FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The minority of horrible nasty men spoil it for the genuine ones on here!
The minority of horrible nasty men spoil it for the genuine ones on here!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
Difficult I know, but don't let aresholes like that taint your opinion of all guys on here. Some of us are actually quite nice, and i apologise for people like him on behalf of the Male population who actually know how to treat women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
Why didn't you block him? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
If you’re not interested. Delete and block straight away. So much easier and you don’t get all that crap either  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The abuse you can get on here is shit, it's unnecessary and simply vile in most cases. But I don't think it ruins the site for the nice guys, if anything, I think it helps them stand out  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The abuse you can get on here is shit, it's unnecessary and simply vile in most cases. But I don't think it ruins the site for the nice guys, if anything, I think it helps them stand out "
Great minds....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Abusive messages are awful.
However; the absolute knobends do not ruin it for the ‘genuine’ men at all.
The only people they ruin it for is themselves.
Report and block his messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The abuse you can get on here is shit, it's unnecessary and simply vile in most cases. But I don't think it ruins the site for the nice guys, if anything, I think it helps them stand out
Great minds.... "
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I’ve yet to see the ‘abusive message’ tactic to work when trying to chat someone up!
I’ll stick with the I am what I am. I’m no hunk, no Adonis and I’m not every woman’s cup of tea, but not every woman is mine either.
Don’t let him get to you, he obviously leads a very shallow selfish life. |
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
OP you want to know What Ive worked out over time being on here?
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
Well done OP I used to try and respond but honest I found the best way was to search myself! I tend to delete then block (I hate this method ) but I got vile responses to my no thankyou but best of luck |
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Whilst I am sorry for the bad experience you have had with random guy #12 it in no way reflects upon me.
In fact it just reinforces the message that many men on here are arseholes... Delete, block, move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through. "
True but a lot a really lovely women have left the site, because they can’t stand the abuse and negativity that is so frequently hurled their way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly it's disgusting and a real shame because I think it does ruin it for the nice guys.
I would like to say I'd never give a woman any abuse whether she said no or just simply didn't reply.. It's all about treating someone with respect x |
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through.
True but a lot a really lovely women have left the site, because they can’t stand the abuse and negativity that is so frequently hurled their way."
Indeed. It can be draining. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly it's disgusting and a real shame because I think it does ruin it for the nice guys.
I would like to say I'd never give a woman any abuse whether she said no or just simply didn't reply.. It's all about treating someone with respect x "
It doesn’t ruin it for any other men, unless they’re the ones receiving abuse. They’re spoiling it for themselves, they’ll get nowhere with an awful attitude.
It makes the ‘nice’ guys look even better |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Maybes should of rephrased the topic it ‘could’ give some men a bad name..
By no means am I saying that all men are the same on here because I’m not, I’ve spoken to and met with some of the nicest men I’ve ever met it’s just the minority that could spoil it for others..
I didn’t block him straight away as he hadn’t actually done anything wrong I just simply wasn’t interested, maybes that method can come into use to avoid this happening again |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through.
True but a lot a really lovely women have left the site, because they can’t stand the abuse and negativity that is so frequently hurled their way."
This is so true and it shouldn’t be like that at all! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This happens to me on so many occasions, and I often just block straight away, but there have been a few times where the messages have been so bad that I just couldn’t not say anything. I try not to let it get to me, and usually I rise above it, but sometimes I do dwell on things that have been said. |
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I really think that single guys should not be allowed to message first... But that would put the onus on couples/single women to message first.....perhaps if a single guy was winked at that could open the door so to speak.
But the reality is, that won't happen as a blanket for the site, but can be done by using the sites messaging preferences..
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
No one ruins my experience of the site or spoils my chances of meeting apart from me, and that actually applies to all other users too - all too often the "bad guys spoiling it for other men" line is rolled out as something to blame for a lack of "success" on here.
That said Doc is right, when people are driven away from the site because of the actions of others, then those people's experience has been spoiled by it - but it doesn't spoil it in the sense of not getting meets - that's down to the individual.
There is of course no excuse for abusive behaviour and messages, and they should be reported and blocked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't get where he thought giving you abuse would get him as its not like your gonna think ok maybe I will give him a chance. I know full well I'm not gonna get a reply from everyone but the last thing I would ever do is abuse anyone sometimes it's worse than a playground on here lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This happens to me on so many occasions, and I often just block straight away, but there have been a few times where the messages have been so bad that I just couldn’t not say anything. I try not to let it get to me, and usually I rise above it, but sometimes I do dwell on things that have been said."
I quite often just let things go over my head but the harshness in the message was just downright rude! I had to say something before I blocked and reported! |
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I think if you go through a patch where message after message is ignorant and uninspiring at best (single word mails, not reading profile, cut and paste etc), or vile and deeply unpleasant at worst it can make you feel rather jaded and possibly prone to mass deleting messages because you simply can't be arsed to potentially expose yourself to any more of the same old shite. In that respect, I guess it's possible you could miss out on something from someone normal so you could argue the nasty profiles have 'spoiled' it for the nicer ones in that particular instance.
That scenario aside though, the plethora of people who make little effort and/or who are otherwise objectionable do indeed make the better profiles and messages stand out |
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The only way it might change experience for guys is, I'm less open and trusting, more ruthless, and less likely to try to explain myself. I live and die by delete without reply means no thank you because the douchenozzles made replying not worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The site gives us tools to choose how much communication we receive.
I've often seen a few ladies say they've never received abuse or grief from any guy.
What are they doing differently?
My guess is they simply filter everyone out and only contact those who interest them. |
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By *herieWoman
over a year ago
The Burbs |
"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
When I first joined I had more than a few of experiences like that. One which nearly had me in tears..but I've sinced toughened up thank feck lol Some...I repeat some guys can be extremely nasty with comments, replies and just one liner first messages. They can't seem to handle rejection probably. I've been very lucky with the small few meets I've had on here. So thanks so much to those lovely genuine guys again xxxx In turn women can be as abusive too, just to get that out there! |
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"The site gives us tools to choose how much communication we receive.
I've often seen a few ladies say they've never received abuse or grief from any guy.
What are they doing differently?
My guess is they simply filter everyone out and only contact those who interest them. "
I've played with my filters and have them where it suits me best. I'm not saying you're saying it, but it always comes up. Did you know filters exist?
Yes. But why should I have to diminish my experience rather than people not being horrible? |
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By *lyreelMan
over a year ago
King's lynn |
Bombarded with mail.... why? Just use the block button and that’s the end. The block button is great, I use it all the time, somebody only wants bbc, block cos my cock ain’t black, I am out of the age range , block.... somebody that is so full of themselves or the pictures on display do nothing for me, I don’t want to see an open fanny that I could park my car in, touch.... block. Therefore I will not pop up like a saddo on profiles that there is no compatibility and also would never allow anyone to pester me, if it was in the future, Luke would be told by a heavy breathing Darth, “ use the Block Luke” |
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through.
True but a lot a really lovely women have left the site, because they can’t stand the abuse and negativity that is so frequently hurled their way."
This is true and alot that stay
may block all men or decide not to meet any men and stick with couples or fems. This happened to me on my fem account. Lots of abuse from cockwombles. Not so much on a couple account tho. I feel for the single women on here and totally get why newbies leave. There really are some bellends about. The good ones do shine, but they are like rocking horse shite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've come close once or twice to disappearing because of abusive messages. Oddly enough it hadn't been the abuse bit of the message that got to me (I can certainly give as good as I get and a whole lot more besides - the verbals didn't fuss me)
The bit that got me regarding the messages was where these men had justified their actions and thoughts by saying that's how ALL men think, and I'm kidding myself if I believe any of them to mean what they say, and that the ones that seem like good people are playing a game.
P |
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"I've come close once or twice to disappearing because of abusive messages. Oddly enough it hadn't been the abuse bit of the message that got to me (I can certainly give as good as I get and a whole lot more besides - the verbals didn't fuss me)
The bit that got me regarding the messages was where these men had justified their actions and thoughts by saying that's how ALL men think, and I'm kidding myself if I believe any of them to mean what they say, and that the ones that seem like good people are playing a game.
P"
Yes, I do wonder about that occasionally. Doesn't give me a lot of faith in humanity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through.
True but a lot a really lovely women have left the site, because they can’t stand the abuse and negativity that is so frequently hurled their way."
I agree with the OP. The nasty men do make the experience not a nice one. They do affect women in a negative way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The site gives us tools to choose how much communication we receive.
I've often seen a few ladies say they've never received abuse or grief from any guy.
What are they doing differently?
My guess is they simply filter everyone out and only contact those who interest them. "
I say I don't receive abuse, but I think I probably do, I just refuse to think of it that way.
Sometimes I reply asking why they would speak like that to a stranger. The really nasty ones are still nasty. The ones who are abusive out of frustration usually apologise.
I think my profile makes the difference. If I had sex pics they assume I'm well up for anything. -I'm certainly not placing the blame on women who do have sexy profiles. X |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
Abusive behaviour is terrible and always uncalled for and i'm sorry you've been on the receiving end Op.
I would actually disagree with the part of giving us all a bad name by association. It makes us genuine ones stand out more and I think has improved my success here |
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down!
Abusive behaviour is terrible and always uncalled for and i'm sorry you've been on the receiving end Op.
I would actually disagree with the part of giving us all a bad name by association. It makes us genuine ones stand out more and I think has improved my success here "
It does make us less trusting though, as above.
Not always a bad thing for women, but won't help genuine guys. |
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
Sorry to hear that, the guys a tool x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I would actually disagree with the part of giving us all a bad name by association. It makes us genuine ones stand out more and I think has improved my success here
It does make us less trusting though, as above.
Not always a bad thing for women, but won't help genuine guys. "
I agree it made me less trusting. I quite enjoy a verbal rumble at times, but as I said, when I've had it questioned if I'm really that stupid to believe what the "nice genuine" guys say it has made my ears stand on end.
Don't forget I have come from an abusive relationship where my ex started out all sweetness and light, so for a while it did have me second guessing, and takes me longer than most to trust.
P |
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"
I would actually disagree with the part of giving us all a bad name by association. It makes us genuine ones stand out more and I think has improved my success here
It does make us less trusting though, as above.
Not always a bad thing for women, but won't help genuine guys.
I agree it made me less trusting. I quite enjoy a verbal rumble at times, but as I said, when I've had it questioned if I'm really that stupid to believe what the "nice genuine" guys say it has made my ears stand on end.
Don't forget I have come from an abusive relationship where my ex started out all sweetness and light, so for a while it did have me second guessing, and takes me longer than most to trust.
P"
I think I've processed most of my bad relationship crap, but for me, telling someone roughly where I live and then telling me that it's fate and we'll be together forever... Them finding me on Facebook... The manipulation of my vulnerability... Etc...
It's sort of like, I'm probably a better person, in some ways, away from the facade I've had to construct to protect myself here. And there have been times where I've had to say, you're probably quite reasonable but I'm going to go by my blanket rule because of my past experience.
I'm sure that's unfair on regular decent people. But I've been burned, so everyone else misses out while I protect myself. |
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"Honestly it's disgusting and a real shame because I think it does ruin it for the nice guys.
I would like to say I'd never give a woman any abuse whether she said no or just simply didn't reply.. It's all about treating someone with respect x "
Of course it does NOT ruin it for me , as clearly pointed out it makes us more desirable xx
I dont really understand the OP rant
This is the internet 2019
We know all life is here often condensed to the lowest common denominator
If anyone does NOT expect the utter dregs of society to a, be here , b , not to message , c , show respect , they are highly deluded
What is sad is that too many women highlight the web reality and prelude their rant with , men , subtlety suggesting it's a man thing rather than an obnoxious person thing
It's the internet , there is no problem , read a message , view their profile , block if uninspired reply if moist , very simple no drama required
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I would actually disagree with the part of giving us all a bad name by association. It makes us genuine ones stand out more and I think has improved my success here
It does make us less trusting though, as above.
Not always a bad thing for women, but won't help genuine guys.
I agree it made me less trusting. I quite enjoy a verbal rumble at times, but as I said, when I've had it questioned if I'm really that stupid to believe what the "nice genuine" guys say it has made my ears stand on end.
Don't forget I have come from an abusive relationship where my ex started out all sweetness and light, so for a while it did have me second guessing, and takes me longer than most to trust.
P
I think I've processed most of my bad relationship crap, but for me, telling someone roughly where I live and then telling me that it's fate and we'll be together forever... Them finding me on Facebook... The manipulation of my vulnerability... Etc...
It's sort of like, I'm probably a better person, in some ways, away from the facade I've had to construct to protect myself here. And there have been times where I've had to say, you're probably quite reasonable but I'm going to go by my blanket rule because of my past experience.
I'm sure that's unfair on regular decent people. But I've been burned, so everyone else misses out while I protect myself. "
I think I've processed most of mine too, but then out of the blue something or a certain behaviour or even comment from someone can give me the belly of doom and have me trying to decipher what may be between the lines so to speak.
What a fucknugget! Some really do get off on having a sense of power 
P |
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I've had abuse from all demographics. But the abuse from men has been disproportionate and much worse.
(my guess is every 100 messages, 95 are from men, 3 from couples and the remainder from TVs and women. Over 99% of the abuse I've had has been from men, and all the messages that make me feel genuinely sick or scared or angry, rather than just annoyed, have been from men)
It isn't all men, and it isn't just men, but message for message, men do it more and do it worse. |
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"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
I'm massively outnumbered. This place is full of dickheads, abusive guys, idiots and brainless guys. Thank the lord!
This is the only place I know where a regular guy can look like a god.
Looool |
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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago
A box at end of your bed |
"So after being bombarded with messages from the same guy (I didn’t reply as he wasn’t for me) on reflection maybes a no thanks would of been fine but hey ho..
Fast forward to last night and I received such an abusive message from him, normally I don’t retaliate to stupidity but something needed to be said then he was blocked and reported!
I like to think I adhere to the ‘take no shit’ attitude but I couldn’t help but think how detrimental that could of been to any other woman on here that may be suffering with self conscious issues etc and how much of a bad name it gives to fellow single men!
Anyway..hats off to those genuine folk on here and ladies don’t let nobody ever put you down! "
Sorry to hear you have been treated like this, But there are lots of good guys out here we are just buried under all the crap and take some finding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I too get abuse from men, in response to first messages and also completely out of the blue ones... i don't come in the forums moaning about them though, i report and block ... I can't understand why the op, who says this man wasn't her type, didn't block him in the first instance instead of going on about it on here...
Yes some people get their kicks from it... he's probably sat reading this and wanking over all the comments... 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We’ve not found any worthy of our time yet.
Do they need to bow down, Wayne’s World stylee ? "
Not being vulgar, self centred and obsessed with what they want would be a start. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We’ve not found any worthy of our time yet.
Do they need to bow down, Wayne’s World stylee ?
Not being vulgar, self centred and obsessed with what they want would be a start. "
Oh, it’s as bad as that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I too get abuse from men, in response to first messages and also completely out of the blue ones... i don't come in the forums moaning about them though, i report and block ... I can't understand why the op, who says this man wasn't her type, didn't block him in the first instance instead of going on about it on here...
Yes some people get their kicks from it... he's probably sat reading this and wanking over all the comments...
"
I highly doubt he reads the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I too get abuse from men, in response to first messages and also completely out of the blue ones... i don't come in the forums moaning about them though, i report and block ... I can't understand why the op, who says this man wasn't her type, didn't block him in the first instance instead of going on about it on here...
Yes some people get their kicks from it... he's probably sat reading this and wanking over all the comments...
I highly doubt he reads the forums."
You never know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through. "
Exactly
The latter seems to be an excuse by some men that cant be arsed making the effort
Now we are having it endorsed by a woman 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I dare to challenge that statement and say it actually makes it easier for the good ones to shine through.
True but a lot a really lovely women have left the site, because they can’t stand the abuse and negativity that is so frequently hurled their way."
Yes Doc that is spot on! And the same applies to men. That right there is exactly one of the reasons why I post on certain topics/concerns. So many good people left because they came across that whole "negative" experience. Some people can handle it and overcome them, but others struggle with constant bullies/abuse therefore give up!
Extra note for the newbies:
I hear this time and time again people join Fab and leave without even having an opportunity to experience the full potential of the site. Some people see newbies as "fresh meat" and the negative ones try to take advantage of them so people don't get to meet/interact with fellow like minded Fabbers.
Never allow anyone to ruin it for you. I will share more thoughts/views on what to look out for another time in the forums. These things were shared with me when I initially joined back in 2015. Kind of like a "heads up" from very experienced and supportive Fabbers. I was incredibly fortunate to meet them so early on my new journey and helped me by sharing their valuable knowledge.
 Fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I would actually disagree with the part of giving us all a bad name by association. It makes us genuine ones stand out more and I think has improved my success here
It does make us less trusting though, as above.
Not always a bad thing for women, but won't help genuine guys.
I agree it made me less trusting. I quite enjoy a verbal rumble at times, but as I said, when I've had it questioned if I'm really that stupid to believe what the "nice genuine" guys say it has made my ears stand on end.
Don't forget I have come from an abusive relationship where my ex started out all sweetness and light, so for a while it did have me second guessing, and takes me longer than most to trust.
P
I think I've processed most of my bad relationship crap, but for me, telling someone roughly where I live and then telling me that it's fate and we'll be together forever... Them finding me on Facebook... The manipulation of my vulnerability... Etc...
It's sort of like, I'm probably a better person, in some ways, away from the facade I've had to construct to protect myself here. And there have been times where I've had to say, you're probably quite reasonable but I'm going to go by my blanket rule because of my past experience.
I'm sure that's unfair on regular decent people. But I've been burned, so everyone else misses out while I protect myself. "
I think if your gut is telling you to be wary, don't be made to feel guilty about following it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I too get abuse from men, in response to first messages and also completely out of the blue ones... i don't come in the forums moaning about them though, i report and block ... I can't understand why the op, who says this man wasn't her type, didn't block him in the first instance instead of going on about it on here...
Yes some people get their kicks from it... he's probably sat reading this and wanking over all the comments...
I didn’t block as he hadn’t actually said/done anything wrong and I don’t feel that it’s necessary to block people for the sake of it, and yes maybes my post was a little bit of a moan but it was more of a ‘don’t let people get you down’ post
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I too get abuse from men, in response to first messages and also completely out of the blue ones... i don't come in the forums moaning about them though, i report and block ... I can't understand why the op, who says this man wasn't her type, didn't block him in the first instance instead of going on about it on here...
Yes some people get their kicks from it... he's probably sat reading this and wanking over all the comments...
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is a shame that so many, men, women and couples, don't play by the rules, and forget that the people they are messaging are just that, people.
For some reason, putting a keyboard and a screen in front of some people gives them the feeling that the drivel they send is ok.
I like to think I am one of the nice guys, but I imagine that I get as much respoense as the one liners do. I think it is almost impossible for guys to stand out as so many women and couples tar the whole bunch of us.
I would say that just be nice, to everyone, shouldn't need to be said, but it seems to be needed, every other day, sometimes even twice in the same day.
I always say to the noobs, that they joined for their own reasons, and that they shouldn't let anyone else's agendas get in the way of theirs, and that a thick skin is needed. It's a shame that you have to warn people, this should be fun, there's no fun when you have to warn people of other's behaviour, or rather lack of it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do the actions of one person translate into giving an entire gender a "bad name"OP?"
In a further comment from my original post I did state that maybes I could of rephrased it to ‘it could’ give men a bad name. Not once did I stipulate that all men have a bad name |
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If someone was bombarding me with messages after I'd said no thanks it would be a delete and block.
Abuse is unnecessary but could have been avoided by judicial use of the block button early on.
Delete, block, move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The majority of these men are single for a reason. They would be better off getting themselves inflatable dolls"
My inflatable doll was great until she blew me off |
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