FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Understanding the male mind
Understanding the male mind
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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They say women are complicated but some men are far worse!
There are always a few posts on here looking to gain understanding of a situation. Usually a man has left a woman feeling like a fool in some way.
Why do men do it? Is there a secret class in school where they learn how to be a dick or where to hurt a woman most?
Is it purely because they dont think and suddenly there is some jolt of conscience and they run so they don't have to face us?
At 35 I genuinely thought I was past all the drama and games. Sadly I fear I'm an easy target!
So men tell me what goes through your minds? (Aside from the desires of your penis) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They say women are complicated but some men are far worse!
There are always a few posts on here looking to gain understanding of a situation. Usually a man has left a woman feeling like a fool in some way.
Why do men do it? Is there a secret class in school where they learn how to be a dick or where to hurt a woman most?
Is it purely because they dont think and suddenly there is some jolt of conscience and they run so they don't have to face us?
At 35 I genuinely thought I was past all the drama and games. Sadly I fear I'm an easy target!
So men tell me what goes through your minds? (Aside from the desires of your penis)"
dunno what u mean luv i never went to school |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My dad always said that a 'standing prick has no conscience'. Possibly that explains some mens behaviour?"
What if it suddenly finds it at the worst moment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm more in the class of if you let someone fool you..more fool you kinda chick.  "
 If I feel hard done by I look at my role in the situation as this is the one thing I can control. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in. "
Agreed |
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed "
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately "
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away. |
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away. "
Fair point. And when you say that it makes more sense, there are people like that  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The penis can overrule the brain, when the penis is sated the brain kicks back in. It's not a conscious thing, we can't control it. Think of us as victims."
You poor loves.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times "
Exactly, gender has nothing to do with it. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times "
I agree with Gemini. It’s a personality trait that makes people treat others a particular way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men.... Women ... different wiring!
I won’t be derogatory per se - save to say after this week my enjoyment of fab somewhat declined rapidly"
Don’t let it ruin Fab for you it is a good site, we all at some point get messages that are off putting but not a reflection of everyone. I had a couple message me last week who wanted to be my human toilet how do you think I felt after, wretched lol  |
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away. "
I met a friend for coffee yesterday who is in another ‘locked in’ relationship and felt embarrassed to tell me so. He was in one when I met him that took him years to get out of. Some men court the situations they find themselves in. |
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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago
The Land that time forgot (Norfolk) |
"The penis can overrule the brain, when the penis is sated the brain kicks back in. It's not a conscious thing, we can't control it. Think of us as victims.
You poor loves.... "
I'm thinking of starting a charity |
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"I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times
I agree with Gemini. It’s a personality trait that makes people treat others a particular way "
I would agree Babs |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I'm here for drama free fun, friendship and the kind of experiences that I can look back fondly upon and think "I really enjoyed myself" years from now. Nothing more, nothing less. |
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"Men.... Women ... different wiring!
I won’t be derogatory per se - save to say after this week my enjoyment of fab somewhat declined rapidly
Don’t let it ruin Fab for you it is a good site, we all at some point get messages that are off putting but not a reflection of everyone. I had a couple message me last week who wanted to be my human toilet how do you think I felt after, wretched lol "
I imagine you did! I know it’s not a reflection of everyone but it’s that ONE comment that stands out |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away.
I met a friend for coffee yesterday who is in another ‘locked in’ relationship and felt embarrassed to tell me so. He was in one when I met him that took him years to get out of. Some men court the situations they find themselves in. "
That sounds remarkably like victim blaming there. If a woman was in that situation then it would be calling it emotional abuse, because it's a guy; hes courted the situation?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away. "
that also swings both ways too pregnancy trapping for example |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
In response to the OP, it's very hard to say why people choose to take advantage of or manipulate another. The simple answer is to gain something in the short term, then once they've got it, to leave quickly. It's the oldest trick in the book I guess; telling someone what they want to hear in order to manipulate them.
How do you guard against it in the future? Honestly, I don't know. The simple fact though is that it's not your fault and you weren't culpable in believing someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men and women are very similar they both can get hurt , there not from a different planet .. perhaps us ladies fall in love a bit quicker than guys but once a guy has found the person he loves they are capable of deep love . We all become more vulnerable once in love but it’s not a bad thing . |
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I would say I agree with Gemini.. I don't think it's a gender thing but a person thing. I do sometimes feel that after my experiences on fab and on the "dating" scene the men seem to be very good at deciding what they want and sticking to it and if it's one thing then they rarely change their minds or they seem to hide their emotions well. But then I also know woman who are like this too so again not gender specific.
Sadly we are going to have good and bad experiences in life on fab and in my case the nightmare of online dating haha but I try not to let the bad ones pull me down, especially in relation to dating. I just learn from it and move on.
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"I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times
Exactly, gender has nothing to do with it. "
well said |
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By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
None of us can ever get fully inside the mind of another, we all have to take some things on trust, and just hope we are not going to be disappointed.
Sometimes that trust is misplaced and despite hoping that it isn't, when we discover that fact it can impact on all future relationships. How often do we see that, along with the cynicism and discontent so often displayed on various threads.
It's not a man thing or a woman thing. It's a people thing. We get what we give, sometimes.....
And other times we give and get used. It's the nature of life, not just fab... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also, if women keep on choosing wrong un’s, then surely it’s better to stop and reflect upon what is making them choose said wrong uns.
We have a choice in who we choose."
We can only choose going on what we have before us. If someone is pretending to be something they aren't, we don't have all the information.
Some people change too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men and women are very similar they both can get hurt , there not from a different planet .. perhaps us ladies fall in love a bit quicker than guys but once a guy has found the person he loves they are capable of deep love . We all become more vulnerable once in love but it’s not a bad thing . "
.
Very true |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
"Also, if women keep on choosing wrong un’s, then surely it’s better to stop and reflect upon what is making them choose said wrong uns.
We have a choice in who we choose.
We can only choose going on what we have before us. If someone is pretending to be something they aren't, we don't have all the information.
Some people change too."
But surely that only happens once?
Once you’ve been with someone who does that you get wise to that behaviour? You’ve lived it, you learn from it and you check out that the next person you get involved with isn’t like that?
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It is definitely not just a male trait, all to often I see women manipulating men to get what they desire.
Everyone at some point has fallen for it, yes it hurts at the time. However, for me you have to learn from that experience, become a bit thicker skinned and not trust so easily, don’t be swayed by words but someone’s true actions
More importantly for me, is remembering how you felt when it happened to you and ensuring you NEVER make someone else feel like that
Be honest to yourselves and others, just be truthful and open |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow I did a thread 5 years ago inquiring into understanding a woman’s mind, that in my mind wasn’t derogatory towards women at all. I was roasted and flamed on the Forum spit. I was accused of misogyny and torn asunder in a verbal tirade. Times have changed. |
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"Wow I did a thread 5 years ago inquiring into understanding a woman’s mind, that in my mind wasn’t derogatory towards women at all. I was roasted and flamed on the Forum spit. I was accused of misogyny and torn asunder in a verbal tirade. Times have changed. "
Shhhhhh first rule of double standards club is dont mention the double standards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow I did a thread 5 years ago inquiring into understanding a woman’s mind, that in my mind wasn’t derogatory towards women at all. I was roasted and flamed on the Forum spit. I was accused of misogyny and torn asunder in a verbal tirade. Times have changed.
Shhhhhh first rule of double standards club is dont mention the double standards "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't tell you because usually it's the other way round for me.... I've never had it in me to be horrible to a woman, I've never hurt and I've always treated women with respect. Im just not like the stereotyped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The penis can overrule the brain, when the penis is sated the brain kicks back in. It's not a conscious thing, we can't control it. Think of us as victims."
Im starting a victim support group... queue this way please  |
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Not all men are dicks,
Some women are dicks too
I don't think you can pin thoughtless or bad behaviour to just 1 gender.
Jack is genuinely a nice ,decent man and I know of several others too .
Sorry you have been hurt OP,but good guys still exist
Miss |
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By *traycatMan
over a year ago
Canterbury |
We are all different. Also in regards if one man doesn't show you respect doesn't necessarily mean another one won't. Usually the younger men or similar age to you I'd imagine. I hadn't grown up until I was 36; I'd finally been 18 years an adult. Try an older man perhaps? |
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away.
I met a friend for coffee yesterday who is in another ‘locked in’ relationship and felt embarrassed to tell me so. He was in one when I met him that took him years to get out of. Some men court the situations they find themselves in.
That sounds remarkably like victim blaming there. If a woman was in that situation then it would be calling it emotional abuse, because it's a guy; hes courted the situation? "
If you knew him you’d know where I’m coming from |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Also, if women keep on choosing wrong un’s, then surely it’s better to stop and reflect upon what is making them choose said wrong uns.
We have a choice in who we choose.
We can only choose going on what we have before us. If someone is pretending to be something they aren't, we don't have all the information.
Some people change too.
But surely that only happens once?
Once you’ve been with someone who does that you get wise to that behaviour? You’ve lived it, you learn from it and you check out that the next person you get involved with isn’t like that?
"
If it's normal behaviour how do you know they will change, or are lying? Until they change, or are caught lying you're none the wiser.
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Its not a gender thing at all. Men and women can be lovely or downright evil. While ive been on fab ive never encounted a bad guy and thats nearly 13 years. Chose wisely. Become astute. Dont give chances. Read between the lines |
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I have only read the first two replies.
Why think that the man hurt you ?
If I end a relationship and the 'bloke' is 'hurt' ...... then he has to deal with it like an adult.
I trust you are not talking about sadism but just ordinary every day relationships. |
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"Male ego is a fragile thing along with insecurity, can often be root causes of a man’s bad behaviour..."
What is 'a man's bad behaviour' ?
So often phrases are splurged on posts and they have NO substance...
What is it ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't believe it's gender specific.
We are all affected by our own life experiences and some handle it better than others. Lots of breakdowns are more to do with what's unsaid rather than said. My motto has always been that I can't be hurt by truth, but not everyone is capable or wants to let you in. Both genders have insecurities that make them behave in a way that's not always clear.
The key is working out who's worth letting close.  |
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"The penis can overrule the brain, when the penis is sated the brain kicks back in. It's not a conscious thing, we can't control it. Think of us as victims.
You poor loves....
I'm thinking of starting a charity"
I will donate heavily ....... very heavily |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in. "
...just like that film. The Eagle Has Landed! |
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"Wow I did a thread 5 years ago inquiring into understanding a woman’s mind, that in my mind wasn’t derogatory towards women at all. I was roasted and flamed on the Forum spit. I was accused of misogyny and torn asunder in a verbal tirade. Times have changed. "
ohhhhhhhhhhh can you find it for us ? |
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There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away.
I met a friend for coffee yesterday who is in another ‘locked in’ relationship and felt embarrassed to tell me so. He was in one when I met him that took him years to get out of. Some men court the situations they find themselves in.
That sounds remarkably like victim blaming there. If a woman was in that situation then it would be calling it emotional abuse, because it's a guy; hes courted the situation? "
|
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"Unfortunately it's often because we let them.
I couldn't think of a way to word that without it being anti men. There are plenty of women out there doing it too.
They sense vulnerability and swoop in.
Agreed
If the bloke is really doing that then it’s a bad person, nothing to do with being male or female.
Someone like that should be kicked out of your life immediately
I agree but often they manipulate you and you don't realise until you are in too deep. There are so many people in abusive relationships because they can't just walk away. "
I could say woman do the same, manipulate even better, enough said they have vagina and man as someone noticed thinking with dick, therefore it's much easier for woman to manipulate man  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't believe it's gender specific.
We are all affected by our own life experiences and some handle it better than others. Lots of breakdowns are more to do with what's unsaid rather than said. My motto has always been that I can't be hurt by truth, but not everyone is capable or wants to let you in. Both genders have insecurities that make them behave in a way that's not always clear.
The key is working out who's worth letting close. "
|
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
"We need an awakening as a race, and find out Why we always want to hurt each other "
Yes, I think people generally act out of their own pain. Only love and kindness can break the cycle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave up with this thread half way down...... .....when people start treating other people as people indmstaed of a gender then we'll be equal and shit will be a lot easier to understand and explain. Taking gender sides in an argument gives you an instant 50% weighting but it also gives you the same opposition and what have we learned recently about 50:50 conflict resolution.....
Sad at pretty much everything written here, except for PM's wisdom of accepting your own roleans looking for improvement....
Peace innit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We need an awakening as a race, and find out Why we always want to hurt each other
Yes, I think people generally act out of their own pain. Only love and kindness can break the cycle. "
Feels like we always look for someone to beat on who will take the pain for us, willingly or not, rather than solve it for ourselves with kindness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I gave up with this thread half way down...... .....when people start treating other people as people indmstaed of a gender then we'll be equal and shit will be a lot easier to understand and explain. Taking gender sides in an argument gives you an instant 50% weighting but it also gives you the same opposition and what have we learned recently about 50:50 conflict resolution.....
Sad at pretty much everything written here, except for PM's wisdom of accepting your own roleans looking for improvement....
Peace innit "
I accept my own role in having shit typing above and I'll be looking to improve.....  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people. "
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to. "
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to. "
Totally agree. Was actually the subject of thread I was thinking about.. round peg, square hole. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer..... "
Have to agree with this too. They can invent a future that just isnt happening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Totally agree. Was actually the subject of thread I was thinking about.. round peg, square hole. "
Perv!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Totally agree. Was actually the subject of thread I was thinking about.. round peg, square hole.
Perv! "
Not that kinda pegging..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Totally agree. Was actually the subject of thread I was thinking about.. round peg, square hole.
Perv!
Not that kinda pegging.. "
Just, you said hole and it made me moist.... |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer..... "
I think it's a case of projecting feelings and emotions onto the other person and making the evidence fit the desire.
We don't do that in any other situation in life though, we don't agree to buy a cheeseburger then complain when it's not a big mac. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Totally agree. Was actually the subject of thread I was thinking about.. round peg, square hole.
Perv!
Not that kinda pegging..
Just, you said hole and it made me moist.... "
Yeah... A thread about pegging holes might get a different reaction than intended...
Anyway, we're derailing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer.....
I think it's a case of projecting feelings and emotions onto the other person and making the evidence fit the desire.
We don't do that in any other situation in life though, we don't agree to buy a cheeseburger then complain when it's not a big mac. "
There's a lot of that on here.. people not taking responsibility for their own actions and creating situations that upset them of their own participation. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer.....
I think it's a case of projecting feelings and emotions onto the other person and making the evidence fit the desire.
We don't do that in any other situation in life though, we don't agree to buy a cheeseburger then complain when it's not a big mac.
There's a lot of that on here.. people not taking responsibility for their own actions and creating situations that upset them of their own participation. "
Exactly, then blaming the other person for 'making them' feel a certain way.
There are those that wilfully lead others on and manipulate, there are others who do it to themselves. Self awareness and managing our own emotions is crucial, I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer.....
I think it's a case of projecting feelings and emotions onto the other person and making the evidence fit the desire.
We don't do that in any other situation in life though, we don't agree to buy a cheeseburger then complain when it's not a big mac.
There's a lot of that on here.. people not taking responsibility for their own actions and creating situations that upset them of their own participation.
Exactly, then blaming the other person for 'making them' feel a certain way.
There are those that wilfully lead others on and manipulate, there are others who do it to themselves. Self awareness and managing our own emotions is crucial, I think. "
There's a huge lack of self awareness on here sometimes. It's so easy to slate the other person for not being what you want them to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is an important point ( to my mind ) that hasn't been mentioned.
Some people - NOT having been offered ANYTHING other than sexual acquaintance - create an alternative reality based on their own wants and blame the other when it doesn't fully materialise.
Some people let themselves down.
I agree with Gemini that it's personality not gender. It happens to people.
I agree with this. I'm not saying that it's the situation in this case but often people get hurt because of what they hoped for rather than what was on offer or agreed to.
Fuck yes! Ppl can see what they want in a person, often not what's on offer.....
I think it's a case of projecting feelings and emotions onto the other person and making the evidence fit the desire.
We don't do that in any other situation in life though, we don't agree to buy a cheeseburger then complain when it's not a big mac.
There's a lot of that on here.. people not taking responsibility for their own actions and creating situations that upset them of their own participation.
Exactly, then blaming the other person for 'making them' feel a certain way.
There are those that wilfully lead others on and manipulate, there are others who do it to themselves. Self awareness and managing our own emotions is crucial, I think.
There's a huge lack of self awareness on here sometimes. It's so easy to slate the other person for not being what you want them to be. "
I'm wherever you want me to be. Think my profile says as much....
(hope other ppl don't take it literally) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow I did a thread 5 years ago inquiring into understanding a woman’s mind, that in my mind wasn’t derogatory towards women at all. I was roasted and flamed on the Forum spit. I was accused of misogyny and torn asunder in a verbal tirade. Times have changed.
ohhhhhhhhhhh can you find it for us ?"
I’ll see |
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By *arex2Couple
over a year ago
Bradford |
"I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times "
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By *arex2Couple
over a year ago
Bradford |
"I tend not to think of it as a men vs women thing - more a people thing - there will always be those that seek to take advantage, to think they're the only thing that matters, who lack respect and consideration and think it's ok to walk all over people - just as there will always be people who are the complete polar opposite of that, and those that fall somewhere in between.
The problem is not men, it's not women, it's people and people are strange at times "
This! Come on ladies..... You shouldn't be tarring us all with the same brush. That's just not how it is. If we said this kinda crap, we'd be deemed sexiist, misogynistic bastards. You're wrong.... End of! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't think I'm blameless in my situation at all. I also should point out it's not a fab type scenario. Men and women confuse each other all the time because communication falls down . Things are not always said that should be or things are misinterpreted.
I don't think there's a right or wrong. I'm sure if you asked my ex husband I was a complete puzzle.
I guess it's all down to experiences that we each bring to the table. Our expectations and our hopes and needs.
Sometimes people are honest with each other but perhaps not entirely with themselves.
I'm sorry if my post has offended anyone. I'm not anti men. Not even him (although right now I wish I was)
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I have to say I have utmost respect for some of the people who have given advice. I would suggest that unfortunately it supports the usual male backlash of claiming there is an equal playing field and supporting victim blaming.
In regard to victim blaming I would be clear by distinguishing between personal responsibility and victim blaming. Civil society works on trust and that the person you are in a relationship with or intending to have a relationship is honest about their intentions. It is sad that we blame people for trusting. The fault lies entirely with the liar or abuser. It is different when someone knowingly enters into a situation with a known liar.
In terms of the backlash it is not an equal playing field between men and women. There has been a culture of 'boys will be boys' and 'a standing cock has no conscience' in society for years. These are excuses for poor male behaviour there are no similar excuses for women. There is a great sketch by Eddie Izzard about men feeling they have won by tricking women to sleep with them.
There are, I would suggest, too many men who are either desperate for sex or narcissistic, for me to feel this is a problem that is finely balanced between the genders. I say this without believing all women are perfect.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because from an evolutionary perspective men are more likely to want to sow their seed / fuck and run. Unfortunately despite the millennia of evolutionary progress, for some their brains / social skills / sense of decency have not caught up.
Alternatively the little head overrules the big head! |
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