FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can you seperate..

Can you seperate..

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Emotional connection from physical connection?

Are you able to truly have one without the other?

Im not sure I ever have, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older.. I'd genuinely rather have a cup of tea than sex without an emotional link.

Can you do it?

Does it take effort?

Are some people just incapable of seperating the two?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can and I have, but I don't have to

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

[Removed by poster at 06/05/19 09:46:35]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can.

But sex without connection is only a little bit more exiting than a lady wank

It feels like a lot of effort for something that probably won't make me cum anyway.

I'd rather be eating snacks in pyjamas than fuck a random these days

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I can,depends on the circs.

I think I've always thought about sex more like a "man" , than a "woman".

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Of course. That's how I manage to have sex with others while being married. It wouldn't work if I was becoming emotionally involved with everyone. That's not to say my encounters are devoid of emotional feeling, just that I know how to separate lusty sex from lovey sex. Two completely different things.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

I need a connection for sex, it doesn’t have to be a normal emotional one, more a meeting of minds, similar desires.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Of course. That's how I manage to have sex with others while being married. It wouldn't work if I was becoming emotionally involved with everyone. That's not to say my encounters are devoid of emotional feeling, just that I know how to separate lusty sex from lovey sex. Two completely different things. "

Well stated

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes it’s possible to separate the two, otherwise I’m not sure swingers / nsa sex would exist..

Whether you want to separate the two is another question.

I’ve discovered over time that I don’t want sex without some kind of emotion attached to it. Meaningless sex is just that, does nothing for me.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can.

But sex without connection is only a little bit more exiting than a lady wank

It feels like a lot of effort for something that probably won't make me cum anyway.

I'd rather be eating snacks in pyjamas than fuck a random these days

Ha ha totally sums up why I keep getting fatter!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My toys get used a lot

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Without some kind of positive emotional I don't enjoy sex.

I don't want to feel like I'm just offering my holes to be filled.

I'm lazy and can't be arsed to get ready, for hole filling sex.

I'm not talking about feelings of love or attachment; I can feel detached from them and still feel an emotional connection.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can.

But sex without connection is only a little bit more exiting than a lady wank

It feels like a lot of effort for something that probably won't make me cum anyway.

I'd rather be eating snacks in pyjamas than fuck a random these days

Ha ha totally sums up why I keep getting fatter!! "

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I cant even get in my own knickers!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can,depends on the circs.

I think I've always thought about sex more like a "man" , than a "woman"."

Interesting.. do you think it's largely a gender thing??

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can ... but, there's always a 'but' right

The ease with which it is achieved depends how much I am into them

Some meets are harder to shake off than others

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *irl1234xxxWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Yes, it’s the only sex that I want.

I don’t want any other kind of connection.

Even guys just trying to get to know me makes me run for the hills.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

Well stated

This for me also

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes I can. Have and do.

Experience has taught me that a good selfie session is way way better than sex with a man that doesn't know you or you body. We don't have to be emotionally connected though.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I need to orgasim, I just need a guy to give me helping hand.

No connection needed, only his mobile number

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes and no if were talking random people and 1 night stands i have in the past but it does now have to be a bit more than i like your tits now i have to like them and see them as more than a sexy hole to put my pecker in or in my case now love them as i do now if you were unaware i love scousesubsally

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Do you think being happily married helps you seperate the two? Would you be as strong with the desperation if you were single?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hickennchipsWoman over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"Yes, it’s the only sex that I want.

I don’t want any other kind of connection.

Even guys just trying to get to know me makes me run for the hills."

Same here!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think every relationship you have in your life has an emotional component. You can't help it, we are emotional beings.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes, it’s the only sex that I want.

I don’t want any other kind of connection.

Even guys just trying to get to know me makes me run for the hills."

Interesting.. have you always been like that?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *abs..Woman over a year ago

Yes I believe you can separate the two. You can have a connection and attraction of sorts without having emotions getting in the way.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nowwhitexxx1Woman over a year ago

Hull

I have done in the past, but I'm finding it much harder to do these days.. Especially because I'm single... If I really feel a connection then it makes me miss what I don't have on a regular basis..I want that can't get enough of each other raw passion. Random sex just doesn't do it for me. The best sex I've ever had was when deep feelings were involved.. Hence why I don't have many meets at the moment.

So im horny and fustrated most of the time at the moment grrrr haha and as melia puts it a "lady wank" just doesn't satisfy me... But rather that then just a fuck.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hickennchipsWoman over a year ago

up above the streets and houses

"Yes and no if were talking random people and 1 night stands i have in the past but it does now have to be a bit more than i like your tits now i have to like them and see them as more than a sexy hole to put my pecker in or in my case now love them as i do now if you were unaware i love scousesubsally

(Looks for the ‘bore off’ emoji)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can ... but, there's always a 'but' right

The ease with which it is achieved depends how much I am into them

Some meets are harder to shake off than others"

Yeah I think I'd always have a but..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can.

But sex without connection is only a little bit more exiting than a lady wank

It feels like a lot of effort for something that probably won't make me cum anyway.

I'd rather be eating snacks in pyjamas than fuck a random these days

Ha ha totally sums up why I keep getting fatter!!

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I cant even get in my own knickers!!"

Ha ha snap!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I can,depends on the circs.

I think I've always thought about sex more like a "man" , than a "woman".

Interesting.. do you think it's largely a gender thing?? "

Not a gender thing but a learned thing. Traditionally it's been acceptable for men to fuck and go, but "good girls" were expected to be emotionally invested before they had sex.

That's changed slightly, but I think that belief is still there unfortunately.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

(Looks for the ‘bore off’ emoji)

Ha ha ha

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I need a connection for sex, it doesn’t have to be a normal emotional one, more a meeting of minds, similar desires. "

How do you find that line? Does it get crossed?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

"I need a connection for sex, it doesn’t have to be a normal emotional one, more a meeting of minds, similar desires. "

Totally agree. If there’s a connection it definitely helps. I’ve a few people who have become Fab friends that I play with and we tick each other’s boxes, push boundaries and trust each other. Wouldn’t work without a connection. I can’t do sex with a total random.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

(Looks for the ‘bore off’ emoji)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

(Looks for the ‘bore off’ emoji)

Ha ha ha

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Same here. Lusty partners are just that, no love lost at all.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you think being happily married helps you seperate the two? Would you be as strong with the desperation if you were single?"

I can't answer that really. I suspect though it's easier to separate the two when you already have a partner. For me sex with others just brings a little extra pleasure to both of us so I don't need anything else when I meet. Being single I think I'd probably be looking for whatever was missing in my life. And if that was emotional connection with somebody then I expect I would look for that in my encounters. If that makes sense?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Without some kind of positive emotional I don't enjoy sex.

I don't want to feel like I'm just offering my holes to be filled.

I'm lazy and can't be arsed to get ready, for hole filling sex.

I'm not talking about feelings of love or attachment; I can feel detached from them and still feel an emotional connection.

Do you find it easy to keep that detachment or has it ever been blurred?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Do you think being happily married helps you seperate the two? Would you be as strong with the desperation if you were single?

Totally yes.. I think this sums up what I think as a singleton and I wonder if it's more common than those that can successfully have detached sex...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can,depends on the circs.

I think I've always thought about sex more like a "man" , than a "woman".

Interesting.. do you think it's largely a gender thing??

Not a gender thing but a learned thing. Traditionally it's been acceptable for men to fuck and go, but "good girls" were expected to be emotionally invested before they had sex.

That's changed slightly, but I think that belief is still there unfortunately."

Very much so.. my thought is that maybe many singletons find this harder as they don't have the emotional intimacy with a partner that couples already have.. so singles who crave some emotion would find it harder to disconnect than those that don't.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes I believe you can separate the two. You can have a connection and attraction of sorts without having emotions getting in the way. "

Do you think this is linked to how content you are with real life?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have done in the past, but I'm finding it much harder to do these days.. Especially because I'm single... If I really feel a connection then it makes me miss what I don't have on a regular basis..I want that can't get enough of each other raw passion. Random sex just doesn't do it for me. The best sex I've ever had was when deep feelings were involved.. Hence why I don't have many meets at the moment.

So im horny and fustrated most of the time at the moment grrrr haha and as melia puts it a "lady wank" just doesn't satisfy me... But rather that then just a fuck. "

Yeah totally get that! The mindset of what you're missing in life must affect the way you see sex and relationships..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *abs..Woman over a year ago

"Yes I believe you can separate the two. You can have a connection and attraction of sorts without having emotions getting in the way.

Do you think this is linked to how content you are with real life? "

Yes it possibly is a factor. If you’re looking for more then there’s more chance of you finding it. I’m not looking for that.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes it’s possible to separate the two, otherwise I’m not sure swingers / nsa sex would exist..

Whether you want to separate the two is another question.

I’ve discovered over time that I don’t want sex without some kind of emotion attached to it. Meaningless sex is just that, does nothing for me.

Do you think it's easier for happy couples than singles to maintain this? I wonder how easy it is to find the line as a single if you miss an emotional connection in real life....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All you people who contemplating on this problem, you're the ones worth looking for!

There has to be some emotions involved other wise it's empty, meaningless therefore not satisfying. It's another question how can you manage to keep those emotions within the "safe" limits. Yes, we believe being in a happy, strong relationship helps to overcome that challenge!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"All you people who contemplating on this problem, you're the ones worth looking for!

I definately think strong couples can achieve this easier than most singles.. I think singles who truly achieve this are in a minority.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can but I don't want to.

Being a female on here I get plenty of offers and could have meaningless sex with a different person every day but I just wouldn't feel satisfied.

I need that connection and to enjoy a person for who they are not just what we do physically.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

Depends how good the sex is. If the sex is shit hot i get dickmatised.

Also, if they leave me alone between meets and don’t woo me with words of passion etc., then yes, i find it easier.

I also find it easier as i get older as i realise some men (not al!!!!) are just shitheads and you tend to learn from experience.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *nowwhitexxx1Woman over a year ago

Hull

I also think the circumstances make a difference too.. If I met another single guy who was hot and sexy and I saw as someone I would like to "date" on a meet, that makes it harder to keep it separate.

However it Would be completly dynamics and my feelings would be different if I was meeting a couple (haven't done so far) but within that you know it is sex and yes you would find each other attractive and sexy but there wouldn't be the "other" feelings involved. But hopefully the sex would still be great!?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can but I don't want to.

Being a female on here I get plenty of offers and could have meaningless sex with a different person every day but I just wouldn't feel satisfied.

I need that connection and to enjoy a person for who they are not just what we do physically. "

Yeah too much choice is definately not always a good thing! Do you know where your lines are between connection and emotion?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Depends how good the sex is. If the sex is shit hot i get dickmatised.

Also, if they leave me alone between meets and don’t woo me with words of passion etc., then yes, i find it easier.

I also find it easier as i get older as i realise some men (not al!!!!) are just shitheads and you tend to learn from experience."

'Dickmatised'

Is it a conscious decision to seperate or have you not found one you want to keep?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I also think the circumstances make a difference too.. If I met another single guy who was hot and sexy and I saw as someone I would like to "date" on a meet, that makes it harder to keep it separate.

This is very much my thoughts.. how many people are actually trying before they buy rather than choosing to keep emotion completely seperate....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope. I can’t. I can’t do meaningless sex. Rather not bother.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is lust an emotion if it is then I can’t separate the two. I can have sex without developing feelings for the other person but a lustful attraction with some mental connection works best for me. However I’ve not been in a situation where it was purely sexual for many years so I don’t know if I can do it or can’t. That said I am looking to have sex with people I consider friends or would develop a friendship with as well these days so perhaps that answers it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Nope. I can’t. I can’t do meaningless sex. Rather not bother. "

Snap.. genuinely would rather have a brew.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A connection doesn't have to be emotional! I'm very rarely emotionally attached to friends tbh only my besties

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Yes OP I think they can be separated at an intellectual level, but sex often isn't about intellect, it's often about a visceral need to get inside anothers body and mind. That alone is a deep emotional response, isn't it?

Body and mind they always work together, so how do we ever switch off that part of us, mind body emotions thoughts are all interlinked, and where we cannot function as a person without all those elements of us being present in everything we do?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Nope. I can’t. I can’t do meaningless sex. Rather not bother.

Snap.. genuinely would rather have a brew. "

It’s a manc thing. A brew always makes things better

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes we can separate emotions from sex but if you are seeing people regularly there needs to be some kind of relationship in a friends based way , a real connection

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can but I don't want to.

Being a female on here I get plenty of offers and could have meaningless sex with a different person every day but I just wouldn't feel satisfied.

I need that connection and to enjoy a person for who they are not just what we do physically.

Yeah too much choice is definately not always a good thing! Do you know where your lines are between connection and emotion?"

I like to think I do. I'm quite shy when it comes to emotions though, I don't really let people in easily and even then it tends to be once I'm sure the other person feels emotions too. I guess there's less risk for me that way.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

o/p interesting question. Over the years, since I was a teenager, I've become attracted to a few women in what I'd call a 'spritual' way. The physical side did not even come into it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *abs..Woman over a year ago

It doesn’t have to be meaningless sex if you’re not emotionally invested though. I wouldn’t have sex with just anyone, there does need to be something about it but that doesn’t mean I’m emotionally invested.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Brilliantly put as usual..far more eloquent than I could explain!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes we can separate emotions from sex but if you are seeing people regularly there needs to be some kind of relationship in a friends based way , a real connection "

Do you think it would be as easy if you weren't in a couple already?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Yep, this exactly.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Nope. I can’t. I can’t do meaningless sex. Rather not bother.

Snap.. genuinely would rather have a brew.

It’s a manc thing. A brew always makes things better

Ha ha doesn't it just!!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yep, this exactly."

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can, yes, but it's utterly pointless for me and I agree with you on the cuppa. I'd rather have a coffee and talk shit with my lover than random sex with Angelina..... I wank better than I have random sex, it needs connection and or build up for me.....

For me it's all about knowing that you're both doing it for each others minds too and tickling each other internally. There's nothing better than resting my forehead on my girls and "touching minds" after a long old knowing stare, and a brew...

(yeah, laugh all you like, I'm defo not a "proper fabber", but I don't have to be, do I.....)

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can but I don't want to.

Being a female on here I get plenty of offers and could have meaningless sex with a different person every day but I just wouldn't feel satisfied.

I need that connection and to enjoy a person for who they are not just what we do physically.

Yeah too much choice is definately not always a good thing! Do you know where your lines are between connection and emotion?

Kind of reminds me a little of poker.. it's hard to keep a line when you have no idea where others lines are.. I'm naturally very defensive so very few get close.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes it’s possible to separate the two, otherwise I’m not sure swingers / nsa sex would exist..

Whether you want to separate the two is another question.

I’ve discovered over time that I don’t want sex without some kind of emotion attached to it. Meaningless sex is just that, does nothing for me.

Do you think it's easier for happy couples than singles to maintain this? I wonder how easy it is to find the line as a single if you miss an emotional connection in real life...."

I guess it depends on how you meet, I know of people who say they won’t meet more than once as they don’t want any chance of an attachment happening.

The line can be easily blurred regardless of whether you’re single or not. Although if you’re in a strong, happy open relationship this is less likely to happen.

Although it’s not beyond the realms of possibility to meet someone you fall for even when you’re not necessarily looking, if that makes sense.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can but I don't want to.

Being a female on here I get plenty of offers and could have meaningless sex with a different person every day but I just wouldn't feel satisfied.

I need that connection and to enjoy a person for who they are not just what we do physically.

Yeah too much choice is definately not always a good thing! Do you know where your lines are between connection and emotion?

Kind of reminds me a little of poker.. it's hard to keep a line when you have no idea where others lines are.. I'm naturally very defensive so very few get close."

Absolutely this

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Brilliantly put as usual..far more eloquent than I could explain!"

Not sure I've ever been described as eloquent before, thank you.

I dodged the key question though,

Sex without emotion, like life without emotions what's the point. It just makes everything feel a little grey bland lifeless and empty.

I'm an idiot. I want it all, stomach churning excitement, fireworks in the sky, fire in the eyes, a burning in the soul that another shares with me, the fun, laughs, that foolish vibrancy that makes life shiney,....without all that why should I ever come our of the cave.....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes it’s possible to separate the two, otherwise I’m not sure swingers / nsa sex would exist..

Whether you want to separate the two is another question.

I’ve discovered over time that I don’t want sex without some kind of emotion attached to it. Meaningless sex is just that, does nothing for me.

Do you think it's easier for happy couples than singles to maintain this? I wonder how easy it is to find the line as a single if you miss an emotional connection in real life....

I guess it depends on how you meet, I know of people who say they won’t meet more than once as they don’t want any chance of an attachment happening.

The line can be easily blurred regardless of whether you’re single or not. Although if you’re in a strong, happy open relationship this is less likely to happen.

Although it’s not beyond the realms of possibility to meet someone you fall for even when you’re not necessarily looking, if that makes sense."

Some ppl are a fuck load more loveable/dangerous than others I think, some couples seem to struggle to work that one out when choosing, so if there's the slightest crack in the relationship it's like a bomb hit....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes it’s possible to separate the two, otherwise I’m not sure swingers / nsa sex would exist..

Whether you want to separate the two is another question.

I’ve discovered over time that I don’t want sex without some kind of emotion attached to it. Meaningless sex is just that, does nothing for me.

Do you think it's easier for happy couples than singles to maintain this? I wonder how easy it is to find the line as a single if you miss an emotional connection in real life....

I guess it depends on how you meet, I know of people who say they won’t meet more than once as they don’t want any chance of an attachment happening.

The line can be easily blurred regardless of whether you’re single or not. Although if you’re in a strong, happy open relationship this is less likely to happen.

Although it’s not beyond the realms of possibility to meet someone you fall for even when you’re not necessarily looking, if that makes sense."

Yes I definately think the strong relationship is key to this.. this place will expose flaws if there are any..

it's totally possible to fall for someone as long as both are open about it.. the scary bit is allowing yourself to get that close without knowing the other persons intentions.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Brilliantly put as usual..far more eloquent than I could explain!

Not sure I've ever been described as eloquent before, thank you.

I dodged the key question though,

Sex without emotion, like life without emotions what's the point. It just makes everything feel a little grey bland lifeless and empty.

Guess I’m an idiot too then

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can, yes, but it's utterly pointless for me and I agree with you on the cuppa. I'd rather have a coffee and talk shit with my lover than random sex with Angelina..... I wank better than I have random sex, it needs connection and or build up for me.....

(yeah, laugh all you like, I'm defo not a "proper fabber", but I don't have to be, do I.....) "

I concur.. obvs.

It is what it is...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Brilliantly put as usual..far more eloquent than I could explain!

Not sure I've ever been described as eloquent before, thank you.

I dodged the key question though,

Sex without emotion, like life without emotions what's the point. It just makes everything feel a little grey bland lifeless and empty.

Guess I’m an idiot too then

Probably a Manc thing

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship? "

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

We meet people socially first to see if we get on but establishing an emotional connection that's anything but superficial compared to the connection we have with each other isn't possible. We're sexually promiscuous rather than emotionally promiscuous if you like.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Brilliantly put as usual..far more eloquent than I could explain!

Not sure I've ever been described as eloquent before, thank you.

I dodged the key question though,

Sex without emotion, like life without emotions what's the point. It just makes everything feel a little grey bland lifeless and empty.

Guess I’m an idiot too then

Probably a Manc thing

Probably. Salt of the earth

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How many threads, how many on the forum, of both sexes, say that they will never meet or have sex without "that connection" whatever the connection may be.

Isnt that just another way of saying there needs to be some level of emotional involvement before people meet, and have sex?

Maybe we can have sex without emotions, or maybe it depends on which emotions we are trying to subvert when we think of sex as just NSA.

Every part of our life comes with strings in some form, why would sex be any different?

Brilliantly put as usual..far more eloquent than I could explain!

Not sure I've ever been described as eloquent before, thank you.

I dodged the key question though,

Sex without emotion, like life without emotions what's the point. It just makes everything feel a little grey bland lifeless and empty.

Ah that's lovely!! I think most people would struggle to say that this isn't their dream.. the couples here hopefully have this already which allows them to explore together..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes it’s possible to separate the two, otherwise I’m not sure swingers / nsa sex would exist..

Whether you want to separate the two is another question.

I’ve discovered over time that I don’t want sex without some kind of emotion attached to it. Meaningless sex is just that, does nothing for me.

Do you think it's easier for happy couples than singles to maintain this? I wonder how easy it is to find the line as a single if you miss an emotional connection in real life....

I guess it depends on how you meet, I know of people who say they won’t meet more than once as they don’t want any chance of an attachment happening.

The line can be easily blurred regardless of whether you’re single or not. Although if you’re in a strong, happy open relationship this is less likely to happen.

Although it’s not beyond the realms of possibility to meet someone you fall for even when you’re not necessarily looking, if that makes sense.

Totally!!! Only a rock solid relationship can truly do this without it causing some kind of emotional instability.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It doesn’t have to be meaningless sex if you’re not emotionally invested though. I wouldn’t have sex with just anyone, there does need to be something about it but that doesn’t mean I’m emotionally invested. "

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There is a space in between the two I find. I love my Wife and nothing would change that, we both swing, but I wouldn't engage sexually with someone who I didn't have a connection too.

Our swing partners all have a connection for us which just dosent stimulate the body but also the mind, biggest sexual organ we all have.

So we make love without being in love. It's closer than just sex but not a relationship. We care about them when we are with them but dont morn them when they have gone. If that makes sense Male

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is lust an emotion if it is then I can’t separate the two. I can have sex without developing feelings for the other person but a lustful attraction with some mental connection works best for me. However I’ve not been in a situation where it was purely sexual for many years so I don’t know if I can do it or can’t. That said I am looking to have sex with people I consider friends or would develop a friendship with as well these days so perhaps that answers it."

Are you confident in knowing where your lines are in these relationships or are you playing it by ear? I think it's tough when you're a passionate person to differentiate in the moment...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception.."

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I sense a slight distaste towards disconnected sex running through this thread and others on similar subjects from some of the language used. I wonder if that's as a result of needing emotional connection or part of the motive for it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"o/p interesting question. Over the years, since I was a teenager, I've become attracted to a few women in what I'd call a 'spritual' way. The physical side did not even come into it."

Can you keep that seperate if you find someone you connect with and have sex with?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I can.

But sex without connection is only a little bit more exiting than a lady wank

It feels like a lot of effort for something that probably won't make me cum anyway.

I'd rather be eating snacks in pyjamas than fuck a random these days

Oh my - couldn't have put it better myself!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I wonder whether it's because most singles crave a strong connection with someone before they can think in a less connected way... couples have their emotion already whereas singles don't.. some crave it.. others don't and that affects how they communicate and meet people..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes we can separate emotions from sex but if you are seeing people regularly there needs to be some kind of relationship in a friends based way , a real connection "

Do you think you could do this as a single or does the strength of your relationship affect how you seperate emotion?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with this too.

Emotional connection is somewhat subjective after all.

I have what I call a good emotional connection with a guy I met off here. We’re both in similar situations, we understand each other and neither of us are looking for anything more, it works well when we meet up.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I agree with this ... I've always thought that sometimes people are looking for emotional connections that are missing in their lives. And there also is a discrepancy between men and women, men seem totally capable of just sex, with no connection of any sort for fulfilment, whereas women prefer sex with a connection of some sort for fulfilment. Of course I'm generalising and only talking about my experience on fab ......

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"There is a space in between the two I find. I love my Wife and nothing would change that, we both swing, but I wouldn't engage sexually with someone who I didn't have a connection too.

Our swing partners all have a connection for us which just dosent stimulate the body but also the mind, biggest sexual organ we all have.

So we make love without being in love. It's closer than just sex but not a relationship. We care about them when we are with them but dont morn them when they have gone. If that makes sense Male

Totally.. I think virtually everyone needs a connection on some level. I wonder if singles are as good at seperating the emotion...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I agree with this too.

Emotional connection is somewhat subjective after all.

It's totally subjective yes.. I think the emotional part is dependent on if you have a missing part in your real life.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"Emotional connection from physical connection?

Are you able to truly have one without the other?

Im not sure I ever have, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older.. I'd genuinely rather have a cup of tea than sex without an emotional link.

Can you do it?

Does it take effort?

Are some people just incapable of seperating the two? "

I can - yes - absolutely! But then I realised since joining fab that I’ve always had a very ‘bloke’ mentality when it comes to sex in that I can enjoy great sex with virtual strangers for what it is! Of course I need to be physically and emotionally attracted to them - but attracted - not attached!

The attachments I’ve made on Fab are friendship attachments - some of those people I have sex with - many I don’t!

You’re right though op - many ARE in capable of the two - and whilst that can result in the formation of some lovely, loving fab couples - more often than not (on a site like this) it causes no end of shit as one person is in strictly nsa mode and the other develops ‘the feels’ in an incredibly short time! Then all hell breaks loose and often others get caught in the crossfire!

That’s been my observation of it so far anyway!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

Totally.. my experience is that if I'm craving affection then I struggle to meet casually because the gap is not just sexual.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I genuinely don't know. We were both promiscuous before we got together and didn't ask for or want a strong emotional connection with our lovers.

We were discussing this last night actually as it seems to be a recurring theme in the fora currently. We came to the conclusion that people are just different and therefore have different requirements. However neither of us are quick to get involved emotionally with people, even on a platonic basis, maybe that's significant.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I can do and have done in the past, I've had random encounters in clubs where it was just about the 'here and now', the purely physical attraction and I've had meets where it was literally just about having fun with someone that I connected with intellectually.

I can separate emotional connection and sex, on occasions the line has become blurred though, that's when it's become more.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No. I don't do NSA.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So im horny and fustrated most of the time at the moment grrrr haha and as melia puts it a "lady wank" just doesn't satisfy me... But rather that then just a fuck. "

I agree, The best sex is always with a deep emotional attachment with someone you truly adore,

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I think that for *some* women the need for emotional connection is a result of society's attitudes towards women and sex. After all nice women don't enjoy sex just for its own sake...do they?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Emotional connection from physical connection?

Are you able to truly have one without the other?

Im not sure I ever have, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older.. I'd genuinely rather have a cup of tea than sex without an emotional link.

Can you do it?

Does it take effort?

Are some people just incapable of seperating the two?

The attachments I’ve made on Fab are friendship attachments - some of those people I have sex with - many I don’t!

That’s been my observation of it so far anyway! "

Very much so.. reminds me of a thread I did a while ago about how clear people are on what they truly want.

I can't do NSA and have been very clear on this yet still had people attempt to get close that were clearly not on the same page. That's just a recipe for disaster and not worth the stress.

My observation has been that a large proportion of singletons would like to meet their emotional equivalent and that grey area of allowing themselves to emotionally connect is a really tricky balancing act.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I genuinely don't know. We were both promiscuous before we got together and didn't ask for or want a strong emotional connection with our lovers.

It's knowing what suits your needs I think and being open about what works for you. More often than not I think grey areas cause drama when lines aren't clear on both sides.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

So im horny and fustrated most of the time at the moment grrrr haha and as melia puts it a "lady wank" just doesn't satisfy me... But rather that then just a fuck.

I agree, The best sex is always with a deep emotional attachment with someone you truly adore, "

With respect where does that leave the people you meet? Second best?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Emotional connection from physical connection?

Are you able to truly have one without the other?

Im not sure I ever have, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older.. I'd genuinely rather have a cup of tea than sex without an emotional link.

Can you do it?

Does it take effort?

Are some people just incapable of seperating the two?

The attachments I’ve made on Fab are friendship attachments - some of those people I have sex with - many I don’t!

That’s been my observation of it so far anyway!

Very much so.. reminds me of a thread I did a while ago about how clear people are on what they truly want.

I can't do NSA and have been very clear on this yet still had people attempt to get close that were clearly not on the same page. That's just a recipe for disaster and not worth the stress.

Or they’re too scared to.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can do and have done in the past, I've had random encounters in clubs where it was just about the 'here and now', the purely physical attraction and I've had meets where it was literally just about having fun with someone that I connected with intellectually.

I can separate emotional connection and sex, on occasions the line has become blurred though, that's when it's become more. "

The blurring of the lines is the danger zone.. either something develops or someone gets hurt..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Yep, this exactly.

Do you think this is because you're in a strong relationship?

Possibly. It does seem that it's mostly people who are here singly who need an emotional connection.

I think couples and singles on here are a world apart in how they view, handle and use the site.. with the odd exception..

I think you're right although the single men we meet have no interest in emotional connections.

The following is a discussion point. I'm not offended or implying anyone is wrong for feeling the way they do.

I genuinely don't know. We were both promiscuous before we got together and didn't ask for or want a strong emotional connection with our lovers.

It's knowing what suits your needs I think and being open about what works for you. More often than not I think grey areas cause drama when lines aren't clear on both sides. "

Yes I agree. We're both very clear with people on here and in real life. It helps but leads to unpopularity

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Emotional connection from physical connection?

Are you able to truly have one without the other?

Im not sure I ever have, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older.. I'd genuinely rather have a cup of tea than sex without an emotional link.

Can you do it?

Does it take effort?

Are some people just incapable of seperating the two?

The attachments I’ve made on Fab are friendship attachments - some of those people I have sex with - many I don’t!

That’s been my observation of it so far anyway!

Very much so.. reminds me of a thread I did a while ago about how clear people are on what they truly want.

I can't do NSA and have been very clear on this yet still had people attempt to get close that were clearly not on the same page. That's just a recipe for disaster and not worth the stress.

Or they’re too scared to. "

Totally.. it's difficult to put yourself out there sometimes.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ust PeachyWoman over a year ago

Prestonish

"Emotional connection from physical connection?

Are you able to truly have one without the other?

Im not sure I ever have, and it seems to be getting worse as I get older.. I'd genuinely rather have a cup of tea than sex without an emotional link.

Can you do it?

Does it take effort?

Are some people just incapable of seperating the two?

The attachments I’ve made on Fab are friendship attachments - some of those people I have sex with - many I don’t!

That’s been my observation of it so far anyway!

Very much so.. reminds me of a thread I did a while ago about how clear people are on what they truly want.

I can't do NSA and have been very clear on this yet still had people attempt to get close that were clearly not on the same page. That's just a recipe for disaster and not worth the stress.

Absolutely - and I think on a site like this honesty is vital! The only times I’ve been hurt on here are when people have deceived me! Lies hurt - honesty from the outset rarely does!

Don’t get me wrong - I don’t particularly want to be single for the rest of my life and I’d like to meet a special, amazing someone! I know, however, that I want that special someone to be able to separate love and great sex just as successfully as I can - so that we can both swing but be each other’s undisputed number 1 - like many of the long term, successful couples on here!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes we can separate emotions from sex but if you are seeing people regularly there needs to be some kind of relationship in a friends based way , a real connection

Do you think it would be as easy if you weren't in a couple already?"

Probably not for me as my heart rules my head , D would definitely find it easier as he’s more cautious x