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Limericks

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

I (Luke) have written a couple of limericks that I'm pleased with. Here is one.

On a date with a girl named Maria

I ordered a giant tortilla

I added too much

Spice and chilli and such

And left early with bad diarrhea.

If you like that and you would like to read my other let me know below.

Please share your favourite limericks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a Young Man from Kent

Whose Rod was so long it bent.

So to save himself trouble

He bent it in double,

And instead of coming – he went!

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

What with the regular joke thread that go around, I thought this thread would be more popular. Now I am shamelessly and unsubtly bumping it to see if anybody wants to add anything with this trilogy of limericks.

There once was a man from Tyree

Whose limericks stopped at line three

They started like this

There once was a man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two

The once was a man from Verdun

Shall I get my coat?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like a good limerick but I'm rubbish at thinking of my own.

I shall try tho

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

‘She stood on the bridge at midnight

Her lips were all a quiver

She gave a cough

Her leg fell off

And floated down the river’

Spike Milligan

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By *obletonMan over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

There once was a man called McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his wife a martini

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was a chap called Ace Winger

Who's night escapades as club singer

Once got him laid

Apologies were made

As he refused to take it up the ringer

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By *obletonMan over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

There once was a fellow from Goole

Who found little red marks on his tool

His Doctor a cynic

said Get out of me clinic,

And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

"‘She stood on the bridge at midnight

Her lips were all a quiver

She gave a cough

Her leg fell off

And floated down the river’

Spike Milligan"

The boy stood on the burning deck

His heart was all a-flutter

He gave a cough

His leg fell off

And floated down the gutter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was a man from Bel Air

Who was doing his wife on the stair

But the banister broke

So he doubled his stroke

And finished her off in mid-air

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There once was a man from Bel Air

Who was doing his wife on the stair

But the banister broke

So he doubled his stroke

And finished her off in mid-air"

This one tickled me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was Princess called Peach

Who fancied a fuck on a beach

She lay down on blanket

Grasped at his cock to wank it

But her arms were too short to reach

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There once was Princess called Peach

Who fancied a fuck on a beach

She lay down on blanket

Grasped at his cock to wank it

But her arms were too short to reach"

Omg!

Were you spying on me?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There once was Princess called Peach

Who fancied a fuck on a beach

She lay down on blanket

Grasped at his cock to wank it

But her arms were too short to reach

Omg!

Were you spying on me?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was a girl from Fleetwood

Who knew she shouldn't, but she could.

So she went on fab swingers

To meet men who weren't whingers

And now her sex life is actually good x

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

"There once was a girl from Fleetwood

Who knew she shouldn't, but she could.

So she went on fab swingers

To meet men who weren't whingers

And now her sex life is actually good x

Not bad!

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By *icole FanningTV/TS over a year ago

Navan

There once was a woman from Kilkenny,

Who’d give you a fuck for a penny,

For half that sum,

She’d let you cum in her bum,

And that was the pleasure of many.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a girl from hoboken

Who swore her hymen was broken

From riding a bike

On a cobble stone dyke

But I know it was broken from poken

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In Cloud Cuckoo Land a fella called Doc,

Used a pneumatic pump to enlarge his cock.

He gave it such a pumpin’,

his balls were sucked right in.

To get them out he hit it hard with a rock.

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By *isty286Couple over a year ago

Dorset

There once was a coal miners daughter,

Who put dynamite sticks where she shouldn't have ought ta,

They found her vagina in South Carolina,

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I once went to Limerick

to give a lady a lick,

Her boyfriend didn't like it,

So he gave me a right good kick in the dick.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"There once was a chap called Ace Winger

Who's night escapades as club singer

Once got him laid

Apologies were made

As he refused to take it up the ringer "

Oi, I've only just seen that young lady

There once was a woman called Peach

There's nobody she couldn't teach,

If you like a bit of flair,

She'll mess with your hair,

But then again, she probably couldn't reach

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can’t remove the one about a girl from Nantucket.....

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By *ebjonnsonMan over a year ago

Maldon

Read this in a Scottish accent-

There was a young couple in Pitlochry

Who decided to make love in a rockery

She said Jon you’ve cum all over ma bum

It was nay a fuck ,,was a mockery.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Love some of these

Some praise for the gents on fab forums

With so many talents to show off off amongst them

Funny comments and posts

Pics that show off the most

Fun times and fuck fests, so let’s have them

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By *oss and SuzieCouple over a year ago

Porthmadog

There was a young lady called Puck

Who went for a swim in a lake

A man in a punt

Stuck a pole in her ear

And said you can't swim here it's private.

Sorry I couldn't mame it rhyme.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

These have have me giggle. Unfortunately im no good writing them but might be baxk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

On the boobs of a barmaid in Sale,

Are tattooed all the prices of ale.

And on her behind,

For the sake of the blind,

is the same list of prices in Braille!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I coerced with a lady on fabswinger

Who promised she wasn't a minger

I met her in Stoke

But she turned out to be a bloke

And now I can sing through my ringer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fab is the place to be

Meets for fun or socially

From Slim to Curvy

Were all a bit Pervy

Kettles on , who wants a nice cup of tea

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By *xperimentalistMan over a year ago

East Yorkshire

There was a young lady called Minx,

Who had some particular kinks,

Instead of her frocks

She wore just her socks

And looked mighty fine so I thinks

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

"‘She stood on the bridge at midnight

Her lips were all a quiver

She gave a cough

Her leg fell off

And floated down the river’

Spike Milligan

The boy stood on the burning deck

His heart was all a-flutter

He gave a cough

His leg fell off

And floated down the gutter"

The boy stood on the burning deck

When all but he had fled

... idiot

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Fab is the place to be

Meets for fun or socially

From Slim to Curvy

Were all a bit Pervy

Kettles on , who wants a nice cup of tea"

There was a Jawdee

Who wanted to go to bed with me,

She put on the kettle

Said are you alreet petal

And made a cuppa for me

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

There was a brunette from Herne bay

Who stayed with me for the day

We'd fucked once or twice

We were going for thrice

But my cock refused to play

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There once was a chap called Ace Winger

Who's night escapades as club singer

Once got him laid

Apologies were made

As he refused to take it up the ringer

Oi, I've only just seen that young lady

There once was a woman called Peach

There's nobody she couldn't teach,

If you like a bit of flair,

She'll mess with your hair,

But then again, she probably couldn't reach "

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

There was a young lady from Brum

She would always make you cum,

If you saw her twice

The second time would always be nice

Cos she liked it up the bum

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not quite right but........

There is a man in Rye

Whos body i love to try

So i sat astride

And went for a ride

Now im floating sky high

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

There was an olde man called Doc

Who was trying to find his wok

He wanted a Chinese

To feed his Pekingese

But he ended up chewing his sock

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He held the burning Roman candle

An outdoor firework without a handle

It made him cough

Some bits flew off

And turn his to a sandal

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By *ynetaurusMan over a year ago

Newcastle

There was a young man named Danny who fell in love with a granny and in his pocket he kept a locket containing some hairs off her fanny

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

There was a monk from siberia

Whose morals were a little inferior

He did to a nun

What he shouldn't have done

And now she's a mother superior

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

There once was a guy called Torch, and he

Posted comments of well-pitched savagery

He punned with the best

Each retort meant in jest

And he incited my need for debauchery.

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By *entileschiWoman over a year ago

Norwich

There once was a woman from Norwich

Whose tits made a great sausage sandwich

The way that she plays

Puts a great mayonnaise

On the length so beloved of this bitch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a man called Roger

Who had a lovely big todger

This may sound quite corny

But boy he made me horny

Thankfully his not a sex dodger

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

"There was a man called Roger

Who had a lovely big todger

This may sound quite corny

But boy he made me horny

Thankfully his not a sex dodger

That's a good one, Kelly!

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS over a year ago

west here ford shire

There was a swinger from redhill

In haste she forgot to take a pill

Alcohol and drugs

Party with hugs

6 months and tummy in overspill

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There was an olde man called Doc

Who was trying to find his wok

He wanted a Chinese

To feed his Pekingese

But he ended up chewing his sock "

I’ve got a mate called Ace

He lives next door in his place

The smell of his trumps

Brought my nose out in lumps

And the cuckoos flew off into space

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There was a man called Roger

Who had a lovely big todger

This may sound quite corny

But boy he made me horny

Thankfully his not a sex dodger

That's a good one, Kelly!

"
thank you x

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

The boy stood on the burning deck

eating red hot scallops.

One fell down his trouser leg

...and burnt him on the ankle.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan over a year ago

Okehampton

Not a limerick but....

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and every time that Mary walked

the boys could see her Thighs

Mary had another skirt

twas split right up the front

but she didn't wear that one very often

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not a limerick but....

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and every time that Mary walked

the boys could see her Thighs

Mary had another skirt

twas split right up the front

but she didn't wear that one very often"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t have a limerick but wanted to say I’m loving these!!

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

"I don’t have a limerick but wanted to say I’m loving these!! "

Did you like my own one which I started the thread with? I haven't had any compliments yet so I thought I'd go fishing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t have a limerick but wanted to say I’m loving these!!

Did you like my own one which I started the thread with? I haven't had any compliments yet so I thought I'd go fishing.

"
aww its great x

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

My ex wife had a big fat bum

I said you need to diet

I woke up with a black eye and don't remember the rest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a sexual forum

In which they had it for him

A very rude chap

Who was ridden with clap

And who posted with z6ero decorum

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once were some people on fab

Joined together in a room to do 'bad'

They had all agreed to split the proceeds

Without telling various mothers and dads

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By *partharmony OP Couple over a year ago

Ruislip

"There was a sexual forum

In which they had it for him

A very rude chap

Who was ridden with clap

And who posted with z6ero decorum"

I like that one, Darryl!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There was a sexual forum

In which they had it for him

A very rude chap

Who was ridden with clap

And who posted with z6ero decorum

I like that one, Darryl!

Thank-you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There once was a witch who was a witch

If you listened to her you'd be quids in quick

Some think this is funny

but it weren't about the money

It's just now I find that I can't piss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There once was a witch who was a witch

If you listened to her you'd be quids in quick

Some think this is funny

but it weren't about the money

It's just now I find that I can't piss"
That's an original!

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By *xperimentalistMan over a year ago

East Yorkshire

There was a young lady called Estella,

Who was hoping to find a new fella,

So she joined this site

Hoping to find Mr Right

But we're nearly all idiots, don't tell 'er

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By *019ReadyCouple over a year ago

Leeds

There was a crazed woman called Mary

Who had a puss that was hairy

One day it got stuck

Up a pipe - what the fuck?!

Now she's just catless crazed Mary!

(Apologies to any Mary's out there)

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