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Do you categorise yourself here?
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I'm not usually troubled by these things, and I'll get over it, but I'm chewing on it at the moment.
I've lost a bit of weight recently. Not sure how much, because I've also gained noticeable muscle. But I'm down two dress sizes (and more cup sizes  ).
I'd finally... finally started to accept myself as a bigger woman, plus size, BBW, what have you. And while losing weight is good for me (I'm not commenting on anyone else), I love my new fitness routine, etc, I feel conflicted about no longer being "big". The tipping point was realising that I'm now a size 14, which I haven't been in several years (in fact I was a size 24 at one point).
I fought hard to accept myself as I am, and I feel a bit like someone's unmoored me. I don't know if that makes sense. |
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"I'm not usually troubled by these things, and I'll get over it, but I'm chewing on it at the moment.
I've lost a bit of weight recently. Not sure how much, because I've also gained noticeable muscle. But I'm down two dress sizes (and more cup sizes ).
I'd finally... finally started to accept myself as a bigger woman, plus size, BBW, what have you. And while losing weight is good for me (I'm not commenting on anyone else), I love my new fitness routine, etc, I feel conflicted about no longer being "big". The tipping point was realising that I'm now a size 14, which I haven't been in several years (in fact I was a size 24 at one point).
I fought hard to accept myself as I am, and I feel a bit like someone's unmoored me. I don't know if that makes sense. "
Presumably you prefer not being big? |
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"Presumably you prefer not being big? "
It's better for me. But I've felt more confident as a size 16/18 in the last year or so than I've ever felt, including during that moment in my 20s when I was a skinny size 10. I know the confidence has nothing to do with my size (and I'm blowing this way out of proportion in my head), but I still feel a bit confused about it. I've accepted myself as x and am now becoming not x. |
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Well done you. I know sort of what you mean. I've lost a little bit of weight recently but in my minds eye I still see myself as fat. I post and take so many pics of myself because I'm trying to see myself as others see me. Its a bit unnerving when what you think you look like and what you actually do look like are the same. Sorry if I've not made much sense x |
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"Well done you. I know sort of what you mean. I've lost a little bit of weight recently but in my minds eye I still see myself as fat. I post and take so many pics of myself because I'm trying to see myself as others see me. Its a bit unnerving when what you think you look like and what you actually do look like are the same. Sorry if I've not made much sense x"
That's exactly it.
That and I'm sitting on a BBW party invitation at the moment and I'm feeling a bit like a fraud. |
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You’re still you, just a thinner version who has a bigger choice of clothes and looks different in the mirror.
The bit that makes you really you is on the inside, that’s the awesome part 
Don’t worry about labels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im a 5ft 9 13 stone 2 mix of old muscle covered by a pleasing layer of soft cuddly fat and a strong athletic barrel chested stocky physique with surprising agility |
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"Im a 5ft 9 13 stone 2 mix of old muscle covered by a pleasing layer of soft cuddly fat and a strong athletic barrel chested stocky physique with surprising agility "
What’s that in a 3 letter acronym?  |
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"Well done you. I know sort of what you mean. I've lost a little bit of weight recently but in my minds eye I still see myself as fat. I post and take so many pics of myself because I'm trying to see myself as others see me. Its a bit unnerving when what you think you look like and what you actually do look like are the same. Sorry if I've not made much sense x
That's exactly it.
That and I'm sitting on a BBW party invitation at the moment and I'm feeling a bit like a fraud. "
Don't categorise yourself. Just see yourself as a woman, a sexy one, and see the invite as a party invite x |
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It's like any change, it takes a while to get your head round it.
Particularly if you've been one way for a while, it's a big shift in your perception of yourself.
Like if you dye your hair, it catches you unawares when you catch sight of yourself in the mirror for a bit but then eventually that change becomes your new normal.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im a 5ft 9 13 stone 2 mix of old muscle covered by a pleasing layer of soft cuddly fat and a strong athletic barrel chested stocky physique with surprising agility
What’s that in a 3 letter acronym? "
fam fine arsed male  |
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I've read that this is how quite a few people feel when they successfully lose weight. If you think about it you got used to being that person, BBW or whatever you want to call it. You're no longer her, it's bound to knock you off course a bit. However whatever your external appearance you're still basically the same inside.
It's a great achievement though, bloody good for you. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I'm not usually troubled by these things, and I'll get over it, but I'm chewing on it at the moment.
I've lost a bit of weight recently. Not sure how much, because I've also gained noticeable muscle. But I'm down two dress sizes (and more cup sizes ).
I'd finally... finally started to accept myself as a bigger woman, plus size, BBW, what have you. And while losing weight is good for me (I'm not commenting on anyone else), I love my new fitness routine, etc, I feel conflicted about no longer being "big". The tipping point was realising that I'm now a size 14, which I haven't been in several years (in fact I was a size 24 at one point).
I fought hard to accept myself as I am, and I feel a bit like someone's unmoored me. I don't know if that makes sense. "
You have lost a bit of weight well done that's great your pics look great don't worry about it stay healthy and just be yourself xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I know what you mean.
Do you almost feel like you've accepted a phoney? Like the person you accepted or believe you accepted isn't the same one anymore?
I had that when my weight dropped, and then I was confused as to whether I was accepting myself as WHO I was on the inside like I thought I was doing, or was I happier down to the weight loss.
I 100% believe mine was a combination of the 2. I lost the weight once the negative driving force in my life was gone, which in turn boosted my confidence because of the weight loss but because the cloud of the past was lifting.
However, I had a huge crisis whilst slim where I had to build my confidence back from the ground up, much the same as I had to find my confidence again whilst large to rifle myself of the toxic person in my life.
My advice, don't overthink the reasoning, embrace the feeling of being a happier you.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not usually troubled by these things, and I'll get over it, but I'm chewing on it at the moment.
I've lost a bit of weight recently. Not sure how much, because I've also gained noticeable muscle. But I'm down two dress sizes (and more cup sizes ).
I'd finally... finally started to accept myself as a bigger woman, plus size, BBW, what have you. And while losing weight is good for me (I'm not commenting on anyone else), I love my new fitness routine, etc, I feel conflicted about no longer being "big". The tipping point was realising that I'm now a size 14, which I haven't been in several years (in fact I was a size 24 at one point).
I fought hard to accept myself as I am, and I feel a bit like someone's unmoored me. I don't know if that makes sense. "
As we change physically, we change mentally. It's good you're thinking about it, I wouldn't dwell on it too much. Just concentrate on accepting yourself for who you are, not what you are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I know what you mean.
Do you almost feel like you've accepted a phoney? Like the person you accepted or believe you accepted isn't the same one anymore?
I had that when my weight dropped, and then I was confused as to whether I was accepting myself as WHO I was on the inside like I thought I was doing, or was I happier down to the weight loss.
I 100% believe mine was a combination of the 2. I lost the weight once the negative driving force in my life was gone, which in turn boosted my confidence because of the weight loss but because the cloud of the past was lifting.
However, I had a huge crisis whilst slim where I had to build my confidence back from the ground up, much the same as I had to find my confidence again whilst large to rifle myself of the toxic person in my life.
My advice, don't overthink the reasoning, embrace the feeling of being a happier you.
P"
Now I know why you wanted to become a sniper!
I never categorised myself before coming on here, but now I would say I am deluded.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah I was the same. Before joining fab (first time round) I had lost a lot of weight but I was kinda used to being the bigger girl and acted accordingly. I had myself listed as "large" body type and felt drawn to bbw type threads. It took a bit of convincing but when you finally start to see yourself differently it's a great boost.
Well done on losing the weight though. It does feel so much better being healthier x |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Presumably you prefer not being big?
It's better for me. But I've felt more confident as a size 16/18 in the last year or so than I've ever felt, including during that moment in my 20s when I was a skinny size 10. I know the confidence has nothing to do with my size (and I'm blowing this way out of proportion in my head), but I still feel a bit confused about it. I've accepted myself as x and am now becoming not x. "
I know exactly how you feel, it's something that I had trouble with a few years ago and still do at times.
The way I see it is that you learnt to accept yourself as the way that you were, as being larger and you accepted the label BBW. As things have changed, much as its a positive thing, when you lose that label it then feels a little like losing that part of yourself and that acceptance.
Much as people may say that labels aren't important, they are, we use them for ourselves all the time; wife, mother, daughter, husband, boss, etc, etc. They help us to define who we are. If one of those labels become unstuck then it's natural to feel a little 'lost' as to who we 'are'.
There isn't really a simple answer, it's about accepting the change and embracing the new.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I know what you mean.
Do you almost feel like you've accepted a phoney? Like the person you accepted or believe you accepted isn't the same one anymore?
I had that when my weight dropped, and then I was confused as to whether I was accepting myself as WHO I was on the inside like I thought I was doing, or was I happier down to the weight loss.
I 100% believe mine was a combination of the 2. I lost the weight once the negative driving force in my life was gone, which in turn boosted my confidence because of the weight loss but because the cloud of the past was lifting.
However, I had a huge crisis whilst slim where I had to build my confidence back from the ground up, much the same as I had to find my confidence again whilst large to rifle myself of the toxic person in my life.
My advice, don't overthink the reasoning, embrace the feeling of being a happier you.
P
Now I know why you wanted to become a sniper!
I never categorised myself before coming on here, but now I would say I am deluded.."
Damn phone changed rid to rifle 
Same diff 
P |
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Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I think it'll come, it's just thrown me a little.
After a lifetime of being a people pleaser, lacking self confidence, I suppose I've become "I am who I am and I don't give a damn". Getting that back when I'm "conforming" by losing weight will be an adjustment! (although I suspect the form of my weight loss comes with its own issues, as the scale isn't moving downward, I'm putting on muscle).
The categories on here don't help at all. But Fab is hardly a mental health sanctuary. |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x"
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW? |
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I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW? "
People can call themselves what they want. Most people have pictures on to show their shape or size. Who are they harming? X |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW? "
I suspect in this case it's more that the lines are blurred, not that they don't exist. And/or they're not worth putting stock in. (which cognitively I know. About everyone else) |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW?
People can call themselves what they want. Most people have pictures on to show their shape or size. Who are they harming? X"
Well, if someone says they want to meet a BBW and someone who is size 8 responds saying they are a BBW, I'd suggest they're wasting peoples time. |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's "
I find these kinds of comments bizarre on threads like these to be honest. I'm sorry if it's unkind, but my identity and ways of fitting myself into categories don't relate to your sexual preferences. |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW?
People can call themselves what they want. Most people have pictures on to show their shape or size. Who are they harming? X
Well, if someone says they want to meet a BBW and someone who is size 8 responds saying they are a BBW, I'd suggest they're wasting peoples time. "
Or the one/s who are looking for BBW look and make a judgement x |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW?
I suspect in this case it's more that the lines are blurred, not that they don't exist. And/or they're not worth putting stock in. (which cognitively I know. About everyone else) "
On an ontological basis I object to this radical subjectivism that seems so common these says.
Obviously there's room for argument around the margins as to whether someone might fit the definition of BBW, but that doesn't mean the category is meaningless. Someone who is size 8 is clearly not a BBW, even if they say they are. |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's
I find these kinds of comments bizarre on threads like these to be honest. I'm sorry if it's unkind, but my identity and ways of fitting myself into categories don't relate to your sexual preferences. "
It's the "go overboard with the compliments for large women and I might get a shag" strategy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's "
You do realise you can compliment one body type without bashing another, right?
All slim women aren't the same.
All fat women aren't the same.
I'm fat and currently working my ass off daily to shift some weight and get fit! (For myself)
Find comments that say one is "better" than the other pretty offensive whether it's in my favour or not. You can have a preference, by all means, we all do. But no one is "better" than anyone else. |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW?
I suspect in this case it's more that the lines are blurred, not that they don't exist. And/or they're not worth putting stock in. (which cognitively I know. About everyone else)
On an ontological basis I object to this radical subjectivism that seems so common these says.
Obviously there's room for argument around the margins as to whether someone might fit the definition of BBW, but that doesn't mean the category is meaningless. Someone who is size 8 is clearly not a BBW, even if they say they are. "
I partly agree, although I'm a lot more sympathetic to radical subjectivism than you are.
But here, "BBW" doesn't have an official definition. Which makes it difficult.
I think Miss Choosy is also saying "fuck it, it doesn't matter". Which is right for the purposes of other people's perceptions and treatment of me. The whole time I've been here I've been both thin/athletic/taking care of myself and (any number of horrible fat shaming slurs) depending on who looks at me. Even excluding those throwing toys out of prams. |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's
I find these kinds of comments bizarre on threads like these to be honest. I'm sorry if it's unkind, but my identity and ways of fitting myself into categories don't relate to your sexual preferences.
It's the "go overboard with the compliments for large women and I might get a shag" strategy. "
Or even "I love x therefore you should be x". As if I'd ask about what weight I should be here, or take advice on the grounds of a stranger's boner. |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's
You do realise you can compliment one body type without bashing another, right?
All slim women aren't the same.
All fat women aren't the same.
I'm fat and currently working my ass off daily to shift some weight and get fit! (For myself)
Find comments that say one is "better" than the other pretty offensive whether it's in my favour or not. You can have a preference, by all means, we all do. But no one is "better" than anyone else."
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I get where you're coming from OP
Seen a fair few profiles asking for 'Gym Fit' blokes recently.
Now i'm a pretty muscular bloke, although i don't fit in to quite a few of the 'categories' as i've got rugby player chest and shoulers, cyclist legs, arms somewhere inbetween and a residual covering of beer and pizza padding left round the middle.
I go to the gym and i'm strong as an ox- but have always had shoddy stamina levels. Not sure if that then counts as 'gym fit' if i'm gasping like an astmatic smoker at the end of the Everest half marathon after 10 minutes on the treadmill?
The only way i'm going to fit in the usual boxes is if i'm chopped up and distributed...
I'm just how i am, take it or leave it (although the leave it section is standing room only now) |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's
I find these kinds of comments bizarre on threads like these to be honest. I'm sorry if it's unkind, but my identity and ways of fitting myself into categories don't relate to your sexual preferences. "
Sorry I will be more specific, categories were made by human so they can classified people into them, like poor, rich, fat, skinny etc... But categories depend from the point of view, if you want to put yourself into any of them, being large, bbw, obese or any other that's up tp you
BTW never mentioned my sexual preferences, saying I like bigger woman. Does not mean in bed, just in general.
But I get your point
Thanks for pointing that out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally get what you mean OP, having yo-yoed between a size 10 and 26 at various times, it's odd to think of yourself as something so different to what you're used to. I wouldn't worry about categorising yourself lovely, pics will show what you look like we'll enough.
As for that party, go if you want to! I can't imagine anyone would be bothered! And if they are, fuck em! Enjoy yourself! And we'll done on getting fitter and healthier! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not usually troubled by these things, and I'll get over it, but I'm chewing on it at the moment.
I've lost a bit of weight recently. Not sure how much, because I've also gained noticeable muscle. But I'm down two dress sizes (and more cup sizes ).
I'd finally... finally started to accept myself as a bigger woman, plus size, BBW, what have you. And while losing weight is good for me (I'm not commenting on anyone else), I love my new fitness routine, etc, I feel conflicted about no longer being "big". The tipping point was realising that I'm now a size 14, which I haven't been in several years (in fact I was a size 24 at one point).
I fought hard to accept myself as I am, and I feel a bit like someone's unmoored me. I don't know if that makes sense. "
Size (14) is healthy. |
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW?
I suspect in this case it's more that the lines are blurred, not that they don't exist. And/or they're not worth putting stock in. (which cognitively I know. About everyone else)
On an ontological basis I object to this radical subjectivism that seems so common these says.
Obviously there's room for argument around the margins as to whether someone might fit the definition of BBW, but that doesn't mean the category is meaningless. Someone who is size 8 is clearly not a BBW, even if they say they are. "
Run that by me one more time. ???? |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's
I find these kinds of comments bizarre on threads like these to be honest. I'm sorry if it's unkind, but my identity and ways of fitting myself into categories don't relate to your sexual preferences.
It's the "go overboard with the compliments for large women and I might get a shag" strategy. "
No its not, never mentioned any shag, sex or anything like that so be so kind and don't put your words in my mouth please |
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I've gone the other way and put weight on since quitting the fags. I cant really call myself by slim anymore, but do you know what , I dont care . Me quitting a 25 year habit is far better than a bit of a podge. I'm not one for categorisation anyway . Just be happy with who you are and fuck the haters |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you gave everyone at my office in the same pay band new job titles as squirrels for example, then I have no doubt that within a short time some of them would be referring to themselves as senior executive squirrels and asking for a pay rise whilst calling others assistant squirrels.....
My point? I'm entirely sure lol, except to say that labels are dead overrated imho....
......a name/label only holds the purpose you assign to it. But your mind however, that's fucking special and uniquely yours and it's what makes you and your category of body attractive to the other squirrels innit....
If you're happy, I'm happy, peace and love  |
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"I've gone the other way and put weight on since quitting the fags. I cant really call myself by slim anymore, but do you know what , I dont care . Me quitting a 25 year habit is far better than a bit of a podge. I'm not one for categorisation anyway . Just be happy with who you are and fuck the haters "
I try not to fuck the haters |
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"If you gave everyone at my office in the same pay band new job titles as squirrels for example, then I have no doubt that within a short time some of them would be referring to themselves as senior executive squirrels and asking for a pay rise whilst calling others assistant squirrels.....
My point? I'm entirely sure lol, except to say that labels are dead overrated imho....
......a name/label only holds the purpose you assign to it. But your mind however, that's fucking special and uniquely yours and it's what makes you and your category of body attractive to the other squirrels innit....
If you're happy, I'm happy, peace and love "
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"If you gave everyone at my office in the same pay band new job titles as squirrels for example, then I have no doubt that within a short time some of them would be referring to themselves as senior executive squirrels and asking for a pay rise whilst calling others assistant squirrels.....
My point? I'm entirely sure lol, except to say that labels are dead overrated imho....
......a name/label only holds the purpose you assign to it. But your mind however, that's fucking special and uniquely yours and it's what makes you and your category of body attractive to the other squirrels innit....
If you're happy, I'm happy, peace and love "
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Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you gave everyone at my office in the same pay band new job titles as squirrels for example, then I have no doubt that within a short time some of them would be referring to themselves as senior executive squirrels and asking for a pay rise whilst calling others assistant squirrels.....
My point? I'm entirely sure lol, except to say that labels are dead overrated imho....
......a name/label only holds the purpose you assign to it. But your mind however, that's fucking special and uniquely yours and it's what makes you and your category of body attractive to the other squirrels innit....
If you're happy, I'm happy, peace and love "
Oh bugger..... I meant NOT entirely sure @my point.... I guess ppl got that  |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply. "
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate. "
I could argue there, for example good and bad.
If you consider killing is bad
But you pay your taxes and support soldiers and call them heros even though their job is to kill, so how come that's good. Like I said point of view |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate. "
Shades of grey here. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
I could argue there, for example good and bad.
If you consider killing is bad
But you pay your taxes and support soldiers and call them heros even though their job is to kill, so how come that's good. Like I said point of view "
You're missing my point. "soldiers" are defined as people who are paid by governments to enforce the states policies internationally by force of arms.
I sit in an office all day being a lawyer. If I say I'm a "soldier" I'd just be wrong no matter how much I might believe it. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here. "
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong? |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong? "
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong? "
Yes we can, unfortunately for us bread eaters, categories and names been assigned by people with lots of money and power |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand. "
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't. |
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Let me try different approach, well I'm tall and skinny (I'm fine with that  ) but for someone 7ft high I will be smaller. Even though I consider myself tall, with someone with anorexia I still be fat, so putting someone into category depends from lots of factors. We are not animals or insects witch you can categorise by species, its the same with race (and sorry for using that term) black people for white are just darker skin tone but for someone from Kenia for example Tunisian gonna be next to white |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand.
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't. "
I think we agree about the margins.
But on the idea it doesn't matter, the labels may not have much to do with my experience here. I'm sure if all my pictures were size 22 (far too big for my frame, not commenting on others) I'd get fawning crap that I should be a model, and I'd get size based insults at size 12. Fabsters don't care much about reality at times. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
I could argue there, for example good and bad.
If you consider killing is bad
But you pay your taxes and support soldiers and call them heros even though their job is to kill, so how come that's good. Like I said point of view "
You're completely missing the point with what you're saying and arguing semantics. Getting into good and bad connotations is wildly off topic and really unnecessary here. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand.
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't.
I think we agree about the margins.
But on the idea it doesn't matter, the labels may not have much to do with my experience here. I'm sure if all my pictures were size 22 (far too big for my frame, not commenting on others) I'd get fawning crap that I should be a model, and I'd get size based insults at size 12. Fabsters don't care much about reality at times. "
Basically for some you will be goddess for others to fat and too skinny for next ones  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
I could argue there, for example good and bad.
If you consider killing is bad
But you pay your taxes and support soldiers and call them heros even though their job is to kill, so how come that's good. Like I said point of view
You're completely missing the point with what you're saying and arguing semantics. Getting into good and bad connotations is wildly off topic and really unnecessary here. "
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand.
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't.
I think we agree about the margins.
But on the idea it doesn't matter, the labels may not have much to do with my experience here. I'm sure if all my pictures were size 22 (far too big for my frame, not commenting on others) I'd get fawning crap that I should be a model, and I'd get size based insults at size 12. Fabsters don't care much about reality at times. "
With men, I think the cynical line to take is that if they send you a message they want to shag you and generally will say whatever they think will get them said shag. What their real views are is anyone's guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's "
I'm 106 kgs at the moment and I am worried about my weight, as it's making it hard for me to walk. I could also die earlier as a result of the fat around my torso, and I'm on the scales a few times a week, checking to see if I'm losing weight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand.
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't.
I think we agree about the margins.
But on the idea it doesn't matter, the labels may not have much to do with my experience here. I'm sure if all my pictures were size 22 (far too big for my frame, not commenting on others) I'd get fawning crap that I should be a model, and I'd get size based insults at size 12. Fabsters don't care much about reality at times.
With men, I think the cynical line to take is that if they send you a message they want to shag you and generally will say whatever they think will get them said shag. What their real views are is anyone's guess. "
I'm inclined to agree, but for the purposes of here, if it doesn't matter, it's for that reason. I expect my positive and negative interactions to remain about the same as I continue to change. So, it doesn't matter. |
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"I think bigger woman is better, they don't worry like skinny ones about weight, skinny one going on scales and worries about couple of grams more and bigger can turn it in to joke like "another 2 kg and I will be 100kg" love that. But in general its up to you, if you fell better when there is less of you that's fine after all its your body and nobody's else's
I'm 106 kgs at the moment and I am worried about my weight, as it's making it hard for me to walk. I could also die earlier as a result of the fat around my torso, and I'm on the scales a few times a week, checking to see if I'm losing weight. "
To be honest I'm struggling now to write something neutral |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand.
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't.
I think we agree about the margins.
But on the idea it doesn't matter, the labels may not have much to do with my experience here. I'm sure if all my pictures were size 22 (far too big for my frame, not commenting on others) I'd get fawning crap that I should be a model, and I'd get size based insults at size 12. Fabsters don't care much about reality at times.
With men, I think the cynical line to take is that if they send you a message they want to shag you and generally will say whatever they think will get them said shag. What their real views are is anyone's guess. "
You can say the same about woman, you just assuming all man just want to shag and nothing else |
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"I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now."
This is really well put, and gets right to the heart of it. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now.
This is really well put, and gets right to the heart of it. Thank you. "
I’m glad it helps There’s nothing to worry about it’s simply your own process of personal growth. Just go with the feelings and notice how they change as you establish the ‘new you’. |
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"Tea Monkey's point about labels is important, I think. It is part of how we make sense of ourselves and our place in the world. So, for instance, I'm not from Manchester. That changes how I interact with people here, somewhat. My identity is tied up in where I am from. Weight is a trickier one than origin in some ways, but similar things apply.
Indeed. If there were no categories, defined objectively, it would be literally impossible to Communicate.
Shades of grey here.
So if you say "Manchester" and my definition of "Manchester" is a large city in SE England on the River Thames can we say I am definitely wrong?
No, but objectivity isn't appropriate or possible for every label. My BMI puts me at obese. Does that make me a BBW? Don't know, there isn't a set definition. I'd guess at size 14 (and muscular) I'd probably not fit, but it's not objective and isn't likely to be any time soon. Just because size 6 is definitely not BBW and size 36 definitely is, doesn't mean the size 12-18s (depending on height and other factors) might feel like they're not sure where they stand.
But that's my point about debates around the margins. We know London isn't in Manchester, but is Stretford or Bury? Some definitions can be broad and some narrow, but there are always definitions that say x falls within the definition, y doesn't fall within it and z may do.
My objection is to those who say its completely subjective when it obviously isn't.
I think we agree about the margins.
But on the idea it doesn't matter, the labels may not have much to do with my experience here. I'm sure if all my pictures were size 22 (far too big for my frame, not commenting on others) I'd get fawning crap that I should be a model, and I'd get size based insults at size 12. Fabsters don't care much about reality at times.
With men, I think the cynical line to take is that if they send you a message they want to shag you and generally will say whatever they think will get them said shag. What their real views are is anyone's guess.
You can say the same about woman, you just assuming all man just want to shag and nothing else "
No you can't as single women are so rare on here. |
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"I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now.
This is really well put, and gets right to the heart of it. Thank you.
I’m glad it helps There’s nothing to worry about it’s simply your own process of personal growth. Just go with the feelings and notice how they change as you establish the ‘new you’."
That makes sense. I guess this one snuck up on me! |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now."
That's pretty much nailed it! |
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"I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now."
Perfectly and eloquently put x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m going to move away from the debate on labels and more to our sense of identity. In the past I have felt a lack of ‘anchoring’ when I have struggled to answer the question ‘Who am I?’ When we move through a transition from a previous identity to a new one we experience a neutral zone characterised by a bit of denial that we are any different, resistance to the new identity until we start to accept our old identity no longer serves us and we begin exploring the question ‘who am I?’ again. Until we settle and commit to building our new identity. Only when my new sense of self becomes stable do I feel anchored again. It sounds like you are searching for a new sense of identity that fits who you are now.
This is really well put, and gets right to the heart of it. Thank you.
I’m glad it helps There’s nothing to worry about it’s simply your own process of personal growth. Just go with the feelings and notice how they change as you establish the ‘new you’.
That makes sense. I guess this one snuck up on me! "
Personal growth is like that it often happens while we are looking in a different direction and acts as an awakening to something deeper than we realised. This is probably the culmination of a process that began quite a while ago. ‘Who am I?’ Is probably one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves throughout are lives. It’s an Eternal question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Categories mean bugger all on here. Body shape is subjective and what one term means to one may be different to someone else. Accept, love and embrace yourself, as long as you are happy x
What, so someone's who's size 8 can call themselves a BBW?
I suspect in this case it's more that the lines are blurred, not that they don't exist. And/or they're not worth putting stock in. (which cognitively I know. About everyone else)
On an ontological basis I object to this radical subjectivism that seems so common these says.
Obviously there's room for argument around the margins as to whether someone might fit the definition of BBW, but that doesn't mean the category is meaningless. Someone who is size 8 is clearly not a BBW, even if they say they are. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I think it'll come, it's just thrown me a little.
After a lifetime of being a people pleaser, lacking self confidence, I suppose I've become "I am who I am and I don't give a damn". Getting that back when I'm "conforming" by losing weight will be an adjustment! (although I suspect the form of my weight loss comes with its own issues, as the scale isn't moving downward, I'm putting on muscle).
The categories on here don't help at all. But Fab is hardly a mental health sanctuary. "
Is it because people are noticing you and commenting on how you've lost weight?
I like being fat because no-one ever says (to my face) "oooh you look like you've gained a couple of stones!!" I'm invisible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Presumably you prefer not being big?
It's better for me. But I've felt more confident as a size 16/18 in the last year or so than I've ever felt, including during that moment in my 20s when I was a skinny size 10. I know the confidence has nothing to do with my size (and I'm blowing this way out of proportion in my head), but I still feel a bit confused about it. I've accepted myself as x and am now becoming not x. "
I totally understand that. I've lost lots of weight and my body freaks me out a bit! True it's healthy but it's a all new. For instance I don't like the muscles in my calves sticking out more etc bum being smaller. Squats will help that!
I suppose it's down to familiarity? |
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