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Lame but funny jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'll start.........How do you make a hormone?

Dont pay her!...

paaahahahahaha!?!?

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Wow brill

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?

Attire!

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS over a year ago

Stockport

What's yellow and black and dangerous?

Shark infested custard

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you get pikachu on a bus ?

Pokemon

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By *astyEricMan over a year ago

Hull

What's small, white, lives underground and eat rocks?

White Little Rock eater who lives underground

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you make a sausage roll?

Push it.

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By *voryforebonyMan over a year ago

boogie town

What flies in the sky and wobbles?

A Jellycopter...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s big, red and eats rocks?

A big red rock eater

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's green and goes up and down?

A gooseberry in a lift

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What comes out of your nose at 200mph?

A Lamborgreeny

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How many times must you tick an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles!

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

What cheese would you use to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrghh.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin"

Or a newspaper

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

Or a newspaper

Or an embarassed Nun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..

The plot thickens.

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By *ara JTV/TS over a year ago

Bristol East

Did you hear about the two aerials who got married?

Wedding was fabulous but the reception was terrible.

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By *hrisAndKatieCouple over a year ago

stevenage

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

To say hello to the ugly person ...

Knock knock

Whos there?

The chicken

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What goes ha ha ha plonk?

A man laughing his head off

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By *rystalTipsandAlistairCouple over a year ago

Barnard Castle

Having the Sunday dinner with the Whole family this weekend. My neighbour's....... Mr & Mrs Whole and their 2 kids Plug & Arse.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you tried the spicy curry tarka?

It’s like tikka but otter....

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

How do you when an elephants been in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a greenfly with no legs or wings........ A bogey!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Put your hand in its pocket and tickle its balls!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Doyoulickalotopus

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By *im ZeeMan over a year ago

north staffs

What do you call a nun on a bike?

Virgin Mobile

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By *linyMan over a year ago

Manchester/London

[Removed by poster at 16/05/19 10:10:40]

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By *linyMan over a year ago

Manchester/London

German sausage jokes are the wurst

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

What do you call a cow with no legs? ...ground beef..

What's the fastest cake in the world?.....scone...

What flavour crisps fly? ....plane..

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

Crime in a multi storey car park.

That’s wrong on so many levels.

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By *im ZeeMan over a year ago

north staffs

What do we want?”

“Anagrams!”

“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”

“Own!”

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

Bloody foreigner, coming over 'ere wanting to know what love is!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is there veggie option.

Yes spit the chicken out

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By *erriAnneTV/TS over a year ago

The shire

What's pink and hard.... A pig with a flick knife

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

A bloke walks into a drum kit...

fuddlladum pfff tish!

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

What's long, pink and very hard?

The financial times crossword

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By *ichelangeloxMan over a year ago

cambridge

What’s better than a rose on your piano...

Lips on your organ!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did the cannibal say after eating a clown?

That tasted a bit funny.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Horse walks into a pub

Landlord; why the long face

Hoof off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A few new books out this year

Cat in the Bed by Clawd Balls

Babies Revenge by Nora Titsoff

Cum on the Ceiling by Ivor Longshot

Old chinese proverb say - Man who go to bed with problem in hand, wake up with solution on chest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Entered a blindfolded masturbation competition the other day.

No idea where I came

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

Man walks into a bar........

Ouch!

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By *xperimentalistMan over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"Entered a blindfolded masturbation competition the other day.

No idea where I came"

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By *im ZeeMan over a year ago

north staffs

I'm ashamed to say that my knowledge of arthritis was zero. So I bought and read a book about it.

Now everything seems to click...

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By *orraine999Woman over a year ago

Somewhere

"What do you call a nun on a bike?

Virgin Mobile"

This is a solid 10. I couldn't stop laughing.

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By *ldskoolvaluesMan over a year ago

The thick of it!

Your profile?!?!?

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

Dyslexic walks into a bra...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between an egg and a wank

You can beat an egg you can't beat a wank

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you wake Lady Gaga up???

Poke her face

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By *ouis CyphreMan over a year ago

The Midlands

What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his teeth?

A glad-he-ate-her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When a fire breaks out at a swingers club at around 9.15 pm...

It causes premature evacuation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How does Mario talk to his dead brother?"

"With a Luigi Board."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My wife went to the West Indies..

"Jamaica?"

No, she went on her own accord..

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By *urls and DressesWoman over a year ago

Somewhere near here

What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?

A penguin rolling down a hill.

The only joke I remember

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By *acktar74Man over a year ago

leeds

What do you call a bear with out teeth

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"What do we want?”

“Anagrams!”

“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”

“Own!”"

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I was complimented on my driving the other day . I got back to my car and there was a note on the windscreen that " Parking Fine " . That was nice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reading a book on levitation at the moment..

I can't put it down

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm addicted to porn magazines...it's got out of hand

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My wife went to the West Indies..

"Jamaica?"

No, she went on her own accord.."

My wife went to China.

Peking?

No, she had a jolly good look around.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do women have periods?

COZ THEY DESERVE UM HEHE

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By *erriAnneTV/TS over a year ago

The shire

I've just bought myself new Bluetooth wireless shears for the garden.

It's cutting hedge technology!!!

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

"My wife went to the West Indies..

"Jamaica?"

No, she went on her own accord.."

Her next world stop was Indonesia...

Jakarta...?

No she flew..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Old lady says to her husband, ‘ my nipples feel as hot today as they did 50 years ago’

Husband replies, ‘ that’s because ones in your coffee and the others in your porridge ‘

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By *imandHerNottsCouple over a year ago

North Notts

What’s pink and sticks to windows?

Condomsation!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Holidaymakers on Blackpool guest house doorstep " can we stop here" .

"Yes-stop there" slams door

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham

Roman centurion walks into a bar, raises 2 fingers and says 5 beers please....

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

"Roman centurion walks into a bar, raises 2 fingers and says 5 beers please.... "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Roman centurion walks into a bar, raises 2 fingers and says 5 beers please....

eh"

V is the Roman numeral 5

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

"Roman centurion walks into a bar, raises 2 fingers and says 5 beers please....

V is the Roman numeral 5

Yes thankuuuuuuu doc I know this....o yeh....

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By *andonmessMan over a year ago

A world all of his own

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?

Nothing, it just gave out a little whine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's pink and wrinkley and hangs out of your grandads Y fronts...

Your grandma of course

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By *lutandhubbyCouple over a year ago

west midlands

Has anyone lost £400 in £10 notes wrapped in 6 green elastic bands by the shops?

I've found your elastic bands

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I asked two men wearing identical clothes if they were gay.

They quickly arrested me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve just put diesel in the escort by mistake

That’s her dead.

I went to the zoo yesterday and watched the monkeys wanking.

Then got shot out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs or head?

Matt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Duck walks into a bar says to the barman ‘got any bread’ Barman ‘ No , duck got any bread , bar man no , duck ‘got any bread? Bar man ‘ ask me agsin I’ll nail your beak to the bar! Duck ‘ got any nails?’ Barman NO , Duck ‘ got any Bread’

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By *ntrigued32Couple over a year ago

Nottingham

What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head?

Edwood

What do you call a man with 3 planks of wood on his head?

Edwood Woodwood

What do you call a man with 4 planks of wood on his head?

I don’t know, but Edwood Woodwood wood!

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By *ORDERMANMan over a year ago

wrexham