FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > When 'NSA' gets serious
When 'NSA' gets serious
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun  |
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
Define fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
Something in the way you are approaching your meets is causing this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If its a problem, maybe try sticking a note on your profile to say you definitely don't want more than NSA, or make it clear from the start, or just be more bastardy.... Or just be grateful you're getting some, innit...  |
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
If it’s happened a ‘few’ times op - do you need to have a good old honest look at yourself and the messages/impression you’re giving the people you meet?
Are you unwittingly giving them the impression you’re looking for more than nsa with them?
I’ve got ‘the feels’ on here a couple of times - both several years ago now - but both guys totally misled me into thinking they were looking for a relationship with me rather than just a shag!
Not saying that’s definitely the case with you op - but is there a possibility you’re sending out the wrong subliminal messages? X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To be fair, I'm pretty clear from the outset. Just out of a long term relationship and don't want anything serious but yet it happens and makes things very awkward. Ahh well! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not about the site being for fun. As others have said if it's happened to you a few times I'd maybe have a look at your own approach and how you may be encouraging or facilitating these feelings. |
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
Perhaps now you've experienced it and know that you don't want it...... take responsibility.
Make it VERY clear it's NSA.
DONT act like a boyfriend.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regular sex with someone I think is always going to engender some feelings from one or both people after a while. Keep it to just one off meetings or stop being so lovable?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also some people are here specifically looking to develop feelings. Some of them will claim they aren't in the hope that they can reel you in. "
totally agree with you i think that are plenty people like that on here x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Rude.
P"
I’ll second that, I know a few that have and are quite happy with it!! Ps congratulations to you guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Rude.
P
I’ll second that, I know a few that have and are quite happy with it!! Ps congratulations to you guys
You got some then.........brains I mean "
Now and again they show up  |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Also some people are here specifically looking to develop feelings. Some of them will claim they aren't in the hope that they can reel you in. "
They also claim to want more to reel you in for a quick shag too lol. This seems to be the case with most dating sites too. In answer to the OP, I think you may be sending out the wrong signals, possibly because you have been used to bei g in a relationship for a while. Maybe you need to take a complete break for a short while? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
It’s happened to me a couple of times via another site.
I just be honest & cut them off.
I was very clear on what I was looking for & they were happy with that, only to then catch feelings! It can’t be helped sadly.
All you can do is be clear and honest. |
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
There are different kinds of fun, you know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's perfectly natural that some people develop feelings for others..It's called being human....What's the issue?..I don't take the name fab swingers literally,,,there is a higher percentage here who see it quite rightly as just another dating site. |
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
yup. I block and move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of people find it difficult to shut off their feelings, you can't help it sometimes.
I've been here over a decade and experienced this several times, I always make it clear I'm not looking for more and if/when it comes up, I'm honest and will stop playing with that person.
Then there was that one time...we both fell in a pile of feelings and fell in love. We're still together now, and I adore him more each day. Sometimes it works out. And I can assure you, it's still fun for us |
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I have had it where someone else has had feelings after seeing them for a while as a fb from off here. It became uncomfortable to me as it wasnt reciprocated. The person still sends me the odd message which I ignore as to reply I feel leads them on. Then I feel bad for being ignorant. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun
There are different kinds of fun, you know."
Well said, the social side of swinging is a lot of fun too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah it’s happened to me a lot and that’s why now I can come across as quite rude or distant - because I absolutely DO NOT want anyone to develop feelings for me. So I keep my true personality in the background, and act very “to the point” with people on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's all about being clear from the beginning. Unfortunately you'll always get those that see your preferences as a challenge and try their luck or try and change your mind.
If you've been completely clear on what you want then I'd break contact with those that don't accept that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's all about being clear from the beginning. Unfortunately you'll always get those that see your preferences as a challenge and try their luck or try and change your mind.
If you've been completely clear on what you want then I'd break contact with those that don't accept that. "
Absolutely. Always be clear from the beginning then everyone knows the score. Never change your mind for someone else and never try and change someone else’s mind. If it’s meant to happen they’ll change it themselves |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
These threads are often presented as a binary choice. I think it’s more nuanced than that. I have developed feelings for some women that I have met regularly but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand that the relationship is still NSA, it doesn’t mean I expect a commitment or to move in together! In fact I prefer to meet someone I actually care about.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"These threads are often presented as a binary choice. I think it’s more nuanced than that. I have developed feelings for some women that I have met regularly but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand that the relationship is still NSA, it doesn’t mean I expect a commitment or to move in together! In fact I prefer to meet someone I actually care about.
"
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
I think it's pretty normal to develop feelings (biologically, we wouldn't want to stay and have sex with someone regularly if we didn't. For the most part).
It's sometimes hard though, to distinguish between the good feelings of sex and "love" or the like.
I prefer to have sex with someone I have feelings for. In a friendly way, that is, but I can understand thinking it could be a relationship.
There are some nutters who declare undying love after a time messaging--forget sex!
The usual response to most posts here: try a club!
Good luck, and happy singlehood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all, been in this situation a few times now...and yes, from this site.
When you have NSA with someone but they get feelings for you. Anyone had anything similar? I thought this site was supoosed to be fun "
Are you sure that's actually happening? Or is it you?
Some people can't tell the difference between lust and love or friendship and more  most of them tend to be the ones claiming people are always falling in love with them! |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
Guess it depends on the feelings. You sure it’s not just lusty desires. You can lose your shit while still being in control of your shit - so to speak.
It could just be a case of they like to express theirselves and you don’t.
Have they said exactly what those feelings are?
If not, how do you know? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry....."
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both "
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones. |
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones."
Opinions are like aresholes
We all have one
Some just stink more than others
I'll go grab a bottle of Fabreeze, actually make that 2
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones.
Opinions are like aresholes
We all have one
Some just stink more than others
I'll go grab a bottle of Fabreeze, actually make that 2
"
Why do you need fabreeze does your opinion stink?
You are entitled to it after all.
Don't be too hard on yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones."
So pessimistic. |
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones."
So every relationship in the vanilla world is smiles and roses? By your reasoning it would seem that only vanilla relationship last so if that’s the case, why are there so many ex partners in the world?
I met my first husband in the vanilla world, was with him for 10 years and married for half of it. He spent a large part of our relationship not working and not even looking for work, expected me to keep us both and him still be able to drink, smoke and gamble to his hearts content. When he did get a job and took responsibility for paying some bills he gambled instead, 5 years after leaving him I’m still paying off HIS debt! But because it was a relationship that didn’t start on a swingers site, I guess that’s ok by you! |
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones."
Op I see you started another thread looking for recommendations of other sites for a married man........and you think relationships started in swinging sites are disastrous!
I pity your wife if she finds out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we got married!
Never last.sorry.....
Sooo did you just wake up a prick today or have you always been?
Congratulations ClaireAlan!!! Many happy and prosperous years to you both
No need for personal insults!
I was only giving my opinion or is that not allowed?
Don't post things if you don't want opinions.
Yes one or two "happy relationships" may have transpired but I can assure you they are greatly out numbered by numerous disastrous ones.
So every relationship in the vanilla world is smiles and roses? By your reasoning it would seem that only vanilla relationship last so if that’s the case, why are there so many ex partners in the world?
I met my first husband in the vanilla world, was with him for 10 years and married for half of it. He spent a large part of our relationship not working and not even looking for work, expected me to keep us both and him still be able to drink, smoke and gamble to his hearts content. When he did get a job and took responsibility for paying some bills he gambled instead, 5 years after leaving him I’m still paying off HIS debt! But because it was a relationship that didn’t start on a swingers site, I guess that’s ok by you!"
No Iam sorry it was you choosing a bad relationship your guy was bad I bet before you obviously married him you made a choice probably thought you could change him but you could not. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some really good replies guys. I do make it clear it is NSA but obviously it can go either way or both in terms of feels.
I guess it's about picking up on it before it develops and hurts the other person-which I have done and tacked it head on before it progresses. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Similar to if it was on Tinder for istance, if someone is going "too fast" or waaaay too eager & you don't feel the same or as strongly-move on.
Otherwise, you're being a dick essentially. I've had experience of this on both sides.
I think the advice to limit meets to once off is a good one. |
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