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Peach Vs Daddy
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I witnessed my fair maiden take a swipe at the multi-legged behemoth and succeed in spearing herself up the hooter with one of her normally gorgeous to be on the receiving end of fingernails.
This is a mighty adversary. It's like it analyses your greatest strength then uses it against you?
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ivebflapped the curtains and poked some shit with my pirate hat.
As yet no visuals on target.
He's either lying low awaiting attack or he's fucked off out the window on the sly.
Cunt
P |
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"Hairspray will stop it in its tracks x
It can have the cheap shit
P"
Cheap shit works better. I have mental images of you in a war stance, can of hairspray held up, eyes scanning the room, daring the little fucker to come at you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hairspray will stop it in its tracks x
It can have the cheap shit
P
Cheap shit works better. I have mental images of you in a war stance, can of hairspray held up, eyes scanning the room, daring the little fucker to come at you x"
You got Peach cam? 
P |
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"Hairspray will stop it in its tracks x
It can have the cheap shit
P
Cheap shit works better. I have mental images of you in a war stance, can of hairspray held up, eyes scanning the room, daring the little fucker to come at you x
You got Peach cam?
P"
Actually laughing like a knob here x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I must admit defeat and go to sleep. I know I'm going to have dreams of fireballing, ninja, daddy longlegs x"
Still hiding the twat.
Not in my twat mind, I'd have felt it
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I witnessed my fair maiden take a swipe at the multi-legged behemoth and succeed in spearing herself up the hooter with one of her normally gorgeous to be on the receiving end of fingernails.
This is a mighty adversary. It's like it analyses your greatest strength then uses it against you?
B"
That's what you do.
My big heart turns to mush and goo all because of you. 
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Was it a good nights sleep?
Was it sexual assault by an arachnid?
Was it a triumphant 'Die you bastard'?
Has Dudley burnt to the ground overnight?
Only one gal can answer all those questions... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It seems my adversary was a worthy one, a sneaky one. He and the moth he recruited both slipped through the net.
I can only imagine that they're in a conference room now drawing up plans of attack and recruiting even more winged attackers.
I've checked my ears and they don't feel like they've been bummed so I think I got away with it at least for one night.
It's raining here now so you know what that means.... slugs.
Those bastards are pulling out all the stops
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The insects are uprising. Arm your weaponry with salt now for the blasted slugs x"
And all this time people were worried about skynet and artificial intelligence. Been looking for the enemy in the wrong place.
There better be a film made in my honour.
One woman.
An army of beasts.
A fight to the death.
P |
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"The insects are uprising. Arm your weaponry with salt now for the blasted slugs x
And all this time people were worried about skynet and artificial intelligence. Been looking for the enemy in the wrong place.
There better be a film made in my honour.
One woman.
An army of beasts.
A fight to the death.
P"
Now that is a film I would watch. So long as they keep the moths life size and don't super enlarge them. You're on your own then sorry, they scare the shit out of me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The insects are uprising. Arm your weaponry with salt now for the blasted slugs x
And all this time people were worried about skynet and artificial intelligence. Been looking for the enemy in the wrong place.
There better be a film made in my honour.
One woman.
An army of beasts.
A fight to the death.
P
Now that is a film I would watch. So long as they keep the moths life size and don't super enlarge them. You're on your own then sorry, they scare the shit out of me x "
I may need to invest in an electric racket zapper.
I'll be like Martina Navratilova but less lesbiany
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've started the deep voiced mans, trailer lines.
Perfect. I hope it has a Morgan Freeman tone to it.
P"
I was thinking more Samuel L Jackson with lots of "MuthaFucka" scattered in it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've started the deep voiced mans, trailer lines.
Perfect. I hope it has a Morgan Freeman tone to it.
P
I was thinking more Samuel L Jackson with lots of "MuthaFucka" scattered in it. "
Oh I like that A LOT!
Samuel for the win
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure I've been more confused by what going on in a thread than in this one"
I shall explain.
Last night my bedroom got invaded. I was almost taken hostage by the biggest, baddest daddylonglegs that ever inhabited the earth.
It was tormenting me, teasing me, and at one point dive bombed kamikaze style at my face. I took a swipe, badly ...and scratched myself up the nostril. Imagine getting a paper cut up your nose, that's what it felt like.
Myself a B were vid calling at the time and he witnessed the whole thing. It must have been terrible for him to watch me suffering at the wings of such a sly opponent.
I got my makeshift flamethrower ready and the bastard disappeared from sight. Went all ninja. I think it sensed death was coming for it.
Daddy out of sight, next comes a giant moth. I swear daddy has called for back up.
Now, dog hasn't moved all night so I know she's not eaten them. Daddy and moth are AWOL. They're cooking up a raid, I know it. They're recruiting.
...........
P
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another vote for Samuel too. As long as he says "tick, tock, muthafucker" x
It's gonna be a blockbuster
P
Red carpet, big lights. I can see it now. You gonna be a star! X"
I can almost taste the champagne reception 
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't forget the slugs!! Slimy b@stards x"
Shit. Must order ton of salt. Will they sell that on Ebay or shall I just ask all local restaurants to donate a condiment shaker each? Care in the community and all that
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't forget the slugs!! Slimy b@stards x
Shit. Must order ton of salt. Will they sell that on Ebay or shall I just ask all local restaurants to donate a condiment shaker each? Care in the community and all that
P"
Free advertising in the movie!
Yes, I'll put out a call to arms.
P |
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"Don't forget the slugs!! Slimy b@stards x
Shit. Must order ton of salt. Will they sell that on Ebay or shall I just ask all local restaurants to donate a condiment shaker each? Care in the community and all that
P"
It's a case of life or death, they need to! Just in case, do you need me to go around all the maccies and start collecting sachets? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't forget the slugs!! Slimy b@stards x
Shit. Must order ton of salt. Will they sell that on Ebay or shall I just ask all local restaurants to donate a condiment shaker each? Care in the community and all that
P
It's a case of life or death, they need to! Just in case, do you need me to go around all the maccies and start collecting sachets? X"
Perfect!
Travel sized a-salt, they won't see it coming
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x"
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P |
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"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P"
Can't have that. I have a spongebob squarepants supersoaker primed and ready for you. My local maccies have my face pic up with a red cross over it. They think I have a salt addiction now and are refusing to let me in x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P
Can't have that. I have a spongebob squarepants supersoaker primed and ready for you. My local maccies have my face pic up with a red cross over it. They think I have a salt addiction now and are refusing to let me in x"
Spongebob needs a beret. He's in.
You'll be ok, get a stack of different hats and use the drive thru
P
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"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P
Can't have that. I have a spongebob squarepants supersoaker primed and ready for you. My local maccies have my face pic up with a red cross over it. They think I have a salt addiction now and are refusing to let me in x
Spongebob needs a beret. He's in.
You'll be ok, get a stack of different hats and use the drive thru
P
"
Beret, cowboy hat, bobble hat, baseball cap.... I'm good for a few more runs. But wait! If I put glasses on, that doubles the amount of trips. Right, I'm on it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P
Can't have that. I have a spongebob squarepants supersoaker primed and ready for you. My local maccies have my face pic up with a red cross over it. They think I have a salt addiction now and are refusing to let me in x
Spongebob needs a beret. He's in.
You'll be ok, get a stack of different hats and use the drive thru
P
Beret, cowboy hat, bobble hat, baseball cap.... I'm good for a few more runs. But wait! If I put glasses on, that doubles the amount of trips. Right, I'm on it x"
You're so good at this!
P |
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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago
liverpool wavertree picton clock |
I stayed with relatives in Aus. A few times i had to get enormous female Huntsman spiders out of my room. I sprayed insect repellent at one particularly huge one, and it ran at me. Never moved so quick in all my life. My uncle used to hoover them up, the noise was horrendous of it going up the tube  ..He'd leave the hoover in the garden then , and the spider would find it's way out.......Maybe this might help in your insect battles  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I stayed with relatives in Aus. A few times i had to get enormous female Huntsman spiders out of my room. I sprayed insect repellent at one particularly huge one, and it ran at me. Never moved so quick in all my life. My uncle used to hoover them up, the noise was horrendous of it going up the tube ..He'd leave the hoover in the garden then , and the spider would find it's way out.......Maybe this might help in your insect battles "
Well my vacuum is a "shark", and a shark has big teethies
I don't think I want to go to Aus.
P |
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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago
liverpool wavertree picton clock |
"I stayed with relatives in Aus. A few times i had to get enormous female Huntsman spiders out of my room. I sprayed insect repellent at one particularly huge one, and it ran at me. Never moved so quick in all my life. My uncle used to hoover them up, the noise was horrendous of it going up the tube ..He'd leave the hoover in the garden then , and the spider would find it's way out.......Maybe this might help in your insect battles
Well my vacuum is a "shark", and a shark has big teethies
I don't think I want to go to Aus.
P"
Do you hum the Jaws theme while vacuuming |
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"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P
Can't have that. I have a spongebob squarepants supersoaker primed and ready for you. My local maccies have my face pic up with a red cross over it. They think I have a salt addiction now and are refusing to let me in x
Spongebob needs a beret. He's in.
You'll be ok, get a stack of different hats and use the drive thru
P
Beret, cowboy hat, bobble hat, baseball cap.... I'm good for a few more runs. But wait! If I put glasses on, that doubles the amount of trips. Right, I'm on it x
You're so good at this!
P"
I've seen Die Hard loads of times. That qualifies me to be a mercenary, right? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I stayed with relatives in Aus. A few times i had to get enormous female Huntsman spiders out of my room. I sprayed insect repellent at one particularly huge one, and it ran at me. Never moved so quick in all my life. My uncle used to hoover them up, the noise was horrendous of it going up the tube ..He'd leave the hoover in the garden then , and the spider would find it's way out.......Maybe this might help in your insect battles
Well my vacuum is a "shark", and a shark has big teethies
I don't think I want to go to Aus.
P
Do you hum the Jaws theme while vacuuming "
I will do from this point on
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you thing salt would spray out of a supersized water gun? Now that would be awesome x
As long as it was dry. It would clog otherwise and that woukd leave me open to attack
P
Can't have that. I have a spongebob squarepants supersoaker primed and ready for you. My local maccies have my face pic up with a red cross over it. They think I have a salt addiction now and are refusing to let me in x
Spongebob needs a beret. He's in.
You'll be ok, get a stack of different hats and use the drive thru
P
Beret, cowboy hat, bobble hat, baseball cap.... I'm good for a few more runs. But wait! If I put glasses on, that doubles the amount of trips. Right, I'm on it x
You're so good at this!
P
I've seen Die Hard loads of times. That qualifies me to be a mercenary, right? X"
No greater qualification out there.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You need to tackle it using a cigar and aerosol in the style of Roger Moore as James Bond...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=acGr3E_gXew"
That was totally my plan last night. I had hairspray and lighter at the ready
P |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Mega moth has left the building..... for now.
P"
I'm not that far away from you. There's a darkening of the skies that I first thought was a turn for the worse in weather. Turns out this dark cloud may well be the reinforcement squadrons. |
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I have a boot full of salt sachets and a spongebob gun, water sorry, these pesky insects will never defeat you P. Unless its like a really big moth, if it is I'll be hiding in my car, crying like a bitch x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mega moth has left the building..... for now.
P
I'm not that far away from you. There's a darkening of the skies that I first thought was a turn for the worse in weather. Turns out this dark cloud may well be the reinforcement squadrons."
I really wouldn't be that shocked if it was. Winged warriors en route
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a boot full of salt sachets and a spongebob gun, water sorry, these pesky insects will never defeat you P. Unless its like a really big moth, if it is I'll be hiding in my car, crying like a bitch x"
I went to take a photo of it to send to you. Was massive, easily as long as my thumb and about 5 times the width. Just sitting there on the kitchen ceiling in stealth mode
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mega moth has left the building..... for now.
P
I'm not that far away from you. There's a darkening of the skies that I first thought was a turn for the worse in weather. Turns out this dark cloud may well be the reinforcement squadrons.
I really wouldn't be that shocked if it was. Winged warriors en route
P"
Have you been eating cheese after watching the new Top Gun trailer? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And don't even get me started on what I thought was the sound of rain. But it looked like battalions of daddy long legs in formation. The end is nigh. |
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"I have a boot full of salt sachets and a spongebob gun, water sorry, these pesky insects will never defeat you P. Unless its like a really big moth, if it is I'll be hiding in my car, crying like a bitch x
I went to take a photo of it to send to you. Was massive, easily as long as my thumb and about 5 times the width. Just sitting there on the kitchen ceiling in stealth mode
P"
The stuff nightmares are made of x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mega moth has left the building..... for now.
P
I'm not that far away from you. There's a darkening of the skies that I first thought was a turn for the worse in weather. Turns out this dark cloud may well be the reinforcement squadrons.
I really wouldn't be that shocked if it was. Winged warriors en route
P
Have you been eating cheese after watching the new Top Gun trailer?"
I haven't watched it yet. I have no cheese either so no on both counts.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And don't even get me started on what I thought was the sound of rain. But it looked like battalions of daddy long legs in formation. The end is nigh."
Then I shall don my war paint
Shit's about to get real ....
P |
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