FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Do you have a responsibility to stay in shape for your partner?
Do you have a responsibility to stay in shape for your partner?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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...if you have a long term partner that is.
Obviously bodies change as we get older and a few extra lbs come with that but, serious illness aside, do you owe it to your partner to stay in decent nick? Or should they love you as you are? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...if you have a long term partner that is.
Obviously bodies change as we get older and a few extra lbs come with that but, serious illness aside, do you owe it to your partner to stay in decent nick? Or should they love you as you are?"
Yes, you do. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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No I don't think so. Speaking from my personal experience/pov I do accept that my partner might be less attracted to me if I was to gain significant weight. He'd still love me but the sexual desire might not be there, which is fair enough.
I'd say the onus was on me though to look after myself etc. Not just for me but for my family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, you and you alone are responsible for your own health and happiness, as is your long term partner for theirs, you just have to hope that you both continue to follow similar paths and still find each other attractive as time goes on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...if you have a long term partner that is.
Obviously bodies change as we get older and a few extra lbs come with that but, serious illness aside, do you owe it to your partner to stay in decent nick? Or should they love you as you are?"
I just laughter the only person you have a responsibility to stay in shape for is yourself! In a long term relationship I'm sure you fall I love with the person not the flat tummy or peach ass  they are just a bonus. I do think I people should try to keep in reasonable shape though not for a partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex partners have still been attracted to me after putting on significant weight due to pregnancy or medication. The only responsibility I have felt with regards to staying in shape has been to myself. If a partner stopped desiring me because of poor health or weight gain I could understand it. It would make me sad but we can't help what we desire or don't desire. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I train because I like, I like the way I feel afterwards. The “in shape” bit just comes as a result of me doing the activity I enjoy.
That being said, I have that super annoying body type that pretty much stays the same regardless of what I eat or do |
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I think as a couple you owe it to your relationship, yourself and your partner to be the best you can be.
I genuinely think that taking your partner into consideration in everything is one of the basics of maintaining a good relationship. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I think as a couple you owe it to your relationship, yourself and your partner to be the best you can be.
I genuinely think that taking your partner into consideration in everything is one of the basics of maintaining a good relationship. "
I really like the way you’ve articulated this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think as a couple you owe it to your relationship, yourself and your partner to be the best you can be.
I genuinely think that taking your partner into consideration in everything is one of the basics of maintaining a good relationship. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I had a partner it'd give me more of a reason to lose more weight, just at the moment ... I just don't feel optimistic or motivated... Feels like a waste of time ... Yeah I'm getting healthier but im not happy. |
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Kinda yeah. I mean i could let myself go. But then would she thank me for becoming overweight, idle, and quite probably diabetic with its associated heart conditions and problems with sight loss and limb amputation. Would my kids be happy with an overweight unfit man to take them out on their bikes or run with them? Probably. But could i look at my reflection and think, "yep I've tried my best".
No i could not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you met someone at a size 10 can you really still expect them to fancy you at a size 20? Honestly? "
When I first met my husband I was a size 10, 2 children later and I'd gone up to a size 22. I'm now a comfy size 12/14.
After 19 years together I can honestly say he's loved me and found me just as attractive at whatever size I've been xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always find that at the start of a relationship you dress to impress even when at home. always try and look your best. Within a few months it’s more likely to be pyjamas and something comfy.
That’s why I think date nights are important, a chance to dress up and go out together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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“Your body ain't Pamela Anderson,
Its a struggle just to get you in the caravan,
But listen baby girl,
Before I let you lose a pound I'll buy a bigger car,
So listen baby girl,
I love you just the way you are, the way you are” |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I don’t think there’s one definitive answer here as every person and every couple dynamic will be different.
If that’s what’s important to you, fine.
 "
I agree; on the one hand it is good when you care about keeping the spark alive inside your partner in terms of external looks and tarting yourself up and all that...but at the same time, for a serious relationship, it’s not just body shapes that you go for. You tend to love your better half for who they are over the years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Mr. met me at my biggest and he fell in love with me then, but he supports my weight loss, he's never once told me he wanted me to change or be thinner/fitter/more in shape.
We talk about it and he helps motivate me, but he also makes sure I'm doing it because I want to and not because I feel like I have to in order to please him, he tells me every day he loves me just the way I am and he will love me no matter my weight changes, both losses and gains.
I'm getting in shape for me, to feel good in clothes I want to wear and becuase I'm worried about the long term effects on my health. I know he's proud of me whatever and hopefully my new flexibility as I get fitter will definitely be a bonus for him
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"“Your body ain't Pamela Anderson,
Its a struggle just to get you in the caravan,
But listen baby girl,
Before I let you lose a pound I'll buy a bigger car,
So listen baby girl,
I love you just the way you are, the way you are”"
Awwww thanks sexy X X   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...if you have a long term partner that is.
Obviously bodies change as we get older and a few extra lbs come with that but, serious illness aside, do you owe it to your partner to stay in decent nick? Or should they love you as you are?"
What's your opinion OP? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I kinda think yeah I do. I'm at liberty to let myself go but that isn't what he married into so I could understand if he didn't find me physically attractive anymore because I wasn't taking pride in my appearance. I think I'd have to accept that. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Be yourself, and stop having to please everyone else. If he can't appreciate a curve or bigger boobs, then he's not worth it!"
What about if he/she doesn't want to watch your health suffer by being overweight?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be yourself, and stop having to please everyone else. If he can't appreciate a curve or bigger boobs, then he's not worth it!
What about if he/she doesn't want to watch your health suffer by being overweight?
"
Yep that too. I try to keep fit as I feel I've a responsibility to my family as well as making me feel better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, you have that responsibility for your own long term good health of body and mind
Perfect answer, close the thread hahaha "
No it isn't. Reopen thread. |
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
"
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable. "
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much. |
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable. "
Me too. I certainly don't look like I did when I met Mr N. I'm obviously a lot older, my stomach is no longer flat and I have certain physical limitations. Same goes for him. |
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much. "
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all. |
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You can make whatever agreements you wish with your partner but most things that aren't explicitly agreed, aren't really lifelong obligations.
There are some common sense guidelines that may help, to continue to sustain and develop the relationship but we each own our own body and destiny.
Plus we all like different things physically with others - looking after health is important, so rating health highly is probably more sensible than superficial looks |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all. "
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all. "
I know this. But I'd be annoyed if it was his inability to look after himself that caused the issues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)"
Health issues that can be avoided are an issue. I know most like to push them under the carpet. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)
Health issues that are avoided are an issue. I know most like to push them under the carpet. "
Do most people like to do that?
I’m not sure that’s true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)
Health issues that are avoided are an issue. I know most like to push them under the carpet.
Do most people like to do that?
I’m not sure that’s true."
Oh on fab there is always an excuse for any issue. No one ever takes responsibility.  |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)"
It depends on how self-inflicted it is.
I wouldn't want a partner who smoked, because I wouldn't want them to die of the lung cancer they had brought upon themselves.
Ditto obesity - it's a leading cause of heart disease, stroke of cancer and entirely self inflicted. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)
Health issues that are avoided are an issue. I know most like to push them under the carpet.
Do most people like to do that?
I’m not sure that’s true.
Oh on fab there is always an excuse for any issue. No one ever takes responsibility. "
Ahh okay. That’s not my experience, but fair enough. |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
Probably not going to go down to well but here goes, AJ speaking (female half) but I’ve found looking at couples profiles it’s the ladies that mainly tend to stay in shape, lots of guys on here that think they can get by on their Mrs, well not for me you won’t, so come on Mr Couple take pride in your appearance and look after yourselves if only for health reasons and not your lovely wife, don’t just leave it to the single guys for eye candy, you can do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)
Health issues that are avoided are an issue. I know most like to push them under the carpet.
Do most people like to do that?
I’m not sure that’s true.
Oh on fab there is always an excuse for any issue. No one ever takes responsibility.
Ahh okay. That’s not my experience, but fair enough. "
We clearly read different forums! |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No. In sickness and in health.
The op says barring serious illness.
Not all illnesses are serious, and as it were "shit happens" in life. I think relationships and people evolve, and for a partner to desire a certain aesthetic over a long period is unreasonable.
I don't think it is. I would be incredibly disappointed if my hubby decided he was going to turn into a beer bellied couch potato. I'd still love him but I'd be resentful of any medical conditions he developed because of it that impacted family life, and I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in sex as much.
These things are rarely decided, and health issues come for us all.
I think it’s rather sad that a health issue will just breed resentment over compassion. (Not directed at anyone specific, just an observation)
Health issues that are avoided are an issue. I know most like to push them under the carpet.
Do most people like to do that?
I’m not sure that’s true.
Oh on fab there is always an excuse for any issue. No one ever takes responsibility.
Ahh okay. That’s not my experience, but fair enough.
We clearly read different forums! "
Yes, that must be it. |
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"Probably not going to go down to well but here goes, AJ speaking (female half) but I’ve found looking at couples profiles it’s the ladies that mainly tend to stay in shape, lots of guys on here that think they can get by on their Mrs, well not for me you won’t, so come on Mr Couple take pride in your appearance and look after yourselves if only for health reasons and not your lovely wife, don’t just leave it to the single guys for eye candy, you can do it "
Sounds fair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably not going to go down to well but here goes, AJ speaking (female half) but I’ve found looking at couples profiles it’s the ladies that mainly tend to stay in shape, lots of guys on here that think they can get by on their Mrs, well not for me you won’t, so come on Mr Couple take pride in your appearance and look after yourselves if only for health reasons and not your lovely wife, don’t just leave it to the single guys for eye candy, you can do it
Sounds fair. "
Glad you're taking this on board mr.... but you know you're not the prize   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was a fat fuck when he met me I'm still a fat fuck now. If I lose weight it's for me. I lost tons but got unhappy and gained it. I'm feeling happier now so will try again. Only bonus is my fat stretches out the wrinkles and I got IDd yesterday again... Not bad for someons in their 26th year. Fat bonus and all that |
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"Probably not going to go down to well but here goes, AJ speaking (female half) but I’ve found looking at couples profiles it’s the ladies that mainly tend to stay in shape, lots of guys on here that think they can get by on their Mrs, well not for me you won’t, so come on Mr Couple take pride in your appearance and look after yourselves if only for health reasons and not your lovely wife, don’t just leave it to the single guys for eye candy, you can do it
Sounds fair.
Glad you're taking this on board mr.... but you know you're not the prize "
Lol true dat |
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If you both started the relationship in reasonably good shape and had a strong physical attraction for each other then through sheer laziness (laziness, not ill health blah blah blah) one of you couldn't be arsed to keep in reasonable shape whilst the other did, then don't be shocked that your partner doesn't find you attractive anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you both started the relationship in reasonably good shape and had a strong physical attraction for each other then through sheer laziness (laziness, not ill health blah blah blah) one of you couldn't be arsed to keep in reasonable shape whilst the other did, then don't be shocked that your partner doesn't find you attractive anymore."
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It is not fair for the partner if the other partner decided to just let go. So yes, you do have a responsibility to stay reasonably in shape otherwise where is the sexiness. I do understand ageing and life happens your body will not be the same as long as you don’t decide well this is it. |
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"It is not fair for the partner if the other partner decided to just let go. So yes, you do have a responsibility to stay reasonably in shape otherwise where is the sexiness. I do understand ageing and life happens your body will not be the same as long as you don’t decide well this is it."
Just like Kate Bush said "Don't give up".
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...if you have a long term partner that is.
Obviously bodies change as we get older and a few extra lbs come with that but, serious illness aside, do you owe it to your partner to stay in decent nick? Or should they love you as you are?
What's your opinion OP?"
I think I owe it to him not to be a miserable wee bastard and I know that in the past, when I was a bit heavier, I felt lethargic, less confident and less attractive. He's never once asked me to lose weight but would be honest if I asked him if I looked a bit chunky.
So for me it's probably less to do with the actual aesthetics and more to do with how "being in shape" makes me feel and therefore behave. Strong, healthy, confident, energetic and consequently sexier.
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"...if you have a long term partner that is.
Obviously bodies change as we get older and a few extra lbs come with that but, serious illness aside, do you owe it to your partner to stay in decent nick? Or should they love you as you are?"
I think it's important yes.
It's about respect.
I think about it this way, if for example you have been together for say 30 years and you still want to stay in shape for your significant other it's a sign of respect not only for yourself but the fact that you still care what they think you look like proves that you still care and love and respect their opinion.
I don't buy into this whole"they should love me regardless of my size" attitude.
Obviously people can't stop the help things like Illnesses and genetics.
I am significantly heavier now than in my 20's. However I care strongly how I look in that I want jools to still fancy me.
Even though I have put weight on I go to the gym regularly to stay healthy and try to stay in shape.
It's also about clothing and how we smell.
I like to dress nice when I can.
I still fancy her as much now as I did 33years ago, yes I might take a little longer to rise to the occasion these days but the desire and passion is still there.
A lot of that comes from love but a portion is the fact that she makes the effort to look great and takes care of herself.
Look at it another way.
If we don't care how we look how can we expect others to be attracted to us? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met my OH as a fatty, I lost over 4 stone, I gained it back (and then some) and am now on a quest to lose the same plus a few extra stone. I'm doing it for me. The fact that my man will find it easier to lift me and throw me about is a bonus for sure.
He's super supportive but very keen to reassure me that I should do it for me, not him. He'd fancy me regardless.
So for me, yes and no. Foremost, for myself, but also a little bit for him, I want to be the best version of myself for us both  |
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. My autocorrect is disalusioned 