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By *lirty14u OP Man
over a year ago
Milton Keynes |
Three friends of mine (not me, honest) went to Krakow last year, 3 x 30 something guys, thinking they were on for a long weekend of Eastern European cheap booze and stunning local girls swooning over Ze English men.
Unfortunately, they found it was all very cultured, full of Nuns, and the local girls would have absolutely nothing to do with them in any of the bars! They also failed to find a night club to dance at.
So they did the tourist sites, and went back to the 1 bed apartment they booked, (skinflints) to get stuck in to the booze they picked up on the way there.
When they got there, there was a business card under the door, with a silhouette of a naked, longhaired girl on it, with a Polish girls name and a mobile phone number. This must be how it’s done here, they come out to the hotels and apartments.
It got put on the table, as none of them wanted to show they were that interested, but after being knocked back all night, they were gagging for it.
They then played spoof for which two would get the 2 beds, the loser having to sleep on the couch. This went on for an hour, with them all drinking heavily, then a guy who has been single for a year said “Sod it, I’m calling that number”. But all he got was an ansaphone, so he hung up.
Another few drinks later, he called again and left a message asking for her to call back. Another few drinks, and he called and left a very detailed message of exactly what he wanted to do to her and what he wanted her to do to him, and how he was loaded and could pay for it all.
By 4am, a lot more vodka later, and many more calls, he had worked his way though most of the basic perversions, and was now proposing marriage and said she could come and live with him in England, if she would just call back! “Please, please call back!” But no-one ever answered it and she never called. He went to bed d*unk and horny.
In the morning, they went to give the keys back to the caretaker, and the guy was still carrying the business card. The Caretaker said, “Ah, did you meet her? Very good, she my sister! Top quality yes?”
They all shuffled their feet and thought of Borat in the film exclaiming how his sister was “Second best Prostitute in all Khazakstan!”
“Yes, top quality, she is learning English too. She wants to be a teacher, then she can give up this mobile hairdressing job.” he said pointing at the card.
Suddenly the silhouette of the girls head on the card made sense…
There was a long silence.
They left.
Swiftly.
I hope she didn’t try translating it all…..
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