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Love, with a poor sex,?
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Ladies...
Is it possible to love a guy even though his sex game and performance is poor.
Is it a deal breaker from the offset.
Would you break it off knowing that sooner or later you know you,d be seeking better elsewhere?? |
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If you are contemplating going elsewhere before you’ve even began I wouldn’t say that’s a great start. Although I suppose it depends what your both into?
You can love someone but not be ‘in love’ with them. |
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Love is love, you can’t control it... it controls you..
Sex is just a part of love, and I’m sure when we first meet that person you must be sexually comparable or it would fizzle out into nothing anyway. After all, sex is a big part of an initial relationship..
but ..
Sex is not the glue that holds you as one, Love is, to love everything about the other person, unconditionally.  |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"Love is love, you can’t control it... it controls you..
Sex is just a part of love, and I’m sure when we first meet that person you must be sexually comparable or it would fizzle out into nothing anyway. After all, sex is a big part of an initial relationship..
but ..
Sex is not the glue that holds you as one, Love is, to love everything about the other person, unconditionally. "
This is how I see it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't imagine being in love with a lady and leaving her just because the sex wasn't great.
Some of you on this site are like nymphomaniacs lol it's like you can't live without abit of sex.. ffs it makes me shake my head sometimes.
It's just a fuck! |
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Begs the question ...
Are some people forfeiting love just for better sex.?
Are people with people that they don,t wish to be with purely cos sex is good?
Is it me or is that just a recipe for disaster? And rather shallow.
What if guy or indeed girl is hot as fuck real arm candy ...yet there sex game is poor ..would it still be a deal breaker.? |
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You may be missing an alternative. He can get better at sex. If you have a good relationship, you can suggest you go and see a sex therapist and will help you get much more out of sex. I (Luke) went to one a few years ago (for a different reason) and the results are phenomenal and have served me (and now Hannah and me) for years after. It will keep paying dividends. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I have a high sex drive and sex IS important. But good sex. It’s the quality. A good shag could last me at least a week IF there were other intimacies, kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc.
If there was none of that, plus they made excuses not to have sex and brushed me aside physically, then no, i’d not stay.
I’d feel unattractive, unwanted and ultimately unloved.
No amount of sweet words, placations or them doing the cooking could change that.
Sex isn’t everything, but it is important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Begs the question ...
Are some people forfeiting love just for better sex.?
Are people with people that they don,t wish to be with purely cos sex is good?
Is it me or is that just a recipe for disaster? And rather shallow.
What if guy or indeed girl is hot as fuck real arm candy ...yet there sex game is poor ..would it still be a deal breaker.?"
I got lucky and fell in love with the man who has been the best sex of my life  |
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By *ce AFWoman
over a year ago
unicorn island |
"I have a high sex drive and sex IS important. But good sex. It’s the quality. A good shag could last me at least a week IF there were other intimacies, kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc.
If there was none of that, plus they made excuses not to have sex and brushed me aside physically, then no, i’d not stay.
I’d feel unattractive, unwanted and ultimately unloved.
No amount of sweet words, placations or them doing the cooking could change that.
Sex isn’t everything, but it is important."
agreed. Ultimately the person not giving good sex or none at all will start feeling bad that they can't give the person they are with what they say doesn't bother them but I guarantee 99% everyone would bother in the end.. Who wouldn't want the person they love to have that passion intimacy
Sounds to me that companionship is needed on both sides here if sex ain't part of it and have just got used to each other. I'm not a relationship expert or I would fb be on fab lol |
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There is approximately one thread a week from a guy in a sex less or unsatisfying sex marriage who loves his wife but is desperately unhappy because of the quality of their sex life.
Sex or at least the intimacy it engenders is very important in a long term relationship. If its unimportant to one partner problems will arise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have absolutely no sex whatsoever with my partner due to her medical condition.
I miss it. So much.
But I could never be without her, we get on so well, and have done for years.
But do miss being intimate.  |
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"I have absolutely no sex whatsoever with my partner due to her medical condition.
I miss it. So much.
But I could never be without her, we get on so well, and have done for years.
But do miss being intimate. "
I can understand that. We all need human contact |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it all comes down to how much you love sex.
I love sex myself but not enough that I can't live without it.
I can take care of myself if I get the urge and get on with my life. I can't remember the last time I had sex, but hey il live. |
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"I guess it all comes down to how much you love sex.
I love sex myself but not enough that I can't live without it.
I can take care of myself if I get the urge and get on with my life. I can't remember the last time I had sex, but hey il live. "
I don't know if you have a partner or not but it must be extremely difficult to live with someone you love and not be able to experience holding them close |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have absolutely no sex whatsoever with my partner due to her medical condition.
I miss it. So much.
But I could never be without her, we get on so well, and have done for years.
But do miss being intimate.
I can understand that. We all need human contact "
We do. Thank you. X |
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"I guess it all comes down to how much you love sex.
I love sex myself but not enough that I can't live without it.
I can take care of myself if I get the urge and get on with my life. I can't remember the last time I had sex, but hey il live. "
This fact explains your answers every time this subject comes up .
You claim we are all nymphomaniacs and that sex isn’t everything .
You say love is so much more important than sex etc..... and I guess if I couldn’t remember the last time I had sex I may adopt a similar approach .
But we have sex at least twice a day and it is without a doubt an essential part of our loving relationship . We’ve been married for almost seven years , together for nine and we were very active swingers for eight years together . We stopped swinging just over a year ago and our sex life together sky rocketed and shows no signs of slowing down .
Some say it’s not the glue that holds love together , I beg to differ . Neither of us would be happy if one or the others no longer wanted sex . It would inevitably mean something was wrong or missing between us ( unless it was for a medical reason , and that would be a whole new thing ) . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex can be like a journey, something shared learned grown as two people explore all those things they dare to speak about and experience. Like much in life sex can be learned, just as we we learn so many other things in life.
Love, it's a gift, sometimes learned sometimes instant. Live can conquer all.
All you need to decide OP, is which is most important to you, love that you cant live without, or sex that may he different with every experience of it...... |
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"Begs the question ...
Are some people forfeiting love just for better sex.?
Are people with people that they don,t wish to be with purely cos sex is good?
Is it me or is that just a recipe for disaster? And rather shallow.
What if guy or indeed girl is hot as fuck real arm candy ...yet there sex game is poor ..would it still be a deal breaker.?
I got lucky and fell in love with the man who has been the best sex of my life "
High five!!!! I have found that too xx |
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"I guess it all comes down to how much you love sex.
I love sex myself but not enough that I can't live without it.
I can take care of myself if I get the urge and get on with my life. I can't remember the last time I had sex, but hey il live.
I don't know if you have a partner or not but it must be extremely difficult to live with someone you love and not be able to experience holding them close"
So true !
It does end up very demoralising and feeling worthless. Some can get past it, others can’t and those that can’t its not an easy decision to go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it all comes down to how much you love sex.
I love sex myself but not enough that I can't live without it.
I can take care of myself if I get the urge and get on with my life. I can't remember the last time I had sex, but hey il live.
I don't know if you have a partner or not but it must be extremely difficult to live with someone you love and not be able to experience holding them close"
I'm single and I agree there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it all comes down to how much you love sex.
I love sex myself but not enough that I can't live without it.
I can take care of myself if I get the urge and get on with my life. I can't remember the last time I had sex, but hey il live.
This fact explains your answers every time this subject comes up .
You claim we are all nymphomaniacs and that sex isn’t everything .
You say love is so much more important than sex etc..... and I guess if I couldn’t remember the last time I had sex I may adopt a similar approach .
But we have sex at least twice a day and it is without a doubt an essential part of our loving relationship . We’ve been married for almost seven years , together for nine and we were very active swingers for eight years together . We stopped swinging just over a year ago and our sex life together sky rocketed and shows no signs of slowing down .
Some say it’s not the glue that holds love together , I beg to differ . Neither of us would be happy if one or the others no longer wanted sex . It would inevitably mean something was wrong or missing between us ( unless it was for a medical reason , and that would be a whole new thing ) ."
I didn't mean everyone is a nymphomaniac on this site. What I said about love was that if I really loved someone I wouldn't consider leaving her, just because sex died out.
It's good that you two still have a high sex drive and that you are at it like rabbits every day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My position is that I feel more like a companion ,the words I love you are there but there’s almost no physical interaction an£ hasn’t been for so long. I really struggle sometimes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could easily be with someone just because we loved each even if we never had sex! Always thought basing life on sex when that could change at anytime exceedingly shallow tbh ... what I couldn't do is be with anyone and be unhappy or make them unhappy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lived 15 plus years with a form of love but no sex or limited sex stikler we were more like housemates who banged on occasion by the end the sacrifices we make for our kids eh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I lived 15 plus years with a form of love but no sex or limited sex stikler we were more like housemates who banged on occasion by the end the sacrifices we make for our kids eh"
Doesn't sound happy though ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I lived 15 plus years with a form of love but no sex or limited sex stikler we were more like housemates who banged on occasion by the end the sacrifices we make for our kids eh
Doesn't sound happy though ... "
happy enough there were good times but not sure its enough |
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I think the 80 / 20 rule works here.
Sex is probably only 20% of the happiness in a relationship, but possibly 80% of the unhappiness ... generalising
As others say ... you can't base a long term relationship on sex alone |
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An apparent difference between us and animals appears that we are able to exercise rational thought within our decision making processes. We're able to be in love but still decide that the relationship isn't working for us, so to do something about it.
I might choose to stay with a partner, if there's love but poorer sex together than I need to be fully satisfied but it would not be my first choice, which would be to improve it or negotiate a relationship style that could work. I'd not stay within a relationship that was a prison though, stifling our need to be more fully in pursuit of physical bliss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies...
Is it possible to love a guy even though his sex game and performance is poor.
Is it a deal breaker from the offset.
Would you break it off knowing that sooner or later you know you,d be seeking better elsewhere??"
It's totally possible to love someone without great sex, love is love and sex is sex, the two are not really connected. Intimacy however is essential to love I think, all the bits that you associate with sex without the actual sex part, that's the important bit that solidifies the love to my mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get rid. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. Once the sex has gone, or if it's shit, people just look for something better. That's all people are good for. Sex. |
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"Get rid. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. Once the sex has gone, or if it's shit, people just look for something better. That's all people are good for. Sex."
I’m not just good for sex
Some of the best moments in life have nothing to do with sex |
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"Get rid. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. Once the sex has gone, or if it's shit, people just look for something better. That's all people are good for. Sex.
I’m not just good for sex
Some of the best moments in life have nothing to do with sex "
I detected a faint whiff of irony and a massive amount id tongue in cheek with her comment ... bit I could be wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies...
Is it possible to love a guy even though his sex game and performance is poor.
Is it a deal breaker from the offset.
Would you break it off knowing that sooner or later you know you,d be seeking better elsewhere??"
Sex isnt a deal breaker but its part of my tick list |
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"Ladies...
Is it possible to love a guy even though his sex game and performance is poor.
Is it a deal breaker from the offset.
Would you break it off knowing that sooner or later you know you,d be seeking better elsewhere??
It's totally possible to love someone without great sex, love is love and sex is sex, the two are not really connected. Intimacy however is essential to love I think, all the bits that you associate with sex without the actual sex part, that's the important bit that solidifies the love to my mind."
I agree. Reading between the lines of many of the threads from people who live in sexless relationships it's the lack of physical intimacy that's the problem and causes the feelings of rejection. The evenings cuddled up on the sofa, holding hands, laying in bed cuddling and talking, the stuff that separates you from two people who just live in the same house.
Love is entirely possible without sexual activity of any kind but it's much more difficult to maintain in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ladies...
Is it possible to love a guy even though his sex game and performance is poor.
Is it a deal breaker from the offset.
Would you break it off knowing that sooner or later you know you,d be seeking better elsewhere??"
Yes it's possible.
No it's not a deal breaker providing there is intimacy of some kind and the rest of the relationship is fulfilling and loving, and enriches your life.
Would depend on why the 'sex game' is poor, as it often comes down to lack of communication, and a relationship without good communication is likely to falter of it's own accord.
P |
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"Ladies...
Is it possible to love a guy even though his sex game and performance is poor.
Is it a deal breaker from the offset.
Would you break it off knowing that sooner or later you know you,d be seeking better elsewhere??"
Reverse the question and there is your answer
Fellas: Love, with a poor sex,?
Is it possible to love a woman even though her sex game and performance is poor?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't be with some I was sexually incompatible with but I am not looking for love or any type of committed relationship , just good sex with someone I like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. Once the sex has gone, or if it's shit, people just look for something better. That's all people are good for. Sex.
I’m not just good for sex
Some of the best moments in life have nothing to do with sex "
Ok apart from having my children (sex might have played a part  ) ALL EVERYTHING that is amusingly brilliantly awesome in my life has absolutely nothing to do with sex! And I'm totally blessed with the perfect job and an awesome life ... great sex is an addition to it but not it's definition! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Po be you have control over the other controls you.
Cant compare them, sex is just a part of love. This can be a small or large part depending on the people and what intially drew them to each other. Sex can be a very small part of a healthy relationship. That may be hard to understand her on fab where the mind and energies are so focused on sex. |
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Are we talking the quality of sex in terms of its meaning and sexual skills involved as one package or a separate items?
I see sex and relationships as not nessersarly the same thing. So sex in a relationship to me is way more about the relationship and the bond you share than it is about sex. Sex can be awesome and powerful even if not technically as good in its application of skill if the emotional bond and love is there. And better still it then it helps further enhance that love and bond. So yes the presence of sex in a relationship is important but the skill level involved not so important. Plus an active sex life tends to futher enhance the level of skills and knowlage of each other.
So I think what is important is not so much the level skill a person has, its the level emotional connection and enthusiasm you both have for each other to want to get naked and share each other. Plus I think if you have the latter (plus open honest communication) the former tends to sort it's self out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship. Once the sex has gone, or if it's shit, people just look for something better. That's all people are good for. Sex.
I’m not just good for sex
Some of the best moments in life have nothing to do with sex
I detected a faint whiff of irony and a massive amount id tongue in cheek with her comment ... bit I could be wrong"
 |
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"Isnt a sex site probably the wrong forum to obtain an unbiased conclusion as well, it would seem people here generally like sex quite a lot... "
Assuming this is a sex site rather than a social media site for broad and like minded people of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t know. I go back and forth on it. All hypothetically. I know I need intimacy, that doesn’t necessarily involve sex. I’ve gone without sex for years before now, but having had such a lot of good, adventurous sex over the last two years I guess Id miss it more. But if the person was someone I loved, well we make compromises for the right person...
I don’t know. |
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"I have absolutely no sex whatsoever with my partner due to her medical condition.
I miss it. So much.
But I could never be without her, we get on so well, and have done for years.
But do miss being intimate. "
???
Sound like your a very special person fella , should be proud of yourself sticking by your partner.
Though surely you can still be intimate without sex ?? |
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"Are we talking the quality of sex in terms of its meaning and sexual skills involved as one package or a separate items?
I see sex and relationships as not nessersarly the same thing. So sex in a relationship to me is way more about the relationship and the bond you share than it is about sex. Sex can be awesome and powerful even if not technically as good in its application of skill if the emotional bond and love is there. And better still it then it helps further enhance that love and bond. So yes the presence of sex in a relationship is important but the skill level involved not so important. Plus an active sex life tends to futher enhance the level of skills and knowlage of each other.
So I think what is important is not so much the level skill a person has, its the level emotional connection and enthusiasm you both have for each other to want to get naked and share each other. Plus I think if you have the latter (plus open honest communication) the former tends to sort it's self out."
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