Charm for me is synonymous with flirting and flirting should imo always go into the line of being a little bit cheeky and dare i say mean(in a light hearted manner) between two or more peole.. Blowing smoke up someones openings is just smarm to me, but then i would never make a good salesman tbf  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm  "
This is true. Part of it is how you respond to the particular person. Part of it is how sincere you judge the person to be and if it's "pitched right" - too pretentious and flashy and almost an air of pretension and you'd probably say smarmy. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm
This is true. Part of it is how you respond to the particular person. Part of it is how sincere you judge the person to be and if it's "pitched right" - too pretentious and flashy and almost an air of pretension and you'd probably say smarmy. "
Can you learn to "pitch" or does the sincerity trump everything?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Charm is when you find your loins melting a little. Smarm is when you find words cringy and you see them as slimy.
"
Wanted or unwanted, connected or divided..... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"If you like their person, it’s charm, if not it’s smarm
This is true. Part of it is how you respond to the particular person. Part of it is how sincere you judge the person to be and if it's "pitched right" - too pretentious and flashy and almost an air of pretension and you'd probably say smarmy.
Can you learn to "pitch" or does the sincerity trump everything?
"
I think sometimes people can learn to imitate sincerity. Very, very well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Smarm is misjudged, overdone charm. True charm has subtlety "
But you can overdo charm with the right audience and its still not taken as smarm. Its all dependent on whether the person wants to flirt or not.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. |
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By *o_eye_deerMan
over a year ago
The South Near That London |
"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. "
Not a bad idea - or the more blunt version; everyone is a c**t until they show otherwise |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. "
That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.
That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.
"
I would see it more as, with Aspergers you are more likely to take people at face value. Unfortunately a large proportion of people aren't that trust worthy!! They "smarm" to get what they want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation. "
Shame that  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.
That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.
I would see it more as, with Aspergers you are more likely to take people at face value. Unfortunately a large proportion of people aren't that trust worthy!! They "smarm" to get what they want. "
Yep. You take people literally and struggle to understand what they are saying might not actually match up to why they are saying it (not all Aspies are the same obviously). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.
That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.
"
As Meli says, aspies have a tendancy to take things literally and at face value. If I have liked someone enough to initially let them in (this doesn't happen often) then it has taken me a very long time to see through the bullshit. I was with MrWho for 2 years before I figured out he had never been on the armed forces.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.
That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.
As Meli says, aspies have a tendancy to take things literally and at face value. If I have liked someone enough to initially let them in (this doesn't happen often) then it has taken me a very long time to see through the bullshit. I was with MrWho for 2 years before I figured out he had never been on the armed forces. "
 x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very wary of 'charm' as historically, due to having aspergers, I have been easily taken in. I think I have to view it all as smarm for the purposes of self-preservation.
That's interesting. I would have thought you'd be more immune to it because of your Asperger's.
As Meli says, aspies have a tendancy to take things literally and at face value. If I have liked someone enough to initially let them in (this doesn't happen often) then it has taken me a very long time to see through the bullshit. I was with MrWho for 2 years before I figured out he had never been on the armed forces.
x"
That's deception though, neither charm or smarm? Sad though..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Smarm is misjudged, overdone charm. True charm has subtlety
But you can overdo charm with the right audience and its still not taken as smarm. Its all dependent on whether the person wants to flirt or not.... "
Disagree. A truly skilled person adjusts the charm to fit the audience so it never crosses the line. It is similar to flirting; both are sophisticated social skills |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it makes your skin crawl then it’s smarm. Normally used by men on age inappropriate women"
"age inappropriate women.." so would that be much younger women who are naive, or much older women who are desperate? |
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Probably true.
