FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Judgemental scene
Judgemental scene
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"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. " That is so true!! Respect! | |||
"Is it the scene being judgemental or those that find they're not getting meets using "judgemental" as something to blame for their lack of meets? As a member of one of the categories mentioned (bisexual) I can honestly say the number of times I feel I've been judged because of my sexuality has been twice in three years of being here (and both those times was by people who were clearly homophobic) - similarly the fact I am submissive with an interest in BDSM, the only time I've felt judged has been by people with an ignorance of that particular brand of sexuality. On both of the above people who are accepting or indifferent to my sexuality and interests have been in the overwhelming majority "I'm glad you've found the scene to be mostly a positive experience for you,and I hope it continues to be that way. I wasn't saying that's how it is for everyone,merely that it's how I perceive it after 15 or so years. Obviously it will vary from person to person as each parties experience is individual,and views will of course be subjective,I was just curious as to what others thoughts on the matter where. The amount of meets I am or am not getting is irrelevant to this idle observation,I think it's a valid point you make about those not getting meets using discrimination as an excuse,but on this occasion that doesn't apply. I asked the question because I was catching up with a former FWB earlier,our time swinging and on Fab came up in conversation and it got me thinking about the subject,we used to have a profile on here years back specifically looking to meet black men and men aged 18-20,which was very clearly stated on our profile.The amount of hate mail we received because of this was astonishing,some truly vile displays of bigotry,narrow-mindedness and discrimination were shown,including a lot from people who professed to be open-minded and non-discriminatory in their profile and on the forums. There's also the regular single male bashing on the forums,which whilst people are entitled to preference,often goes beyond merely preference and becomes judgemental and discriminatory. Like I say,just an idle observation,and only based on my own experiences | |||
"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. " I don't mean people saying no to someone they don't fancy,that's everyone's right as standard and shouldn't need to be explained.I'm referring more to those who are judgemental and/or discriminatory based on age,looks,race,size etc | |||
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"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. I don't mean people saying no to someone they don't fancy,that's everyone's right as standard and shouldn't need to be explained.I'm referring more to those who are judgemental and/or discriminatory based on age,looks,race,size etc" I see what you mean. When it comes to it though the percentage of people actively discriminating in that way is really rather small, it just stands out because it is negative and there's not many shouting about these things in a positive way, it's just not something we do. I think people are on the whole quite nonplussed about the site members they're not interested in, they're too busy looking for people they are. | |||
"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... " Life as a whole is judgemental, no matter where you are or the situation people judge. Human nature. Rise above it ignore it an move on | |||
"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. I don't mean people saying no to someone they don't fancy,that's everyone's right as standard and shouldn't need to be explained.I'm referring more to those who are judgemental and/or discriminatory based on age,looks,race,size etc I see what you mean. When it comes to it though the percentage of people actively discriminating in that way is really rather small, it just stands out because it is negative and there's not many shouting about these things in a positive way, it's just not something we do. I think people are on the whole quite nonplussed about the site members they're not interested in, they're too busy looking for people they are. " That's a good point you make about it standing out more,but in my experience it's not a small number.I'm also referring to the scene in general,not just Fab | |||
"Is it the scene being judgemental or those that find they're not getting meets using "judgemental" as something to blame for their lack of meets? As a member of one of the categories mentioned (bisexual) I can honestly say the number of times I feel I've been judged because of my sexuality has been twice in three years of being here (and both those times was by people who were clearly homophobic) - similarly the fact I am submissive with an interest in BDSM, the only time I've felt judged has been by people with an ignorance of that particular brand of sexuality. On both of the above people who are accepting or indifferent to my sexuality and interests have been in the overwhelming majority
I'm glad you've found the scene to be mostly a positive experience for you,and I hope it continues to be that way.
I wasn't saying that's how it is for everyone,merely that it's how I perceive it after 15 or so years.
Obviously it will vary from person to person as each parties experience is individual,and views will of course be subjective,I was just curious as to what others thoughts on the matter where.
The amount of meets I am or am not getting is irrelevant to this idle observation,I think it's a valid point you make about those not getting meets using discrimination as an excuse,but on this occasion that doesn't apply. I asked the question because I was catching up with a former FWB earlier,our time swinging and on Fab came up in conversation and it got me thinking about the subject,we used to have a profile on here years back specifically looking to meet black men and men aged 18-20,which was very clearly stated on our profile.The amount of hate mail we received because of this was astonishing,some truly vile displays of bigotry,narrow-mindedness and discrimination were shown,including a lot from people who professed to be open-minded and non-discriminatory in their profile and on the forums.
There's also the regular single male bashing on the forums,which whilst people are entitled to preference,often goes beyond merely preference and becomes judgemental and discriminatory.
Like I say,just an idle observation,and only based on my own experiences"To be totally clear my post was in no way a reflection on you - more a more generalised observation based on what I see here on the forums and elsewhere where people *do* tend to bemoan their "luck" and often blame it on being discriminated against rather than looking closer to home for the reasons. And as it's often the case that people post about their negative experiences in that respect rather than their positive ones it creates a false perception of the reality, which is people expressing preferences and others having a false sense of expectation and understanding about the site. I don't disagree that there are *some* who can be very judgemental, but you get that in every walk of life and where those people are being vile or bigoted they should rightly be called on it. As for man bashing on the forums, again I think it's a subjective thing - and one kind of begets the other so it becomes a vicious circle of men moaning about lack of replies, not getting any meets and becoming frustrated and abusive that then brings out the people moaning about single men - and until you stop one you won't stop the other, unfortunately I can't ever see that happening. Meanwhile there are a lot of people who go quietly and happily about their Fab business having a generally good experience of the site - I just think the forums can at times create a somewhat false perception and that the amount of actual judgement etc is minimal. | |||
"Is it the scene being judgemental or those that find they're not getting meets using "judgemental" as something to blame for their lack of meets? As a member of one of the categories mentioned (bisexual) I can honestly say the number of times I feel I've been judged because of my sexuality has been twice in three years of being here (and both those times was by people who were clearly homophobic) - similarly the fact I am submissive with an interest in BDSM, the only time I've felt judged has been by people with an ignorance of that particular brand of sexuality. On both of the above people who are accepting or indifferent to my sexuality and interests have been in the overwhelming majority
I'm glad you've found the scene to be mostly a positive experience for you,and I hope it continues to be that way.
I wasn't saying that's how it is for everyone,merely that it's how I perceive it after 15 or so years.
Obviously it will vary from person to person as each parties experience is individual,and views will of course be subjective,I was just curious as to what others thoughts on the matter where.
The amount of meets I am or am not getting is irrelevant to this idle observation,I think it's a valid point you make about those not getting meets using discrimination as an excuse,but on this occasion that doesn't apply. I asked the question because I was catching up with a former FWB earlier,our time swinging and on Fab came up in conversation and it got me thinking about the subject,we used to have a profile on here years back specifically looking to meet black men and men aged 18-20,which was very clearly stated on our profile.The amount of hate mail we received because of this was astonishing,some truly vile displays of bigotry,narrow-mindedness and discrimination were shown,including a lot from people who professed to be open-minded and non-discriminatory in their profile and on the forums.
There's also the regular single male bashing on the forums,which whilst people are entitled to preference,often goes beyond merely preference and becomes judgemental and discriminatory.
Like I say,just an idle observation,and only based on my own experiences
To be totally clear my post was in no way a reflection on you - more a more generalised observation based on what I see here on the forums and elsewhere where people *do* tend to bemoan their "luck" and often blame it on being discriminated against rather than looking closer to home for the reasons.
And as it's often the case that people post about their negative experiences in that respect rather than their positive ones it creates a false perception of the reality, which is people expressing preferences and others having a false sense of expectation and understanding about the site.
I don't disagree that there are *some* who can be very judgemental, but you get that in every walk of life and where those people are being vile or bigoted they should rightly be called on it.
As for man bashing on the forums, again I think it's a subjective thing - and one kind of begets the other so it becomes a vicious circle of men moaning about lack of replies, not getting any meets and becoming frustrated and abusive that then brings out the people moaning about single men - and until you stop one you won't stop the other, unfortunately I can't ever see that happening.
Meanwhile there are a lot of people who go quietly and happily about their Fab business having a generally good experience of the site - I just think the forums can at times create a somewhat false perception and that the amount of actual judgement etc is minimal."I didn't think you were referring specifically to me,apologies if that's the impression I gave I'd agree that a lot do blame their lack of prowess on discrimination rather than taking a look in the mirror,but I've found that's society all over these days,always looking for someone to blame rather than taking responsibility themselves. I'm not referring to just Fab,as to me this site is merely a small part of the scene,more the broader scene in general.Although from what I've seen over the years some people's entire scene is Fab,so I guess to some your points regarding Fab do apply to what is their scene. I also agree 100% that vile and bigoted people should be called out on it,there should never be a place for such behaviour in any walk of life. I do like your take on it all though,and I'm glad you've found the scene to be a positive experience overall,as you said people tend to be more vocal about negative experiences than positive ones so it's nice to hear a positive view and experience to counter it | |||
"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... " No body has to drop their pants for anyone else. If they're not attracted to you, they're not attracted. That is the end of it. We've told people no and people have told us no. It happens. The site is flooded with single guys and women + couples are going to get multiple messages from single guys. If you're not the one they choose then thats not discrimination. You;re more than welcome to be "on the scene" and more more than welcome to keep trying but fact is, you have a lot of competition to deal with. It is what it is. | |||
"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... No body has to drop their pants for anyone else. If they're not attracted to you, they're not attracted. That is the end of it. We've told people no and people have told us no. It happens. The site is flooded with single guys and women + couples are going to get multiple messages from single guys. If you're not the one they choose then thats not discrimination. You;re more than welcome to be "on the scene" and more more than welcome to keep trying but fact is, you have a lot of competition to deal with. It is what it is. " I think you've missed the point,but thanks for your contribution | |||
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"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... " Try some cities fetish scene. Dude, some areas are so bad that you have to have a master's degree just to go to a rope class | |||
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"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. I don't mean people saying no to someone they don't fancy,that's everyone's right as standard and shouldn't need to be explained.I'm referring more to those who are judgemental and/or discriminatory based on age,looks,race,size etc" What do you mean discriminatory? If someone isn't attracted to old, young, black, white, male, female, tv, bbw etc then they're just not attracted to them. | |||
"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. " This. Anything else is just overcomplicating the issue. | |||
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"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... " Deciding who you'd like to get down and dirty with isn't discriminating it's personal preference | |||
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"Some good points being made here,but I feel I need to point something out to those saying it's all about preference. I understand what preference is,and if you read one of my earlier posts I do mention about it being each individuals right that shouldn't need to be explained. Thing is,I'm not talking about preference,I'm talking about when it goes beyond preference and becomes discriminatory.From some of the replies given,it would seem that a few folk here are failing to understand the difference between the two. " Explain then. | |||
"Some good points being made here,but I feel I need to point something out to those saying it's all about preference. I understand what preference is,and if you read one of my earlier posts I do mention about it being each individuals right that shouldn't need to be explained. Thing is,I'm not talking about preference,I'm talking about when it goes beyond preference and becomes discriminatory.From some of the replies given,it would seem that a few folk here are failing to understand the difference between the two. Explain then." I would suggest an internet search or a dictionary if you're not sure what the difference between preference and discrimination is | |||
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"Some good points being made here,but I feel I need to point something out to those saying it's all about preference. I understand what preference is,and if you read one of my earlier posts I do mention about it being each individuals right that shouldn't need to be explained. Thing is,I'm not talking about preference,I'm talking about when it goes beyond preference and becomes discriminatory.From some of the replies given,it would seem that a few folk here are failing to understand the difference between the two. Explain then. I would suggest an internet search or a dictionary if you're not sure what the difference between preference and discrimination is "I'm asking for your explanation.
It's not discrimination to not want to fuck someone. | |||
" It's not discrimination to not want to fuck someone. " If you read back,you will see that I agree with that statement.It would seem you are missing my point here if you think I'm referring to personal preference as discrimination | |||
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" It's not discrimination to not want to fuck someone. If you read back,you will see that I agree with that statement.It would seem you are missing my point here if you think I'm referring to personal preference as discrimination "Yes, I don't know what you mean by discrimination. For sex? | |||
"I do find it to be very judgemental. I'm not so sure about discriminatory though." I’d agree with this! Haven’t noticed much in the categories you mentioned op - but I’ve noticed that women who play with a large number of partners are certainly judged on here! Men too perhaps? It’s a swinging website but many people will judge anyone who doesn’t swing exactly like they do/perceive to be the ‘right way’ to swing! This in itself I find very sad! | |||
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"I don't think it's discrimination so much as preference. People are here to have sexual encounters with people they find attractive, saying no to someone you don't fancy is perfectly valid. I don't mean people saying no to someone they don't fancy,that's everyone's right as standard and shouldn't need to be explained.I'm referring more to those who are judgemental and/or discriminatory based on age,looks,race,size etc I see what you mean. When it comes to it though the percentage of people actively discriminating in that way is really rather small, it just stands out because it is negative and there's not many shouting about these things in a positive way, it's just not something we do. I think people are on the whole quite nonplussed about the site members they're not interested in, they're too busy looking for people they are. " | |||
"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... " everyone judges at some point it's a human thing, here you're talking about possible intimacy so people will judge you on your worthiness to be intimate with them or your opinions or your previous suitors or how many suitors, the list is endless  | |||
"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... No body has to drop their pants for anyone else. If they're not attracted to you, they're not attracted. That is the end of it. We've told people no and people have told us no. It happens. The site is flooded with single guys and women + couples are going to get multiple messages from single guys. If you're not the one they choose then thats not discrimination. You;re more than welcome to be "on the scene" and more more than welcome to keep trying but fact is, you have a lot of competition to deal with. It is what it is. I think you've missed the point,but thanks for your contribution" No, I think you're missing the point. You're the one making claims about people being judgmental and /or discriminatory. Nobody stopped you or anyone else joining "the scene". After that all bets are off. People meet who they want to meet. You cant dress it up as discrimination just because people wont meet others on certain physical factors. | |||
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"Does anyone else find the swinging scene in general to be rather judgemental and discriminatory? I've noticed over the years that the scene portrays itself as being welcoming to all regardless of age,looks,sexuality,size,kinks etc yet in reality the majority of swingers are actually rather judgemental and quite discriminatory towards one or more elements? From what I've seen it tends to be younger swingers,single men,bi men,Asian and black swingers,and larger men that tend to be on the receiving end of such treatment. Just an idle observation.... No body has to drop their pants for anyone else. If they're not attracted to you, they're not attracted. That is the end of it. We've told people no and people have told us no. It happens. The site is flooded with single guys and women + couples are going to get multiple messages from single guys. If you're not the one they choose then thats not discrimination. You;re more than welcome to be "on the scene" and more more than welcome to keep trying but fact is, you have a lot of competition to deal with. It is what it is. I think you've missed the point,but thanks for your contribution No, I think you're missing the point. You're the one making claims about people being judgmental and /or discriminatory. Nobody stopped you or anyone else joining "the scene". After that all bets are off. People meet who they want to meet. You cant dress it up as discrimination just because people wont meet others on certain physical factors. " I very much doubt I'm missing the point of my own question,but your replies would suggest that you are. You seem unable to comprehend that this isn't about select physical factors one seeks in a potentially intimate play partner,it's about judging people based on an assumption regarding a particular attribute or discriminating against an entire group based again on assumption regarding an attribute. But hey,it's all about preference apparently | |||
"OP, the eternal question: what do you suggest?" What I suggest doesn't matter in this instance,and it isn't for me to tell or suggest to others how they should or shouldn't conduct themselves.I just choose not to associate with people I find to be judgemental or discriminatory rather than drag myself down to their level. I didn't ask the question because I have the perfect answer or suggestions,it was merely to hear what others thought on the subject based on their experiences,which will obviously be different to my own.More a curiosity rising from an idle observation kind of thing. | |||
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