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Feelings for fwb
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi, I don’t want to post to much on here in case the person in question see this but basically I’ve a fwb who I like more than I should do and the situation is getting me down.
Is there anyone here who is good with these kind of things and wouldn’t mind chatting or offering some advice? I don’t really have anyone in the ‘real world’ to talk about it with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi, I don’t want to post to much on here in case the person in question see this but basically I’ve a fwb who I like more than I should do and the situation is getting me down.
Is there anyone here who is good with these kind of things and wouldn’t mind chatting or offering some advice? I don’t really have anyone in the ‘real world’ to talk about it with"
I've loved all my fwb or they wouldn't be a fwb but I think you mean in a relationship kind of way not a friend kind of way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a FWB who got too emotionally attached. He got very jealous when he found out I had another FB. I had always been honest about what I wanted and tried to work things through, but in the end I had to stop seeing him. |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Hi, I don’t want to post to much on here in case the person in question see this but basically I’ve a fwb who I like more than I should do and the situation is getting me down.
Is there anyone here who is good with these kind of things and wouldn’t mind chatting or offering some advice? I don’t really have anyone in the ‘real world’ to talk about it with"
Sit him down and tell him, getting yourself down over it will not do you or him any good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you tried speaking to them about it
I haven’t spoke to them about it because I’m pretty sure they don’t feel the same way  "
Best to get it out in the open so you can try and work it through.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi, I don’t want to post to much on here in case the person in question see this but basically I’ve a fwb who I like more than I should do and the situation is getting me down.
Is there anyone here who is good with these kind of things and wouldn’t mind chatting or offering some advice? I don’t really have anyone in the ‘real world’ to talk about it with
I've loved all my fwb or they wouldn't be a fwb but I think you mean in a relationship kind of way not a friend kind of way? "
Yeah I mean I would want to be more than fwb |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I THINK I had one of these for a few months, then he turned shitty on me and said something he can never take back, though he probably can't really remember what it was he said (typed) to me, needless to say I think he has tried various ways in trying get back with me over the last two years.
Last night he used the term 'Make love to' some will just use whatever rhetoric they think will work at the time as they have tried various others beforehand so keep trying to come up new ideas, so I suppose it depends on what outcome you are hoping for and what the situation currently is, as far as his understanding is concerned  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in a similar position a few weeks ago, kinda told myself that I would either tell him or just not see him again, so far I haven’t seen him and he hasn’t made any effort to try see me, so I know he definitely doesn’t feel the same way.
I think the best thing to do is go with your instincts, if you feel like there’s a chance you could be more I would tell him, however if not I think the best thing to do is cut off contact and don’t see him again, it could get pretty painful if you carry on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a similar position a few weeks ago, kinda told myself that I would either tell him or just not see him again, so far I haven’t seen him and he hasn’t made any effort to try see me, so I know he definitely doesn’t feel the same way.
I think the best thing to do is go with your instincts, if you feel like there’s a chance you could be more I would tell him, however if not I think the best thing to do is cut off contact and don’t see him again, it could get pretty painful if you carry on.
"
I’ve done this in the past n cut contact |
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I would say personally these sort of things are almost bound to happen as we are all emotional people and sex/intimacy is a massively strong emotion....
But that said, don't ever let it get you down....
Broach the subject....don't be scared....as its only going one of two ways....
He may agree with you and want a relationship....or.....he may say no and you can just go your separate ways!!
As in the long run....it will be worse to stay with him having FWB sex and never going anyway....it will just get you down even more!!! I promise you that....CHIN UP OP!!!    |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Happy to chat but I suppose a woman might understand you better "
Sometimes a woman needs to hear a mans point of view and how they might be thinking.
I have said for years 'sometimes women think too much and men don't think enough'
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"Happy to chat but I suppose a woman might understand you better
Sometimes a woman needs to hear a mans point of view and how they might be thinking.
I have said for years 'sometimes women think too much and men don't think enough'
"
BOOM.....MIND BLOWN.....that's too profound for this time of nite....   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You haven't said whether you are actually single or not? And if they are single or not?
That would probably make a difference.
It probably isn't a good idea to continue to be fwb anymore or you will have a long drawn out heartbreak. It's scary but you would be better off talking to them and finding out whether to make it official or stop seeing each other |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Happy to chat but I suppose a woman might understand you better
Sometimes a woman needs to hear a mans point of view and how they might be thinking.
I have said for years 'sometimes women think too much and men don't think enough'
BOOM.....MIND BLOWN.....that's too profound for this time of nite.... "
A bizarre concept indeed  |
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"Happy to chat but I suppose a woman might understand you better
Sometimes a woman needs to hear a mans point of view and how they might be thinking.
I have said for years 'sometimes women think too much and men don't think enough'
BOOM.....MIND BLOWN.....that's too profound for this time of nite....
A bizarre concept indeed "
You know people have written books on that whole subject and you could have just filtered it down into one sentence |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for all the replies. I know talking to him seems like the best thing to do but I just can’t. My anxiety is sky high at the moment and I wouldn’t even know what to say. I’m also worried that it would lead to not seeing him anymore.
I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment and have mental health issues and i just don’t know what to do.
We are both single, we’ve never really discussed boundaries, seeing other people etc
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the replies. I know talking to him seems like the best thing to do but I just can’t. My anxiety is sky high at the moment and I wouldn’t even know what to say. I’m also worried that it would lead to not seeing him anymore.
I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment and have mental health issues and i just don’t know what to do.
We are both single, we’ve never really discussed boundaries, seeing other people etc
"
awwww hey cmon don't worry about it he may even feel the same way you never know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for all the replies. I know talking to him seems like the best thing to do but I just can’t. My anxiety is sky high at the moment and I wouldn’t even know what to say. I’m also worried that it would lead to not seeing him anymore.
I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment and have mental health issues and i just don’t know what to do.
We are both single, we’ve never really discussed boundaries, seeing other people etc
"
Work on your mental health issues first and get your mind in a better place altogether. You may find your feelings or needs for him change if you feel better about yourself. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the replies. I know talking to him seems like the best thing to do but I just can’t. My anxiety is sky high at the moment and I wouldn’t even know what to say. I’m also worried that it would lead to not seeing him anymore.
I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment and have mental health issues and i just don’t know what to do.
We are both single, we’ve never really discussed boundaries, seeing other people etc
Work on your mental health issues first and get your mind in a better place altogether. You may find your feelings or needs for him change if you feel better about yourself. Xx "
This is really sound advice.
Hope you are getting support with your anxiety. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Theres a simple question. Like more than you should, is that a bad thing?
Emotions are an intrinsic part of every one of us, whether we admit it or not, no matter how much we may try to shut them off, or pretend they dont exist....
The question.... how much of your anxiety is driven by the fear of the unknown?
If that anxiety goes away by talking about, your fears, your feelings, your unknowns with that significant other, isn't that a way to find the answers you seek.
It may not be easy to do, sometimes doing what may feel the hard things are what we have to do.
I hope you find your peace, and whatever you do, or dont do, tomorrow the sun will still shine on you, life go on, and you will get through this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same, the more I think about the way he is sometimes I actually think he doesn’t give a shit about me really. When we are together things are really good but then there’s times when we’ll make plans but then not get in touch for a few days.
My mental health issues have been ongoing for a few years and at the moment are getting worse. I have very little support unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same, the more I think about the way he is sometimes I actually think he doesn’t give a shit about me really. When we are together things are really good but then there’s times when we’ll make plans but then not get in touch for a few days.
My mental health issues have been ongoing for a few years and at the moment are getting worse. I have very little support unfortunately "
There is a great self-help website from NZ www.depression.org.nz
It is really good for both depression and anxiety. Even though it is NZ based it will still be really applicable. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same, the more I think about the way he is sometimes I actually think he doesn’t give a shit about me really. When we are together things are really good but then there’s times when we’ll make plans but then not get in touch for a few days.
My mental health issues have been ongoing for a few years and at the moment are getting worse. I have very little support unfortunately
There is a great self-help website from NZ www.depression.org.nz
It is really good for both depression and anxiety. Even though it is NZ based it will still be really applicable. "
Thank you I will check that out. I do see a psychiatrist and I am on medication but things are really bad at the moment. I’ve recently stopped smoking cannabis which I was using daily and a lot of it, I’m really struggling to live life without it as it helped numb the pain of things |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same, the more I think about the way he is sometimes I actually think he doesn’t give a shit about me really. When we are together things are really good but then there’s times when we’ll make plans but then not get in touch for a few days.
My mental health issues have been ongoing for a few years and at the moment are getting worse. I have very little support unfortunately
There is a great self-help website from NZ www.depression.org.nz
It is really good for both depression and anxiety. Even though it is NZ based it will still be really applicable.
Thank you I will check that out. I do see a psychiatrist and I am on medication but things are really bad at the moment. I’ve recently stopped smoking cannabis which I was using daily and a lot of it, I’m really struggling to live life without it as it helped numb the pain of things"
Great work on giving up the cannabis. Just think of all the money you are saving. Maybe use some of it to join a gym or go to a spa to treat yourself and boost your mental health.
Can you bring your next appointment forward with your Psychiatrist if you are really struggling?
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same, the more I think about the way he is sometimes I actually think he doesn’t give a shit about me really. When we are together things are really good but then there’s times when we’ll make plans but then not get in touch for a few days.
My mental health issues have been ongoing for a few years and at the moment are getting worse. I have very little support unfortunately
There is a great self-help website from NZ www.depression.org.nz
It is really good for both depression and anxiety. Even though it is NZ based it will still be really applicable.
Thank you I will check that out. I do see a psychiatrist and I am on medication but things are really bad at the moment. I’ve recently stopped smoking cannabis which I was using daily and a lot of it, I’m really struggling to live life without it as it helped numb the pain of things
Great work on giving up the cannabis. Just think of all the money you are saving. Maybe use some of it to join a gym or go to a spa to treat yourself and boost your mental health.
Can you bring your next appointment forward with your Psychiatrist if you are really struggling?
"
Probably not as the MH services up here are not great and there are long waiting times for appointments. I’ve only had a couple appointments and the don’t seem to help much anyway |
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Was in love with mine before he became a fwb. He doesnt want a girlfriend and i know he sleeps with other women. Now i just accept it for what it is. If i find someone else i feel strongly for i will stop waiting for him but until that person comes along im happy to have him in my life in any way. |
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"I really don’t think I can talk to him about it at the moment. I have severe anxiety and I haven’t seen him in a couple weeks"
I did the same thing, fell head over heels for someone i couldnt have
Maybe this is the perfect way of finding out if he feels even remotely the same?
Wait and see if he tries to approach you again first ?
In the meantime get out there and enjoy yourself as much as you can, males and females are wired differently. You arent the first and def wont be the last x |
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"I really don’t think I can talk to him about it at the moment. I have severe anxiety and I haven’t seen him in a couple weeks"
I did the same thing, fell head over heels for someone i couldnt have
Maybe this is the perfect way of finding out if he feels even remotely the same?
Wait and see if he tries to approach you again first ?
In the meantime get out there and enjoy yourself as much as you can, males and females are wired differently. You arent the first and def wont be the last this has haooened to x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Work on your mental health issues first and get your mind in a better place altogether. You may find your feelings or needs for him change if you feel better about yourself. Xx "
MrD
This advice is spot on!
You are being very open and honest on here. That is amazing for someone with anxiety issues, well done x
After telling us about your mental health my advice has changed. You can't really trust how you think you feel about it him right now, although I do feel you probably need to try to keep some distance because you say you don't really have support and you will probably try to latch onto him for that.
It isn't just where you are, MH services everywhere have been stripped to the bone. The fact that you are actually being seen by a psychiatrist means your problems are more serious than simple anxiety and depression as most people would think of it on here and you really need to focus on these problems instead of your fwb. The psychiatrist is a medically trained doctor and deals with medication only, it is not the same as a psychologist who is not a medical doctor and works with you to resolve the issues. Most places also run different group sessions for different things so you should look into attending these, they are often self referral. Please remember medications can take a month or more to become fully affective, you will be started on a lower dose and have it gradually increased to watch for side effects or drug interactions. If you really feel that your medication is not working your best bet is to go and see your GP and explain it to them, your psychiatrist will be keeping them updated and issuing them with instructions. They may already have a plan in place for your GP to enact should you go to them and if not, your GP will contact them for advice, which may be to alter your medication or to book you in to see your psychiatrist again sooner. It may be hard but the best thing you could do is to try to reach out to your family for support.
As for your Friend with Benefits, it is just that, a friend. There wouldn't have been any discussion about seeing other people. I am the male half of the couple and my fwb is the female half of another couple. It could well be that they are trying to keep their distance, either because they also have feelings towards you or because they want to keep it at friends. Unfortunately there is no way for anyone to know and give you reliable advice on what to do. The best advice was given by another poster I quoted, who said you need to work on your MH first.
There are plenty of people here you can message and talk to privately and that includes me if you wish.
MrD x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I haven't read all the replies but firstly are you sure it's love? Lust is a strong powerful emotion.
Secondly just talk to him. I fell for mine but kept it from him for quite a while but eventually knew I had to tell him so he had the option to walk away if he wanted to. We are both in a situation where neither of us want to change our own lives which is great. But it's made it easier for me him knowing how I feel about him. I don't feel I'm hiding anything from him now. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi, I don’t want to post to much on here in case the person in question see this but basically I’ve a fwb who I like more than I should do and the situation is getting me down.
Is there anyone here who is good with these kind of things and wouldn’t mind chatting or offering some advice? I don’t really have anyone in the ‘real world’ to talk about it with"
Tell him or walk away being in a limbo situation is no good for anyone. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"I was in a similar position a few weeks ago, kinda told myself that I would either tell him or just not see him again, so far I haven’t seen him and he hasn’t made any effort to try see me, so I know he definitely doesn’t feel the same way.
I think the best thing to do is go with your instincts, if you feel like there’s a chance you could be more I would tell him, however if not I think the best thing to do is cut off contact and don’t see him again, it could get pretty painful if you carry on.
"
This is good advice and very well stated. We can't shut our feelings off as we would a switch. Sometimes its better to endure some immediate pain than prolong a situation that eats away at you slowly and does you no good in the end. I feel for you, Op. I hope you can work things out. Rarely is there an easy option. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks everyone for the advice. I actually ended up spending the night at his last night. I was worried he had seen all this but never he certainly never let on if he did haha. I didn’t say anything and have decided I’m definitely not going to. I’m going to try and concentrate on sorting myself, just take it as it comes where he’s concerned and try not to get too down about it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I haven't read all the replies but firstly are you sure it's love? Lust is a strong powerful emotion.
Secondly just talk to him. I fell for mine but kept it from him for quite a while but eventually knew I had to tell him so he had the option to walk away if he wanted to. We are both in a situation where neither of us want to change our own lives which is great. But it's made it easier for me him knowing how I feel about him. I don't feel I'm hiding anything from him now. Good luck. "
Thanks, I’m not in love with him but I really like him. A lot of it is lust, we have amazing sexual chemistry but I also like just chilling and having a laugh with him |
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"I was in a similar position a few weeks ago, kinda told myself that I would either tell him or just not see him again, so far I haven’t seen him and he hasn’t made any effort to try see me, so I know he definitely doesn’t feel the same way.
I think the best thing to do is go with your instincts, if you feel like there’s a chance you could be more I would tell him, however if not I think the best thing to do is cut off contact and don’t see him again, it could get pretty painful if you carry on.
"
Precisely this. A bit of pain now compared to what it could be down the line.
However, only you can make that call OP on how it is making you feel and feeling down about it isn’t a great place to be.
I hope you work it out, in a way that is best for you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" Work on your mental health issues first and get your mind in a better place altogether. You may find your feelings or needs for him change if you feel better about yourself. Xx
MrD
This advice is spot on!
You are being very open and honest on here. That is amazing for someone with anxiety issues, well done x
After telling us about your mental health my advice has changed. You can't really trust how you think you feel about it him right now, although I do feel you probably need to try to keep some distance because you say you don't really have support and you will probably try to latch onto him for that.
It isn't just where you are, MH services everywhere have been stripped to the bone. The fact that you are actually being seen by a psychiatrist means your problems are more serious than simple anxiety and depression as most people would think of it on here and you really need to focus on these problems instead of your fwb. The psychiatrist is a medically trained doctor and deals with medication only, it is not the same as a psychologist who is not a medical doctor and works with you to resolve the issues. Most places also run different group sessions for different things so you should look into attending these, they are often self referral. Please remember medications can take a month or more to become fully affective, you will be started on a lower dose and have it gradually increased to watch for side effects or drug interactions. If you really feel that your medication is not working your best bet is to go and see your GP and explain it to them, your psychiatrist will be keeping them updated and issuing them with instructions. They may already have a plan in place for your GP to enact should you go to them and if not, your GP will contact them for advice, which may be to alter your medication or to book you in to see your psychiatrist again sooner. It may be hard but the best thing you could do is to try to reach out to your family for support.
As for your Friend with Benefits, it is just that, a friend. There wouldn't have been any discussion about seeing other people. I am the male half of the couple and my fwb is the female half of another couple. It could well be that they are trying to keep their distance, either because they also have feelings towards you or because they want to keep it at friends. Unfortunately there is no way for anyone to know and give you reliable advice on what to do. The best advice was given by another poster I quoted, who said you need to work on your MH first.
There are plenty of people here you can message and talk to privately and that includes me if you wish.
MrD x
"
I don’t think the way I feel about him has anything to do with my mental health problems but I do think the fact that I’m going through such a hard time at the moment is causing me to get so low about it. I do have some serious problems, more than just anxiety and I’ve been on meds for about a year now, possibly starting another one on top of my current one soon. You’re definitely right about me needing to see someone other than a psychiatrist, I have had something very traumatic happen recently and I’m experiencing terrible guilt and hurt, which no one close to me really knows about. I struggle to open up at times about everything.
After seeing him last night I know I don’t want to end things but I’m not going to say anything either and just try and concrete on my own recovery |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Work on your mental health issues first and get your mind in a better place altogether. You may find your feelings or needs for him change if you feel better about yourself. Xx
MrD
This advice is spot on!
You are being very open and honest on here. That is amazing for someone with anxiety issues, well done x
After telling us about your mental health my advice has changed. You can't really trust how you think you feel about it him right now, although I do feel you probably need to try to keep some distance because you say you don't really have support and you will probably try to latch onto him for that.
It isn't just where you are, MH services everywhere have been stripped to the bone. The fact that you are actually being seen by a psychiatrist means your problems are more serious than simple anxiety and depression as most people would think of it on here and you really need to focus on these problems instead of your fwb. The psychiatrist is a medically trained doctor and deals with medication only, it is not the same as a psychologist who is not a medical doctor and works with you to resolve the issues. Most places also run different group sessions for different things so you should look into attending these, they are often self referral. Please remember medications can take a month or more to become fully affective, you will be started on a lower dose and have it gradually increased to watch for side effects or drug interactions. If you really feel that your medication is not working your best bet is to go and see your GP and explain it to them, your psychiatrist will be keeping them updated and issuing them with instructions. They may already have a plan in place for your GP to enact should you go to them and if not, your GP will contact them for advice, which may be to alter your medication or to book you in to see your psychiatrist again sooner. It may be hard but the best thing you could do is to try to reach out to your family for support.
As for your Friend with Benefits, it is just that, a friend. There wouldn't have been any discussion about seeing other people. I am the male half of the couple and my fwb is the female half of another couple. It could well be that they are trying to keep their distance, either because they also have feelings towards you or because they want to keep it at friends. Unfortunately there is no way for anyone to know and give you reliable advice on what to do. The best advice was given by another poster I quoted, who said you need to work on your MH first.
There are plenty of people here you can message and talk to privately and that includes me if you wish.
MrD x
I don’t think the way I feel about him has anything to do with my mental health problems but I do think the fact that I’m going through such a hard time at the moment is causing me to get so low about it. I do have some serious problems, more than just anxiety and I’ve been on meds for about a year now, possibly starting another one on top of my current one soon. You’re definitely right about me needing to see someone other than a psychiatrist, I have had something very traumatic happen recently and I’m experiencing terrible guilt and hurt, which no one close to me really knows about. I struggle to open up at times about everything.
After seeing him last night I know I don’t want to end things but I’m not going to say anything either and just try and concrete on my own recovery "
I didn't mean to say that your feelings are due to your MH, but it would difficult for you to know for sure and it probably isn't the best time to make such a decision in either direction that you might regret later on |
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