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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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to those of you that are in or had an affair with a married/attached man - how do you deal with days like today, knowing that the man you love is spending the most romantic day of the year with someone else? |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"to those of you that are in or had an affair with a married/attached man - how do you deal with days like today, knowing that the man you love is spending the most romantic day of the year with someone else? "
That must be quite difficult for you.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest."
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest."
perhaps u shouldnt make assumptions. i didnt say i was having an affair did i.
which - for your info (even though it has nothing to do with you) i am not. It was a general question, wondering how people went on that do have affairs. It happens in life whether we like it or not.
 |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I think it is everybody's own affair whether they choose to be in a relationship with somebody who is married? The OP asked a question how people coped with the situation, well, that was my interpretation anyway, she did not ask to be judged? Just a thought.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jeez! the OP asked how others deal with their feelings, not for a character assassination.
Your heart can't tell you who to love. I'm sure the OP and the man in question know all the wrongs don't make it right, it doesn't hurt any the less though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest.
perhaps u shouldnt make assumptions. i didnt say i was having an affair did i.
which - for your info (even though it has nothing to do with you) i am not. It was a general question, wondering how people went on that do have affairs. It happens in life whether we like it or not.
"
Apologies for my statement above, didn't realise you mean hypothetically speaking. Even I stand accused of judgmental thinking. xxx  |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Jeez! the OP asked how others deal with their feelings, not for a character assassination.
Your heart can't tell you who to love. I'm sure the OP and the man in question know all the wrongs don't make it right, it doesn't hurt any the less though. "
Agree with you, Laine. At the end of the day I dont think anybody can know what it is like to be in somebody else's shoes? The last thing people need, however, is judgment by others. Just my view... |
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"If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest."
As my gran would say, you made your bed, you lie in it...your pain will be nothing to the pain his wife will feel when she finds out 
We are all responsible for the choices we make in this world, asking for sympathy for choosing to hurt another doesnt work in my world. |
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"If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest.
perhaps u shouldnt make assumptions. i didnt say i was having an affair did i.
which - for your info (even though it has nothing to do with you) i am not. It was a general question, wondering how people went on that do have affairs. It happens in life whether we like it or not.
"
Then join one of the websites for ppl who have affairs and ask them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"should have made my post clearer i think!!! my first post....and i wonder why i havent posted before 
so many judgemental people on this site!!!!!!!  "
.... some go through a baptism of fire, Carry on regardless though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"should have made my post clearer i think!!! my first post....and i wonder why i havent posted before
so many judgemental people on this site!!!!!!!
.... some go through a baptism of fire, Carry on regardless though. "
|
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"should have made my post clearer i think!!! my first post....and i wonder why i havent posted before
so many judgemental people on this site!!!!!!!
.... some go through a baptism of fire, Carry on regardless though. "
as in carry on doctors...;-) |
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"should have made my post clearer i think!!! my first post....and i wonder why i havent posted before
so many judgemental people on this site!!!!!!! "
Its a swinging site, ergo full of married couples, if u went up to a group of married people in the pub and ask them what they thought of people who have affairs and their enablers...what kind of reply do you think you would get?
i always laugh when ppl accuse me of being judgemantal because i have certain moral values...or do u think swingers leave them at the door 
i have 1 rule, consent, a married person playing away without permission breaks that rule...simples, you can hammer your cock to a table and be covered in piss and i wont judges you...put getting your end away over promises you have made, then yes, i will. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"should have made my post clearer i think!!! my first post....and i wonder why i havent posted before
so many judgemental people on this site!!!!!!!
Its a swinging site, ergo full of married couples, if u went up to a group of married people in the pub and ask them what they thought of people who have affairs and their enablers...what kind of reply do you think you would get?
i always laugh when ppl accuse me of being judgemantal because i have certain moral values...or do u think swingers leave them at the door
i have 1 rule, consent, a married person playing away without permission breaks that rule...simples, you can hammer your cock to a table and be covered in piss and i wont judges you...put getting your end away over promises you have made, then yes, i will."
well said!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"should have made my post clearer i think!!! my first post....and i wonder why i havent posted before
so many judgemental people on this site!!!!!!!
Its a swinging site, ergo full of married couples, if u went up to a group of married people in the pub and ask them what they thought of people who have affairs and their enablers...what kind of reply do you think you would get?
i always laugh when ppl accuse me of being judgemantal because i have certain moral values...or do u think swingers leave them at the door
i have 1 rule, consent, a married person playing away without permission breaks that rule...simples, you can hammer your cock to a table and be covered in piss and i wont judges you...put getting your end away over promises you have made, then yes, i will."
To be honest, I personally would not meet attached or married guys because it can be messy for him, their partners and me/ us. Having said that I would not judge anybody who does - I feel each and every one of us has their own reasons and I respect that. Hope that makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apologies to the OP for misinterpreting your post to be about you, though clearly I was not alone.
The response is interesting though. If a married man had asked how he should cope being away from his other woman on Valentines night he would of course have been crucified by now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The OP didn't ask what we thought of those having affairs, she asked how someone having one would cope being apart on a day like today.
I don't meet with married men, my husband was the one who treated our vows lightly, not I. And it hurts, damned right it hurts finding out. So much so that after 20 years together I showed him the door, no if's or but's no second chances.
But I was attempting to answer the OP not dive off the moral high-board. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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trouble is hunny sometimes men n women arent honest that they are attached until its to late if i met a guy who was married n he had partner n lied to me then he would be history straight away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"By making it valentines day every day you spend together. xxx"
your so right and adding to it just spice it all up xx and makes it out of this world xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"trouble is hunny sometimes men n women arent honest that they are attached until its to late if i met a guy who was married n he had partner n lied to me then he would be history straight away"
Unfortunately that is very true, you meet fall in love and end up hurting almost as much as their spouse when you realise that they lied to you too. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"trouble is hunny sometimes men n women arent honest that they are attached until its to late if i met a guy who was married n he had partner n lied to me then he would be history straight away
Unfortunately that is very true, you meet fall in love and end up hurting almost as much as their spouse when you realise that they lied to you too. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hypothetically...if you're having an affair behind your partners back maybe V Day is the best day to spend with your lover
there's an element of spurious fabrication to both of them |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"hypothetically...if you're having an affair behind your partners back maybe V Day is the best day to spend with your lover
there's an element of spurious fabrication to both of them"
You are using such big words... let me google them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hypothetically...if you're having an affair behind your partners back maybe V Day is the best day to spend with your lover
there's an element of spurious fabrication to both of themYou are using such big words... let me google them"
yeah,I'm attempting to dispel the myth that swingers should have a tertiary education..apparently |
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I would assume that when someone starts a relationship with someone who is married they know that they will spend special days apart, holidays, christmas's ect, surely its part and parcel of the relationship |
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"yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say."
ahh the moral equivalence argument...true some ppl out there would think we had no morals, but if u have ever met a swinger you would know that was bollocks...
live and let live is fine, so long as you dont mind it applying to everyone...shall i open the prisons or do u want to? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say.
ahh the moral equivalence argument...true some ppl out there would think we had no morals, but if u have ever met a swinger you would know that was bollocks...
live and let live is fine, so long as you dont mind it applying to everyone...shall i open the prisons or do u want to?"
Jemima, I've already said that thinking that swingers have no morals is bollocks but many of Joe public would not agree. Ok, if you take it to that extent then if you took a classic marriage vow "foresaking all others" then even married swingers both consenting would be wrong and trying to make out that live and let live would insinuate that criminals should be freed doesn't wash. We aren't speaking about crimes here. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say.
ahh the moral equivalence argument...true some ppl out there would think we had no morals, but if u have ever met a swinger you would know that was bollocks...
live and let live is fine, so long as you dont mind it applying to everyone...shall i open the prisons or do u want to?
Jemima, I've already said that thinking that swingers have no morals is bollocks but many of Joe public would not agree. Ok, if you take it to that extent then if you took a classic marriage vow "foresaking all others" then even married swingers both consenting would be wrong and trying to make out that live and let live would insinuate that criminals should be freed doesn't wash. We aren't speaking about crimes here."
Its a tough one really if you bring in marriage vows. But then I ask myself why those vows are there in the first place? I somehow cannot believe that mankind was mean to be monogamous, it seems to contradict anything and evertying we have learnt from Darwin and the survivial of the fittest to name but one theory. Whether something is a crime or not is defined by the laws of the local community - and this is where the church and "morality" come into the equation. Depending what I suscribe to in life, the same thing can me completely ok or totally immoral - just depends where you stand. Difficult one I d say... |
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"yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say."
Swingers do not 'know' they are not immoral... they 'believe' they are not and 'Joe Public' is just as much entitled to 'believe' whatever they want about swingers. In fact you're sounding a little judgemental of non-swingers there.
So anyway.... how far down the live and let live road do you really want to go, because if you travel far enough down that road Joe Public won't just 'believe' he's right....he will be right.
It is imposible to have morals and uphold those morals without making some form of judgement.... so to be void of all moral judgement makes Joe Public pretty much right.
But most of all..... it's an emotive subject... even the OP's question is emotive... you (meaning people) have to be really kind of dumb not to expect some emotive replies.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say.
Swingers do not 'know' they are not immoral... they 'believe' they are not and 'Joe Public' is just as much entitled to 'believe' whatever they want about swingers. In fact you're sounding a little judgemental of non-swingers there.
So anyway.... how far down the live and let live road do you really want to go, because if you travel far enough down that road Joe Public won't just 'believe' he's right....he will be right.
It is imposible to have morals and uphold those morals without making some form of judgement.... so to be void of all moral judgement makes Joe Public pretty much right.
But most of all..... it's an emotive subject... even the OP's question is emotive... you (meaning people) have to be really kind of dumb not to expect some emotive replies.
"
I  this response |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"yep Diamond, if you asked 'Joe Public' what he/she thought of swingers they would lambast us, saying we're immoral, disgusting or whatever but we who do it know we're not, yet at the same time you'll find loads (not all) in the forums will just jump at the chance of making moral judgements on you, like suggesting you stop becoming a marriage wrecker. Each to their own and live and let live, I say.
Swingers do not 'know' they are not immoral... they 'believe' they are not and 'Joe Public' is just as much entitled to 'believe' whatever they want about swingers. In fact you're sounding a little judgemental of non-swingers there.
So anyway.... how far down the live and let live road do you really want to go, because if you travel far enough down that road Joe Public won't just 'believe' he's right....he will be right.
It is imposible to have morals and uphold those morals without making some form of judgement.... so to be void of all moral judgement makes Joe Public pretty much right.
But most of all..... it's an emotive subject... even the OP's question is emotive... you (meaning people) have to be really kind of dumb not to expect some emotive replies.
I this response "
Frock has spoken - now all of you keep quiet and dont mess with her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't really give a monkey's if someone is having an affair, it's their business and why someone chooses to remain with someone whilst playing with others secretly is a question only they can answer. As for the 'other woman' - or man - you knew what you were getting into when you met your married partner so I don't feel there is any grounds for complaint when he/she has to keep up the pretence of being a happy family on special occasions. It wouldn't be much of an affair otherwise, wouls it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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being someone (male) that was on the wrong end of the affair, its not nice to find out its happened, and the last thing i care about is the feelings of the person that is involved on the other side of it.
i would have actually been quite happy at the thoguht of them being bloody miserable.
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Jemima, I've already said that thinking that swingers have no morals is bollocks ....
Yet they are often called judgemental as soon as they express them.... odd hey? "
My view on morals:
Honesty is paramount.
A couple that are swinging should enjoy liberated sex (with no secrets).
A single guy that is swinging should be a single guy (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their man is up to).
A single lady that is swinging should be a single lady (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their girl is up to).
'Single players', with a partner that knows everything (absolutely fine by us).
.....purely our views on the moral front. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
Jemima, I've already said that thinking that swingers have no morals is bollocks ....
Yet they are often called judgemental as soon as they express them.... odd hey?
My view on morals:
Honesty is paramount.
A couple that are swinging should enjoy liberated sex (with no secrets).
A single guy that is swinging should be a single guy (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their man is up to).
A single lady that is swinging should be a single lady (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their girl is up to).
'Single players', with a partner that knows everything (absolutely fine by us).
.....purely our views on the moral front."
Im scared |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Jemima, I've already said that thinking that swingers have no morals is bollocks ....
Yet they are often called judgemental as soon as they express them.... odd hey?
My view on morals:
Honesty is paramount.
A couple that are swinging should enjoy liberated sex (with no secrets).
A single guy that is swinging should be a single guy (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their man is up to).
A single lady that is swinging should be a single lady (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their girl is up to).
'Single players', with a partner that knows everything (absolutely fine by us).
.....purely our views on the moral front."
Gotta say i agree with this 100% |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Jemima, I've already said that thinking that swingers have no morals is bollocks ....
Yet they are often called judgemental as soon as they express them.... odd hey?
My view on morals:
Honesty is paramount.
A couple that are swinging should enjoy liberated sex (with no secrets).
A single guy that is swinging should be a single guy (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their man is up to).
A single lady that is swinging should be a single lady (no partner left at home, knowing fuck all about what their girl is up to).
'Single players', with a partner that knows everything (absolutely fine by us).
.....purely our views on the moral front.
Im scared "
Even you know I'm not scarey... loud? maybe
....scarey? nope  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you choose to have an affair surely you have to expect to miss out on special occassions? Still if it hurts emotionally at least you may be able to emaphise with the pain his wife will feel as and when she discovers?
Sorry if that sounds brutal but married men playing away get crucified on here, I feel that a thread effectively looking for sympathy is pretty rich to be honest."
Got to agree with the above. No doubt if a bloke posted that on here he'd get crussified. Clearly no one knows the ins and outs of the situation. To be honest I think it's irrelivant. If he's not happy then he should leave! Vice versa for male or female! Somebody could be a complete bitch or bastard, they still don't deserve to be cheated on!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"to those of you that are in or had an affair with a married/attached man - how do you deal with days like today, knowing that the man you love is spending the most romantic day of the year with someone else? "
someone else being his wife?
i mean how flipping selfish of her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"to those of you that are in or had an affair with a married/attached man - how do you deal with days like today, knowing that the man you love is spending the most romantic day of the year with someone else?
someone else being his wife?
i mean how flipping selfish of her "
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By *waymanMan
over a year ago
newcastle |
Going back to the original question, it's probably about how you end up where you are.
If you set out to have an affair with a married partner you know what you're doing.
If you fall into an affair without thinking it through I can see how Valentine's day could be shit, but people often end up with unintended consequences that they have to cope with.
Some of us choose, to paraphrase the Carpenters, to say Goodbye to romantic Love. Valentines Day can be quite funny for us as well.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was having an affair a year ago, and to be honest it's shit when it was bday's and days like today...but it's the price you pay when you choose to have one! Ps...I did have a good time |
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"Going back to the original question, it's probably about how you end up where you are.
If you set out to have an affair with a married partner you know what you're doing.
If you fall into an affair without thinking it through I can see how Valentine's day could be shit, but people often end up with unintended consequences that they have to cope with.
Some of us choose, to paraphrase the Carpenters, to say Goodbye to romantic Love. Valentines Day can be quite funny for us as well.
"
i am not a great fan of unintended consequences, part of being an adult is the choices you make...if you discover the person u love is married...yes that will hurt...but you need to accept as an adut u have to make a choice, either leave or put up and shut up...
i would happily provide a shoulder for a friend in the process of making that choice, but i would not allow them to be deluded into thinking they had got where thet were by accident. |
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"....
If you fall into an affair without thinking it through I can see how Valentine's day could be shit, but people often end up with unintended consequences that they have to cope with.
"
Would one of those 'unintended consequences' be.... the cheat hadn't left their partner when they said they intended to?
Oops bad judgemental me... off to punish myself... with chocolate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"to those of you that are in or had an affair with a married/attached man - how do you deal with days like today, knowing that the man you love is spending the most romantic day of the year with someone else? "
Excuse me OP, but are you suggesting that there are people on here who are in love with someone they've met on here? Perish the thought!!
Don't you know this is a swinging site?? |
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By *waymanMan
over a year ago
newcastle |
"Going back to the original question, it's probably about how you end up where you are.
If you set out to have an affair with a married partner you know what you're doing.
If you fall into an affair without thinking it through I can see how Valentine's day could be shit, but people often end up with unintended consequences that they have to cope with.
Some of us choose, to paraphrase the Carpenters, to say Goodbye to romantic Love. Valentines Day can be quite funny for us as well.
i am not a great fan of unintended consequences, part of being an adult is the choices you make...if you discover the person u love is married...yes that will hurt...but you need to accept as an adut u have to make a choice, either leave or put up and shut up...
i would happily provide a shoulder for a friend in the process of making that choice, but i would not allow them to be deluded into thinking they had got where thet were by accident."
I think we're more in agreement than you think. People get where they get because they don't think things through, and realizing that they got there by choice can be painful - which is why they blame luck or accident or some other intervention. You're right about the range of subsequent choices, but sometime s you have to work with people to help them understand the choices they made that got them where they are... |
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By *waymanMan
over a year ago
newcastle |
"....
If you fall into an affair without thinking it through I can see how Valentine's day could be shit, but people often end up with unintended consequences that they have to cope with.
Would one of those 'unintended consequences' be.... the cheat hadn't left their partner when they said they intended to?
Oops bad judgemental me... off to punish myself... with chocolate."
Not sure I know enough about the circumstances you're describing to answer that.
One thing I do know. People who break their marriage vows are rarely truth tellers, and I include myself when I was married. |
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"Going back to the original question, it's probably about how you end up where you are.
If you set out to have an affair with a married partner you know what you're doing.
If you fall into an affair without thinking it through I can see how Valentine's day could be shit, but people often end up with unintended consequences that they have to cope with.
Some of us choose, to paraphrase the Carpenters, to say Goodbye to romantic Love. Valentines Day can be quite funny for us as well.
i am not a great fan of unintended consequences, part of being an adult is the choices you make...if you discover the person u love is married...yes that will hurt...but you need to accept as an adut u have to make a choice, either leave or put up and shut up...
i would happily provide a shoulder for a friend in the process of making that choice, but i would not allow them to be deluded into thinking they had got where thet were by accident.
I think we're more in agreement than you think. People get where they get because they don't think things through, and realizing that they got there by choice can be painful - which is why they blame luck or accident or some other intervention. You're right about the range of subsequent choices, but sometime s you have to work with people to help them understand the choices they made that got them where they are..."
Your right, we are in agreement
The work is something some are unwilling to do though...and so they look for the excuses, love being one of them, although love were some illness we cannot help catching and have no control over. |
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