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Which emotional muscle are you training?
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
We talk a lot about emotional maturity and soft skills as important for progress/success in say the working world, as opposed to solely focusing on technical training - and by plagiarising this list of twenty such ‘emotional’ skills, my question is:
If you had to choose, which of these skills would you like to build your metaphorical muscles in?
Pick as many as you’d like - and it’s not to suggest you are saying you don’t have any of the skill to begin with, but that it’s one you’d like to train up further.
So which one/or ones specifically from this list would you choose?
The list of 20 are:
adaptability
calm
charm
communication
confidence
creativity
decisiveness
diplomacy
effectiveness
eloquence
empathy
entrepreneurship
innovation
leadership
objectivity
playfulness
purpose
resilience
self-awareness
supportiveness
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Calm
I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly "
I hear you, I’m definitely in need of working on this for when it’s something I feel passionate about and I think someone is being a prick about it. I need a “workout sheet”, as to how to train this muscle better. Stop and breathe is all I’ve got...! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally."
Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.
Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted "
Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally."
eloquence personified  |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change. "
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.
Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted
Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner. "
No. It's about all those skills that we think we don't need to learn because they should be part of our make up. Communication is only one of the soft skills.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Calm
I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly
I hear you, I’m definitely in need of working on this for when it’s something I feel passionate about and I think someone is being a prick about it. I need a “workout sheet”, as to how to train this muscle better. Stop and breathe is all I’ve got...!"
That’s me !!!
The stopping and breathing usually goes out of the window as I’m too furious usually |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.
Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted
Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner. "
Not in my opinion, no. The list of twenty above are referred to as soft skills - I’m not clear how they’re just about how a person talks decently to someone else? I do agree I don’t like the term soft skills, but I guess it’s just to distinguish from ‘hard’ or technical skills - they’re all skills though, so maybe they don’t need distinguishing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before? "
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Playfulness.
Work and life have been very serious for too long and I never had much a playful side to start with.
"
Yes! I spend too long in my head with the seriousness of work and when I embrace more playfulness it ends up actually being when the solutions appear. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Calm
I can go from 1 to boiling point quite quickly
I hear you, I’m definitely in need of working on this for when it’s something I feel passionate about and I think someone is being a prick about it. I need a “workout sheet”, as to how to train this muscle better. Stop and breathe is all I’ve got...!
That’s me !!!
The stopping and breathing usually goes out of the window as I’m too furious usually "
So true! I tend to hold my breath and word punch to the throat and then have a think.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.
Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted
Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner.
Not in my opinion, no. The list of twenty above are referred to as soft skills - I’m not clear how they’re just about how a person talks decently to someone else? I do agree I don’t like the term soft skills, but I guess it’s just to distinguish from ‘hard’ or technical skills - they’re all skills though, so maybe they don’t need distinguishing."
They ended up being listed separately because employers wanted the 'soft' skills but only ever credited the 'hard' and technical skills in their ask of employees and potential candidates.
I was writing about this stuff almost 25 years ago. Time management is a 'soft' skill but for more people than you'd think it's something that has to be worked at.
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health "
Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also resilience.
I know I'm strong and I can bounce back from shit, but I struggle not to take things personally (depending on the who/what/when/where/why)
P |
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you could cut this list by half at least, for instance empathy covers a few of the other "emotions" you have on the list, playfulness isn't an emotion it is more of an act but what you gain from playfulness is happiness so that's a bit of a grey area, yeah so the question needs to be tweaked a little bit OK hun. |
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Calm, confidence, creativity, decisiveness, eloquence, purpose, resilience.
I'd say these are all things I've been consciously working on over the past few years actually. Not just with work in mind but more importantly for me, life in general. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done' "
Can we add patience to the list |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations. "
I struggle with adaptability when I’m not sure if change is being done for the sake of it rather than for improvement, or if it’s rushed or not well thought through - and then I’m not sure if that’s my lack of the adaptability muscle or (as my ego sells it to me) common sense and good planning skills!! |
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"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done'
Can we add patience to the list "
heavens no the list is long enough it's like a Chinese takeaway menu |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im going with calm but a side add on of patience. Life changes mean I’ve had to develop patience which has never been a strong point for me, almost no existent.
I’m getting much better every day now though and it’s making life a hell of a lot easier |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P"
Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health "
Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.
|
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Can I just say I find the phrase ‘soft skills’ which is basically don’t be a cunt, incredible annoying. It’s humans over complicating things that should come naturally.
Is soft skills meaning that? Not sure. But noted
Isn’t it just talking to someone in a decent manner.
Not in my opinion, no. The list of twenty above are referred to as soft skills - I’m not clear how they’re just about how a person talks decently to someone else? I do agree I don’t like the term soft skills, but I guess it’s just to distinguish from ‘hard’ or technical skills - they’re all skills though, so maybe they don’t need distinguishing.
They ended up being listed separately because employers wanted the 'soft' skills but only ever credited the 'hard' and technical skills in their ask of employees and potential candidates.
I was writing about this stuff almost 25 years ago. Time management is a 'soft' skill but for more people than you'd think it's something that has to be worked at.
"
Nods, yes - they really are muscles to work on  |
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"We talk a lot about emotional maturity and soft skills as important for progress/success in say the working world, as opposed to solely focusing on technical training - and by plagiarising this list of twenty such ‘emotional’ skills, my question is:
If you had to choose, which of these skills would you like to build your metaphorical muscles in?
Pick as many as you’d like - and it’s not to suggest you are saying you don’t have any of the skill to begin with, but that it’s one you’d like to train up further.
So which one/or ones specifically from this list would you choose?
The list of 20 are:
adaptability
calm
communication
confidence
creativity
decisiveness
diplomacy
effectiveness
eloquence
empathy
entrepreneurship
innovation
leadership
objectivity
playfulness
purpose
resilience
self-awareness
supportiveness
"
All but charm ... I think charms sits in a mans court |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done' "
That’s pretty self aware to recognise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations.
I struggle with adaptability when I’m not sure if change is being done for the sake of it rather than for improvement, or if it’s rushed or not well thought through - and then I’m not sure if that’s my lack of the adaptability muscle or (as my ego sells it to me) common sense and good planning skills!! "
I think part of it is often the lack of control. Taking things in another direction is fine if you have a clear idea of where it's likely to end up but if you're being pushed to do it then your defences go up. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
you could cut this list by half at least, for instance empathy covers a few of the other "emotions" you have on the list, playfulness isn't an emotion it is more of an act but what you gain from playfulness is happiness so that's a bit of a grey area, yeah so the question needs to be tweaked a little bit OK hun. "
Nothing to work on here.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Playfulness.
Work and life have been very serious for too long and I never had much a playful side to start with.
"
Absolutely ditto on that, plus calm.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m working on them all.
I’ve yet to feel like I’ve accomplished perfection in any life skill.
Leadership is something I’ll be concentrating on over the next ten months |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"
you could cut this list by half at least, for instance empathy covers a few of the other "emotions" you have on the list, playfulness isn't an emotion it is more of an act but what you gain from playfulness is happiness so that's a bit of a grey area, yeah so the question needs to be tweaked a little bit OK hun. "
I’ll let the author of the book know that a number of the chapters aren’t necessary, hun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health
Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.
"
Thankyou I'm taking a much more junior role than I'm used to in a department away from sales. My sister did a 6 month volountary placement there last year so is happy that the hours and role are suitable as a first step. I come from a big business background so stepping well back from any kind of management! |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Calm, confidence, creativity, decisiveness, eloquence, purpose, resilience.
I'd say these are all things I've been consciously working on over the past few years actually. Not just with work in mind but more importantly for me, life in general."
Yes, you’re quite right that they’re important for life - as I was plagiarising a book written for work environment I wanted to be do so authentically!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P
Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X"
If you come up with some awesomeness let me know!
I mainly believe peeps are screwy over wankshafts the majority of the time
I don't always think they do things on purpose to hurt, but I do think their perception is "misguided" at times. Rather than tell the truth and get a guaranteed sting, some will hide the truth in hope the person that will get stung won't know (can be even something tiny) turns a sting into a stab in the back which is far worse.
I'm waffling.
P |
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"We talk a lot about emotional maturity and soft skills as important for progress/success in say the working world, as opposed to solely focusing on technical training - and by plagiarising this list of twenty such ‘emotional’ skills, my question is:
If you had to choose, which of these skills would you like to build your metaphorical muscles in?
Pick as many as you’d like - and it’s not to suggest you are saying you don’t have any of the skill to begin with, but that it’s one you’d like to train up further.
So which one/or ones specifically from this list would you choose?
The list of 20 are:
adaptability
calm
communication
confidence
creativity
decisiveness
diplomacy
effectiveness
eloquence
empathy
entrepreneurship
innovation
leadership
objectivity
playfulness
purpose
resilience
self-awareness
supportiveness
All but charm ... I think charms sits in a mans court"
in that case maybe add sexism to the list |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Self awareness. I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking honestly and it offends in the work place. 'Why can't so and so just get their butt into gear instead of taking it to a working party where everybody agrees and still nothing gets done'
Can we add patience to the list "
When I’ve finished reading the book I’ll report back as to why that didn’t make the list - bear with me (!), but it’s a good skill to flex for sure. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Im going with calm but a side add on of patience. Life changes mean I’ve had to develop patience which has never been a strong point for me, almost no existent.
I’m getting much better every day now though and it’s making life a hell of a lot easier "
How’s baby? |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Creativity and decisiveness.
I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place."
I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health
Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.
Thankyou I'm taking a much more junior role than I'm used to in a department away from sales. My sister did a 6 month volountary placement there last year so is happy that the hours and role are suitable as a first step. I come from a big business background so stepping well back from any kind of management! "
That can be a challenge in itself.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Creativity and decisiveness.
I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.
I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills. "
Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.
Just deciveness then. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing  "
The dangers we face are almost never as great as our skittish imaginations might suggest. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im going with calm but a side add on of patience. Life changes mean I’ve had to develop patience which has never been a strong point for me, almost no existent.
I’m getting much better every day now though and it’s making life a hell of a lot easier
How’s baby?"
Amazing....it’s been on hell of a rollercoaster so far! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health
Congratulations. Don't assume that the charity will be easy/easier work than elsewhere. They are businesses too and, sometimes, forget to live their values with staff in pursuit of delivering the cause to others. Those in need come first leads to burnout in charities as much as hitting challenging sales and production targets or dealing with rude customers in other sectors.
Thankyou I'm taking a much more junior role than I'm used to in a department away from sales. My sister did a 6 month volountary placement there last year so is happy that the hours and role are suitable as a first step. I come from a big business background so stepping well back from any kind of management!
That can be a challenge in itself. "
Very much so.. but I'm looking forward to it |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"
All but charm ... I think charms sits in a mans court"
Charm in the book incorporates persuasiveness and congruence with what others need. I don’t see it as a gendered skill at all! But I guess we are used to describing “charming men”. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Adaptability, I am very set in my ways and not great with change. Alongside that decisiveness would be good. I am calm and collected and can own my decisions in an environment I'm comfortable in but I do struggle with confidence in new situations.
I struggle with adaptability when I’m not sure if change is being done for the sake of it rather than for improvement, or if it’s rushed or not well thought through - and then I’m not sure if that’s my lack of the adaptability muscle or (as my ego sells it to me) common sense and good planning skills!!
I think part of it is often the lack of control. Taking things in another direction is fine if you have a clear idea of where it's likely to end up but if you're being pushed to do it then your defences go up. "
Lack of control, you’ve hit the nail on the head! Which is fear ultimately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health
Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X"
Thankyou  it feels right x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing
The dangers we face are almost never as great as our skittish imaginations might suggest. X"
Absolutely. My mind and imagination is absolutely my greatest enemy x |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P
Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X
If you come up with some awesomeness let me know!
I mainly believe peeps are screwy over wankshafts the majority of the time
I don't always think they do things on purpose to hurt, but I do think their perception is "misguided" at times. Rather than tell the truth and get a guaranteed sting, some will hide the truth in hope the person that will get stung won't know (can be even something tiny) turns a sting into a stab in the back which is far worse.
I'm waffling.
P"
I want to talk to you about attachment theory some time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P
Oooh that’s a good point. I’m going to mull a little on this. X
If you come up with some awesomeness let me know!
I mainly believe peeps are screwy over wankshafts the majority of the time
I don't always think they do things on purpose to hurt, but I do think their perception is "misguided" at times. Rather than tell the truth and get a guaranteed sting, some will hide the truth in hope the person that will get stung won't know (can be even something tiny) turns a sting into a stab in the back which is far worse.
I'm waffling.
P
I want to talk to you about attachment theory some time x"
Let's do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health
Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X
Thankyou it feels right x "
I love this. Good luck. X |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much"
Imposter syndrome builds on our natural reluctance to extend what we know of ourselves to others - we know from the inside all the things that are wrong with us, but we only have a highly edited and limited picture of the reality of others.
We all doubt ourselves, and actually the confidence comes from knowing that we all do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After coming out of a long spell of darkness I'm now preparing to go back to work and get back to a new kind of reality. I'm currently working on adaptability and confidence in dealing with change.
How scary and exciting at the same time! Do you know the type of work you’re looking to do, is it a change or is it similar to what you’ve done before?
I do.. I have a job lined up within a charity that's close to my heart doing financial work. It's a complete change after a life changing accident that means I'm physically unable to go back to my previous lifestyle. Not a bad thing and much more positive for my mental health
Oh wow, that’s brilliant and I’m a big toot toot supporter of working for a charity! Really excited for you, and the toughest times certainly grow a particular muscle I find - compassion. May your compassion build your confidence and I really hope it goes well. X
Thankyou it feels right x
I love this. Good luck. X "
Ah thanks |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Creativity and decisiveness.
I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.
I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.
Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.
Just deciveness then."
 |
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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago
somewhere |
"I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much
Imposter syndrome builds on our natural reluctance to extend what we know of ourselves to others - we know from the inside all the things that are wrong with us, but we only have a highly edited and limited picture of the reality of others.
We all doubt ourselves, and actually the confidence comes from knowing that we all do. "
Very true. I can be my own worst critic at times but it's the same for lots of people |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Resilience. I need to take things less personally. I've always struggled, it's a confidence thing
The dangers we face are almost never as great as our skittish imaginations might suggest. X
Absolutely. My mind and imagination is absolutely my greatest enemy x"
And your greatest strength. Your creativity and problem solving and attention to detail is probably very good! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P"
A wonderful lady asked me what advice I would give a friend if they were in my situation. Looking from the outside.
Great thread OP. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"I think it would be confidence for me. I doubt myself too much
Imposter syndrome builds on our natural reluctance to extend what we know of ourselves to others - we know from the inside all the things that are wrong with us, but we only have a highly edited and limited picture of the reality of others.
We all doubt ourselves, and actually the confidence comes from knowing that we all do.
Very true. I can be my own worst critic at times but it's the same for lots of people"
Ask for feedback. And place weight that other people’s positive opinion of you is worthwhile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Creativity and decisiveness.
I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.
I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.
Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.
Just deciveness then.
"
Not that I think I'm super tooled up in all the emotions listed, I'm just a bit meh about some of them. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Objectivity.
I'm sound when it comes to other people and their problems, not so good when it comes to mine. I've been screwed over so many times by cunts who supposedly "care" that my auto response can be warped and go into a light speed analysis of how and why they're behaving a certain way, I need to step back and look from an outside perspective with no emotional attachment.
P
A wonderful lady asked me what advice I would give a friend if they were in my situation. Looking from the outside.
Great thread OP. "
|
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Creativity and decisiveness.
I'm not sure creativeness can be baulked up though, not if there's so little to begin with in the first place.
I guess business creativity is different from artistic creativity and incorporates problem solving skills.
Oh. Thanks for helping me solve that problem.
Just deciveness then.
Not that I think I'm super tooled up in all the emotions listed, I'm just a bit meh about some of them."
Sarcasm wasn’t on the list, but you know you’re a pro lifter on that.
Love ya. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much."
Flexible ToC. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.
Flexible ToC. "
Not sure what you mean by ToC? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.
Flexible ToC.
Not sure what you mean by ToC?"
Theory of Change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.
Flexible ToC.
Not sure what you mean by ToC?
Theory of Change."
Ok I’m still none the wiser. I need a bit more help understanding what you mean. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.
Flexible ToC.
Not sure what you mean by ToC?
Theory of Change."
Isn’t ToC about getting to a specific outcome though?
Although I guess the ‘flexible’ bit is developing one without an end in goal? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.
Flexible ToC.
Not sure what you mean by ToC?
Theory of Change.
Ok I’m still none the wiser. I need a bit more help understanding what you mean."
ToC starts with the desired outcomes and then maps back to identify the actions to get you there. You can get stuck by being too attached to preconceived outcomes, setting them too tightly.
Unintended outcomes can spark new ideas and solutions so loosening attachment can be useful, at times. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it."
You make an interesting point, as there are certainly skills I find easier at work then in personal life and vice versa and yet some thematically that are the same in both environments. I wonder why? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it.
You make an interesting point, as there are certainly skills I find easier at work then in personal life and vice versa and yet some thematically that are the same in both environments. I wonder why? "
It's the same compartmentalising that means you can manage a multi-million pound budget but not manage personal spending or debt. Or, seeing clearly what others should/could do and being able to give them the encouragement to take action or feel but feeling swamped when trying to apply it to yourself. |
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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"In the working world I'm not sure there are any currently but on a personal level, I'd like to work on calm and decisiveness - I really struggle to make up my mind about things at times and often have second, third thoughts abohr decisions. And I'm not calm - well I am at work but I can channel my energy into projects etc. It's different outside of it.
You make an interesting point, as there are certainly skills I find easier at work then in personal life and vice versa and yet some thematically that are the same in both environments. I wonder why?
It's the same compartmentalising that means you can manage a multi-million pound budget but not manage personal spending or debt. Or, seeing clearly what others should/could do and being able to give them the encouragement to take action or feel but feeling swamped when trying to apply it to yourself."
Ahhh yes! That’s true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably none of those listed all though there are a few of those I could develop further. Currently I’m developing non-attachment to outcomes. I want to be able to be passionately engaged in something whether that is a work venture, a personal endeavour or encounters with other people, without feeling attached to particular outcomes. by doing so I will be able to let go more and not feel the need to control the process as much.
Flexible ToC.
Not sure what you mean by ToC?
Theory of Change.
Ok I’m still none the wiser. I need a bit more help understanding what you mean.
ToC starts with the desired outcomes and then maps back to identify the actions to get you there. You can get stuck by being too attached to preconceived outcomes, setting them too tightly.
Unintended outcomes can spark new ideas and solutions so loosening attachment can be useful, at times."
That makes sense. There’s a bit of that. |
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