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Mixed libidos
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
How do couples cope if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other?
Hubs is happily ignoring me as the rugby is on..
My fault also as I think well if he’s not interested I’ll not make the effort and if I didn’t initiate sex I don’t think he’d bother...
Frustrated.com..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dunno....my husband just *does*.
I have a really low sex drive, due to my past, medication I’ve been on etc. He has a high sex drive. He’s never cheated, doesn’t want to meet anyone else (I’ve told him he can if he wants) and just gets on with it. It’s genuinely never been an issue, which is why for a while when I joined here it baffled me that so many people cheat purely because they weren’t getting enough sex at home. (I’m no longer as baffled as I once was). |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Dunno....my husband just *does*.
I have a really low sex drive, due to my past, medication I’ve been on etc. He has a high sex drive. He’s never cheated, doesn’t want to meet anyone else (I’ve told him he can if he wants) and just gets on with it. It’s genuinely never been an issue, which is why for a while when I joined here it baffled me that so many people cheat purely because they weren’t getting enough sex at home. (I’m no longer as baffled as I once was). "
It’s all about making it work for you xx are you feeling better now?
Hubs is great with fixing things... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P"
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?  |
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"How do couples cope if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other?
Hubs is happily ignoring me as the rugby is on..
My fault also as I think well if he’s not interested I’ll not make the effort and if I didn’t initiate sex I don’t think he’d bother...
Frustrated.com.. "
This caused all sorts of issues in my marriage. I didn't come on here until it ended, but I was accused of being insensitive because she would also gladly go without. I was faithful and loyal and foolish now looking back for being so.
When they are uneven, its very difficult to sustain loving intimacy on all other levels of living together, which is paramount in my opinion.
No easy situation. |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"How do couples cope if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other?
Hubs is happily ignoring me as the rugby is on..
My fault also as I think well if he’s not interested I’ll not make the effort and if I didn’t initiate sex I don’t think he’d bother...
Frustrated.com..
This caused all sorts of issues in my marriage. I didn't come on here until it ended, but I was accused of being insensitive because she would also gladly go without. I was faithful and loyal and foolish now looking back for being so.
When they are uneven, its very difficult to sustain loving intimacy on all other levels of living together, which is paramount in my opinion.
No easy situation. "
Agreed xx fair play to you also xx
I’m thinking that you only have one life, only can do this lifestyle for a limited time so being naughty and introducing ‘friends’ in a certain scenario that appeals to me.. |
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"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable? "
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over? |
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"How do couples cope if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other?
Hubs is happily ignoring me as the rugby is on..
My fault also as I think well if he’s not interested I’ll not make the effort and if I didn’t initiate sex I don’t think he’d bother...
Frustrated.com..
This caused all sorts of issues in my marriage. I didn't come on here until it ended, but I was accused of being insensitive because she would also gladly go without. I was faithful and loyal and foolish now looking back for being so.
When they are uneven, its very difficult to sustain loving intimacy on all other levels of living together, which is paramount in my opinion.
No easy situation.
Agreed xx fair play to you also xx
I’m thinking that you only have one life, only can do this lifestyle for a limited time so being naughty and introducing ‘friends’ in a certain scenario that appeals to me.."
Carpe Diem. Seize the day.
Time goes by so quickly and is nobody's friend. |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over? "
Sadly not just the rugby x |
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"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over?
Sadly not just the rugby x"
Have you talked to him about it?
Is it a total deal breaker for you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a very high sex drive and an ex from years back well she didn't. So me being a decent lad and not cheating used porn when I had to unwind. Which she didn't like either. We didn't last long after that. Waste of a year tbh |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over?
Sadly not just the rugby x
Have you talked to him about it?
Is it a total deal breaker for you? "
I have spoken to him yes x
It’s not a deal breaker as he has lots to offer and we have lots of history, it’s just every now and then I feel I’m missing out and when I say this, he isn’t keen to do so. So introducing swinging friends and suggesting Mmf and looking for that female for him to enjoy a ffm.... |
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"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over?
Sadly not just the rugby x
Have you talked to him about it?
Is it a total deal breaker for you?
I have spoken to him yes x
It’s not a deal breaker as he has lots to offer and we have lots of history, it’s just every now and then I feel I’m missing out and when I say this, he isn’t keen to do so. So introducing swinging friends and suggesting Mmf and looking for that female for him to enjoy a ffm.... "
Swinging won't restore a person's sex drive or change them from someone with a low sex drive to someone with a high one.
|
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over?
Sadly not just the rugby x
Have you talked to him about it?
Is it a total deal breaker for you?
I have spoken to him yes x
It’s not a deal breaker as he has lots to offer and we have lots of history, it’s just every now and then I feel I’m missing out and when I say this, he isn’t keen to do so. So introducing swinging friends and suggesting Mmf and looking for that female for him to enjoy a ffm....
Swinging won't restore a person's sex drive or change them from someone with a low sex drive to someone with a high one.
"
True, but it’ll help me and add interest for him, well that’s the plan... |
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"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over?
Sadly not just the rugby x
Have you talked to him about it?
Is it a total deal breaker for you?
I have spoken to him yes x
It’s not a deal breaker as he has lots to offer and we have lots of history, it’s just every now and then I feel I’m missing out and when I say this, he isn’t keen to do so. So introducing swinging friends and suggesting Mmf and looking for that female for him to enjoy a ffm....
Swinging won't restore a person's sex drive or change them from someone with a low sex drive to someone with a high one.
True, but it’ll help me and add interest for him, well that’s the plan..."
Has he said that will help? |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Has he had a check up to find out if there are any underlying causes or has it always been the case?
"
Always been the case, but as the kids have left home I became more interested in the carnal desires of the body. |
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By *uzzy Navel OP Woman
over a year ago
so near and yet so far.... |
"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable?
I'd it just during the rugby? Can't you wait till its over?
Sadly not just the rugby x
Have you talked to him about it?
Is it a total deal breaker for you?
I have spoken to him yes x
It’s not a deal breaker as he has lots to offer and we have lots of history, it’s just every now and then I feel I’m missing out and when I say this, he isn’t keen to do so. So introducing swinging friends and suggesting Mmf and looking for that female for him to enjoy a ffm....
Swinging won't restore a person's sex drive or change them from someone with a low sex drive to someone with a high one.
True, but it’ll help me and add interest for him, well that’s the plan...
Has he said that will help? "
yes if I sort it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fonda has a very low sex drive at the moment, and mine is dropping slowly too.
Stresses in life affecting you do you think?"
fonda has long term health issues which is the main cause, im kinda riding the same wave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whack on a rugby shirt n no knickers.
Men ain't the greatest at concentrating on more than one thing at once so you may be better of joining him to watch it.
Talk.
Listen
P
Yeah could do but think I deserve more after 34 years, or am I being unreasonable? "
There is also the age thing to consider. 34 years ago he'd have been at his sexual peak so the difference wouldn't have been as marked? A lot of relationships get like this to my knowledge; in teens and early 20s it's often the male initiating and wanting more sex than the female hence it becomes entrenched that it's an inherently Male thing to do and the "typical man, can't you think about anything else?" is probably more commonplace to be heard. Men are expected to seduce and it doesn't help that most around 20 are pretty basic at this compared to later on!
Fast forward 20-40 years and the drives have often flipped around completely. The woman feels frustrated as the male now has far less interest than she does. What is probably a good idea would be remembering her 19 year old self and her own attitude to living with an often far more highly sexed partner except with less energy due to age thrown into the mix too, it's merely a case of things switching around. A man would be expected to accept things at that age or at least become far more engaging, stimulating and seductive. Therefore it makes sense that the woman adopts this role as she is now the one who is more highly sexed? And accepts that sometimes her drive is just higher than his and it's no slant on her as a woman or being desirable. The problem that arises often is that after following a certain pattern in terms of initiator and seducer for over 20 years it is that entrenched in both of them that they don't see it needs to be switched around?
This isn't true of every couple of course. In my own late teens/early twenties my sex drive was ridiculously high even for that age, to the extent that I'd regularly go without sleep 2 or 3 nights a week having sex? It did become an issue sometimes with girls I was seeing as they needed sleep too ha! Now my own drive has probably reduced from ridiculously high to merely very high which given the age of my adorable lady, smack bang in her prime sexually, is finally a very very good thing indeed...  
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get rid. Life is all about sex. If they won't fuck you then find someone who will. The whole point of relationships is to get regular sex. Why should anyone have to have a wank unless they're single. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. Life is all about sex. If they won't fuck you then find someone who will. The whole point of relationships is to get regular sex. Why should anyone have to have a wank unless they're single. "
sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. Life is all about sex. If they won't fuck you then find someone who will. The whole point of relationships is to get regular sex. Why should anyone have to have a wank unless they're single.
sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship "
And what this alloyed footwear maiden says isn't the be all and end all of her true thoughts on the subject...  |
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I used to have a really high sex drive but i’m on hormone medication which has messed me up. T knows if it’s on offer to take it! Having an op next month which will probably only make things worse but T is so understanding - but I know i’m very lucky x
J |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
I am hoping my sex drive will drop as we have a massive difference in sex drive. My Mrs would happily only want it every few months and no interest in kissing what so ever and this is beginning to be a real problem and looking not to end well sadly. |
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I've been in relationships before where it has been a problem.
The best way was to create a sex diary ... something which works best for both.
That way there's no disappointment. You know when sex is so you both get excited during that day. The days when you knew it wasn't on the cards you knew you did not have to bother.
It sounds odd scheduling it out and making a thing out of it. But imagine nothing all week Thursday night comes along and you both know what is going to happen
You flirt more during the day you make the effort as you both know where the night leads |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been through similar with ex-wife. I have a high sex drive, she has a low one. Play with yourself etc. That's all you can do and look forward to the times he does, plus waiting for it made it amazing! Sex really is minor in the grand scene of things. Don't make it an issue for him or it will become worse...
Take care |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been through this but I found thankfully that with understanding, lots of communication, circumstantial change and a willingness to work on it together can actually change things. Creating time for intimacy and breaking old habits makes a huge difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. Life is all about sex. If they won't fuck you then find someone who will. The whole point of relationships is to get regular sex. Why should anyone have to have a wank unless they're single. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ordinarily my husband and I are quite evenly balanced with our sex drives, except when I'm pregnant, then my sex drive goes through the roof and I'm really grateful for my girlfriend and lover.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Suppose it all depends if sex is more important than the rest of the relationship attributes. I know some who have left and got their sex fill but miss the other aspects of a relationship. Doesn't take much effort to get or have sex but it takes a lot of effort for relationships. It's all about which is more important I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. Life is all about sex. If they won't fuck you then find someone who will. The whole point of relationships is to get regular sex. Why should anyone have to have a wank unless they're single. "
Life is not all about sex and if I was in a relationship with a woman who I loved, I can't imagine getting rid of her because she has a low sex drive. |
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Sex isn’t everything , it’s true enough .
But surely everyone has friends , family , pets and all sorts to cover all bases other than sex , and sex is the glue that keeps a relationship going .
Me and my wife are best friends , soul mates and our sex drives are the same - through the roof and it’s been that way since we met eight years ago .
It’s the first relationship I’ve had where the sex hasn’t dwindled away after the first couple of years . I thought that was normal and happened to everyone . So here I am , on my third marriage and I feel like I’ve finally got it right . I would honestly not want it any other way , and certainly wouldn’t settle for anything less than we have now . I’d rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want sex with me . |
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