FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A new approach
A new approach
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
This is a first for me, being in a "swinging" couple. Already I've noticed my outlook and approach to finding potential playmates is completely different. Has anyone else experienced this?
What advice would you give to a couple who are transitioning from being two singles in the scene?
Thanks, Dotty x |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"This is a first for me, being in a "swinging" couple. Already I've noticed my outlook and approach to finding potential playmates is completely different. Has anyone else experienced this?
What advice would you give to a couple who are transitioning from being two singles in the scene?
Thanks, Dotty x"
In what way has your outlook and approach differed? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be clear about what you both want. There may be things that one of you will never do, make sure that’s communicated.
Don’t rush, take your time to find what you want. It’s more difficult for 4 people to all find each other attractive than two singles. |
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I believe I'm stuck in transition so following this post for tips.
I will add that we talk constantly about everything no matter how small, Or irrelevant talking and listening is vital.
Great Post OP.
Jo.Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Transitioning from the scene to being exclusive or to being in a couple that swings?
Communication, patience and grace - my tips."
Eventually we'd like to be a couple who swings. It's not something we're in a rush to do but it is something that turns us on. |
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I know bugger all...but here is my ten penth worth.
Men usually have the biggest issues in this situation.
Couples first, where the guy wants her to enjoy herself, are common.
But a single guy on here has never shared.
Some still have ownership issues.
So just talk through what you both want and then take small steps and keep checking back.
Talk loads and always be open and honest. |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is a first for me, being in a "swinging" couple. Already I've noticed my outlook and approach to finding potential playmates is completely different. Has anyone else experienced this?
What advice would you give to a couple who are transitioning from being two singles in the scene?
Thanks, Dotty x
In what way has your outlook and approach differed?"
Well when I was single I'd be looking for more of an emotional or intimate connection, I don't feel like I want or need that now because I have Tea, my criteria for potential playmates has become more physical I think. Obviously we still need to like them as a person. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We are in this situation. We are still figuring it all out but we talk about it a lot, communication is key.
"
It's definitely important. I think discussing what we don't want is as important if not more than what what we do.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I know bugger all...but here is my ten penth worth.
Men usually have the biggest issues in this situation.
Couples first, where the guy wants her to enjoy herself, are common.
But a single guy on here has never shared.
Some still have ownership issues.
So just talk through what you both want and then take small steps and keep checking back.
Talk loads and always be open and honest. "
Luckily he's the more experienced one 
Dotty x |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
I’d recommend talking through your baggage. We all have “already listening ears” - ways of interpreting things from previous relationships or close bonded others that are filters for how we hear all new things being said. If our partner can’t help spot when we are filtering or understand how that’s happening for us as we explain then communication can break down. Baggage is not just the problematic stuff but it’s the things that we like and feel uplifted by too. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I’d recommend talking through your baggage. We all have “already listening ears” - ways of interpreting things from previous relationships or close bonded others that are filters for how we hear all new things being said. If our partner can’t help spot when we are filtering or understand how that’s happening for us as we explain then communication can break down. Baggage is not just the problematic stuff but it’s the things that we like and feel uplifted by too. "
Shame Tea isn’t a talker, eh?!
I jest.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA"
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’d recommend talking through your baggage. We all have “already listening ears” - ways of interpreting things from previous relationships or close bonded others that are filters for how we hear all new things being said. If our partner can’t help spot when we are filtering or understand how that’s happening for us as we explain then communication can break down. Baggage is not just the problematic stuff but it’s the things that we like and feel uplifted by too.
Shame Tea isn’t a talker, eh?!
I jest. "
Yes. He's just a wee quiet thing 
Dotty x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's lovely that you have met and are together through fab or the swing scene.
Your both adults asking advise about transition from single to cpl, and how your going to carry on as cpl now, Really you can't figure it out. And I thought I was f**ked up |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club? "
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
"It's lovely that you have met and are together through fab or the swing scene.
Your both adults asking advise about transition from single to cpl, and how your going to carry on as cpl now, Really you can't figure it out. And I thought I was f**ked up"
She wasn't saying she couldn't figure it out. She was simply asking for other people's experiences! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's lovely that you have met and are together through fab or the swing scene.
Your both adults asking advise about transition from single to cpl, and how your going to carry on as cpl now, Really you can't figure it out. And I thought I was f**ked up"
You're probably right. With the last sentence that is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's lovely that you have met and are together through fab or the swing scene.
Your both adults asking advise about transition from single to cpl, and how your going to carry on as cpl now, Really you can't figure it out. And I thought I was f**ked up"
I think you misread my original post. I think you also missed the fact that forums are a place for discuss which is in fact what I asked for, experiences and advice. I never asked for anyone to get involved in my relationship nor do I have any doubt we will figure it out.
But I do agree you probably did just fuck up.
Dotty x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's lovely that you have met and are together through fab or the swing scene.
Your both adults asking advise about transition from single to cpl, and how your going to carry on as cpl now, Really you can't figure it out. And I thought I was f**ked up"
Yes, you're right; you are.
It was a simple question asking for experiences and how others have approached things.
Of course I'm sure you've never asked for advice or opinions from anyone in your life...
Tea |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club?
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with"
I see what you mean. Discussions in private are open and honest and there is no pressure whereas in a club there could be a sense of urgency or it might present something you hadn't previously discussed.
I absolutely agree with the last part. I think it's probably the most important thing.
Dotty x |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club?
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with
I see what you mean. Discussions in private are open and honest and there is no pressure whereas in a club there could be a sense of urgency or it might present something you hadn't previously discussed.
I absolutely agree with the last part. I think it's probably the most important thing.
Dotty x"
We did at one point have a code word for people we found attractive |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club?
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with
I see what you mean. Discussions in private are open and honest and there is no pressure whereas in a club there could be a sense of urgency or it might present something you hadn't previously discussed.
I absolutely agree with the last part. I think it's probably the most important thing.
Dotty x
We did at one point have a code word for people we found attractive "
You'll have to tell us it!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow body shape insults and judgements and to think you were all against that in another thread wow hypothetic jumps out of the screen pmsl "
Hypothetic? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's lovely that you have met and are together through fab or the swing scene.
Your both adults asking advise about transition from single to cpl, and how your going to carry on as cpl now, Really you can't figure it out. And I thought I was f**ked up"
What a rude response. It’s a completely different dynamic and experience being in the scene as a single than as a couple. The OP asked a pretty reasonable question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club?
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with
I see what you mean. Discussions in private are open and honest and there is no pressure whereas in a club there could be a sense of urgency or it might present something you hadn't previously discussed.
I absolutely agree with the last part. I think it's probably the most important thing.
Dotty x
We did at one point have a code word for people we found attractive "
I’m not a couple on here (obvs!) but in my limited experience of trying to find another couple who I and partner (at the time) both found attractive was the difficult part, mainly on my side.
Our code word was really easy - “OMG I’ve found a FIT man, we have a code FIT....!!”” |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wow body shape insults and judgements and to think you were all against that in another thread wow hypothetic jumps out of the screen pmsl "
I didn't see any of that but you take from it what you will.
Can we get back to the OP now?
Ta!
Tea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wow body shape insults and judgements and to think you were all against that in another thread wow hypothetic jumps out of the screen pmsl
Calm down, and chillax "
Totally relaxed, I think it's you that needs to chill
And that hit a nerve didn't it the speed of your response at being hypocrite.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow body shape insults and judgements and to think you were all against that in another thread wow hypothetic jumps out of the screen pmsl
Where? "
I’m still looking too. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Wow body shape insults and judgements and to think you were all against that in another thread wow hypothetic jumps out of the screen pmsl
Calm down, and chillax
Totally relaxed, I think it's you that needs to chill
And that hit a nerve didn't it the speed of your response at being hypocrite.
"
Not at all. You make me laugh.
Glad you’re not talking about the hypothetical again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Transitioning from the scene to being exclusive or to being in a couple that swings?
Communication, patience and grace - my tips.
And tea, lots of tea.. "
I think that's covered...
Tea |
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Yes, but that's a natural and logical result is it not? My focus has completely changed since being in a relationship. But that's kind of what I would have expected anyway, maybe especially in terms of the formats of relations. The focus now is our play as a couple, predominantly with other couple. Also clearly you'd be wary of anyone who would find complication with you being in a committed relationship. Because however rational we like to think we are, we are also all human and with some people things can still get messy. So yes it's changed to a certain extent what I/we're looking. For example I know when it comes to couples the strength and security in their relationship is a hugely attractive feature.
As to what advise, in my mind (No expert, still finding my feet too) the main thing is (as others have said) honest and clear communication. I have no doubt you have that. I know for us it's just taking things slowly and doing what feels right at the time, our relationship is number and there is no rush. Seriously no rush, our relationship is out of this world, anything else is just gravy. I think once you have sound foundations it's probably a bit of an evolution things and goal posts and preferences may change over time. I'm sure this is the case for many swinging couples who have been at it for years. So I'd say a change in preferences is normal and don't be surprised if they continue to change over time as your grow together. Of course I could be wrong, this going from single to swinging relationship is new to me too. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Oooo! I get to give advice to Dotty and Tea like the sage young woman I am. Get in there.
I think it's really important to have a solid foundation before you start anything - air out your shit with each other, communicate any worries however daft and explore what you're doing through communication. Any anxiety/jealousy issues can be magnified with bringing others in to your relationship (even if as casual sex partners) so try and get them sorted first. That's not to say they won't occur during it, they still can.
Willingness to listen is important. Truly listen to what the other is saying; even if it is a yeah sure go ahead it might not actually be that.
I'd agree with the patience thing.
Being openminded to nth degree is useful.
Talk the fuck out of it you two and don't rush.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks guys.
We know the importance of communicating, we have discussed what we definitely don't want, what we do and things that we might be open to and the reasons for all of those.
So far our ideals match but we do know that might not always be the case.
The question actually came up because we were discussing our empty hotlist and we got chatting about the people we had on them when we were single and why we don't have them now. For me the attraction I have for people is different now because the level of intimacy I want isn't so intense, the friendship part isn't as important as it once was and we were musing over the difference and how we do need to work out our new criteria. |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club?
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with"
We have rules? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We are in this situation. We are still figuring it all out but we talk about it a lot, communication is key.
It's definitely important. I think discussing what we don't want is as important if not more than what what we do.
"
Yes definitely that's where we started and worked from there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How has your approach changed?
I think mine did in that in the first instance I wasn't too bothered about finding others to join us as I was just enjoying what I had. Then I think we went through a stage where we communicated lots about what we both did and didn't want in terms of playing with others. What we've found in reality is that a four way attraction is difficult to come across and as we live far apart and seeing each other can be infrequent it becomes even harder to factor in meeting another couple. We've probably become more relaxed about the fact it's not easy to find and make the most of our trips to our favourite club VA
That sounds similar to us, we live hundreds of miles apart so arranging to spend time with each other is hard enough!
We are looking to meet singles too so hopefully it won't be as hard to click with just one. We have discussed clubs and I think it might be the best route for us.
Do you find that your rules are harder to stick to in a club?
We are also looking to meet singles too but started off just looking to meet couples. I think the hardest thing is often the logistics for us as we don't live together and a meet with others may take some time to set up which doesn't always suit.
I wouldn't say the rules are harder to stick to in a club but I've found it harder to communicate when in a situation in a club and sometimes we've even missed opportunities as we weren't 100% sure what the other was thinking. I'd rather it be this way round then him or I end up in a situation one of us isn't comfortable with
We have rules? "
Just one. Do as Miss.Red tells you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Don't go for what one of you wants mix it up a bit so you both get gratification . Good luck "
I don't think either of us would want that, luckily we both want the same things! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We are just taking are time and mainly just enjoying the social side of swinging at the moment.
Its working for us both right now but will keep talking and checking in with eachother and see how things progress. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The thing I've found the hardest are the feelings I absolutely wasn't expecting.
I thought I'd be totally cool with almost everything the lifestyle had to offer.
My head say yes - my insideys say FUCK NO!
I feel the reasoning is the distance and lack of time together.
Then there's the point I am finding myself struggling to trust other people (women) that I don't know (and some that I do)
What you think you want and what you are comfortable with could be totally different.
Once something is done, it can't be undone. That frightens me I can't deny it.
Communicate, I probably overshare, and my mind and opinion change like the wind so it must be pretty confusing for B, but we can only go on what we feel at the time.
Miss.Red pretty much has it nailed as to everything else I can think of.
P
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The thing I've found the hardest are the feelings I absolutely wasn't expecting.
I thought I'd be totally cool with almost everything the lifestyle had to offer.
My head say yes - my insideys say FUCK NO!
I feel the reasoning is the distance and lack of time together.
Then there's the point I am finding myself struggling to trust other people (women) that I don't know (and some that I do)
What you think you want and what you are comfortable with could be totally different.
Once something is done, it can't be undone. That frightens me I can't deny it.
Communicate, I probably overshare, and my mind and opinion change like the wind so it must be pretty confusing for B, but we can only go on what we feel at the time.
Miss.Red pretty much has it nailed as to everything else I can think of.
P
"
That does worry me too. Tea has done this before but the whole thing is completely new to me and I don't know how I will feel, I know the idea turns me on but I am prepared for the possibility that reality won't live up.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Wow body shape insults and judgements and to think you were all against that in another thread wow hypothetic jumps out of the screen pmsl
Calm down, and chillax
Totally relaxed, I think it's you that needs to chill
And that hit a nerve didn't it the speed of your response at being hypocrite.
Not at all. You make me laugh.
Glad you’re not talking about the hypothetical again. "
He was right though,if people body shame one person while objecting to it for others then it is hypocritical. I am sure the typo wasn't intentional and most people would know that .
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Back to the OP.
If he wants to come and fling insults with me, the lovely chap can come to the grumpy thread, rather than ruin Dotty’s.
Sorry, D.
"
Or not....keep the insults away from the forum, as you were the first to insult then it was you who sent the thread a different way
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
To the OP , contrary to one comment we all need advice now and then no matter what subject it is or how old we are.
You have had some great advice on this thread, for us communication and honesty was the key.Good luck and I hope you have many fun times ahead |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To the OP , contrary to one comment we all need advice now and then no matter what subject it is or how old we are.
You have had some great advice on this thread, for us communication and honesty was the key.Good luck and I hope you have many fun times ahead"
Thanks Ruggers, that seems to be the running theme of responses from this thread.
Thanks to everyone who responded, it's nice to get the helpful insight.
Tea |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Can't really add to the excellent advice already offered OP however one suggestion that might help you both focus your minds on what you really want from this - both independently write lists of what you'd like to get from swinging or even just life as a couple, as well as what you don't want, and also boundaries you think should be in place - once done get together and compare notes, and there you find your common ground.
Can be as detailed or extensive as you like. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Can't really add to the excellent advice already offered OP however one suggestion that might help you both focus your minds on what you really want from this - both independently write lists of what you'd like to get from swinging or even just life as a couple, as well as what you don't want, and also boundaries you think should be in place - once done get together and compare notes, and there you find your common ground.
Can be as detailed or extensive as you like."
I love that idea! |
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