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Dom/sub etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've been thinking about the whole Dom/sub thing and how people describe themselves as being a certain way.

If you do identify in this way how do you know? What drives you to be that way and what do you get out of it?

Is it always intuitive or at times do you "play a role"?

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

Leeds

I’d consider myself both and a gimp as well. Just to cover all areas

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I would describe myself as assertive and tend to act that way. Hardly a traditional "Dom"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just naturally fit within the role of a sub although I've often been told by doms that I try and top from the bottom. I was introduced to the fet scene when I was only 21. I have explored playing as a switch but I just can't it's not me. I'm a submissive through and through with a bit of brat thrown in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to just see sex as sex i was very vanilla before but thru trying things nd gaining sexual confidence iv found im butch more dominant than i knew i was i like to lead create scenarios role plays positioning talking dirty growling controlling when she can cum its like you imagine a predator over his prey for me i like that feeling and the look in here eyes the turn on it gives her when i flip that switch on for her

boom orgasmic

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I make no secret of the fact that I have a submissive side and it's not an act or intuitive but something innate that comes from within - I didn't even recognise it for what it was until 20 odd years ago when I "discovered" BDSM but the more I discovered the more I just *knew* and could align it to feelings I had going right back to a very young age.

Also just because I have a submissive side, doesn't mean I don't have a mind of my own, and even can't be assertive, nor does it mean I am submissive to everyone either, it takes a particular type to fire my submissive side completely.

I'm actually a firm believer that Doms and subs are equals and just come from opposite sides of the same coin to complement one another.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’d consider myself both and a gimp as well. Just to cover all areas "

Keeping the options open there

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I would describe myself as assertive and tend to act that way. Hardly a traditional "Dom" "

Have you ever met with a lady the same assertive way? Would you allow someone else to lead things?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I just naturally fit within the role of a sub although I've often been told by doms that I try and top from the bottom. I was introduced to the fet scene when I was only 21. I have explored playing as a switch but I just can't it's not me. I'm a submissive through and through with a bit of brat thrown in. "

I am intrigued by submissives, I'm the opposite, I have no desire at all to be that way. I know it's not easy to find the right words but how does it feel to submit? What do you feel after?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I used to just see sex as sex i was very vanilla before but thru trying things nd gaining sexual confidence iv found im butch more dominant than i knew i was i like to lead create scenarios role plays positioning talking dirty growling controlling when she can cum its like you imagine a predator over his prey for me i like that feeling and the look in here eyes the turn on it gives her when i flip that switch on for her

boom orgasmic"

So how did you find that side? Do you think it's about the person you're with or could you have found it if just anyone had asked you to?

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I would describe myself as assertive and tend to act that way. Hardly a traditional "Dom"

Have you ever met with a lady the same assertive way? Would you allow someone else to lead things? "

I'd be open to let the pendulum swing back and forth

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By *uciyassMan over a year ago

Leeds

"I’d consider myself both and a gimp as well. Just to cover all areas

Keeping the options open there

Absolutly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had always been, more by circumstance than choice, the assertive partner in my sex life. I hankered after a woman who would take charge more and initiate things and assert herself. The last time I experienced that until recently was in my early 20s, but even then it was only on one occasion. However as I have explored more I realised that I also have a submissive side and enjoy it when my partner takes control. I certainly want to explore the switch dynamic much more. I see it less as playing a role and more something that flows naturally out of the passionate expression of our desires. That said I’ve never really explored role play, so that’s an area that piques my curiosity as well.

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

I did identify on FL and here as sub for a couple of years when I was still working out who I was and what I enjoyed. I've come to realise now, for me at least, it's not so much about the what I'm doing (prescribed roles etc) but the who I am doing it with. I don't ascribe to D/s for myself anymore. I like sex in a myriad of forms and a natural switch and exploration of dynamics etc.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am intrigued by submissives, I'm the opposite, I have no desire at all to be that way. I know it's not easy to find the right words but how does it feel to submit? What do you feel after? "

Very few can put me in a total sub zone but when I have been in that zone it's an experience I can't even give words to. I suppose I feel completely at peace, I know the person I have submitted to will have my best interests. Its like I have so much responsibility in life but in that time with then it's all taken, I don't need to think or second guess. I've only submitted fully to 3 people though. It takes a lot of trust to build up first and that they have the knowledge to deal with sub drop too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I make no secret of the fact that I have a submissive side and it's not an act or intuitive but something innate that comes from within - I didn't even recognise it for what it was until 20 odd years ago when I "discovered" BDSM but the more I discovered the more I just *knew* and could align it to feelings I had going right back to a very young age.

I'm actually a firm believer that Doms and subs are equals and just come from opposite sides of the same coin to complement one another."

I totally identify with this. It's about who you're with and how you interact.

I know for me I can be quite vanilla on the whole and find it satisfying but then if I meet someone who "fits" me I find a whole new level, I can be quite sadistic and definitely like to be in control and if the other person is responsive to that I find my satisfaction is focused around theirs much in the way a submissive wants to please a Dom. I want to push them and make them experience everything they can.

It's a two way give and take thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I did identify on FL and here as sub for a couple of years when I was still working out who I was and what I enjoyed. I've come to realise now, for me at least, it's not so much about the what I'm doing (prescribed roles etc) but the who I am doing it with. I don't ascribe to D/s for myself anymore. I like sex in a myriad of forms and a natural switch and exploration of dynamics etc."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

The mixture of perspective and personality between players decides the narrative of play...

Oh my god.... ive genuinely just realised sex is like DnD.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"it's not so much about the what I'm doing (prescribed roles etc) but the who I am doing it with. I don't ascribe to D/s for myself anymore. I like sex in a myriad of forms and a natural switch and exploration of dynamics etc."

This, exactly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This, exactly. "

You nailed it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm actually a firm believer that Doms and subs are equals and just come from opposite sides of the same coin to complement one another.

I totally identify with this. It's about who you're with and how you interact.

It's a two way give and take thing. "

Sometimes three and four way.

Do you need to be pushed just as much or are you okay to see how far others will go?

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By *andKBCouple over a year ago

Plymouth

I'm a brat!! So I'm a sub but I will push boundaries and be playful. Usually landing me in trouble.

Not been on the scene more than about 3-4 years. My husband and I took the journey together. I thought I would be a domme but I am not assertive enough and enjoy releasing the control!

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I identify quite strongly, but don't want the messages so don't talk about it openly.

I've always known. It's always been part of my fantasies, even before my fantasies were explicitly sexual. Long before I realised anything like it existed other than in my head.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been thinking about the whole Dom/sub thing and how people describe themselves as being a certain way.

If you do identify in this way how do you know? What drives you to be that way and what do you get out of it?

Is it always intuitive or at times do you "play a role"? "

Go with the flow. I would say I lean toward the assertive side but it depends on the lady. I have no objection to women on top!

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I also get asked if I switch.

Does not compute

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am intrigued by submissives, I'm the opposite, I have no desire at all to be that way. I know it's not easy to find the right words but how does it feel to submit? What do you feel after?

That makes sense, letting go could be liberating for some I guess.

For me it's the opposite, I don't like that feeling. If anyone tries then my feisty side comes out

Maybe that would change if I found someone I trusted completely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I had always been, more by circumstance than choice, the assertive partner in my sex life. I hankered after a woman who would take charge more and initiate things and assert herself. The last time I experienced that until recently was in my early 20s, but even then it was only on one occasion. However as I have explored more I realised that I also have a submissive side and enjoy it when my partner takes control. I certainly want to explore the switch dynamic much more. I see it less as playing a role and more something that flows naturally out of the passionate expression of our desires. That said I’ve never really explored role play, so that’s an area that piques my curiosity as well."

That makes sense, it being natural. I guess a lot of my thinking is to do with people who actively look for certain types of people, like they are so set in their ways only a person willing to do what they want will fit.

I agree it should be more of a natural thing, it just happens as you explore together.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I also get asked if I switch.

Does not compute

I concur, the other side of the coin is not for me and in fact somewhere I feel uncomfortable and awkward - now as I said further up that doesn't mean I can't be assertive, but there's a difference between domination and assertiveness in my book.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve no idea. All I know is I’m not very submissive!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I identify as a sub, though I don’t submit to everyone. I have to build up the trust then I know the person I’m with has my best interest at heart. I don’t know what’s made me this way I just like handing over control. But I also have a big say in what happens x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree it should be more of a natural thing, it just happens as you explore together. "

I find I’m attracted to both those who are more assertive and those who are more submissive I don’t seek out a particular type at all. I just fancy who I fancy. There’s such a vast array of things that people can explore together I really never have a fixed idea of what might happen. I’m more simply open to the possibilities.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've changed my FL descriptor so many times! I think I've finally settled on "undecided"

The prescribed roles thing is a lot to do with my thinking too, when people have set expectations of what will happen I just don't understand how that is fulfilling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I couldn't have said it better myself.

The mixture of perspective and personality between players decides the narrative of play...

Oh my god.... ive genuinely just realised sex is like DnD.

I'm a dragon. Get in my dungeon

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By *an_LexaCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

I identify only as a hedonist. My behaviours fluctuate and are determined not just by my own moods but by the people I’m with. When I see someone and you get that will you or won’t you twinge, I also get an immediate top bottom feeling about them too. Occasionally there are some people who excite me enough and I feel comfortable enough to switch about in their company. It’s almost part of the excitement, part of the fun and the fight for who would win out in each scenario like two warriors battling out and playing your long game to win the war

Lex

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Just bookmarking for Mrs to post later, she can explain far better than I what she gets out of being a sub - it’s really intriguing and we’re loving exploring.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

boom orgasmic

So how did you find that side? Do you think it's about the person you're with or could you have found it if just anyone had asked you to? "
person your with definitely i couldnt be like that with some random hook up i have to feel comfortable enough with that person its taken many meets and lots of listening to what she needs for me its like a circle the more im like that the more turned on she is the more turned on she is and the harder she cums the more i want to push the boundarys and up the ante

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm actually a firm believer that Doms and subs are equals and just come from opposite sides of the same coin to complement one another.

I totally identify with this. It's about who you're with and how you interact.

It's a two way give and take thing.

Sometimes three and four way.

Do you need to be pushed just as much or are you okay to see how far others will go?"

No that's actually the conversation I was having yesterday. I'm not attracted to overly submissive people, I need to have someone to rut against, I have to "take" it. I need my brain to be fully engaged and a lot of that is in manipulating someone sexually, I have to have a reason to want to do that and it's a bit like a game of cat and mouse, I need them to tease me and rile me into doing it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm a brat!! So I'm a sub but I will push boundaries and be playful. Usually landing me in trouble.

Not been on the scene more than about 3-4 years. My husband and I took the journey together. I thought I would be a domme but I am not assertive enough and enjoy releasing the control! "

Do your hubby naturally fall into the Dom role or do you think that your being a brat influenced that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I identify quite strongly, but don't want the messages so don't talk about it openly.

I've always known. It's always been part of my fantasies, even before my fantasies were explicitly sexual. Long before I realised anything like it existed other than in my head. "

See this is what I find interesting, that deep down urge to be a certain way.

I find it fascinating how some people just know yet others have to find it.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

Although I love mutual pleasure play, I quite happily fit into a sub role, but can easily switch and take control when the mood takes and obviously the guy is willing

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've been thinking about the whole Dom/sub thing and how people describe themselves as being a certain way.

If you do identify in this way how do you know? What drives you to be that way and what do you get out of it?

Is it always intuitive or at times do you "play a role"?

Go with the flow. I would say I lean toward the assertive side but it depends on the lady. I have no objection to women on top!

I think most men agree

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"The prescribed roles thing is a lot to do with my thinking too, when people have set expectations of what will happen I just don't understand how that is fulfilling. "

Gosh Rubi, we think so alike.

I think sometimes people have an innate knowledge of what does and doesn't work for them. It can be fulfilling because it's a release and a safe space for them to explore their desires and kink without judgement. Do you know when you're really content during a good fuck and everything flows seamlessly and you forget about the outside world? That can happen which is fulfilling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’ve no idea. All I know is I’m not very submissive!"

That's my line

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By *hloevtTV/TS over a year ago

norwich

I'm totally sub.

The strange thing is I make the rules to really I'm in charge.

I like a man to feel in control and him to be assertive x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

boom orgasmic

So how did you find that side? Do you think it's about the person you're with or could you have found it if just anyone had asked you to? person your with definitely i couldnt be like that with some random hook up i have to feel comfortable enough with that person its taken many meets and lots of listening to what she needs for me its like a circle the more im like that the more turned on she is the more turned on she is and the harder she cums the more i want to push the boundarys and up the ante"
dont always play that way mind you sometime we just make love and smush too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I couldn't have said it better myself.

The mixture of perspective and personality between players decides the narrative of play...

Oh my god.... ive genuinely just realised sex is like DnD.

I'm a dragon. Get in my dungeon

Pulls out a d20... I cast precipitation...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm actually a firm believer that Doms and subs are equals and just come from opposite sides of the same coin to complement one another.

I totally identify with this. It's about who you're with and how you interact.

It's a two way give and take thing.

Sometimes three and four way.

Do you need to be pushed just as much or are you okay to see how far others will go?

I think thats half the fun.

And its not strictly in the bedroom for me. That push and pull manifests in so may ways. I guess thats why we enjoy muck up so much. Its a basic way of playing with that push and pull.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve no idea. All I know is I’m not very submissive!

That's my line

Haha is it!? To be honest I didn’t read any of the thread. Too long!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I identify as a sub, though I don’t submit to everyone. I have to build up the trust then I know the person I’m with has my best interest at heart. I don’t know what’s made me this way I just like handing over control. But I also have a big say in what happens x "

Would you be that way with people you met on here or just with a partner?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I identify quite strongly, but don't want the messages so don't talk about it openly.

I've always known. It's always been part of my fantasies, even before my fantasies were explicitly sexual. Long before I realised anything like it existed other than in my head.

See this is what I find interesting, that deep down urge to be a certain way.

I find it fascinating how some people just know yet others have to find it. "

For me it's a lot like knowing I'm female. I knew before I knew it was a question. Before I knew that cross dressing or trans people or gender fluidity existed. How does that play out? (butch, femme, career woman, children, etc forever) That's taken longer to figure out. But I'm definitely female. And by that I also mean that I'm not and cannot be male. (others have more challenges obviously, but I'm definitely cis)

I feel the same about the core of my sexual identity in this sphere.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

That's it for me too and why I find it hard to engage with people who identify and are seeking something specific.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I identify only as a hedonist. My behaviours fluctuate and are determined not just by my own moods but by the people I’m with. When I see someone and you get that will you or won’t you twinge, I also get an immediate top bottom feeling about them too. Occasionally there are some people who excite me enough and I feel comfortable enough to switch about in their company. It’s almost part of the excitement, part of the fun and the fight for who would win out in each scenario like two warriors battling out and playing your long game to win the war

Lex"

That's a really good way of seeing it, it's a lot more in the mind than the physical acts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Although I love mutual pleasure play, I quite happily fit into a sub role, but can easily switch and take control when the mood takes and obviously the guy is willing

Sometimes it's fun when they're not

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I play vanilla too, but if it's even remotely a question, I can only be on one side of this equation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Although I love mutual pleasure play, I quite happily fit into a sub role, but can easily switch and take control when the mood takes and obviously the guy is willing

Sometimes it's fun when they're not

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The prescribed roles thing is a lot to do with my thinking too, when people have set expectations of what will happen I just don't understand how that is fulfilling.

Gosh Rubi, we think so alike.

This actually got me thinking about FL and the kink scene, it confuses my brain a bit trying to separate the two and seeing the physical acts as separate things to the mental. There's a lot of preconceived ideas of whips and chains and tying people up and that doesn't really appeal to me.

I know that some people are so set in seeking a certain fetish to excite them physically and I had lumped those seeking a sub/Dom into the same box but as you said it's more about feelings than actions.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Some of the most intense moments I've had have involved nothing more than looks and kisses. No equipment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I switch But I’m more submissive I’m most definitely dominant in my life I hate men being in control of me unless it’s my husband

Mrscxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm totally sub.

The strange thing is I make the rules to really I'm in charge.

I like a man to feel in control and him to be assertive x "

So is it more about making him feel that way than about you needing to feel sub?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

boom orgasmic"

I love wen hubs does that to me and if I cum with out permission I get punished but I love that to

Mrscxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I feel the same about the core of my sexual identity in this sphere. "

It's really interesting. I do wonder if it's a primal thing, men are generally more dominant in most species. It's a bit like the gender thing, a lot of people just don't fit into what's expected but it's not a choice, it is who they are and how they feel.

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By *yesgreenMan over a year ago

north and south

"I identify quite strongly, but don't want the messages so don't talk about it openly.

I've always known. It's always been part of my fantasies, even before my fantasies were explicitly sexual. Long before I realised anything like it existed other than in my head. "
I agree I like to be Dominant and in control,but that's the respect between the two involved, it's the sub that lays down there rules of engagement, we just do there bidding and enjoy ourselves, I don't mention it on my profile either as am open to suggestions and the simple voyeuristic stuff too

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I switch But I’m more submissive I’m most definitely dominant in my life I hate men being in control of me unless it’s my husband

Mrscxxx "

Do you think the two are related? Maybe the letting go of control is exciting because it's so different?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would you be that way with people you met on here or just with a partner? "

Just a partner, I’ve only submitted to two men who I trust completely x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I identify quite strongly, but don't want the messages so don't talk about it openly.

I've always known. It's always been part of my fantasies, even before my fantasies were explicitly sexual. Long before I realised anything like it existed other than in my head. I agree I like to be Dominant and in control,but that's the respect between the two involved, it's the sub that lays down there rules of engagement, we just do there bidding and enjoy ourselves, I don't mention it on my profile either as am open to suggestions and the simple voyeuristic stuff too

I know it might seem daft but if people have that they're looking for something specific then I just don't engage with them, I feel like they'd be too focused on what they're seeking rather than who they are seeking.

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By *an_LexaCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

It’s most definitely an innate feeling for me. If someone tried to play a role, if I wasn’t feeling it wasn’t truly there, it’s not something I could go along with. Which is why I couldn’t assume a submissive or subservient role to someone I didn’t feel was truly dominant, even if that was just in the moment.

As an aside, that doesn’t always need to be particularly sexual. I have taken dominant roles in foot and boot worship scenarios for example with no sex involved at all. I can separate my kink.

Lex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find that through my job I have to be naturally dominant and therefore earn for a confident dominant female to take the lead, I have never really identified as a ‘sub’ but fantasise, regularly about it, maybe it’s because I’ve never yet had the experience of being completely submissive, interesting thread, interested to read more from others perspectives

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"The prescribed roles thing is a lot to do with my thinking too, when people have set expectations of what will happen I just don't understand how that is fulfilling.

Gosh Rubi, we think so alike.

I think it ultimately breaks down into various elements - there's the "feeling" submissive to someone, knowing you are handing them control and the escape and release that brings and the headspace it can put you in.

There are then the individual physical elements of it (impact play, restraint, was etc etc etc)

Then you have the psychological things that come about from humiliation and degradation, even forced servitude or forced feminisation.

Then more besides that I've probably overlooked.

There doesn't necessarily have to be all of these elements in place to define submissiveness or even cater to it - as someone else said it can be as much as a look that does it - but we each pick what we like from those menus and work with them. When they all come together right, it melds together to become as much about the mind as the body.

There doesn't necessarily even have to be D/s involved - for some "kink play" allows the exploration of the more physical elements without actually calling on either person to take a particularly dominant or submissive role.

The overall key, as with anything, is two (or more) individuals finding each other and finding what works for them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It’s most definitely an innate feeling for me. If someone tried to play a role, if I wasn’t feeling it wasn’t truly there, it’s not something I could go along with. Which is why I couldn’t assume a submissive or subservient role to someone I didn’t feel was truly dominant, even if that was just in the moment.

As an aside, that doesn’t always need to be particularly sexual. I have taken dominant roles in foot and boot worship scenarios for example with no sex involved at all. I can separate my kink.

Lex"

I totally identify with this. I'm naturally shy in my younger years so would assume a more submissive role because I wasn't confident enough to take control but I never felt really fulfilled sexually, I'd often be quite angry inside if a guy was too dominant so I guess the urges were there I just hadn't identified or acknowledged them.

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

That's a really good post GM.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find that through my job I have to be naturally dominant and therefore earn for a confident dominant female to take the lead, I have never really identified as a ‘sub’ but fantasise, regularly about it, maybe it’s because I’ve never yet had the experience of being completely submissive, interesting thread, interested to read more from others perspectives

Do you ever actively seek a dominant female?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The prescribed roles thing is a lot to do with my thinking too, when people have set expectations of what will happen I just don't understand how that is fulfilling.

Gosh Rubi, we think so alike.

There are then the individual physical elements of it (impact play, restraint, was etc etc etc)

Then you have the psychological things that come about from humiliation and degradation, even forced servitude or forced feminisation.

Then more besides that I've probably overlooked.

The overall key, as with anything, is two (or more) individuals finding each other and finding what works for them. "

This guy know his stuff man

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That's a really good post GM.

If is indeed

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I feel the same about the core of my sexual identity in this sphere.

Exactly that, I *know* I didn't choose to be submissive at heart, now nurture and upbringing may have had a hand in shaping me that way but it is *who* I am and how I feel.

Now I know there are some, and it does seem to be more a male thing, that might see BDSM porn and the like and decide it's for them because it turns them on and decide on the spot that they are either Dom or sub - and some may *know* because of an instinctive inner feeling but for many who come to it that way, sadly they just see it as another sexual means to an end, and that way danger lies. Which is whenever there are people here who ask about BDSM I always labour the point of how important it is to become informed and to *know* where they sit before they act on the interest.

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By *hloevtTV/TS over a year ago

norwich

"I'm totally sub.

The strange thing is I make the rules to really I'm in charge.

I like a man to feel in control and him to be assertive x

So is it more about making him feel that way than about you needing to feel sub? "

No, it's all about me (I'm a bit selfish). Before we play I like to set out the rules what I want and like. But a man stills needs to be very manly . This is why I like men that are a lot bigger than me x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I switch But I’m more submissive I’m most definitely dominant in my life I hate men being in control of me unless it’s my husband

Mrscxxx

Do you think the two are related? Maybe the letting go of control is exciting because it's so different? "
dunno i just hate the thought of a male being in charge especially in the work place and I turn it around so I don’t feel victimesed wen around male coulluges

Mrscxxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel the same about the core of my sexual identity in this sphere.

Exactly that, I *know* I didn't choose to be submissive at heart, now nurture and upbringing may have had a hand in shaping me that way but it is *who* I am and how I feel.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"That's a really good post GM.

If is indeed

Blimey thank you ladies - I actually thought I'd side tracked myself down a rabbit hole of meandering thoughts and missed the point I was making so glad to hear it didn't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's a really good post GM.

If is indeed

Blimey thank you ladies - I actually thought I'd side tracked myself down a rabbit hole of meandering thoughts and missed the point I was making so glad to hear it didn't

"
i suggest a new thread ask GM

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

Neither of us consider the dom/sub dynamic of any relevance to us. We consider ourselves equals. We make an effort to bring each other equal pleasure. We would do the same for and with anybody we met.

We don't have any desire to dominate anybody or be dominated. We don't see the appeal at all.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"Although I love mutual pleasure play, I quite happily fit into a sub role, but can easily switch and take control when the mood takes and obviously the guy is willing

Sometimes it's fun when they're not

Well yes agree, but let’s not scare them just yet

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"That's a really good post GM.

If is indeed

Blimey thank you ladies - I actually thought I'd side tracked myself down a rabbit hole of meandering thoughts and missed the point I was making so glad to hear it didn't

You got all out eloquently and the vital points

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Although I love mutual pleasure play, I quite happily fit into a sub role, but can easily switch and take control when the mood takes and obviously the guy is willing

Sometimes it's fun when they're not

Well yes agree, but let’s not scare them just yet

That’s kind of how it happened for me. I suddenly found myself pinned and unable to wriggle out of it

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By *adyJayneWoman over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"The prescribed roles thing is a lot to do with my thinking too, when people have set expectations of what will happen I just don't understand how that is fulfilling.

Gosh Rubi, we think so alike.

There are then the individual physical elements of it (impact play, restraint, was etc etc etc)

Then you have the psychological things that come about from humiliation and degradation, even forced servitude or forced feminisation.

Then more besides that I've probably overlooked.

The overall key, as with anything, is two (or more) individuals finding each other and finding what works for them. "

This is why I love you GM. You can put into words things pretty much perfectly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I feel the same about the core of my sexual identity in this sphere.

Exactly that, I *know* I didn't choose to be submissive at heart, now nurture and upbringing may have had a hand in shaping me that way but it is *who* I am and how I feel.

I was watching generation porn yesterday, a lot of the focus was on how extreme porn has become and how it shapes what people see as "normal" behaviour sexually. It's definitely worrying the amount of younger men who think that being rough and pushing a woman to take more and more makes them a Dom.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm totally sub.

The strange thing is I make the rules to really I'm in charge.

I like a man to feel in control and him to be assertive x

So is it more about making him feel that way than about you needing to feel sub?

So would you say you top from the bottom? The man gets you physically but ultimately you're in control of what happens?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel the same about the core of my sexual identity in this sphere.

Exactly that, I *know* I didn't choose to be submissive at heart, now nurture and upbringing may have had a hand in shaping me that way but it is *who* I am and how I feel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Neither of us consider the dom/sub dynamic of any relevance to us. We consider ourselves equals. We make an effort to bring each other equal pleasure. We would do the same for and with anybody we met.

We don't have any desire to dominate anybody or be dominated. We don't see the appeal at all."

I guess there's that inate feeling too, just like the people who identify a certain way there are those who don't at all.

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By *ondonFreakMan over a year ago

London

I`m a giver in normal life in various ways, & I enjoy being sub in the bedroom too.

That doesn't always follow though, its often the exact opposite..

There's also loads of variations of sub, or dom, a lot of "non-scene" people generally only see the normal stereotypes.

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By *yesgreenMan over a year ago

north and south

"That's a really good post GM.

If is indeed

Blimey thank you ladies - I actually thought I'd side tracked myself down a rabbit hole of meandering thoughts and missed the point I was making so glad to hear it didn't

i suggest a new thread ask GM

"
well only 2 girlfriends of mine have wanted dominated and I don't pursue it and yes we all all equals , but we are crave excitement in many way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do, but until this thread I believed them to be a rarity, there is an over abundance of women looking for dominant males, and like a previous poster has said, it’s not always about penetrative sex it can be so much more (at least that’s what I would hope for)

Do you ever actively seek a dominant female? "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Do you ever actively seek a dominant female?

Can't even type in the right place! You clearly need guidance

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By *yesgreenMan over a year ago

north and south

Do you ever actively seek a dominant female?

Can't even type in the right place! You clearly need guidance

"
Am dyslexic don't ask me to spell it lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you ever actively seek a dominant female?

Can't even type in the right place! You clearly need guidance

Guidance yes, most definitely, not to type in the right place, that said I clearly struggle with that one as well

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"Although I love mutual pleasure play, I quite happily fit into a sub role, but can easily switch and take control when the mood takes and obviously the guy is willing

Sometimes it's fun when they're not

Well yes agree, but let’s not scare them just yet

That’s kind of how it happened for me. I suddenly found myself pinned and unable to wriggle out of it

Going with the natural flow, as long as it was enjoyable

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By *hloevtTV/TS over a year ago

norwich

Wish some people would realise the difrence between being a sub and being tied up and restrained.

One is physical and the other is very sensual and plays with your feelings x

Just my view , xx

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Wish some people would realise the difrence between being a sub and being tied up and restrained.

One is physical and the other is very sensual and plays with your feelings x

Just my view , xx "

And that's exactly it Chloe - it *is* just *your* view and that is the wondrous thing about BDSM, is (usual safe, sane, informed and consensual, not to mention legal, caveats aside, and despite what some might say) there is no right or wrong way only your way that has been agreed with a matching partner or partners.

If someone defines themselves as a sub because they enjoy restraint then I'm not going to question it - if it works for them, so be it - it might not be *my* definition but it *is* theirs

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By *hloevtTV/TS over a year ago

norwich

"Wish some people would realise the difrence between being a sub and being tied up and restrained.

One is physical and the other is very sensual and plays with your feelings x

Just my view , xx

If someone defines themselves as a sub because they enjoy restraint then I'm not going to question it - if it works for them, so be it - it might not be *my* definition but it *is* theirs

Rather well put. X x

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It all plays into each other, assertiveness or lack thereof, D/s, bondage, pain, control, other things. How it combines in each individual, couple, or group will be unique.

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By *an_LexaCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

"Wish some people would realise the difrence between being a sub and being tied up and restrained.

One is physical and the other is very sensual and plays with your feelings x

Just my view , xx "

It is very different things to different people I agree and for me impact play is just that, a separate thing in itself. Elements can enter into the wider picture of sub/Dom but it’s generally an altogether different headspace for me. One more physical. The other as you say much more sensual and erotic. A different power at play for me.

Lex

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

We don't have any desire to dominate anybody or be dominated. We don't see the appeal at all."

I think we've had this chat on another thread...playing within a dom/sub dynamic absolutely doesn't mean you are not equals, nor that you are not both giving each other pleasure

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does Switch exist?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I've been thinking about the whole Dom/sub thing and how people describe themselves as being a certain way.

If you do identify in this way how do you know? What drives you to be that way and what do you get out of it?

Is it always intuitive or at times do you "play a role"? "

Great question OP. I guess I first knew I was interested in being submissive when I started reading erotica in my late teens - it was always stories about spanking, rough handling, humiliation, elements of non-consent which got me going. Disclaimer: these aren't all things which every sub will enjoy but it's what turns me on.

It wasn't until I was with Mr that I really began to explore this though. The trust and intimate knowledge of each other is crucial. Aspects of servitude and humiliation which we explore together are things which I would never trust someone else with.

What do I get out of it? It's hard to explain. When I'm in subspace it's so freeing, almost like I'm floating - I feel so safe in his hands and I love letting go of control. In my everyday life I very much like to be in control but I don't know if the two things are connected. I have wondered about it.

There are times when you play the part, when trying something new - it's how we find out what works for us, and what doesn't. It becomes clear pretty quickly if we are feeling it or not!

Since rejoining the swinging lifestyle, we've found that with other guys I need them to tend to the dominant - confident, bit of rough handling, spanking and the like. But I'm not going to hand over control to someone I've just met - it's a totally different thing for me. Different part of the spectrum of dom/sub, I suppose.

Interestingly, with the few women we've played with, I have taken the lead more. Don't know if this is an innate thing or just down to the personalities involved. We will see

Sorry for the ramble! It's a massive and complex subject and one which I feel we have only just dipped our toes into.

Mrs TMN x

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Fabulous answer Mrs TMN and an interesting and thought provoking read - the thing about you being more dominant with other women is also not uncommon I've found but certainly doesn't seem to apply in reverse with men - as you say maybe it is just situational with the particular women you have met, maybe there's something more to it (self-protection at some level maybe?) - certainly interesting though

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I've been thinking about the whole Dom/sub thing and how people describe themselves as being a certain way.

If you do identify in this way how do you know? What drives you to be that way and what do you get out of it?

Is it always intuitive or at times do you "play a role"?

There are times when you play the part, when trying something new - it's how we find out what works for us, and what doesn't. It becomes clear pretty quickly if we are feeling it or not!

Interestingly, with the few women we've played with, I have taken the lead more. Don't know if this is an innate thing or just down to the personalities involved. We will see

Sorry for the ramble! It's a massive and complex subject and one which I feel we have only just dipped our toes into.

Mrs TMN x"

Subspace is a stunning place to watch from the outside.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Fabulous answer Mrs TMN and an interesting and thought provoking read - the thing about you being more dominant with other women is also not uncommon I've found but certainly doesn't seem to apply in reverse with men - as you say maybe it is just situational with the particular women you have met, maybe there's something more to it (self-protection at some level maybe?) - certainly interesting though "

Thank you, yours too! It certainly is a fascinating world. We love it

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Thank you, yours too! It certainly is a fascinating world. We love it

Fascinating is exactly how I describe it - the different dynamics, the different perspectives and levels of play are intriguing, interesting and yep, that word again fascinating

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