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Finding something more ....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions. 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions'
It's not just you and lots of people feel that way. You certainly shouldn't forget the notions, if anything lean into them more and put them first. Don't raise the hard-on until you think there is at least the possibility of a heart rate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My last relationship ended just before I turned 24, I was a mess. Over the following few years I built myself back up, started meeting on fab again, clawed my confidence back.
Almost 4 years ago I met my now partner, at the time I was happily single, but what was meant to be fwb turned into finding my person.
I definitely wasn't looking for love here, but I found it and I honestly couldn't feel luckier 
There's no shame in wanting to share your life with someone OP, I hope you find your person!
(Side note...if you're fat, they need a new word for me! You're gorgeous from what I can see) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
"
patience sweetheart stop looking and it will find you love is like losing your keys the harder you look the longer it takes to find em and its always somewhere closer than you think keep having fun focus on that and it will find you if you let it
Took me 39 years to feel it
Thats my advise for the day
Good luck chin up tits out look to the future  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Online romances happen all the time. It's not the way people imagine meeting their significant other and that's the only reason I think that people are put off by it. It definitely happens though.
I'm not a winner when it comes to love but if I were looking for it here, I might mention in my profile that I'm looking for the right one person to meet with regularly and that you hope for more of a connection and for things to progress rather than just a bed buddy |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I could have written every word of that (except the 36 bit because I’m waaaaay older than that).
But you are not alone.
I love my life. I don’t need anyone to “complete” me. But being single is great and sucks in equal measure.
I’d just like to hear “I love you” from the man I could be in love with.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Since sex became easier to get, love became harder to find.
Been single 6 years now and quite frankly I've given up. Not that I wouldn't like to be in a relationship but I'm not prepared to settle for just anyone who shows an interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
patience sweetheart stop looking and it will find you love is like losing your keys the harder you look the longer it takes to find em and its always somewhere closer than you think keep having fun focus on that and it will find you if you let it
Took me 39 years to feel it
Thats my advise for the day
Good luck chin up tits out look to the future "
Blimey a sensible comment from you which I agree with  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
patience sweetheart stop looking and it will find you love is like losing your keys the harder you look the longer it takes to find em and its always somewhere closer than you think keep having fun focus on that and it will find you if you let it
Took me 39 years to feel it
Thats my advise for the day
Good luck chin up tits out look to the future
Blimey a sensible comment from you which I agree with "
i am capable ya know im not all fun and frollics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're not unlovable at all and I was going to say what most others have said. It will happen. Don't hide yourself away and be scared of rejection and do let people know if you're interested. It's easy to say I know but maybe something to work on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met on here as singles. We were not looking for a relationship, but we enjoyed our time together and it grew from there.
It can happen when you least expect it to.
Don't rush it, but you could let people know via your profile that you would be open to a relationship if the right person came along.
Good luck x |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I don't know if you need to forget your romantic notions OP. Keep those, they make you an incredibly likeable woman.
With regards to finding someone - ach. No cliches? I always thought you were giving romantic energy to the married man you've referenced a few times. Try and remain open and positive, it suits you far more.
As far as me finding someone? I genuinely don't know how it happened. I was the polar opposite of you, adamant I didn't want anything more, particularly from a self confirmed bachelor ( ). Sometimes I still can't believe someone puts up with me and my thousand questions.  It happened though over time and with open and honest communication.
It'll happen for you, x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's rare that fairytales happen immediately. As I've got older I've found much more pleasure from the realisation that what works for me more is spending time in the company of guys who are straightforward, and seem to genuinely enjoy time spent in my company too.
I've still not met 'the one', but I'm having a far nicer time in life rather than sticking with something that isn't particularly adding anything positive to my life purely for some companionship and sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive come to the conclusion the us independent single women scare the beejezus out of men, men as a species want to be the ones in control and a woman who seemingly has her shit together means they cant 'control' us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I (female) was single for 3 years after an 18 year marriage and i enjoyed myself on Fab without seeking a relationship or anything meaningful from meets because I got out of Fab what I wanted from it.
But there were many moments when I missed the little tokens of affection, and the feeling of meaning something to someone. So, during those times I found a fwb. Someone to enjoy a night in watching a movie cwtched up together and spend the weekend with.
I did go on dates with guys from other sites but I preferred the openess and honesty Fab gave me to talk about sexual preferences upfront.
Then one day I arranged a social with a guy I had been chatting with on here, had not even seen a face pic...which went against all my pre set rules. I met him in a public place and felt an instant connection with him. We had an amazing first meet but both felt a sadness when we had to say goodbye.
We continued chatting on here and a week later I was worried that I was getting too close to him, and vice versa. We tried to cool it off and remind ourselves that it's supposed to be NSA but sometimes you just cant help falling for someone.
I now have a man in my life who ticks all the boxes for me, emotionally and sexually. He knows, understands and shares many of my fantasies and I am so glad that we met and fell in love through this site. We have been together 3 years now and share all aspects of our lives together.
So what's my advice to you OP? It's to be honest with yourself and others in what you want from Fab. If you want to find your kinky life partner then you go look for him and state it on your profile if you want, but don't put your life on hold as you seek him. Enjoy Fab, use Fab and when you don't expect it the right guy will come into your life... I never thought it would happen to me and it did.
Huge hugs
C
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I doubt very much that you can't raise a heart rate. You would definitely have raised mine in my single days.
We have found love but it happened by accident. Neither of us was looking but when we were confronted with each other it was just obvious. I have seen this mentioned several times with other couples on this forum.
My best suggestion is to create opportunities to meet people. It could be on here, on a dating site, out in real life or wherever. Don't rule anything out. If you create enough opportunities you might just find yourself standing in front of the one.
Don't be afraid of rejection. That's just a way of knowing he wasn't the one. If you allow potential rejection to put you off, the person who you were otherwise going to talk to could be the one and you pass them by. Just be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.
Don't forget that there are actually a lot of really nice single guys on Fab. I know there are a lot of idiots, but there are good guys too. I know that because a few years ago I was one.
Be bold. Take life by the horns and get yourself out there. We wish you success and every happiness. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
"
the trouble with this place is most guys or women have met a few or been here a long time, the luxury of meeting and playing with different partners is possibly the origin of the human being and although monogamy is the absolute sensible way to bring young people into the world and nurture them, it's possibly for some especially in this day and age a very difficult undertaking.
I would say it's definitely possible to meet a partner here, it's happened and been successful but in time most not all relationships stagnate and the excitement goes especially if you have children, you become mum and dad and not boyfriend and girlfriend, if you're wanting to meet a partner and have love and carry on doing this I would say that's also possible but unlikely, my recommendation would be to leave this lifestyle and seek a partner elsewhere it may achieve longevity more successfully  |
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I'm a perfectly average, completely unremarkable, tubby, short, sarcastic, and slightly nutty middle-aged woman with a penchant for younger men.
I met the lust and love of my life through Fab and sometimes still can't quite believe my luck that I managed to somehow trick this gorgeous creature into falling in love with me.
It all started with a funny message that lead to a coffee... 3 years later he's still nicking my smokes, poking fun at my cartoon impressions and making my heart skip a beat every time I see him naked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
"
|
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"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
the trouble with this place is most guys or women have met a few or been here a long time, the luxury of meeting and playing with different partners is possibly the origin of the human being and although monogamy is the absolute sensible way to bring young people into the world and nurture them, it's possibly for some especially in this day and age a very difficult undertaking.
I would say it's definitely possible to meet a partner here, it's happened and been successful but in time most not all relationships stagnate and the excitement goes especially if you have children, you become mum and dad and not boyfriend and girlfriend, if you're wanting to meet a partner and have love and carry on doing this I would say that's also possible but unlikely, my recommendation would be to leave this lifestyle and seek a partner elsewhere it may achieve longevity more successfully "
If you took sex and fantasy out of the life of human beings there would be a very large void (hole) would life be so Interesting then something I can,t Imagine we,ll ever know we may have our Interests and loved ones but does sex keep it all together as a need for the human race Its how we (use it and control it) nothing ever changes there but with all its pleasure seeking capabilities I wish sometimes we had more control on it and could enjoy life in other ways we can enjoy as Individuals we,re all different of course of course we are which makes people see things differently and causes debate " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm 36 next week and after almost 10 years of being single I've seriously had enough of just being the fun but nothing more.
I know fab isn't necessarily the place to seek something meaningful but in theory it is a place full of couples in strong loving relationships. So my question is how did you do it?
Granted I'm a bit fat and no oil painting but I'm actually lovely. Why can I raise a hardon but not a heart rate?
Seriously though, how do you do it? How do you go from the fun or friends column to the relationship potential one?
I don't feel online is the way to go and I never get approached out in the real world and I'm far too scared of rejection to chat anyone up!
I get frustrated with myself for feeling like this because I am a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. Yet I'm currently feeling very unlovable.n
I know it doesn't happen when you look too before anyone says that!
I'm by no means desperate, although I know how this probably sounds, I'm just genuinely fed of seeing everyone else manage it but I never do? It all seems a bit out of my reach .
Does anyone else get to this point or is it just me?
Do I just need to woman up and forget my romantic notions.
the trouble with this place is most guys or women have met a few or been here a long time, the luxury of meeting and playing with different partners is possibly the origin of the human being and although monogamy is the absolute sensible way to bring young people into the world and nurture them, it's possibly for some especially in this day and age a very difficult undertaking.
I would say it's definitely possible to meet a partner here, it's happened and been successful but in time most not all relationships stagnate and the excitement goes especially if you have children, you become mum and dad and not boyfriend and girlfriend, if you're wanting to meet a partner and have love and carry on doing this I would say that's also possible but unlikely, my recommendation would be to leave this lifestyle and seek a partner elsewhere it may achieve longevity more successfully If you took sex and fantasy out of the life of human beings there would be a very large void (hole) would life be so Interesting then something I can,t Imagine we,ll ever know we may have our Interests and loved ones but does sex keep it all together as a need for the human race Its how we (use it and control it) nothing ever changes there but with all its pleasure seeking capabilities I wish sometimes we had more control on it and could enjoy life in other ways we can enjoy as Individuals we,re all different of course of course we are which makes people see things differently and causes debate ""
I had a very loving relationship with no sex for years, I don't think sex is paramount to a successful relationship, I think sex is thrust upon us from all angles as important and let's face it anyone that's any good at it loves it but does it create the most successful relationships I don't know |
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I can't be much help I'm afraid, love just found me on fab by complete accident, not design. All I would say is be in the right place to accept love first. Know your self, be comfortable in your own skin and aim for someone who empowers you to be the best you (your vision of you, not theirs). Be with some who totally loves and accepts you for you, warts and all. Someone you feel totally secure with to be totally honest with (even when its uncomfortable) Likewise be with someone who you totally accept the same way back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ive come to the conclusion the us independent single women scare the beejezus out of men, men as a species want to be the ones in control and a woman who seemingly has her shit together means they cant 'control' us. "
I agree. I've been told I'm 'too much' a few times! |
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"Sex isn't everything I just said that lol "
Yes being compatible in other ways is the right direction to take and the longest but long term its the best one and from experience the only one for me.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't know if you need to forget your romantic notions OP. Keep those, they make you an incredibly likeable woman.
With regards to finding someone - ach. No cliches? I always thought you were giving romantic energy to the married man you've referenced a few times. Try and remain open and positive, it suits you far more.
As far as me finding someone? I genuinely don't know how it happened. I was the polar opposite of you, adamant I didn't want anything more, particularly from a self confirmed bachelor (). Sometimes I still can't believe someone puts up with me and my thousand questions. It happened though over time and with open and honest communication.
It'll happen for you, x"
Yes he was my biggest problem for a while sadly! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Since sex became easier to get, love became harder to find.
Been single 6 years now and quite frankly I've given up. Not that I wouldn't like to be in a relationship but I'm not prepared to settle for just anyone who shows an interest. "
I agree with this too but maybe that's the problem.. I rule all of them out ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ii am the most biggest pain in the ass at times, and i dont take no shit and im hard to break the shell
I have good intentions and a great if gold. i have met someone (from fab) early days but i get scared still and really insecure that will i be enough.
i still think at times are relationships worth it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ii am the most biggest pain in the ass at times, and i dont take no shit and im hard to break the shell
I have good intentions and a great if gold. i have met someone (from fab) early days but i get scared still and really insecure that will i be enough.
i still think at times are relationships worth it "
you have a great of gold can we melt it down for the cash? |
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I've started a response to this numerous times and deleted.
I think you just have to be open to commitment. I do think, and many might disagree with me, that being or having a FB or fwb actually hinders commitment elsewhere. I think it engenders a mind set that isn't conducive to long term commitment |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've started a response to this numerous times and deleted.
I think you just have to be open to commitment. I do think, and many might disagree with me, that being or having a FB or fwb actually hinders commitment elsewhere. I think it engenders a mind set that isn't conducive to long term commitment"
I think you're right on this . I was blinded for a long time by that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've started a response to this numerous times and deleted.
I think you just have to be open to commitment. I do think, and many might disagree with me, that being or having a FB or fwb actually hinders commitment elsewhere. I think it engenders a mind set that isn't conducive to long term commitment"
it does I agree especially if you like him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive come to the conclusion the us independent single women scare the beejezus out of men, men as a species want to be the ones in control and a woman who seemingly has her shit together means they cant 'control' us.
I agree. I've been told I'm 'too much' a few times!"
This is sad. I don't agree that 'men' are scared of strong women, only some of them. |
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