It's struck me today just how tough some aspects of a clandestine lifestyle like swinging can be. My friends and I lost one of our own very recently, and having to hide grief from family and vanilla friends is something I had never anticipated. We are providing each other with support through texts and calls, but are scattered around the country and can't even give each other a comforting hug. Life has to go on as normal. |
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"Don't bottle grief up.
Share it, to help ease it.
Others don't need to know where or how you met someone to help with your grief."
Yeah, that's fine till someone asks in passing where you know this person from and suddenly catches you off guard with a question you're not expecting and you're not in the right frame of mind to think on your feet. Also, lying to someone who's going out of their way to help and comfort you isn't likely to make you feel any better.
Terribly sorry for your loss Hun.
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"Why do you have to hide your grief? If you lost a friend that's all they need to know. X"
I live in one of those small rural communities where everyone knows everyone, and families know all your friends (or at least think they do). I couldn't even begin to explain how I know this person and why I'm so upset. Other single friends are struggling the same kind of difficulties. I suppose I just wondered if others had experienced this and how they coped. |
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"I'm sorry to read that Play, it must be really tough. x"
Thanks Meli X. I know it will pass, just wish we weren't all so scattered and could give each other some real comfort. Words have their limitations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you have to hide your grief? If you lost a friend that's all they need to know. X
I live in one of those small rural communities where everyone knows everyone, and families know all your friends (or at least think they do). I couldn't even begin to explain how I know this person and why I'm so upset. Other single friends are struggling the same kind of difficulties. I suppose I just wondered if others had experienced this and how they coped. "
"We met on the internet years ago. A chat forum." Diets, gyms, mums, hobbies, money saving expert, many different sites have forums. Talking online, people become close friends. If they start asking too much I'd just change the subject as they're not really my friend if they're more bothered about being nosey at a time that I'm devastated.
Hugs xx |
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Oh gosh honey, that’s so very tough - sorry for your loss 
Like others have said, at least you have mutual friends you can talk to, but it’s incredibly hard trying to hide how sad you’re feeling from those who know you well.
My close friends know this side of my life but other friends and my family don’t. Some know I have a super special man in my life who I met on here but we can’t always see each other when we want to, which can be frustrating at times. It’s not the same as grief - but when I’m finding life tough, going on a walk in the fresh air/countryside/on the beach, going to yoga or for a swim really helps. You can let it out/release your emotions through exercise and it helps to ground you again.
Sending virtual hugs xx |
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This is something that touched me in recent months and did strike me that I was lucky to find out that something had happened. As you say a lot of people in the scene do operate as a complete secret.
Lots of love op. We grieve because we care. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. |
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