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Honesty
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"Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue. Honesty" Succinct, beautiful. Not quite the depth I was looking for. What are your motives for wanting that? why fab? How you deal and manage your interactions, do you lie to get this all important wetness? | |||
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"I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am" The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way" That's very true about the money! I agree that maturity and 'I am who I am' does have a very honest level to it, do you find that you understand *why* you are who you are? | |||
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"I think I'm incredibly honest with myself.. About what I want or don't want or even when I don't know what i want. I also like to think I'm honest with others. I can't see the point of been any other way... " I agree. I think though that honesty with others is a separate thing. It's a case of understanding your motives and why you want the things that you do... | |||
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"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea" Looking for nsa here. Anything else isn't anyone's business | |||
"I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am" The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way That's very true about the money! I agree that maturity and 'I am who I am' does have a very honest level to it, do you find that you understand *why* you are who you are? " I think it's the age, the life experience, and learning from the mistakes made. If you can be honest with yourself about your own failings and weaknesses, you find it easier to accept those that others have, and that makes your relationships with those people, be they family, friends or partners, so much better. | |||
"I try to be true to myself, it's not always possible though." Why not? | |||
"Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue. Honesty Succinct, beautiful. Not quite the depth I was looking for. What are your motives for wanting that? why fab? How you deal and manage your interactions, do you lie to get this all important wetness? " I want it because of a chemical balance in my brain that makes me feel horny. I never lie in order to get in to someone's knickers, rarely lie at all, i have respect for others and what they are looking for in a man. I could easily say I'm not a smoker and have far more options but i don't, i could post fake photos to get more attention but i don't. Honesty brings the greatest rewards of self worth which are reaffirmed when someone else choses you. | |||
"i dont know what i want at all. im on a voyage of self discovery" So you don't know why you're here, what you want or why you want it? | |||
"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea Looking for nsa here. Anything else isn't anyone's business " I'm not saying that it should be, I'm asking if you're honest with yourself about what you want, why you want it and how you go about it. Honesty with yourself has little to do with anyone else in the greater sense | |||
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"I think when I was younger I want honest with myself about a great many things ... managing money, I like this girl for who she is not because I can just get sex, the world will end if people don't like me etc As I've grown older I've matured in attitude, I'm more honest with myself to the point where I just think "fuck it, I am who I am, take me for who I am" The money management lesson you tend to learn the hard way That's very true about the money! I agree that maturity and 'I am who I am' does have a very honest level to it, do you find that you understand *why* you are who you are? I think it's the age, the life experience, and learning from the mistakes made. If you can be honest with yourself about your own failings and weaknesses, you find it easier to accept those that others have, and that makes your relationships with those people, be they family, friends or partners, so much better. " Well said. I try and be honest with myself about what I'm doing, why and how I can change or improve what I'm doing | |||
"I think I'm incredibly honest with myself.. About what I want or don't want or even when I don't know what i want. I also like to think I'm honest with others. I can't see the point of been any other way... I agree. I think though that honesty with others is a separate thing. It's a case of understanding your motives and why you want the things that you do... " Sometimes I think it's just trying to figure that out.. Especially after huge life changing events and I think it's ok to sometimes I don't know what the hell I want and ride it out... But at least I acknowledge it.. And try to be true to myself x | |||
"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea Looking for nsa here. Anything else isn't anyone's business I'm not saying that it should be, I'm asking if you're honest with yourself about what you want, why you want it and how you go about it. Honesty with yourself has little to do with anyone else in the greater sense" Yeah I am with myself Others not so much in the dating world, if they don't ask  | |||
"Yep i wanna get my knob wet, also my tongue. Honesty Succinct, beautiful. Not quite the depth I was looking for. What are your motives for wanting that? why fab? How you deal and manage your interactions, do you lie to get this all important wetness? I want it because of a chemical balance in my brain that makes me feel horny. I never lie in order to get in to someone's knickers, rarely lie at all, i have respect for others and what they are looking for in a man. I could easily say I'm not a smoker and have far more options but i don't, i could post fake photos to get more attention but i don't. Honesty brings the greatest rewards of self worth which are reaffirmed when someone else choses you." Nicely put, thanks for the expanded answer | |||
"I can't really respond to this in the context of the question "Why not? | |||
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"I can't really respond to this in the context of the question
Why not? "I suppose because of the examples included. I'd say I'm honest, both to myself and others that matter, when it comes to how I go about things here | |||
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"i dont know what i want at all. im on a voyage of self discovery So you don't know why you're here, what you want or why you want it? " nope ... im finally learning about who i really am and what i truely want | |||
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"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is. I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that." I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control. | |||
"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is. I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that. I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control. " That's me too. Practically put my fingers in my ears then and did the "la la la la" I can't hear you thing. Other peoples intentions and motives are my major hurdle. So many people can't be honest with themselves, so why would they be honest with others? So many say one thing, yet do another. Yes, I can control my reaction to it, however I'm not prepared to let myself get taken for a muppet and the possible damage that can be done to a relationship may be irreversible. P | |||
" So many say one thing, yet do another. " I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say. If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it | |||
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"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is. I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that. I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control. That's me too. Practically put my fingers in my ears then and did the "la la la la" I can't hear you thing. Other peoples intentions and motives are my major hurdle. So many people can't be honest with themselves, so why would they be honest with others? So many say one thing, yet do another. Yes, I can control my reaction to it, however I'm not prepared to let myself get taken for a muppet and the possible damage that can be done to a relationship may be irreversible. P" I think fab is actually helping with letting others' actions/opinions have less of an effect on me. Nothing personal, don't take it to heart. (But of course it still can, I'm not a robot) | |||
"I've tried to lie to myself once " Did you believe yourself  | |||
"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P" That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. | |||
"i dont know what i want at all. im on a voyage of self discovery So you don't know why you're here, what you want or why you want it? nope ... im finally learning about who i really am and what i truely want " That's a good thing in itself | |||
" So many say one thing, yet do another. I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say. If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it " I hear ya. I'm aware peoples wants, needs and desires may change and that's ok. But as far as the "who" they are and how they portray themselves, well, I struggle to understand and accept things can be so different so come to the conclusion things are being hidden for a reason, and not a good one. P | |||
"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is. I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that." Honesty with others is one thing and entirely laudable, honesty with yourself is a very different creature. As you say, you have no control over how others act or react, all you can do is you, its not the easiest thing to remember at times though. | |||
"I've tried to lie to myself once Did you believe yourself "Well I am a good actor but sort of knew that something wasn't right you know what I mean? | |||
"I'm honest to a fault, my gut reaction is to tell the truth whether it gets me in the shit or not. I doubt I'm sharp enough to maintain a lie anyway, keeping track of life uses enough brain power as it is. I try to take responsibility for my actions, especially over the last year or so I've become better at self-analysis and calling myself out on my bullshit. My delusions tend to be about other people, their motives, which is ridiculous as it's totally out of my control. But I'm getting better at not caring about that. I relate immensely to that final point. It’s hard to shut off the analysing and assumptions and focus back on what I can control. That's me too. Practically put my fingers in my ears then and did the "la la la la" I can't hear you thing. Other peoples intentions and motives are my major hurdle. So many people can't be honest with themselves, so why would they be honest with others? So many say one thing, yet do another. Yes, I can control my reaction to it, however I'm not prepared to let myself get taken for a muppet and the possible damage that can be done to a relationship may be irreversible. P" I agree with this too, I find something that I struggle with daily is what I can and can't control, what's within my power to change and dealing with the frustration of the things that I can't. | |||
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"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia" Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false... | |||
" So many say one thing, yet do another. I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say. If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it " That's an interesting point, do you follow that same process with yourself? | |||
"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia" I think we need to spend more time in Inverness. | |||
"I try to fool myself regularly with lies but I am aware it’s all bollocks. " In what what? | |||
"I lie to myself that I haven't got time to go to the gym. Oh dear Jo x" | |||
"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false..." It is true, my tinder and badoo have barely any matches and those that do match don't bother to message me or repky to a message, when I go out I don't get hit on, even when dressed up or going on a night out. I have no fuck buddies, partners or anything else. Even here I don't get mass amounts of attention. But hey ho, always been the case so I'm used to it. ~Mia | |||
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"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. " Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P | |||
"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false..." Perception, reality and how things appear are all very different things, whilst I recognise that this was intended as a compliment, I'm sure that a person's understanding of their own situation is far better than the impression of a person looking at pictures on a screen. | |||
"I know what I want, my motives, my preferences, and I'm honest with myself about all that. I know if I lie or not and the reasons why." I pretty much expected this reaction from yourself | |||
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"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false... Perception, reality and how things appear are all very different things, whilst I recognise that this was intended as a compliment, I'm sure that a person's understanding of their own situation is far better than the impression of a person looking at pictures on a screen. " Indeed. It's always been the case for me. I'm not fishing for anything by stating my reality. ~Mia | |||
"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P" I like all that you wrote, your honesty and openness is tangible and I relate to it a lot. -Mrs | |||
"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia Are you kidding, you don't get much attention with a hot body like that? Something tells me this is false... Perception, reality and how things appear are all very different things, whilst I recognise that this was intended as a compliment, I'm sure that a person's understanding of their own situation is far better than the impression of a person looking at pictures on a screen. " You are of course correct and certainly no offence was meant by my comment. I get that self confidence and perception of ones self is often very different to what those viewing from the outside may believe. | |||
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"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P" I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar. I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage. | |||
"I've tried to lie to myself once Did you believe yourself
Well I am a good actor but sort of knew that something wasn't right you know what I mean? "Uncanny Valley | |||
"I'm on here because I don't get much attention in normal life and my sex life is dire. ~Mia" I feel that | |||
"Pretty much.. I over explain if anything "That's OK GK... I love your voice anyway | |||
"Yup. 100%... And if I post or message something bitchy or out of character, I'll be really pissed off with myself for reacting and letting myself down. I put myself on a timeout. " 48 minutes on the naughty step is quite long... | |||
"Pretty much.. I over explain if anything "After seeing your posts, I know that you try to keep yourself as honest and true as possible. | |||
"I know what I want, my motives, my preferences, and I'm honest with myself about all that. I know if I lie or not and the reasons why. I pretty much expected this reaction from yourself " Should I be offended? | |||
"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P I like all that you wrote, your honesty and openness is tangible and I relate to it a lot. -Mrs" Thank you, I just feel if I'm honest about who I am, and what I need (complete transparency, no bullshit, understanding) then people will know who/what they're dealing with. We all say time and again that if we're truthful about stuff we'll end up bumping into the people that meet our needs. By trying to fit into a box and bend ourselves to be what others want rather than what we want or who isn't just being unfair on ourselves it's being unfair on the other person/people too, as we aren't giving them or letting them see our true selves. Fair enough if you only meet people for fantasy stuff or you live by your fab alter ego and that's the only side people will ever see or the only "you" you'll be relating to fab as then that's straight forward to a degree, but if you're the kind of person who becomes mates with, cares for others then it ain't really fair. I don't want to find out I've bonded with someone, defended someone, cared for someone who then turns out to be a right devious cunt away from fab who's taking people for fools. P | |||
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"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar. I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage. " Absolutely. There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?" I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest. P | |||
"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely. " I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though | |||
"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely. I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though" Of course it *could* affect others. Everything could. Not everything needs to be shared or discussed, especially when the other isn't willing to truly listen. | |||
" So many say one thing, yet do another. I'm definitely more inclined to get the measure of someone based on what they do rather than say. If the 2 don't fit together, I have to question it That's an interesting point, do you follow that same process with yourself? " I tend not to say that much about myself in terms of making claims about who/what I am. But yeah, there are occasions when I've had to have a word with myself | |||
"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar. I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage. Absolutely. There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?" I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest. P" Just one muppet? What about all the many many other people you come into contact with who don't prove the unrest? The nice ones who prove you're on the right track? | |||
"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely. I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though Of course it *could* affect others. Everything could. Not everything needs to be shared or discussed, especially when the other isn't willing to truly listen." Therin lies another thing, a lot of people don't truly listen (maybe because they don't care or it seems like hard work that they didn't sign up for, or extra effort they can't be arsed to make) Some will also take the findings and use them to their own gain in an abusive way. It's a risk we take when we open up. P | |||
"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar. I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage. Absolutely. There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?" I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest. P Just one muppet? What about all the many many other people you come into contact with who don't prove the unrest? The nice ones who prove you're on the right track?" The problem is it's normally the ones I want to trust but am unsure of that prove my unrest right. There are some I trust without question, like in my tummy I know they're good souls. I can forgive things in them I wouldn't in others because they've been honest and I respect honesty even if it stings a bit (sometimes a lot) P | |||
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"I'm learning about myself every week at the moment it seems. As much as I can be a hard nosed stubborn fucker I AM a sensitive soul. Opening the mind and allowing the "why" to surface can be a painful thing to do, because it highlights we aren't perfect. It's about understanding and allowing ourselves to look deeper and address things. It isn't easy as we realise there could be a fair amount of "unlearning" to be done to get to where we want to be in life and internally, and yes, it's bloody daunting when you discover you have no fucking idea how to get there, you just know you want to. So no, half the time I don't know what I want, as I don't know if it will help or hinder the where I am now. All I know is it's a slower process than I ever imagined it would be, but I do know where I want to get to. P That's a wonderfully honest post. I agree with you about all of that and yes, it can be painful if you realise you've been guilty of hypocrisy, hurting others or just being less than honest with yourself. Self improvement is difficult at times but that's the kind of honesty I was talking about. Thing is, when we truly get to the dark deep gritty side of it, in my case at least it can be traced back to areas in my life where I've been wronged. I know I'm not a bad human, but I don't always give people a chance or I'll super analyse other people because of damage that's been done previously. That doesn't mean the person I'm analysing is a bad person, it means I'm dealing with shit that's deep. It means I lack trust in others which isn't a quality I'm proud of, but is something I'm trying to combat. It's a byproduct of self preservation. Would things be easier on me, us and others if I wasn't this way? Yes. P I agree with you 100%, I'm very similar. I think that many people, if they were 100% honest, would recognise this as true about themselves too, the key point and the hardest part, I think, is to then do something about it. To attempt to unlearn or own our faults and not let them cause further damage. Absolutely. There's a difference between acknowledging our flaws or things we may prefer were different but then saying "well I went through this and that's that", to "I had some shit go down that pickled my head a bit. I ain't necessarily proud of the scars it's left but I'm working on them. Don't know how long it's gonna take to get to where I want to be, but hey, we're all works in progress right?" I know there are things that will take extra time, extra work but I'm trying. Every time I take a step in the right direction some muppet seems to prove I was right in the first place to feel a sense of unrest. P Just one muppet? What about all the many many other people you come into contact with who don't prove the unrest? The nice ones who prove you're on the right track? The problem is it's normally the ones I want to trust but am unsure of that prove my unrest right. There are some I trust without question, like in my tummy I know they're good souls. I can forgive things in them I wouldn't in others because they've been honest and I respect honesty even if it stings a bit (sometimes a lot) P" Ok sorry, I thought you meant it was a negative. It's a positive, your gut is proved right. x | |||
" Ok sorry, I thought you meant it was a negative. It's a positive, your gut is proved right. x"It was a negative of sorts though, as there are far more people I feel unrest about than I do the opposite. I think that some of the unrest merely comes down to "they're only interested in what they can gain from a situation rather than the situation as a whole and any impact it could have". I think that's partly why I like clubs. All I have to deal with is the situation in front of me. I don't have the opportunity to think too much, just a gut feeling to go on. I admit I don't like the big rooms with multiple people coz I can't relax, as there are too many people to keep tabs on. I love parties tho, they're my favourite. They're just more relaxed even though they can be wild. P | |||
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"I'm honest with myself yes. I probably overthink and overanalyse why I do certain things and not others. I quite enjoy analysing my thought and behavioural patterns and finding the links and why they are the way there are. Whether I share that with others is a different matter entirely. I don't think it's necessary to share it with others, it will affect others though Of course it *could* affect others. Everything could. Not everything needs to be shared or discussed, especially when the other isn't willing to truly listen." No, not everything needs to be shared or discussed, that's the point of the thread. Do people look for their own answers within themselves, not to share with others but to better inform themselves, that *will* then affect other people. As for active listening, it is a skill. Actually paying attention to people and listening to what they're saying, not what you think they are and not waiting for a pause to interject or a way to prove them wrong and yourself right. It's not always easy in itself. | |||
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"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea" Great question OP! I think I am very honest with myself about my fab life and how I interact. I think it's a product of being in a stable relationship and having frequent discussions about our swinging life. There is no room for deception or ulterior motives for us and in fact I think it would be counter-productive - we have been brought closer than ever as a couple through this adventure but if one of us wasn't being honest, either with themselves or the other person, then that would jeopardise our relationship. Our number one rule - if it's not fun for both of us, we don't do it. I do have to watch myself as I do like to flirt - always have - and it's great fun matching wits with people on here, and being able to be totally open about sex, which I am not in the rest of my life (except with Mr, obvs). When I find myself doing that rather than spending time with Mr, though, I give myself a shake! It can be addictive. Mrs TMN x | |||
"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea" No I'm probably not. I know my motivation for most things but not all. I'd have to be some sort of Dalai llama figure to be 100% honest about my motivation and I haven't done that amount of navel gazing | |||
"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea No I'm probably not. I know my motivation for most things but not all. I'd have to be some sort of Dalai llama figure to be 100% honest about my motivation and I haven't done that amount of navel gazing" It's on ongoing process though isn't it so I don't ever think you'd get to the absolute core no matter how much navel gazing you did. Who I was last year isn't who I am today kinda thing. P | |||
"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea No I'm probably not. I know my motivation for most things but not all. I'd have to be some sort of Dalai llama figure to be 100% honest about my motivation and I haven't done that amount of navel gazing It's on ongoing process though isn't it so I don't ever think you'd get to the absolute core no matter how much navel gazing you did. Who I was last year isn't who I am today kinda thing. P" I agree. I think you need to be self aware and realistic. | |||
"Not with others but with yourself... This isn't about the lies that you tell yourself but with the true drive of your motives, the reasons behind your preferences and why you flirt, maybe lie/cheat, message the same people over again or insult people. Obviously those examples aren't relevant to everyone but are you scrupulously honest about your motives? Tea" I don't overthink sex in all its wonderful forms. I like what I like, I know why I like it...it isn't anyone else's business why I like it. When it comes to hookup sites like this we're all just looking for the peeps that like our kinks too. I avoid the drama & drop the dickheads from my inbox. Consensual sex with someone you're attracted to for pleasure... nothing more to it than that for me personally. | |||
