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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of Jagermeister.
The bartender says, "Wow, that's a lot. Are you celebrating?"
The man replies, "Yes! My first blowjob!"
The bartender says, "Oh, congratulations! But if you don't mind me asking, why ten shots?"
The man says, "If that won't get the taste out, nothing will." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Joe and Sally were d*unkenly walking home from the bar one evening when Sally says, "I need a pee."
She then goes behind a bush and drops her knickers.
Now Pete's feeling horny, so he puts his hand through the bush only to feel something dangling between Sally's legs.
Shocked, he asks, "Have you changed sex?"
Sally replies, "No, I've changed my mind. I'm having a dump!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guy walks into chemist and asks for a box of condoms.. Sorry says assistant but we are out of them, have you tried boots.. To which he replies,, jesus I want to slide in, not march in. |
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A woman returns home from a week-long business trip, and is welcomed by her husband, her three-year-old son, and Ingrid, their au-pair. As a doting mother, she can't wait to ask her son how he's enjoyed the week.
"Well Mummy, Daddy took me to the fun fair on Monday, and to the zoo on Tuesday, and Auntie Ingrid took me for a McDonalds on Wednesday, and then Daddy and me slept together".
"No, no, no!" interrupts Ingrid. "Daddy and "I" slept together".
The boy says "No, that was yesterday. I'm talking about Thursday". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of Jagermeister.
The bartender says, "Wow, that's a lot. Are you celebrating?"
The man replies, "Yes! My first blowjob!"
The bartender says, "Oh, congratulations! But if you don't mind me asking, why ten shots?"
The man says, "If that won't get the taste out, nothing will.""
pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A sailor goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants.
"I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your breasts", he says.
You dirty git,' shouts the barmaid, 'get out before I fetch my husband.'
The sailor apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe.
The barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.
'I want to pull your pants down, spread yogurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off' he says.
'You dirty filthy pervert.
You're banned.
Get out.' she storms.
Again, the matelot apologizes and swears never ever to do it again.
'One more chance' says the barmaid.
'Now for the last time - what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, fill your fanny with Guinness, and then drink every last drop. '
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly. '
What's up, love?' he asks.
'There's a man in the bar who wants to put his head between my breasts and lick the sweat off' she says.
'I'll kill him. Where is he?' storms the husband.
'Then he said he wanted to pour yogurt down between my arse cheeks and lick it off' she screams.
'Right. He's dead' says the husband, reaching for a cricket bat.
'Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with Guinness and then drink it all' she cries.
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair and switches the telly back on.
'Aren't you going to do something about it?' she cries hysterically.
**
'Look, love - I'm not messing with someone who can drink 12 pints of Guinness.....!!!!! |
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