago I’m going to sum this up in one word...
Compromise!
I know it’s difficult but yo need to discuss it with the other parent and come to a compromise that suits you both.
That may mean that the parent without custody travels (only one person traveling must be the cheapest option)
Or you fly out but only pay for yourself?
I know it’s not easy but remember you loved each other once |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are the children of an age where they could travel with assistance and parent B meets them at the airport?
Would parent A be happy /comfortable with this??
Or
Could Parent B pay for the flights of the children if parent A was also going to Spain |
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In the uk you would take the hit on travel costs without much thought - that was the uk agreement
However, since parent B decided to live abroad, therefore creating an ‘ unreasonable travel expense’ I think it should be up to both the split the cost. |
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Parent B chose to move to a different country, far away from their children. Therefore it should be parent B's responsibility to make arrangements to see their children. If they can't afford to do so then they shouldn't have moved in the first place.
I'm in a similar situation. |
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Having read the entire thread.
There is no indication that parent B moved away due to necessity, such as to care for family or in order to get work, then the answer might be different.
Therefore parent B should be paying, whether they stay in the UK or take the children back with them.
Alternatively, arrange an alternative time which allows A time save enough to contribute half the flight costs. |
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By *T_LEECouple (MM)
over a year ago
near you |
"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc."
My parents divorced and my dad moved overseas.
My mum would drop us of at Bristol airport and my dad would collect us the other end.
Airlines were very good at looking after children traveling.
Parent A really doesn’t need to go if they don’t want to .
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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago
button moon |
"Will parent B be providing accommodation/food/pay for social events etc?
Kids will stay with parent B but parent A will have to stay in a hotel. Rural area, not tourist location so no possibility of treating it as a 'holiday'.
Parent B will pay for kids food etc.
My parents divorced and my dad moved overseas.
My mum would drop us of at Bristol airport and my dad would collect us the other end.
Airlines were very good at looking after children traveling.
Parent A really doesn’t need to go if they don’t want to .
"
depends on age of children. No way I'd be letting mine travel alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think parent B should pay for the flights etc my parents divorced when I was a teenager and my dad moved abroad, if he wanted me to visit he paid for the travel expenses |
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By *ewrocksWoman
over a year ago
button moon |
Parent B should pay. Would be far cheaper for them to come over and spend time with the kids. If they are treating it as a holiday,then it's up to parent B to pay same as if they lived in the UK and wanted to take them abroad.
Not really fair for parent A to have to use the holiday from work and pay to go somewhere they don't want to go.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Parent A and B shared equal custody of the kids.
Parent A lives in Inverness with the kids. Parent B moved to Spain.
Parent A kept the house in lieu of child support, so has no child support 'income' in that respect. Mortgage still has to be paid.
Both parents work full time, kids are still in school.
Parent B wants Parent A to bring the kids to visit them. The visit to Spain will be over £1,000 due to travel to an airport, flights, hotels, time off work etc.
How can this be resolved?"
get gentleman C to pay have a holiday you deserve one  |
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Parent B pays however Parent A should be wary of Parent B choosing to keep children in B's country….
You hear of children going to visit on holiday then deciding they don't want to come home again
not one of the nicest sides of separation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split.
If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split.
If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split."
Define "responsibility" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split.
If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split.
Define "responsibility""
"the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something" |
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My ex SIL has moved to Spain, my nephew has been out there visiting her for the last 5 weeks, she paid for his flight and his older sister came over to collect him and fly to Spain with him. Flights were like £60-90 in their case so it’s hardly breaking the bank from here to there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Assuming that there will be more than one visit, on this occasion split it.
In future, plan in advance, taking advantage of cheaper air fares and either split 50/50 or 1 parent pays for 1 trip, the other pays for the next.
That is, of course, assuming that the financial responsibility for the child remains shared despite the distance involved.
If it isn't, then whoever moved should make a larger contribution.
I know that if I wanted to share time with my child:
a) I wouldn't move away until they were of age, and
b) If I did move, I'd have costed in and budgeted for the costs involved in seeing them at regular intervals
Otherwise it is nothing more than parenting by proxy
What do you mean 'financial responsibility remains shared'? There's no child support of any kind. House was transferred.
Both had equal custody before, so shared food costs I guess.
No possibility of cheaper flights due to location. Actual total cost of the trip is nearer £2,000 but I thought that might skew people's opinions so I said it was less.
I need unbiased thoughts. Due to the massive cost and other issues I think parent B is an utter arse, but that's not going to help my friend.
OK, so I misread the first bit, but the 2nd part still stands
Parenting by proxy is not an acceptable position imho
If Parent B won't budge, then parent A should explain that saving up in required and the child needs to understand that because Parent B expects but isn't prepared to contribute, then visits will not be often
Not that it is their problem, but are there grandparents that can assist, specifically Parent B's?
Is there any common ground for meeting in the middle?"
What do you mean parenting by proxy?
No grandparents to assist. Nowhere to meet in the middle. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Parent B chose to move to a different country, far away from their children. Therefore it should be parent B's responsibility to make arrangements to see their children. If they can't afford to do so then they shouldn't have moved in the first place.
I'm in a similar situation. "
Sorry to hear that you're in the same situation. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I drop off and he brings home. Not sure I could afford dropping off to Spain if it were me. But if he moved to Spain whilst our kids were under 16 he’d have earache from me anyway.
"
Earache why? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Actually I think it should also depends on who's responsible for the split.
If parent A is responsible for the split but has been given full custody over parent B, the cost should be split."
They split due to B. The court gave A full custody. I didn't want to give that info because it may cloud the answers in A's favour. I wanted unbiased replies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think that it matters who caused the split x b should pay for the holiday. After all b must be missing the kids as they obviously are him. We all make mistakes in life but unfortunately we can't turn the clock back x b should pay for the holiday or come over here and spend as much time as possible with them |
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"If parent B has requested the visit , then parent B pays.
There is nothing to decide or resolve.
Parent B will only pay half. Parent A can't really afford £500 to transport kids.
Cheaper option would be for Parent B to visit but they won't.
Parent B says parent A is keeping the kids hostage by not agreeing to visit."
Then parent B can do that and live with the consequence which will be not seeing the children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If Parent B decided to move away to a different country, Parent B should be travelling back to Inverness to visit their children there, least disruption to the kids etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Who allegedly "caused the split" is irrelevant, what is relevant is that B chose to move to a different country from his/her children, he/she should be either travelling back to see children or arranging and paying for the cost of getting them to him/her, including paying the other parent's travel and accommodation costs if necessary. |
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"I think both parents need theit heads banging together if they can't sort something like this put amicably
Amen...??
????
Those question marks were meant to be thumbs up!"
it's not always that simple though is it. some people can be unreasonable and it can e like banging your head up a brick wall. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who allegedly "caused the split" is irrelevant, what is relevant is that B chose to move to a different country from his/her children, he/she should be either travelling back to see children or arranging and paying for the cost of getting them to him/her, including paying the other parent's travel and accommodation costs if necessary. "
Agree |
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It's an expectation of more than money, as parent A is also paying the huge cost of their time and liberty - they are expected to chaperone the children and then donate their life, whilst parent B has the children.
It ought to be parent B who does the chaperone, from where they live at A to Spain and then back. Parent B could also stay closer to A, for the duration of their time with the children.
Ultimately it is about which parent prioritises their children enough to adjust their life. Assuming each earns the same, there might be some splitting of travel costs but it would predominantly be upon the parent who moved away to sustain the burden of their imposed lifestyle adjustments. The former home is presumably in lieu of maintenance and child support, not as advance remuneration for child transit affairs. That role alone ought to be worth at least $1000, surely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does B have any other family still here that they'd be happy to host for the holiday along with kids? Maybe an auntie/uncle/grandparent from B's side could go with them rather than A? Regardless I think the onus is on B to pay, or come here to visit. |
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