If you were going to be an eccentric weirdo… what sort of eccentric weirdo would you be?
Would you be the woman with 120 cats with all the windows boarded up and just a cat flap which the postman has to push your letters through .
Would you be the guy who built a working replica of a GNR 3 cylinder locomotive engine in the living room.
Would you own a shopping trolley?
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I will be the woman who is outwardly respectable that no ones suspects arranges meets for filthy illicit pension book swapping..... trolley tokens in the dish and away we gooooooo.
Who left the nappy in the hall ?? |
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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago
warwickshire |
I'd be the weirdo who spends his time on an internet site, trying to arrange meets to have wild sex with other people (or not wild, whatever), when statistically, he'd be better off going into the street and asking random women for a BJ.
Hang on... |
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When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!
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"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!
"
Love that Poem. Jenny Joseph wasn't it ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be that old weirdo who races friends down the street naked in winter, swims in the sea naked, who has naked space-hopper races, who dances on bars and table-tops, leers at nice younger men .... oooer missus.
Shit ...... I am that village idiot!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll be one of these old fellas who appears on shows as a bodybuilder at eighty...and I can't wait to be honest, so long as I'm still getting action then! |
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"If we are talking hypertheticaly it would be something like anal hair man and collect hairs from unsuspecting ladies. I don't by the way.  "
What would you do with the hair once you had collected it?
Would you use it to stick on to your curtains and sofa?
Would you wash it first or leave it with a few bunny-bob-cling-ons? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I'll be one of these old fellas who appears on shows as a bodybuilder at eighty...and I can't wait to be honest, so long as I'm still getting action then!"
As long as you don't mind banging someone in her 90s, you will be.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would like to live in a volcano slowly stroking my cat (Mr Bigglesworth) and hold the world to ransom mahahhahaha
or
Maybe collect flora and funghi whilst dressed as a fluffy bunny with mixi |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be that old weirdo who races friends down the street naked in winter, swims in the sea naked, who has naked space-hopper races, who dances on bars and table-tops, leers at nice younger men .... oooer missus.
Shit ...... I am that village idiot! "
with a naked fetish lol |
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I think I’ll buy a convincing senior police officer’s uniform and stalk random motorists. I could chuck a packet of glucose powder wrapped in clingfilm into their car and threaten to have them arrested. I wouldn’t be forcing them to pleasure me, just blackmailing them…. before scooting away with the blue light flashing on my shopping trolley.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be that old weirdo who races friends down the street naked in winter, swims in the sea naked, who has naked space-hopper races, who dances on bars and table-tops, leers at nice younger men .... oooer missus.
Shit ...... I am that village idiot!
with a naked fetish lol "
Think Lady Godiva on a bad day.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll be one of these old fellas who appears on shows as a bodybuilder at eighty...and I can't wait to be honest, so long as I'm still getting action then!
As long as you don't mind banging someone in her 90s, you will be. "
I don't mind one iota, my sweet. Indeed bending you over your zimmer would be a pleasure... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh I'll be the crazy lady with the church hat, winter coat in the middle of summer riding the 185 from Victoria to Lewisham with my bible preaching to all the fornicators. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am the mad woman who goes camping in the middle of winter in a tent!
Another night with clear sky and sub-zero temperature.
The steak I took out from my thermoelectric cool box was not frozen when I took it out. However, it was frozen by the time I got round to cooking it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know about being the local nutter but I'm sure good at attracting them.
My first time away from home I got digs at house with a old couple (who I had grave doubts about, but my parents insisted I took them, because they were old), well the first thing I learned was their daughter, who was in an institution (not surprisingly), was called John, because they wanted a boy and wanted to call him John, so when they had a daughter they ignored that fact(very important in my opinion) and pressed on regardless.
But the woman apart from rattling on constantly, had a toy dog that she was convinced was real, fed it, bowls of water the lot. The husband never said a word, I was out of there within a month.
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But I'm working on it.
