FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Inclusivity

Inclusivity

By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Following on from the clique thread (hereafter known as the other 'c' word) do you think that the forums are inclusive? Do you think that forum regulars do enough to make new posters feel welcome and if not, what more could be done?

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel about as welcome as a fart in a space suit

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

Not inclusive but, frankly I don't let that bother me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nervous the first time, still nervous sometimes.

I think the threads/posts come so quick it can be hard to keep up

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

Mostly positive, I only found a few people to be rude.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel about as welcome as a fart in a space suit"

Or a bacon butty in a Synagogue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Following on from the clique thread (hereafter known as the other 'c' word) do you think that the forums are inclusive? Do you think that forum regulars do enough to make new posters feel welcome and if not, what more could be done?

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks... "

I’m not sure it’s incumbent on anyone else to make others feel welcome.

Certain members just need not be a twat to others and for that twattery to be condoned by others through silence or actual backing up.

We’re all equal here.

This is an adult site, not a playground.

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By *edmark07Man over a year ago

liverpool

Its no worse or better than other sites tbh. As a newish poster I've found it fine, certainly not felt like I don't belong or shouldn't be here but of course there are cliques just like on every site

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times? "

Not you again

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By *hewifeandiCouple over a year ago

Bristol

We don't care ,just get amongst it have a giggle and join in,just be careful on what you post lol

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

I think some newbies are given a hard time. Particularly men. By men.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it could be more friendly and welcoming at times.

I think more people should call out those who aren't when they respond negatively.

I didn't feel particularly welcomed, or responded to, in fact I'm still not. But it doesn't stop me waffling on.

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan over a year ago

Seen in far off places

All good

I have found forum folk to be both friendly and generally quite interesting

Interactions often provide me with a giggle or two

...and if I can get myself laid in the process, all the better

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks... "

No I don't think they're inclusive.

I'm not here to tell forum regulars what they should or shouldn't be doing (apart from within or without forum rules) though, it's human nature to try and eliminate competition but I do think everyone should be given a chance.

I had been posting on forums for years before I posted here and knew that staying on the periphery, having a hide like a rhino and being quite cynical was the way forward.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's always hard to just join in a new group (see, didn't use the C word) when relationships have already been formed and there some threads which are definitely aimed at a particular group. However, this site in general can be hard work because some people are naturally just arseholes and that's how it is lol

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By *hewifeandiCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"It's always hard to just join in a new group (see, didn't use the C word) when relationships have already been formed and there some threads which are definitely aimed at a particular group. However, this site in general can be hard work because some people are naturally just arseholes and that's how it is lol

Hahaha it's true

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perhaps it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie.

This episode has been cathartic for many. Now just time to get on with it and avoid building up tin gods.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think they can be inclusive at times but not always...

When I first joined I joined in on my previous profile. A popular formite asked for dating advice and I gave it. This apparently is not what they wanted, and I received a tone of abusive messages from the OP in question and all of their ‘friends’.

Ended up deleting my page.

Came back on this profile and avoided their threads for a while. When I did eventually think ‘fuck it’ they obviously didn’t remember me and was actually alright with me

I remember getting a lot of stick for my first forum post; I questioned so many men liked the thought of knocking someone up on fab. I joined at 20, had only been with my husband and all these fetishes were brand new to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perhaps it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie.

This episode has been cathartic for many. Now just time to get on with it and avoid building up tin gods. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

Not you again

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You also get a few rude/nasty people on any public forum...thankfully the good outweighs the bad in my experience

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss"

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it?

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it? "

If it takes over the thread ,yeah

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it? "

Oops. I shan’t flutter my eyelashes at you again then

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

"Not inclusive but, frankly I don't let that bother me"

This, in a nutshell.

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan over a year ago

Seen in far off places

"Not inclusive but, frankly I don't let that bother me

This, in a nutshell.

Gorgeous physique Iridescent

Damn it, am I just flirting now / hijacking?!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it?

If it takes over the thread ,yeah"

What a load of rubbish, flirting on any thread is a good thing, it's the whole point of this site

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By *c1989Woman over a year ago

Manchester

"I feel about as welcome as a fart in a space suit"

https://youtu.be/9WoM2bHfr48

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel about as welcome as a fart in a space suit

https://youtu.be/9WoM2bHfr48"

Haha never seen that before

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The forum people that rhink forums were made for them and their possy are the ones that to me are kept at a distance.

Just a different breed of people really. Not bad or good just different. I've been to three Manchester socials and each one was divided down the middle by forum bodies doing exactly what they do in here just rambling amongst themselves instead of mumbling away on here

Quite a sight to see really but a very eye-opening experience as to how serious some folks take their internet lives to the extreme. It sealed the deal on going to anymore as I'm not a fan of atmospheres....bad ones that is. I'd just like to add wasn't an issue for me I had a ball once we left

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it?

If it takes over the thread ,yeah

What a load of rubbish, flirting on any thread is a good thing, it's the whole point of this site"

That's your view,a harmless comment here and there isn't what I meant.

When someone starts a thread and then it turns into an entire arse kissing between a few people,it doesn't feel inclusive.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

As a hardened lounge veteran , I would say that apart from a few knobcheeses that spoil it , we are great at welcoming new inductees

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When I posted a comment on the forums for the first time it didn't go down very well. I actually nearly left fab because of it. I grew some balls and carried on as per usual.

They can be fun and interesting sometimes so I still keep popping back

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By *dam1971Man over a year ago

Bedford

I’ve found that plenty of people are very kind, both on the forum and on messages sent about forum posts.

But others are absolutely vicious

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By *c1989Woman over a year ago

Manchester

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it?

If it takes over the thread ,yeah

What a load of rubbish, flirting on any thread is a good thing, it's the whole point of this site

That's your view,a harmless comment here and there isn't what I meant.

When someone starts a thread and then it turns into an entire arse kissing between a few people,it doesn't feel inclusive. "

I think I've seen that a few times. The OP gets ignored while a few go off on a tangent. It does put me off starting one a bit but then I'm not that prolific a user of the forums anyway. If I did pose an interesting thought or question. I probably couldn't keep up with the replies and discussion.

I said on the lurker thread yesterday though I've seen some really good debates where everyone's opinions were respected. Agreements to disagree etc. So it isn't all bad all the time.

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

I think they are pretty inclusive, people only get “jumped on” if they are particularly provocative, that happens in any social circle though, there is always one trouble maker or loud mouth that needs to be taken in hand, it’s pretty much the same here.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

The forums are certainly not inclusive for those that hold opinions that go against the grain or for views that are more conservative on a number of controversial issues.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

It all depends on how they are I think

Behave like an arse, be treated like an arse

I think sometimes people see the banter between regulars, think they can try the same and end up offending as others don't know then from Adam/Eve ...

It's no different than walking into a pub for the first time and making a joke about the wife of the guy sat at the end of the bar on what is clearly his usual place

You would walk in ... make friendly conversation and small talk to find out about the person... and it would grow from there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

"It all depends on how they are I think

Behave like an arse, be treated like an arse

I think sometimes people see the banter between regulars, think they can try the same and end up offending as others don't know then from Adam/Eve ...

It's no different than walking into a pub for the first time and making a joke about the wife of the guy sat at the end of the bar on what is clearly his usual place

You would walk in ... make friendly conversation and small talk to find out about the person... and it would grow from there"

*wouldn't that should be

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The forums are certainly not inclusive for those that hold opinions that go against the grain or for views that are more conservative on a number of controversial issues."

Definitely this!!

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By *irth VaderMan over a year ago

Busby

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times? "

I do a post search to see if my topic has been addressed recently. If not, then I crack on.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It's a tough one and also a two way thing - I think there are *some* who are inclusive and you see them in threads all the time, either giving advice, or repeatedly coming back to a thread to respond to people, almost "hosting" it - then there are those that gravitate towards people they know, which to an extent is a natural instinct, and of course there are those that are outright rude to others on a regular basis - basically it's just a micro-cosm of life with all sorts of different characters.

For a newbie it can be daunting particularly if it's a fast moving thread or one dominated by a group of friends but I don't think it's necessarily a case of those newbies being excluded as such more they're unknown so aren't necessarily noticeable at first - which is where the two way thing comes in - just as regulars should be inclusive where they can, a newbie needs to make an effort to get noticed and ultimately seen as a regular and do so by carrying on posting regardless and not accepting that sometimes they may not get noticed and that nothing is meant by it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been back a few weeks came back just for the forums although I'm not totally getting in there I feel that I've been made welcome

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The forum people that rhink forums were made for them and their possy are the ones that to me are kept at a distance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread."

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

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By *ust chilled out meMan over a year ago

Peterborough

Sometimes you get someone that riply others you dont but I've found the forums alot beter than chat room

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been back a few weeks came back just for the forums although I'm not totally getting in there I feel that I've been made welcome "

Welcome back

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks... "

I march to the beat of my own drum, unless of course a mod takes my sticks of me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks...

I march to the beat of my own drum, unless of course a mod takes my sticks of me

Indeed - don’t we all - even if our beat is influenced more by some that others.

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By *icetouch83Man over a year ago

swansea

My experiences have been mostly ok I've had the odd person being rude and trying to put me down but I take it like a pinch of salt and not let it get to me. There's plenty of nice people on here that made it easy for me to post and I'm grateful to have made some lovely friends so it's been fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No I don't think they always are,

Some have been put off by a response they have had and never post again.

Then there are the thread hoggers who hijack threads and use them to flirt etc .

Miss

Flirting on a thread is hijacking it?

If it takes over the thread ,yeah

What a load of rubbish, flirting on any thread is a good thing, it's the whole point of this site

That's your view,a harmless comment here and there isn't what I meant.

When someone starts a thread and then it turns into an entire arse kissing between a few people,it doesn't feel inclusive. "

I think I know what you are trying to say

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By *ot-AshMan over a year ago

London

I always include everyone in all my threads and never leave anyone out and do try my best to make newbies feel welcome and encourage lurkers to post as the forum is after all for everyone to have fun on and a great way to also make new friends.

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By *ust chilled out meMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"I always include everyone in all my threads and never leave anyone out and do try my best to make newbies feel welcome and encourage lurkers to post as the forum is after all for everyone to have fun on and a great way to also make new friends."

Morning ash how you doing mate

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You do

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By *ot-AshMan over a year ago

London

Morning ash how you doing mate "

Good thanks mate...Enjoying a coffee on my day off..Hope you have a great Bank holiday weekend..

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By *ocodoughnutgirlWoman over a year ago

Sea of jelly and doughnuts

I lurked for at least 5/6 weeks before joining in with the forums.

I wanted to see if I'd fit in and where I'd fit in.

My first forum post people actually joined in and I wasn't expecting much from it. Thats how I view the whole site, I'm not expecting anything... I'm here to have fun, make connections and hopefully make some friends..

So do I feel welcome?... Maybe... I just post and enjoy what ever does or doesn't happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There is a mix of people and approaches here. Just look at the different types of threads.

I don't think anyone intentionally excludes people (unless it's someone they have beef with personally but that's different) they just don't think to actively encourage newbies because well, why should they? The forums are open to all, we're all grown ups, if you want to join in join in.

If you want to be noticed then you need to post, simple as that. The more people see you the more they'll remember you and the more you'll feel included.

We all get different things from using the forums and there are those who are welcoming and embracing of newbies and there are those who do their own thing and those who just joke around with friends. No one is right or wrong it just is what it is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks...

I march to the beat of my own drum, unless of course a mod takes my sticks of me

Indeed - don’t we all - even if our beat is influenced more by some that others."

Well I still believe in black sheep and am proud to be one, if others want to bleat snow white that's their prerogative. I don't care about strangers in any way to included or exclude them, I'm my same sarcy self with all. That way it saves for confusion and or favouritism. The world's just a nation of complainers when it should be more compliments. I'd rather give someone wings than shit on their bonfire but not everyone can be made perfect like me hahaha

This clique thing raises it head every so often, it will go out of fashion again when a fat bird or ladyman gets hot photo to alert the coterie to something new.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How did you feel when you first started posting on the forums?

Share your experiences folks...

I march to the beat of my own drum, unless of course a mod takes my sticks of me

Indeed - don’t we all - even if our beat is influenced more by some that others.

This clique thing raises it head every so often, it will go out of fashion again when a fat bird or ladyman gets hot photo to alert the coterie to something new."

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In response to my own OP, I can see both sides. I can understand why newbies would feel left out as many posters just skim threads for replies to their posts or don't read whole threads, they just semi read the OP, then post their thoughts. Often someone will post something that is relevant but gets overlooked in favour of the same point by a more established user. That can be difficult to grasp.

On the other side, many users just use the forums to natter with friends and use threads as stepping stones.

It's a difficult one to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been back a few weeks came back just for the forums although I'm not totally getting in there I feel that I've been made welcome

Welcome back

Thank you

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

There are some very friendly folk on here who, if they start a thread, usually seem to make every effort to be inclusive to those who reply. The only reason I won't name them is because I'll probably forget to include someone and I don't want to cause offence (though there's at least one person here I'd put in that category). But personally, I really like and appreciate that attitude when I see it and mark those people down as posessing emotional intelligence and kindness.

However, it'd be ridiculous to deny that the opposite is also true and when the usual advice to newbies, lurkers and anyone lacking self confidence is to get stuck in and make yourself known, it's going to feel like banging your head on a brick wall if you wander into a thread full of a defined group - however you want to describe them - talking very specifically amongst themselves (and ignoring anyone else).

I'm hesitating as I'm writing this because I don't want to seem like a twat but I'll give an example of something I encountered which felt very far from inclusive and, to be absolutely honest, made me feel very meh. And it's stuff like that which puts me off posting at all ... even though I completely recognise that's counter productive ...

... in short, I recently(ish) saw a light hearted thread where my first reaction was to literally think 'what a *great* idea' - sounds fun, everyone and anyone can join in, could be a laugh, might encourage some friendly banter etc. It was one of those 'do you look like anyone famous?' threads. So, in what I thought would be in the spirit of the thread and being what I thought was inclusive, I made a face pic public so *everyone* could gawp at it if they wanted - and quite a substantial number did. Only one nice lady commented but that's fine, maybe I don't look like anyone famous ... unfortunately though, not a single other person sent me their face in return. So that was it, game over, I literally couldn't join in ... and you know what, though it pains me to say it, it actually felt a bit shit, especially since I felt I'd made the sort of effort with a public photo that not everyone would. Of course, I expect I wasn't the only one left out but on a theme that ran to several threads it became very clear from the many responses that a number of shall we say, the more 'popular' (or fanciable perhaps?) respondents were being inundated with pictures and responses and were therefore being very much included.

Look, I'm a grown up and I know that any opportunity to make a connection with someone you fancy on a site like this is going to be milked but I had also naively imagined a thread like that could have been a great ice breaker simply to get to know people and therefore feel part of something fun *as well* - and it shouldn't have mattered what you looked like or how well known you were or not because everyone could take part, *so long* as they were allowed to. I'm not sure what else I could have done to join in short of *demanding* people sent me their photos but it kind of felt a bit unedifying at my age to stamp my feet like a kid left out of a playground game

So yeah ... broadly speaking, I don't feel the forums have, generally speaking, been terribly inclusive of late and that acts as a deterrent against posting for me. Multiply that by anyone else who feels similarly and obviously you end up with a 'core' set of posters which kind of exacerbates the issue if *some* of them are inclined to be non inclusive. I'm not exactly sure how to phrase this but I do wish (some) thread starters could perhaps be a little more thoughtful by acknowledging replies they get - especially if opinions/experiences have been asked for and people have clearly made an effort in return. It does bug me when an OP poses an interesting question but then responds only to posters they're mates with, and/or whose knickers they want to get into because that's 10/15 minutes seemingly wasted.

But ... as is so often cited, people here use the site for their own ends and in their own way. It's therefore hardly surprising that being inclusive isn't at the forefront of everyone's mind

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By *ust chilled out meMan over a year ago

Peterborough

Morning ash how you doing mate

Good thanks mate...Enjoying a coffee on my day off..Hope you have a great Bank holiday weekend..

I'm child free for a change mate so going to try and make the most of it

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By *ensualtouch15Man over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

I genuinely dont get involved in forum politics, I'll leave that to the regulars

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By *ust chilled out meMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"There are some very friendly folk on here who, if they start a thread, usually seem to make every effort to be inclusive to those who reply. The only reason I won't name them is because I'll probably forget to include someone and I don't want to cause offence (though there's at least one person here I'd put in that category). But personally, I really like and appreciate that attitude when I see it and mark those people down as posessing emotional intelligence and kindness.

But ... as is so often cited, people here use the site for their own ends and in their own way. It's therefore hardly surprising that being inclusive isn't at the forefront of everyone's mind

I've found the late night nocturnal thread to be very friendly and would recommend anyone who's thinking of posting on a thread to maybe try there asp iff there abit nervous ect

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By *ickygirl41Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times? "

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

This is also very true, and very rude. None of us would ever open our mouths if we always had to be original. And we all have favourite topics of conversation too so they're inevitably repeated/rehashed. What's more, new people can bring new ways of looking at things, new info etc.

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By *ickygirl41Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread."

That actually does help when you're new to forums, makes em less daunting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

Being reasonable isn't allowed on here. Stop that now

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Cheltenham/Telford

*warning* I have Not read the entire thread.... However have skimmed through and read a few.

I've been back on FAB a few months now. New profile, new pics etc etc etc blah blah.... It does take a while to...

1. Regain your lost confidence and pluck up the courage to get involved

2. Identify a thread that you can relate to, and choose wisely with some kind of positive input

I steered well clear of any thread where there tended to be anything particularly controversial to as not to exclude MYSELF... Its a tough gig, the "group" can be tough at times, but at the end of the day... Of anyone makes me feel shit, it's them that's the other "c word" not me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

I read your other post and feel bad that I didn’t notice what you had done on the thread in question. As I think I participated quite actively on it and enjoyed myself

I also agree with you on the sarcastic posts that newbies get when a well trodden thread topic is posted. I really like your posts generally as they are always well thought through and insightful

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"*warning* I have Not read the entire thread.... However have skimmed through and read a few.

I've been back on FAB a few months now. New profile, new pics etc etc etc blah blah.... It does take a while to...

1. Regain your lost confidence and pluck up the courage to get involved

2. Identify a thread that you can relate to, and choose wisely with some kind of positive input

Welcome back

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Cheltenham/Telford

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

That actually does help when you're new to forums, makes em less daunting."

Yeah a good way of getting to know people, and actually not too difficult at the start when only 2 or 3 people comment

In all seriousness though, it's like people see others they like posting on a noobs thread, they join in... Which means more replies for you to get stuck into

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Cheltenham/Telford

"*warning* I have Not read the entire thread.... However have skimmed through and read a few.

I've been back on FAB a few months now. New profile, new pics etc etc etc blah blah.... It does take a while to...

1. Regain your lost confidence and pluck up the courage to get involved

2. Identify a thread that you can relate to, and choose wisely with some kind of positive input

Welcome back

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Cheltenham/Telford

That was supposed to say Thanks Doc.... Fml

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"...I'm not sure what else I could have done to join in short of *demanding* people sent me their photos but it kind of felt a bit unedifying at my age to stamp my feet like a kid left out of a playground game

Sorry to read this was your experience LFV, I can understand why it would be disheartening. I find in those threads I am often "aged out" of replying to people. In that particular thread I got two messages.

I think when it comes to threads like those, people are more often likely to respond in kind. Like on fpf if you have a public face photo you don't get many responses because why do they need to? They can have a peek anyway. Fuck this reads like I'm being a patronising twat and belittling your narrative - not meant to! I'm trying to say, I get it. But don't let it dishearten you, even people you *think* might get messages or responses often don't.

But ... as is so often cited, people here use the site for their own ends and in their own way. It's therefore hardly surprising that being inclusive isn't at the forefront of everyone's mind

I think that sometimes the fora can be incredibly inclusive and supportive, others less so. I think right now it's erring towards the less so but it tends to go in peaks and stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That was supposed to say Thanks Doc.... Fml

You’re welcome- my iPad has the habit of thwarting my best intentions on here. Temperamental sod it is

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There is a mix of people and approaches here. Just look at the different types of threads.

If you want to be noticed then you need to post, simple as that. The more people see you the more they'll remember you and the more you'll feel included.

People do the same at clubs though, hide in a corner all night, make no effort to converse, make eye contact not even so much as a sneeze

come back on to fab to complain and bleat that the club was unfriendly and unwelcoming and all the other UNs...life's what you make it put effort in and you'll get effort back, if you sit there unnoticed that's exactly what you'll be, in any aspect of life. None of us joined here to hold people's hands that still don't get picked for rounders or the disco kiss, if you've not learnt how to overcome this or deal with it by now then the forums or active environments will never be your thing. Suck it up and try scrabble or indoor bowls.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it depends on the type of thread and who's around too.. I'm wary of posting threads as they can be turned into something they're not intended to be.

I tend to post threads based on something I'm genuinely interested to find out. Usually something that challenged my own thoughts and I like to see if others think the same. It's lovely when new people pop up and offer their opinion and often leads to a bit of a chat.

We all laugh and joke with friends on here but yes I do often cringe at sarcastic responses to people I've not seen before.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But ... as is so often cited, people here use the site for their own ends and in their own way. It's therefore hardly surprising that being inclusive isn't at the forefront of everyone's mind

I think that sometimes the fora can be incredibly inclusive and supportive, others less so. I think right now it's erring towards the less so but it tends to go in peaks and stuff."

It's not the best of topics but it beats kiss me, look at me or fuck me threads so for now it's refreshing. Every thread emotes different reactions and responses to us all which is why we mostly return to the madhouse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When I posted a comment on the forums for the first time it didn't go down very well. I actually nearly left fab because of it. I grew some balls and carried on as per usual.

They can be fun and interesting sometimes so I still keep popping back

Welcome back

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They are not particularly inclusive no and there are cliques who like their back and forward banter and pseudo flirting. Sometimes that works on a thread and sometimes it gets in the way. If I start to see the fluttery eylids emoji being used it is time to scroll faster till I get past those posts.

People can come across as intolerant of listening to others views at times but it is what it is and not sure it will ever change. It is no worse than say Pistonheads were I also post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You succeed Ash

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times? "

That is so true! Some people can be so rude! There’s no need

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By *ellbound_GhoulwarpWoman over a year ago

Fifth Circle of Hell

Can be up and down on here, some days are better than others. Like it's been mentioned, there's a lot of cliques in the forum's and lots of know it alls and oh don't you dare have your own opinion around them cause they'll shoot you down in a heartbeat

I tend to stay away from the forums but it has gotten better recently and there is some lovely people about

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By *airytaleOfNewPorkMan over a year ago

Cheltenham/Telford

Outstanding threads Ash and incredibly inclusive... Don't know how you keep up with it pal

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

I read your other post and feel bad that I didn’t notice what you had done on the thread in question. As I think I participated quite actively on it and enjoyed myself

I also agree with you on the sarcastic posts that newbies get when a well trodden thread topic is posted. I really like your posts generally as they are always well thought through and insightful

Thank you ... I wasn't suggesting that I'm very very important or anything and therefore *should* have been included, but described it as an example of what I thought could have been a brilliantly inclusive thread because, on the face (no pun intended) of it there was no bar to anyone. But the nature of the game meant there was if you were overlooked (for whatever reason).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

I read your other post and feel bad that I didn’t notice what you had done on the thread in question. As I think I participated quite actively on it and enjoyed myself

I also agree with you on the sarcastic posts that newbies get when a well trodden thread topic is posted. I really like your posts generally as they are always well thought through and insightful

Yep it’s a challenge if you start a thread with that potential to facilitate it so it works like that. As you say there are a number of thread starters who go out of their way to make them as inclusive as possible and I guess it is a good thing to consider when starting a thread, if inclusion is one of the aims.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"They are not particularly inclusive no and there are cliques who like their back and forward banter and pseudo flirting. Sometimes that works on a thread and sometimes it gets in the way. If I start to see the fluttery eylids emoji being used it is time to scroll faster till I get past those posts.

People can come across as intolerant of listening to others views at times but it is what it is and not sure it will ever change. It is no worse than say Pistonheads were I also post."

That's the thing, it *is* no different here to *any* internet forum, regardless of the subject matter - yes there's an undercurrent of sex and meeting others you might not get on others such as band or car forums - but the character types, gripes etc are still the same.

Not saying that's right or wrong but to an extent it's the nature of the beast.

I think it's also easy to *think* you've been overlooked or ignored on some threads, as an example I posted what I thought a reasoned and balanced response further up this thread that has gone uncommented on - now it doesn't bother me in the slightest that it hasn't (either it wasn't worthy of comment, people accepted it and didn't see reason to question it, or any number of other reasons besides) but to a newbie or irregular poster it may *seem* like they were being ignored when in fact that wasn't the case at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes and no.

Some posters and threads are very inclusive, however the forums can be very unfriendly and unwelcomeing when you are new. Well that was my experience.

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mostly yes, pretty inclusive. I think most of the drama and nastiness is reg on reg tbh.... ...hopefully shiz is changing now innit...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People can come across as intolerant of listening to others views at times but it is what it is and not sure it will ever change. It is no worse than say Pistonheads were I also post.

Not saying that's right or wrong but to an extent it's the nature of the beast.

I didn’t even see your post above

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By *inkysexpotMan over a year ago

leeds

Anxious about how my comments would be taken, wonder if what I contribute would be appreciated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was? "

Says the woman who is on what.. Thread three of random musings? Hush you

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here."

This is me, too.

I don't respond to anyone who has blocked me or vice versa. I don't always respond to someone obviously trying to provoke a row. I don't start threads now where I can predict the responses, based on the current make up of the forum posters.

When I first joined I was in a really bad place. The forum was hostile, I was ignored (I found my first thread a while ago) but it gave me something to re-ignited my conscience and consciousness. Then I saw a really supportive mental health thread and I started to play the games on the silly threads.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

After every break I return to see that I am ignored by most, responded to by those who know me and that, like Dickens, the names have changed but the characters remain the same. (Credit to a former forum user for the Dickens description.)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People can come across as intolerant of listening to others views at times but it is what it is and not sure it will ever change. It is no worse than say Pistonheads were I also post.

Not saying that's right or wrong but to an extent it's the nature of the beast.

I didn’t even see your post above

I agree with this, but I was posting for well over a month and got totally ignored. Then on a thread similar to this I commented and said how I felt. I got told by several forum regulers that I was new so It would take time for people to notice me, I was even told to change my posting style to fit in with everyone else. So from that I would suggest there are more a very few forum users that deliberately ignore new people. I put in a lot of effort in and commented regularly on a verity of threads and still got told to put more effort in.

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By *ot-AshMan over a year ago

London

You succeed Ash"

Thanks Ghengis...I do always try my best..

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was?

Says the woman who is on what.. Thread three of random musings? Hush you

That's me told...

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By *ot-AshMan over a year ago

London

Outstanding threads Ash and incredibly inclusive... Don't know how you keep up with it pal"

Cheers Loves...I sometimes wonder myself how i keep up with everything but it seems to work!..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ironic that some people are posting about the forums not being inclusive are the ones freezing people out.

New, single men get a raw deal especially.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Outstanding threads Ash and incredibly inclusive... Don't know how you keep up with it pal

Cheers Loves...I sometimes wonder myself how i keep up with everything but it seems to work!..

Because you have me double checking you haven't missed anyone and standing when you go for a sit down wee!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a mix, some can be welcoming, others not, obviously you're going to have folks in their own groups doing their thing but that's a thing with most forums in general, not just here.

It's like working up a ladder in a sense, we've all started out as newbies wanting to fit and eventually we land where we're most comfortable. We've learned to not take this section seriously most of the time, we don't fit in with some groups, only one or two others we know here that we do get on with but it won't stop us posting or calling out some bs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All positive for me thankfully

but I guess it does depend what your thread is about I try & keep it light now! but Cheers guys girls for taking the time to comment on my post’s xx

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

It's completely understandable to avoid anyone you have personal issues with, or vice versa, and not to rise to the bait of anyone intent on rabble rousing for the sake of it. That's simple self preservation which should obviously take priority over inclusivity

Mind you, there's an idea for a thread right there, providing you know your Dickens of course. Though you'd be taking your life in your hands identifying the forum versions of the likes of Uriah Heep, Wackford Squeers, Quilp et al

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In response to some of the posts about responding to every post; I remember when that was the case, if someone started a thread, it was expected that you 'farmed' it and responded in kind.

I'm not sure that that's necessary with every thread, some I try to, others not, dependant on the subject matter and my OP.

I must admit that I've kind of just left this one owing to a busy day at work (yes, I do work!), when I think this required more attention from me.

I do wonder if I'm welcoming enough of newbies, I think that I'm a bit of a mood poster and can be blunt at times.

When I first started on the forums 5/6 years ago, I received several 'kickings' for posting much the same as I do now, the reason being that I just wasn't familiar to the regulars. Things are better now but I think that new faces are the life blood of places like this. I don't want to have the same conversation with the same people over and over. Stagnation is a very real prospect I think unless we actively encourage others to join in.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was?

Says the woman who is on what.. Thread three of random musings? Hush you

That's me told...

I don't think of you as an outsider, just irregular. I guess I remember you from days of yore though.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times?

I read your other post and feel bad that I didn’t notice what you had done on the thread in question. As I think I participated quite actively on it and enjoyed myself

I also agree with you on the sarcastic posts that newbies get when a well trodden thread topic is posted. I really like your posts generally as they are always well thought through and insightful

I don't join those after an experience a few years ago on a similar face swap thread. I sent mine and received a rather rude message back. I'm not everyone's beverage of choice and, like Meli, can be filtered out by age, but will reciprocate and would never dream of telling someone that they are ugly.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

I sometimes have to stop myself naming them as such.

Not really, I just notice forum archetypes. They come and go. Sometimes I am able to spot a returner, perhaps reinventing themselves, because of their posting style.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

Your post resonates with so many other people’s experience and I think I felt the forum was more hostile when I started using it. I’m not sure for me it actually was, I just felt it more when I was new to it.

Like you I have seen the cast change but the characters remain the same. I guess there are only a dozen or so archetypal roles people can play in unstructured groups like a forum so that will always be the case.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope. Been posting on here for around 2 years pretty much daily on my single and joint profiles, done the socials but never quite made it to levels of being acknowledged.

No big deal, I'll keep plodding along doing my own thing. People like who they like, you can't change that and I don't have the time or inclination to try and make people like me

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

I think we also forget that we're not always consistent in how we post. Mood, weather, pain, a good thing happening can all affect how we respond to a subject at that particular time. The consistency comes with a body of posts, not a single instance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

What's my archetypal role?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In response to some of the posts about responding to every post; I remember when that was the case, if someone started a thread, it was expected that you 'farmed' it and responded in kind.

I'm not sure that that's necessary with every thread, some I try to, others not, dependant on the subject matter and my OP.

I must admit that I've kind of just left this one owing to a busy day at work (yes, I do work!), when I think this required more attention from me.

I do wonder if I'm welcoming enough of newbies, I think that I'm a bit of a mood poster and can be blunt at times.

This thread was a good one to just let run. Fresh meat is always welcome. Feed me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel about as welcome as a fart in a space suit

Or a bacon butty in a Synagogue.

Or a turd in a bath.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One thing that annoys me is when someone posts something and people comment “oh not this again” or “yawn”. How are new people supposed to know the same things are posted numerous times? "

Exactly this. That's how I was treated when I first started posting and it's really crap. I just think it shows them for what they are.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I have occasions when I seek out the thread with no responses just to give it a response. It might be sarky, it might be advice, it might be whatever my mood is, but the point is to help trigger other responses.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

What's my archetypal role?

"
You play a few- Warrior, Ruler, Sage, are some that I’ve seen. I haven’t been analysing that closely

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

What's my archetypal role?

You play a few- Warrior, Ruler, Sage, are some that I’ve seen. I haven’t been analysing that closely

Ruler? I hope you're reading Tea Monkey.. there can be only one

I'd put those same roles on you WitchyDoc

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was?

Says the woman who is on what.. Thread three of random musings? Hush you

That's me told...

I don't think of you as an outsider, just irregular. I guess I remember you from days of yore though. "

I remember you too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

What's my archetypal role?

You play a few- Warrior, Ruler, Sage, are some that I’ve seen. I haven’t been analysing that closely

Ruler? I hope you're reading Tea Monkey.. there can be only one

I'd put those same roles on you WitchyDoc"
I play a few others too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have occasions when I seek out the thread with no responses just to give it a response. It might be sarky, it might be advice, it might be whatever my mood is, but the point is to help trigger other responses.

I go through phases of that.. especially if the rest of forum has pissed me off a bit.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS over a year ago

Cheshire

My first post was just a 'Hi' and within my description I'd put in an innocent description of how I view myself. It turned into a lecture by a few on here.

Now I generally stay away from certain subjects because of it and two people who regularly contribute their 'wisdom or witty asides'

However on a positive note I have also a burgeoning respect for quite a few on here, who's opinions I may not always agree with but their arguments are always fair and balanced.

I contribute on the forums to be heard and hopefully helpful, I have discarded as many posts as I've posted but in general I find it fun and even educational. There are some really intelligent people on these forums and I bet you don't know it

Obviously some who do think they are but they're narcissists

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

I really do feel it’s what you make of it. Are you making a stand alone comment or are you replying to someone else’s point? Quite often it’s a closed remark therefore no further comment is needed. Conversations flow more if your comments are in relation to someone else’s. Mine generally aren’t.

We all get overlooked sometimes but that’s life. If is is deliberate then that’s not on but I’m not sure it does happen deliberately because that’s assuming that everyone in a thread is ignoring you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im equal opps random bollox chatter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im equal opps random bollox teabagger

"
FTFY

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By *uzzy NavelWoman over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

Sometimes I wonder if I type in invisible ink, but I think I’m hilarious and just want to share with others, that’s my take on the forums...

I do enjoy reading others posts though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I found it a bit daunting at first and even now many of my random contributions and threads get little if any response which is understandable.

One thing that is good however is the level of support given by quite a few forumites' on threads which are clearly prejudiced against Bi and Trans folk which I find refreshing.

I guess site always have regulars who communicate well with each other and that gives the appearance of excluding others which is probably not the case, they just know each other better. I'm not a regular contributor so never build up a rapport with others.

Another random contribution

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

People just need to join in. It’s fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My first post was just a 'Hi' and within my description I'd put in an innocent description of how I view myself. It turned into a lecture by a few on here.

Now I generally stay away from certain subjects because of it and two people who regularly contribute their 'wisdom or witty asides'

However on a positive note I have also a burgeoning respect for quite a few on here, who's opinions I may not always agree with but their arguments are always fair and balanced.

Obviously some who do think they are but they're narcissists

Narcissists’R’Us - oh Lord it’s hard to be humble.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When I posted a comment on the forums for the first time it didn't go down very well. I actually nearly left fab because of it. I grew some balls and carried on as per usual.

They can be fun and interesting sometimes so I still keep popping back

Hello stranger.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sometimes I wonder if I type in invisible ink, but I think I’m hilarious and just want to share with others, that’s my take on the forums...

I do enjoy reading others posts though

Whenever I see your posts I look to see if you have a picture of a _uzzy navel

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"People can come across as intolerant of listening to others views at times but it is what it is and not sure it will ever change. It is no worse than say Pistonheads were I also post.

Not saying that's right or wrong but to an extent it's the nature of the beast.

I didn’t even see your post above

And that comes back to my earlier post about it being a two-way thing - the regulars to be more inclusive and welcoming of newbies, and the newbies making the effort and accepting that it takes time to get established.

I think it can also be difficult sometimes, especially given the nature of the site, to find the measure of it and the right style of posting - many single men that start off in the forums get this wrong, they see "sex site" and post in a style that matches that perception, which is often crude and of the nudge, nudge, wink, wink variety - that then offends those who have a better appreciation of what is/isn't appropriate to post (which has a very fine line) and that's where any notion of inclusiveness goes out the window on occasion.

It really is a minefield - personally I've always just blathered on in my usual way, try to offer advice and reasoned opinion when it's called for, and generally adopt a take me or leave me attitude.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People just need to join in. It’s fun

Its not that easy. Im still sometimes told I need to get more involved and make more effort. Seriously what more do I have to do. You and many have been lovely but there are some long term forum posters who will not except anyone newer than a year. 90% of my posts get ingorned. Iv commented several times on many threads today alone. I think I'm either invisible or irrelevant.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it depends on the type of thread and who's around too.. I'm wary of posting threads as they can be turned into something they're not intended to be.

We all laugh and joke with friends on here but yes I do often cringe at sarcastic responses to people I've not seen before. "

If there's ever a subject (within forum rules) that you don't want to post in case of some backlash, just mail me and I'll post it. -Same offer for anyone else reading this.

I post whatever I find interesting that day. I read all replies but I feel weird replying to everyone so I can't do that.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

One other point - I think a thread often finds its direction and shape, not from the OP necessarily, but from the first 4 or 5 responses to it, and that can often depend on the posters of those first responses - I've seen perfectly reasonable OPs that because the first handful of responses have been negative has completely dictated the nature of any subsequent responses - not quite pack mentality, more suggestive behaviour based on how others have responded previously.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

You and Jim are fantastic at that Ash

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im equal opps random bollox teabagger

FTFY"
cheers

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

After 8 years on and off fab and being a frequent forum poster as a single and former couple perspective, i still feel like an outsider and my posts often get ignored by the more popular forum posters

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"After 8 years on and off fab and being a frequent forum poster as a single and former couple perspective, i still feel like an outsider and my posts often get ignored by the more popular forum posters

Who said that

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

Who said that

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"One other point - I think a thread often finds its direction and shape, not from the OP necessarily, but from the first 4 or 5 responses to it, and that can often depend on the posters of those first responses - I've seen perfectly reasonable OPs that because the first handful of responses have been negative has completely dictated the nature of any subsequent responses - not quite pack mentality, more suggestive behaviour based on how others have responded previously."

I was toying with starting a thread about it. Yes, if the first response is a dismissive or "funny" one then the other posters follow suit. It's almost like shutting down a thread - especially if the response is some will, some won't. That sort of thing is not inclusive and often it's beyond the Op's control.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who said that

"
walked into that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That is so true

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

That certainly happens. It’s almost as though people don’t want to go against what’s already been typed. I agree with you both

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"People just need to join in. It’s fun

I think we all feel that way at times though - I'm not sure it's deliberate most of the time that people don't respond and there can be any number of reasons they don't and most of them nothing to do with who posted a point - sometimes there is no response necessary because a post has said it all, sometimes a thread will have moved off on another tangent and the post has lost relevancy, sometimes the person who has a response to the post comes along later when the thread has lost momentum and decides there would be no point in responding now, and any number of other reasons.

I'm not advocating it (because it would have its obvious downsides) but I often think it would be interesting to have an FB style "like" button on posts and think it may surprise a few who think they're overlooked as to how many "likes" they got when they post (if it was done genuinely).

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

Ive also noticed that certain topics can be discussed by a popular forum members quite openly but others seem to get theirs shut down...i have a friend who received a permanent ban from fab for starting a post seeking support when feeling extremely low, yet have seen much worse posts not only kept open but had mods commenting on them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Only six years of serving time on here, on and off, but I do get what you mean. I have been modded off for bad behaviour in the past and upon reflection I do kind of agree that I should have been and hopefully I am learning to play more by the rules these days. The clique definitely exists, although people in it do come and go, and you can feel judged quite harshly by being “ignored” as it were but I dont think its deliberate, its just how it goes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tbagged

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I've been made to feel very welcome.

My advice, if you want to be inclusive, is to respond to nearly everyone who comments on your thread.

It’s exhausting that’s why I rarely have the energy to start threads, because that’s how I like to do it.

To answer the OP I am naturally inclusive however I know I exclude people both consciously and unconsciously on here.

This is me, too.

Inclusivity works best when the person seeking to be included joins in, honestly but not with utter disrespect for everyone else.

What's my archetypal role?

You play a few- Warrior, Ruler, Sage, are some that I’ve seen. I haven’t been analysing that closely

Ruler? I hope you're reading Tea Monkey.. there can be only one

I'd put those same roles on you WitchyDoc"

I think that was just when I wasn't logged on, you can be deputy...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You will keep changing your identity how is an old fool like me meant to keep up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People just need to join in. It’s fun

I very much agree with the Like button for posts. Or a Fab button.

I often agree with lots of people but can only reply to one because otherwise the thread would be full of me going "ooh yes I agree".

There's lots of people on this thread who think they are ignored but I like their posts.

I don't know who the heck people are if they change the profile pics. I do try and reply to different people but I usually don't know who they are.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But ... as is so often cited, people here use the site for their own ends and in their own way. It's therefore hardly surprising that being inclusive isn't at the forefront of everyone's mind

Ironically, this post has mostly been ignored. However, if a poster that’s been around as long as this lady feels the forums are no longer inclusive then there’s obviously a problem.

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

[Removed by poster at 03/05/19 13:46:22]

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

If you find yourself in the forums skimming through the plethora of topics posted on a daily basis I think you need to participate with an open mind. I remember as a newbie not knowing where to start of what to post.... for the main most people here are polite and friendly which I found an easy step into posting.

Even as a seasoned forumite I refrain from getting involved in those threads that you just know will turn into something far more controversial than the OP ever intended

I avoid the whingy/political/controversial/look at me threads...

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

Jesus h, sick of hearing that word now *clique* it's just a bunch of ppl who thing the sun shines out of their tooches.......and quite frankly it's really just a bunch of ppl who big up each others ego to gain popularity....that's the way of life they'll always be arses and the arse lickers.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If you find yourself in the forums skimming through the plethora of topics posted on a daily basis I think you need to participate with an open mind. I remember as a newbie not knowing where to start of what to post.... for the main most people here are polite and friendly which I found an easy step into posting.

Even as a seasoned forumite I refrain from getting involved in those threads that you just know will turn into something far more controversial than the OP ever intended

I avoid the whingy/political/controversial/look at me threads... "

Very wise

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jesus h, sick of hearing that word now *clique* it's just a bunch of ppl who thing the sun shines out of their tooches.......and quite frankly it's really just a bunch of ppl who big up each others ego to gain popularity....that's the way of life they'll always be arses and the arse lickers.....

Offers toosh

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Even as a seasoned forumite I refrain from getting involved in those threads that you just know will turn into something far more controversial than the OP ever intended

I avoid the whingy/political/controversial/look at me threads...

Very wise

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

God I love your toosh.......ooops flirting! Tut tut

Offers toosh

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I'm not advocating it (because it would have its obvious downsides) but I often think it would be interesting to have an FB style "like" button on posts and think it may surprise a few who think they're overlooked as to how many "likes" they got when they post (if it was done genuinely).

I very much agree with the Like button for posts. Or a Fab button.

I often agree with lots of people but can only reply to one because otherwise the thread would be full of me going "ooh yes I agree".

There's lots of people on this thread who think they are ignored but I like their posts.

I don't know who the heck people are if they change the profile pics. I do try and reply to different people but I usually don't know who they are."

In theory a like/Fab button for posts would be quite an eye opener for some I think, and totally agree about threadfuls of "I agree" or

- BUT in practice it would never work here as it would be used for the wrong reasons (to attract attention and garner favour) by a large number of users - which is why I said I wouldn't advocate it.

The only answer to the question of inclusivity lies with the behaviour and expectations of the people that use the forums themselves both by being inclusive and welcoming where they can and by accepting that, for the most part, just because a post hasn't been responded to, it's not personal but is just the way of internet forums and not just this one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I very much agree with the Like button for posts. Or a Fab button.

I often agree with lots of people but can only reply to one because otherwise the thread would be full of me going "ooh yes I agree".

There's lots of people on this thread who think they are ignored but I like their posts.

I don't know who the heck people are if they change the profile pics. I do try and reply to different people but I usually don't know who they are.

In theory a like/Fab button for posts would be quite an eye opener for some I think, and totally agree about threadfuls of "I agree" or

- BUT in practice it would never work here as it would be used for the wrong reasons (to attract attention and garner favour) by a large number of users - which is why I said I wouldn't advocate it.

I saw it work very well alongside tagging on another similar site with a clever way of editing quoted posts rather than the concatenated version we have here.

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By *icetouch83Man over a year ago

swansea

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was? "

You have always seemed nice to me

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I saw it work very well alongside tagging on another similar site with a clever way of editing quoted posts rather than the concatenated version we have here."

Sorry, arse licking post coming.

Ooh, concatenated! How hot is that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I saw it work very well alongside tagging on another similar site with a clever way of editing quoted posts rather than the concatenated version we have here.

Sorry, arse licking post coming.

Ooh, concatenated! How hot is that?

I know, I learned it off another poster whose arse I’d lick if I could remember his name

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was?

You have always seemed nice to me

She is and also hilariously funny at times

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

In theory a like/Fab button for posts would be quite an eye opener for some I think, and totally agree about threadfuls of "I agree" or

- BUT in practice it would never work here as it would be used for the wrong reasons (to attract attention and garner favour) by a large number of users - which is why I said I wouldn't advocate it.

I saw it work very well alongside tagging on another similar site with a clever way of editing quoted posts rather than the concatenated version we have here."

Interesting - how did they get round the (inevitable) issue of "generally perceived "hot" lady" posts and gets thousands of likes -vs- "54 year old Dad bod bloke" posts exactly the same thing and gets none? Which is why I don't see it could/would work

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s nerve wracking but now I can’t seem to stop

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love you

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By *ruebameMan over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

"It’s nerve wracking but now I can’t seem to stop

O hello are you a Newby

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

"I don't fit in here and I don't think I ever will. I don't mind.

I am not a great chatter, gossip and I don't do drama. I don't care who wants who or who has had who. I don't want to be involved in other people's issues and insecurities.

I tend to keep myself to myself.

Log on, post and go.

I can't remember what the question was?

You have always seemed nice to me

She is and also hilariously funny at times"

I try

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s nerve wracking but now I can’t seem to stop

O hello are you a Newby

That’s the other thread

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

I love you

you to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So, to sum up.

The forums aren’t always inclusive, however if we all tried a bit, they most certainly could be.

It’s not rocket science.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I don't think it's even as nefarious as that. I just think that it's people who shorthand responses to each other as they're familiar. To an outsider it looks and feels as though they're being overlooked and lost in the matey chat, so the concept persists.

In my time here I've seen most posters come and go, yet the mystical 'c' remain. Either it's a phalacy or faceless people manipulating a small forum for evil ends. I know which I believe...

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

"There are some very friendly folk on here who ....

Ironically, this post has mostly been ignored. However, if a poster that’s been around as long as this lady feels the forums are no longer inclusive then there’s obviously a problem. "

This was my previous post you're quoting (I've cut most of it so as not to clog up the thread) and to be absolutely fair, the three years or so I've been on the forum doesn't really give my opinion of it any more sway than anyone else's. My post was largely about my current impression but I'll admit I don't have the time to read every thread - or even the majority of them - so my opinion's somewhat biased and based only on a small part of the whole. Inevitably, forum users who use it a great deal more than I do, who participate in many more threads, who have made friends off the boards, who are more gregarious, quick witted and flirty than me etc might well have a very different view which is just as true and just as valid from their perspective.

Though I stand by wishing that when threads asking for advice/opinions/experiences (as opposed to the sillier kind) are started, their authors - in some cases - could make more of an effort to acknowledge people who've given up their time to respond - and who thereby, somewhat ironically, make *them* (the author) feel included! There are a number of posters who are great at this but trouble is that when you commit to replying you don't always know which type you're going to encounter. And unfortunately that does put people off, especially if your free time is limited.

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