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Fave dad joke

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Post your fave dad joke, here’s mine;

What kind of music is a balloon scared of??

Pop music. Boom boom

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

'Hired a bouncy castle again just like last year but the price was much higher this time.

Hey ho. That's inflation for you!

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By *opilotMan over a year ago

Heathrow

What do you call a bear with no teeth. A gummy bear

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By *an_buryMan over a year ago

Nottingham

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A ba-boom!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Crime in multi storey car parks is wrong on so many levels

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fun fact......

Did you know that Hillary Clinton has her initials engraved on all her taps in her house? ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not a fan of the new £1 coin, but then again I've never liked change

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

'burnt my Hawiain Pizza last night.- 'Should have put the oven on aloha setting

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"'burnt my Hawiain Pizza last night.- 'Should have put the oven on aloha setting"

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By *olacolaMan over a year ago

lincoln

What do you call a judge with no thumbs

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

Nobody laughs at this but...

What bee is good for you?

Vitamin B(ee)

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By *pitfiremk10Man over a year ago

Gloucester

Why did Edward Woodward have so many (d,s) in his name? Because if he didnt he would be called EWAR WOOWAR

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

What's the name of the dinosaur which had only one eye, a squint and nervous blink?

Dyathinkesaurus.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call an unwashed fairy?

Stinkerbell

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Standing in line at the school canteen... I'll have pissoles chips and peas please....

That's an R

..ok .. I'll have arseoles chips and peas please

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stealing this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why don't penguins live in England?.... Because they're scared of Wales

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I recently sold my vacuum.... Well... It was only gathering dust

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Why don't lions eat penguins.. they can't undo the wrappers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two fish in a tank, one asks "how do you drive this?"

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman over a year ago

London

What was Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEYE....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Before he died we covered my grandfathers back in lard.

After that he went downhill quite quickly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When I got married I promised my wife the good life.

Imagine her dissapointment when the dvd arrived

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My wife asked me to go commando.

So I shot her.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mummy why do you keep bouncing on Daddies belly

To keep his belly flat sweetie

Its not working mummy as the baby-sitter keeps blowing it back up

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By *rtraymondo76Man over a year ago

Cheltenham

What would you call a blind Highland Stag?

No eye deer! Boom Boom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A man was rushed to hospital with 6 plastic horse stuck up his bum. Drs describe his condition as stable.

A man was found dead outside Pizza Hut covered with ham, cheese and tomato sauce. Police are saying he topped himself.

Most people are shocked when they find out I’m a bad electrician

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's brown and hard?

Tough shit!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why did Edward Woodward have so many (d,s) in his name? Because if he didnt he would be called EWAR WOOWAR"

I'm gutted someone beat me to this one.

What's the worst thing about bird flu?

It's untweetable

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By *riple SCouple over a year ago

Midlands

"What's brown and hard?

Tough shit! "

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

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By *oxtonMan over a year ago

Some where in West Yorkshire

Q)Why did the Zebra cross the road?

A)Because it was a zebra crossing lol

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By *riple SCouple over a year ago

Midlands

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house...

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

The chicken

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the most common type of Owl in the UK?

The Teat-owl

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By *ildbillkidMan over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants. What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming wearing sunglasses? Nothing he didn't recognize them

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By *axo25Man over a year ago

lightwater

Why do you never see elephants playing hide n seek in the trees?

Cause they’re so good at it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two chimp in a bath one says "oooh oooh eeee ahh"!

The other says "put some cold in then"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A man walks into a bar,, he says "ouch"

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By *erdycouplCouple over a year ago

Worcester

This threads amazing lol

What did the elephant say to the naked man... How do you breathe through that thing lol

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By *uttyjonnMan over a year ago

SEA

Bill and Ben in a bar

Bill says - flobalob ba lobalob

Ben says - go home your pissed

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By *erdycouplCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"Bill and Ben in a bar

Bill says - flobalob ba lobalob

Ben says - go home your pissed"
haha I heard a similar one Ben says if you really loved me you would swallow that lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went to the local shop for some oxo's but they were out of stock

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

"Bill and Ben in a bar

Bill says - flobalob ba lobalob

Ben says - go home your pissed haha I heard a similar one Ben says if you really loved me you would swallow that lol"

which reminds me of...

Two monkeys getting into a bath. The first monkey says " ooohhh ooohh aaaggh ahha" The second monkey says "Well pour some more cold water in then!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a fish with three eyes:

a fiiish

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe........ Roberto

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

"Two fish in a tank, one asks "how do you drive this?" "

2 parrots on a perch

One asks "can you smell fish?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What goes now you see it now you don't?

A nun on a zebra crossing.

What's black and white and red all over?

Not a newspaper, it's the nun in a blender.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Always go the extra mile.. be a taxi driver

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

so I went into her bedroom pulled down my zip and said "do you want to look at Robbie Jackson's dog'!.

she said "why do you call it that".

I said because it's well hard

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one for drinking battery acid and the other for eating fireworks. They charged the first but let the other one off.

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By *lan157Man over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 25/07/19 21:24:38]

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By *lan157Man over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

Get me a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy.

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By *ornyblue69Man over a year ago

Wirral

What do you call a hippys wife?

Mississippi

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By *xhib12Man over a year ago

Blyth

"What would you call a blind Highland Stag?

No eye deer! Boom Boom"

What do you call a dead lind highland stag?

Still no eye deer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a group of paedophile priests? answer: preists.

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By *xhib12Man over a year ago

Blyth

Why did Lada cars have heated back windows?

To keep your hands warm when pushing it.

How do you double the value of a Lada?

Fill it up.

What do you call a Lada with twin exhausts?

A wheelbarrow.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven't spoken to my wife for 20 years..

I don't like to interrupt

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By *easide funMan over a year ago

Yorkshire Coast

I farted in a lift once. It was wrong on so many levels.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can see myself cleaning mirrors

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What does a Hungarian man say before bed?

Goodnight, but he says it in Hungarian.

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

sheffield

Hi I’m Dave I’m single and straight and looking for a FB.

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

I’d like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my dad did. Not terrified and screaming, like his passengers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I waved at my neighbour and said "how do you like this heat"?

she waved back and said

"I'm not a fan" !

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By *xmfrvnMan over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

Two muffins in an oven. One turns to the other and says 'It's hot in here, isn't it?'

Other one screams 'Aaahh! A talking muffin!'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bought my wife a chair for Christmas,

but she wouldn't plug it in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had venison last night Instead of my usual pheasant.

Absolute game changer .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What have a forklift and a woman got in common?

If you don't have one you have to unload by hand ...

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

"I had venison last night Instead of my usual pheasant.

Absolute game changer ."

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three - his left ear, right ear and final front ear

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