So last night my mother informed me that for a week I have had a neice. "Aww, how sweet" you may be thinking, but the reality is so unbelievably fucked up.
So 3 years ago my dad told me that I would be an uncle shortly, that my sister was 7 months pregnant. This is generally the kind of information that one likes to get from the people who made our new family member, but nope it came from my dad.
At the moment my dad doesn't know and last night my mum made me promise not to tell him otherwise she would "fall out" with me. Now I feel like my dad has a right to know that he has a granddaughter. If I don't tell him, then finds out that I knew and didn't tell him he will feel betrayed by him. If I do tell him then my mum will stop talking to me.
All of this is my bitch sisters fault because she wont grow up and deal with the situation, she prefers to let the whispers and the gossip cause animosity within our family.
Do you guys have any advice? I'd sure appreciate it.  |
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Family secrets eh. We have a "situation" in our family. The way we deal with it is by being truthful to everyone. It has caused people to not speak to us but we prefer to be up front with things like that.
In my opinion you just continue the secrecy by keeping quiet.
Only you know your family though. |
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Family politics always tricky
Personally ... it's not for you to say.
You go with the party line that you're sick of the internal bickering such that you say nothing about anything because it's easier that way
Not sure about your timings ... assume you mean 3 months ago .. not 3 years
In which case he can do the maths and work out ruhr baby must have been born by now
Seems a bit much that you hadn't found out for a week also
You can choose friends ... but family you're born with |
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Sorry, I don't understand why your dad isn't allowed to see or know of his grandkids. Is there some kind of issue there?
It's an awkward position to be in I agree, but ultimately it's your sister's choice whether your dad gets to know about his grandchild. She may have good reason.
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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
So 3 years ago my dad told me that I would be an uncle shortly, that my sister was 7 months pregnant. This is generally the kind of information that one likes to get from the people who made our new family member, but nope it came from my dad.
How is it a secret from your Dad?
Sorry if being thick xx |
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"Family secrets eh. We have a "situation" in our family. The way we deal with it is by being truthful to everyone. It has caused people to not speak to us but we prefer to be up front with things like that.
In my opinion you just continue the secrecy by keeping quiet.
Only you know your family though. "
This is how I would prefer it and what I'm aiming for. |
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"Family politics always tricky
Personally ... it's not for you to say.
You go with the party line that you're sick of the internal bickering such that you say nothing about anything because it's easier that way
Not sure about your timings ... assume you mean 3 months ago .. not 3 years
In which case he can do the maths and work out ruhr baby must have been born by now
Seems a bit much that you hadn't found out for a week also
You can choose friends ... but family you're born with"
My niece is her second child, my nephew was born 3 years ago, but it was my dad who told me. This is why I'm torn about telling him because he told me about my nephew. |
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"Sorry, I don't understand why your dad isn't allowed to see or know of his grandkids. Is there some kind of issue there?
It's an awkward position to be in I agree, but ultimately it's your sister's choice whether your dad gets to know about his grandchild. She may have good reason.
"
She stopped talking to him because he told me how she used me as an excuse to not see him. Naturally I hit the roof about this. Both me and my sister have never gotten on, sibling rivalry and stuff. The difference is, like my dad, is that I've actually attempted to mend the broken situation and had it thrown back in my face every time. |
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"Family secrets eh. We have a "situation" in our family. The way we deal with it is by being truthful to everyone. It has caused people to not speak to us but we prefer to be up front with things like that.
In my opinion you just continue the secrecy by keeping quiet.
Only you know your family though.
This is how I would prefer it and what I'm aiming for."
I would say though that you need to be aware that your sister and father have a different relationship than you and your father and I'm assuming that it's safe for your father to know |
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"Tell ya mum grow the fuck up
And tell ur dad the truth if shes gonna fall out over trivial shit id personally not care if she fell out with me"
I think I might. She defends my sister to the hilt even though she is clearly in the wrong. I wasnt invited to my sisters wedding, I went as my mums plus one. This was done to stop my mrs going, rather than growing up and trying to get on. Her childishness astounds me. |
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"Sorry, I don't understand why your dad isn't allowed to see or know of his grandkids. Is there some kind of issue there?
It's an awkward position to be in I agree, but ultimately it's your sister's choice whether your dad gets to know about his grandchild. She may have good reason.
She stopped talking to him because he told me how she used me as an excuse to not see him. Naturally I hit the roof about this. Both me and my sister have never gotten on, sibling rivalry and stuff. The difference is, like my dad, is that I've actually attempted to mend the broken situation and had it thrown back in my face every time."
Step back from it. Keep the channels of communication open with all family members and try to remain neutral. |
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"Family secrets eh. We have a "situation" in our family. The way we deal with it is by being truthful to everyone. It has caused people to not speak to us but we prefer to be up front with things like that.
In my opinion you just continue the secrecy by keeping quiet.
Only you know your family though.
This is how I would prefer it and what I'm aiming for.
I would say though that you need to be aware that your sister and father have a different relationship than you and your father and I'm assuming that it's safe for your father to know "
Yeah, he isn't a criminal in anyway. He isn't a bad influence, just somebody who wants to to see his grandchildren grow up and for his children to get along. Not too much to ask in my opinion. |
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"Family secrets eh. We have a "situation" in our family. The way we deal with it is by being truthful to everyone. It has caused people to not speak to us but we prefer to be up front with things like that.
In my opinion you just continue the secrecy by keeping quiet.
Only you know your family though.
This is how I would prefer it and what I'm aiming for.
I would say though that you need to be aware that your sister and father have a different relationship than you and your father and I'm assuming that it's safe for your father to know
Yeah, he isn't a criminal in anyway. He isn't a bad influence, just somebody who wants to to see his grandchildren grow up and for his children to get along. Not too much to ask in my opinion."
Remain neutral as I said above. |
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"Yeah you are probably right. Doesn't stop me wanting to knock some reality into my sister. "
You want to knock your reality into her. It's not the same as hers. Family members have different relationships with each other. You haven't lived her life.
Good luck  |
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"Yeah you are probably right. Doesn't stop me wanting to knock some reality into my sister.
You want to knock your reality into her. It's not the same as hers. Family members have different relationships with each other. You haven't lived her life.
Good luck "
Nor has she lived mine, or even taken the remotest interest. She is an awful human being who is willing to weaponise her children for the sake of a minor family disagreement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell ya mum grow the fuck up
And tell ur dad the truth if shes gonna fall out over trivial shit id personally not care if she fell out with me
I think I might. She defends my sister to the hilt even though she is clearly in the wrong. I wasnt invited to my sisters wedding, I went as my mums plus one. This was done to stop my mrs going, rather than growing up and trying to get on. Her childishness astounds me."
there ya go then |
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"Yeah you are probably right. Doesn't stop me wanting to knock some reality into my sister.
You want to knock your reality into her. It's not the same as hers. Family members have different relationships with each other. You haven't lived her life.
Good luck
Nor has she lived mine, or even taken the remotest interest. She is an awful human being who is willing to weaponise her children for the sake of a minor family disagreement."
OK. My opinion is that you can continue the family rift or show by your behaviour how you'd like a family to be  |
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