FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Disclosure
Disclosure
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have a tendency to disclose a fair bit about how I’m feeling and my thoughts on here. I think I’m probably too open and express what’s going on for me too readily, not necessarily on the forum as much as in private messages. Although I am open in the forum too, when I’m not just playing the fool or offering my dubious wisdom 
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
Answer this in any way you prefer. It’s just something I’ve been musing about recently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just say what I feel at the time. Sometimes I hold back, sometimes it's both barrels. Different with different people and moods I'm in.
I don't think you've anything to worry about. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it doesnt put me off. But i only reveal what i want to reveal depending on my mood"
Yep I do too, but I sometimes wonder after I’ve messaged or posted. |
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"No it doesnt put me off. But i only reveal what i want to reveal depending on my mood
Yep I do too, but I sometimes wonder after I’ve messaged or posted. "
not at all. you know which posts of yours i dont like  Your posts are very interesting |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I enjoy your posts. If you are comfortable with your amount of disclosure, carry on regardless "
I’m not really bothered about what I post as I’m display less vulnerability when I post than I do when I message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very open. Friends have said that I'm a open book and very readable. I've realised something about myself and my thoughts and feelings lately and when discussing with friends their responses were oh you didn't know, it was pretty obvious to us 
I prefer people being open with me too especially if I have established a deep connection or friendship with them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it doesnt put me off. But i only reveal what i want to reveal depending on my mood
Yep I do too, but I sometimes wonder after I’ve messaged or posted. not at all. you know which posts of yours i dont like Your posts are very interesting"
Yep the self-deprecating ones
Sometimes I’m messing about with them sometimes I express what I’m actually feeling. It’s probably hard for people to know which is which |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?"
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on."
Good answer  |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
Good answer "
You turn me on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on."
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think its refreshing for a man to open up about their thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately I dont know many men that do. "
Yeah I’m a bit odd like that but not alone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think"
Maybe just test the waters a bit before full disclosure? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like and prefer when people are honest with me. I'm not good at picking up hints or subtleties so like it when someone straight talks with me x"
I do too. I don’t mind subtlety at all but open exchange is very refreshing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you're alright in the main buddy. Mostly it's best to be open but in this little hell hole you do find a few ppl who might exploit your open approach or mirror your mood or experiences for their own gain or gossip...
You can pick and choose, always be open with ppl you trust and love. With randomers from the Internet, be wise, give them a little but not all is my advice...
If all else fails, kill them with beautifulness  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think
Maybe just test the waters a bit before full disclosure?"
I usually do but there are degrees with different people. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think"
Rather than decide for the other person; why not listen to what may be happening for them - ask them if they’re okay or if they need anything. Not coping with someone’s word vomit isn’t necessarily a rejection of that person it may be an inability to cope with anyone right now and absolutely nothing to do with the person they’re not responding well to. Check in with them; don’t make it about you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think
Maybe just test the waters a bit before full disclosure?
I usually do but there are degrees with different people."
Yup! That's the joy of it all.. isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think
Rather than decide for the other person; why not listen to what may be happening for them - ask them if they’re okay or if they need anything. Not coping with someone’s word vomit isn’t necessarily a rejection of that person it may be an inability to cope with anyone right now and absolutely nothing to do with the person they’re not responding well to. Check in with them; don’t make it about you. "
*cock throb* |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble. "
We’ve never chatted in PM though. My wobbles are minor- this one being a good example. Having played the cool for the last 5 years and not wanting to meet anyone things were easy. It didn’t matter, now my mindset has changed and I’m out there again I’m feeling a bit like a toddler learning to walk  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble.
We’ve never chatted in PM though. My wobbles are minor- this one being a good example. Having played the cool for the last 5 years and not wanting to meet anyone things were easy. It didn’t matter, now my mindset has changed and I’m out there again I’m feeling a bit like a toddler learning to walk "
I don't think pm disclosure is a problem. If you're talking privately then sharing is bound to occur at some point. As I previously said, I'm similar to you so may not be qualified to give a balanced view. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
I don’t find it off-putting per se, in fact when I’m really into someone or they’re a close friend I really want to know their thoughts and feelings and feel honoured (or if I’m into them, turned on) when they share. But yes, occasionally if the dynamic is not balanced, for example if someone was into me and those particular feelings were not reciprocated by me or if perhaps I was simply dealing with too much myself (problems at work at home, feeling unwell/tired, or dealing with too many people offloading at once) it can be really offputting and almost repellent - this can be momentary though. How I feel about it really depends on how I feel about the person and myself at any given time.
I would tend to advise people to reflect on the detail, quantity, frequency, pace, content, rhythm and vibe of the conversation back and forth that is happening between two people - if it’s not fairly balanced between the two people then that’s an issue. If one is word vomiting feelings and the other is not; issue. If one is asking all the questions and the other is not; issue. If one is always messaging first; issue. If one is always propping the other one’s dramas up but never the other way around; issue. And so on.
That’s actually what got me thinking, and why I think disclose too much and probably too often
I’m going to keep my vomit more to myself I think
Rather than decide for the other person; why not listen to what may be happening for them - ask them if they’re okay or if they need anything. Not coping with someone’s word vomit isn’t necessarily a rejection of that person it may be an inability to cope with anyone right now and absolutely nothing to do with the person they’re not responding well to. Check in with them; don’t make it about you. "
I’m sorry it was an ill-considered attempt at an amusing response, to a very well expressed and helpful post. I will be reading this thread back later to ensure I’ve understood the really good stuff people have posted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to worry what people thought of me and my posts reflected that
At one point I also liked being part of the gang - it was nice to be liked
With added maturity and acceptance of me, my personality, my faults, my strengths, I don't really feel the same needs require fulfilment
So, I chip in when I want with what I want
There are things I don't talk about on here, I tend to try and work through them first. When they are put to bed and I have come to terms with them myself, that's when I'll bring them up in conversation
If I can try and help others through my own experience, I will
If I see someone being a tosspot, I don't mind saying so
By contrast, if others are treating a poster unfairly, I don't mind chipping in either
If I can sometimes see a cheap gag, I'll sometimes chip in
Mostly though, I just sit back and enjoy the parade from afar |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble.
We’ve never chatted in PM though. My wobbles are minor- this one being a good example. Having played the cool for the last 5 years and not wanting to meet anyone things were easy. It didn’t matter, now my mindset has changed and I’m out there again I’m feeling a bit like a toddler learning to walk
I don't think pm disclosure is a problem. If you're talking privately then sharing is bound to occur at some point. As I previously said, I'm similar to you so may not be qualified to give a balanced view. "
Appreciated |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I used to worry what people thought of me and my posts reflected that
At one point I also liked being part of the gang - it was nice to be liked
With added maturity and acceptance of me, my personality, my faults, my strengths, I don't really feel the same needs require fulfilment
So, I chip in when I want with what I want
There are things I don't talk about on here, I tend to try and work through them first. When they are put to bed and I have come to terms with them myself, that's when I'll bring them up in conversation
If I can try and help others through my own experience, I will
If I see someone being a tosspot, I don't mind saying so
By contrast, if others are treating a poster unfairly, I don't mind chipping in either
If I can sometimes see a cheap gag, I'll sometimes chip in
Mostly though, I just sit back and enjoy the parade from afar"
I enjoy seeing you do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In terms of yourself OP, I have the impression you are a good man that considers what he says and gives others the respect they deserve
No one can ask for more than that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In terms of yourself OP, I have the impression you are a good man that considers what he says and gives others the respect they deserve
No one can ask for more than that "
I endeavour to do that - thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble.
We’ve never chatted in PM though. My wobbles are minor- this one being a good example. Having played the cool for the last 5 years and not wanting to meet anyone things were easy. It didn’t matter, now my mindset has changed and I’m out there again I’m feeling a bit like a toddler learning to walk "
I'm sorry, but that makes me smile, you come across quietly and rightfully confident in so many other ways.
I think that you are over thinking things a lot my friend. I'm guilty of it as well. I'm in no rush to meet couples for any bisexual fun because of my own over thinking.
I think you've just got to try to trust the other person is sincere in what they're saying. Trust in yourself. Have very little expectations and enjoy the build up to the moment.
Maybe try to pick someone who understands your feelings and reservations, but is feeling a little more relaxed and confident about it all. Someone who can lead you back into it gently?
I know how hard that is, but there are people like that on here, I think there are one or two women on this thread who have the patience and emotional intelligence. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm very open. Friends have said that I'm a open book and very readable. I've realised something about myself and my thoughts and feelings lately and when discussing with friends their responses were oh you didn't know, it was pretty obvious to us
I prefer people being open with me too especially if I have established a deep connection or friendship with them. "
I disclose often in the hope that it would deepen a connection, this is when I’m more concerned about it.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble.
We’ve never chatted in PM though. My wobbles are minor- this one being a good example. Having played the cool for the last 5 years and not wanting to meet anyone things were easy. It didn’t matter, now my mindset has changed and I’m out there again I’m feeling a bit like a toddler learning to walk
I'm sorry, but that makes me smile, you come across quietly and rightfully confident in so many other ways.
I think that you are over thinking things a lot my friend. I'm guilty of it as well. I'm in no rush to meet couples for any bisexual fun because of my own over thinking.
I think you've just got to try to trust the other person is sincere in what they're saying. Trust in yourself. Have very little expectations and enjoy the build up to the moment.
Maybe try to pick someone who understands your feelings and reservations, but is feeling a little more relaxed and confident about it all. Someone who can lead you back into it gently?
I know how hard that is, but there are people like that on here, I think there are one or two women on this thread who have the patience and emotional intelligence."
Yes there are a few, some I am fortunate enough to be able to call friends. I am over thinking but I thought my over thinking maybe helpful to others too.
In many areas of my life I am quietly confident but sexual confidence is different |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above "
You are more measured than me and more grounded than I am in some areas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a tendency to disclose a fair bit about how I’m feeling and my thoughts on here. I think I’m probably too open and express what’s going on for me too readily, not necessarily on the forum as much as in private messages. Although I am open in the forum too, when I’m not just playing the fool or offering my dubious wisdom
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
Answer this in any way you prefer. It’s just something I’ve been musing about recently."
i know the feeling i cant keep my trap shut either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't think you overshare op, not that I've noticed anyway. I'm similar so perhaps I'm not the best judge!
There is a line between candid and honest, and emotionally needy and undignified. Occasionally I see someone post on here in order to gain validation in quite a self-destructive way. I think I was guilty of that a few years ago and hope I've learned that the only person who can validate me is myself. I feel bad for people when they're publicly having a wobble.
We’ve never chatted in PM though. My wobbles are minor- this one being a good example. Having played the cool for the last 5 years and not wanting to meet anyone things were easy. It didn’t matter, now my mindset has changed and I’m out there again I’m feeling a bit like a toddler learning to walk
I'm sorry, but that makes me smile, you come across quietly and rightfully confident in so many other ways.
I think that you are over thinking things a lot my friend. I'm guilty of it as well. I'm in no rush to meet couples for any bisexual fun because of my own over thinking.
I think you've just got to try to trust the other person is sincere in what they're saying. Trust in yourself. Have very little expectations and enjoy the build up to the moment.
Maybe try to pick someone who understands your feelings and reservations, but is feeling a little more relaxed and confident about it all. Someone who can lead you back into it gently?
I know how hard that is, but there are people like that on here, I think there are one or two women on this thread who have the patience and emotional intelligence.
Yes there are a few, some I am fortunate enough to be able to call friends. I am over thinking but I thought my over thinking maybe helpful to others too.
In many areas of my life I am quietly confident but sexual confidence is different "
It is. I think voicing your concerns is also helpful, to you and others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above
You are more measured than me and more grounded than I am in some areas "
More Earnest as well  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have a tendency to disclose a fair bit about how I’m feeling and my thoughts on here. I think I’m probably too open and express what’s going on for me too readily, not necessarily on the forum as much as in private messages. Although I am open in the forum too, when I’m not just playing the fool or offering my dubious wisdom
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
Answer this in any way you prefer. It’s just something I’ve been musing about recently.i know the feeling i cant keep my trap shut either"
You make me laugh so much though PMF your minimal filters are quite endearing most of the time |
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I think you have to do what is right for you... I would say as others have there should be a degree of being cautious as sadly people can take advantage sometimes. But if you are comfortable then that's ok... I did a thread this morning because I was feeling really "meh" I didn't say why or go into detail but offered hugs to others received them back and even though its only virtual it was lovely to be sent hugs online and did cheer me up.
I like your posts. Just be careful that's all... Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above
You are more measured than me and more grounded than I am in some areas
More Earnest as well "
Of course |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you have to do what is right for you... I would say as others have there should be a degree of being cautious as sadly people can take advantage sometimes. But if you are comfortable then that's ok... I did a thread this morning because I was feeling really "meh" I didn't say why or go into detail but offered hugs to others received them back and even though its only virtual it was lovely to be sent hugs online and did cheer me up.
I like your posts. Just be careful that's all... Xx"
I’m comfortable in my vulnerability. I posted on your hugs thread. My main concern is sometimes I think I can be a little too effusive. As I said earlier it’s more an issue in PM than on the forum for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a tendency to disclose a fair bit about how I’m feeling and my thoughts on here. I think I’m probably too open and express what’s going on for me too readily, not necessarily on the forum as much as in private messages. Although I am open in the forum too, when I’m not just playing the fool or offering my dubious wisdom
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
Answer this in any way you prefer. It’s just something I’ve been musing about recently.i know the feeling i cant keep my trap shut either
You make me laugh so much though PMF your minimal filters are quite endearing most of the time "
fiters peh who needs em |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
No, I don't find it off-putting when people express their feelings and thoughts openly - in fact it makes things a fuck ton easier for me to follow. I struggle with understanding neurotypical vagueness and wishy washy stuff - I like clear, concise things. It's exhausting and upsetting when you don't understand things and I'm trying to minimise the "what do you mean by that" questions I often default to. Sometimes if I have no headspace I won't pick up something immediately but on the whole I much prefer the clarity.
I tend to keep schtum unless I feel like I can trust the other person/I'm not intruding etc. I know that's down to my own past experiences etc but I do find it difficult to truly open up to people - if people are kept at a safe distance they can't hurt you. On the same hand, I have a few friends who probably wish I would shut the fuck up - their patience and good humour and awesomeness is helping me find my inner voice and not be so closed off to others on anything more than a superficial level. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have a tendency to disclose a fair bit about how I’m feeling and my thoughts on here. I think I’m probably too open and express what’s going on for me too readily, not necessarily on the forum as much as in private messages. Although I am open in the forum too, when I’m not just playing the fool or offering my dubious wisdom
Do you find it off-putting when people express their thoughts and feelings openly?
Do you prefer people to keep their cards close to their chest?
Do you prefer to keep schtumm and only reveal the minimum?
Answer this in any way you prefer. It’s just something I’ve been musing about recently.i know the feeling i cant keep my trap shut either
You make me laugh so much though PMF your minimal filters are quite endearing most of the time fiters peh who needs em "
|
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"I think you have to do what is right for you... I would say as others have there should be a degree of being cautious as sadly people can take advantage sometimes. But if you are comfortable then that's ok... I did a thread this morning because I was feeling really "meh" I didn't say why or go into detail but offered hugs to others received them back and even though its only virtual it was lovely to be sent hugs online and did cheer me up.
I like your posts. Just be careful that's all... Xx
I’m comfortable in my vulnerability. I posted on your hugs thread. My main concern is sometimes I think I can be a little too effusive. As I said earlier it’s more an issue in PM than on the forum for me."
Even in pm I'm sure you don't come across as over bearing at all. It's just that honesty thing, some people are OK and comfortable with it and others maybe not so much. Again it's all down to the reasons why people are here. You shouldn't have to change who you are.. So if you are open about things and the other person doesn't like it, try not to be too self critical its just not for them... And that's ok too xx |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above
You are more measured than me and more grounded than I am in some areas "
You may think so, but I actually think we're quite similar in a lot of ways, including wearing our hearts on our sleeves at times - perhaps self-perception -vs- the reality of how others perceive you comes into it too.
P.S. I'm going to run Genghis over with his own milk cart if he carries on, it being the fastest one in the West and all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally I prefer people to be open and honest. Unfortunately I’m not so much anymore as I’ve realised not everyone is as trustworthy as I am. Sad lesson learnt the hard way I’m afraid. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't find it off-putting when people express their feelings and thoughts openly - in fact it makes things a fuck ton easier for me to follow. I struggle with understanding neurotypical vagueness and wishy washy stuff - I like clear, concise things. It's exhausting and upsetting when you don't understand things and I'm trying to minimise the "what do you mean by that" questions I often default to. Sometimes if I have no headspace I won't pick up something immediately but on the whole I much prefer the clarity.
I tend to keep schtum unless I feel like I can trust the other person/I'm not intruding etc. I know that's down to my own past experiences etc but I do find it difficult to truly open up to people - if people are kept at a safe distance they can't hurt you. On the same hand, I have a few friends who probably wish I would shut the fuck up - their patience and good humour and awesomeness is helping me find my inner voice and not be so closed off to others on anything more than a superficial level."
That’s good to hear. I think relating to each other is much easier with balanced mutual disclosure. I do wonder about how effusive I am though as I’m not sure I time it well - I often communicate my stream of consciousness whether than is a creative impulse, expressing how I’m currently feeling or some of my deeper thoughts. I’m not bothered about my run of the mill chatty stuff, more the stuff blokes usually keep to themselves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above
You are more measured than me and more grounded than I am in some areas
You may think so, but I actually think we're quite similar in a lot of ways, including wearing our hearts on our sleeves at times - perhaps self-perception -vs- the reality of how others perceive you comes into it too.
P.S. I'm going to run Genghis over with his own milk cart if he carries on, it being the fastest one in the West and all "
Fastest one in the West Midlands. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Personally I prefer people to be open and honest. Unfortunately I’m not so much anymore as I’ve realised not everyone is as trustworthy as I am. Sad lesson learnt the hard way I’m afraid. "
Trust begets trust- with some people I intuit trustworthiness and I usually get it right. So I’m rarely shafted I’m more likely just to miss where they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No, I don't find it off-putting when people express their feelings and thoughts openly - in fact it makes things a fuck ton easier for me to follow. I struggle with understanding neurotypical vagueness and wishy washy stuff - I like clear, concise things. It's exhausting and upsetting when you don't understand things and I'm trying to minimise the "what do you mean by that" questions I often default to. Sometimes if I have no headspace I won't pick up something immediately but on the whole I much prefer the clarity.
I tend to keep schtum unless I feel like I can trust the other person/I'm not intruding etc. I know that's down to my own past experiences etc but I do find it difficult to truly open up to people - if people are kept at a safe distance they can't hurt you. On the same hand, I have a few friends who probably wish I would shut the fuck up - their patience and good humour and awesomeness is helping me find my inner voice and not be so closed off to others on anything more than a superficial level.
That’s good to hear. I think relating to each other is much easier with balanced mutual disclosure. I do wonder about how effusive I am though as I’m not sure I time it well - I often communicate my stream of consciousness whether than is a creative impulse, expressing how I’m currently feeling or some of my deeper thoughts. I’m not bothered about my run of the mill chatty stuff, more the stuff blokes usually keep to themselves "
I disclose a lot to someone i feel close to. It doesn't always work out the way I hope. Most locals seem to want the total opposite to what I need to relax enough to enjoy myself. If it doesn't work out because I'm too open.. you know what..? It was never going to work out was it? So I'd rather find out before than after.
That's the way I look at oversharing based rejection. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it very much depends who the person is and the location and indeed context of the openness, as well as what the subject matter is - someone I've never chatted to before I might not want to get an out of the blue message being completely open from - there is however a difference between that and maybe being open in the context of seeking advice via the forums for example.
If it's someone I have talked to regularly and got to know, and consider a friend then I'd be both honoured and flattered they felt able to be open with me, pretty much no matter the subject.
I'm generally a fairly open book myself but within the same degrees as above
You are more measured than me and more grounded than I am in some areas
You may think so, but I actually think we're quite similar in a lot of ways, including wearing our hearts on our sleeves at times - perhaps self-perception -vs- the reality of how others perceive you comes into it too.
P.S. I'm going to run Genghis over with his own milk cart if he carries on, it being the fastest one in the West and all "
Yep we are similar having only a day between our birthdays is not the only coincidental similarity. However you are more established out there in the meeting others world than I am.
I’ve been mucking about on the online scene for 20 years and have had 15 encounters in total. Almost half of them were purely social. I’m still doing doggy paddle here, despite having read a lot and watched a lot of videos of strong swimmers |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"That’s good to hear. I think relating to each other is much easier with balanced mutual disclosure. I do wonder about how effusive I am though as I’m not sure I time it well - I often communicate my stream of consciousness whether than is a creative impulse, expressing how I’m currently feeling or some of my deeper thoughts. I’m not bothered about my run of the mill chatty stuff, more the stuff blokes usually keep to themselves "
It is - I'm a bit crap at first with the whole mutual disclosure thing but meh, I'm slowly learning to change that. You don't need to time it. I think people should message others when they want to and when they have things they want to say. Storing stuff up is bloody difficult and by the time you get round to the *right* time it might not be worth while sharing it or you might forget or a myriad of things could have happened.
Streams of consciousness are best delivered at the time they are happening, especially if you are a man. I love a good ten minute ramble about nothing and everything from a man and feelings stuff.
I am waffling now though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"That’s good to hear. I think relating to each other is much easier with balanced mutual disclosure. I do wonder about how effusive I am though as I’m not sure I time it well - I often communicate my stream of consciousness whether than is a creative impulse, expressing how I’m currently feeling or some of my deeper thoughts. I’m not bothered about my run of the mill chatty stuff, more the stuff blokes usually keep to themselves
It is - I'm a bit crap at first with the whole mutual disclosure thing but meh, I'm slowly learning to change that. You don't need to time it. I think people should message others when they want to and when they have things they want to say. Storing stuff up is bloody difficult and by the time you get round to the *right* time it might not be worth while sharing it or you might forget or a myriad of things could have happened.
Streams of consciousness are best delivered at the time they are happening, especially if you are a man. I love a good ten minute ramble about nothing and everything from a man and feelings stuff.
I am waffling now though. "
I like your waffle. Your stream of consciousness is just fine by me |
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No I don't find it off-putting as long as it isn't very raw.
I prefer people to protect themselves on line from people who will see a vulnerability and exploit it. If they're aware that this can happen and prepared for it they can keep their cards as far away from their chest as they want
I prefer to reveal the minimum and often only post personal "stuff" if it might help illustrate that someone else had a similar thing happen and lived to tell the tale.
I'm not big on sharing emotionally with on line acquaintances. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I’m honest on here but i’m also quite guarded with regard to feelings etc. I don’t like talking about my feelings, things that have happened to me yes, but feelings? No. Makes me uncomfortable and i’m the same off here.
Therefore whilst i appreciate honesty and forthrightness in a person, if someone started sharing their feelings with me i tend to panic slightly and distance myself a bit as i feel uncomfortable.
This is no reflection on the other person, i’m aware it’s me who’s a bit, i dunno, emotionally cold I guess you’d call it?
I think Estella had it spot on. Give out feelers etc.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No I don't find it off-putting as long as it isn't very raw.
I prefer people to protect themselves on line from people who will see a vulnerability and exploit it. If they're aware that this can happen and prepared for it they can keep their cards as far away from their chest as they want
I prefer to reveal the minimum and often only post personal "stuff" if it might help illustrate that someone else had a similar thing happen and lived to tell the tale.
I'm not big on sharing emotionally with on line acquaintances. "
I think we all do what we feel is right for us. I’m pretty strong in my emotional vulnerability so it doesn’t bother me. This post is really aimed at helping me to learn a bit more and give that opportunity to others who may have related questions |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m honest on here but i’m also quite guarded with regard to feelings etc. I don’t like talking about my feelings, things that have happened to me yes, but feelings? No. Makes me uncomfortable and i’m the same off here.
Therefore whilst i appreciate honesty and forthrightness in a person, if someone started sharing their feelings with me i tend to panic slightly and distance myself a bit as i feel uncomfortable.
This is no reflection on the other person, i’m aware it’s me who’s a bit, i dunno, emotionally cold I guess you’d call it?
I think Estella had it spot on. Give out feelers etc.
"
That’s the thing I don’t want others who I really like to feel uncomfortable just because I’m comfortable expressing my feelings |
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"No I don't find it off-putting as long as it isn't very raw.
I prefer people to protect themselves on line from people who will see a vulnerability and exploit it. If they're aware that this can happen and prepared for it they can keep their cards as far away from their chest as they want
I prefer to reveal the minimum and often only post personal "stuff" if it might help illustrate that someone else had a similar thing happen and lived to tell the tale.
I'm not big on sharing emotionally with on line acquaintances.
I think we all do what we feel is right for us. I’m pretty strong in my emotional vulnerability so it doesn’t bother me. This post is really aimed at helping me to learn a bit more and give that opportunity to others who may have related questions "
ah I see. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you have to do what is right for you... I would say as others have there should be a degree of being cautious as sadly people can take advantage sometimes. But if you are comfortable then that's ok... I did a thread this morning because I was feeling really "meh" I didn't say why or go into detail but offered hugs to others received them back and even though its only virtual it was lovely to be sent hugs online and did cheer me up.
I like your posts. Just be careful that's all... Xx
I’m comfortable in my vulnerability. I posted on your hugs thread. My main concern is sometimes I think I can be a little too effusive. As I said earlier it’s more an issue in PM than on the forum for me.
Even in pm I'm sure you don't come across as over bearing at all. It's just that honesty thing, some people are OK and comfortable with it and others maybe not so much. Again it's all down to the reasons why people are here. You shouldn't have to change who you are.. So if you are open about things and the other person doesn't like it, try not to be too self critical its just not for them... And that's ok too xx"
I’m not particularly criticising myself I just don’t want to bugger things up with people I really like by saying too much too soon. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No I don't find it off-putting as long as it isn't very raw.
I prefer people to protect themselves on line from people who will see a vulnerability and exploit it. If they're aware that this can happen and prepared for it they can keep their cards as far away from their chest as they want
I prefer to reveal the minimum and often only post personal "stuff" if it might help illustrate that someone else had a similar thing happen and lived to tell the tale.
I'm not big on sharing emotionally with on line acquaintances.
I think we all do what we feel is right for us. I’m pretty strong in my emotional vulnerability so it doesn’t bother me. This post is really aimed at helping me to learn a bit more and give that opportunity to others who may have related questions
ah I see. "
And there are lots of pearls of wisdom already |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I disclose more over pm than I do over the forum. Ive worried about it a bit thinking it is too much, but think I can make a good judgement on people and when they share things back with you that builds on the mutual trust aspect.
I do very occassionally cringe at something more personal I may let through onto the forum, but invariably at the moment I delete everything at least once before I post.
I like to see people share deeper thoughts if they are comfortable to do so. Its pretty heartwarming I think. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" I disclose more over pm than I do over the forum. Ive worried about it a bit thinking it is too much, but think I can make a good judgement on people and when they share things back with you that builds on the mutual trust aspect.
I do very occassionally cringe at something more personal I may let through onto the forum, but invariably at the moment I delete everything at least once before I post.
I like to see people share deeper thoughts if they are comfortable to do so. Its pretty heartwarming I think. Xx "
I really enjoy your posts and have never seen anything I thought twice about. I agree about sharing deeper thoughts, it is one of those things that really makes others attractive to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I disclose more over pm than I do over the forum. Ive worried about it a bit thinking it is too much, but think I can make a good judgement on people and when they share things back with you that builds on the mutual trust aspect.
I do very occassionally cringe at something more personal I may let through onto the forum, but invariably at the moment I delete everything at least once before I post.
I like to see people share deeper thoughts if they are comfortable to do so. Its pretty heartwarming I think. Xx
I really enjoy your posts and have never seen anything I thought twice about. I agree about sharing deeper thoughts, it is one of those things that really makes others attractive to me."
Its lovely when you can start off slow and just tentatively drop a little something out to see how it is received, then when/if the other responds in kind, then it can become an avalanche of lovely no holds barred disclosing. Hasn't happened often but great when it does. A mutual unloading, not of the sexual kind |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" I disclose more over pm than I do over the forum. Ive worried about it a bit thinking it is too much, but think I can make a good judgement on people and when they share things back with you that builds on the mutual trust aspect.
I do very occassionally cringe at something more personal I may let through onto the forum, but invariably at the moment I delete everything at least once before I post.
I like to see people share deeper thoughts if they are comfortable to do so. Its pretty heartwarming I think. Xx
I really enjoy your posts and have never seen anything I thought twice about. I agree about sharing deeper thoughts, it is one of those things that really makes others attractive to me.
Its lovely when you can start off slow and just tentatively drop a little something out to see how it is received, then when/if the other responds in kind, then it can become an avalanche of lovely no holds barred disclosing. Hasn't happened often but great when it does. A mutual unloading, not of the sexual kind "
Yes they can be beautiful conversations I’ve had a number of those with friends on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely more open on pm, depends who it is with but it can feel quite enlightening xx
I like people to be open with me as it encourages me to be more open, but I can wear my heart on my sleeve lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't really talk as I'm an open book, the only thing that worries me a little about being open is there are the odd vulture who will take advantage.
In the main though I see people who are open as trustworthy. I don't know why I make that association but I do.
But, other than that I see those who share as teachers in a way. We can learn so much about ourselves and gain understanding in areas we may have never even thought about.
I think if more people were honest and open then people would realise that thing they've been worrying about is actually quite a common problem people have (whatever that thing may be)
There are some who will never reveal their true selves, as on the inside is ugliness, and although it's pants, there is no way of seeing into the souls of others, but.... sometimes you can feel them.
P |
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"I can't really talk as I'm an open book, the only thing that worries me a little about being open is there are the odd vulture who will take advantage.
In the main though I see people who are open as trustworthy. I don't know why I make that association but I do.
But, other than that I see those who share as teachers in a way. We can learn so much about ourselves and gain understanding in areas we may have never even thought about.
I think if more people were honest and open then people would realise that thing they've been worrying about is actually quite a common problem people have (whatever that thing may be)
There are some who will never reveal their true selves, as on the inside is ugliness, and although it's pants, there is no way of seeing into the souls of others, but.... sometimes you can feel them.
P"
Interesting thoughts. Neither of us would ever reveal our true selves on the net. Many reasons for that but mainly because we don't look for a close connection on here or elsewhere on the net. We don't give a false impression but we keep certain things back on the forum and in private messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can't really talk as I'm an open book, the only thing that worries me a little about being open is there are the odd vulture who will take advantage.
In the main though I see people who are open as trustworthy. I don't know why I make that association but I do.
But, other than that I see those who share as teachers in a way. We can learn so much about ourselves and gain understanding in areas we may have never even thought about.
I think if more people were honest and open then people would realise that thing they've been worrying about is actually quite a common problem people have (whatever that thing may be)
There are some who will never reveal their true selves, as on the inside is ugliness, and although it's pants, there is no way of seeing into the souls of others, but.... sometimes you can feel them.
P
Interesting thoughts. Neither of us would ever reveal our true selves on the net. Many reasons for that but mainly because we don't look for a close connection on here or elsewhere on the net. We don't give a false impression but we keep certain things back on the forum and in private messages."
I think you are always very clear and authentic about where you are coming from even if you don’t disclose personal things. That straight forward ness also begets trust. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can't really talk as I'm an open book, the only thing that worries me a little about being open is there are the odd vulture who will take advantage.
In the main though I see people who are open as trustworthy. I don't know why I make that association but I do.
But, other than that I see those who share as teachers in a way. We can learn so much about ourselves and gain understanding in areas we may have never even thought about.
I think if more people were honest and open then people would realise that thing they've been worrying about is actually quite a common problem people have (whatever that thing may be)
There are some who will never reveal their true selves, as on the inside is ugliness, and although it's pants, there is no way of seeing into the souls of others, but.... sometimes you can feel them.
P"
There is ugliness in all of us. I saw my own unowned ugliness reflected back to me in an exchange earlier in a negotiation that I blew because of some unresolved anger I had. It’s only by shedding light on that ugliness and spotting it in the mirror of our conversations and actions that we can transform it. I’m hoping that bit of ugliness won’t rear its head again now.
There are some people who it is very easy to have heart to heart conversations with and they become really true friends. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely more open on pm, depends who it is with but it can feel quite enlightening xx
I like people to be open with me as it encourages me to be more open, but I can wear my heart on my sleeve lol x"
There is no doubt that being open with each other encourages us and we relate better to each other when we do. I think as Estella commented above it about the balance of it and the mutuality. Also about being there for the other person rather than making things about you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't really talk as I'm an open book, the only thing that worries me a little about being open is there are the odd vulture who will take advantage.
In the main though I see people who are open as trustworthy. I don't know why I make that association but I do.
But, other than that I see those who share as teachers in a way. We can learn so much about ourselves and gain understanding in areas we may have never even thought about.
I think if more people were honest and open then people would realise that thing they've been worrying about is actually quite a common problem people have (whatever that thing may be)
There are some who will never reveal their true selves, as on the inside is ugliness, and although it's pants, there is no way of seeing into the souls of others, but.... sometimes you can feel them.
P
Interesting thoughts. Neither of us would ever reveal our true selves on the net. Many reasons for that but mainly because we don't look for a close connection on here or elsewhere on the net. We don't give a false impression but we keep certain things back on the forum and in private messages.
I think you are always very clear and authentic about where you are coming from even if you don’t disclose personal things. That straight forward ness also begets trust."
I agree completely, I've never felt anything but authenticity from you. You've spelled it out there though, you aren't looking for a connection and you're honest about it, so there it is right in front of you.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely more open on pm, depends who it is with but it can feel quite enlightening xx
I like people to be open with me as it encourages me to be more open, but I can wear my heart on my sleeve lol x
There is no doubt that being open with each other encourages us and we relate better to each other when we do. I think as Estella commented above it about the balance of it and the mutuality. Also about being there for the other person rather than making things about you"
Exactly xx  I love the really open conversations, some I have been fortunate to partake in of late have been so interesting and thought provoking i am loving it xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve always said I am an open book, ask me anything about me and I will always tell the truth.
I do hold back sometimes on here now as I have expressed myself on a few topics asking for advice (as I don’t really have anyone apart from Doughnut to talk to) and some of the replies have been to the point etc and makes me feel a bit shit about myself, it’s not the posters fault with their opinion, I just am not a strong enough person sometimes not to let it bother me, so something I keep quiet about now x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a tad more open on pm especially when I have gotten to know some one well "
I like your amiability yet reserved nature your depth comes through in the joy and authentic feeling in your posts Taff. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely more open on pm, depends who it is with but it can feel quite enlightening xx
I like people to be open with me as it encourages me to be more open, but I can wear my heart on my sleeve lol x
There is no doubt that being open with each other encourages us and we relate better to each other when we do. I think as Estella commented above it about the balance of it and the mutuality. Also about being there for the other person rather than making things about you
Exactly xx I love the really open conversations, some I have been fortunate to partake in of late have been so interesting and thought provoking i am loving it xx"
Me too. May we all have many more open, interesting and thought provoking conversations that we love |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mostly I type out stuff, realise it gives to much of my soul away, then delete it and post a silly one liner instead.
Though on occasion I have accidently hit send, if someone is suffering and I feel I can help, I would normally do that by PM not on the forum. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve always said I am an open book, ask me anything about me and I will always tell the truth.
I do hold back sometimes on here now as I have expressed myself on a few topics asking for advice (as I don’t really have anyone apart from Doughnut to talk to) and some of the replies have been to the point etc and makes me feel a bit shit about myself, it’s not the posters fault with their opinion, I just am not a strong enough person sometimes not to let it bother me, so something I keep quiet about now x"
I think some of the feedback on here leaves a lot to be desired in how helpful it is. My view is if it isn’t appreciative and motivational or developmental and constructive it is better left unsaid. I don’t always get that right myself so I have to remain aware of where any feedback I give is coming from. I say less that I used too as getting burnt isn’t pleasant. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mostly I type out stuff, realise it gives to much of my soul away, then delete it and post a silly one liner instead.
Though on occasion I have accidently hit send, if someone is suffering and I feel I can help, I would normally do that by PM not on the
forum."
Our souls are pretty resilient, it’s our humanity that’s more vulnerable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mostly I type out stuff, realise it gives to much of my soul away, then delete it and post a silly one liner instead.
Though on occasion I have accidently hit send, if someone is suffering and I feel I can help, I would normally do that by PM not on the
forum.
Our souls are pretty resilient, it’s our humanity that’s more vulnerable "
Don't have any of that, I am an alien |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mostly I type out stuff, realise it gives to much of my soul away, then delete it and post a silly one liner instead.
Though on occasion I have accidently hit send, if someone is suffering and I feel I can help, I would normally do that by PM not on the
forum.
Our souls are pretty resilient, it’s our humanity that’s more vulnerable
Don't have any of that, I am an alien"
Tell me your like Venom, he’s cool |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mostly I type out stuff, realise it gives to much of my soul away, then delete it and post a silly one liner instead.
Though on occasion I have accidently hit send, if someone is suffering and I feel I can help, I would normally do that by PM not on the
forum.
Our souls are pretty resilient, it’s our humanity that’s more vulnerable
Don't have any of that, I am an alien
Tell me your like Venom, he’s cool "
You’re  |
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"I can't really talk as I'm an open book, the only thing that worries me a little about being open is there are the odd vulture who will take advantage.
In the main though I see people who are open as trustworthy. I don't know why I make that association but I do.
But, other than that I see those who share as teachers in a way. We can learn so much about ourselves and gain understanding in areas we may have never even thought about.
I think if more people were honest and open then people would realise that thing they've been worrying about is actually quite a common problem people have (whatever that thing may be)
There are some who will never reveal their true selves, as on the inside is ugliness, and although it's pants, there is no way of seeing into the souls of others, but.... sometimes you can feel them.
P
Interesting thoughts. Neither of us would ever reveal our true selves on the net. Many reasons for that but mainly because we don't look for a close connection on here or elsewhere on the net. We don't give a false impression but we keep certain things back on the forum and in private messages.
I think you are always very clear and authentic about where you are coming from even if you don’t disclose personal things. That straight forward ness also begets trust.
I agree completely, I've never felt anything but authenticity from you. You've spelled it out there though, you aren't looking for a connection and you're honest about it, so there it is right in front of you.
P"
We're not closed to the idea of friendship, in fact we're very open to it. However we would build that friendship in person rather than on line.
It's very clear that good, personal, supportive relationships can be built on fab and elsewhere on line though. I'm not knocking it. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
It's very clear that good, personal, supportive relationships can be built on fab and elsewhere on line though. I'm not knocking it."
I think it's very much an individual thing and neither is right or wrong, but the internet *has* become an extension of reality for some people and I think it will continue to do so. I have all manner of friends, not only from this site, but others I frequent (more to do with bands I follow), some of whom I will probably never meet but who I consider just as close friends as my "real life" ones.
The nature of this place just means that those friends I have from here probably know a heck of a lot more about me and my inner workings than my real life ones ever will |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to be open, and I like when people are comfortable enough to be open with me.
However, I'm only open with people who've earned/deserve that privilege.
In a nutshell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm far more open in PM or face to face than I think I ever can be on here.
Somehow there is always a different dynamic talking one to one, or even face to face than on the forums. It's just more human I guess.
For me it has a more personal feel to those interactions, and its maybe sometimes easier to allow trust to grow in another that way, which makes talking about some things easier for me.
In my more unguarded moments I wonder if I do say too much about things I wouldn't normally post in a public arena, and have on occasion posted more, than looking back after I may be comfortable with, usually on the more intriguing or interesting threads, well interesting to me...
Yet on rare occasions there are a few others on fab who I have shared deeply personal things with, and they with me. Those "relationships" seem to have been either that flash of recognition of a kindred spirit, or ones that have grown over time.
I'm always conscious that words can hurt as well as bring pleasure, I often type stuff, and then delete rather than post it....
|
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"
It's very clear that good, personal, supportive relationships can be built on fab and elsewhere on line though. I'm not knocking it.
I think it's very much an individual thing and neither is right or wrong, but the internet *has* become an extension of reality for some people and I think it will continue to do so. I have all manner of friends, not only from this site, but others I frequent (more to do with bands I follow), some of whom I will probably never meet but who I consider just as close friends as my "real life" ones.
The nature of this place just means that those friends I have from here probably know a heck of a lot more about me and my inner workings than my real life ones ever will "
Yes, I've been a member of several on line forums, aimed mainly at women and seen very close friendships develop. I agree that the nature of fab means that it's easier to reveal a great deal about yourself than if you're discussing say,the best way to replace brakes on a vintage car. However I have also seen the consequences of the catfishing, falling out and manipulation that can occur but that's entirely possible in "real" life too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
It's very clear that good, personal, supportive relationships can be built on fab and elsewhere on line though. I'm not knocking it.
I think it's very much an individual thing and neither is right or wrong, but the internet *has* become an extension of reality for some people and I think it will continue to do so. I have all manner of friends, not only from this site, but others I frequent (more to do with bands I follow), some of whom I will probably never meet but who I consider just as close friends as my "real life" ones.
The nature of this place just means that those friends I have from here probably know a heck of a lot more about me and my inner workings than my real life ones ever will "
I think there are a few on here that are getting to know me better than I know myself |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I like to be open, and I like when people are comfortable enough to be open with me.
However, I'm only open with people who've earned/deserve that privilege.
In a nutshell "
I understand that. I get more open with some over a longer period of time than others. There are some I trust very quickly. Having said that I may have observed them for quite a while before we ever become friendly. In some cases it’s taken years to realise we could be good friends. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
It's very clear that good, personal, supportive relationships can be built on fab and elsewhere on line though. I'm not knocking it.
I think it's very much an individual thing and neither is right or wrong, but the internet *has* become an extension of reality for some people and I think it will continue to do so. I have all manner of friends, not only from this site, but others I frequent (more to do with bands I follow), some of whom I will probably never meet but who I consider just as close friends as my "real life" ones.
The nature of this place just means that those friends I have from here probably know a heck of a lot more about me and my inner workings than my real life ones ever will
Yes, I've been a member of several on line forums, aimed mainly at women and seen very close friendships develop. I agree that the nature of fab means that it's easier to reveal a great deal about yourself than if you're discussing say,the best way to replace brakes on a vintage car. However I have also seen the consequences of the catfishing, falling out and manipulation that can occur but that's entirely possible in "real" life too. "
Exactly that in a nutshell - which is why choosing who you open up to is the key, and that goes both for here and "real life" too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm far more open in PM or face to face than I think I ever can be on here.
Somehow there is always a different dynamic talking one to one, or even face to face than on the forums. It's just more human I guess.
For me it has a more personal feel to those interactions, and its maybe sometimes easier to allow trust to grow in another that way, which makes talking about some things easier for me.
In my more unguarded moments I wonder if I do say too much about things I wouldn't normally post in a public arena, and have on occasion posted more, than looking back after I may be comfortable with, usually on the more intriguing or interesting threads, well interesting to me...
Yet on rare occasions there are a few others on fab who I have shared deeply personal things with, and they with me. Those "relationships" seem to have been either that flash of recognition of a kindred spirit, or ones that have grown over time.
I'm always conscious that words can hurt as well as bring pleasure, I often type stuff, and then delete rather than post it....
"
I have noticed you pick your moments however I appreciate your insightful, deeper more personal posts as you venture outside you cave. I agree PM can create very intimate moments. I know that I’ve had conversations with close friends on here where we are both in tears sharing some of our deepest thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it is easier to do with the medium of messaging than it is face-to-face. I have had many a cathartic moment and spiritually uplifting moments messaging friends. I’m thankful that I know some truly beautiful people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doesn’t put me off if someone likes to disclose personal information & feelings. As long as they don’t mind that in general it won’t be reciprocated by me.
I do feel that on occasions tho some disclose rather too much on a public site but it’s their business not mine.
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