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Money matters...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think? "
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument. 
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account."
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on "
But should she get to spend the same on herself? He's working for money for the whole family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
But should she get to spend the same on herself? He's working for money for the whole family. "
of corse yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
But should she get to spend the same on herself? He's working for money for the whole family. "
I imagine they are saving a fortune on childcare costs if she's not "working" Maybe they should calculate those costs and see it as salary savings!
I think she shouldn't feel she can't spend on herself as that indicates it's not an equal partnership.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I appreciate things are different now but it is meant to be a partnership, why is anyone thinking well you spent this so I can spend that.
Most odd"
PS it sounds a bit like children sharing out sweets and woe betide one getting more than the other  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I appreciate things are different now but it is meant to be a partnership, why is anyone thinking well you spent this so I can spend that.
Most odd"
Yeah I probably made it a bit too simplistic. The conversation came up over her spending money on girls night out which obviously cost a bit more but was a one off, she rarely spends anything on herself and nothing like the amount he spends on food each week. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"His money his choice I suppose. Whether she should get the same is down to the individual discussion. "
But why is it "his" money? They're a family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"His money his choice I suppose. Whether she should get the same is down to the individual discussion.
But why is it "his" money? They're a family. "
because she will no doubt get a top up from the government |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
But should she get to spend the same on herself? He's working for money for the whole family.
I imagine they are saving a fortune on childcare costs if she's not "working" Maybe they should calculate those costs and see it as salary savings!
I think she shouldn't feel she can't spend on herself as that indicates it's not an equal partnership.
"
Exactly. The only reason she doesn't work is because they would be worse off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"His money his choice I suppose. Whether she should get the same is down to the individual discussion.
But why is it "his" money? They're a family. because she will no doubt get a top up from the government "
No. They get a top up. The family, it's not "her money". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn’t say it’s spending on himself, but sounds as though she wants to justify spending the same on herself. Not in a bad way but perhaps they should talk and let her have a budget for herself if they can afford it. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I appreciate things are different now but it is meant to be a partnership, why is anyone thinking well you spent this so I can spend that.
Most odd"
That’s my thought 
I work less hours and earn less that KingC4611. He goes out for lunch most days, whereas I’m at home for lunch so I can easily make something. He sometimes does take lunch in.
Not once have we ever argued about ‘my money’ ‘your money’ or anything of the sort. Even before we lived together and we both worked, it was ‘our’ money. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"His money his choice I suppose. Whether she should get the same is down to the individual discussion.
But why is it "his" money? They're a family. "
Its not his its theres, the mum works as hard as him most likely if not hearder theres no clocking of for mumsy. So why is it all his? If paid child care to her theres no arguments is there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn’t say it’s spending on himself, but sounds as though she wants to justify spending the same on herself. Not in a bad way but perhaps they should talk and let her have a budget for herself if they can afford it. X "
Yeah I did simplify it a bit. The debate happened over a one off spend for her. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I appreciate things are different now but it is meant to be a partnership, why is anyone thinking well you spent this so I can spend that.
Most odd
Yeah I probably made it a bit too simplistic. The conversation came up over her spending money on girls night out which obviously cost a bit more but was a one off, she rarely spends anything on herself and nothing like the amount he spends on food each week. "
I still don't get it... I assume they agreed the woman stays at home while he works? In which case it is a partnership, including not having to ask can you spend money if you want it.
If they are on a budget and can't afford to buy dinners outside or go out for a night out then that's different but if it isn't the case then I don't get the arguing over who is spending what |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that. "
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he’s spending say £10 a day on food whilst he’s at work, that’ll be £200 a month if he does 5 days a week.
Does that mean she can spend £200 on herself? No I don’t believe that’s fair tbh. He is working to provide for his family so deserves a bit of luxury whilst at work in the way of decent food.
But then if they’re having money problems, he should be making a packed lunch at home.
That’s just my opinion so don’t shoot me down lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think? "
Given shes unemployed why doesnt she make his meals for work? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home. "
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on "
She's working at home looking after him, the house, kids end so she should be able to buy lunch now and then too even though she doesn't get paid for her labour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house"
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
Given shes unemployed why doesnt she make his meals for work?"
As it says further up the thread, he is apparently fussy |
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If things are tight at home it's an issue.... Because it's a family unit.
The food that's in the house that she eats isn't free, but costs less. If he's fussy then there's fuck all you can do about it. Maybe she could do some work from home stuff to tide her over and then she can do what she wants with it, as someone else said earlier she's not working so they are saving on childcare costs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I appreciate things are different now but it is meant to be a partnership, why is anyone thinking well you spent this so I can spend that.
Most odd
Yeah I probably made it a bit too simplistic. The conversation came up over her spending money on girls night out which obviously cost a bit more but was a one off, she rarely spends anything on herself and nothing like the amount he spends on food each week.
I still don't get it... I assume they agreed the woman stays at home while he works? In which case it is a partnership, including not having to ask can you spend money if you want it.
If they are on a budget and can't afford to buy dinners outside or go out for a night out then that's different but if it isn't the case then I don't get the arguing over who is spending what"
They are on a budget to which she has to work around the costs of the kids and house and rarely spends any on herself. It just came up in conversation the amount he spends on himself and whether it is justified if he gets grumpy at her going out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house"
Kids are messy fucks. My little cousins (twins age six) can stay for a night and I’ll be cleaning their mess/tidying for a day or two after. And that’s even with ‘right tidy up your mess!’ Which they do.
If the kids go to school, they also come home from school, and that’s maybe 3.15-8pm of mess that can be made  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home. "
But she can eat at home and make what she wants. He’s not exactly spending it on beer with his mates. He’s feeding himself while he’s working long hours. It’s hardly a luxury and he has no choice as needs to eat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Kids are messy fucks. My little cousins (twins age six) can stay for a night and I’ll be cleaning their mess/tidying for a day or two after. And that’s even with ‘right tidy up your mess!’ Which they do.
If the kids go to school, they also come home from school, and that’s maybe 3.15-8pm of mess that can be made "
Plus washing, ironing, hoovering, basic household chores everyone does....
It can be a full time job, when you have kids |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without knowing all the facts...
He works to provide for the family. He spends a proportion of this on sustinence to enable him to keep working. He could take a packed lunch but, by choice, eats out. She, who is maintaining the family home, can choose to eat out or prepare something at home.
Once we get into the pissing match of comparing meals to nights out, it will never end well. It screams of resentment on either side.
She is arguably seeking nights out as respite from being housebound. This is absolutely vital for her well being.
If things are that tight that they are squabling over meals / nights out, they need to talk and decide a compromise.
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
But she can eat at home and make what she wants. He’s not exactly spending it on beer with his mates. He’s feeding himself while he’s working long hours. It’s hardly a luxury and he has no choice as needs to eat. "
This too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If things are tight at home it's an issue.... Because it's a family unit.
The food that's in the house that she eats isn't free, but costs less. If he's fussy then there's fuck all you can do about it. Maybe she could do some work from home stuff to tide her over and then she can do what she wants with it, as someone else said earlier she's not working so they are saving on childcare costs"
Yeah she has looked into it but there are very few work from home jobs that would actually fit into her life and be profitable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Kids are messy fucks. My little cousins (twins age six) can stay for a night and I’ll be cleaning their mess/tidying for a day or two after. And that’s even with ‘right tidy up your mess!’ Which they do.
If the kids go to school, they also come home from school, and that’s maybe 3.15-8pm of mess that can be made
Plus washing, ironing, hoovering, basic household chores everyone does....
It can be a full time job, when you have kids "
Homework, after school clubs, friends coming round to play, taking kids to the park or swimming after school. A lot of dad's I knew left all that to the mum.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think? "
I go through phases of doing one or the other. I'm out on the road a lot so temptation is everywhere but you can save a small fortune (not to mention eat healthier) by avoiding the cafes and preparing at home.
5 quid for a coffee with a postage stamp sized brownie cake gets ridiculous if taken on a regular basis. It's hard to deal with the boredom of spam sandwiches though when there's so much choice out there.
Who gets what is their issue but if they tried self-preparing for a month and put what they would have spent in a jar, I'm sure they'd see sense. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
"
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There seems to be something wrong here. They are a couple, they decided to have children and for her to stay at home.
If he doesn't like her spending money, is he willing to pay childcare?
When you are a family, your money and my money ceases to exist, it is our money |
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"If things are tight at home it's an issue.... Because it's a family unit.
The food that's in the house that she eats isn't free, but costs less. If he's fussy then there's fuck all you can do about it. Maybe she could do some work from home stuff to tide her over and then she can do what she wants with it, as someone else said earlier she's not working so they are saving on childcare costs
Yeah she has looked into it but there are very few work from home jobs that would actually fit into her life and be profitable. "
Very few means some..... She needs to sit down and relate to herself something that she loves doing, and then see if there's a potential revenue stream. I'm not talking network marketing, because that's life consuming anyway, but there's got to be something arty or crafty that she could perhaps do (I have friends who do this kind of thing around kids and home life) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If things are tight at home it's an issue.... Because it's a family unit.
The food that's in the house that she eats isn't free, but costs less. If he's fussy then there's fuck all you can do about it. Maybe she could do some work from home stuff to tide her over and then she can do what she wants with it, as someone else said earlier she's not working so they are saving on childcare costs
Yeah she has looked into it but there are very few work from home jobs that would actually fit into her life and be profitable. "
And, would her husband take over some of the household duties while she works?
My son in law does as much cooking, shopping, laundry and cleaning as my daughter because he's home when she isn't.
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
But should she get to spend the same on herself? He's working for money for the whole family. "
Sounds a bit tit for tat, he has to work/eat it's not classed as a treat to have a sandwich at lunch whereas buying clothes are much more a treat than necessity.
Maybe both should have an equal disposable bit to spend on treats. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
"
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There seems to be something wrong here. They are a couple, they decided to have children and for her to stay at home.
If he doesn't like her spending money, is he willing to pay childcare?
When you are a family, your money and my money ceases to exist, it is our money"
You get 35 hours a week child care from.the government |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If things are tight at home it's an issue.... Because it's a family unit.
The food that's in the house that she eats isn't free, but costs less. If he's fussy then there's fuck all you can do about it. Maybe she could do some work from home stuff to tide her over and then she can do what she wants with it, as someone else said earlier she's not working so they are saving on childcare costs
Yeah she has looked into it but there are very few work from home jobs that would actually fit into her life and be profitable.
And, would her husband take over some of the household duties while she works?
My son in law does as much cooking, shopping, laundry and cleaning as my daughter because he's home when she isn't.
"
That's a whole other debate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long. "
Exactly, in a little spare time she could make him sole lovley cheap meals so he doesnt eat out increasing thier disposable income (it can be as simple as scaling up the evening meal by a portion or two so not cooking something special).
My take away from this is the "girls night out" not a couples night out etc its girls night.
From my view of mainly seeing the husbands side of things through work friends girls night raises a lot of issues and koney may simply be a convenient excuse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house"
No but it is to run a family mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long. "
I'm going by my experience as a stay at home mum with 3 children If
and during the day, even without my disabled sister to look after, I had no time to myself. I did do all the gardening, all the shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, Bill paying, car washing and maintenance, washing 13 windows and I didn't make convenience food. Maybe I over did it. I would be up at 5.30 am to get my husband up for work and make his lunch (he wouldn't have dreamed of paying for expensive lunches) and most nights I didn't sit down until 9pm. Some nights I would be up until 1 am doing costumes and scenery. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think? "
Who cares |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking"
I'm assuming you live alone so those 4 rooms haven't been subject to children? Neither have your bathroom, kitchen, living room, dining room. I can assure you those buggers can make mess in places you least expect. She also has to do the never ending laundry, shop, prepare meals.....the list is endless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
I'm going by my experience as a stay at home mum with 3 children If
and during the day, even without my disabled sister to look after, I had no time to myself. I did do all the gardening, all the shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, Bill paying, car washing and maintenance, washing 13 windows and I didn't make convenience food. Maybe I over did it. I would be up at 5.30 am to get my husband up for work and make his lunch (he wouldn't have dreamed of paying for expensive lunches) and most nights I didn't sit down until 9pm. Some nights I would be up until 1 am doing costumes and scenery. "
In the new millennium "bill paying" is automatic :p |
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By *9bottMan
over a year ago
chester |
What s was the point of getting together, getting married and having kids? She shouldn't make the decision to be stayed home mum if they can agree on basics...her boyfriend seems to be a very peculiar creature .It sounds to me like they are not compatible at all...maybe she should shift some responsibilities to his side so he can enjoy time with his kids at home,she can find some part time employment and get her own money. Problem solved. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking"
In my case I used to clean up in time for Robert Kilroy-Silk ( younger people will probably have to google ) eat my toast watching him then be bored so go out. I got a job as I was too bored. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
Exactly, in a little spare time she could make him sole lovley cheap meals so he doesnt eat out increasing thier disposable income (it can be as simple as scaling up the evening meal by a portion or two so not cooking something special).
My take away from this is the "girls night out" not a couples night out etc its girls night.
From my view of mainly seeing the husbands side of things through work friends girls night raises a lot of issues and koney may simply be a convenient excuse"
I was wondering that. When my kids grew up and my sister died I went out to work and my husband hated it. He put all the bills in my name so I had little left for myself, then refused to give me money when I wanted to go out with my friends. It's now considered domestic abuse to control someone with money. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
Who cares"
Thanks for your input  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What s was the point of getting together, getting married and having kids? She shouldn't make the decision to be stayed home mum if they can agree on basics...her boyfriend seems to be a very peculiar creature .It sounds to me like they are not compatible at all...maybe she should shift some responsibilities to his side so he can enjoy time with his kids at home,she can find some part time employment and get her own money. Problem solved. "
He works all over so her getting a job isn't really feasible, his work schedule is not at all set so she couldn't commit to set hours per week.
I don't think a slight disagreement about what counts as personal spending makes them incompatible though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
I'm going by my experience as a stay at home mum with 3 children If
and during the day, even without my disabled sister to look after, I had no time to myself. I did do all the gardening, all the shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, Bill paying, car washing and maintenance, washing 13 windows and I didn't make convenience food. Maybe I over did it. I would be up at 5.30 am to get my husband up for work and make his lunch (he wouldn't have dreamed of paying for expensive lunches) and most nights I didn't sit down until 9pm. Some nights I would be up until 1 am doing costumes and scenery.
In the new millennium "bill paying" is automatic :p"
It wasn't back then, but she might not be paying the bills anyway.
If he's happy for her to be a home maker she should be rewarded for it.
I went on strike for two weeks once and by the end of it my husband was practically begging me to stop. The rooms he used were a tip, he had lots of washing piled up and was eating frozen food and takeaways. He begged me to end my strike  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
Exactly, in a little spare time she could make him sole lovley cheap meals so he doesnt eat out increasing thier disposable income (it can be as simple as scaling up the evening meal by a portion or two so not cooking something special).
My take away from this is the "girls night out" not a couples night out etc its girls night.
From my view of mainly seeing the husbands side of things through work friends girls night raises a lot of issues and koney may simply be a convenient excuse
I was wondering that. When my kids grew up and my sister died I went out to work and my husband hated it. He put all the bills in my name so I had little left for myself, then refused to give me money when I wanted to go out with my friends. It's now considered domestic abuse to control someone with money. "
Yeah ok not that level of creepy its more the "is she gonna be cheating on me" side of things.
And i hate to say it but the wife going out with the girls does seem to actually end that way in many cases.
Guys get insecure and as you say try to deal with it by being controlling.
To the op for your friend she may find it benificial if he comes on a few of these nights (mixed not just girls) just so he can see how she acts.
We all think of everyone operating on tbe same mind set we do.
And men know that if we went out and a beautiful woman hit on us many of us would have second thoughts even if there was a wife at home and they think you think exavtly the same.
The difference being tjey know a handoame.guy will hit on you but the beautiful girl is just a fantasy
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
I'm going by my experience as a stay at home mum with 3 children If
and during the day, even without my disabled sister to look after, I had no time to myself. I did do all the gardening, all the shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, Bill paying, car washing and maintenance, washing 13 windows and I didn't make convenience food. Maybe I over did it. I would be up at 5.30 am to get my husband up for work and make his lunch (he wouldn't have dreamed of paying for expensive lunches) and most nights I didn't sit down until 9pm. Some nights I would be up until 1 am doing costumes and scenery.
In the new millennium "bill paying" is automatic :p
It wasn't back then, but she might not be paying the bills anyway.
If he's happy for her to be a home maker she should be rewarded for it.
I went on strike for two weeks once and by the end of it my husband was practically begging me to stop. The rooms he used were a tip, he had lots of washing piled up and was eating frozen food and takeaways. He begged me to end my strike "
Im surprised he didnt just spend the 30-60 quid a week on a cleaner. Gotta be cheaper than feeding clothing and housing another human being |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking
In my case I used to clean up in time for Robert Kilroy-Silk ( younger people will probably have to google ) eat my toast watching him then be bored so go out. I got a job as I was too bored."
Yeah but i last cleaned in december and my Y Chromosome makes me.inherently inferior in this regard :p |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
Exactly, in a little spare time she could make him sole lovley cheap meals so he doesnt eat out increasing thier disposable income (it can be as simple as scaling up the evening meal by a portion or two so not cooking something special).
My take away from this is the "girls night out" not a couples night out etc its girls night.
From my view of mainly seeing the husbands side of things through work friends girls night raises a lot of issues and koney may simply be a convenient excuse
I was wondering that. When my kids grew up and my sister died I went out to work and my husband hated it. He put all the bills in my name so I had little left for myself, then refused to give me money when I wanted to go out with my friends. It's now considered domestic abuse to control someone with money.
Yeah ok not that level of creepy its more the "is she gonna be cheating on me" side of things.
And i hate to say it but the wife going out with the girls does seem to actually end that way in many cases.
Guys get insecure and as you say try to deal with it by being controlling.
To the op for your friend she may find it benificial if he comes on a few of these nights (mixed not just girls) just so he can see how she acts.
We all think of everyone operating on tbe same mind set we do.
And men know that if we went out and a beautiful woman hit on us many of us would have second thoughts even if there was a wife at home and they think you think exavtly the same.
The difference being tjey know a handoame.guy will hit on you but the beautiful girl is just a fantasy
"
Oh he's been on plenty of nights out and is also not daft enough to think the way she acts on a mixed night is different to a girls night.
I'm 99% sure it's not about the going out although the fact he has to watch the kids might factor! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If he's taking care of the family expenses then there's no reason to complain unless he's enjoying a higher quality of life than the rest of the family unrelated to the actual job. If that were the case then he should make sure his wife enjoys the same quality of food as he enjoys. Each should have some spending money for themselves, so if the lady at home wants to treat herself she has that option to eat like he does.
If his meals during the working day are just meals and not extravagant luxuries then it should not be seen as him spending money on himself, rather, it's an expense, same as travel expenses to and from work. If it is affecting the quality of life for the family, meaning that they suffer because he's spending too much on food then better meal planning needs to happen and she has a right to complain, within reason, to see if there is a reasonable solution that isn't an added unbearable burden for him during the work day. That solution can easily involve her preparing his meals to take with him if they are financially pressed. I was about to say that home cooked food is better quality anyway but that isn't exactly true for everyone hah. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day. "
Send him my way 
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
Exactly, in a little spare time she could make him sole lovley cheap meals so he doesnt eat out increasing thier disposable income (it can be as simple as scaling up the evening meal by a portion or two so not cooking something special).
My take away from this is the "girls night out" not a couples night out etc its girls night.
From my view of mainly seeing the husbands side of things through work friends girls night raises a lot of issues and koney may simply be a convenient excuse
I was wondering that. When my kids grew up and my sister died I went out to work and my husband hated it. He put all the bills in my name so I had little left for myself, then refused to give me money when I wanted to go out with my friends. It's now considered domestic abuse to control someone with money.
Yeah ok not that level of creepy its more the "is she gonna be cheating on me" side of things.
And i hate to say it but the wife going out with the girls does seem to actually end that way in many cases.
Guys get insecure and as you say try to deal with it by being controlling.
To the op for your friend she may find it benificial if he comes on a few of these nights (mixed not just girls) just so he can see how she acts.
We all think of everyone operating on tbe same mind set we do.
And men know that if we went out and a beautiful woman hit on us many of us would have second thoughts even if there was a wife at home and they think you think exavtly the same.
The difference being tjey know a handoame.guy will hit on you but the beautiful girl is just a fantasy
Oh he's been on plenty of nights out and is also not daft enough to think the way she acts on a mixed night is different to a girls night.
I'm 99% sure it's not about the going out although the fact he has to watch the kids might factor! "
He sounds like a bit of a dick to be honest with ya (in my opinion) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking
In my case I used to clean up in time for Robert Kilroy-Silk ( younger people will probably have to google ) eat my toast watching him then be bored so go out. I got a job as I was too bored.
Yeah but i last cleaned in december and my Y Chromosome makes me.inherently inferior in this regard :p"
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day. "
Food thermos flask is a great addition soups, stews, ramen etc.
A good old fashioned manwich (lad in work literally buys a tiger loaf and makes it into one giant sandwich) a nice ham.cooked on su fay makes a weeks worth of super meaty sandwiches for about 5-8 quid vs 4 quid fir 8 slices of precooked ham.
Pasta bakes in glass Tupperware is excelent for high powered works canteen microwaves
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day. "
I work away lots and live out of restaurants etc. Some times it can be nice but there’s nothing like being able to come home and cook. Eating out is not as much fun as it seems, it gets boring. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day.
Send him my way
"
He doesn't wash up or do housework.
|
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home. "
Send the kids out to work stuff it .
Then she can get a proper job |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking
In my case I used to clean up in time for Robert Kilroy-Silk ( younger people will probably have to google ) eat my toast watching him then be bored so go out. I got a job as I was too bored.
Yeah but i last cleaned in december and my Y Chromosome makes me.inherently inferior in this regard :p
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow "
Did you do that every single day?
Admitedly now days thwre are cheats like Geoffrey doing the vacuuming while i do the pans and the dish washer does the plates |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
Send the kids out to work stuff it .
Then she can get a proper job "
Ah yes. Hello my beautiful two year old, it’s time for you to get a job. I’ve loaded up indeed, get your CV up to date |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
She's working too."
So hire a house keeper and then assuming she can work for.more than minimums wage problem.solved |
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
Send the kids out to work stuff it .
Then she can get a proper job
Ah yes. Hello my beautiful two year old, it’s time for you to get a job. I’ve loaded up indeed, get your CV up to date "
That’s just ridiculous,,, at least wait till he or she is 4 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
Do you think? When mine were at school I got a job because I was bored after doing what needed doing in the house, which didn't take long.
Exactly, in a little spare time she could make him sole lovley cheap meals so he doesnt eat out increasing thier disposable income (it can be as simple as scaling up the evening meal by a portion or two so not cooking something special).
My take away from this is the "girls night out" not a couples night out etc its girls night.
From my view of mainly seeing the husbands side of things through work friends girls night raises a lot of issues and koney may simply be a convenient excuse
I was wondering that. When my kids grew up and my sister died I went out to work and my husband hated it. He put all the bills in my name so I had little left for myself, then refused to give me money when I wanted to go out with my friends. It's now considered domestic abuse to control someone with money.
Yeah ok not that level of creepy its more the "is she gonna be cheating on me" side of things.
And i hate to say it but the wife going out with the girls does seem to actually end that way in many cases.
Guys get insecure and as you say try to deal with it by being controlling.
To the op for your friend she may find it benificial if he comes on a few of these nights (mixed not just girls) just so he can see how she acts.
We all think of everyone operating on tbe same mind set we do.
And men know that if we went out and a beautiful woman hit on us many of us would have second thoughts even if there was a wife at home and they think you think exavtly the same.
The difference being tjey know a handoame.guy will hit on you but the beautiful girl is just a fantasy
Oh he's been on plenty of nights out and is also not daft enough to think the way she acts on a mixed night is different to a girls night.
I'm 99% sure it's not about the going out although the fact he has to watch the kids might factor! "
If he knows she doesnt act different then thats the reassurance
People are simple yet complex things like being shown a person does exactly what we actualy think they would do comforts us far more.than we care to admit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is the whole reason I don't want a relationship or kids... I'm not successful in life so if I did have a relationship or kids it would be heartbreaking to not be able to give them that money to help themselves....
I'd only get into a relationship or have kids when I feel I'm in a good paying job to support such a thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day.
Send him my way
He doesn't wash up or do housework.
"
That's ok I like doing those. I get a bit grumpy when other people don't do them to my standard anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking
In my case I used to clean up in time for Robert Kilroy-Silk ( younger people will probably have to google ) eat my toast watching him then be bored so go out. I got a job as I was too bored.
Yeah but i last cleaned in december and my Y Chromosome makes me.inherently inferior in this regard :p
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow
Did you do that every single day?
Admitedly now days thwre are cheats like Geoffrey doing the vacuuming while i do the pans and the dish washer does the plates "
Not the windows, but I did two a week as I had 13 of them and wasn't allowed a window cleaner. The stairs I did 2/3 times a week and we didn't have a dishwasher. There were 6 of us and I had a few extra loads of washing as my sister was incontinent. Including her room downstairs I had 5 bedrooms to vacuum and clean and 3 other beds to change twice a week.
Maybe I did do too much, but even with two children it's still not a walk in the park if you cook from scratch and clean under your sofa cushions, do the high dusting and skirting and clean cupboards regularly. I probably didn't need to do that did I. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Looking at it from his point of view though; if he's working long hours a packed lunch isn't going to be enough.
Sitting down to a proper meal will be better than a sandwich or cold pasta and whatever.
Saying that, my son is working double shifts and I make him proper meals that he takes with him, but there's no canteen. He refuses to buy food out and he does give me money to go out with now and then.
As he says "You look after me, so I look after you ".
He'll make a great husband some day.
Send him my way
He doesn't wash up or do housework.
That's ok I like doing those. I get a bit grumpy when other people don't do them to my standard anyway. "
Right, give me your number and I'll start packing up his belongings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
How much "looking after" does a home need. When kids arw in day care/school thats 35+ hours a week of sitting around at home.
It is not a full time job to keep a house
Oh dear, you really have no idea lol
So what does a stay at home mum do for the 6 hours a day the kids are at school?
Cause its taken me less than 6 hours to sort my whole 4 bed house while drinking
In my case I used to clean up in time for Robert Kilroy-Silk ( younger people will probably have to google ) eat my toast watching him then be bored so go out. I got a job as I was too bored.
Yeah but i last cleaned in december and my Y Chromosome makes me.inherently inferior in this regard :p
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow
Did you do that every single day?
Admitedly now days thwre are cheats like Geoffrey doing the vacuuming while i do the pans and the dish washer does the plates
Not the windows, but I did two a week as I had 13 of them and wasn't allowed a window cleaner. The stairs I did 2/3 times a week and we didn't have a dishwasher. There were 6 of us and I had a few extra loads of washing as my sister was incontinent. Including her room downstairs I had 5 bedrooms to vacuum and clean and 3 other beds to change twice a week.
Maybe I did do too much, but even with two children it's still not a walk in the park if you cook from scratch and clean under your sofa cushions, do the high dusting and skirting and clean cupboards regularly. I probably didn't need to do that did I. "
You definitly did too much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The way we live is it’s ‘our’ money but then we both work but even when I wasn’t for a short period and our only income was Ads, he would still say it’s ‘our money’ the only time it’s a bit different is when it comes to paying maintenance, when I wasn’t working I didn’t expect him to pay my maintenance to my kids dad and likewise if the boot was on the other foot I wouldn’t pay it for him but that said, we are now sharing a wage so it comes out the same pot.
Does your friend get any money from her husband (I mean some could call it ‘pocket money’) if she is staying at home with the kids? Does she have any money for herself? I can totally see her argument in this but at the same time even with a fussy eater, they could still save money every day by her (or him) making his own food.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the money she was spending in herself was out of necessity then yes. Otherwise no.
He has to eat and if he works long hours then food prep is probably the last thing on his mind when he gets home.
I don't like paying for lunch at work, but some days i just want to do things other than making lunch for the next day or few days once I'm home from work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it. "
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly"
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it. "
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over."
But evwrything going in is his |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house. "
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more "
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)"
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)"
Shockingly our law works that a person gets an equitable share of what they paid for.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!! "
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over.
But evwrything going in is his"
He could pay her for the work she does for him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over.
But evwrything going in is his
He could pay her for the work she does for him. "
So 30 quid a week? Going rate for a cleaner? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later"
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person. "
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person. "
Who said claim? I said pay for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so. "
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage. "
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses. "
I left my last marriage with exactly what I put into it. Straight forward divorce and no fighting over financial stuff. Very amicable. I would never want more than what was mine either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Surely the money he spends on that food she is saving from the weekly food shop bill?"
Restaurant food will be more expensive and she won't feel the saving if she isn't given a set amount of money to spend. He'll be saving money, she won't have it, even if it was cheaper. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses. "
That is not nice, you don't the reasons or the discussions they made before making those decisions.
As to divorce, each one is different, the starting point of the Court is a 50/50 split, they then take in many various considerations in deciding whether to depart from that split.
However I don't think the original thread was about divorce |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses. "
Or maybe he earns more and is grateful she is paying for some of the bills which takes the additional stress off him! Not everyone is out for themselves some people actually see a relationship as equal. I don’t have a mortgage etc but I pay the mobile phone bills if Danish and I got divorced I’m not going to take her phone off her even though the money is coming from my account!
Doughnut |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
Or maybe he earns more and is grateful she is paying for some of the bills which takes the additional stress off him! Not everyone is out for themselves some people actually see a relationship as equal. I don’t have a mortgage etc but I pay the mobile phone bills if Danish and I got divorced I’m not going to take her phone off her even though the money is coming from my account!
Doughnut "
Oh I don't agree with when you buy each other things and when you split up and the other half demands for all of it back simply because they paid for it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
That is not nice, you don't the reasons or the discussions they made before making those decisions.
As to divorce, each one is different, the starting point of the Court is a 50/50 split, they then take in many various considerations in deciding whether to depart from that split.
However I don't think the original thread was about divorce"
When I was married to my first husband we ran into money problems and I always remember after sorting it all out with repayment plans etc his dad saying to us ‘what if you divorce’ and I thought this was such a strange thing to say, ‘what if we divorce’, obviously the marriage didn’t work out but at the same time things got divided and sorted, at no stage did I enter either marriage with the thought of entering into an financial arrangement ‘what if we divorce’.
Maybe if we had a mortgage etc things might be different but even then we go along with the flow and if that ever happened it would be sorted at the time, live for the here and now, not the what if this happens.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it sounds like a lot of excuses on both sides which make for a toxic relationship. If hes the only one working then it's his money to do with as he pleases, as other have said full time mum doesn't take up that much work and if she hasn't earned it why should she spend it however in a stable relationship it should be joint money not his or hers. She could get a job, not everywhere offers set hours, retail is good for flexibility then she wouldn't have to ask for money. And he could quite easily take lunches as others have said giving them extra disposable income, being fussy isn't an excuse at all.
My partner and I both work full time and we have 2 young children. We work around each others shifts and school so we can split childcare and we still manage to keep a tidy well run house and put a proper meal on the table every day. As do plenty of other parents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
That is not nice, you don't the reasons or the discussions they made before making those decisions.
As to divorce, each one is different, the starting point of the Court is a 50/50 split, they then take in many various considerations in deciding whether to depart from that split.
However I don't think the original thread was about divorce
When I was married to my first husband we ran into money problems and I always remember after sorting it all out with repayment plans etc his dad saying to us ‘what if you divorce’ and I thought this was such a strange thing to say, ‘what if we divorce’, obviously the marriage didn’t work out but at the same time things got divided and sorted, at no stage did I enter either marriage with the thought of entering into an financial arrangement ‘what if we divorce’.
Maybe if we had a mortgage etc things might be different but even then we go along with the flow and if that ever happened it would be sorted at the time, live for the here and now, not the what if this happens.
Danish x"
As they say money is the root to all evil |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
That is not nice, you don't the reasons or the discussions they made before making those decisions.
As to divorce, each one is different, the starting point of the Court is a 50/50 split, they then take in many various considerations in deciding whether to depart from that split.
However I don't think the original thread was about divorce
When I was married to my first husband we ran into money problems and I always remember after sorting it all out with repayment plans etc his dad saying to us ‘what if you divorce’ and I thought this was such a strange thing to say, ‘what if we divorce’, obviously the marriage didn’t work out but at the same time things got divided and sorted, at no stage did I enter either marriage with the thought of entering into an financial arrangement ‘what if we divorce’.
Maybe if we had a mortgage etc things might be different but even then we go along with the flow and if that ever happened it would be sorted at the time, live for the here and now, not the what if this happens.
Danish x"
So by this logic i assume you dont wear a seat belt and dont have home insurance?
As why live for the what if? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it sounds like a lot of excuses on both sides which make for a toxic relationship. If hes the only one working then it's his money to do with as he pleases, as other have said full time mum doesn't take up that much work and if she hasn't earned it why should she spend it however in a stable relationship it should be joint money not his or hers. She could get a job, not everywhere offers set hours, retail is good for flexibility then she wouldn't have to ask for money. And he could quite easily take lunches as others have said giving them extra disposable income, being fussy isn't an excuse at all.
My partner and I both work full time and we have 2 young children. We work around each others shifts and school so we can split childcare and we still manage to keep a tidy well run house and put a proper meal on the table every day. As do plenty of other parents. "
Shocking common sense advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over.
But evwrything going in is his"
That is a ridiculous statement, it's a partnership. They are both contributing in different ways.
And for what it's worth, cleaners cost around £10 An hour. Maybe she should itemise all the cleaning, childcare, cooking, picking up the shopping etc etc and just take all his wages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
Or maybe he earns more and is grateful she is paying for some of the bills which takes the additional stress off him! Not everyone is out for themselves some people actually see a relationship as equal. I don’t have a mortgage etc but I pay the mobile phone bills if Danish and I got divorced I’m not going to take her phone off her even though the money is coming from my account!
Doughnut "
Right but the differnce is paying the mortage is kinda like paying into a saving's account paying untraceable bills is like throwing money away.
You should both be taking the risk not one taking the safe bet and the another taking the "i hope he doesn't leave me" bet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over.
But evwrything going in is his
That is a ridiculous statement, it's a partnership. They are both contributing in different ways.
And for what it's worth, cleaners cost around £10 An hour. Maybe she should itemise all the cleaning, childcare, cooking, picking up the shopping etc etc and just take all his wages. "
So yeah 30 quid a week ish
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it sounds like a lot of excuses on both sides which make for a toxic relationship. If hes the only one working then it's his money to do with as he pleases, as other have said full time mum doesn't take up that much work and if she hasn't earned it why should she spend it however in a stable relationship it should be joint money not his or hers. She could get a job, not everywhere offers set hours, retail is good for flexibility then she wouldn't have to ask for money. And he could quite easily take lunches as others have said giving them extra disposable income, being fussy isn't an excuse at all.
My partner and I both work full time and we have 2 young children. We work around each others shifts and school so we can split childcare and we still manage to keep a tidy well run house and put a proper meal on the table every day. As do plenty of other parents.
Shocking common sense advice"
And this is coming from someone that states men can't clean simply because he can't do it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it sounds like a lot of excuses on both sides which make for a toxic relationship. If hes the only one working then it's his money to do with as he pleases, as other have said full time mum doesn't take up that much work and if she hasn't earned it why should she spend it however in a stable relationship it should be joint money not his or hers. She could get a job, not everywhere offers set hours, retail is good for flexibility then she wouldn't have to ask for money. And he could quite easily take lunches as others have said giving them extra disposable income, being fussy isn't an excuse at all.
My partner and I both work full time and we have 2 young children. We work around each others shifts and school so we can split childcare and we still manage to keep a tidy well run house and put a proper meal on the table every day. As do plenty of other parents.
Shocking common sense advice
And this is coming from someone that states men can't clean simply because he can't do it lol"
You lack a sense of humour dont you? |
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Is the issue here that money is tight for the whole family, or is the issue it's ok for him to spend on himself (and meals out daily aren't a necessity, they're an indulgence, being "fussy" doesn't cut it with me), and she isn't given the same privilege?
Either way it sounds selfish at best and controlling at worst.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
"
If she wants spending money shouldnt she get a part time.job? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it sounds like a lot of excuses on both sides which make for a toxic relationship. If hes the only one working then it's his money to do with as he pleases, as other have said full time mum doesn't take up that much work and if she hasn't earned it why should she spend it however in a stable relationship it should be joint money not his or hers. She could get a job, not everywhere offers set hours, retail is good for flexibility then she wouldn't have to ask for money. And he could quite easily take lunches as others have said giving them extra disposable income, being fussy isn't an excuse at all.
My partner and I both work full time and we have 2 young children. We work around each others shifts and school so we can split childcare and we still manage to keep a tidy well run house and put a proper meal on the table every day. As do plenty of other parents.
Shocking common sense advice
And this is coming from someone that states men can't clean simply because he can't do it lol
You lack a sense of humour dont you? "
I do have a sense of humour but childish comments aren't exactly humorous lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
If she wants spending money shouldnt she get a part time.job?"
The likelihood is, she will work many more hours than he does. Childcare and house maintenance is a 24/7 job. Many men do fuck all when they get home from 'work'.
He could pay her for childcare ironing, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc etc. He'd need a 2nd job to pay for it all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is the issue here that money is tight for the whole family, or is the issue it's ok for him to spend on himself (and meals out daily aren't a necessity, they're an indulgence, being "fussy" doesn't cut it with me), and she isn't given the same privilege?
Either way it sounds selfish at best and controlling at worst.
"
He misses one or two meals at home due to working long hours, eating out is a necessity for some. Depending on job. I know I have to, I have no choice with my job. Would much rather eat home cooked food.
How is that selfish of him? Packed lunches just doesn’t cut it sometimes I’m afraid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
If she wants spending money shouldnt she get a part time.job?
The likelihood is, she will work many more hours than he does. Childcare and house maintenance is a 24/7 job. Many men do fuck all when they get home from 'work'.
He could pay her for childcare ironing, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc etc. He'd need a 2nd job to pay for it all."
Or she could work and I know the OP said they would be worse off but they would have their own financial independence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
If she wants spending money shouldnt she get a part time.job?
The likelihood is, she will work many more hours than he does. Childcare and house maintenance is a 24/7 job. Many men do fuck all when they get home from 'work'.
He could pay her for childcare ironing, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc etc. He'd need a 2nd job to pay for it all."
Going by the forums on here during the week in the daytimes many men do fuck all at work too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
If she wants spending money shouldnt she get a part time.job?
The likelihood is, she will work many more hours than he does. Childcare and house maintenance is a 24/7 job. Many men do fuck all when they get home from 'work'.
He could pay her for childcare ironing, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc etc. He'd need a 2nd job to pay for it all.
Going by the forums on here during the week in the daytimes many men do fuck all at work too "
Too busy on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They should each get a 'spending money' allowance. Her lunches will come out of the food shopping as she eats at home. If he won't take a pack up them he should at least make an effort to buy cheaper lunches out and about.
If she wants spending money shouldnt she get a part time.job?
The likelihood is, she will work many more hours than he does. Childcare and house maintenance is a 24/7 job. Many men do fuck all when they get home from 'work'.
He could pay her for childcare ironing, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc etc. He'd need a 2nd job to pay for it all."
Hahaha how are you figuring that?
Please id love to know how you add up tjat stuff to kore than 35 hours a week |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is the issue here that money is tight for the whole family, or is the issue it's ok for him to spend on himself (and meals out daily aren't a necessity, they're an indulgence, being "fussy" doesn't cut it with me), and she isn't given the same privilege?
Either way it sounds selfish at best and controlling at worst.
"
Well for me if I was in that situation how I see it is I may be earning the money but that doesn't mean its all mine I've earned it to provide for my family so I would have no problems splitting the money with my partner it just makes sense its not always easy when your a full time mum and fair play to those who are cos in the end of the day when kids are involved they are what matters the most |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
I agree with this. He works hard so deserves that.
But she works hard too bringing up their children and looking after their home.
But she can eat at home and make what she wants. He’s not exactly spending it on beer with his mates. He’s feeding himself while he’s working long hours. It’s hardly a luxury and he has no choice as needs to eat. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is the issue here that money is tight for the whole family, or is the issue it's ok for him to spend on himself (and meals out daily aren't a necessity, they're an indulgence, being "fussy" doesn't cut it with me), and she isn't given the same privilege?
Either way it sounds selfish at best and controlling at worst.
Well for me if I was in that situation how I see it is I may be earning the money but that doesn't mean its all mine I've earned it to provide for my family so I would have no problems splitting the money with my partner it just makes sense its not always easy when your a full time mum and fair play to those who are cos in the end of the day when kids are involved they are what matters the most "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This whole thread just feels a little sad to me. It's almost as though there's an undercurrent of keeping score somehow.
Almost as though the issue isn't the money, more the relationship...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This whole thread just feels a little sad to me. It's almost as though there's an undercurrent of keeping score somehow.
Almost as though the issue isn't the money, more the relationship...
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
That is not nice, you don't the reasons or the discussions they made before making those decisions.
As to divorce, each one is different, the starting point of the Court is a 50/50 split, they then take in many various considerations in deciding whether to depart from that split.
However I don't think the original thread was about divorce
When I was married to my first husband we ran into money problems and I always remember after sorting it all out with repayment plans etc his dad saying to us ‘what if you divorce’ and I thought this was such a strange thing to say, ‘what if we divorce’, obviously the marriage didn’t work out but at the same time things got divided and sorted, at no stage did I enter either marriage with the thought of entering into an financial arrangement ‘what if we divorce’.
Maybe if we had a mortgage etc things might be different but even then we go along with the flow and if that ever happened it would be sorted at the time, live for the here and now, not the what if this happens.
Danish x
So by this logic i assume you dont wear a seat belt and dont have home insurance?
As why live for the what if?"
I think I’ve not made myself very clear here, in my relationship I don’t want to have in the back of my head when we step into something that is financially massive ‘what if he leaves me’, naive of me maybe but there we are, who knows what will happen to anyone in their relationships and maybe if one of us more money than the other (like massively) maybe we might think a bit different but we don’t, we never will, whatever we earn now between us are both our money.
And no, we don’t have home insurance etc because we live where we work.
Danish x |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow
"
Or maybe didn't manage your time well. Most of what you said could be done the night before. The kitchen would be clean after dinner the night before for me so only breakfast things to clean up in the morning. Beds to make / cleaning etc etc on the day. Dinner prepped and made after the kids come home. If you kept on top of it it can be done very quickly
Time for Robert then the day to yourself apart from the dreaded ironing in which case I would add an extra hour
I had it so much easier than my mums era anyway, they didn't even have a washing machine until the youngest of a huge family was 9 , she used to make all our clothes to save money and knit every jumper/ cardigan...went to work and still looked after us all....now I imagine that was knackering |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more "
They are married, I am not sure it works that way if they split |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow
Or maybe didn't manage your time well. Most of what you said could be done the night before. The kitchen would be clean after dinner the night before for me so only breakfast things to clean up in the morning. Beds to make / cleaning etc etc on the day. Dinner prepped and made after the kids come home. If you kept on top of it it can be done very quickly
Time for Robert then the day to yourself apart from the dreaded ironing in which case I would add an extra hour
I had it so much easier than my mums era anyway, they didn't even have a washing machine until the youngest of a huge family was 9 , she used to make all our clothes to save money and knit every jumper/ cardigan...went to work and still looked after us all....now I imagine that was knackering"
I managed my time very well. I had a routine and was very thorough.
When I first got married I didn't have a washing machine, vacuum cleaner or carpets in every room. I didn't have the money for the launderette either, and I knitted my babies' cardigans and leggings. I also hand made my first baby's cot quilt, without a sewing machine.
I might have been doing a lot more housework than the average woman; or the average woman might do as little as they can get away with, as quickly as possible, so they can sit and watch television for the rest of the day; whereas, my television never went on and I didn't sit around drinking tea all day (I do now).
I think I maybe made more work for myself than I needed to, now I look back on it. I'm a lazy moo now and have a hate hate relationship with my Henry vaccum cleaner.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow
Or maybe didn't manage your time well. Most of what you said could be done the night before. The kitchen would be clean after dinner the night before for me so only breakfast things to clean up in the morning. Beds to make / cleaning etc etc on the day. Dinner prepped and made after the kids come home. If you kept on top of it it can be done very quickly
Time for Robert then the day to yourself apart from the dreaded ironing in which case I would add an extra hour
I had it so much easier than my mums era anyway, they didn't even have a washing machine until the youngest of a huge family was 9 , she used to make all our clothes to save money and knit every jumper/ cardigan...went to work and still looked after us all....now I imagine that was knackering
I managed my time very well. I had a routine and was very thorough.
When I first got married I didn't have a washing machine, vacuum cleaner or carpets in every room. I didn't have the money for the launderette either, and I knitted my babies' cardigans and leggings. I also hand made my first baby's cot quilt, without a sewing machine.
I might have been doing a lot more housework than the average woman; or the average woman might do as little as they can get away with, as quickly as possible, so they can sit and watch television for the rest of the day; whereas, my television never went on and I didn't sit around drinking tea all day (I do now).
I think I maybe made more work for myself than I needed to, now I look back on it. I'm a lazy moo now and have a hate hate relationship with my Henry vaccum cleaner.
"
I did a lot of baking too. I made pies and cakes from scratch. I was a bit of a mug really, wasn't I |
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I wouldn't count it as spending on him self. He's simply buying food while out at work as he has to eat. Likewise if she was to buy food at a cafe for her self and/Or the kids I wouldn't class that as spending on herself as she has to eat too. So it's only fair that she can eat out too without it being considered as spending on her self. I would say it's simply a matter of finances. If they can afford for him to eat out at work great. If not then he needs to find a cheaper alternative like home pack up. At the end of the day I don't get the his money her money thing. Surely it's a family pot? A family is a team and works together (even if in different capacities). Surely what is important is that the family pot is being spent fairly and within the means of the family budget. I don't see what who's earning the money has to do with who in family spends it when you are a team? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to work in a bakers for a wee bit and some of the guys come in would pay anything from £2.50 to £5.00 so £25 a week with money he has earnt actually does sound that bad really when if he is a fussy eater you could probably spend that buying bits for lunches.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think? "
If hes out working and needs to eat, why shouldn’t he stop somewhere and grab a drink And food
Shes at home so has access to food a cooker to cook
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
I have a 4 bedroom house and there's no way I could have vacuumed , dusted, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen , made all the beds, do the laundry and prep the dinner and sit down to watch daytime television before picking the kids up from school. I was lucky to grab a few hours a week to do the garden.
I'm beginning to feel I wasted a lot of time doing stuff that could have been left.
Or maybe I was just slow
Or maybe didn't manage your time well. Most of what you said could be done the night before. The kitchen would be clean after dinner the night before for me so only breakfast things to clean up in the morning. Beds to make / cleaning etc etc on the day. Dinner prepped and made after the kids come home. If you kept on top of it it can be done very quickly
Time for Robert then the day to yourself apart from the dreaded ironing in which case I would add an extra hour
I had it so much easier than my mums era anyway, they didn't even have a washing machine until the youngest of a huge family was 9 , she used to make all our clothes to save money and knit every jumper/ cardigan...went to work and still looked after us all....now I imagine that was knackering
I managed my time very well. I had a routine and was very thorough.
When I first got married I didn't have a washing machine, vacuum cleaner or carpets in every room. I didn't have the money for the launderette either, and I knitted my babies' cardigans and leggings. I also hand made my first baby's cot quilt, without a sewing machine.
I might have been doing a lot more housework than the average woman; or the average woman might do as little as they can get away with, as quickly as possible, so they can sit and watch television for the rest of the day; whereas, my television never went on and I didn't sit around drinking tea all day (I do now).
I think I maybe made more work for myself than I needed to, now I look back on it. I'm a lazy moo now and have a hate hate relationship with my Henry vaccum cleaner.
"
I had a sister in law like you who would spend hours cleaning. I preferred to clean faster and get out for the day rather but if I had stayed in and watched telly all day I had time to. I never got why the cleaning took so long for her.
But yeah, we didn't have any mod cons when we got married either although I did have a sewing machine you could have borrowed |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
I did a lot of baking too. I made pies and cakes from scratch. I was a bit of a mug really, wasn't I "
Or we were just taught how to do it and carried it on. ( although you could have killed someone with my pies so I gave that up as a bad job ) |
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No she should not. Simply put she should live in as frugal manner as possible.
If he allows it, then any divorce she will be able to claim money for daily eating out which will probably cause him to commit suicide. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I did a lot of baking too. I made pies and cakes from scratch. I was a bit of a mug really, wasn't I
Or we were just taught how to do it and carried it on. ( although you could have killed someone with my pies so I gave that up as a bad job )"
My mum taught me to make lovely pies and cakes but her dinners were awful (except her roast). We didn't complain as she had 8 of us to feed.
Women have it so easy now with washing machines, dishwashers and McDonalds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't count it as spending on him self. He's simply buying food while out at work as he has to eat. Likewise if she was to buy food at a cafe for her self and/Or the kids I wouldn't class that as spending on herself as she has to eat too. So it's only fair that she can eat out too without it being considered as spending on her self. I would say it's simply a matter of finances. If they can afford for him to eat out at work great. If not then he needs to find a cheaper alternative like home pack up. At the end of the day I don't get the his money her money thing. Surely it's a family pot? A family is a team and works together (even if in different capacities). Surely what is important is that the family pot is being spent fairly and within the means of the family budget. I don't see what who's earning the money has to do with who in family spends it when you are a team?"
You'll make a great husband |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I did a lot of baking too. I made pies and cakes from scratch. I was a bit of a mug really, wasn't I
Or we were just taught how to do it and carried it on. ( although you could have killed someone with my pies so I gave that up as a bad job )
My mum taught me to make lovely pies and cakes but her dinners were awful (except her roast). We didn't complain as she had 8 of us to feed.
Women have it so easy now with washing machines, dishwashers and McDonalds "
Our old local MP was once quoted as saying McDonald’s is great! It’s the only place some parents can afford to buy their kids a meal and a toy! 
Doughnut |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If at home can cook what she likes,when out working haven’t that option,and working long hours a cheeky Mc D or similar is the highlight of the day,but similarly staying home with the kids can be stressful so likewise a coffee with friends can be a good stress relief ,so should allow a little treat but be sensible if on a budget. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over.
But evwrything going in is his
He could pay her for the work she does for him. "
Or he could leave work and stay at home and she can go out and own her 'own' wage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't count it as spending on him self. He's simply buying food while out at work as he has to eat. Likewise if she was to buy food at a cafe for her self and/Or the kids I wouldn't class that as spending on herself as she has to eat too. So it's only fair that she can eat out too without it being considered as spending on her self. I would say it's simply a matter of finances. If they can afford for him to eat out at work great. If not then he needs to find a cheaper alternative like home pack up. At the end of the day I don't get the his money her money thing. Surely it's a family pot? A family is a team and works together (even if in different capacities). Surely what is important is that the family pot is being spent fairly and within the means of the family budget. I don't see what who's earning the money has to do with who in family spends it when you are a team?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend is a stay at home mum. Her partner works and provides for the family. He does long hours and is often out of the house for 1 or 2 mealtimes in the day.
For those meals he generally stops at a café or take away and also tends to buy a few bottles of juice and snacks on top.
The debate is does the money he spends on food count as spending on himself and is she justified in wanting to spend a similar amount on herself? He could save a fair bit by making food at home to take with him but on the other hand if he wasn't working to provide he wouldn't eat out.
What do you think?
I think she should make him lunch, to remove the argument.
Any money left at the end of the month gets split 50/50, or put into a savings account.
He's a really fussy eater and probably wouldn't eat it.
That's a terrible reason.. If he's too fussy for what she would make him, he should be making his bloody own!
This really shouldn't be a debate for them, it's pretty simple. Add up all the money coming into the household, subtract all money going out (including food shopping, which his lunches should come out of) and split anything left over.
But evwrything going in is his
He could pay her for the work she does for him.
Or he could leave work and stay at home and she can go out and own her 'own' wage. "
I know men who do that and they spend their wives' earnings on cigarettes and cafe. I doubt he would want to do that if she adopts the same attitude as him though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"when i was married i never had a washing machine i only had one child but i kept house. went to college in the day and part time job 4-7. "
I remember my mum had a twin tub from as early as I could remember and her standing there doing the washing, she kept the home and worked during the day when I was at school, she had three kids and two of them are disabled, I admire her so much.
Danish x |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"If hes working he deserves to decide what he spends on
She's working too."
This exactly
I don't have kids or want any and think it looks hard work to look after kids ,cook,clean do laundry lunches etc.
In my opinion she deserves a night out every now and again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She can bill him for the childcare and home making? No where have I seen it mentioned that all the kids are of school age yet- some people have just assumed that. Childcare is hugely expensive when it's just for one child, but when its 2 or more, it's not always financially viable to go to work and pay someone else to bring up your kids- before all the moral arguements!
Or maybe she should just take her going out money out of the married tax allowance she probably gives him?
By the way, the sexual discrimination on this thread is astounding- even dressed up as a joke!
Just because she isn't being paid by an employer doesn't mean she isn't working her ass off and deserves to spend some of their disposable income on a night out occasionally!
And just because he is "fussy" with food, doesn't mean he cant suck it up and eat a homemade sandwich a few times a week to save some money!
Surely it's all a bit competitive instead of being about compromise and teamwork. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Haven't read the whole thread, but are people really comparing a stay at home parent wanting a night out to a working parent needing to eat lunch. No matter whether it's the man or woman that works, IF there is spare money after bills and essentials they should either save or do something together.
Nights out are a want not a need, so unless both agree to spending the money on that then it shouldn't happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She can bill him for the childcare and home making? No where have I seen it mentioned that all the kids are of school age yet- some people have just assumed that. Childcare is hugely expensive when it's just for one child, but when its 2 or more, it's not always financially viable to go to work and pay someone else to bring up your kids- before all the moral arguements!
Or maybe she should just take her going out money out of the married tax allowance she probably gives him?
By the way, the sexual discrimination on this thread is astounding- even dressed up as a joke!
Just because she isn't being paid by an employer doesn't mean she isn't working her ass off and deserves to spend some of their disposable income on a night out occasionally!
And just because he is "fussy" with food, doesn't mean he cant suck it up and eat a homemade sandwich a few times a week to save some money!
Surely it's all a bit competitive instead of being about compromise and teamwork."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't have kids so comment on what stay at home moms do.
This is how me and hubby do it.
He earns 3 times more than I do.
His money goes into his account and mine into mine.
He pays the bills and mortgage and I buy all the food and pay the pet insurances and sky.
We both save and put that in a joint account and if we want a treat we do. He works so hard for his money compared to me that he can do what he likes with it.
You might want to get in on a few of those mortgage payments incase things go badly
I paid the deposit from the sale of my house.
Sorted but limited you want to be making an on going contribution to the equity stake.
Otherwise you just get your deposit plus value increase back.
By paying the food while he pays the mortgage your dping yourself out of tjat money every month if things go bad a 50/50 split of ALL bills protects you a lot more
Are you a divorce lawyer? If not, I would say that you don't have the knowledge to make this statement.
(Mrs Sex In Heels - I do not think that you are planning a divorce)
We are not divorcing
In my last divorce I got out what I put in. This would be the same. We don't have kids together so I'm not going to fleece him for his home. I wouldn't want a 50/50 split as I've not put much in it!
I couldn't afford to pay 1/2 the bills. I don't earn that much!!
Its nothing to do woth the bills.
Food, utilities etc is wasted koney a mortage is equity and claimable later
Are you a lawyer?
Why would I claim on something I've not paid into apart from a deposit? That's just fucking greedy. I'm not that person.
I’m with you on that. I would be the same too and have done so.
You are obviously not married and sharing a home with someone Carter. Our situation might be different to others but that's how we do it in our marriage.
True but having seen multiple people have thier lives ruined by divorce proceedings and being stabbed by an ex i take a slightly klmore self protective view on things.
Exacrly like your husband does by having you pay for the non equitable expenses.
I left my last marriage with exactly what I put into it. Straight forward divorce and no fighting over financial stuff. Very amicable. I would never want more than what was mine either "
This
Hence why my ex is one of my best friends.
There are people out there is life who want to get as much as they can that doesn’t belong to them, I’m not one of them. |
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Having been married for over 28 years, I find the whole thread really strange bordering on weird. It is supposed to be a team game - none of this nonsense about my money and her money etc. That relationship isn't heading anywhere - just my view. |
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