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Funniest lines from films,tv,books.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Del: 40......... 40, you're not being serious are ya.
Rodney: What's wrong with going out with a women of 40.
Del: Nothing, nothing at all if you happen to be 50! blimey she's even too old for me.
Grandad: Well, I'd have to think twice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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(It Ain't Half Hot Mum.)
Lofty "I got captured by tribesmen".
Bombardier Solomon." Blimey did they give you a hard time"?
Lofty" No they gave me a carpet"! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place and some said even the trees had been a bad move and that no one should even have left the oceans!
hitchhiker's guide |
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It’s got to be
“Hey you guys “
Sloth is the man
Or the love scene in empire strikes back!
When Leah tell Han “I love you “ and he replied “I know “
Could have been worse rumours was he was to say he was flattered!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Family Guy.
Peter Griffin "I'll handle it Louis, I read a book about this sort of thing once".
Brian Griffin:
" are you sure it was a book- are you sure it wasn't nothing"! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The Simpsons fairground worker to Homer
" You're banned from this fairground, and your children, and your children's children and your children's children's children -for 2 weeks! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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hitchhiker's guide,
Arthur
"I really wished I listened to what my mother told me when I was younger".
" why what did she tell you?"
"I don't know I didn't listen" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Family Guy Peter Griffin
"hey you know that old woman who lived in a shoe she had so many children she didn't know what to do..
I got something she could do - get your tubes tied |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bethany:what's he like?
Metatron:what god?lonely,but funny.He's got a great sense of homour.Take sex for example.There's nothing funnier than the faces you people make mid coitous.
Bethany:sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron:The way i understand it,it's mostly a joke down here too.
Dogma |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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a common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
hitchhiker's guide |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Futurama bender at The Emporium at the end of the universe."How much are those priceless jewels ?"
Sorry we couldn't possibly sell those they are way too expensive".
*Bender looks sad then cheers up and says
"OK how much are those burglars tools and what time do you close" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It is a well-known fact that those people who want most to rule people are ipso facto those least
suited to do it.
To summarise the summary, anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do it.
Hitchhiker's guide |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Family Guy.
Lois."sweetie it's broccoli it's good for you
now open up for the aeroplane".
Stewie." Never, damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Harold:"
I'm afraid our paths have now grown too diverse for any possibility of a reconciliacion and not to put too fine a point on it dad, your very presence tends to impinge upon my aesthetic moments ,my little bit of relaxation".
Albert:
"In other words I get on your tits"!
Steptoe and Son. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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some people can read war and peace and come away thinking it is a simple adventure story,
others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the Universe .
Lex Luthor |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Fawlty Towers
Basil:
"Is something wrong?"
German guest:
"will you please stop talking about the war".
Bazil:
" ME, you started it"
German guest:"
we did not"
Basil:
"yes you did you invaded Poland" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Red Dwarf
Kryton:" the poor sucker must have written it using a combination of his own blood and even his own intestines.
Rimmer :"but who would do that."
Lister: " someone who badly needed a pen". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Dinnerladies.
Dolly:
"didn't they teach you anything at school?"
Twinkle:"how to put a condom on a cucumber".
Dolly:" honestly what's the point in that?"
Bren
"be fair Dolly, there's not many cucumbers that could manage it for themselves |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Carry on follow that camel
Simpson;" you mean all these ladies are the shakes wives?"
Sergeant knocker:
"yes what's so terrible about that ?"
Simpson:" Think ..all those mother-in-law's |
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Blazing Saddles.
The Waco Kid to Bart, after the old woman insults him.
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny?" "Make yourself at home?" "Marry my daughter?"
You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers.
These are people of the land.
The common clay of the New West.
You know...
morons. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog, he picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
The shop assistant says "Can I help you sir "?
"No thanks", says the blind bloke- "just looking!"
Tommy Cooper show |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Manchester great, it's like a Lowry painting brought to life except everyone's put on 10 stone" .
Coronation Street.
Bethany Platts verdict on her new home to Gail Rodwell |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Mind your language.
Police sergeant;" what is your name?"
Juan ;"por favour"
police sergeant;" How do you spell that?
Jeremy Brown: "that's not his name"
Police sergeant;"Oh, giving me a false name are we!"
Juan;"por favor" Police Sgt;
" I'll come back to you Mr Por favor or whatever your name is" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Mind your language.
Jeremy;"Now carry on Taro but do try to get out of the habit of ending every other word with an O."
Taro:"I try". Jeremy:"good" Taro;"I went first to see the buffal." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Family Guy.
Stewie" I thought we were going to get a scoop of $10 ice cream like all the millennials who can afford $10 scoops of ice-cream -but can't afford to move out of their parents house |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Fast Show.
Swiss Toni
"Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman unzip the door put up your pole and slip into the old bag"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Absolutely Fabulous.
Eddie :"where's my thing you know my thing my vibrating thing?"
Patsy:" Right by your bedside drawer darling".
Eddie;" Not that ,not that my beeper my beeper!"
Patsy:"Oh,(fishes under her skirt) here". ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Victoria Wood as seen on TV.
(on not doing PE lessons).
One girl never went swimming, she always had her period.In the end they sent someone round from the Guinness Book of Records |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Blackadder.
Blackadder:
"Criminal record?"
Baldrick:"Absolutely not".
Blackadder :"Oh come on Baldrick your going to be an MP for Gods sake, I'll just put fraud and sexual deviance" !
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The Young Ones.
Vyvyan;" look here comes the postman"
:"Mike why do you keep telling us what is about to happen next" Vyvyan:" because it's a studio set Michael and they can't afford any longshots" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My days of not taking you seriously are definitely coming to a middle! -Firefly
I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you."
Your mouth is talking, might wanna look to that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My days of not taking you seriously are definitely coming to a middle! -Firefly
I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.
Your mouth is talking, might wanna look to that "
Plus I could kill you with my brain.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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University Challenge.
Paxman "What is another name for cherry pickers and cheesemongers"?
Contestant: "homosexuals".
Paxman: "No their regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The Weakest Link.
Anne:"in the Lords prayer what word beginning with an H meaning blessed comes before 'be thy name' "
Contestantquietly)" Howard".
Anne.:"Pardon"
Contestant (louder) "HOWARD"! |
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On that particular Thursday there was something moving through the ionosphere, huge yellow slab like things that hung in the air exactly the way that bricks don't.
Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The X Files.
Dwarf character:
"you'd be quite surprised that some women find me strangely alluring".
Mulder:
"And you'd be quite surprised some men would too"! |
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