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The best 'so bad they're good' jokes
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"I can only ever remember one joke - share your best ones here!
What's better than Ted Danson?
Ted singin' AND Danson!"
Geni812 "ahhh I've just stubbed my toe!!!"
Myself "are you ok? Do you want me to call you an ambulance?"
Genie812 "yes it bloody hurt"
Myself "Genie812 is an ambulance, Ginie812 is an ambulance" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These are beautiful. Keep 'em coming!
Was told another one this morning - What was Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?
HAND EEEEEEEYE..."
Quality!  |
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"I would tell you the secret about butter, but you'd only go and spread it
P"
That reminds me of a Milton Jones joke. I used to have and auntie Marge. She was always ill. We used to say "I can't believe she's not better." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would tell you the secret about butter, but you'd only go and spread it
P
That reminds me of a Milton Jones joke. I used to have and auntie Marge. She was always ill. We used to say "I can't believe she's not better.""
 |
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"Two fish in a tank.
One says “where’s the clutch”
Two birds on a perch
One says “can you mell fish”
"
Two lions walking down the high street. One of them turns to the other and says "It's a bit quiet for a Saturday.
Two fish in a tank, one behind the other. What's the front one's name?
Bob.
You can tell because the one behind him keeps trying to call him.
That works better as a visual joke, but do what you can with it. |
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There were two weevils who were brothers. One of them went off to Hollywood, became a big film star and became rich and successful. The other was happy staying on the farm where he was born. He was known as the lesser of two weevils. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the connection between Vlad The Impaler and Rupert The Bear?...
.
.
.
.
'same middle name
FFS ..... i've been sat working it out!
Doh ..."
haha I get it ... That's a good one  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can only ever remember one joke - share your best ones here!
What's better than Ted Danson?
Ted singin' AND Danson!"
I met a lady who introduced herself as Lucy. Lucy Lastic. So cheesy it was hilarious at the time.
And the elastic was most definitely loose as I discovered.  |
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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago
wolverhampton |
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock?
Still no fucking idea. "
lol nice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two scientists go the bar and one orders a c2o.
The bartender asks the other scientist what he wants and he said I'll have a c2o too.
A couple minutes later he ends up dead. |
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"Two scientists go the bar and one orders a c2o.
The bartender asks the other scientist what he wants and he said I'll have a c2o too.
A couple minutes later he ends up dead."
It's even better with H2O (water) & H2O2 (hydrogen peroxide, antiseptic / bleach)
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't believe my luck at what I found just lying about on the floor, being missed by everyone yesterday; A couple of fivers and a bit of change for one, but also a decent looking woolly hat which is great when it's cold out.
The only person who spotted them apart from myself was a bloke carrying a guitar, but I was the quickest and you should have seen how furious he was that I did so! 
B |
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By *icheekyMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers.
"Five beers please"
Laughed more than I should
P"
Then he asks for a Martinus. The barman says "Do you mean a Martini" and the roman says "If I wanted a double I'd have asked for it." |
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Theft in a multi storey car park...it's wrong on every level
Two fish in a tank. One says how do you drive this?
Miss: Johnny you wernt at school yesterday, why was that?
Johnny: My dad got burnt Miss
Miss: not badly I hope
Johnny: they don't fuck about at the Crematorium Miss |
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A Doc is examining a patient and says "I'm sorry to say you haven't long to live, Mr Jones."
Jones says "Oh no, how long, Doc?"
The Doc replies "Five."
"Five what? says Jones
and the Doc replies
"Five
"Four
"Three
"Two....
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was at the garden centre yesterday, I could have sworn I saw Michael J Fox but couldn't be 100% certain as he had his back to the fuschia
P"
I’m nicking that one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Solved one of life’s biggest questions at the weekend at a fancy dress party, I was dressed as a chicken and couldn’t believe my look when I pulled this stunning lady dressed as a egg .... The chicken came first  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife says I make love like a painter
What like da Vinci ? Smooth strokes , attention to detail and resulting in a masterpiece I asked.
Nope , like the fucking council.
Rush the fucking job , leave a fucking mess and I end up doing it my fucking self |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why.
Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back."
"Well, how did you make it to school then?"
Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home." |
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