FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Am I overthinking?
Am I overthinking?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As of late I feel like I’ve become overly conscious of how comparatively few people of color use this site, am I being hypersensitive or is that just the demographic? Which then leads to thinking does this play a role (positively and/or negatively) in who people chat and meet up with? Haven't been around too long so just curious on others opinions really. |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
I don’t know the answer to your question OP.
But it’s a good one, and I don’t think you’re overthinking.
I wouldn’t base your answer on the forums as active participation on the forums is probably on represent about 1% of the site users. So it won’t give a representative sample of the site as a whole. |
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Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in. |
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"As of late I feel like I’ve become overly conscious of how comparatively few people of color use this site, am I being hypersensitive or is that just the demographic? Which then leads to thinking does this play a role (positively and/or negatively) in who people chat and meet up with? Haven't been around too long so just curious on others opinions really. "
Sites like this and dating sites in general have comparatively few people of colour. Unless its actually geared towards people of colour we'll more than likely be a minority demographically.
This ultimately does impact on who you meet up / chat to.
All depends on what you're looking for.
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"Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in. "
I've blocked and refused to meet people for those reasons. |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
I just looked at the data for England and Wales where the white British population is 83.35%.
Mixed, Asian/Asian British or Black/Black British make up 10.48% of the population (or approximately 1 in ten people).
My impression is that the site doesn’t reflect society. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in. "
I guess then it’s just something I’ll just have to become a bit more thick skinned about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As of late I feel like I’ve become overly conscious of how comparatively few people of color use this site, am I being hypersensitive or is that just the demographic? Which then leads to thinking does this play a role (positively and/or negatively) in who people chat and meet up with? Haven't been around too long so just curious on others opinions really. "
I've certainly noticed less women of colour but the site membership remember is much more than the forums, where it's rare they contribute  |
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"Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in.
I guess then it’s just something I’ll just have to become a bit more thick skinned about."
Or do you think there's things we could do to encourage more POC to want to join the community? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in.
I guess then it’s just something I’ll just have to become a bit more thick skinned about.
Or do you think there's things we could do to encourage more POC to want to join the community?"
I don't know if there is in all honesty, if you look at female POC, as one example, there's a whole ingrained mentality surrounding casual sex and its ilk. Adjusting societal beliefs and pressures and stigmas take an awfully long time and a welcome party might not do it (not that you were implying that but I think the best equipped folk to bring about a change in opinion are those affected, eg POC).
And regarding the fetishization of my skin colour or my "otherness"? So horrid. Even more so when it taps into racial tropes about my sexuality, my arse etc... just  . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in.
I guess then it’s just something I’ll just have to become a bit more thick skinned about.
Or do you think there's things we could do to encourage more POC to want to join the community?"
I certainly can’t speak for anyone other than myself but I’ve just found it a bit shit when you see “No black/BBC” on profiles or meets and makes me wonder if more people feel that way and just don't say. So thats not the most inviting experience but I’ve definitely had worse  |
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People come here via a range of routes, including swinging venues. If those channels are not as appealing for segments of our population, it may be down to older bias that has persevered and is probably still around in spots. Otherwise where lifestyles may differ, what exists may not match. I think there's a. Lower involvement level bit there are a few factors in play. Income levels are still too low that are being paid to many minorities, which restricts spending power and opportunity, some groups may have varied cultural effects, including family size, gender roles etc.
Other niche services may also deliver some of the same interests that we're all seeking, thus reducing potential demands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's loads of non white ppl on here,just 99% are men who in mass majority of cases fetishize themselves as BBC/exotic.
Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunalty both kink and swinging do seem to have few POC. Of those that are here they are often fetishised for their race. More power to those who monopolize that for their own gain but it's not something I'm comfortable in partaking in.
I guess then it’s just something I’ll just have to become a bit more thick skinned about.
Or do you think there's things we could do to encourage more POC to want to join the community?
I certainly can’t speak for anyone other than myself but I’ve just found it a bit shit when you see “No black/BBC” on profiles or meets and makes me wonder if more people feel that way and just don't say. So thats not the most inviting experience but I’ve definitely had worse "
I see a lot more profiles which say BBC only than ones which say no BBC. Works both way, people are entitled to seek who they choose. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's loads of non white ppl on here,just 99% are men who in mass majority of cases fetishize themselves as BBC/exotic.
Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this."
Those were a ton of generalizations but I appreciate your opinions |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"There's loads of non white ppl on here,just 99% are men who in mass majority of cases fetishize themselves as BBC/exotic.
Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this."
Wow. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I see a lot more profiles which say BBC only than ones which say no BBC. Works both way, people are entitled to seek who they choose. "
To be honest its the same energy in my opinion, subtly or not so, implying we’re different in some way simply because of the color of our skin isn't really ideal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's loads of non white ppl on here,just 99% are men who in mass majority of cases fetishize themselves as BBC/exotic.
Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this.
Those were a ton of generalizations but I appreciate your opinions "
It isn't at all. Check out black guy profiles, count the number of bbcs.
Black girls, for whatever reason tend to be way less promiscuous than white girls in my experience ( two long term exs, one Nigerian,one Jamaican) who you couldn't have convinced to have sex with random strangers for all the money in the world. White gfs, fucking hell, couple of horny conversations and a suggestion if a good looking mate and their panties are off. Many generalisations are true despite their anecdotal nature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this.
This ^ is the sort of cultural belief that I was referring to. "
I believe being free sexually is a great thing for all adults, but definite cultural groups act differently in their sexual mores.x |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this.
This ^ is the sort of cultural belief that I was referring to.
I believe being free sexually is a great thing for all adults, but definite cultural groups act differently in their sexual mores.x"
Oh a kiss? How charming. 
I think that society perceives people to act differently sexually and women more often than not feel pressured to conform for fear of being seen as one of those less classy and sluttier white people, sure. Our confirmation biases are different, there might be validity in both our truths. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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According to ONS in 2016, over 54 million in the UK were white. Population in 2017 was around 66 million. Take out all those too old or young, not into swinging etc, and then the tiny number of serious members on fab that do meet.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this.
This ^ is the sort of cultural belief that I was referring to.
I believe being free sexually is a great thing for all adults, but definite cultural groups act differently in their sexual mores.x
Oh a kiss? How charming.
I think that society perceives people to act differently sexually and women more often than not feel pressured to conform for fear of being seen as one of those less classy and sluttier white people, sure. Our confirmation biases are different, there might be validity in both our truths."
A kiss obvs, your a woman,so a x will surely lead to tingles.
I think you are very spot on in your point. The same attitude was prevalent with my ex's regarding not getting utterly shit faced or dressing like your about to fuck on a night out. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this.
This ^ is the sort of cultural belief that I was referring to.
I believe being free sexually is a great thing for all adults, but definite cultural groups act differently in their sexual mores.x
Oh a kiss? How charming.
I think that society perceives people to act differently sexually and women more often than not feel pressured to conform for fear of being seen as one of those less classy and sluttier white people, sure. Our confirmation biases are different, there might be validity in both our truths.
A kiss obvs, your a woman,so a x will surely lead to tingles.
I think you are very spot on in your point. The same attitude was prevalent with my ex's regarding not getting utterly shit faced or dressing like your about to fuck on a night out."
Exactly. All I want in a post or message is a x from a man and then I get the good old lady tingles. Forget the content just pop a kiss on. Men nowadays rarely have such manners.
Ah the ladette culture? Yeah, that's not so prevalent with POC. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Female POC, esp black girls tend to be way classier and less slutty than white women,so won't be on sites like this.
This ^ is the sort of cultural belief that I was referring to.
I believe being free sexually is a great thing for all adults, but definite cultural groups act differently in their sexual mores.x
Oh a kiss? How charming.
I think that society perceives people to act differently sexually and women more often than not feel pressured to conform for fear of being seen as one of those less classy and sluttier white people, sure. Our confirmation biases are different, there might be validity in both our truths.
A kiss obvs, your a woman,so a x will surely lead to tingles.
I think you are very spot on in your point. The same attitude was prevalent with my ex's regarding not getting utterly shit faced or dressing like your about to fuck on a night out.
Exactly. All I want in a post or message is a x from a man and then I get the good old lady tingles. Forget the content just pop a kiss on. Men nowadays rarely have such manners.
Ah the ladette culture? Yeah, that's not so prevalent with POC."
I knew I was onto a winner with the X. I'm gonna start calling ppl Hun and watch my success skyrocket.
I think a national campaign is required, perhaps titled 'Oi, sexy black and Asian lasses, embrace your inner sex demon and start putting it about more in sex sites'. I know I'd enjoy overseeing the effort.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
It isn't at all. Check out black guy profiles, count the number of bbcs."
Im curious as to who you think coined the term BBC because I personally don't think it was black men. As for fetishizing ourselves, I think men are just buying into something that’s been established to have a good time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It isn't at all. Check out black guy profiles, count the number of bbcs.
Im curious as to who you think coined the term BBC because I personally don't think it was black men. As for fetishizing ourselves, I think men are just buying into something that’s been established to have a good time"
Oh absolutely. If I were black I'd describe myself this way, it's shorthand for what many white women want,and more power to those who use whatever terms increase their success.
No way a black person coined bbc, it's definitely the invention from the fevered mind of a tiny dicked husband obsessed by the idea of seeing his wife with a dominant black man.
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