FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How to deal with the green eyed monster?
How to deal with the green eyed monster?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been chatting to a great girl for a few days, got on like a house on fire. Then she mentions she is going to a club this weekend on her own as i couldnt make it. Green eyed monster kicked in, help me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably the wrong site for green eyed monsters I’m afraid. They do exist here though unfortunately. Unless you agreed to be exclusive (which i always have as it suits me better) then not much you can do  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're the only one who can. I guess it depends how your jealousy manifests itself.
If you're jealous because you can't make it but are happy she is going to have fun anyway then that's fine.
If you're jealous of her meeting others then you maybe need to take some time to think if swinging is for you as a this situation is likely to arise again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
"
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me.... |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Been chatting to a great girl for a few days, got on like a house on fire. Then she mentions she is going to a club this weekend on her own as i couldnt make it. Green eyed monster kicked in, help me.
"
Help you not be jealous?
She's her own person and you have no 'claim' to her nor her body. She can do what she wants, when she wants, with who she wants, just as you can.
Ultimately it's just sex and it's meant to be fun.
After this weekend, she'll be back in touch, if that's what she wants. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You're the only one who can. I guess it depends how your jealousy manifests itself.
If you're jealous because you can't make it but are happy she is going to have fun anyway then that's fine.
If you're jealous of her meeting others then you maybe need to take some time to think if swinging is for you as a this situation is likely to arise again. "
Its more the thought of others enjoying her but if i was there it wouldnt be an issue.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me...."
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're the only one who can. I guess it depends how your jealousy manifests itself.
If you're jealous because you can't make it but are happy she is going to have fun anyway then that's fine.
If you're jealous of her meeting others then you maybe need to take some time to think if swinging is for you as a this situation is likely to arise again.
Its more the thought of others enjoying her but if i was there it wouldnt be an issue.
"
if u cannot handle the idea then the reality of seeing it could be a disaster |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous. "
I know, but it would put me off speaking to them all together if we hadn’t met. It would maybe be a bit more understandable if we had met before...I would still find it possessive either way. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"You're the only one who can. I guess it depends how your jealousy manifests itself.
If you're jealous because you can't make it but are happy she is going to have fun anyway then that's fine.
If you're jealous of her meeting others then you maybe need to take some time to think if swinging is for you as a this situation is likely to arise again.
Its more the thought of others enjoying her but if i was there it wouldnt be an issue.
"
Enjoying her?
Why is it OK if you're there?
It all sounds a bit 'controlly'. She's her own person, the only reason you would possibly be around her is because she wants it. Jealousy has no place in the equation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous. "
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation. "
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!"
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Jealousy is a natural emotion. We sometimes can't help it. You're feeling it so best not to ask her what she's doing on the swinging scene. You'll protect your emotions that way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation. "
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though."
good luck finding the answer mate just try to take your mind off it or try meet someone else as well maybe i dunno
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.good luck finding the answer mate just try to take your mind off it or try meet someone else as well maybe i dunno"
Thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment "
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though."
It’s fine. It’s how you feel. People don’t tend to be very understanding here sometimes. You’ve not been here that long. Maybe have a think what you really want and put that on your profile. Like I said you don’t have to be a swinger to be on here, contrary to a lot of beliefs here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.
It’s fine. It’s how you feel. People don’t tend to be very understanding here sometimes. You’ve not been here that long. Maybe have a think what you really want and put that on your profile. Like I said you don’t have to be a swinger to be on here, contrary to a lot of beliefs here. "
This is true im not |
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"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though."
OP jealousy is a normal human emotion don't beat yourself up about it, if you have connected with this lady then it's understandable....good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Jealousy is a natural emotion. We sometimes can't help it. You're feeling it so best not to ask her what she's doing on the swinging scene. You'll protect your emotions that way "
Thanks for the advice x |
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"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
"
you do know shes probably chatting to other guys as well |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
"
Maybe she's been chatting with others to? |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation. "
True, not everyone is a swinger. I'd say that from her demeanour though, that she is. I'm not saying that your approach is wrong but as you say; you wouldn't meet someone doing that.
Either he needs to deal with the situation as it is or not engage with people who are swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
Maybe she's been chatting with others to?"
Most probably x
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*"
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead "
not today im in a good mood  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.
It’s fine. It’s how you feel. People don’t tend to be very understanding here sometimes. You’ve not been here that long. Maybe have a think what you really want and put that on your profile. Like I said you don’t have to be a swinger to be on here, contrary to a lot of beliefs here. "
I'd suggest taking time to think about what you want and expect before taking this any further.
If you're looking for exclusivity then make that clear from the start otherwise you will face this situation again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
"
Maybe find out exactly what she’s looking for. Maybe you misinterpreted. To be fair we pretty much knew before we met that it would likely be an ongoing thing so it’s not that unusual. Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I thought you were in a relationship already?
Thats all ended x
"
Maybe you've just dived in a bit quick then without making sure you're both on the same page..it's easy to get carried away here before you clarify what you're both looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Fab and swinging are not good if you’re mental state is not great, it’s very fickle and can seriously kick your confidence and make you over think things. You’d be better looking for a fwb who’s not interested in anyone else. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood "
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
True, not everyone is a swinger. I'd say that from her demeanour though, that she is. I'm not saying that your approach is wrong but as you say; you wouldn't meet someone doing that.
Either he needs to deal with the situation as it is or not engage with people who are swinging. "
I’d agree. Especially if she’s going to a club, by which I assume he means swingers club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think. "
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think.
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy"
To some I am. To some I’m not. Such is life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It appears that you have placed her upon a pedestal, the creation of a false idol of sorts.
You must view the scenario as if you were to be badminton/gym partners, rather than the romantic sort. If you’re having these feelings now, from merely chatting; I can only imagine the absolute breakdown in which you shall suffer after meeting.
I’m not sure that this is the lifestyle for you. Happy fabbing with whatever you choose. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
Maybe find out exactly what she’s looking for. Maybe you misinterpreted. To be fair we pretty much knew before we met that it would likely be an ongoing thing so it’s not that unusual. Good luck "
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Fab and swinging are not good if you’re mental state is not great, it’s very fickle and can seriously kick your confidence and make you over think things. You’d be better looking for a fwb who’s not interested in anyone else. Xxx"
Thank you very much x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Been chatting to a great girl for a few days, got on like a house on fire. Then she mentions she is going to a club this weekend on her own as i couldnt make it. Green eyed monster kicked in, help me.
Help you not be jealous?
She's her own person and you have no 'claim' to her nor her body. She can do what she wants, when she wants, with who she wants, just as you can.
Ultimately it's just sex and it's meant to be fun.
After this weekend, she'll be back in touch, if that's what she wants. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Jealousy is completely normal natural occurance. It's how you manage that jealousy that counts.
For me I let myself have a jealous moment then digest it, remember he's not looking to replace me and then I can look ahead |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maybe she is going to meet with other ladies....
If you're really keen to meet her, then not being her 'next' is probably all it is.
Just have to accept that on a swingers site someone's always going to get there before you.
Maybe she is trying to find out if your cuck material?
Ah the games we play...
Just go with the flow and relax.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hey OP, make sure you're not confusing Jealousy with Envy, they're 2 different emotions and very easy to confuse.
You've clearly got a connection with her, just see how it pans out but take note that jealousy and swinging do not go hand in hand together very well
Good luck with your Fab journey |
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On line communication can give an illusion of intimacy which is at best superficial in its initial stages.
Don't invest anything in a relationship based on messages exchanged on a swinging site and don't build expectations on it. If you genuinely feel jealous and not just miffed I think you might be expecting too much of this lady.
Maybe figure out what you need but don't expect others to provide it when they hardly know you.
If you want exclusivity it might be an idea to reflect that in your profile btext. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think.
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy
To some I am. To some I’m not. Such is life. "
I find you joyful, Nora  |
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This is definitely not the place for a ‘Greeneyed Monster’ to manifest. Difficult I know when you connect so easily and it’s seems like a good match. You have to compartmentalise, enjoy the moment whilst you’re in the moment - be that messaging or in person. She clearly felt comfortable to go without you and I suspect if she knew what is going on with your emotions she may back off.
If you want to maintain communication with her I suggest you bite your tongue and take it on the chin... if she wants to share it with you she will...
I’m wondering if you will feel the same if you do meet. The cyber and the virtual are often very different people! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think.
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy
To some I am. To some I’m not. Such is life.
I find you joyful, Nora "
She’s lovely  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think.
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy
To some I am. To some I’m not. Such is life.
I find you joyful, Nora
She’s lovely "
As are you! We shall be known as the tremendous, joyful trio |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think.
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy
To some I am. To some I’m not. Such is life.
I find you joyful, Nora
She’s lovely
As are you! We shall be known as the tremendous, joyful trio "
Shall we make a profile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Message other girls and couples. For me I need equality, and I am guessing you are making yourself unequal by just going after this one lady. Do your own thing and feel better about the scenario.
P.s Just a guess, but knowing the site/lifestyle there's a good chance nothing will come from your conversations with this lady anyway.... more reason to keep looking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
He hasn’t even met her yet !!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know. I was responding to the “even if he had” comment
Yeah, I’m implying what would he be like if he had actually met her! *inserts eye rolling emoji here*
Ah I see. Sorry my mistake. Let’s all make him feel like a twat instead not today im in a good mood
I’m not. Been on here too much today i think.
Oh really, you’re usually such a joy
To some I am. To some I’m not. Such is life.
I find you joyful, Nora
She’s lovely
As are you! We shall be known as the tremendous, joyful trio
Shall we make a profile "
Ha!!!!! Debauchery would be afoot! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hey OP, make sure you're not confusing Jealousy with Envy, they're 2 different emotions and very easy to confuse.
You've clearly got a connection with her, just see how it pans out but take note that jealousy and swinging do not go hand in hand together very well
Good luck with your Fab journey "
Thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Message other girls and couples. For me I need equality, and I am guessing you are making yourself unequal by just going after this one lady. Do your own thing and feel better about the scenario.
P.s Just a guess, but knowing the site/lifestyle there's a good chance nothing will come from your conversations with this lady anyway.... more reason to keep looking "
Cheers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is definitely not the place for a ‘Greeneyed Monster’ to manifest. Difficult I know when you connect so easily and it’s seems like a good match. You have to compartmentalise, enjoy the moment whilst you’re in the moment - be that messaging or in person. She clearly felt comfortable to go without you and I suspect if she knew what is going on with your emotions she may back off.
If you want to maintain communication with her I suggest you bite your tongue and take it on the chin... if she wants to share it with you she will...
I’m wondering if you will feel the same if you do meet. The cyber and the virtual are often very different people! "
Thank you very much x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Jealousy is completely normal natural occurance. It's how you manage that jealousy that counts.
For me I let myself have a jealous moment then digest it, remember he's not looking to replace me and then I can look ahead "
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have been jealous of others you have chatted with?
No, i havent. Just this one.
What's different?"
Think it was more the fact of constant messages 24/7. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On line communication can give an illusion of intimacy which is at best superficial in its initial stages.
Don't invest anything in a relationship based on messages exchanged on a swinging site and don't build expectations on it. If you genuinely feel jealous and not just miffed I think you might be expecting too much of this lady.
Maybe figure out what you need but don't expect others to provide it when they hardly know you.
If you want exclusivity it might be an idea to reflect that in your profile btext."
Thanks x |
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Well if you feel a pang of dissapointment that your not there that's understandable. But jealousy is an ugly word especially when you have no foundation for it.
You've not met and only talking. I think you need to lighten up a bit. You'll find the journey here so much better for it.
|
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"You're the only one who can. I guess it depends how your jealousy manifests itself.
If you're jealous because you can't make it but are happy she is going to have fun anyway then that's fine.
If you're jealous of her meeting others then you maybe need to take some time to think if swinging is for you as a this situation is likely to arise again.
Its more the thought of others enjoying her but if i was there it wouldnt be an issue.
"
that's a recipe for disaster... as your not a couple and even if you were it would be not a good thing.
Are you actually jealous though or just envious.. as it's a big difference |
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That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"Been chatting to a great girl for a few days, got on like a house on fire. Then she mentions she is going to a club this weekend on her own as i couldnt make it. Green eyed monster kicked in, help me.
"
Jealousy doesn't go well with swinging.
If I were in her shoes, I would cease contact with you. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Well if you feel a pang of dissapointment that your not there that's understandable. But jealousy is an ugly word especially when you have no foundation for it.
You've not met and only talking. I think you need to lighten up a bit. You'll find the journey here so much better for it.
"
Yes I was thinking the same. It is what it is, you learn to accept how other people use fab and there's less disappointment when you do so it's better to sort that out sooner rather than later.
Or only chat to people on the same page as you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You're the only one who can. I guess it depends how your jealousy manifests itself.
If you're jealous because you can't make it but are happy she is going to have fun anyway then that's fine.
If you're jealous of her meeting others then you maybe need to take some time to think if swinging is for you as a this situation is likely to arise again.
Its more the thought of others enjoying her but if i was there it wouldnt be an issue.
that's a recipe for disaster... as your not a couple and even if you were it would be not a good thing.
Are you actually jealous though or just envious.. as it's a big difference "
I am sort of getting the feeling it was more envy, thanks. |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady"
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The point that you made about feeling different if you were there too makes me think it's more of a sense of feeling left out or left behind rather than being jealous.
I get that
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The point that you made about feeling different if you were there too makes me think it's more of a sense of feeling left out or left behind rather than being jealous.
I get that
P"
See! Envy!!!! It's different to jealousy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe take ur wedding ring off on ur public pics may help, hmm somet not right here!  "
Uh oh. Brace yourself for a whole new load of grief and judgements. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Maybe take ur wedding ring off on ur public pics may help, hmm somet not right here! "
Maybe realise its in a mirror and the ring is on my right hand doh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe take ur wedding ring off on ur public pics may help, hmm somet not right here!
Maybe realise its in a mirror and the ring is on my right hand doh."
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe take ur wedding ring off on ur public pics may help, hmm somet not right here!
Maybe realise its in a mirror and the ring is on my right hand doh."
. Haha I just thought that  |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice! "
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The point that you made about feeling different if you were there too makes me think it's more of a sense of feeling left out or left behind rather than being jealous.
I get that
P"
Thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team"
The booby prize.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team"
|
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team"
Does your team have a name? |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team
Does your team have a name? "
Don't worry about the name hunny, you can get on my team if you are qualified to be on the team , you can call it whatever you want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would take feeling jealous so soon as a massive signal to check in with myself a bit more. Its easy to get a bit tunnel vision with constant messaging and assume something more is happening. Step away, do something totally different. Realise she is probably messaging quite a few other people aswell as you even through your little love in.
It can be good to feel it in one way though as it makes things clearer in your mind what you may be looking for on here, just don't impose it on someone who doesn't want the same |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team"
Guess what! You’re not! We chose, you don’t |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team
Does your team have a name? "
Team Dickhead! |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team"
i fucking knew that was you that posted that comment
I read the thread backwards
Your comments stick out like a sore thumb |
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|
By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team
Does your team have a name?
Don't worry about the name hunny, you can get on my team if you are qualified to be on the team , you can call it whatever you want "
I'm never sure if your comments are jokey or not but I'm afraid you are actually serious |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I would take feeling jealous so soon as a massive signal to check in with myself a bit more. Its easy to get a bit tunnel vision with constant messaging and assume something more is happening. Step away, do something totally different. Realise she is probably messaging quite a few other people aswell as you even through your little love in.
It can be good to feel it in one way though as it makes things clearer in your mind what you may be looking for on here, just don't impose it on someone who doesn't want the same "
Thanks |
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"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
"
Ok,as soon as a guy displays jealousy I go off him fast. It's like my libido shrivels up and hides under a rock.
This place is all about no strings, consensual sex with many different people, if you're getting the monster popping up at that stage of interaction are you going to get angry in a club because you struck out or will you yell at the woman you were talking to because she's fucking another person?
IMO jealousy and fab do not mix well.
Also being jealous of someone indicates that you consider them to be a possession. You could maybe try to tackle the root of your problem? |
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"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though."
It can be difficult to manage anxiety in a place like fab and probably more so for men. If it's causing this reaction maybe it would be healthier to hide your profile for a bit OP? Take a break and do some self care and come back on when you're feeling better. It will still be here x |
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"That's how she wants you to feel so you can jump into something serious, but just do you, apply logic.
what is the point of being jealous, you will never be with anyone 24/7 infact , she could be banging another guy while texting you, I have been banging a girl while she was on the phone to her boyfriend,so come off it, if she is not getting on your team , you can keep her hanging but move to the next lady
Wow! That’s called callous Dickhead extraordinare advice!
Just a way of thinking, myself and guys who think like me believe we are the prize in this game and the ladies just love us , it's amazing, no need for jealousy on our team
Does your team have a name?
Team Dickhead! "
You know I actually take that as a compliment, thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.
It can be difficult to manage anxiety in a place like fab and probably more so for men. If it's causing this reaction maybe it would be healthier to hide your profile for a bit OP? Take a break and do some self care and come back on when you're feeling better. It will still be here x"
I have thought about it thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.
It can be difficult to manage anxiety in a place like fab and probably more so for men. If it's causing this reaction maybe it would be healthier to hide your profile for a bit OP? Take
a break and do some self care and come back on when you're feeling better. It will still be here x"
I completely agree with the comment above.
You definitely need to step back.
You need to work through your own personal issues for your own sake.
The jealousy part is not even the issue here. x
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Honestly we really are the prize in this game , we firmly believe this because it is true"
You carry on believing that. It's nice to live in Lala land.
B |
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I am not getting into it with the ladies, they know the truth, they know their entire desire is for a man, whoever that man might be,if they are straight.
Now to the subject matter , lets define Jealousy: The emotion related to fear that someone you have will be taken away by someone else.
Base on both truths ,I will have to have a very poor image of myself for any lady to make me feel like that, to feel Jealous am I saying she is the best I can do or am I saying I cannot get another lady 100 times better than her.
Even if she does not desire me at the moment , there is no need to feel Jealous, it then becomes my job to work on myself to become the one the ladies desire because I know their entire desire is for a man , might not be me at moment but it can be me in the future, it just means I have to work on myself.
Even if she never chooses me , that's ok too, I can get another lady better than her, this is how true players approach the game. |
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"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
Ok,as soon as a guy displays jealousy I go off him fast. It's like my libido shrivels up and hides under a rock.
This place is all about no strings, consensual sex with many different people, if you're getting the monster popping up at that stage of interaction are you going to get angry in a club because you struck out or will you yell at the woman you were talking to because she's fucking another person?
IMO jealousy and fab do not mix well.
Also being jealous of someone indicates that you consider them to be a possession. You could maybe try to tackle the root of your problem?"
I agree with this. My long term Fab FWBs all support the fact I’m sexually active with others.
When I started out on Fab, a guy I really liked said he had a meet. On the day of his meet, I felt upset and stressed all day. I wished it was me. I wished I was more special to him. I had a horrible day.
So, I took a look at myself and realised:
- he wasn’t “mine”
- his closeness to another woman didn’t reflect on my closeness to him.
- I had to believe in the uniqueness and specialness of our connection. Our connection wasn’t threatened because he had another connection.
- I knew I’d drive him away if I said I was jealous.
- I was jealous and threatened because I was lonely (which was my problem to solve, not his).
And gradually it got easier, by reminding myself of the rules and recognising that, when I feel vulnerable, it’s mine to solve, not theirs.
It doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. I have expectations and preferences. But I now feel ok wishing my FWBs luck when they spend time with someone else. They do the same for me. And the connections have grown stronger.
I hope you’re doing ok OP. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.
It can be difficult to manage anxiety in a place like fab and probably more so for men. If it's causing this reaction maybe it would be healthier to hide your profile for a bit OP? Take
a break and do some self care and come back on when you're feeling better. It will still be here x
I completely agree with the comment above.
You definitely need to step back.
You need to work through your own personal issues for your own sake.
The jealousy part is not even the issue here. x
"
Thank you x
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Morning OP.
Getting the 'Green eyed monster' is human, I'm sure its happened to all of us at some point and sometimes when we least expect it.
My advice is to learn from it and move on as it can be a very unattractive trait.
I think that youre likely to do that as you've recognised it and posted on here for advice and remember it may happen to you again, we are one of many.
Best of luck with it all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
Ok,as soon as a guy displays jealousy I go off him fast. It's like my libido shrivels up and hides under a rock.
This place is all about no strings, consensual sex with many different people, if you're getting the monster popping up at that stage of interaction are you going to get angry in a club because you struck out or will you yell at the woman you were talking to because she's fucking another person?
IMO jealousy and fab do not mix well.
Also being jealous of someone indicates that you consider them to be a possession. You could maybe try to tackle the root of your problem?
I agree with this. My long term Fab FWBs all support the fact I’m sexually active with others.
When I started out on Fab, a guy I really liked said he had a meet. On the day of his meet, I felt upset and stressed all day. I wished it was me. I wished I was more special to him. I had a horrible day.
So, I took a look at myself and realised:
- he wasn’t “mine”
- his closeness to another woman didn’t reflect on my closeness to him.
- I had to believe in the uniqueness and specialness of our connection. Our connection wasn’t threatened because he had another connection.
- I knew I’d drive him away if I said I was jealous.
- I was jealous and threatened because I was lonely (which was my problem to solve, not his).
And gradually it got easier, by reminding myself of the rules and recognising that, when I feel vulnerable, it’s mine to solve, not theirs.
It doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. I have expectations and preferences. But I now feel ok wishing my FWBs luck when they spend time with someone else. They do the same for me. And the connections have grown stronger.
I hope you’re doing ok OP. X"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though."
Maybe it isn't jealousy, possibly a little bit of anxiety that she will move on and you will be left without a meet?
It may be a case of managing your expectations. I know it's easy to let your imagination run away with you and put the cart before the horse.
Be yourself and own your feelings. She has every right to do what she wants. But if you are looking for an exclusive fwb I Would make sure you explain that to prospective fwb. That way you are on the same page and if you aren't looking for the same things, it doesn't go to far down the track.
Hope some of this helps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I remember getting the feeling once. It was probably envy rather than jealousy but I actually felt a bit queasy with it. I realised, like you what it was. Got clear in my own mind what the feeling was all about and then let it go. I haven’t experienced it since. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Morning OP.
Getting the 'Green eyed monster' is human, I'm sure its happened to all of us at some point and sometimes when we least expect it.
My advice is to learn from it and move on as it can be a very unattractive trait.
I think that youre likely to do that as you've recognised it and posted on here for advice and remember it may happen to you again, we are one of many.
Best of luck with it all."
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Im also not sure my mental state is in the right place at the minute as i suffer from bad anxiety and overthinking. So think this may have enhanced things. Not looking for excuses though.
Maybe it isn't jealousy, possibly a little bit of anxiety that she will move on and you will be left without a meet?
It may be a case of managing your expectations. I know it's easy to let your imagination run away with you and put the cart before the horse.
Be yourself and own your feelings. She has every right to do what she wants. But if you are looking for an exclusive fwb I Would make sure you explain that to prospective fwb. That way you are on the same page and if you aren't looking for the same things, it doesn't go to far down the track.
Hope some of this helps."
Thanks for the advice, i think some of it was the fear of her going to the club and meeting someone else then not wanting to meet me anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you’ve been chatting for weeks - then chat to her about it. She may be the one to help you adjust.
Im unable to contact her, thanks."
You mean she's blocked you ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
That would put me off someone, if they were jealous of things I was doing and not even have met me....
Even if he had, that still doesn't give a reason to be jealous.
Oh come on. Not everyone’s a swinger. I couldn’t do it which is why I’ve not met many and only ever meet one fwb at one time. I couldn’t be having sex with someone who’s doing it with someone else the next day. Not everyone’s the same. And before anyone says what am I doing here. I’ve found what I wanted twice and been very happy with the situation.
Thats the thinking i got, weve been chatting like its just us two non stop for a few days then next thing, oh im going to a club on my own, well cheers for that lol.
"
Shes on here to swing etc not date i assume
Are you reading too much into this |
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You gonna scare a lot of people off by saying that you're jealous fact you are jealous probably means you're on the wrong side as well this is not for me to say but you may need to do some real soul searching before the morning forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So OP, in between some of the more predictably nasty comments, there is actually some great advice on this thread.
I find it really annoying when people tell you what fab is all about...your Fab experience is as valid as anyone else. As a singleton I can categorically say I'm not a swinger. I'm here for fun, non judgemental casual sex and to tick off some of my bucketlist. But I'm not going to pretend it wouldn't be ace to meet someone where it developed into something more. That the dream! Therefore my use of Fab is very different from a happily married couple.
It's easy to say jealousy isn't part of the deal on here, but we are all human, we can't always help catching feelings. There have been a couple of guys on here that I've fallen for, I even had a 7 month relationship with someone I met on here. But I've found, like others have said, I was looking for something that was missing for me, they just represented what it was.
When we 'click' with someone it is easy to get carried away. And our ego doesn't like it when they could be having the same with someone else. Be kind to yourself. Maybe take a break if you think that would help. Try not to dwell. And I think your honesty on this post is hugely admirable. |
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"So OP, in between some of the more predictably nasty comments, there is actually some great advice on this thread.
I find it really annoying when people tell you what fab is all about...your Fab experience is as valid as anyone else. As a singleton I can categorically say I'm not a swinger. I'm here for fun, non judgemental casual sex and to tick off some of my bucketlist. But I'm not going to pretend it wouldn't be ace to meet someone where it developed into something more. That the dream! Therefore my use of Fab is very different from a happily married couple.
It's easy to say jealousy isn't part of the deal on here, but we are all human, we can't always help catching feelings. There have been a couple of guys on here that I've fallen for, I even had a 7 month relationship with someone I met on here. But I've found, like others have said, I was looking for something that was missing for me, they just represented what it was.
When we 'click' with someone it is easy to get carried away. And our ego doesn't like it when they could be having the same with someone else. Be kind to yourself. Maybe take a break if you think that would help. Try not to dwell. And I think your honesty on this post is hugely admirable. "
wish I had this eloquence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Could your feelings be due to the fact you have come out of a 15 year relationship with someone 2 weeks ago, and are finding it hard to adjust?i'm assuming that relationship is over.it must be difficult to go from having someone there to having to fend for yourself so to speak,so you could just be attaching yourself to someone,because change is hard.hope you can figure it out |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Have you ever met her?
This is the thing, i havent.
Ok,as soon as a guy displays jealousy I go off him fast. It's like my libido shrivels up and hides under a rock.
This place is all about no strings, consensual sex with many different people, if you're getting the monster popping up at that stage of interaction are you going to get angry in a club because you struck out or will you yell at the woman you were talking to because she's fucking another person?
IMO jealousy and fab do not mix well.
Also being jealous of someone indicates that you consider them to be a possession. You could maybe try to tackle the root of your problem?
I agree with this. My long term Fab FWBs all support the fact I’m sexually active with others.
When I started out on Fab, a guy I really liked said he had a meet. On the day of his meet, I felt upset and stressed all day. I wished it was me. I wished I was more special to him. I had a horrible day.
So, I took a look at myself and realised:
- he wasn’t “mine”
- his closeness to another woman didn’t reflect on my closeness to him.
- I had to believe in the uniqueness and specialness of our connection. Our connection wasn’t threatened because he had another connection.
- I knew I’d drive him away if I said I was jealous.
- I was jealous and threatened because I was lonely (which was my problem to solve, not his).
And gradually it got easier, by reminding myself of the rules and recognising that, when I feel vulnerable, it’s mine to solve, not theirs.
It doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. I have expectations and preferences. But I now feel ok wishing my FWBs luck when they spend time with someone else. They do the same for me. And the connections have grown stronger.
I hope you’re doing ok OP. X"
Very, very well put |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Could your feelings be due to the fact you have come out of a 15 year relationship with someone 2 weeks ago, and are finding it hard to adjust?i'm assuming that relationship is over.it must be difficult to go from having someone there to having to fend for yourself so to speak,so you could just be attaching yourself to someone,because change is hard.hope you can figure it out"
Is he single now. If so explains alot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Could your feelings be due to the fact you have come out of a 15 year relationship with someone 2 weeks ago, and are finding it hard to adjust?i'm assuming that relationship is over.it must be difficult to go from having someone there to having to fend for yourself so to speak,so you could just be attaching yourself to someone,because change is hard.hope you can figure it out
Is he single now. If so explains alot"
Well if he ain't, then between this thread and the other popular one,he has some serious thinking to do lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Could your feelings be due to the fact you have come out of a 15 year relationship with someone 2 weeks ago, and are finding it hard to adjust?i'm assuming that relationship is over.it must be difficult to go from having someone there to having to fend for yourself so to speak,so you could just be attaching yourself to someone,because change is hard.hope you can figure it out
Is he single now. If so explains alot
Well if he ain't, then between this thread and the other popular one,he has some serious thinking to do lol"
Agreed |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So OP, in between some of the more predictably nasty comments, there is actually some great advice on this thread.
I find it really annoying when people tell you what fab is all about...your Fab experience is as valid as anyone else. As a singleton I can categorically say I'm not a swinger. I'm here for fun, non judgemental casual sex and to tick off some of my bucketlist. But I'm not going to pretend it wouldn't be ace to meet someone where it developed into something more. That the dream! Therefore my use of Fab is very different from a happily married couple.
It's easy to say jealousy isn't part of the deal on here, but we are all human, we can't always help catching feelings. There have been a couple of guys on here that I've fallen for, I even had a 7 month relationship with someone I met on here. But I've found, like others have said, I was looking for something that was missing for me, they just represented what it was.
When we 'click' with someone it is easy to get carried away. And our ego doesn't like it when they could be having the same with someone else. Be kind to yourself. Maybe take a break if you think that would help. Try not to dwell. And I think your honesty on this post is hugely admirable. "
|
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Could your feelings be due to the fact you have come out of a 15 year relationship with someone 2 weeks ago, and are finding it hard to adjust?i'm assuming that relationship is over.it must be difficult to go from having someone there to having to fend for yourself so to speak,so you could just be attaching yourself to someone,because change is hard.hope you can figure it out
Is he single now. If so explains alot
Well if he ain't, then between this thread and the other popular one,he has some serious thinking to do lol"
I respect your opinion |
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By *ydnNancyCouple
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
Jealousy happens but I would put up some red flags around you OP to be completely honest.
I say this not to be judgmental but to help as the way you’ve come across in this forum and on this thread in particular have sparked some concerns to me.
Again, no offence or abuse intended, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on to maybe help you.
You were in a non sexual relationship and had concerns about you being here which has it seems now ended, your situation has since turned into you lusting and being jealous of someone here whom you’ve known a matter of days, never actually met and now you’re jealous of for being openly honest about their swinging choice of attending a club.
Am I wrong?
I’ll be blunt. You do sound a tad emotionally unstable and I mean that in the best way possible so would suggest you take a bit of a break maybe? Have a little wander around and think about what you want and who you are for a bit before jumping head first into your next conquest?
Nancy |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Jealousy happens but I would put up some red flags around you OP to be completely honest.
I say this not to be judgmental but to help as the way you’ve come across in this forum and on this thread in particular have sparked some concerns to me.
Again, no offence or abuse intended, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on to maybe help you.
You were in a non sexual relationship and had concerns about you being here which has it seems now ended, your situation has since turned into you lusting and being jealous of someone here whom you’ve known a matter of days, never actually met and now you’re jealous of for being openly honest about their swinging choice of attending a club.
Am I wrong?
I’ll be blunt. You do sound a tad emotionally unstable and I mean that in the best way possible so would suggest you take a bit of a break maybe? Have a little wander around and think about what you want and who you are for a bit before jumping head first into your next conquest?
Nancy"
If someone got this jealous of me after a chat and I had never met them, I'd definately be seeing red flags. In fact, I'd be inclined to cut all contact and block them. It comes across as them being very unstable and possibly even volatile. I definitely wouldn't meet them knowing how they felt. I'd have serious concerns about their mental state. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Don't know why some folk think that being a tad jealous makes a person emotionally unstable.On the flip side maybe folk who lack such human feelings are emotionally unstable also. |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
There's a big big big difference between catching feelings and sex. Yeah if youv e just started chatting and your anxious to meet you might feel a little down that the other person is off clubbing but just because someone goes clubbing doesn't mean there will be any sex. There might be none.... (I know shock in a club).
I guess it depends more on your feels and in what way you feel jealous really.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So, a little update on this post. Yes, i agree that my mindset has not been in the right place recently and after a trip to the docs although i have suffered with depression and anxiety, it could be another mental health issue. I dont mind speaking out about this as its all about breaking down barriers and the stigma regarding mental health. This does not make me, a freak, volatile etc and shouldnt cause any red flags either, its just someone with an illness like having a broken leg except its a broken mind. My only disappointment in all this other than being unwell is that i cant explain my situation to the person aforementioned and am unable to sincerely apoligise for maybe coming across a bit full on. Thank you for all your comments good and bad and be careful as you never know what the other person your speaking to or looking at is going through xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, a little update on this post. Yes, i agree that my mindset has not been in the right place recently and after a trip to the docs although i have suffered with depression and anxiety, it could be another mental health issue. I dont mind speaking out about this as its all about breaking down barriers and the stigma regarding mental health. This does not make me, a freak, volatile etc and shouldnt cause any red flags either, its just someone with an illness like having a broken leg except its a broken mind. My only disappointment in all this other than being unwell is that i cant explain my situation to the person aforementioned and am unable to sincerely apoligise for maybe coming across a bit full on. Thank you for all your comments good and bad and be careful as you never know what the other person your speaking to or looking at is going through xx"
as long as you learn from errors thats what counts |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I didn’t read all the comments but I may have a slightly different perspective.
There’s another emotion called “envy” and it’s not as destructive as jealousy. I am often envious of others’ fun. Wishing I could have been there, or wishing I’d been available that night for example. I friend recently told me about a great night he’d had at a club and I was definitely envious of the fun he’d had but I enjoyed his story immensely.
If that’s the case for you then I wouldn’t worry too much. Envying others’ fun is very ok.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I didn’t read all the comments but I may have a slightly different perspective.
There’s another emotion called “envy” and it’s not as destructive as jealousy. I am often envious of others’ fun. Wishing I could have been there, or wishing I’d been available that night for example. I friend recently told me about a great night he’d had at a club and I was definitely envious of the fun he’d had but I enjoyed his story immensely.
If that’s the case for you then I wouldn’t worry too much. Envying others’ fun is very ok.
V x "
That was definitely the case but i dont think it came across that way, as many of us know. Things arent always crystal with messages, its just a shame the friendship broke down because of it. Thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I didn’t read all the comments but I may have a slightly different perspective.
There’s another emotion called “envy” and it’s not as destructive as jealousy. I am often envious of others’ fun. Wishing I could have been there, or wishing I’d been available that night for example. I friend recently told me about a great night he’d had at a club and I was definitely envious of the fun he’d had but I enjoyed his story immensely.
If that’s the case for you then I wouldn’t worry too much. Envying others’ fun is very ok.
V x
That was definitely the case but i dont think it came across that way, as many of us know. Things arent always crystal with messages, its just a shame the friendship broke down because of it. Thanks x"
Don't be so hard on yourself.I find it a little disturbing that some people can admit to being devoid of certain natural human emotions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I didn’t read all the comments but I may have a slightly different perspective.
There’s another emotion called “envy” and it’s not as destructive as jealousy. I am often envious of others’ fun. Wishing I could have been there, or wishing I’d been available that night for example. I friend recently told me about a great night he’d had at a club and I was definitely envious of the fun he’d had but I enjoyed his story immensely.
If that’s the case for you then I wouldn’t worry too much. Envying others’ fun is very ok.
V x
That was definitely the case but i dont think it came across that way, as many of us know. Things arent always crystal with messages, its just a shame the friendship broke down because of it. Thanks x
Don't be so hard on yourself.I find it a little disturbing that some people can admit to being devoid of certain natural human emotions."
Thank you, thats a big problem in my life being over critical of myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, a little update on this post. Yes, i agree that my mindset has not been in the right place recently and after a trip to the docs although i have suffered with depression and anxiety, it could be another mental health issue. I dont mind speaking out about this as its all about breaking down barriers and the stigma regarding mental health. This does not make me, a freak, volatile etc and shouldnt cause any red flags either, its just someone with an illness like having a broken leg except its a broken mind. My only disappointment in all this other than being unwell is that i cant explain my situation to the person aforementioned and am unable to sincerely apoligise for maybe coming across a bit full on. Thank you for all your comments good and bad and be careful as you never know what the other person your speaking to or looking at is going through xx"
“Trying to explain depression to someone that’s never lived with it is like trying to explain the smell of the colour 9” |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So, a little update on this post. Yes, i agree that my mindset has not been in the right place recently and after a trip to the docs although i have suffered with depression and anxiety, it could be another mental health issue. I dont mind speaking out about this as its all about breaking down barriers and the stigma regarding mental health. This does not make me, a freak, volatile etc and shouldnt cause any red flags either, its just someone with an illness like having a broken leg except its a broken mind. My only disappointment in all this other than being unwell is that i cant explain my situation to the person aforementioned and am unable to sincerely apoligise for maybe coming across a bit full on. Thank you for all your comments good and bad and be careful as you never know what the other person your speaking to or looking at is going through xx
“Trying to explain depression to someone that’s never lived with it is like trying to explain the smell of the colour 9”"
Exactly but it needs to be out in the open x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, a little update on this post. Yes, i agree that my mindset has not been in the right place recently and after a trip to the docs although i have suffered with depression and anxiety, it could be another mental health issue. I dont mind speaking out about this as its all about breaking down barriers and the stigma regarding mental health. This does not make me, a freak, volatile etc and shouldnt cause any red flags either, its just someone with an illness like having a broken leg except its a broken mind. My only disappointment in all this other than being unwell is that i cant explain my situation to the person aforementioned and am unable to sincerely apoligise for maybe coming across a bit full on. Thank you for all your comments good and bad and be careful as you never know what the other person your speaking to or looking at is going through xx
“Trying to explain depression to someone that’s never lived with it is like trying to explain the smell of the colour 9”"
. Perfect analogy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, a little update on this post. Yes, i agree that my mindset has not been in the right place recently and after a trip to the docs although i have suffered with depression and anxiety, it could be another mental health issue. I dont mind speaking out about this as its all about breaking down barriers and the stigma regarding mental health. This does not make me, a freak, volatile etc and shouldnt cause any red flags either, its just someone with an illness like having a broken leg except its a broken mind. My only disappointment in all this other than being unwell is that i cant explain my situation to the person aforementioned and am unable to sincerely apoligise for maybe coming across a bit full on. Thank you for all your comments good and bad and be careful as you never know what the other person your speaking to or looking at is going through xx"
Hope the docs are helping. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't be too hard on yourself. Having feelings/emotions is a real positive, especially in the real world - where it counts.
Don't listen to some of the lunatics on here, you have done nothing wrong. So what if you really liked someone!!! So what? How anybody linked that to being 'volatile' is ridiculous. Your responses have shown you are a decent guy- nothing else.
With regards to anxiety and depression, you need to look after yourself. You will get there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't be too hard on yourself. Having feelings/emotions is a real positive, especially in the real world - where it counts.
Don't listen to some of the lunatics on here, you have done nothing wrong. So what if you really liked someone!!! So what? How anybody linked that to being 'volatile' is ridiculous. Your responses have shown you are a decent guy- nothing else.
With regards to anxiety and depression, you need to look after yourself. You will get there "
Thanks. |
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