FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > monogomy
monogomy
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To avoid hijacking another thread.
i am intrigued by the idea some single ppl would choose monogamy if they were in a relationship. Whilst the whole swingle/singles arent proper swingers debate bores me(ppl have the right to describe themselves as what ever they want)i cannot really get my head around having experienced swinging and not wanting to simply because u have a partner.
This is a thread to explore the ideas of what monogamy means to you...and why it matters.i write from the perspective of someone who is not ,has not and never will be monogamous. Sex for me has nothing to do with love and commitment, It is a physical act and they are emotions...the commitment i have to kev is one that has never been based on where our gentitals go but love, trust and the fact we are soul mates.
What does monogamy mean to you and do you think some people are just "cut out" for it?
Play nice folks... remember it is a valid choice to be a single non swinger on here, im just curious as to why someone would choose not to be in an open relationship... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if i met mr right i doubt id be in an open relationship. Id want to give the relationship time to develop as just a 2 piece rather than inviting tom dick and harry to be apart of it. Ive always known im a one man woman. If i'm loved up then i dont even look at other men cos i'm content with what i have. Sex isnt everything for me, and if its good enough from my chosen partner why would i need more from someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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for us, it was the years we were together that built the trust to start swinging, I don't think it would have had the same 'depth' of feeling if we did not have that knowledge of each other. Initially it was hard for me (fem) to accept that it wasn't that I wasn't enough for him, just an extention of what we already have. So maybe people like to build on what they have found before sharing the joy! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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LOVE I SPOSE AND GIVING MY LOVE TO THAT ONE WOMAN. NOT JUST ABOUT SEX THO THAT WOULD PLAY A BIG PART IN IT AS WELL AS WOULD HAVE TO FANCY HER. BUT TAKE HER FOR ALL HER FAULTS AS SHE WOULD ME COS NO ONES PERFECT
LOVE IS
Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fanclub with only two fans
Love is walking holding paintstained hands
Love is.
Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don't put out the light
Love is
Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you're feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops
Love is
Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn
Love is
Love is you and love is me
Love is prison and love is free
Love's what's there when you are away from me
Love is
I do like this poem lol soft sod I am |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have done swinging relationship, i swung with my ex hubby for about 7 years before we split up
Because of reasons i wish to not go into on a open forum i wouldnt do it again
Its not that i dont want to share my partner, i have done that and was quite happy to at the time of doing it
Its just something i couldnt see myself ever doing again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"LOVE I SPOSE AND GIVING MY LOVE TO THAT ONE WOMAN. NOT JUST ABOUT SEX THO THAT WOULD PLAY A BIG PART IN IT AS WELL AS WOULD HAVE TO FANCY HER. BUT TAKE HER FOR ALL HER FAULTS AS SHE WOULD ME COS NO ONES PERFECT
"
but sex isnt love, you can swing and still only give all your love to one person, you dont love women you shag now do you? so why would you love a partner any less if you swung? |
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"if i met mr right i doubt id be in an open relationship. Id want to give the relationship time to develop as just a 2 piece rather than inviting tom dick and harry to be apart of it. Ive always known im a one man woman. If i'm loved up then i dont even look at other men cos i'm content with what i have. Sex isnt everything for me, and if its good enough from my chosen partner why would i need more from someone else. "
That seems to assume those of in relationships are lacking something...that the sex isnt good enough and that is why we are here?
Nor do most swingers have sex with every tom dick or harry  |
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"LOVE I SPOSE AND GIVING MY LOVE TO THAT ONE WOMAN. NOT JUST ABOUT SEX THO THAT WOULD PLAY A BIG PART IN IT AS WELL AS WOULD HAVE TO FANCY HER. BUT TAKE HER FOR ALL HER FAULTS AS SHE WOULD ME COS NO ONES PERFECT
LOVE IS
Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fanclub with only two fans
Love is walking holding paintstained hands
Love is.
Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don't put out the light
Love is
Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you're feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops
Love is
Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn
Love is
Love is you and love is me
Love is prison and love is free
Love's what's there when you are away from me
Love is
I do like this poem lol soft sod I am "
so love for u cannot exist unless it is exclusive? |
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"LOVE I SPOSE AND GIVING MY LOVE TO THAT ONE WOMAN. NOT JUST ABOUT SEX THO THAT WOULD PLAY A BIG PART IN IT AS WELL AS WOULD HAVE TO FANCY HER. BUT TAKE HER FOR ALL HER FAULTS AS SHE WOULD ME COS NO ONES PERFECT
but sex isnt love, you can swing and still only give all your love to one person, you dont love women you shag now do you? so why would you love a partner any less if you swung?"
i ws wondering that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldnt want to share my partner full stop. Nor would I want her to share me either. Just does not interest me in the slightest.
Heres a classic example tho right from a single blokes eyes ie my own. When im single I dont no how but I must give off this presence of hey im here and im gaggin for it. Not in a desperate way I hope lol but for some reason women seem to be able to pick right up on that in an instance and dont really give you the time of day at all.
Yet get your self in a relationship and are happy and content and we men then must give off a total differnt signal all together. Which some women I have to say for what ever reason known only to them selfs seem to find this a turn on. Maybe in a kind of way that whys he not paying me any attention hmmmm he must be happy with someone. Tell ya what I will flirt with him and see if I can tempt him.
Does anyone no were im coming from with this or am I just talking bollox?? lol |
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"i have done swinging relationship, i swung with my ex hubby for about 7 years before we split up
Because of reasons i wish to not go into on a open forum i wouldnt do it again
Its not that i dont want to share my partner, i have done that and was quite happy to at the time of doing it
Its just something i couldnt see myself ever doing again "
see been there done that...and been coloured by the experience makes sense to me...
Its a choice based on your life experiences. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt want to share my partner full stop. Nor would I want her to share me either. Just does not interest me in the slightest.
"
thats more like it lol |
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"I wouldnt want to share my partner full stop. Nor would I want her to share me either. Just does not interest me in the slightest.
Heres a classic example tho right from a single blokes eyes ie my own. When im single I dont no how but I must give off this presence of hey im here and im gaggin for it. Not in a desperate way I hope lol but for some reason women seem to be able to pick right up on that in an instance and dont really give you the time of day at all.
Yet get your self in a relationship and are happy and content and we men then must give off a total differnt signal all together. Which some women I have to say for what ever reason known only to them selfs seem to find this a turn on. Maybe in a kind of way that whys he not paying me any attention hmmmm he must be happy with someone. Tell ya what I will flirt with him and see if I can tempt him.
Does anyone no were im coming from with this or am I just talking bollox?? lol"
Dont get what u mean at all...no woman i know tries to tempt married men, and i wouldnt be friends with someone who did.
i think though giving any air of gagging for it does turn women off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your getting enough sex with your partner and you both like the same things all well and good, but i think most people get bored with each other even so, if there not doing it, they are thinking about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm here to meet people as it suits my lifestyle at the moment. I am busy travel a lot and don't have loads of time to give.
However in a relationship I don't see the need to involve a third party or sleep with others unless both are happy.
But if I'm happy with my partner I want to do all the nice things with them not someone else. And therefore have no need for anyone else to be involved. |
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"I'm here to meet people as it suits my lifestyle at the moment. I am busy travel a lot and don't have loads of time to give.
However in a relationship I don't see the need to involve a third party or sleep with others unless both are happy.
But if I'm happy with my partner I want to do all the nice things with them not someone else. And therefore have no need for anyone else to be involved. "
But what about all the nice things that take more than 2 people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Here is an anology to explain why i have trouble with monogomy as a choice...
i wouldnt want to eat the same meal every day even if it was prepared by a 3 star michelin chef "
lol but thats were getting to no some one and if they are right for you and you for them comes into it hey lol.
Besides its not just all about sex tho is it. To fall in love with some one means warts n all etc etc dee daa dee daa dee daaa in every aspect of life besides sex.
Not used any BAZZZZZOOOOOOKA of late have you Nymphos hun? lol 2sugar please luv yeah ill make the next one haha  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can have a loving relationship with someone n still swing n not let it effect your relationship it's all down to trust as well as love, n of course u relationship wouldn't just solely be about swinging it be about connection I feel mentally n physically, I could have relationship
With guy who gave me everything n be content  |
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"Here is an anology to explain why i have trouble with monogomy as a choice...
i wouldnt want to eat the same meal every day even if it was prepared by a 3 star michelin chef
lol but thats were getting to no some one and if they are right for you and you for them comes into it hey lol.
Besides its not just all about sex tho is it. To fall in love with some one means warts n all etc etc dee daa dee daa dee daaa in every aspect of life besides sex.
Not used any BAZZZZZOOOOOOKA of late have you Nymphos hun? lol 2sugar please luv yeah ill make the next one haha x"
Of course it does...but thats what i dont get...why u monogamous ppl see sex as so important it has to be preserved as just between the two of you.
For me sex is just a fun physical activity, i dont see what it has to do with love |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A physical relationship is different to an emotional one.
I guess we are precondition to link the two by generations of indoctrination. I can see why, as one man-one woman (or 2 people) type partnership is easier to manage from a legal point of view.
I enjoy physical relationships with benefits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Here is an anology to explain why i have trouble with monogomy as a choice...
i wouldnt want to eat the same meal every day even if it was prepared by a 3 star michelin chef
lol but thats were getting to no some one and if they are right for you and you for them comes into it hey lol.
Besides its not just all about sex tho is it. To fall in love with some one means warts n all etc etc dee daa dee daa dee daaa in every aspect of life besides sex.
Not used any BAZZZZZOOOOOOKA of late have you Nymphos hun? lol 2sugar please luv yeah ill make the next one haha x
Of course it does...but thats what i dont get...why u monogamous ppl see sex as so important it has to be preserved as just between the two of you.
For me sex is just a fun physical activity, i dont see what it has to do with love"
U monogomus people!? lol thanx for the label haha x |
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I couldn't have done this when younger - was very much of the belief that relationships should be monogamous. I took my marriage vows and meant every bit of them. We've been together over 25 years and have explored everything together. We have a shared past and trust that means we're happy doing this - but not because we're bored.
I'd stop this in an instance if it threatened our relationship, though.
And I have no problem with singles saying they wouldn't want to share if they were in a relationship - except if they then like meeting couples/ one of a couple - it feels like they're saying that their relationship if they had one would be better and there'd be no need to share. (not explained well, but I'm sure someone will get what I mean!!) If I get a whiff of that then I wouldn't meet them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The thing that gets me on this site is the number of people who know the definition of the "terms",
Swinger is couple on couple.... except when they want a three-way and need singles to make that happen 
Dating is not allowed on a swinging site  except sometimes it just happens that the NSA fun happens to be with someone you want to meet again... and occasionally it's mutual just as likely here as over the veg counter at Tesco’s! and I am fairly sure more NSA sex happens from dating sites than it does from swingers sites.
As far as we / I, but I think we! are concerned the first rule of swinging is there are no rules, just agreements you make up when you meet or plan to meet someone.
SO going back to your post.... as there are no rules singles that are only swingers for NSA sex can do what they choose when they meet a partner, only caveat on that is those that have enjoyed more than one on one meets, may find that they are missing something in a year or two, that can’t be recreated in a two person relationship, like a sub pretending to be a dom to please a partner… can only work for so long, unfulfilled desires even for simple things, if handled badly can lead to frustration that can screw up the relationship
|
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"A physical relationship is different to an emotional one.
"
Thats how i see it, and i am curious about ppl who are clearly open minded enough to be here but still see them as interlinked.
i suppose i am wondering if there is a nurture element, i understand about the indoctrination element...but are some ppl naturally monogomous,since being here they meet loving couples even if just via the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing that gets me on this site is the number of people who know the definition of the "terms",
Swinger is couple on couple.... except when they want a three-way and need singles to make that happen
Dating is not allowed on a swinging site except sometimes it just happens that the NSA fun happens to be with someone you want to meet again... and occasionally it's mutual just as likely here as over the veg counter at Tesco’s! and I am fairly sure more NSA sex happens from dating sites than it does from swingers sites.
As far as we / I, but I think we! are concerned the first rule of swinging is there are no rules, just agreements you make up when you meet or plan to meet someone.
SO going back to your post.... as there are no rules singles that are only swingers for NSA sex can do what they choose when they meet a partner, only caveat on that is those that have enjoyed more than one on one meets, may find that they are missing something in a year or two, that can’t be recreated in a two person relationship, like a sub pretending to be a dom to please a partner… can only work for so long, unfulfilled desires even for simple things, if handled badly can lead to frustration that can screw up the relationship
"
Eh? so what point of the original question did you not understand then cos im damed if I can make any sense of your reply on here lol.
Nice brests tho luv I must say |
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"I couldn't have done this when younger - was very much of the belief that relationships should be monogamous. I took my marriage vows and meant every bit of them. We've been together over 25 years and have explored everything together. We have a shared past and trust that means we're happy doing this - but not because we're bored.
I'd stop this in an instance if it threatened our relationship, though.
And I have no problem with singles saying they wouldn't want to share if they were in a relationship - except if they then like meeting couples/ one of a couple - it feels like they're saying that their relationship if they had one would be better and there'd be no need to share. (not explained well, but I'm sure someone will get what I mean!!) If I get a whiff of that then I wouldn't meet them. "
perfectly well explained and i agree...i dont want to be looked down on! |
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"The thing that gets me on this site is the number of people who know the definition of the "terms",
Swinger is couple on couple.... except when they want a three-way and need singles to make that happen
Dating is not allowed on a swinging site except sometimes it just happens that the NSA fun happens to be with someone you want to meet again... and occasionally it's mutual just as likely here as over the veg counter at Tesco’s! and I am fairly sure more NSA sex happens from dating sites than it does from swingers sites.
As far as we / I, but I think we! are concerned the first rule of swinging is there are no rules, just agreements you make up when you meet or plan to meet someone.
SO going back to your post.... as there are no rules singles that are only swingers for NSA sex can do what they choose when they meet a partner, only caveat on that is those that have enjoyed more than one on one meets, may find that they are missing something in a year or two, that can’t be recreated in a two person relationship, like a sub pretending to be a dom to please a partner… can only work for so long, unfulfilled desires even for simple things, if handled badly can lead to frustration that can screw up the relationship
"
i suppose its the missing out on stuff but i dont get...hence my meal analogy... |
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"
And I have no problem with singles saying they wouldn't want to share if they were in a relationship - except if they then like meeting couples/ one of a couple - it feels like they're saying that their relationship if they had one would be better and there'd be no need to share. (not explained well, but I'm sure someone will get what I mean!!) If I get a whiff of that then I wouldn't meet them.
perfectly well explained and i agree...i dont want to be looked down on!"
Exactly - we don't do this because we're lacking something in our relationships.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I couldn't have done this when younger - was very much of the belief that relationships should be monogamous. I took my marriage vows and meant every bit of them. We've been together over 25 years and have explored everything together. We have a shared past and trust that means we're happy doing this - but not because we're bored.
I'd stop this in an instance if it threatened our relationship, though.
And I have no problem with singles saying they wouldn't want to share if they were in a relationship - except if they then like meeting couples/ one of a couple - it feels like they're saying that their relationship if they had one would be better and there'd be no need to share. (not explained well, but I'm sure someone will get what I mean!!) If I get a whiff of that then I wouldn't meet them. "
You are only seing that through your swinging eyes. I dont have a problem with cpls at all who want to swing or share each other etc etc. I did not say nor suggest that if I was in a relationship it would be better than any one elses and therefore I would not share.
lol what I said was that if I was in a relationship I would not want to share nor be shared. Therefore I would drop this site in an instance never to return to it as THE STOP GAP for NSA sex would have served its purpose and therfore was no longer required.
My choice as a single lad on here to do as I like and feel free to meet as I like or who would like to meet me. Tho I would rather have meets with single fems 1on1 I have had the odd meets for 3some with cpls for sex. It is far different from me being in a relationship and I dont feel that I should be judged or critised for my own personal thoughts and beliefs just cos they dont match up with views of swinging cpls on here.
End of lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eh? so what point of the original question did you not understand then cos im damed if I can make any sense of your reply on here lol.
Nice brests tho luv I must say "
lol, thank you 
Simple in answer to the original post (which is very clear and a very good topic)
There are no rules, each definition is individual and only valid at the time it was first thought of. which applies as much to monogamy as to anything else.
I personally define myself as being in a monogamous relationship, having sex with others outside that relationship does not bring them into the relationship any more than sitting next to someone at work, or on the bus does.
   |
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"Eh? so what point of the original question did you not understand then cos im damed if I can make any sense of your reply on here lol.
Nice brests tho luv I must say
lol, thank you
Simple in answer to the original post (which is very clear and a very good topic)
There are no rules, each definition is individual and only valid at the time it was first thought of. which applies as much to monogamy as to anything else.
I personally define myself as being in a monogamous relationship, having sex with others outside that relationship does not bring them into the relationship any more than sitting next to someone at work, or on the bus does.
"
thats how i see it...getting jiggly doesnt equal any sort of relationship in my eyes. There can be relationhips be they friend or deeper if u are poly...i have deep feelings based on friendship and respect for Sir...but it isnt romantic love.i also have deep feelings for my closest friend who is female and like a sister to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eh? so what point of the original question did you not understand then cos im damed if I can make any sense of your reply on here lol.
Nice brests tho luv I must say
lol, thank you
Simple in answer to the original post (which is very clear and a very good topic)
There are no rules, each definition is individual and only valid at the time it was first thought of. which applies as much to monogamy as to anything else.
I personally define myself as being in a monogamous relationship, having sex with others outside that relationship does not bring them into the relationship any more than sitting next to someone at work, or on the bus does.
"
Great answer xx |
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"I couldn't have done this when younger - was very much of the belief that relationships should be monogamous. I took my marriage vows and meant every bit of them. We've been together over 25 years and have explored everything together. We have a shared past and trust that means we're happy doing this - but not because we're bored.
I'd stop this in an instance if it threatened our relationship, though.
And I have no problem with singles saying they wouldn't want to share if they were in a relationship - except if they then like meeting couples/ one of a couple - it feels like they're saying that their relationship if they had one would be better and there'd be no need to share. (not explained well, but I'm sure someone will get what I mean!!) If I get a whiff of that then I wouldn't meet them.
You are only seing that through your swinging eyes. I dont have a problem with cpls at all who want to swing or share each other etc etc. I did not say nor suggest that if I was in a relationship it would be better than any one elses and therefore I would not share.
lol what I said was that if I was in a relationship I would not want to share nor be shared. Therefore I would drop this site in an instance never to return to it as THE STOP GAP for NSA sex would have served its purpose and therfore was no longer required.
My choice as a single lad on here to do as I like and feel free to meet as I like or who would like to meet me. Tho I would rather have meets with single fems 1on1 I have had the odd meets for 3some with cpls for sex. It is far different from me being in a relationship and I dont feel that I should be judged or critised for my own personal thoughts and beliefs just cos they dont match up with views of swinging cpls on here.
End of lol xx"
i hope u dont feel judged, i wanted to explore and understand...if i were giving advice to a single man looking for nsa i would recommend the site and clubs...i was trying to see why ppl wouldnt swing, not criticize their choice not too. |
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"I couldn't have done this when younger - was very much of the belief that relationships should be monogamous. I took my marriage vows and meant every bit of them. We've been together over 25 years and have explored everything together. We have a shared past and trust that means we're happy doing this - but not because we're bored.
I'd stop this in an instance if it threatened our relationship, though.
And I have no problem with singles saying they wouldn't want to share if they were in a relationship - except if they then like meeting couples/ one of a couple - it feels like they're saying that their relationship if they had one would be better and there'd be no need to share. (not explained well, but I'm sure someone will get what I mean!!) If I get a whiff of that then I wouldn't meet them.
You are only seing that through your swinging eyes. I dont have a problem with cpls at all who want to swing or share each other etc etc. I did not say nor suggest that if I was in a relationship it would be better than any one elses and therefore I would not share.
lol what I said was that if I was in a relationship I would not want to share nor be shared. Therefore I would drop this site in an instance never to return to it as THE STOP GAP for NSA sex would have served its purpose and therfore was no longer required.
My choice as a single lad on here to do as I like and feel free to meet as I like or who would like to meet me. Tho I would rather have meets with single fems 1on1 I have had the odd meets for 3some with cpls for sex. It is far different from me being in a relationship and I dont feel that I should be judged or critised for my own personal thoughts and beliefs just cos they dont match up with views of swinging cpls on here.
End of lol xx"
I did not quote you, nor even look at your profile to see if you ever meet couples. Therefore I don't believe that I was specifically judging you from what you said.
Just as it's your choice 'as a single lad on here to do as I like and feel free to meet as I like or who would like to meet me' (your words) it's our choice to do the same (which includes not meeting singles who express that they could not do the same (for whatever reason) if they were in a relationship - and if I can be accused of generalisation in what I said re singles (note: I'm not saying you accused me of generalisation there) then so be it. I'll stop now - I don't want Jem's thread to digress any further on my accord. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your getting enough sex with your partner and you both like the same things all well and good, but i think most people get bored with each other even so, if there not doing it, they are thinking about it."
This is tosh in our case.. we are not bored with each other.. sex with each other is the most amazing time... For us its nothing to do with not getting enough... Nor is it boredom....
We do it to add extras... And we can happily enjoy just each other.
We won't ever be monogamous but we do love each other truly and are faithful to one another. It's about trust and honesty.. we may fuck others and even have emotional relationships with others... But our relationship is solid and to us very important.
Anyone that thinks that couples share because they don't love enough or are lacking something... Are really not getting it.
I for one have never believed that humans are designed to have one person for ever... And nor do I think that it shows boredom...
We find that once we have a 3sum with master actually there that most guys comment on the intense connection between us.. oh and one guy asked us if you can be like that together why do you add others.. our answer was
As good as master is he can't fuck all my holes at once...
We tend to do more group things... But no one satisfys me like master does..
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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mo·nog·a·my/m?'näg?me/
Noun:
The practice or state of being married to one person at a time.
The practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.
Says it all really
How can you say you totally believe in monogamy and have sex with other people
It is a contradicton in itself xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think monagamy for people is a tad difficult in the longrun .
Although at the start of a relationship that you would like to go further ,I think most single people will try to make it work as they want to build a relationship that is not just based on sex ,this is to build trust amongst other things.
Now just to throw a spanner in the works - How many couples on here(and I don't mean those who are single with FB's ,who say they are a couple) I mean married/living together started off with their partner in a monogamous relationship until at some point one or both of you decided you would like to add a bit more spice to the relationship and how long was the relationship going before you did ?
*now i'll go and duck for cover * |
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"I think monagamy for people is a tad difficult in the longrun .
Although at the start of a relationship that you would like to go further ,I think most single people will try to make it work as they want to build a relationship that is not just based on sex ,this is to build trust amongst other things.
Now just to throw a spanner in the works - How many couples on here(and I don't mean those who are single with FB's ,who say they are a couple) I mean married/living together started off with their partner in a monogamous relationship until at some point one or both of you decided you would like to add a bit more spice to the relationship and how long was the relationship going before you did ?
*now i'll go and duck for cover * "
ok...my answer, 2 weeks
kev said he wasnt sure about a relationship and that he thought we should both see other people...he went home for the weekend and i got off with someone...he learnt 2 things
1. i take things literally
2,He wanted a relationship with me
Its not aboit extra spice...but not limiting ourselves |
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Bernie and I met through this site (we both attended a mutual friend's party). We didn't set out to fall in love...in fact we didn't set out to have a relationship, but it happened (and I thank my lucky stars that it did cos we're very happy).
I have seen, on other threads, the suggestion that if two people start a relationship they should take time out from swinging to allow the relationship to develop properly. Now for some people maybe that's what they need to do - either take a break or walk away from swinging forever. I have friends who have done this. For myself (and Bernie) I'd say why would we want to do that. I love Bernie and I know he loves me. We live together. We share our lives with each other, and we're planning our future together. However we both enjoy sex...particularly with each other, but also with others. I get an enormous amount of pleasure watching Bernie pleasuring others and vice versa. It certainly doen't take anything away from our relationship. That goes on 24/7...... whereas playing with others is something we do when we want to...sometimes 2-3 times a week......, sometimes not at all (and very shortly we've got two 10 day swinging holidays arranged where we intend to play with lots of other horny, sexy people ).
Like Jemima says, sex is a physical act and while, for me, some emotions are necessary (passion, humour etc., along with honesty and a certain amount of trust, the ones which make us a couple (love and commitment) are not something we look for or expect in our playmates.
Will we ever be monogamous...who knows...maybe if we both live to be really old we won't have the same urges to play with others (or even each other), it's something no-one can really predict. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"*now i'll go and duck for cover * "
Get out of them covers and get yer tits out xxx
Hmm well we started in an NSA sex only relationship, took about 6 months for it to develop into a "proper relationship" but it stayed open for about another 6 months just less and less others included... then we tried living together then got married spent about 2 years as an exclusive relationship then started swinging, first off full swap stuff, at the moment it is really just for me to enjoy my bi side, tomorrow ? ask me after |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think monagamy for people is a tad difficult in the longrun .
Although at the start of a relationship that you would like to go further ,I think most single people will try to make it work as they want to build a relationship that is not just based on sex ,this is to build trust amongst other things.
Now just to throw a spanner in the works - How many couples on here(and I don't mean those who are single with FB's ,who say they are a couple) I mean married/living together started off with their partner in a monogamous relationship until at some point one or both of you decided you would like to add a bit more spice to the relationship and how long was the relationship going before you did ?
*now i'll go and duck for cover * "
We were a "normal" couple but knew that sex with others was going to happen as its part of who we are...
We had another in our sex life right from the start.. and have slowly developed our relationship on that basis.. As we have got closer together, our fun with others has got more dirty.. however I dont kiss and cuddle up with meets.. and wouldnt spend the night with others either..
We didnt meet through swinging either.. just knew when we first started talking that monogamy was never going to be for us.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What does monogamy mean to you and do you think some people are just "cut out" for it?"
I think some are too purposefully focussed on sex with others being an unfaithful illicit act. I think some cannot grasp the idea of their exclusive position with their partner in the light of sharing their partner with others. I think that some view the act of swapping as a game that they would never play with a loved one - that somehow they would have met the be all and end all, and that would require them to be reformed monogamists never to darken the sordid doors of depravity again (at least not that overtly such that their new found partner would know).
Monogamy provides a set of blinkers that stop you seeing important sides to your partner that really every 'pair' should see for their own knowledge. Such knowledge can confirm the partnership bond in an unenquired and subtle way that otherwise in monogamy someone would always be guessing and thinking the worst of. Monogamy encourages cheating, and places jealousy at the head of its altar.
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think monagamy for people is a tad difficult in the longrun .
Although at the start of a relationship that you would like to go further ,I think most single people will try to make it work as they want to build a relationship that is not just based on sex ,this is to build trust amongst other things.
Now just to throw a spanner in the works - How many couples on here(and I don't mean those who are single with FB's ,who say they are a couple) I mean married/living together started off with their partner in a monogamous relationship until at some point one or both of you decided you would like to add a bit more spice to the relationship and how long was the relationship going before you did ?
*now i'll go and duck for cover * "
For us it was pretty much straight away that we started talking about it, we waiting until we were married (1 year later) to actually do anything about it, but that was more opportunity than deciding that we needed to build our relationship first. We knew from the start that we wanted to spend out lives together, and swinging will never change that.
We wanted to try new things together. Neither of us had explored our bi sides before we met, and we are both glad of that fact, all our exploring was done together. But that's something that we cannot give each other, cos lets face it, we don't have the right equipment for that side of things.
It it no way negates the way we feel for each other or what we have together sexually, having shagged enough people now I can say for certainty that he the best lover for me. for us it's not about sex with others for sexs sake. It's about experimenting together.
If we feel that our swinging life has just become about sex and we are no longer trying new things we stop, we have done twice in the past for a good few years each time and not one moment of the monogamous years have had my eye wandering elsewhere. We start again when we (usually in the heat of our dirty talk) stumble across something we haven't tried and want to try. There may come a time when we've tried everything and we stop for good. At that time, my man is more than enough for me, and I him. We'll have some bloody great shared experiences that we can reminisce over in our old age tho! |
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We too have had monogamous periods ,generally one of us hasnt fancied it...ans when pregnant we were always very couply and nest building...though we did fantasize about being watched then(hadnt bloody discovered chat rooms lol)
But within those times i dont think i was any different in how i felt...we just werent having sex with other people if that makes sense.
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"Bernie and I met through this site (we both attended a mutual friend's party). We didn't set out to fall in love...in fact we didn't set out to have a relationship, but it happened (and I thank my lucky stars that it did cos we're very happy).
I have seen, on other threads, the suggestion that if two people start a relationship they should take time out from swinging to allow the relationship to develop properly. Now for some people maybe that's what they need to do - either take a break or walk away from swinging forever. I have friends who have done this. For myself (and Bernie) I'd say why would we want to do that. I love Bernie and I know he loves me. We live together. We share our lives with each other, and we're planning our future together. However we both enjoy sex...particularly with each other, but also with others. I get an enormous amount of pleasure watching Bernie pleasuring others and vice versa. It certainly doen't take anything away from our relationship. That goes on 24/7...... whereas playing with others is something we do when we want to...sometimes 2-3 times a week......, sometimes not at all (and very shortly we've got two 10 day swinging holidays arranged where we intend to play with lots of other horny, sexy people ).
Like Jemima says, sex is a physical act and while, for me, some emotions are necessary (passion, humour etc., along with honesty and a certain amount of trust, the ones which make us a couple (love and commitment) are not something we look for or expect in our playmates.
Will we ever be monogamous...who knows...maybe if we both live to be really old we won't have the same urges to play with others (or even each other), it's something no-one can really predict."
so much what i feel, but better said... |
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"
What does monogamy mean to you and do you think some people are just "cut out" for it?
I think some are too purposefully focussed on sex with others being an unfaithful illicit act. I think some cannot grasp the idea of their exclusive position with their partner in the light of sharing their partner with others. I think that some view the act of swapping as a game that they would never play with a loved one - that somehow they would have met the be all and end all, and that would require them to be reformed monogamists never to darken the sordid doors of depravity again (at least not that overtly such that their new found partner would know).
Monogamy provides a set of blinkers that stop you seeing important sides to your partner that really every 'pair' should see for their own knowledge. Such knowledge can confirm the partnership bond in an unenquired and subtle way that otherwise in monogamy someone would always be guessing and thinking the worst of. Monogamy encourages cheating, and places jealousy at the head of its altar.
Wolf
"
An interesting view...do you think therefore that no one is naturally monogomous ,that it is just society and insecurity? |
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"I think monagamy for people is a tad difficult in the longrun .
Although at the start of a relationship that you would like to go further ,I think most single people will try to make it work as they want to build a relationship that is not just based on sex ,this is to build trust amongst other things.
Now just to throw a spanner in the works - How many couples on here(and I don't mean those who are single with FB's ,who say they are a couple) I mean married/living together started off with their partner in a monogamous relationship until at some point one or both of you decided you would like to add a bit more spice to the relationship and how long was the relationship going before you did ?
*now i'll go and duck for cover *
We were a "normal" couple but knew that sex with others was going to happen as its part of who we are...
We had another in our sex life right from the start.. and have slowly developed our relationship on that basis.. As we have got closer together, our fun with others has got more dirty.. however I dont kiss and cuddle up with meets.. and wouldnt spend the night with others either..
We didnt meet through swinging either.. just knew when we first started talking that monogamy was never going to be for us.
Cali "
Normal...wash your mouth out with soap Ms Cali  |
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Here is something to throw into the mix...Sir has just left after a fab lunchtime quickie...i am of course monogomous to him in that i submit to no one else...but he loves me being a filthy slut...the filthier the better...
Another side to the its about emotions not actions idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ms puddle. My master and I started out as friends, which led to lovers, which developed into master and slave as well.
I too only submit to one person. I don't have a desire to serve at all.. apart from with my master.
But I love power dynamics... It's just normally the other way around. Yet I'd not have it any other way..
Cali |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"mo•nog•a•my/m?'näg?me/
Noun:
The practice or state of being married to one person at a time.
The practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.
Says it all really
How can you say you totally believe in monogamy and have sex with other people
It is a contradicton in itself xxx"
Kinda like singles calling themselves swingers! Worst of all the singles who openly state that they wouldn't let their partner do anything like this or that if they found a partner, they would give up "swinging"!
As to Jemima's topic? I can understand that when in the first throws of love, very young and all "loved up" this may not cross your mind. Which is one of the reasons we cannot understand why 18 an 20 year olds want to come on here, unless it is not a serious relationship! We know a few "youngsters" who have been on sites like this and have split after a year or so..
I think swinging by committed couples take a bit more maturity than they had when first starting out. I know that many couples were very possessive at a younger age, but now have no problem in sharing themselves. It’s not a one size fits all, although I do wonder why more couples don’t get into this instead of sitting on the sidelines..
Ever since we first met, I have had fantasies about seeing Les with other people, but as well as the excitement, I also had that wrench of jealousy. As I got older, it became more exciting and less of a problem. We used it in our sex games, but it was not until we were 40 that we actually took the bull by the horns.
Would we, indeed could we go back to how we were? All I can say is that we could go back to a truly monogamous relationship (as described in the quote) but not as we were.. We have done it, the genie is out of the bottle and I think we would still frequent the sites and chat rooms for a while, just not physically meet. Gradually we would stop!
Can I see this happening? No! But above all, Les comes first (no pun intended) and if she wished to stop, I would make it so…
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i can see what u mean about age Rumour...though some ppl are more mature at 20 than others at 50...what we were doing i class as experimenting and taking opportunisties as they cam up rather than swining...
i certainly wouldnt have had the confidence in my 20s to go to a club... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt want to share my partner full stop. Nor would I want her to share me either. Just does not interest me in the slightest.
Heres a classic example tho right from a single blokes eyes ie my own. When im single I dont no how but I must give off this presence of hey im here and im gaggin for it. Not in a desperate way I hope lol but for some reason women seem to be able to pick right up on that in an instance and dont really give you the time of day at all.
Yet get your self in a relationship and are happy and content and we men then must give off a total differnt signal all together. Which some women I have to say for what ever reason known only to them selfs seem to find this a turn on. Maybe in a kind of way that whys he not paying me any attention hmmmm he must be happy with someone. Tell ya what I will flirt with him and see if I can tempt him.
Does anyone no were im coming from with this or am I just talking bollox?? lol"
Although I applaud your honesty, I do find it a bit sad that you are willing to use swingers, though you would not swing yourself with a partner.
But that is just my opinion. |
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"I wouldnt want to share my partner full stop. Nor would I want her to share me either. Just does not interest me in the slightest.
Heres a classic example tho right from a single blokes eyes ie my own. When im single I dont no how but I must give off this presence of hey im here and im gaggin for it. Not in a desperate way I hope lol but for some reason women seem to be able to pick right up on that in an instance and dont really give you the time of day at all.
Yet get your self in a relationship and are happy and content and we men then must give off a total differnt signal all together. Which some women I have to say for what ever reason known only to them selfs seem to find this a turn on. Maybe in a kind of way that whys he not paying me any attention hmmmm he must be happy with someone. Tell ya what I will flirt with him and see if I can tempt him.
Does anyone no were im coming from with this or am I just talking bollox?? lol
Although I applaud your honesty, I do find it a bit sad that you are willing to use swingers, though you would not swing yourself with a partner.
But that is just my opinion. "
AS timbers said though he is mainly here looking for single women...so its not really swining is it(and yes thats a definition get over it lol)
i just cant see why someomne would know they could be having amazing sexual experiences with their partner and not want to, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt want to share my partner full stop. Nor would I want her to share me either. Just does not interest me in the slightest.
Heres a classic example tho right from a single blokes eyes ie my own. When im single I dont no how but I must give off this presence of hey im here and im gaggin for it. Not in a desperate way I hope lol but for some reason women seem to be able to pick right up on that in an instance and dont really give you the time of day at all.
Yet get your self in a relationship and are happy and content and we men then must give off a total differnt signal all together. Which some women I have to say for what ever reason known only to them selfs seem to find this a turn on. Maybe in a kind of way that whys he not paying me any attention hmmmm he must be happy with someone. Tell ya what I will flirt with him and see if I can tempt him.
Does anyone no were im coming from with this or am I just talking bollox?? lol
Although I applaud your honesty, I do find it a bit sad that you are willing to use swingers, though you would not swing yourself with a partner.
But that is just my opinion.
AS timbers said though he is mainly here looking for single women...so its not really swining is it(and yes thats a definition get over it lol)
i just cant see why someomne would know they could be having amazing sexual experiences with their partner and not want to, "
I would posit that he is looking for a fuck not a woman, since he does not want any woman of his to swing. |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"i can see what u mean about age Rumour...though some ppl are more mature at 20 than others at 50...what we were doing i class as experimenting and taking opportunisties as they cam up rather than swining...
i certainly wouldnt have had the confidence in my 20s to go to a club..."
Us neither, Jem. And also agree that some at 20 are more confident than those a lot older! Perhaps I should have said people in the first passion of a loved up relationship, rather than age! (present company excepted! ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been part of a swinging couple, so I'm not sure. I think I would prefer not to share my partner for a good while anyway. I think to have that kind of trust in a relationship to be able to enjoy swinging without causing issues you have to be an established couple.
Ask me again when I found a great guy who I want to be with
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Havent read all the replies. Ive never been monogamous, didnt realize it was perfectlty normal for some people not to be. I used to be unfaithful in relationships that where good, it was just sex with different people i wanted. I can have some feelings for other people.
For me sex is an act, nothing to do with love, im more likely to fall in love with someone that is really lovely to me is sweet and kind and full of affection than i am with someone that makes the earth move for me sexually. I could love without sex quite easily.
Meeting like minded people really changed me as a person ans i know longer felt weird, different or that there was something wrong with me.
Maybe tomorrow i might not want sex with anyone else but the fact that i can whenever i want is something i need to know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
do you think some people are just "cut out" for it?
"
Yes...and theres no inherent virtue in it as we're 'schooled' to think..not cynical about people wanting it though..it just don't bestowe morality. |
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"I've never been part of a swinging couple, so I'm not sure. I think I would prefer not to share my partner for a good while anyway. I think to have that kind of trust in a relationship to be able to enjoy swinging without causing issues you have to be an established couple.
Ask me again when I found a great guy who I want to be with
"
Great honest answer...of course trust is the key...sometimes yoou know this exists though from very early on.Of course one of the great ways trust is built is by the sharing of fantasies |
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"
do you think some people are just "cut out" for it?
Yes...and theres no inherent virtue in it as we're 'schooled' to think..not cynical about people wanting it though..it just don't bestowe morality."
Think i agree,its just about being true to who u are, not virtue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have always been monogamous in relationships.
I'm a one man woman .... however ...... I have recently changed my mind.
if I were to enter into a relationship with someone I think I'd want to continue swinging, as a couple,and as singles.
But and a big but, I'd have to have implicit trust and affinity with my partner before that could happen.
A big part of love to me is giving pleasure to my partner and I think including another/others into our dynamic is an extension of my love for my partner and my giving him more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have always been monogamous in relationships.
I'm a one man woman .... however ...... I have recently changed my mind.
if I were to enter into a relationship with someone I think I'd want to continue swinging, as a couple,and as singles.
But and a big but, I'd have to have implicit trust and affinity with my partner before that could happen.
A big part of love to me is giving pleasure to my partner and I think including another/others into our dynamic is an extension of my love for my partner and my giving him more. "
that's our excuse - er logic, too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never been part of a swinging couple, so I'm not sure. I think I would prefer not to share my partner for a good while anyway. I think to have that kind of trust in a relationship to be able to enjoy swinging without causing issues you have to be an established couple.
Ask me again when I found a great guy who I want to be with
"
This is exactly my thoughts, and oddly enough was just pondering on it before I saw this thread
I don't have huge amounts of self confidence. The idea of being part of a swinging couple really does appeal to me, but I am genuinely fearful of discovering I couldn't hack it
I won't know for sure unless it happens, but for me it would definitely be down to my own confidence in a relationship... and to be honest, if I couldn't find that confidence in it, I would probably prefer to be single anyway. |
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"if i met mr right i doubt id be in an open relationship. Id want to give the relationship time to develop as just a 2 piece rather than inviting tom dick and harry to be apart of it. Ive always known im a one man woman. If i'm loved up then i dont even look at other men cos i'm content with what i have. Sex isnt everything for me, and if its good enough from my chosen partner why would i need more from someone else. "
Interesting answer. It could be argued that swinging is a mindset and not a status (i.e couples only) in which case are you a swinger or here for casual sex? From the answer, i'd say the latter.
If a guy had posted your response, I think he'd have been slated....
And to insinuate couples who are here are missing something.... whoah there. MANY would say you are way off base.
I have the most amazing sex with my husband I have ever had (and i've had a lot of sex in my 33 years!) So why are we here? Sex with others adds something, it doesn't mean we're missing anything. |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
"Havent read all the replies. Ive never been monogamous, didnt realize it was perfectlty normal for some people not to be. I used to be unfaithful in relationships that where good, it was just sex with different people i wanted. I can have some feelings for other people.
For me sex is an act, nothing to do with love, im more likely to fall in love with someone that is really lovely to me is sweet and kind and full of affection than i am with someone that makes the earth move for me sexually. I could love without sex quite easily.
Meeting like minded people really changed me as a person ans i know longer felt weird, different or that there was something wrong with me.
Maybe tomorrow i might not want sex with anyone else but the fact that i can whenever i want is something i need to know"
Diamond, that's me to a tee, I've "cheated" on all my relationships....you put it so much better than I could (apart from the "tomorrow I might not want sex" bit ) |
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"if i met mr right i doubt id be in an open relationship. Id want to give the relationship time to develop as just a 2 piece rather than inviting tom dick and harry to be apart of it. Ive always known im a one man woman. If i'm loved up then i dont even look at other men cos i'm content with what i have. Sex isnt everything for me, and if its good enough from my chosen partner why would i need more from someone else.
Interesting answer. It could be argued that swinging is a mindset and not a status (i.e couples only) in which case are you a swinger or here for casual sex? From the answer, i'd say the latter.
If a guy had posted your response, I think he'd have been slated....
And to insinuate couples who are here are missing something.... whoah there. MANY would say you are way off base.
I have the most amazing sex with my husband I have ever had (and i've had a lot of sex in my 33 years!) So why are we here? Sex with others adds something, it doesn't mean we're missing anything. "
i noticed that i was the only one to find that answer derogatory and insulting...but agree that swinging is a state of mind some just dont have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been good at 'relationships' which is probably why coming on a site like this works for me...I get all the physical benefits without having to worry about it all going tits up! I wouldn't rule a relationship out, but whoever it was with would have to accept that I have been swinging (or having casual sex seeing as I'm single!) as I wouldn't hide that from them. If they categorically weren't interested in the scene at all then I would be monogamous, but after having my eyes opened to swinging in the last 2 years I don't honestly know if I'd be happy with that or not...I'd try it, but if it didn't work for me I'd have to end things as I couldn't cheat.
If I were to meet someone who was happy to swing then I would definitely try it, even if just to test if the green eyed monster reared it's head, but I really don't think it would as the whole honesty and trust thing would be all the more important...as it is to all swinging couples. Although I don't know how happy I would be to play separately oddly enough! x |
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"I've never been good at 'relationships' which is probably why coming on a site like this works for me...I get all the physical benefits without having to worry about it all going tits up! I wouldn't rule a relationship out, but whoever it was with would have to accept that I have been swinging (or having casual sex seeing as I'm single!) as I wouldn't hide that from them. If they categorically weren't interested in the scene at all then I would be monogamous, but after having my eyes opened to swinging in the last 2 years I don't honestly know if I'd be happy with that or not...I'd try it, but if it didn't work for me I'd have to end things as I couldn't cheat.
If I were to meet someone who was happy to swing then I would definitely try it, even if just to test if the green eyed monster reared it's head, but I really don't think it would as the whole honesty and trust thing would be all the more important...as it is to all swinging couples. Although I don't know how happy I would be to play separately oddly enough! x"
i dont think that is odd at all...it is something some ppl never do...we had a massive(about 15 yr|)break from doing it cos we found people got attached when they met us seperatly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never been good at 'relationships' which is probably why coming on a site like this works for me...I get all the physical benefits without having to worry about it all going tits up! I wouldn't rule a relationship out, but whoever it was with would have to accept that I have been swinging (or having casual sex seeing as I'm single!) as I wouldn't hide that from them. If they categorically weren't interested in the scene at all then I would be monogamous, but after having my eyes opened to swinging in the last 2 years I don't honestly know if I'd be happy with that or not...I'd try it, but if it didn't work for me I'd have to end things as I couldn't cheat.
If I were to meet someone who was happy to swing then I would definitely try it, even if just to test if the green eyed monster reared it's head, but I really don't think it would as the whole honesty and trust thing would be all the more important...as it is to all swinging couples. Although I don't know how happy I would be to play separately oddly enough! x
i dont think that is odd at all...it is something some ppl never do...we had a massive(about 15 yr|)break from doing it cos we found people got attached when they met us seperatly."
I guess...was just thinking as I play alone it might come across as hypocritical to say I wouldn't want to do that if I was with someone x |
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