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Have you ever
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Not met someone because of who is on their verification list...
I don't want any names.. But does it bother you.. If you see a name and you think urgh?? Or because we are on "swingers" site should that not bother us??
Or what does put you off??
Asking for a friend
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People told me they wouldn’t meet me because of specific veris. I was unfriended too after publishing new ones.
I guess it’s their choice.
My veris are hidden now so problem sorted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes... that’s why I love all the bareback threads, observe and take note 
I see a lot of the threads as great filters
What about people though? Does that put you off? "
Yes x |
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care "
I'm with you on that xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care "
Exactly. Who cares what people think. It’s up to the individual. I’ve always said I don’t judge but if I’m involved I bloody well do. That’s not going to change. |
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"Yeah all the time.
What puts you off? Is it numbers or specific people? X"
I'm in Ireland and it's a small pond, so if someone does something like barebacks, then it can put me not just off them, but everyone who meets them even if they play safe.
Numbers are not a problem, but they do increase the chances of you meeting someone I know to bareback or be a mean person etc.
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care
Exactly. Who cares what people think. It’s up to the individual. I’ve always said I don’t judge but if I’m involved I bloody well do. That’s not going to change. "
I agree you have to do what's right for yourself!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Numbers don't overtly bother me... Because it could be socials but certain people do and its really disappointing when you realise they are there.... Or probably will be there   "
Oh I didn’t mean socials. Most of mine are socials. That’s different x |
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"Numbers don't overtly bother me... Because it could be socials but certain people do and its really disappointing when you realise they are there.... Or probably will be there
Oh I didn’t mean socials. Most of mine are socials. That’s different x"
I agree xx |
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care "
.
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case... |
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case... "
I know its a "swinging" site, so that makes me feel like I shouldn't feel that way.. but I can't help it...and I totally agree with you DC... But to be gender friendly its the same for women too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case...
I know its a "swinging" site, so that makes me feel like I shouldn't feel that way.. but I can't help it...and I totally agree with you DC... But to be gender friendly its the same for women too "
To be honest though a lot aren’t actually swingers. It’s whatever you want it to be. No rules to say you have to be a certain thing x |
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case...
I know its a "swinging" site, so that makes me feel like I shouldn't feel that way.. but I can't help it...and I totally agree with you DC... But to be gender friendly its the same for women too
To be honest though a lot aren’t actually swingers. It’s whatever you want it to be. No rules to say you have to be a certain thing x"
I'm not a swinger we know that.. But it is a swinging site.. Blah blah blah |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes we’ve decided not to pursue a meet due to who has verified them but only over one reason that the verification was from a bareback couple.
Otherwise it doesn’t bother us who they’ve met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not met someone because of who is on their verification list...
I don't want any names.. But does it bother you.. If you see a name and you think urgh?? Or because we are on "swingers" site should that not bother us??
Or what does put you off??
Asking for a friend
"
most definitely I might not be everyone's cup of tea but still have standards I always do a veri trail |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case... "
Yep this, there are a few guys I would have met given the opportunity but not a change in hell now.
I'm more attracted to guys with standards, guys who dont take the easy options. If I was meeting with the intent of a sexual relationship I would ask to see verfications that equal numbers on there profile now. If that can't happen then I wouldn't meet them simple really. But I'm sure I'm no lose to anyone anyhow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case... "
It’s quite a ridiculous case. Why and how woulda guy know you have a problem with somebody else?
Is there a list we should consult before deciding to meet someone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case...
It’s quite a ridiculous case. Why and how woulda guy know you have a problem with somebody else?
Is there a list we should consult before deciding to meet someone? "
We politely inform the hosts, explain who and why.
We NEVER expect the host to remove them from the list. That is extremely unfair...however...we have been excluded and removed by hosts, often with the explanation of who it was and why. Their choice. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"It’s quite a ridiculous case. Why and how woulda guy know you have a problem with somebody else?
Is there a list we should consult before deciding to meet someone? "
No, people should keep using fab and meeting those they want to without feeling like they need to alter their behaviour in order to present a "better" facade. If someone doesn't want to meet you because of who you've met? Fantastic. It shows you're not that compatible and saves you the ballache of grief later. |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
What I have found looking through fab in the past is those guys who are meeting the people that I might have issue with are the kind of people I wouldn’t have met and don’t really have anything in common with in the first instance. It’s how come they’re meeting people I consider very different and wouldn’t want to be associated with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not met someone because of who is on their verification list...
I don't want any names.. But does it bother you.. If you see a name and you think urgh?? Or because we are on "swingers" site should that not bother us??
Or what does put you off??
Asking for a friend
"
Yea |
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Looking at verifications is part of the process. My self and my partner have in the past be put of by verifications as singles and as a couple. The main reason being the verifications expose at the best inconsistencies and worst out right lies between what they and their profile says and what their verifications say. Often it inconsistencies in terms of sexual safety. For example someone may say clearly safe sex only but have verifications from say bare back gangbangs. It's not about being judgemental, it's an issue of trust and safety. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. People I'm aware that cause drama/are disrespectful/known liars.
If someone has met them and thinks the sun shines out of their arse and is too blind to see through the facade then unfortunately they aren't the people for me. It might sound shit but I do lose respect for them if they can't feel the vibe of an ugly soul, or they don't care that someone has an ugly soul as long as they're getting their dick wet. Nah, that ain't the stuff I can overlook.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It has done in the past (this is a new profile) and I got quite disappointed a couple of times but then it just stopped bothering me. I'm not looking for one off nsa anyway so the people have loads of verifications arent necessarily what I'm looking for. I would hate to think that someone wouldn't meet a certain bloke because I was their verification  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us. |
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"Yes lots of things put me off, and I can and have been put off when someone posts a verification from certain individuals. If that makes me a rubbish swinger, I don't really care .
Same here, a few nice guys have been blocked due to veri lists they now appear on. Nope, not never on mine, not a chance now....
So many guys think with their dick first and don’t seem to consider who that one veri may stop them meeting in the future because of it. I rest my case...
It’s quite a ridiculous case. Why and how woulda guy know you have a problem with somebody else?
Is there a list we should consult before deciding to meet someone? "
No, there isn’t a list. One would hope your common sense would do that for you.... ! |
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"It’s quite a ridiculous case. Why and how woulda guy know you have a problem with somebody else?
Is there a list we should consult before deciding to meet someone?
No, people should keep using fab and meeting those they want to without feeling like they need to alter their behaviour in order to present a "better" facade. If someone doesn't want to meet you because of who you've met? Fantastic. It shows you're not that compatible and saves you the ballache of grief later."
Exactly! I wouldn’t expect anyone to change their behaviour, it’s their choice entirely who they meet. For some it’s a trophy to get on a list! |
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us."
But the people who wont meet you because you met someone they dont like, wont actually judge you or blame you at all. More than likely they will be sad they cant meet you.
Its also usually not based on gossip but first hand experience with a user.
Its just some people make a list where you want nothing to do with them, not even be assosiated with them in any way, and this means not being friends with their friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I often get put off by some verifications.
Sometimes it's because I look at the others and think I can't compare or won't live up to them.
Sometimes it's because I like I know the women and feel worried about stepping on toes.
Only occasionally is it because I don't like who they have met. And it could be for a few reasons. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I can't honestly think of anyone that if they appeared on someone's veris it would put me off meeting but I *can* relate to the thought that if there were it would make me think twice about how well matched we were.
I would however be put off by some of the things already mentioned e.g. bareback or if someone displayed (or left) numerous overly graphic veris.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us."
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea"
I absolutely agree to a point - but also think there is an element of if you completely dislike someone personally, but that someone you are talking to can't see what is dislikeable about them, to the point they have met them *and* got naked with them, that you question how well matched you might be.
Yes that is different from conventional meeting methods, but if conventional meeting methods came with some kind of veri system, I think you'd find similar behaviour.
Ultimately though, we all decide who we want to meet based on any number of criteria, and past behaviour and meets can be one of those for some. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea"
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
I absolutely agree to a point - but also think there is an element of if you completely dislike someone personally, but that someone you are talking to can't see what is dislikeable about them, to the point they have met them *and* got naked with them, that you question how well matched you might be.
Yes that is different from conventional meeting methods, but if conventional meeting methods came with some kind of veri system, I think you'd find similar behaviour.
Ultimately though, we all decide who we want to meet based on any number of criteria, and past behaviour and meets can be one of those for some."
This ^^^^^... I think ultimately we all make our own decisions and must do what is right for us... I have to say that if someone has met another person who for me I personally don't like.. Whether it's how they come across etc etc I agree that it's not for me to judge the person I wanted to meet. But we are human and it is hard not have those feelings especially if they are icky ones hahaha xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
I absolutely agree to a point - but also think there is an element of if you completely dislike someone personally, but that someone you are talking to can't see what is dislikeable about them, to the point they have met them *and* got naked with them, that you question how well matched you might be.
Yes that is different from conventional meeting methods, but if conventional meeting methods came with some kind of veri system, I think you'd find similar behaviour.
Ultimately though, we all decide who we want to meet based on any number of criteria, and past behaviour and meets can be one of those for some."
I think all that that proves is how wonderfully diverse people are.
I don't have the same sense of humour or values as other folks and I don't expect everyone to share mine, all that matters is that we connect with the person that were planning on meeting.
It seems a little strange that people are expecting those that they meet to feel exactly the same as they do about others. I don't enjoy the company of everyone that I work with but I don't judge those that do. I think there would be a hell of a lot less bitching and gossip if people focused on who they *do* like and the connections that they have, rather than the degrees of separation between them and those they don't like.
This is exactly why I hid my verifications on my solo profile and why we won't bother with them on our couples.
Tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a palaver! This is why I hide my verifications. Who I meet and what I do is between my partners and me. All this degrees of separation and I won’t meet him because he met her stuff is enough to put me off bothering at all. Why is it so hard to focus on finding people we like and meeting them rather than turning it into a Soap opera based on who did what to whom? |
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"What a palaver! This is why I hide my verifications. Who I meet and what I do is between my partners and me. All this degrees of separation and I won’t meet him because he met her stuff is enough to put me off bothering at all. Why is it so hard to focus on finding people we like and meeting them rather than turning it into a Soap opera based on who did what to whom?"
Hahaha that's a fair point too. It is interesting knowing everyone's perspective xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a palaver! This is why I hide my verifications. Who I meet and what I do is between my partners and me. All this degrees of separation and I won’t meet him because he met her stuff is enough to put me off bothering at all. Why is it so hard to focus on finding people we like and meeting them rather than turning it into a Soap opera based on who did what to whom?"
To each their own my lovely doc. No soap opera here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a palaver! This is why I hide my verifications. Who I meet and what I do is between my partners and me. All this degrees of separation and I won’t meet him because he met her stuff is enough to put me off bothering at all. Why is it so hard to focus on finding people we like and meeting them rather than turning it into a Soap opera based on who did what to whom?
To each their own my lovely doc. No soap opera here. "
Indeed human behaviour both fascinates and bemuses me. Ho hum |
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I show the veris I wish to, a mix of social and other.
I choose whether I will show veris and which ones, gives individuals a sense of my character. Some are private between me and that individual and no way a slight on them if I don’t show it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a palaver! This is why I hide my verifications. Who I meet and what I do is between my partners and me. All this degrees of separation and I won’t meet him because he met her stuff is enough to put me off bothering at all. Why is it so hard to focus on finding people we like and meeting them rather than turning it into a Soap opera based on who did what to whom?
To each their own my lovely doc. No soap opera here.
Indeed human behaviour both fascinates and bemuses me. Ho hum "
Oh yes definitely. Me too! |
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"I show the veris I wish to, a mix of social and other.
I choose whether I will show veris and which ones, gives individuals a sense of my character. Some are private between me and that individual and no way a slight on them if I don’t show it "
I agree with you. I don't show my verifications.. I have nothing to hide but I think if your willing to take the time then you'll find out what I'm like. X |
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea"
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a palaver! This is why I hide my verifications. Who I meet and what I do is between my partners and me. All this degrees of separation and I won’t meet him because he met her stuff is enough to put me off bothering at all. Why is it so hard to focus on finding people we like and meeting them rather than turning it into a Soap opera based on who did what to whom?"
Exactly this!
If everyone just focused on who they like and the present moment, there would be far less worry and drama.
Tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental?"
I think that we both know that that situation isn't what this thread is about.
Risk management is a fair and required process, it covers finding out from your current/intended partner when they were last screened and playing safe within your own definition of the terms between the two of you.
At no point does any of that require passing judgement on who they've met in the past.
Tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental?"
Exactly this. What does it matter. I do what i do and I’ll judge how I want. My body my life my choice. Why are people so concerned anyway! Just do what you want. I’ve been called a snob, picky, judgemental, told I shouldn’t be here. Wish I had the time to worry about how everyone else runs their life to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental?"
I'm also struggling to see how you leapt to your assumption in your second paragraph? I think you're taking your example to the extreme in an effort to prove/justify your stance.
Tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental?
Exactly this. What does it matter. I do what i do and I’ll judge how I want. My body my life my choice. Why are people so concerned anyway! Just do what you want. I’ve been called a snob, picky, judgemental, told I shouldn’t be here. Wish I had the time to worry about how everyone else runs their life to be honest. "
The irony is that your post here isn't a million miles away from my stance; it's this worrying about how everyone else runs their lives that brings this about. If everyone just worried about themselves, their body, their lives, their choice and recognised that everyone else has this autonomy, this wouldn't even be a discussion. |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
I absolutely agree to a point - but also think there is an element of if you completely dislike someone personally, but that someone you are talking to can't see what is dislikeable about them, to the point they have met them *and* got naked with them, that you question how well matched you might be.
Yes that is different from conventional meeting methods, but if conventional meeting methods came with some kind of veri system, I think you'd find similar behaviour.
Ultimately though, we all decide who we want to meet based on any number of criteria, and past behaviour and meets can be one of those for some."
|
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"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental?
Exactly this. What does it matter. I do what i do and I’ll judge how I want. My body my life my choice. Why are people so concerned anyway! Just do what you want. I’ve been called a snob, picky, judgemental, told I shouldn’t be here. Wish I had the time to worry about how everyone else runs their life to be honest.
The irony is that your post here isn't a million miles away from my stance; it's this worrying about how everyone else runs their lives that brings this about. If everyone just worried about themselves, their body, their lives, their choice and recognised that everyone else has this autonomy, this wouldn't even be a discussion. "
This wasn't meant to be a big heavy discussion Tea.. As the first part said I had a smiley face emoji.. But for some reason people get so heated with it. You have your opinion which on the whole I agree with.. But being honest I have been put off by a verification whether that's who or what was said. I don't think that makes me shallow or a horrible person xx |
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I have been known to avoid folk in the past because of who they have met....and what others have said about them
But then you realise that those opinions are purely that, the opinions of other people.
One should not judge before getting to know that person, because how do YOU know that what you are told is a true portrayal of someone you haven't met? Many are good at painting a marvellous picture of who they want to be, but very few know the true person.
|
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"I have been known to avoid folk in the past because of who they have met....and what others have said about them
But then you realise that those opinions are purely that, the opinions of other people.
One should not judge before getting to know that person, because how do YOU know that what you are told is a true portrayal of someone you haven't met? Many are good at painting a marvellous picture of who they want to be, but very few know the true person.
"
Absolutely. We should all take time to get to know the person. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh dear! I'm really glad I never know the gossip or drama. I/we just meet who we want and if other people have an issue with that and won't meet us, that's on them not me/us.
Exactly this.
Does everyone know a person's sexual history before they meet them in real life? Of course not! The only difference on fab is the verification system.
Personally I think it's ridiculous to judge others by who they've met. Whether it's the 'self abuse' of "that person looks completely different to me, so why would they be attracted to me?" all the way through to "I don't like that person so I'm not going to meet anyone they've met".
We all find different things about people attractive, they're is no unifying moral code and passing judgement on others based our own is rather short sighted.
Tea
So you would be happy to meet someone who openly meets someone with HIV who barebacks?
You couldn't care at all about the risks they expose themselves to, you just want sex for you and everything else does not matter?
And you would go further, to suggest that the people who do care about risks they expose themselves to are short sighted and judgemental?
Exactly this. What does it matter. I do what i do and I’ll judge how I want. My body my life my choice. Why are people so concerned anyway! Just do what you want. I’ve been called a snob, picky, judgemental, told I shouldn’t be here. Wish I had the time to worry about how everyone else runs their life to be honest.
The irony is that your post here isn't a million miles away from my stance; it's this worrying about how everyone else runs their lives that brings this about. If everyone just worried about themselves, their body, their lives, their choice and recognised that everyone else has this autonomy, this wouldn't even be a discussion.
This wasn't meant to be a big heavy discussion Tea.. As the first part said I had a smiley face emoji.. But for some reason people get so heated with it. You have your opinion which on the whole I agree with.. But being honest I have been put off by a verification whether that's who or what was said. I don't think that makes me shallow or a horrible person xx"
I appreciate that your OP was intended as a lighthearted one and I probably went a *little* hard into it.
I'm not denying a person's autonomy in their choice and what they do with their body. I've also seen it from the other side where a person is gossiped about and people won't meet them because they're suddenly persona non grata, usually for arbitrary reasons or because they trod on the wrong person's toes.
I just think that if everyone judged others by their interactions and not by their veris, things would be a lot nicer.
My apologies for getting a touch heated. |
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Very difficult to say yes or not as the decision is made on many other things - as was highlighted by some (bareback, HIV status etc). And I do find arguments by both sides bear valid points.
However I am a bit baffled by some statements concerning standards. How would you come to a conclusion that someone is lowering their standard by meeting someone you don't fancy?
You must be thinking very highly of yourselves to think that others are of lower standard than you are. Some of those meeting us might be lowering their standard for all we know.
I look at verifications just to confirm the person is genuine and the person who verify them are genuine too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The question was simply have you been put off... That was all. It wasn't meant for a moral discussion on the ethics of that... But threads have a tendancy to just go one way or another.
Yes. "
Yes |
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"I'm also struggling to see how you leapt to your assumption in your second paragraph? I think you're taking your example to the extreme in an effort to prove/justify your stance.
Tea"
Hardly extreme if it happens, there are HIV people on here on prep, they bareback, and its safe for them to do so in regards to not spreading hiv.
My point was, if I just pick examples, I will eventually find something you would walk away from. You're a liberal, and liberals are for personal freedom, except if that freedom means you own a gun, or excpetf if that freedom means migrant shelter in their back yard.
If i hit close enough to home, there are scenarios you would walk away from.
Would you meet people who met a clinically depressed woman and beat her badly during sex at her own request while she was off her meds?
What does it matter if someone else draws that line at something more mundane. Its their body, its their right to say no to people for whatever reason they want. Just like its yours to not judge and have sex with everyone no matter what they get up to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always wonder what are acceptable reasons for not wanting to fuck someone.
We're not allowed to refuse someone based on race, gender, age, who they fucked before, if they are a wife beater, height..... |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I always wonder what are acceptable reasons for not wanting to fuck someone.
We're not allowed to refuse someone based on race, gender, age, who they fucked before, if they are a wife beater, height..... "
The *only* acceptable reasons are those that we each choose for ourselves as individuals including any of those you listed |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental. |
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"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental. "
They can hide the verification and only display the summary. |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental.
They can hide the verification and only display the summary."
I get that, I mean for everyone. Take away text based verifications for all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have been known to avoid folk in the past because of who they have met....and what others have said about them
But then you realise that those opinions are purely that, the opinions of other people.
One should not judge before getting to know that person, because how do YOU know that what you are told is a true portrayal of someone you haven't met? Many are good at painting a marvellous picture of who they want to be, but very few know the true person.
"
I was told by a female from the forums you were a total bitch to be very wary of. I mean, they weren't wrong but you're my kinda bitch 
One of the good hearted ones.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental.
They can hide the verification and only display the summary.
I get that, I mean for everyone. Take away text based verifications for all. "
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental.
They can hide the verification and only display the summary.
I get that, I mean for everyone. Take away text based verifications for all. "
I would like a more detailed feed back system something like eBay, where you can score points for different criteria and get an overall performance average. Then fab could award prizes for top performers and you could avoid the sub par shaggers. |
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"I have been known to avoid folk in the past because of who they have met....and what others have said about them
But then you realise that those opinions are purely that, the opinions of other people.
One should not judge before getting to know that person, because how do YOU know that what you are told is a true portrayal of someone you haven't met? Many are good at painting a marvellous picture of who they want to be, but very few know the true person.
I was told by a female from the forums you were a total bitch to be very wary of. I mean, they weren't wrong but you're my kinda bitch
One of the good hearted ones.
P"
 well I am sure some would agree with her, probably one of those liar types everyone fawns over.
You are my kinda bitch too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental.
They can hide the verification and only display the summary."
That would probably put me off even more. |
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Who they meet is there choice, Im looking to see if they are verified genuine nothing more.
Like my veris are the same.
Ive lost a few veries myself due to people leaving site or closing down there accounts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental.
They can hide the verification and only display the summary.
That would probably put me off even more. "
Yes but if you only had a green tick it would be very difficult to know it was a genuine veri. |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
Yes I’ve been put off meeting or even getting too friendly with some guys who’ve got veris from certain people on here.
If you’re nasty about people I like or if you cause drama about every guy you meet, I’m steering clear of people who you get jiggy with or who are your admirers.
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"It might be better if the site didn’t even have text based verifications. Although some are amusing, most are variations on a theme. If we only had the green tick to say they were verified by meeting in person (and maybe a separate icon for those by cam) then it would be a lot less judgmental.
They can hide the verification and only display the summary.
That would probably put me off even more. "
Stay away from forum folk that is the key to success. Life outside the 10% is very different. |
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