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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.
But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.
So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.
Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.
He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.
He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.
He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.
And guess what it has in its mouth?
A brick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.
But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.
So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.
Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.
He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.
He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.
He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.
And guess what it has in its mouth?
A brick."
how  ?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.
But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.
So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.
Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.
He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.
He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.
He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.
And guess what it has in its mouth?
A brick.
how ? "
The third guy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.
But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.
So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.
Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.
He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.
He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.
He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.
And guess what it has in its mouth?
A brick.
how ?
The third guy."
yea the guy with the parrot |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.
But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.
So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.
Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.
He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.
He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.
He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.
And guess what it has in its mouth?
A brick.
how ?
The third guy.
yea the guy with the parrot "
The parrot has the brick the third guy threw in the air, it never came down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's 3 guys and they found a pile of bricks, and they want to see who can throw a brick the highest.
But looking straight up in the air, they won't be able to see, so they throw it above a mud patch so whoever's brick sinks the most, threw it the highest.
So the first guy throws a brick and it sinks a little, the second guy throws a brick and it sinks a little more, and then the third guy throws a brick.
Another joke I like to tell is, there is a woman who wants to book a travel to her mother but she wants to bring her parrot. Thing is, she can only afford a no smoking, no parrots ticket. So she thinks she's clever puts the parrot in her jumper with some food and sneaks it onto the plane. Everything is going smoothly they're high up in the air and the Pilot strolls through the Isle smoking a big cigar and saying hello to everybody.
He comes up to the lady and asks her how is the flight, she says it's going ok and then her parrot makes a noise.
He asks what was that and she says it was nothing, the parrot makes a noise again and the pilot tells her she has a parrot in her jumper. She denies it, so he grabs it from under her hoody, says she's not allowed to have a parrot on this flight and throws it out the window. The lady is infuriated, grabs his cigar and throws it out the window, saying he's not allowed to smoke on this flight.
He's angry storms off to the cockpit, pilots the plane and then hears a knock on the window. He turns and sees the parrot knocking at the window.
And guess what it has in its mouth?
A brick.
how ?
The third guy.
yea the guy with the parrot
The parrot has the brick the third guy threw in the air, it never came down."
so who's jumper was it?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At school we had a teacher with no arms no legs and no body.
We called him the Head.
We had another teacher that also had no arms, legs or body, but he wore a pork pie hat.
We called him Mr Williams. |
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One day an unusual customer walks into a pub. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limited edition Ferrari parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.
The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone in the pub a drink. He pays for it from a roll of £50 notes and manages to get the attention of all the ladies in the pub, despite having an orange for a head. The barman was curious and he feels compelled to ask about this man's life. "Excuse me," says the barman, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistible to women, but you have an orange for a head. How on earth did that happen?" So the man told his story.
"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would grant me three wishes. For my first wish I asked for unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there. For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted". The barman, amazed at the story, couldn't hold in his excitement any longer "And the last wish?" he asked.
The man took a swig of his drink, and then said "I asked to have an orange for a head." |
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its so shit its art 