FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Have you any silly handy hints ?

Have you any silly handy hints ?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Tonight put your clock forward just thirty minutes.. Then in October you only have to put it back 30 minutes..thus saving the stress and strain of a full hour..

.Your tip/s

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mail filters.

Craaazzzyyyyyyyy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Buy a full cake..cut it in half.. Instantly half the calories. Now, because its only half the calories ..you can treat yourself to the other half...enjoy !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Carrot cake is one of your 5 a day.

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By *cgkcCouple over a year ago

Hitchin

OK, this sounds silly, but works...

There's a noise in a room and it's bothering you (think high pitch whine from an electronic device that's accidentally turned on) but you can't find the object making the sound.

Take a long narrow tube (cardboard tube from paper towels, for example), hold it to one ear and block the other.

Behold, you'll now be able to find the source of the sound and smash the device to pieces!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

sit on the back of a plane ..they never reverse into mountains

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

if planting grass seeds for a new lawn .mix the seeds with whiskey.. that way the grass conmes up half cut !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Taxi drivers. only indicate AFTER you've turned ...keeps the other drivers on their toes

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Home D I Y'ers ...make your work seem professional by starting at lunchtime,wearing ill fitting trousers snd shaking your head a lot

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Male dog walkers.Rename your dog 'Sexy'.. so any passing pretty ladies won't know if you mean them

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Cinema builders. Dont bother installing a front row,nobody ever sits in them ,start with the second row

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By *inkysexpotMan over a year ago

leeds

When you have got a flat tyre on your car don't panic....it's only flat at the bottom

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Politicians..use the words "shortages", "riots" and "what the people want".. a lot,to save doing Brexit research.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If playing tennis, look really professional by bringing your mummy and girlfriend with you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

if you want to know the time ..go to Cash Converters and buy a cheap watch...hey presto ...the time is on the till receipt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

date girls called Holly .Ivy. Carol.Eve. Itll seem like christmas every day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Drill a hole in the fridge door to make sure the light goes out

This will save electricity and act as a DIY air con unit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Freeze water at the start of the week, then use at your convenience when you’re looking to make a hot bevarage.

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By *aughtyLittleMissWoman over a year ago

Aberdeen

"Freeze water at the start of the week, then use at your convenience when you’re looking to make a hot bevarage."

If you freeze hot water, it’ll save even more time

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By *MP3Man over a year ago

Between Scylla and Charybdis

Make wasps less angry by putting a 50:50 mixture of prozac and jam in a jar outside the fuckers' hive

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By *riskygazMan over a year ago

birmingham

when you first turn on a hot tap and your waiting for the water to get hot, run it slowly it will warm up quicker and waste less water.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Save money on milk by not reporting your neighbours death.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

ladies,have you put your knickers on back to front. Simply make an emergency dental appointment, when you wake-up. .. they're sure to be to be the right way round !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Smart phone users. Having connection problems?

Simply hold your phone high up in the air, which should instantly connect to the satellite 35,000 km above

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Earn easy money by driving round town like an idiot..with a sticker on the back saying "Hows my driving" to a 0906 premium rate number you've set up

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You can tell if your wife/girlfriend is being sarcastic if she says " Did you finish that job?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you are skiing

put some dogmeat in your pocket.

that way if there is an Avalanche the rescue dog will find you first.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men..

if you like looking at boobies

.when in the supermarket

start your shopping in the second Isle going against the flow.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

To save expensive cats vets bills,

get rid of your cat and occasionally rip your furniture with a stanley knife.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

White van drivers. Bring back happy childhood memories by driving in the middle of the central White line like in a scalectrix

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Wheel your weelie bin to the supermarket ...so you can see instantly what you've run out of

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Old thick telephone directorys come in useful as address books.Just cross out the names of people you dont know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Increase the size of your living room by decorating with thin wallpaper.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t wipe your arse with broken glarse

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By *inkysexpotMan over a year ago

leeds

"Don’t wipe your arse with broken glarse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When flat on your back being ridden by a larger lady, don't have a panic attack and shout at her to get off cos you can't feel your legs

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If your about to ask a lady for directions, choose one with massive boobs. that way you have something to look at as you'll be there for a while!

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Tonight put your clock forward just thirty minutes.. Then in October you only have to put it back 30 minutes..thus saving the stress and strain of a full hour..

.Your tip/s

By New clocks they look after the time autonomously.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Tonight put your clock forward just thirty minutes.. Then in October you only have to put it back 30 minutes..thus saving the stress and strain of a full hour..

.Your tip/s

By New clocks they look after the time autonomously.

you and your big words ..you're very antidisestablishmentarianistic

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

drinking too much causes memory loss...even worse..it causes memory loss

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

keep a tight hold of your wife's/girlfriends hand in a shopping mall...or she WILL start shopping!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Dont be tempted to lick the bowl,

flush it like everyone else !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Treat every problem as your dog would....

if you cannot eat it - walk away!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you've lost something, always look in the last place you can think of first. That's where lost stuff always is, and it'll save you time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

don't trust an atom -they make up everything.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Treat every problem as your dog would....

if you cannot eat it - walk away!"

WOW love it...

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Tonight put your clock forward just thirty minutes.. Then in October you only have to put it back 30 minutes..thus saving the stress and strain of a full hour..

.Your tip/s

By New clocks they look after the time autonomously.

you and your big words ..you're very antidisestablishmentarianistic "

If you do not understand a word Google it..

That's tip for my self..

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple over a year ago

Cumbria

"Tonight put your clock forward just thirty minutes.. Then in October you only have to put it back 30 minutes..thus saving the stress and strain of a full hour..

.Your tip/s

By New clocks they look after the time autonomously.

you and your big words ..you're very antidisestablishmentarianistic

If you do not understand a word Google it..

That's tip for my self.."

All good now..

opposition to the disestablishment of the Church of England.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Tonight put your clock forward just thirty minutes.. Then in October you only have to put it back 30 minutes..thus saving the stress and strain of a full hour..

.Your tip/s

By New clocks they look after the time autonomously.

you and your big words ..you're very antidisestablishmentarianistic

If you do not understand a word Google it..

That's tip for my self..

All good now..

opposition to the disestablishment of the Church of England.

YES BABY YES

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Always give 100%.

unless your giving blood !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

if your not happy where you are.. move.

you are not a tree.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Therepy is expensive..bubble wrap is cheap.

(actual advice from a psychologist)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Don't try to understand women.

Women understand women and they hate each other

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Don't spend a fortune on a wedding, spend it on the house. They tend to last longer

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Screwfix is not a dating agency

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Don't waste money on expensive binoculars . simply stand next to the object you wish to view

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

put expesive widescreen television/dvd's empty boxes & packaging outside next doors bins...so they'll get robbed ..not you !

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Take stairs two at a time, to increase the life of your stair carpet by 50 per cent.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if you wish to leave Europe...simply cast a vote in a referendum.. the government then sorts it all out pronto

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Men-copy the confectioners trick.

On your profile dont put 'small' put "fun size"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

People called steven.

. save precious time by calling yourself Steve

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By *illen5Man over a year ago

Bath

Avoid buying expensive carpets. Simply strap your feet to deep pile shag.

If youre concened you might look silly, buy shoes 5 sizes too big and cut the deep carpet to the exact size of the insole. Wellies work well.

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By *illen5Man over a year ago

Bath

If you're Welsh, you'll have some oversized lying around anyway

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By *azonfabTV/TS over a year ago

glasgow

"Carrot cake is one of your 5 a day. "

So are toffee apples

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By *2000ManMan over a year ago

Worthing

Save fuel by turning off your engine whenever possible and coast along. When you start to slow down too much, switch engine on!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Before doing anything, ask yourself.. 'would an idiot do that?'

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

marriage is a walk in the park.

.. Jurassic park!

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Guests with dairy allergies coming round? Just suck the yoghurt coating off those nuts and dry them out in the oven.

Job done.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t cook naked

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Never stick your finger in a pencil sharpener.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

if you pour coconut oil into your stir fry,. .

it makes it easier to throw in the bin

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool,than to speak and remove all doubt!

Abraham Lincoln

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Make sure McDonald's give you your take aways in brown paper bags ,so it blends in with the countryside when you throw it out the car window

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Councils..save money on street cleaning by issuing blind people with pointy sticks

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By *appytrailmanMan over a year ago

Manchester

When a "baby on board" sticker is a little faded and beaten up you know the child is a least a year or two old now and the car is safe to hit if in the way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

save money on ribbed condoms by simply placing garden peas in an ordinary one

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Convert Black Labradors into Seals easily,

by feeding them cakes,pastries and pies

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Convert Black Labradors into Seals easily,

by feeding them cakes,pastries and pies

Then covering them in vaseline.

Save pounds buying Guiness by brewing your own. Simply boil some penguins ...the black sinks and the white bit floats to the top

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By *illen5Man over a year ago

Bath

"save money on ribbed condoms by simply placing garden peas in an ordinary one

M&Ms more colourful

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

avoid constant Brexit coverage by offering to be an astronaut on the next moon landing..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

if your tv remote's batteries are running low...try pressing really hard on the keys to sort of squeeze more energy out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you travel by plane a lot and like to read whilst flying, always make sure your books are large and inflatable. That way, if the plane goes down over the ocean, you'll have a ready made life raft

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't half ass things.

Whole ass everything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If there is no torch on your phone,take a photo of the sun and use it when it's dark

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dance like no one is watching, because they're not,they are all checking their phones

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

When reading a book ,tear out the pages you have read, saving the need for a bookmark

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Shop assistants, When a garage mechanic comes to your till.. add on items they dont know they needed and charge them £50 labour for the till transaction

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you can't be good,

just be good at what you do !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be alert, Britain needs lerts

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Pretend a nuclear bomb has been dropped on Paris by simply visiting Blackpool

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Avoid young children falling out of bunk beds by initially investing in condoms

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Instead of watching Groundhog Day .. Simply turn on the News.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you have an arrogant nature and presume all black people are criminals..dont get bored..simply join the Police

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Employers.

avoid employing unlucky people by throwing half the c.v's in the bin

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Single males. Convince the public you're married by standing outside Marks & Spencers holding shopping bags, looking in the shop regularly,

checking your watch and tutting very loud !

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Bring back happy teenage memories by sulking ,stamping your feet and repeatedly stating its not fair

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't trust someone who puts in the milk,then the cereal

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Don't trust someone who puts in the milk,then the cereal"

you scared me at the word "cereal"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bring back happy teenage memories by sulking ,stamping your feet and repeatedly stating its not fair "

We need member berries

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Magnify your smartphones screen by placing it in a glass of water

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Bring back happy teenage memories by sulking ,stamping your feet and repeatedly stating its not fair

We need member berries

member berries !I want a packet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Magnify your smartphones screen by placing it in a glass of water"

should the Glass be half full or half empty?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bring back happy teenage memories by sulking ,stamping your feet and repeatedly stating its not fair

We need member berries

member berries !I want a packet

Make that two

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Magnify your smartphones screen by placing it in a glass of water

should the Glass be half full or half empty?"

Half empty obviously,half full it might spill

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

save money on batteries by only putting them in the clock when you want to know the time

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

never laugh at your wife or girlfriends choices.

You are one of them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, you'll be afraid to cough.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

a cigarette butt placed beneath a plaster.. makes a cheap cigarette patch

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

air-guitar players, become air-ukulele players by shortening the distance between your hands

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Save money on expensive personalized number plates

Simply change your name by deepoll to your existing number plate

From Mr f47 glt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Having a Chinese meal,but haven't mastered chop sticks?

A fork makes a handy alternative

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Save money on expensive personalized number plates

Simply change your name by deepoll to your existing number plate

From Mr f47 glt"
.

Nobody still wants to buy Val Doonicans

personalized plate

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Bananas.

buy 7 bananas and at home write on them with a felt tip pen - Monday on the brownest and Sunday on the greenest to save having to choose on those hectic weekdays

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Beekeepers. avoid getting stung by bees by Simply buying your honey from a health food shop and getting stung there

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Bell ringers.

bell broke?

simply drop various lenths of scaffolding from the church roof around 7am each Sunday morning

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By *anOnFire69Man over a year ago

The bedroom

If you feel alone, watch a horror movie before going to bed.

You won’t feel alone anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"sit on the back of a plane ..they never reverse into mountains"

Great advice .. You would also be the last one to die .. lol

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By *anOnFire69Man over a year ago

The bedroom

No flashlight on your phone?

Take a photo of the sun, and use it in the dark.

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By *anOnFire69Man over a year ago

The bedroom

Having a bad day? No worries! Wear sunglasses.

Now you’re having a bad evening.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Burglars.

When running away from a job,wrap your right arm in a thick pillow, in case the police send a dog after you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Eastern Europeans

Quickly learn many English swear words at once by standing talking in pairs at the edge of a busy zebra crossing

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Preston gnome are you really this bored

Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Preston gnome are you really this bored

Lol"

No.Im just not right in the head.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Drill a hole in the fridge door to make sure the light goes out

This will save electricity and act as a DIY air con unit

I bought my ex a fridge for Xmas once , should've seen her face light up when she opened it !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Letting the cat out of the bag is a lot easier than putting it back in

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

To make cheese go further

simply leave it on the bus

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you're trying to train that stubborn young Labrador,

start off with "Eat". .or "Sleep"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never trust a fart

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Zoo staff.

give your visitors added entertainment by

carrying a rifle and running around the park shouting "did you see which way it went"?

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By *naquest321Man over a year ago

Carlisle

"OK, this sounds silly, but works...

There's a noise in a room and it's bothering you (think high pitch whine from an electronic device that's accidentally turned on) but you can't find the object making the sound.

Take a long narrow tube (cardboard tube from paper towels, for example), hold it to one ear and block the other.

Behold, you'll now be able to find the source of the sound and smash the device to pieces! "

If only I had a high pitch whining noise in the room. I use to but she left.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

to save wear on your expensive carpets simply roll them up before guests arrive

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By *ain n MableWoman over a year ago

Milton Keynes

A USED condom filed with water and left on a hot radiator makes an ideal yet inexpensive Lava lamp.

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By *ain n MableWoman over a year ago

Milton Keynes

[Removed by poster at 04/04/19 16:30:29]

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By *eorge n DragonCouple over a year ago

Cheshire

"A USED condom filed with water and left on a hot radiator makes an ideal yet inexpensive Lava lamp."

Just. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Turn your old fleece jacket into a trendy gilet by simply cutting off the sleeves

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Turn your old fleece jacket into a trendy gilet by simply cutting off the sleeves"

tee-hee i did that recently with a camouflage coat !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Turn your old fleece jacket into a trendy gilet by simply cutting off the sleeves

tee-hee i did that recently with a camouflage coat !"

Aaww,that's a shame,no one will see your trendy new gilet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Turn your old fleece jacket into a trendy gilet by simply cutting off the sleeves

tee-hee i did that recently with a camouflage coat !

Aaww,that's a shame,no one will see your trendy new gilet "

clever

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A USED condom filed with water and left on a hot radiator makes an ideal yet inexpensive Lava lamp."

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Formula One drivers.

place a baby on board sticker on the rear of your car -ensuring drivers behind will slow right down

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Prevent your children from bursting on a hot day by prodding them with a fork

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

After your children have learned to spell with alphabet spaghetti ,buy some ordinary spaghetti so they can practice joined up writing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Avoid the butter side down scenario by dropping your toast and then buttering it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A ladder turned upside down can be used for climbing down from heights

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pretend a nuclear bomb had been dropped on Paris,by simply visiting Blackpool

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Pretend a nuclear bomb had been dropped on Paris,by simply visiting Blackpool"

did that one. Spam one good one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A ladder turned upside down can be used for climbing down from heights"

Brilliant !! I must remember that !

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