FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Not Always Feeling Safe in this Environment
Not Always Feeling Safe in this Environment
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"None of that should happen to anyone " No they shouldn’t. But they do, and very often. Yet we’re all rude as fuck for not replying to people and/or blocking them.  | |||
"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here "I would say they were men | |||
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"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here I would say they were men"would agree but in the interests of the PC police in here i suggested they may not all be!!!   | |||
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"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far. Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it. Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man? Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person: Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media. Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted. Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring. Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances. Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them. Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them. Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly. Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly. So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm. I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media. It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you. And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. " That is simply appalling. No one should have to put up with that. | |||
"I remember on an old account a man said he hoped I'd "die of fucking AIDS" because I wouldn't turn up in an hour to have sex with him " | |||
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"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here I would say they were men
would agree but in the interests of the PC police in here i suggested they may not all be!!! "I meant I wouldnt say they were men ( damn auto spel check) I mean in the wag that men should act like that there childish immature idiots and don't deserve to be called men . But yes I get what you mean about the PC police  | |||
Despite there being a sexual side to this site and meeting up, the laws about consent, harassment etc still stand. You should be free to feel safe just because you’ve admitted you quite like sex.
The sooner these crap Victorian morals fuck right off, the better | |||
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"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far. Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it. Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man? Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person: Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media. Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted. Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring. Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances. Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them. Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them. Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly. Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly. So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm. I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media. It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you. And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. " Ye I have had most of this on here as well including a guy who I gave a little bit too much info to and he came back with my bosses number and threated to call him and tell him unless I met him for sex. I brazened it out and he backed off and deleted his profile. I've learnt to keep my real life private and give no info out anymore. I got a lot of abuse this weekend for some reason I just block now and try to ignore it but when you get a lot it's hard. I also answer any message I get unless it's rude and crude but am seriously debating not in future because it's then you get the abuse if you say no thanks. They seem to think because I'm single and on here I'm a slut or a whore for them to use as they please I'm not and I'm fussy over who I meet. I know the crappy guys make it harder for the nice guys to get through and that's what at present I answer all messages but I don't know how long I will continue to. And I'm sure guys get grief too off women on here. So all we can do is keep looking and hope to find the decent ones who we can have fun with. | |||
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"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" ( assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here I would say they were men
would agree but in the interests of the PC police in here i suggested they may not all be!!! I meant I wouldnt say they were men ( damn auto spel check) I mean in the wag that men should act like that there childish immature idiots and don't deserve to be called men . But yes I get what you mean about the PC police "hence my "men" was in " " lol | |||
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"Whilst I deplore all of the disgusting vitriol that you have received is there a way that you can safeguard against it? By saying that I am not victim blaming here, I just wonder if there are ways that you can use the site, or manage selection criteria to reduce the level of abhorrent behaviour? Should you have to do this? No, no you shouldn't, everyone on this site or in this lifestyle should be treated with respect regardless of gender, persuasion or preference. But a sexually charged male ego is a chemical soup of aggression inducing hormones, when some men receive rejection the chemicals flood the system and create a Mr Hyde character, that doesn't make what they are doing acceptable (civilisation and the development of equality/empathy for the win!) but understanding the potential for this to happen will help in making decisions on using the site tools to mitigate this. " See my comment above starting block early block often. It cuts it down. | |||
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"I think blocking is my only option unless I leave the site. Even then, as detailed in my OP, sometimes that doesn't stop them. I've been advised in the past to change filters to stop single men messing me, but there have been some really lovely guys that I've spoken to on here and I would have missed out on that if I did. " If you block and set filters so newbies can’t message and only verified people can message you that might help. | |||
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"Unfortunately the guy was verified so doesn't always work." The flaw with verifications is that they might not be genuine. I've actually had people I've only briefly messaged with ask me to verify them. Which I've declined until I've met them in person, in some occasions this has been something else I've been insulted for. I'll add I will report anyone that does this as its jeopardising progress safety. | |||
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"Unfortunately the guy was verified so doesn't always work. The flaw with verifications is that they might not be genuine. I've actually had people I've only briefly messaged with ask me to verify them. Which I've declined until I've met them in person, in some occasions this has been something else I've been insulted for. I'll add I will report anyone that does this as its jeopardising progress safety. " Totally agree 
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"That was so horrible to read, I'm truely sorry op. Maybe you girls need a group where you can name and shame and share experiences. You should have total control on here who you meet, chat, engage with and its truely abhorrent guys feel entitled and brazen enough to threaten you. I hope the good chaps go some way into making it worthwhile. " Horrible to read yes, but unfortunately happens to an awful lot of women, myself included as a single. I got to the point where I met rarely and mainly went to clubs/parties instead where I felt safe. Also part of the reason I'm not fussed at all about meeting alone. I'd never forgive myself if I made a bad judgement call and met someone who was a wrongun, which caused us problems and led to the demise of our relationship. I just know I'd carry so much guilt if something bad happened and I'd be constantly blaming myself for not being more careful, even though I may not have been able to predict it or see it coming. P | |||
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"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" (p) assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here "This 
Don't be in such a rush to add folk you've barely chatted to on here to your contacts elsewhere... Here you are in control... You log on to check messages when YOU choose and reply when it's convenient for YOU. But once you add someone to your contacts on an app like kik, WhatsApp, etc., you are giving someone 24/7 access to you (as long as your phone is switched on), and you suddenly realise just how annoying it is to have guys waking you at 4am to show you the pic of their erection they've just proudly taken while watching German porn, or to have them texting to ask if you prefer anal to blowjobs while you're trying to load the weekly shopping into the car or just randomly announcing that they're horny while you're scrubbing dog poop off the wheels of a buggy or shoes....
Men think with their dicks... It never occurs to them that their dick isn't your top priority or concern at any given moment of the day or night... So restrict their access and retain your own control.
As for finding you on social media.. That's always a risk, particularly with public face pics, but it also happens if you choose to accept a friend request from a swinger on Book of the Face or similar... Chances are, they're already friends with others they've been chatting to on Fab, and these people suddenly see you appearing on his friend list, or your posts popping up in news feed because he's been commenting on your posts and photos, and now, hey presto.... 20 or 30 other swingers he friend requested previously suddenly recognise you from Fab and know your real name, where you live, where you socialise, who your friends and family are, and probably where you work... You see where I'm going with this? 
Yes, we all have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, and to choose who we want to communicate with. But there will be those who will not respect you. It's up to you how much of an opportunity you're going to give them to do so and how easy you're going to make it for them.
Your profile is in your control | |||
"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far. Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it. Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man? Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person: Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media. Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted. Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring. Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances. Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them. Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them. Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly. Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly. So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm. I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media. It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you. And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. " Wow. I had no idea blokes were being like this. That’s really brave of you to say how you’re feeling. Feel awful for you, that must be so tough. Keep your chin up. | |||
"None of that should happen to anyone No they shouldn’t. But they do, and very often. Yet we’re all rude as fuck for not replying to people and/or blocking them. "Well said | |||
"This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience. " I stay because although the worst of society stay on Fab, so do some of the best. | |||
"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" (p) assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here
This
Don't be in such a rush to add folk you've barely chatted to on here to your contacts elsewhere... Here you are in control... You log on to check messages when YOU choose and reply when it's convenient for YOU. But once you add someone to your contacts on an app like kik, WhatsApp, etc., you are giving someone 24/7 access to you (as long as your phone is switched on), and you suddenly realise just how annoying it is to have guys waking you at 4am to show you the pic of their erection they've just proudly taken while watching German porn, or to have them texting to ask if you prefer anal to blowjobs while you're trying to load the weekly shopping into the car or just randomly announcing that they're horny while you're scrubbing dog poop off the wheels of a buggy or shoes....
Men think with their dicks... It never occurs to them that their dick isn't your top priority or concern at any given moment of the day or night... So restrict their access and retain your own control.
As for finding you on social media.. That's always a risk, particularly with public face pics, but it also happens if you choose to accept a friend request from a swinger on Book of the Face or similar... Chances are, they're already friends with others they've been chatting to on Fab, and these people suddenly see you appearing on his friend list, or your posts popping up in news feed because he's been commenting on your posts and photos, and now, hey presto.... 20 or 30 other swingers he friend requested previously suddenly recognise you from Fab and know your real name, where you live, where you socialise, who your friends and family are, and probably where you work... You see where I'm going with this?
Yes, we all have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, and to choose who we want to communicate with. But there will be those who will not respect you. It's up to you how much of an opportunity you're going to give them to do so and how easy you're going to make it for them.
Your profile is in your control "Great advice | |||
"This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience. " It's not the site. It's everywhere. | |||
"sorry to hear that yet another single female is being subjected to abuse etc from so called "Men" (p) assuming most of this is by men) sadly there is no real answer apart from liberal use of the block button, stick solely to messaging on here never KIK, Whatsapp etc, and if someone makes another account to get around the bloc report BOTH accounts its against fab rules! keep your wits about you and you WILL have a good time on here
This
Don't be in such a rush to add folk you've barely chatted to on here to your contacts elsewhere... Here you are in control... You log on to check messages when YOU choose and reply when it's convenient for YOU. But once you add someone to your contacts on an app like kik, WhatsApp, etc., you are giving someone 24/7 access to you (as long as your phone is switched on), and you suddenly realise just how annoying it is to have guys waking you at 4am to show you the pic of their erection they've just proudly taken while watching German porn, or to have them texting to ask if you prefer anal to blowjobs while you're trying to load the weekly shopping into the car or just randomly announcing that they're horny while you're scrubbing dog poop off the wheels of a buggy or shoes....
Men think with their dicks... It never occurs to them that their dick isn't your top priority or concern at any given moment of the day or night... So restrict their access and retain your own control.
As for finding you on social media.. That's always a risk, particularly with public face pics, but it also happens if you choose to accept a friend request from a swinger on Book of the Face or similar... Chances are, they're already friends with others they've been chatting to on Fab, and these people suddenly see you appearing on his friend list, or your posts popping up in news feed because he's been commenting on your posts and photos, and now, hey presto.... 20 or 30 other swingers he friend requested previously suddenly recognise you from Fab and know your real name, where you live, where you socialise, who your friends and family are, and probably where you work... You see where I'm going with this?
Yes, we all have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, and to choose who we want to communicate with. But there will be those who will not respect you. It's up to you how much of an opportunity you're going to give them to do so and how easy you're going to make it for them.
Your profile is in your control " good advice. It works for me too. | |||
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I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy! | |||
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"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy! "excuse my naivety here but hows that even possible?  | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy! "I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy. | |||
"Not all men are like this" Nobody said they were... | |||
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"Go to the police for assault" Yes. I've heard they are good at that. | |||
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"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy. "again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible?? | |||
"Go to the police for assault Yes. I've heard they are good at that." | |||
"Not all men are like this" I agree. It makes the bar very low for decent men! | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??"I have no idea to be honest. I was taken aback by it. Baffled | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??"I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number. | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??
I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number. "indeed it can I never five out my number either though | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??
I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number. "Only if you give social media your number... FB has no reason to need my mobile number so I have never given it. | |||
"Not all men are like this I agree. It makes the bar very low for decent men! " It does indeed, which is another issue I think. If all that is required to be considered 'decent' is to not treat a person as your property or as something that you're entitled to treat or touch as you please, then that just encourages those that operate with minimum human decency to continue. To add to the chorus of disapproval seems a little odd to me, having to condemn behaviour that should never happen makes me very very sad. Tea | |||
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"One of the reasons I don't speak much to new (to me) ladies on here. They are rightfully suspicious. From the ladies I do chat to I hear many horror stories, amounting to scary, and frankly criminal, behaviour. Very little, if any, gets reported because of nature of the site & related meets. Sad reflection on human nature.." I think the nature of the site makes people feel less like they will come forward with making any official reports... I know given my job it would take a lot for me to report anything that happened to me linked to this site, and I also am aware how unlikely it is anything would even come of it. And I think that the vile people out there know that too and feel more confident they can get away with it. Also, I've reported some very concerning behaviour on here by a certain member, to admin, and they're still on, so I worry that people feel free to harass knowing nothing will happen to them other than a block. | |||
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"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy. "Do you have your pics from fab on other social media sites? A search of your pic can sometimes bring up hits in other areas, if you do. This happened to me. Now my pics are exclusive to fab. I'm sorry to hear you have had such abusive and sometimes threatening messages/experiences I'm also glad it hasn't jaded you into thinking that it is all men. It can be a scary place sometimes. Remember the block button is your friend. Be brutal. If they set up another profile to hound you, report and block that too. Nobody has the right to speak to you like that and there be no consequences. Good luck OP
Holly | |||
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"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite. Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity " Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it? | |||
"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite. Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it? " You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut | |||
"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite. Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it? You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut " I'm using the forum to discuss a thread. Discussing the blocking is the thing that's not allowed. Which is not what I was doing. Thank you. I was observing after the OP and others discussed being treated horrifically and criminally, you had to bring it around to woe is you. Sometimes other people suffer too. | |||
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"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite. Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it? You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut I'm using the forum to discuss a thread. Discussing the blocking is the thing that's not allowed. Which is not what I was doing. Thank you. I was observing after the OP and others discussed being treated horrifically and criminally, you had to bring it around to woe is you. Sometimes other people suffer too. " I don’t want to discuss the blocking - I’m pointing out the irony. I sympathised with the OP | |||
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"Not nice to be responded to in this way OP However, this is a very harsh environment for single men who are treated like dirt on here even if polite. Rejection and blocking is the default and that’s a pity Goodness, it's all about you, isn't it? You’re not using the forum to contact me after blocking are you? Tut tut I'm using the forum to discuss a thread. Discussing the blocking is the thing that's not allowed. Which is not what I was doing. Thank you. I was observing after the OP and others discussed being treated horrifically and criminally, you had to bring it around to woe is you. Sometimes other people suffer too. " I read his post very differently to you. | |||
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"This has made me question whether I want to be on fab anymore. I like to think I'm one of the more respectful none pushy types, I try and keep stuff humourous at least until there's a form of connection but I'm not sure o want to associated with this place if this is such a common experience. It's not the site. It's everywhere." | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
Do you have your pics from fab on other social media sites? A search of your pic can sometimes bring up hits in other areas, if you do. This happened to me. Now my pics are exclusive to fab. I'm sorry to hear you have had such abusive and sometimes threatening messages/experiences I'm also glad it hasn't jaded you into thinking that it is all men. It can be a scary place sometimes. Remember the block button is your friend. Be brutal. If they set up another profile to hound you, report and block that too. Nobody has the right to speak to you like that and there be no consequences. Good luck OP
Holly "Oh I dont think.so om not sure my pictures are appropriate for the likes of facebook lol. Oh you get nutters everywhere it's to be expected why let ot bother you right | |||
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"It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority. " I get what you are saying but I also think this idea that it's all part and parcel of being a woman on here is also part of the issue that a lot of people don't really think about. I've had men tell me, when I've complained about the things in my OP, that I should take it as a compliment, or it's to be expected because I'm attractive and such. But that's not really good enough, it's like society excusing these men for entitled behaviour, like they can't control themselves because they're frustrated or horny or they've been rejected so much. | |||
"It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority. I get what you are saying but I also think this idea that it's all part and parcel of being a woman on here is also part of the issue that a lot of people don't really think about. I've had men tell me, when I've complained about the things in my OP, that I should take it as a compliment, or it's to be expected because I'm attractive and such. But that's not really good enough, it's like society excusing these men for entitled behaviour, like they can't control themselves because they're frustrated or horny or they've been rejected so much." Yes. The idea that men are just expected to be aggressive, intimidating, and violent when they don't get what they want, and women are just expected to cope with it, is disgusting. How about having a wank and managing your feelings like an adult? | |||
"It comes with the territory when men are sexually frustrated and women being the prize and, in the minority. I get what you are saying but I also think this idea that it's all part and parcel of being a woman on here is also part of the issue that a lot of people don't really think about. I've had men tell me, when I've complained about the things in my OP, that I should take it as a compliment, or it's to be expected because I'm attractive and such. But that's not really good enough, it's like society excusing these men for entitled behaviour, like they can't control themselves because they're frustrated or horny or they've been rejected so much." I understand, I’m not in any way saying that their behaviour should be excused. I get the same pushy guys in my messages, being bi and non sub makes them more of an irritant than a worry though. There are nice people here, don’t allow the ar*eholes to ruin your experience. | |||
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"Sorry you're experiencing this. I've been on here over two years, get hundreds of messages a week and very rarely get abuse (maybe 10 times in 2 years?) I close messages down early if I'm not interested. I don't get into chat or debate. If I'm not interested that's it, done. If they've put effort into a message I reply with a thanks but not for me. Its it's a "fuck now" message I just delete. Done. I don't have sexual conversations with randoms. I do have socials. On the rare occasion someone is abusive/offering cash I report. If someone was threatening me with physical violence I'd report to the police. I don't do kik etc , I only communicate on here. Very very rarely do I give out a tel no. Made the mistake early on of giving out identifying personal info (nowt major), learnt my lesson from that. I don't Fab d*unk or expect to find anything viable in messages sent once the pubs shut or at 3am. All of the above work for me. Hope your experience of Fab improves. " | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??
I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number.
Only if you give social media your number...
FB has no reason to need my mobile number so I have never given it. "Same here | |||
"Lot of nasty people in the world. OP you have only been on the site 3 weeks, from what you have said, it seems to me that you need to be aware of your online safety, don't give out your number, requests to join WhatsApp and other apps to chat more easily gives out your number, if you want to do that or speak to them, get a cheap burner phone or sim card, or both, create a independent email that's not linked to anything else. In form the police about any text you have received as the can trace the number. How did they find your social media information? You need to become invisible to anyone searching you on here. If you do meet someone being a woman, make it on your terms, I would arrive 1hr early case the area even if you know it well, way up which direction they are most likely to come from, find a place and watch people carefully. If it doesn't go well leave, even if they don't turn up and your driving,do some random turns in fact do several rights and lefts make sure you are not being followed, because he might not be the person in his profile, he could have turned up and is watching you. I know someone that this happened to. Scary I know. Buts it's very rear just be prepared that's all. Take care and stay safe " Thank you for the advice. However I have done all those things. I keep my communication on here and I don't use Kik or anything like that. I have given my Kik out on the past and it was a nightmare (I was on here before) and I have my number out once to someone I didn't really know and regretted it after they harassed me for a year. Sadly, due to my job and being poly still being judged, I didn't feel able to report it. Most of the harassment I recieve from Fab remains on here but there was the person who found me on other things and I've no idea how. | |||
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"I'd like to share with you the more unpleasant side of this scene, that I've experienced so far. Now, I can only speak as a woman, I won't suggested women don't do these things too, but I can't comment on that because I've no experience of it. Do you know what often happens to me when I reject the advances of a man? Here are some of the reactions I've experienced from men I just wasn't interested in, both here and in person: Harassment - spam messages, calls, texts and following me on other social media. Threats - to harm me, often threats to sexually assault me and saying they hope I get sexually assaulted. Told I'm boring - because obviously not wanting to fuck everyone in the inbox makes me boring. Told I'm rude - because they felt entitled to my response and I, for whatever reason, didn't respond to their advances. Debates - guys will argue with me about why I should fancy them or get to know them. Accusations of being a fake profile or catfish - the assumption is that if I am not interested in talking to them I'm not interested in taking to anyone. Actually, I talk to lots of people, I just wasnt intetested in them. Insults - I mean, they go from saying I'm stunning to calling me a fat ugly bitch so quickly. Assault - I've told men no in person before and they'll still put their hands on my body, forcibly. So, it's upsetting and frightening sometimes. I get anxiety about it. The thing is, I don't feel safe to say I'm not interested anymore. I don't. I just try to escape the situation: not reply to the messages or read them, not engage in the conversation, make my body language closed and obvious I'm uncomfortable. Because I'm scared that when I say no I'm putting myself at risk or harassment or harm. I've felt it is OK before, because I can block people, but a few times now I've blocked people and they make other accounts or find me on other social media. It's not right. It's not fair. Please please guys, stop it. Don't scare women, don't try to intimidate them or make them feel they're bad people for not wanting you. And, to those many of you men here who DON'T do these awful things: Thank you. You restore my faith and please, if you see anyone do this, please think about calling them out. Let's not let people keep thinking this is acceptable. " To be honest I hear this same story over and over again from the women in my life. This is not isolated or unusual, its accruing way to much, out side of fab too. We can't put our fingers in our ears anymore and make excuses or pretend this doesn't happen. (Just to head this one off in advance) yes there are some shit bag women out there (I've encountered some my self) but our experience as men is not the same, or anywhere near. I hate to say this and for many years I'd gone all ostrich on it, but we have a problem with men in this society. Not all men Cleary but this story is repeating too many times to ignore that we as men in general have a big problem. Many of us have children. We don't want our daughters to grow up with this shit, we don't want our sons to be that guy. I think it's time that we of all genders start to take action and lead by example to stop this shit. Because our children are watching and we need to take leadership and set an example to them. | |||
"Oh that's awful!
I never give out social media information on here one still managed to find me my full name it's so creepy!
I never give out my other social media info, or name, but I've been found. It's very creepy.
again excuse my naivety here but how is that even possible??
I believe social media can by linked with your mobile phone number.
Only if you give social media your number...
FB has no reason to need my mobile number so I have never given it. "I know, but not everyone knows the settings can be changed. | |||
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"It’s shocking what some people have to put up with on here....to often you here “this is a sex site”.....yes it is but that doesn’t mean respect and politeness just disappears, you wouldn’t abuse someone in normal day to day life outside of fab for not being interested, or not want to chat with you? You would be punched in the face...or ( even arrested ) after some of he threats I’ve heard women get on here x " "This is a sex site"... And I don't have sex with people who don't make me feel safe and comfortable. | |||
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"I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life." I'd say Fab has been worse and more intense for me, but yes, it is also an indignity I've had to suffer because I'm female. | |||
"I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life. I'd say Fab has been worse and more intense for me, but yes, it is also an indignity I've had to suffer because I'm female. " Sometimes I wish I was a man. Just to escape the unwanted attention. | |||
"I hear you, OP. I've had the same - on and off fab. Pretty much all my life. I'd say Fab has been worse and more intense for me, but yes, it is also an indignity I've had to suffer because I'm female. Sometimes I wish I was a man. Just to escape the unwanted attention." God yes. It's exhausting. I got shit to do! | |||
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"We've all experienced bad behaviour, does not make it right, but the anonymity the site allows the user facilitates the bad behaviour. Block and keep moving. You can't stop it, you can change how you react to it. I once had a message from a disgruntled article saying he hoped I would die screaming in a crashed fiat My response "highly unlikely, because I drive a Skoda" Petulance will be met with sarcasm. " Was he talking about a modern Fiat or something like a 126? | |||
"We've all experienced bad behaviour, does not make it right, but the anonymity the site allows the user facilitates the bad behaviour. Block and keep moving. You can't stop it, you can change how you react to it. I once had a message from a disgruntled article saying he hoped I would die screaming in a crashed fiat My response "highly unlikely, because I drive a Skoda" Petulance will be met with sarcasm. Was he talking about a modern Fiat or something like a 126? "Oh? Should of asked! If it was Abarth model then gutted tbf | |||
