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Do women put up with inappropriate touches?
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"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate. I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning. Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me. The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect. It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy. I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same. He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him. I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him. Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school. Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him. But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much. He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope. He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything. He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have. So no - I don’t put up with it. There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy. Ugh I’m now angry " My daughter had a similar issue. Because cleaning services were contracted out and the janitor wasn't a direct employee, the company were reluctant to deal with him. She moved jobs eventually, which misses the point entirely. | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? " Why do you need to touch people at work? | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? " Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? " If someome is in distress. Offering a hug isn't touching un-invited though is it? | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... " Well I'm out of this thread then before i get pussed upon by the well meaning..... | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? If someome is in distress. Offering a hug isn't touching un-invited though is it?" That's what I was saying! | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... " Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine. There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that. There’s boundaries for everyone in life. | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine. There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that. There’s boundaries for everyone in life. " I agree  | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine. There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that. There’s boundaries for everyone in life. I agree "If unsure, define them | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine. There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that. There’s boundaries for everyone in life. I agree "
I wasn’t meaning to disagree or challenge you or imply you condone it btw | |||
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"I call it out every time. I don't like to be touched by strangers or acquaintances. Close friends, family ECT is fine. But acquaintances at work? Nope. Strangers at a bus stop? Nope. People on a night out? Nope. And I tell them. And they stop. If they didn't then I wouldn't think twice about kicking up a fuss. I might sound like a bitch at the time, but I like to have a say over who touches me. If someone is crying I will say would you like a hug? But I won't hug them without their say so. I expect the same treatment. If someone touches me by accident then it's an accident fair enough. But if someone is being overly friendly when it isn't warranted I will shut it down immediately Gem" 
The amount of people who have told me to calm down on a night out when a man has randomly touched/grabbed me and it isn’t an accident...I don’t enjoy being groped and I’m not even sorry about that | |||
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"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate. I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning. Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me. The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect. It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy. I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same. He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him. I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him. Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school. Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him. But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much. He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope. He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything. He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have. So no - I don’t put up with it. There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy. Ugh I’m now angry " Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher? When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing  | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? " A colleague and a close friend can be comforted without physical contact. I would ask you why would you need to touch someone as part of your daily routine? I am not saying that touching someone has to have sexual connotations. I just don't see: a. Why touching is neccesary. b. Why someone should tolerate uninvited physical contact. c. If contact is invited, how to you ensure it remains appropriate. d. If you are trying to ensure that there is professionalism and equality in the workplace, how do you ensure that touching (if allowed) doesn't just happen to occur to the young and percieved attractive members of staff and the less attractive one's don't feel alienated as they aren't being touched? Don't touch. Problem solved. | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine. There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that. There’s boundaries for everyone in life. I agree
I wasn’t meaning to disagree or challenge you or imply you condone it btw"It's cool my friend, it was just that someone said they had a strict no touching rule at work, that's all I was questioning, just seemed a bit odd, ott and open to abuse. I'm massively big on personal space and I hate ppl getting too close unless they're well "close" to me | |||
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"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate. I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning. Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me. The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect. It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy. I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same. He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him. I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him. Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school. Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him. But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much. He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope. He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything. He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have. So no - I don’t put up with it. There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy. Ugh I’m now angry Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher? When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing "We have. Unfortunately I’ve learnt the hard way someone really needs to fuck up before anything can be done, or they can claim unfair dismissal. It sucks - he was off for a week sick and it was amazing. The old janitor we had was brilliant and such a lovely man, he’s at another school I work at very rarely and whenever I see him he asks what’s going on because he’s heard stories from other staff about everything. So many people have put complaints in :-/ He knows I hate hugs and I will be sat in a chair and he will hug me anyway. I tell him to get off and he says ‘oh lighten up!’ Or I’ll be standing and I will just stand, won’t hug him back or anything and again tell him to get off. He just doesn’t *do* boundaries | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? A colleague and a close friend can be comforted without physical contact. I would ask you why would you need to touch someone as part of your daily routine? I am not saying that touching someone has to have sexual connotations. I just don't see: a. Why touching is neccesary. b. Why someone should tolerate uninvited physical contact. c. If contact is invited, how to you ensure it remains appropriate. d. If you are trying to ensure that there is professionalism and equality in the workplace, how do you ensure that touching (if allowed) doesn't just happen to occur to the young and percieved attractive members of staff and the less attractive one's don't feel alienated as they aren't being touched? Don't touch. Problem solved. " For some ppl it appears that a brain isn't necessary..... | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? A colleague and a close friend can be comforted without physical contact. I would ask you why would you need to touch someone as part of your daily routine? I am not saying that touching someone has to have sexual connotations. I just don't see: a. Why touching is neccesary. b. Why someone should tolerate uninvited physical contact. c. If contact is invited, how to you ensure it remains appropriate. d. If you are trying to ensure that there is professionalism and equality in the workplace, how do you ensure that touching (if allowed) doesn't just happen to occur to the young and percieved attractive members of staff and the less attractive one's don't feel alienated as they aren't being touched? Don't touch. Problem solved. For some ppl it appears that a brain isn't necessary..... " For some people it appears that boundaries are to be pushed until someone complains "because I didn't see any harm in it, it was innocent enough". | |||
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"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate. I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning. Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me. The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect. It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy. I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same. He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him. I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him. Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school. Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him. But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much. He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope. He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything. He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have. So no - I don’t put up with it. There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy. Ugh I’m now angry Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher? When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing
We have. Unfortunately I’ve learnt the hard way someone really needs to fuck up before anything can be done, or they can claim unfair dismissal. It sucks - he was off for a week sick and it was amazing.
The old janitor we had was brilliant and such a lovely man, he’s at another school I work at very rarely and whenever I see him he asks what’s going on because he’s heard stories from other staff about everything. So many people have put complaints in :-/
He knows I hate hugs and I will be sat in a chair and he will hug me anyway. I tell him to get off and he says ‘oh lighten up!’
Or I’ll be standing and I will just stand, won’t hug him back or anything and again tell him to get off. He just doesn’t *do* boundaries "Maybe try loudly warning him (in front of witnesses) that you find his behaviour inappropriate and distressing, you consider it harassment and physical assault, and if he touches you again in a way you feel is inappropriate you will retaliate, forcefully if necessary. Then if there is a next time, slap his face or shove him hard away from you. Then action will have to be taken against him by his employers. | |||
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"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me. He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing. Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me. It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature. Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence. " He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation. No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in. | |||
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"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me. He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing. Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me. It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature. Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence. He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation. No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in." That’s what I do now to be honest if he’s gonna pass me I’m almost trying to tuck my arse in or place my back against a wall or other surface and I kind of like dart past him. Today though they were having a new bed and I was helping him get the mattress on (cos he asked me to help and it was a heavy ass mattress) but instead of saying move out the way a minute he kid of moved me by my hips and if it was innocent it wouldn’t feel wrong when he did it, I can’t explain it properly. It’s not like if my grandpa pushed me out the way to get in a drawer I was standing in front of or something like that, it’s just different. | |||
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"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me. He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing. Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me. It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature. Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence. He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation. No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in. That’s what I do now to be honest if he’s gonna pass me I’m almost trying to tuck my arse in or place my back against a wall or other surface and I kind of like dart past him. Today though they were having a new bed and I was helping him get the mattress on (cos he asked me to help and it was a heavy ass mattress) but instead of saying move out the way a minute he kid of moved me by my hips and if it was innocent it wouldn’t feel wrong when he did it, I can’t explain it properly. It’s not like if my grandpa pushed me out the way to get in a drawer I was standing in front of or something like that, it’s just different. " I know exactly what you mean. Holding a woman by her hips or waist isn't an innocent touch that's why you feel its wrong. I know you said he's a lovely person but even lovely people have bad traits. This is one of those situations where you're going to have to shut up and put up or say something. | |||
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"It’s a put up and shut up thing and just carry on doing what I do if he’s there and that’s try and keep out of his way. Like I clean her house once a week too and if he’s there I’ll hold the mop in front of me or to the side of me if he’s passing. Like it’s his home, saying something would be too much, I love the woman I look after and she’s been good to me too. It’s just mad what things we put up with, men too probably, does this happen to guys as well?" But you don’t have to put up with it. In all honesty because he’s old id probably say ‘watch your hands!’ in a jokey way but be sure he heard it. I’d keep saying it a few more times if he continued and if he kept going I’d say something seriously | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. " That's inappropriate for different reasons and you're party to it. | |||
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"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself "No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place. Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it. | |||
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"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself "I hate my personal space invaded. I work with someone who stands so close I have to move my chair back to talk to them. I think you’re allowed your own perception of what’s acceptable to you. | |||
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"I feel embarrassed reading this because I know I have probably invaded others personal space and touched others in way that would be considered inappropriate in my past. I think gently confronting the behaviour is wholly appropriate as he is way over the mark of what might be passed off as just being tactile." I'm guilty of things like this too, I'm extremely tactile, I'm an arm linker, a hand holder, and a cuddler, fuck, I'm even a lap sitter too. Never with those I don't know well enough to believe they'd tell me to fuck off if it wasn't ok. My colleagues are more like friends/family than workmates. P | |||
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"I feel embarrassed reading this because I know I have probably invaded others personal space and touched others in way that would be considered inappropriate in my past. I think gently confronting the behaviour is wholly appropriate as he is way over the mark of what might be passed off as just being tactile. I'm guilty of things like this too, I'm extremely tactile, I'm an arm linker, a hand holder, and a cuddler, fuck, I'm even a lap sitter too. Never with those I don't know well enough to believe they'd tell me to fuck off if it wasn't ok. My colleagues are more like friends/family than workmates. P" | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?" If it happening to you go to HR and make a complaint about sexual harassment. | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? " Not allowed, unless the said person has asked to be hugged or comforted. | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Not allowed, unless the said person has asked to be hugged or comforted." Why's this so difficult? Isn't it bleeding obvious to know the difference between hugging someone you know well when they are sad and randomly groping women at work? | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Not allowed, unless the said person has asked to be hugged or comforted. Why's this so difficult? Isn't it bleeding obvious to know the difference between hugging someone you know well when they are sad and randomly groping women at work? " It is seen as inappropriate touching and the said person(female) has not asked you or hinted at you to touch her. I agree with you but I don't make the rules. It the exactly the same with a lost child you stop to help you will be charged with abduction. | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. " So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. " I dont know where they work, but if two people were grinding together in the staff room at my work they'd both be sacked. | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. " My Draconian no touching rule would prevent others feeling uncomfortable if they happen to stumble into the staff room whilst the grinding goes on. As I alluded to earlier (although clearly I'm brainless) we can't have 2 sets of rules, one for hotties, another for mingers. There will always be some who see it as harmless because it is what they do. But again, you shouldn't need to ask what someone finds appropriate or not. | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. I dont know where they work, but if two people were grinding together in the staff room at my work they'd both be sacked. " Yup any behaviour like that is not appropriate at work whether you fancy someone or not. | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. So is it inappropriate for the old guy to put his hands on your waist and hips because he fancies you then? I'm a bit confused as to why you have one rule for the guy at work and another for the older guy. FYI I deem both to be inappropriate behaviour from both you and the men involved. My Draconian no touching rule would prevent others feeling uncomfortable if they happen to stumble into the staff room whilst the grinding goes on. As I alluded to earlier (although clearly I'm brainless) we can't have 2 sets of rules, one for hotties, another for mingers. There will always be some who see it as harmless because it is what they do. But again, you shouldn't need to ask what someone finds appropriate or not. " Don't do sex stuff at work (unless you work in a brothel). Easy. | |||
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"Then you got the other end of the scale like my other workplace in the gym with the personal trainer guy I have a crush on, he used to ask me all the time to scratch his back for him, up his t shirt so directly scratching his skin! He’s passed me numerous times and actually pressed his dick against my arse. In the staff room when he’s been sat on the sofa he’s pulled me to sit on his lap whilst I eat my food and I grind against his dick, I ask him to rub my lower back when I have period pain. That’s all extremely inappropriate touching. " This isn't appropriate behaviour for a married couple in a work place, let alone random workers. If you worked for me you'd both be on warnings | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?" If I don't like the person, I tell them I'd prefer no contact and I will react if they ignore it. Life is too fucking short for me to put up with "overly friendly" people at work or in public. I always have good manners but this is nothing to do with manners. | |||
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"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself
No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.
Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it. "My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now? My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?
Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual. | |||
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"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself
No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.
Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.
My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?
My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?
Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual."Its still inappropriate. The agency bloke at work I'd only met once prior, we were working, and I dont appreciate him being practically in my pocket and keep touching me. | |||
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"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself
No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.
Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.
My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?
My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?
Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual."If you feel it inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable yes report it. She only needs to say good job well done not touch you. was the bump accident or did she do it on purpose for her own sexual gratification eg Frottage ...then report her. | |||
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"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate" No, that's appropriate in that particular circumstance. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets. " | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets. " Well you want try it and see how it feels when someone does something you’re not comfortable with. You may have a different perception then. | |||
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"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate" It will be if she reports it as such. It will be Office a strange man in a bar touch me with his finger on the shoulder Office ...Did you ask to be touched? Lady....No and you will be cuffed up and charged with inappropriate contact. Don't believe me just google the law on this stuff. | |||
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"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate No, that's appropriate in that particular circumstance. " I've touched someone lightly on the shoulder whilst saying excuse me in a crowded, noisy bar, I wouldn't be offended if someone did the same to me. Like the previous poster said, it's dependant on the circumstances. Rubbing up against them or touching their bum would be inappropriate however. | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? If someome is in distress. Offering a hug isn't touching un-invited though is it?" yep that person has NOT giving you permission to touch them. | |||
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"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate" If she has her back to you she will be facing someone else and you get that person attention without touching the said person | |||
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"My situation is extremely awkward because I don’t want to offend and it’s not an office environment it’s the persons own home, like I’m employed to look after and assist the wife of said person who I’ve been with for 4 years and she’s been amazing to me over the years like school holidays I take my kid with me to her house and shopping and swimming, I couldn’t do that in any other job. When I’ve had to take days off and everything like that. They’re both super super super nice to me. He never used to be there that much but since he retired he is and it’s not pervy I ain’t saying that but it’s more like a flinch when he does it kind of thing. Like today now both hands on my waist whilst he was behind me to pass me in a massive room, there jusy wasn’t any need to put his hands on me. It’s just super awkward cos they’re kind people. Saying something would cause massive offence and would upset the lady I look after. So what’s the alternative just put up with it, which isn’t in my nature. Just made me wonder how many times in all manner of situations we let stuff like this slide for fear of causing offence. He knows what he's doing, he's taking advantage of the situation. No idea how you deal with it unless next time he does it you turn to face him and say "I know you don't mean to but I feel very uncomfortable with you touching me like that". Alternatively you could make it quite clear that you're avoiding being close enough to him to be touched eg if he's about to go through the same doorway as you move out of his way in an exaggerated manner. It's an extremely awkward situation to be in. That’s what I do now to be honest if he’s gonna pass me I’m almost trying to tuck my arse in or place my back against a wall or other surface and I kind of like dart past him. Today though they were having a new bed and I was helping him get the mattress on (cos he asked me to help and it was a heavy ass mattress) but instead of saying move out the way a minute he kid of moved me by my hips and if it was innocent it wouldn’t feel wrong when he did it, I can’t explain it properly. It’s not like if my grandpa pushed me out the way to get in a drawer I was standing in front of or something like that, it’s just different. " If it feels wrong you need to report it. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets. Well you want try it and see how it feels when someone does something you’re not comfortable with. You may have a different perception then. " Exactly this. I find it hard to get my head around the fact that you're effectively trying to overrule whether someone is touched on their own body or not. It's hardly draconian, there's no need to touch anyone in the workplace or day to day life unless it's a medical emergency or they expressly permit it. | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?" Yes! I'd still have to trust him! | |||
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"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate. I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning. Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me. The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect. It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy. I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same. He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him. I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him. Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school. Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him. But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much. He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope. He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything. He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have. So no - I don’t put up with it. There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy. Ugh I’m now angry Actually I feel angry reading this - that man should not be working in a school, can you not all collectively make a complaint, including the head teacher? When I was 6 months pregnant with my eldest, a friend's partner once grabbed my bump (without warning or asking) and started rubbing it - I have never slapped anyone so hard in all my life, and my poor friend was absolutely devastated that he would do such a thing
We have. Unfortunately I’ve learnt the hard way someone really needs to fuck up before anything can be done, or they can claim unfair dismissal. It sucks - he was off for a week sick and it was amazing.
The old janitor we had was brilliant and such a lovely man, he’s at another school I work at very rarely and whenever I see him he asks what’s going on because he’s heard stories from other staff about everything. So many people have put complaints in :-/
He knows I hate hugs and I will be sat in a chair and he will hug me anyway. I tell him to get off and he says ‘oh lighten up!’
Or I’ll be standing and I will just stand, won’t hug him back or anything and again tell him to get off. He just doesn’t *do* boundaries
Maybe try loudly warning him (in front of witnesses) that you find his behaviour inappropriate and distressing, you consider it harassment and physical assault, and if he touches you again in a way you feel is inappropriate you will retaliate, forcefully if necessary. Then if there is a next time, slap his face or shove him hard away from you. Then action will have to be taken against him by his employers. "If no action is being taken by management, worth checking whistleblowing procedure for your employer (or if you’re unionised losing with them). Do remember that you can independently call the police and make a complaint, or inform management that this would be your next step. | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?" When this happens to me and it’s unwelcome behaviour, I won’t presume malintent from the other party, so simply inform them I didnt enjoy that touch, and would rather that didn’t happen again. “Gosh, I’d rather you don’t touch me like that - is that something we can be clear on? Thank you” said with a surprised flinch and pause, and a smile on the question and presumptive agreement. | |||
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"It’s a put up and shut up thing and just carry on doing what I do if he’s there and that’s try and keep out of his way. Like I clean her house once a week too and if he’s there I’ll hold the mop in front of me or to the side of me if he’s passing. Like it’s his home, saying something would be too much, I love the woman I look after and she’s been good to me too. It’s just mad what things we put up with, men too probably, does this happen to guys as well?" One way of addressing it beyond what you’ve done so far, might be to flinch and jokingly but clearly say “Blimey, I thought you touching me just then was you hitting on me, then I’d have to quit and so on - careful eh?!” and deliver it as a joke that can be laughed off but planting the clear what the consequence of hitting on you would be, alongside the what it possibly had made you think. It allows him and you to save face and laugh because it couldn’t possibly have been this intent and yet it’s now out there so if it’s done again, a more serious conversation could be had. | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?" But isn’t that the difference of welcome and unwelcome touching - the OP is talking about unwelcome situations. | |||
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"Nope. Our new janitor at work is really inappropriate. I mentioned that I stripped the colour from my hair and he came over, elbowed me and said ‘a stripper eh?’ I told him ‘don’t even start with that nonsense, I’m clearly not a stripper’ and rolled my eyes. I ask him not to touch me and he laughs. So I told him I’d be telling my manager, I did and he got a warning. Yet still everyday he comes in and says ‘hello girls’ and tried to chat. Will grab our waists, if I look like shit (which I do most mornings cause I’m pure spewing all the time) he will try and hug me and will just come over and hug me. I tell him not to touch me. The cleaner (who works in the evenings) is 62 and is my ‘work dad’. They knew each other previously and don’t like each other. He had to tell him to leave us all alone - he doesn’t treat the teachers this way (although is still very creepy) and needs to show us respect. It’s sort of improved since then but not really. I don’t have a bump yet, but he insists on trying to touch my tummy. I don’t even put on a fake face anymore, he can see I’m fucked off with him and thankfully everyone else I work with (all female team) does the same. He’s insanely creepy and will always find an excuse to touch you, to the point where we have to move away from him. I’m always in first thing in the morning, I’ll put the radio on, get the paperwork out and set breakfast up and he will come and ask for a bit of toast and a cup of tea. I tell him sure, you can use our kettle and toaster. He says no silly, can you make me them. I tell him nope, the bread is for the kids and he has his own kettle - I’m there to work with kids, not him. Ugh. On international women’s day he came in and tried the ‘hey trouble!’ Line and high five. Told him no, I’m not a child, I’m not ‘trouble’ so he can show us the same respect he shows the other staff in the school. Three kitchen staff (there was only three anyway!) have left because of him. Nursery staff hide in cupboards from him. The headteacher and principle teacher and all the teachers can’t stand him. But it’s mostly us he’s creepy with, as I’m 22, and I work with a 19 year old, 20 year old and 21 year old. He tries it with the others (one is 40 one is 56) but nowhere near as much. He’s had complaints put in, I’ve contacted his duty manager myself, but nope. He got moved from his last school because of a serious incident but my ‘work dad’ won’t tell me what - which means it’s really bad, cause he tells me everything. He was at my sisters school originally and she always complained about a creepy janitor - the janitor we now have. So no - I don’t put up with it. There’s also a guy I used to work with who I got on really well who tried things like that, I hated it. Made my boundaries very clear and then he refused to work with me as we ‘didn’t get on’. No - there’s just no need to have your hand around my shoulder as I’m changing a child’s nappy. Ugh I’m now angry " If you have been to your line managers and nothing has been done go to the area manager and ask them to meet with you and your union rep.Totally unacceptable. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets. " 
And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy. | |||
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"Geezus reading some of the responses here makes me feel like next year people will be like, you've entered my safe space of 1 foot around me, please remove yourself
No there’s a massive difference. You don’t know what it’s like until it happens, it sounds innocent when you say oh he just placed his hand on my lower back whilst he walked passed me but it’s a touch for no reason, it feels weird and there’s no need for a hand to be on you in the first place.
Even the guy I fancy in the gym I work in, he even would ask me to scratch his back and that’s something I can either do it or jokingly tell him nah fuck off! But I choose to do it and I like doing it.
My female manager placed a hand on my shoulder and said good job? Should I be offended by it now?
My female collegue would bump into me when walking to the lunch room? Should I now report her for inappropriate touching ?
Obviously some touching is definitely inappropriate, but these things are harmless and nothing about it is sexual."What is it you don’t understand about the fact that individuals have different tolerances? No one here is telling you how to feel about your body when it’s touched by someone. What a ridiculous notion, and totally missing the point. The point is to think about the fact you’ve got no idea what the person *you* touch might feel about it hence not to do so without consent. It’s about being responsible if *you* are touching and presuming it’s ok. | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?" Yes that is the difference if he was a ugly fuck it sexual harassment if he handsome and worth fucking then it just office flirting. One rule for one one rule for the other. | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him? Yes that is the difference if he was a ugly fuck it sexual harassment if he handsome and worth fucking then it just office flirting. One rule for one one rule for the other." So you're saying that because a lady let the hot guy that she fancies touch her hand, you should get a go too? How is someone having complete autonomy over their body even remotely hypocritical? | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him?" Yes. If a guy that looked good and I was sexually attracted to then displayed the behaviour of a creep he'd no longer be fanciable...... end of. | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him? Yes that is the difference if he was a ugly fuck it sexual harassment if he handsome and worth fucking then it just office flirting. One rule for one one rule for the other." Absolute bollocks. It’s up to the person being touched if the touch is welcome or not. If they fancy the person and welcome the touch then fine. It makes not one jot of difference that the guy who chose to touch without knowing consent did so without knowing - that’s the issue - they have no right to do that. They may touch one person who welcomes it with no negative repercussions and then another person who doesn’t welcome it with repercussions. They are in the wrong for not gaining consent both times - it just had no negative repercussions on one occasion. Can people stop removing accountability from the do-er and blaming the receiver? It’s irrelevant if the receiver is going to respond positively or negatively - it’s the assumption and lack of consent by the doer. It’s really incredibly simple. And very telling when people don’t get it. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.
And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy. "Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me. | |||
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"Would women complain if the guy was hot and you wanted to boff him? Yes. If a guy that looked good and I was sexually attracted to then displayed the behaviour of a creep he'd no longer be fanciable...... end of. " Boom. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.
And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.
Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.
"Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said? I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.
And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.
Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.
Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?
I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important."I admit that being touched below the waist or inappropriately is wrong but there is a difference. You start saying all kind of touching is wrong, next thing it's the law and your friend just got prosecuted for sexual harassment because he stopped a woman or a man walking in front of the bus by pulling him back on the shoulder. | |||
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"What about in a noisy busy bar when someones trying to get past and you have your back to them and cant hear.. if im the one trying to pass a lady i will lightly just pat her shoulder rather than waistline, till she turns round and can see im trying to pass. Is that still inappropiate If she has her back to you she will be facing someone else and you get that person attention without touching the said person " You must lead such a slow paced perfect life, if thats how your nights out play out everytime you want to walk out a pub | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.
And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.
Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.
Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?
I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important.
I admit that being touched below the waist or inappropriately is wrong but there is a difference.
You start saying all kind of touching is wrong, next thing it's the law and your friend just got prosecuted for sexual harassment because he stopped a woman or a man walking in front of the bus by pulling him back on the shoulder."Again, you’re extrapolating and making a moot point. No single person is saying they would be more concerned about the lack of consent for touching than being saved from a road accident. Please don’t undermine an important point about consent and autonomy of a person’s own body and right to not expect touching even above the waist with disproportionate scenarios. | |||
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"Well by reading some of the replies I'm surprised people aren't walking in one of those huge bubble wrap balls you roll down a hill in when walking the streets.
And reading your reply I’m surprised at your level of comprehension and empathy.
Sorry I'm not going to make a spectacle because someone touched me on the shoulder. Or my college playfully bumped into me.
Oh dear. No one has asked you to. Do you really think that’s what’s being said?
I’m really keen that you understand the point being made and not what you think is being said - it’s important. You know I like you, but this is really, really important.
I admit that being touched below the waist or inappropriately is wrong but there is a difference.
You start saying all kind of touching is wrong, next thing it's the law and your friend just got prosecuted for sexual harassment because he stopped a woman or a man walking in front of the bus by pulling him back on the shoulder.
Again, you’re extrapolating and making a moot point. No single person is saying they would be more concerned about the lack of consent for touching than being saved from a road accident. Please don’t undermine an important point about consent and autonomy of a person’s own body and right to not expect touching even above the waist with disproportionate scenarios."Oh believe me, there would 100% be scenarios where people would see you got to jail after you just saved their life. I understand what your point is but to effectively have it as an automatic stance not to touch anyone ever at all unless its emergency or given verbal consent (which in itself would be very difficult to define) it's ridiculous to me. Go too far to the right or left and you'll cause chaos. P.S. I'm not saying it's ok to touch someone inappropriately, but to not ever touch anyone without verbal consent is also not good. | |||
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"I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable. I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant." | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that?" There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... " Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?" I don't think it's just women... I know people that are just tactile in everything and everyone but no harm meant ... if it was creeping me out I'd say something.... but I don't find touch's like that an issue but my late father was one of those people. So used to it X | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in" Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms." Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology | |||
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"That seems a bit strict, no touching at all at work? Then why would anyone ever need to touch another person in life at all then? Are you saying that touching is only meant for reproductive purposes then? What is a colleague and close friend was crying, would you not offer them comfort? A cwtch? Why do you need to touch people at work? Don't you have friends at work? Do you only ever touch your partner or immediate family then? One of my colleagues (a straight man) hugged me only yesterday.... I'm not condoning perverts. And my opening statement showed my views, just tell as person if they overstep the mark..... Of course I have friends at work. And that’s okay - we have clear boundaries. One friend loves hugs so we hug quite often, another (who is like me) doesn’t really like people touching her so we don’t touch. It’s fine. There’s a difference between friends touching each other and random people touching you. Although I may work with someone, I.e my senior (who is female) I’d feel it would be so inappropriate if she did the random touches thing as we aren’t pally like that. There’s boundaries for everyone in life. I agree
I wasn’t meaning to disagree or challenge you or imply you condone it btw
It's cool my friend, it was just that someone said they had a strict no touching rule at work, that's all I was questioning, just seemed a bit odd, ott and open to abuse.
I'm massively big on personal space and I hate ppl getting too close unless they're well "close" to me "What happens when someone thinks they are close to you and you don't feel the same about them? This is often the case with inappropriate touching. It's a very delicate line when you are seen to be touchy feely with some and not others. Not everyone is adept at reading the cues. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology " Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. " That was a dumb response | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response " No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb." You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself " You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks | |||
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"I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable. I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant." Id say that either way it's not acceptable. I've been touched like that and I don't and didn't appreciate it. I'm actually a very tactile person with people that I know and I'm friendly with, but outside of that it's not something I'm comfortable with. I think people consider it acceptable because a guy would 'welcome' it simply because he's a guy. By extention of that, at clubs too. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks " It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... | |||
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"I get the point being made above re men/women in terms of women on the whole being physically less intimidator capable. I don’t accept it makes it okay for women to touch without consent though. See my earlier point about trauma and or a condition where touch triggers other sensations - that’s gender irrelevant. Id say that either way it's not acceptable. I've been touched like that and I don't and didn't appreciate it. I'm actually a very tactile person with people that I know and I'm friendly with, but outside of that it's not something I'm comfortable with. I think people consider it acceptable because a guy would 'welcome' it simply because he's a guy. By extention of that, at clubs too. " I stopped going to 'ordinary' night clubs because of the level of unwanted, uninvited and inappropriate touching. Just because I have my cleavage on show that does not equate to an invitation to put hands or faces on it. It's equally wrong for women to grope men in the (d runk en) belief that men will be grateful for a woman showing them interest. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... " I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it?" I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it? I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x " I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me. I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it? I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me. I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. " You do realise you are well winin your rights to refuse to go in and provide care? Go to the social services dept. and speak to them, get some proper advice instead of potentially breaking confidentiality by talking about them on a swingers site forum. | |||
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"We are close knit team at work, and we are all pretty tactile. A touch on the arm, shoulder a hug, we all do it. As for comforting someone if they are upset, my auto reaction is to give them a hug, I'd be so sad if I was told it inappropriate. Also in my area at work I am a manager of 7, 20 somethings, it is no mean feat. They are young, need a nurturer, if they get upset they will reach for a hug, I would not dream of pulling them away! "Someone reaching for a hug you are happy to give is different to you giving a hug that they don't want but feel they can't pull away from because you are their manager. Personal interaction is never straightforward but that's why (some) workplaces have rules about this. It's also a very blatant way of showing who is favoured and in the 'in group' and who isn't. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation." Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable " Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it? I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me. I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. " So it's ok for you to be upset and offended?  | |||
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I didn’t know what to do after and how weirded out and strange I felt and really hopped I won’t see him for next few days!! | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you." Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? | |||
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"Like I’m not on about someone touching your arse or boobs but just overtly tactile men in an every day environment. Like a boss that puts his hand on your shoulder or has to touch you when they’re passing. Like putting their hand on your lower back as they pass you or putting both their hands on your waist. But you just put up with it cos you don’t want to make something out of nothing but it just creeps you out all the same. Think about your every day life and if situations like the above happen, how do people handle it? I wouldn't accept this and would definitely say so x I know but to whom? I don’t have a boss, the wife is the boss, the council allocate money to her for care, she makes up the shortfall and I’m employed privately. The only people I can complain to are him directly or the wife, either way would cause massive offence and upset. I think I did do something today when he put his both hands on my hips I think I went ahhh and like shuddered and walked out the room. I do flinch every time he does it and I dart past him if I see him coming towards me and try and tuck myself against a wall or other surface but sometimes I can be hoovering and he’ll get me from behind and it’s like mate I’m fucking hoovering a room you don’t need to go near me. I dunno, just makes me think how many situations like these we ignore so as not to cause offence. " Tell him not to touch you like that and that you find it uncomfortable, or just move away from him straight away and give him a evil look to show him you don’t like it. Sound like a right dick, | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? " No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist. If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist. If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything." Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist. If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything. Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it " No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist. If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything. Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different." But no one has ever said anyone has to sign consent forms. That's something you made up. | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist. If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything. Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different. But no one has ever said anyone has to sign consent forms. That's something you made up. " Back to square one  | |||
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"Here’s another 100% stat, because you seem to like them - if people did seek consent there 100% wouldn’t be any issue. Why not strive for that? There would always be an issue even if you had to go through a 1000 screening processes and sign 100's of consent forms. For 1 simple reason, some people are and will remain assholes. And if you really want every workplace in the world, every club, every shop to be 100% consent friendly, every human would have to carry hundreds of consent forms with them at all times requiring everyone to sign it, just in case. God forbid if we would then go even further and be mindful of people with extreme fear of the colour red...and so on and on... Or just learn how to behave yourself appropriately in the situation you're in Your appropriate can be completely different to someone elses appropriate and we're back to square one. Be respectful and apologise if you upset somebody is a better stance than consent forms. Or just keep your hands to yourself...saves you the sheer indignity of an apology Can't, my word against theirs, need consent form. That was a dumb response No, that was a clever and safe response. Only because it highlights the magnitude of the issue doesn't make it dumb. You'll make your young life easier if you listen to your elders and keep your hands to yourself You'll make your elder life easier if you don't tell me how to live mine. Thanks It's mildly ironic that you're so protective of your views and requesting respect for your 'space' but you don't want to be so respectful of others... I am respectful of others. If they don't wish to be touched and express that, I'm happy to comply. If I touch them and they will be upset by it, I'll apologise and not doing it again What's ironic is getting PM's about a public debate by people who preach consent but haven't bothered to ask me whether it's ok to take such a sensitive subject into private conversation. Receiving a message on here and touching someone without knowing it's okay to do so are hardly comparable Sure as long as it fits YOUR ideologies and principles. And I've blocked you so please don't address me directly on the forums as a means of getting around the block. Thank you. Let me get this straight. You think it's OK, to say, touch women on the waist at work and put your arm round their shoulders as long as and until they tell you they don't want it? No, I don't advocate you start wrapping your arms around women's or men's (they also exist btw) shoulders or waist. If you don't understand my point by now, me explaining it further won't change anything. Well I'm thoroughly confused. I thought your point was that it's OK to touch people if they haven't said they don't want it No, I said it's okay not to have to sign consent forms to be able to touch other people, that's different. But no one has ever said anyone has to sign consent forms. That's something you made up. Back to square one "Could you point to anyone, on this thread, apart from you, who has mentioned consent forms? | |||
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