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Chatting etiquette
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just out of curiosity, when seeking a new sexual partner/play date, do you cast your net wide and filter the catches, or go fishing for them one at a time?
And with the wide net approach, do you then only engage with the first compatible person who messages/replies or do you chat with all the others who were slower to respond?
We found out the hard way that being polite/respectful to the first decent reply to my fishing winks/messages for our recent mini break MFM bonus play, isn't necessarily the best method as we were stood up and hadn't fully engaged with anyone else.
At the time, when we suspected he'd be a no show, people were advising to have a plan B, which seemed a little harsh to me. But having shit out on any action, maybe my politeness was to our detriment?
Also, does your approach alter depending on the type of meet? So if it's a specific one-off meet, such as if you're gonna new city for a short time, do you keep more of an open mind about people due to the fickle nature of some Fabs users. But when just searching for potential 'anytime' home town meets, do you concentrate on one at a time as it matters less if you're let down as there'll be plenty of other opportunities there?
This is a swinging site so nobody should expect monogamy, but is it rude to keep your options open and have back-up plans? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of curiosity, when seeking a new sexual partner/play date, do you cast your net wide and filter the catches, or go fishing for them one at a time?
And with the wide net approach, do you then only engage with the first compatible person who messages/replies or do you chat with all the others who were slower to respond?
We found out the hard way that being polite/respectful to the first decent reply to my fishing winks/messages for our recent mini break MFM bonus play, isn't necessarily the best method as we were stood up and hadn't fully engaged with anyone else.
At the time, when we suspected he'd be a no show, people were advising to have a plan B, which seemed a little harsh to me. But having shit out on any action, maybe my politeness was to our detriment?
Also, does your approach alter depending on the type of meet? So if it's a specific one-off meet, such as if you're gonna new city for a short time, do you keep more of an open mind about people due to the fickle nature of some Fabs users. But when just searching for potential 'anytime' home town meets, do you concentrate on one at a time as it matters less if you're let down as there'll be plenty of other opportunities there?
This is a swinging site so nobody should expect monogamy, but is it rude to keep your options open and have back-up plans? "
kid in a sweetshop comes to mind ,if you have or allow too many possibilities through then your ability to make a choice will be so much more difficult ,pick wisely early on that's my advice |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Plan B's are disrespectful in my opinion, I can't imagine that anyone would be pleased to be in that position.
In any situation, play isn't guaranteed but if you have your hearts set on meeting, then maybe tie your visit to a club night. That way you're less likely to be let down and you're not messing others around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We target what we want and need a social connection as well as a physical attraction. We never keep any 'hot spares' on the side in case of being stood up although we do tend to meet at clubs so being let down isn't a problem. So we only really chat to one profile at a time, the others we chat too are friends we already know from the club scene. |
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We cast our net wideish. We wouldn't go so far as to have a plan b lined up but we can't see any harm in chatting to several people at one time with a view to meeting. We fully understand if people want to approach this as a more one to one type thing but just as it's possible to enjoy the company of more than one "normal" friend it's equally possible to enjoy the company of more than one sexual friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Each person will have their own methods depending on their past experiences and then their expectations.
If I know or even sense I'm a plan B, then it's an emphatic no thank you.
I never cast my net, I used to search and look who interested me. Now however I rarely initiate a conversation because most are ignored and blocked so just time wasting on my part.
Ive the odd interested party and that suites me nicely.
I never do one off meets either. I do meet those across the water but then I do travel over there and so it still fits in with my filtering. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In our circumstances, my partner had a meeting in Cardiff so we decided to make a mini break of it with a nice hotel etc. Then we thought it would be a shame to waste child free time so I messaged a few guys I was interested in. The first one who replied seemed nice so I continued the conversation to build up rapport etc. Eventually the other guys caught up and I told them that we had found someone, do thanks anyway etc. One of them said to let him know if we were let down, but I couldn't bring myself to make a last minute booty call to plan b!
We had a lovely time just the 2 of us but it was annoying to miss out on that little bonus and I kind of wished I'd been a little more ruthless. |
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"In our circumstances, my partner had a meeting in Cardiff so we decided to make a mini break of it with a nice hotel etc. Then we thought it would be a shame to waste child free time so I messaged a few guys I was interested in. The first one who replied seemed nice so I continued the conversation to build up rapport etc. Eventually the other guys caught up and I told them that we had found someone, do thanks anyway etc. One of them said to let him know if we were let down, but I couldn't bring myself to make a last minute booty call to plan b!
We had a lovely time just the 2 of us but it was annoying to miss out on that little bonus and I kind of wished I'd been a little more ruthless."
We're not often in the position of having two compatible couples or singles we're in contact with at the same time but I genuinely can't see a problem with chatting to more than one person at the same time. As I said we wouldn't have a plan b available and neither would you it seems. Plenty on here chat with loads of people |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I use myself as live bait.. flail around a bit in the Forum and see what attention I attract. "
Such a sexual image conjured up there. 
I cast my net wide and it normally narrows down to one of two through fizzling, compatibility etc. I think people can tell when they are Plan Bs etc but if you're clear on it I guess it's not *that* bad.
Right now I find myself going back to London semi frequently with work. I'm only really interested in building a connection  with one or two so that's what I do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I use myself as live bait.. flail around a bit in the Forum and see what attention I attract.
Such a sexual image conjured up there.
I cast my net wide and it normally narrows down to one of two through fizzling, compatibility etc. I think people can tell when they are Plan Bs etc but if you're clear on it I guess it's not *that* bad.
Right now I find myself going back to London semi frequently with work. I'm only really interested in building a connection with one or two so that's what I do."
Hey.. You no like-a my flailing? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I actually don't have a Plan A let alone a Plan B!! I tend to chat to people not with a view to meeting them, but with a view to getting to know them, and see how things develop from there.
If I subsequently arrange to meet someone it'll be planned in advance and if for some reason plans had to change for the date we'd agreed then I wouldn't look for an alternative for that date.
I may be chatting to, and meeting, more than one person at a time but they would all be distinctly different from one another in terms of planning dates etc.
That said if I were in your position OP I don't think there's any harm in having a Plan B and chatting and getting to know more than one person, perhaps keeping one more on the back burner than the other but there is probably a distinct moment before the planned date when you have to make a decision.
Or as someone else suggested plan to go to a club so if you're chosen meet let's you down you still have other options. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was chatting and aiming to meet a man, and by chance another man started chatting who also appealed. I would just mention to the second man that I was presently organising a social with someone, and if the social did not progress with no compatibility, would he mind if I popped him on my hottest for now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have stopped actively looking for meets.
I may instigate chat because of the forums but unless we really click, I won't even hint at meeting as it is just too complex an operation to get diaries and locations to align. Which is a real shame as I'm chatting with absolutely amazing people!
Now if only ladies were a little more direct and would cast their net in my direction, they may find I'm quite responsive  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I use myself as live bait.. flail around a bit in the Forum and see what attention I attract.
Forum fodder approach, how's it working for ya? "
Better than most other things.. I've made some new online friends. Flirted blatantly and openly, though.. I'm still alone in bed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That is the main problem I get with the site. It’s impossible, for me, to split my attention equally. I could have 3 or 4 guys that look like people I want to meet and then it’s how do you go about prioritising them. I only want one so it just results in me not picking anyone. You could think you want to meet a particular person but then one of the others could say something and it appeals to you more.
It is hard. I imagine it would be easier if you’re looking for lots of sexual experiences, then you could just say to each person that you’ve made plans with someone already but would be free the following week and keep it going till you’ve met all the people you wanted to meet.
It’s easier just to not meet anyone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That is the main problem I get with the site. It’s impossible, for me, to split my attention equally. I could have 3 or 4 guys that look like people I want to meet and then it’s how do you go about prioritising them. I only want one so it just results in me not picking anyone. You could think you want to meet a particular person but then one of the others could say something and it appeals to you more.
It is hard. I imagine it would be easier if you’re looking for lots of sexual experiences, then you could just say to each person that you’ve made plans with someone already but would be free the following week and keep it going till you’ve met all the people you wanted to meet.
It’s easier just to not meet anyone!"
You could have your pick. You're just shit at picking  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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https://youtu.be/rQjh9H-ymK4
I wonder how many people on here would knowingly accept being a plan b? And if they don't know isn't it just a little manipulative and dishonest? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"https://youtu.be/rQjh9H-ymK4
I wonder how many people on here would knowingly accept being a plan b? And if they don't know isn't it just a little manipulative and dishonest?"
For me it would be an "it depends" answer - if it was someone I had been chatting to for some time and possibly met previously, and they contacted me saying they'd been let down and did I fancy meeting up instead - then, personal circumstances allowing, I'd not feel offended or manipulated.
If it was someone I barely knew though I might feel differently.
I would however think there are a lot of people on here who wouldn't give it a second thought and would be straight there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always went looking, we never sat around waiting for messages. We'd mail people who matched the scenario we wanted to achieve.
Then from the ones who actually replied we'd chat and see if they fancied the scenario we had in mind.
That usually ended up reducing it to a couple of people options and we'd arrange something with whoever fancied it on the dates we could all manage.
We never got stood up and we always achieved the scenarios we'd hoped for. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"https://youtu.be/rQjh9H-ymK4
I wonder how many people on here would knowingly accept being a plan b? And if they don't know isn't it just a little manipulative and dishonest?
For me it would be an "it depends" answer - if it was someone I had been chatting to for some time and possibly met previously, and they contacted me saying they'd been let down and did I fancy meeting up instead - then, personal circumstances allowing, I'd not feel offended or manipulated.
If it was someone I barely knew though I might feel differently.
I would however think there are a lot of people on here who wouldn't give it a second thought and would be straight there."
I agree with this, I've had exactly this scenario in the past of being let down. If it's a friend then it's acceptable, so long as you're both clear about the situation.
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"https://youtu.be/rQjh9H-ymK4
I wonder how many people on here would knowingly accept being a plan b? And if they don't know isn't it just a little manipulative and dishonest?"
Dont go there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"https://youtu.be/rQjh9H-ymK4
I wonder how many people on here would knowingly accept being a plan b? And if they don't know isn't it just a little manipulative and dishonest?"
Hell i don't like being part of a choice nevermind plan B |
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