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Well that was daft!
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Oh there isn't the bandwidth to tell of all my dumb ass calamities. Probably the most embarrassing was strutting off a club bed, missing the step and twisting my ankle on the very ungracious topple down. Of course there was an audience  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Someone I used to work with was d*unk on a night out and walking home with her pals. Needed a wee and they went past public toilets which had been closed down, but you could get in through the window. Kids used to go there and do dodgy shit...
Anyway, she was d*unk and sat on a toilet to pee. Didn’t realise the toilet seat had been smashed....she needed surgery on her fanny |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ironically by wearing safety equipment, I was cutting wood using a bench circular saw and I thought wearing gloves would be responsible but apparently that's the worse thing you can do!! The gloves caught in the saw, drag my hand in and I nearly lost three fingers!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fell on a knife sticking up in the dishwasher that was used to carve lamb for Sunday dinner. I have a beautiful scar on my shin now and still after 21 years I get twinges where the knife went in"
Being a Doc I could look at that for you, if you like?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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God my memory is awful atm, I’m sure I’ll think of something better
I bought a new mascara and couldn’t get the plastic off of it to open it. So got a knife and tried to cut it off, slipped and it sliced my whole finger open. From nail to knuckle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Managed to deck it on perfectly fine flooring outside a pub in broad daylight, completely sober on a first date with a guy from work, fractured my arm (as I found out the next day) I hit the ground that hard that it turned my stomach and I immediately projectile vommited my date nervously laughed but then picked me up. However I just brushed it off, cleaned myself up and cracked on with the date, drank through the pain like a absolute trooper he thought I was fine but I was nursing a fractured arm all night. Didn't date him again (amazingly my choice) but saw him everyday at work *cringe* |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I tripped over a carpet thread entering my living room after going to the loo and broke my ankle 
I’ve also stood on a garden rake, got clobbered, staggered, fell onto my nan’s back door step and broke my arm.
Big feet see, get me into all sorts of bother  |
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"Fell on a knife sticking up in the dishwasher that was used to carve lamb for Sunday dinner. I have a beautiful scar on my shin now and still after 21 years I get twinges where the knife went in
Being a Doc I could look at that for you, if you like? "
Is it scientifically proven that a kiss better would help? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fell on a knife sticking up in the dishwasher that was used to carve lamb for Sunday dinner. I have a beautiful scar on my shin now and still after 21 years I get twinges where the knife went in
Being a Doc I could look at that for you, if you like?
Is it scientifically proven that a kiss better would help?"
You are right of course but a thorough examination and further "treatment" would probably be the best medicine. |
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"Fell on a knife sticking up in the dishwasher that was used to carve lamb for Sunday dinner. I have a beautiful scar on my shin now and still after 21 years I get twinges where the knife went in
Being a Doc I could look at that for you, if you like?
Is it scientifically proven that a kiss better would help?
You are right of course but a thorough examination and further "treatment" would probably be the best medicine. "
Bloody good job you’re around, what would we do without you?? |
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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago
Stoke-on-Trent |
At 13 I sliced my thumb open on a knife pointing upwards while stroppily loading the dishwasher. The night before I'd planned to buy a PSone.
At uni I trapped my big toe in a trampoline bed, only a sprain but it was agony when gravity became apparent after sleeping with it suspended. Saw an incredibly camp Dr the next day. He asked 'ooh, trampolining - is it simply pllleaasssurable?' Then when I left said 'have a wonderful life.'
Again at uni, pissed, jumping from one to the next of those little wooden posts in flip flops, one was angled and slimy, knackered my foot. Powered through. Cheap wine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fell on a knife sticking up in the dishwasher that was used to carve lamb for Sunday dinner. I have a beautiful scar on my shin now and still after 21 years I get twinges where the knife went in
Being a Doc I could look at that for you, if you like?
Is it scientifically proven that a kiss better would help?
You are right of course but a thorough examination and further "treatment" would probably be the best medicine.
Bloody good job you’re around, what would we do without you??"
I do have a select private practice! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst d*unk I went for a pee behind a Bush, toppled over and fell head first onto the ground and cut my head open! Had 18 stiches and still have the scar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes when i’m in bed and i’m perving Fab i hold my phone up in the air to stretch out my arms, and i’ve accidentally dropped the phone on my face. Suprisingly painful."
Too much cider or perry me thinks!  |
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"Sometimes when i’m in bed and i’m perving Fab i hold my phone up in the air to stretch out my arms, and i’ve accidentally dropped the phone on my face. Suprisingly painful."
Why does it always fall so the corner of the phone hits you smack in the eye!! . Or is that just me?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes when i’m in bed and i’m perving Fab i hold my phone up in the air to stretch out my arms, and i’ve accidentally dropped the phone on my face. Suprisingly painful."
Iv done this many times.  |
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I fell off my bed and managed to cause one the most significant sports injuries ever lol. Dislocated my knee while fracturing the cap down the center along with pulling all the muscles and tendons surrounding it 
Got a beautiful scar for the pleasure lol
S xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was selling a band saw on eBay the day the guy came round went to show him it working went to turn it on and it never started. Like an idiot I opened it up and all of a sudden it started. My index finger was opened up like a banana and I Felt very queasy
My loving wife asked the guy if he was still buying it as I rushed to clean my finger up. The guy bought the saw and I went to A&E lol |
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By *sgigglersCouple
over a year ago
Stoke on Trent |
A very heavy peacock ornament once broke my nose & gave me two black eyes. It was above our headboard & launched itself at me during a particularly energetic bed session.
The bed looked like a murder had taken place! D had to run round to our friendly nurse that lived next door in his dressing gown, covered in blood. She came round in her dressing gown and also left covered in blood. To this day I wonder what the neighbours made of it! |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
Wasn't looking where I was going and stepped off a teeny tiny step in a swingers club and broke my foot, I hobbled round all night on it then finally caved and went to the hospital. I didn't fall or anything, just stepped on it and it broke, the doctor said it must have been at a funny angle (my foot, not the step).
I still went out with my foot in the boot too, admittedly that was a few weeks later when I ditched the crutches. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A mate was hit by a randomer on a night out years ago, he was probably mouthing to be fair. As he was trying to convince our crowd to go after the guy who had run off, and as I was trying to convince them otherwise as I didn't want the 10 of us jumping one guy, the guy had run up a one way street and came back down swinging a rake. As I felt I was the soberest and as the guy kept coming I felt I was the right person to calm the situation. The guy wouldn't listen to sense and walked towards me swinging this big rake. I thought I would wait till he's swung the thing and as it goes back the way before the next swing I would step in and take it off the guy and send him on his way. I stepped in at the wrong time, because I was d*unk like the rest of the group, and the rake punctured the side of my head and the left side of my chest and hung from me until the ambulance arrived. That was probably my most stupid self caused injury. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There’s so many.....
Shouted hello to someone across the road while walking, turned back round to face plant a lamppost. Claret everywhere.
Thought I could fix something with a penknife (long time ago), just as I was in full stabbing mode, the penknife closed and nearly cut my finger off.
Stepping off the last rung of a ladder, getting it completely wrong and somehow snapping my ankle ligament.
But probably the most dumbass, was having a digit ripped off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Earlier this year out walking and git distracted by a very cute bulldog puppy. Failed to notice the massive hole in front of me until I put my foot in it and ended up on the floor. To this day I don't know how I ended up with just a chipped bone and not a badly broken ankle.
On a plus point the puppy was so excited to see an idiot human lying on the floor all it wanted to do was play with me! |
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When I was working a saturday job in an independent auto spares shop I seriously injured my right hand. It was busy and I needed to get wiper blades from storage that was on the very top of the shelving. The shelving is the kind that is made up of angle iron that is bolted together to form shelves. So I hurriedly climbed the ladder but forgot to put the ever so important cross bar in place. At the top of the ladder the bottom slid out from beneath me and I grabbed on to the shelves. I ended up taking an inch long strip of skin from my ring finger, lacerations to to the tendons on my middle finger and superficial lacerations to my other digits. |
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"There’s so many.....
Shouted hello to someone across the road while walking, turned back round to face plant a lamppost. Claret everywhere.
Thought I could fix something with a penknife (long time ago), just as I was in full stabbing mode, the penknife closed and nearly cut my finger off.
Stepping off the last rung of a ladder, getting it completely wrong and somehow snapping my ankle ligament.
But probably the most dumbass, was having a digit ripped off "
You sound as clumsy as me lol. Which digit did you lose tho???
S x |
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My life is a catologue of ridiculous disasters & WTF moments
Last year, stood on a friends balcony watching the Pride carnival.
I spotted someone I know on a float, jumped up to wave to him, totaly forgot I was 2 floors up & ran to hug him... Luckily I had a soft landing into a large rubbish bin put out for the day.
My ego was very bruised though
Running through my mums patio doors, the first time I busted her new bungalow was probably the most expensive!
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
I've had time to think and these are some of mine.
Someone slammed a car door with my finger in it, I didn't even notice until I tried to walk away and couldn't, dunno how it wasn't severed to be honest, I've got a lovely scar all the way round the top of my finger though.
I once fell into a thorn bush and my mum had to pull a thorn out that was stuck in my bum cheek.
I was d*unk and tried to break up a group of lads fighting, they knocked me over and I fell onto a rock wall, fracturing my coccyx (that was probably the most painful one).
When I was younger (about 12) I baked my mum a birthday cake, she worked nights so she was in bed. I got the cake out of the oven and held it underneath, the outer bit of the cake tin slid down my arm and burnt my forearm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1992: Running down a hill, during a paintball free-for-all - slipped on mud and slammed into a barrier.
Broke 3 ribs, collarbone, punctured lung, ripped my intercostals... and it still hurts to lie on my front, 27 years later. |
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"Someone I used to work with was d*unk on a night out and walking home with her pals. Needed a wee and they went past public toilets which had been closed down, but you could get in through the window. Kids used to go there and do dodgy shit...
Anyway, she was d*unk and sat on a toilet to pee. Didn’t realise the toilet seat had been smashed....she needed surgery on her fanny"
You do have some interesting friends  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There’s so many.....
Shouted hello to someone across the road while walking, turned back round to face plant a lamppost. Claret everywhere.
Thought I could fix something with a penknife (long time ago), just as I was in full stabbing mode, the penknife closed and nearly cut my finger off.
Stepping off the last rung of a ladder, getting it completely wrong and somehow snapping my ankle ligament.
But probably the most dumbass, was having a digit ripped off
You sound as clumsy as me lol. Which digit did you lose tho???
S x "
Ring finger, right hand. Not my proudest moment. And yes, super clumsy |
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Lesson learned. 
x
but it's quicker for me to list the bones I haven't broken 
