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What is body shaming?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If it is a fact or an opinion, is it still shaming?

Is it the intent, or how the person perceives the comment?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people body shame to score points, sometimes to curry favour with people who aren't like those being shamed, sometimes to be in with the incrowd, sometimes because they are just insensitive arseholes who have to spout an opinion.

Some people just can't help themselves and take great pleasure from being nasty.

Some threads will descend into body shaming with little provocation, but sometimes people will actively seek to be offended from the most innocent of comments.

Forumites are a fickle crowd.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its a shame

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

Some people cry body shaming to shut down genuine discussion.

Some people feign concern about health etc in order to body shame.

It’s pretty easy to spot.

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By *eady and Willing 9Man over a year ago

Wherever the party is @

"If it is a fact or an opinion, is it still shaming?

Is it the intent, or how the person perceives the comment?"

Think it's always down to how one perceives the comment

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

I've seen it a few times by the same bitchy "couple" him or her never know which one is commenting, but him or her do it slyly....pathetic little playground bullys....I crnt stand ppl who think they are above anyone...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unnecessary

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Some people cry body shaming to shut down genuine discussion.

Some people feign concern about health etc in order to body shame.

It’s pretty easy to spot. "

Is it though? People often assume it's one thing when it may be another. I find it closes debate down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've seen it a few times by the same bitchy "couple" him or her never know which one is commenting, but him or her do it slyly....pathetic little playground bullys....I crnt stand ppl who think they are above anyone..."

I don't mind those types as at least they are open. I'm ok with them having their opinion even if it is different to mine.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Dragging someone down because of their body where it's not necessary or welcome. Implying things about someone because of their body which aren't necessarily true (like, fat people are stupid and lazy). Trying to stop people feeling good about themselves where it has no impact on you whatsoever.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

Unless you're a doctor, there's just no need to point out any negative aspects of someone else's body.

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By *uzukiNo1Woman over a year ago

Rhyl

I don't mind those types as at least they are open. I'm ok with them having their opinion even if it is different to mine. "

Shaming someone because of their body type is not in my personal opinion an opinion, it's just crass and cruel...

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't mind those types as at least they are open. I'm ok with them having their opinion even if it is different to mine.

Shaming someone because of their body type is not in my personal opinion an opinion, it's just crass and cruel..."

I think it's like having a crap. We all do it, but it's best done where you don't inflict it on others.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I take the piss outta my own body and I own that shit.

Tend not to body shame others (not consciously) and if I have I apologise.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

" Trying to stop people feeling good about themselves where it has no impact on you whatsoever. "

I really like this statement because I saw this a lot in the forum - whether it's really intended or not, that I can't be sure.

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By *ross-eyed MaryMan over a year ago

Salisbury

Happens soo many times on here with people slating slim women for being skin and bone, or men who arn't Adonis describing themselves as athletic.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" Trying to stop people feeling good about themselves where it has no impact on you whatsoever.

I really like this statement because I saw this a lot in the forum - whether it's really intended or not, that I can't be sure."

I try to leave a lot of this stuff at "not for me, but you do you".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If it is a fact or an opinion, is it still shaming?

Is it the intent, or how the person perceives the comment?

Think it's always down to how one perceives the comment "

I think that's a bit of a cop out.

What I mean is does that mean someone can say whatever they like if they claim they didn't mean to offend and then it's the other person's fault for being offended?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think a lot of the time a word is used to describe an attribute and someone takes offence even when the person who said it didn't mean it in a bad way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think a lot of the time a word is used to describe an attribute and someone takes offence even when the person who said it didn't mean it in a bad way.

Yes I definitely seeing that where somebody says something meaning it as a term of endearment but it's usually an outdated word that some people find offensive.

On the other hand there are definitely a few people that body shame continually but then just claim it is there opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Someone can be described as fat, thin, short etc etc etc, it's how you say it and why.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Someone can be described as fat, thin, short etc etc etc, it's how you say it and why. "

But I think if in doubt, you should avoid terms that you know some might find offensive.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

" Trying to stop people feeling good about themselves where it has no impact on you whatsoever.

I really like this statement because I saw this a lot in the forum - whether it's really intended or not, that I can't be sure."

I think, being charitable, it can sometimes be sheer thoughtlessness - people getting swept along in a thread, trying to be funny, trying to get noticed or whatever and therefore not stopping to think about the potentially hurtful or offensive impact of their words. It doesn't help that many body shaming terms are stereotypical and impersonal - to the person putting them out there, who doesn't give it a second thought - but not to those affected.

On the other hand, I don't doubt, from the context of what's said, the way it's said, and the history of the poster concerned, that *some* people take rather too much deliberate delight in being unnecessarily unkind behind the anonymous protection of a screen ... and if ever challenged, cite opinions and preferences, or 'ignorance' to justify their unpleasantness.

I guess a minority never completely lose that playground mentality!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Body shaming is basically a form of bullying, whether it be in person, or online.

It is the act or practice of negatively judging someone based on their physical appearance.

Typically, people are body shamed when they appear overweight or underweight or don’t fit society’s view of “thin and beautiful”.

Our culture loves the ideology of a perfect body, whether it be in print, movies, television, or online, seeing someone who doesn’t fit the mold isn’t considered acceptable to some.

Body shaming can be subtle to very in your face.

Comments like you would be a knockout of you lost or put on weight is a back handed compliment but is a subtle form of body shaming

To the In your face sort of comments. God who would want to be with you fatty.

It is not about opinion to be honest as opinions don't have to be shared specially if they are negative and damaging to individuals.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There’s a lot that put people who don’t fit their idea of attractiveness stating they’re this or that and shaming them just to get into the person they’re afters good books.

Then there’s the few who are attractive but think that everyone who doesn’t look like them is lazy and doesn’t make an effort. It happens to all ends of the spectrum on here. No need for it, as we’re all attractive to someone x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There’s a lot that put people who don’t fit their idea of attractiveness stating they’re this or that and shaming them just to get into the person they’re afters good books.

Absolutely, well said.

but I do think that recently the type of threads that have been started, are started deliberately sometimes to cause controversy.

Normally with the OP sitting back and watching it happen and not making any further comments.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Rachel Riley is being body shamed for being too thin as she's lost a lot of weight. Davina McCall similar last year when she posted slim pics.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Rachel Riley is being body shamed for being too thin as she's lost a lot of weight. Davina McCall similar last year when she posted slim pics."

Conversely, all this about BBWs daring to use terms that aren't demeaning about themselves. Or, it's not that hard do you know what a vegetable is? Etc forever. Or, if I say anything about it, the guys up my arse in my inbox telling me I'm gorgeous not fat, as if the two are mutually exclusive.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming? "

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily. "

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact. "

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse. "

Just because genocide exists, doesn't make body shaming acceptable.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful. "

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

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By *r.BlondeMan over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that? "
No

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that? "

I'm hardly the arbiter, but I wouldn't find it offensive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse. "

Ahhh the lot worse defence.

Destroying someone's self worth and confidence in life is just a little inconvenient not a high thing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

Just because genocide exists, doesn't make body shaming acceptable. "

I never said it was, I was pointing out that if someone is prepared to murder some one then hurting a random anonymous persons feelings on the internet isn’t going to cause sleepless nights.

People should be nice to each other, but they’re not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that? "

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

Ahhh the lot worse defence.

Destroying someone's self worth and confidence in life is just a little inconvenient not a high thing "

Again I’m not defending it but it is what it is

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

Just because genocide exists, doesn't make body shaming acceptable.

I never said it was, I was pointing out that if someone is prepared to murder some one then hurting a random anonymous persons feelings on the internet isn’t going to cause sleepless nights.

People should be nice to each other, but they’re not "

Rates of murder are infinitely lower than rates of nastiness, and discussing what's acceptable or not is one way we deal with uncomfortable or inappropriate behaviour in a society.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption "

No, it's fact. You only have to open your eyes. Have a look at the most fabbed pics for a start.

In any event, even if it's an opinion rather than a fact, the point holds.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I tend to take any comments speaking for the preferences of an enormous demographic as the limited opinion or experience of the speaker.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There’s a lot that put people who don’t fit their idea of attractiveness stating they’re this or that and shaming them just to get into the person they’re afters good books.

Absolutely, well said.

but I do think that recently the type of threads that have been started, are started deliberately sometimes to cause controversy.

Normally with the OP sitting back and watching it happen and not making any further comments. "

Yes I’ve noticed them. I’m learning to bite my tongue a lot x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption

No, it's fact. You only have to open your eyes. Have a look at the most fabbed pics for a start.

In any event, even if it's an opinion rather than a fact, the point holds. "

As an opinion yes. Anyone is allowed to have an opinion.

And yes there are men that like the fuller figure and there are men that like the slender figure.

And then there are men that just want anyone to shag.

In the long run you don't have to be negative about one group of people just because they are not your type.

Saying you into slimmer women is not body shaming

But if someone points out that all bigger girls would look better slim that is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

Just because genocide exists, doesn't make body shaming acceptable.

I never said it was, I was pointing out that if someone is prepared to murder some one then hurting a random anonymous persons feelings on the internet isn’t going to cause sleepless nights.

People should be nice to each other, but they’re not

Rates of murder are infinitely lower than rates of nastiness, and discussing what's acceptable or not is one way we deal with uncomfortable or inappropriate behaviour in a society. "

We are discussing it, but I’m pretty sure when someone makes a disparaging remark they are fully aware of what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour.

The point I am making is that some people will always want to make other people feel bad.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s often both...... we are all privy to same health information out there about everything that’s perceived to be unhealthy or healthy. We all then make choices to either adhere or rebuff. I don’t smoke but I don’t comment negatively about those that do. I prefer to live and let live. I am much more likely to “have a word” with someone that shows little respect to others or that are cruel and unkind. Communication can often be misconstrued or interpreted to an individuals requirements both positively or negatively. Opinion is just an individuals thought process/understanding being verbalised. The vocabulary used turns it into the negative, trolling or shaming or into a positive enquiry. Words are powerful.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My limited view based on Fab is that a lot of men claim to prefer their women slightly overweight. Because any time I mention the gym or weight, I get umpteen messages telling me I shouldn't or even can't lose any. Which is bullshit, of course.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

Just because genocide exists, doesn't make body shaming acceptable.

I never said it was, I was pointing out that if someone is prepared to murder some one then hurting a random anonymous persons feelings on the internet isn’t going to cause sleepless nights.

People should be nice to each other, but they’re not

Rates of murder are infinitely lower than rates of nastiness, and discussing what's acceptable or not is one way we deal with uncomfortable or inappropriate behaviour in a society.

We are discussing it, but I’m pretty sure when someone makes a disparaging remark they are fully aware of what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour.

The point I am making is that some people will always want to make other people feel bad. "

Yes, but discussing it means that unkind people see that, for example, they won't find my support in being so.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It’s often both...... we are all privy to same health information out there about everything that’s perceived to be unhealthy or healthy. We all then make choices to either adhere or rebuff. I don’t smoke but I don’t comment negatively about those that do. I prefer to live and let live. I am much more likely to “have a word” with someone that shows little respect to others or that are cruel and unkind. Communication can often be misconstrued or interpreted to an individuals requirements both positively or negatively. Opinion is just an individuals thought process/understanding being verbalised. The vocabulary used turns it into the negative, trolling or shaming or into a positive enquiry. Words are powerful. "

I think smoking is slightly different. I think people can do what they want with their own bodies. But being around smoking makes me sick. It then becomes about my body.

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By *ollycouple71Couple over a year ago

manchester

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption

No, it's fact. You only have to open your eyes. Have a look at the most fabbed pics for a start.

In any event, even if it's an opinion rather than a fact, the point holds.

As an opinion yes. Anyone is allowed to have an opinion.

And yes there are men that like the fuller figure and there are men that like the slender figure.

And then there are men that just want anyone to shag.

In the long run you don't have to be negative about one group of people just because they are not your type.

Saying you into slimmer women is not body shaming

But if someone points out that all bigger girls would look better slim that is. "

What I can't be doing with is this idea that if you state something to the effect that in situation A, a person with attribute X is generally more favoured than person with attribute Y, that's somehow disrespectful of person with attribute Y.

There's no excuse for being personally insulting, but equally we shouldn't shy away from reality because we find it uncomfortable.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"My limited view based on Fab is that a lot of men claim to prefer their women slightly overweight. Because any time I mention the gym or weight, I get umpteen messages telling me I shouldn't or even can't lose any. Which is bullshit, of course. "

Basically men on here will tell women any old shit to get a fuck and I think women are well aware of that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption

No, it's fact. You only have to open your eyes. Have a look at the most fabbed pics for a start.

In any event, even if it's an opinion rather than a fact, the point holds.

As an opinion yes. Anyone is allowed to have an opinion.

And yes there are men that like the fuller figure and there are men that like the slender figure.

And then there are men that just want anyone to shag.

In the long run you don't have to be negative about one group of people just because they are not your type.

Saying you into slimmer women is not body shaming

But if someone points out that all bigger girls would look better slim that is.

There's no excuse for being personally insulting, but equally we shouldn't shy away from reality because we find it uncomfortable. "

Why not simply say i prefer slender women, you don't have to then add I don't like big women.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Basically men on here will tell women any old shit to get a fuck and I think women are well aware of that. "

Same again some men will some don't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body shaming is where someone points out an aspect of someone’s body that is perceived to be negative and is possibly within that persons control to change.

As an example, look at the beer gut on that guy.

But why should someones choices attract negative opinions from people

Because not everyone is a nice person, people do a lot worse in this world than bring attention to some cellulite or a fat arse.

Just because genocide exists, doesn't make body shaming acceptable.

I never said it was, I was pointing out that if someone is prepared to murder some one then hurting a random anonymous persons feelings on the internet isn’t going to cause sleepless nights.

People should be nice to each other, but they’re not

Rates of murder are infinitely lower than rates of nastiness, and discussing what's acceptable or not is one way we deal with uncomfortable or inappropriate behaviour in a society.

We are discussing it, but I’m pretty sure when someone makes a disparaging remark they are fully aware of what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour.

The point I am making is that some people will always want to make other people feel bad.

Yes, but discussing it means that unkind people see that, for example, they won't find my support in being so. "

Sometimes you get groups of people that want to make someone feel bad. Unfortunately the world has bastards in it. That is why we have the police, and sometimes the police has bastards in it too.

Discuss things address them and set out clearly what is appropriate and inappropriate but there will always be a little shit waiting for the opportunity to make you cry.

It is always says more about them than it does about you. What motivates this behaviour, what is their agenda what do they gain.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Basically men on here will tell women any old shit to get a fuck and I think women are well aware of that. "

Hence "claim to". I pay it no mind.

Although I have met men, including conventionally attractive and gym rats, who were clearly very much into me when I was bigger than I am now.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption

No, it's fact. You only have to open your eyes. Have a look at the most fabbed pics for a start.

In any event, even if it's an opinion rather than a fact, the point holds.

As an opinion yes. Anyone is allowed to have an opinion.

And yes there are men that like the fuller figure and there are men that like the slender figure.

And then there are men that just want anyone to shag.

In the long run you don't have to be negative about one group of people just because they are not your type.

Saying you into slimmer women is not body shaming

But if someone points out that all bigger girls would look better slim that is.

There's no excuse for being personally insulting, but equally we shouldn't shy away from reality because we find it uncomfortable.

Why not simply say i prefer slender women, you don't have to then add I don't like big women. "

I'm not talking about my personal preference. I'm talking about an issue in the abscract.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't understand all this we shouldn't shy away from reality rubbish.

It has nothing to do with anybody else what somebody's body size is,if you do not like it move along!

there is no need to make comments whether personal or general and anybody hiding behind the fact I'm allowed an opinion!

You are not allowed an opinion on how I choose to describe myself or how anybody else does, you are not allowed to be offensive and hide behind oh well everyone finds slimmer people more attractive.

I think if people minded their own business a little bit more and got on with their own fab life it would be more fun for everybody.

We know the people on the forums that don't like larger people because they make it very clear at any given opportunity and like I said, hide behind oh well it's my opinion but they don't seem to realise these people aren't stupid they are very aware of who these people are who then just claim innocence.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable. "

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's not like anyone overweight isn't aware of it. We don't need to be told. Sometimes it just seems spiteful. "You're such a burden it's so unattractive... No I'm not rude, I'm just trying to help... Do you want to die young the way you deserve, fatty?" This is how it comes across sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it’s negative does it have to be said

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By *r.BlondeMan over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is. "
You're wasting your time. Common sense is not wanted on the forums.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is. "

And I've never heard a woman say "I wish I was older and fatter "

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is. "

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body? "

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

All these industries are interconnected. It's an interesting question, and media influences on preference and vice versa would be fascinating, but I imagine it'd be a devilishly complicated sociological study.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

We are all aware of this and that's the point, it doesn't need to be pointed out continually!

And actually I think if you look at the most fabbed pictures a lot of the women are actually fairly curvy.

Also often if you look at the profile or status of said top photo posters that often has a lot to do with it as well.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

My biggest bugbear that is common on here is people picking on large labia.

A lady can’t help how she is made. I see hundreds of vagina a year and (if one happens to be socially rather than professionally) I consider myself very lucky to be face to face with whatever god blessed her with

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes, seeking Fabs is another confounding factor.

My most Fabbed pic, by an enormous margin, is one with the least muscle definition and most weight. Does that mean anything? Who knows.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

But my point is not about causation. It may well be that all men are manipulated and brainwashed, but it can't seriously be denied that in the UK in 2019 the type of woman most men find most physically attractive in the abscract are young slim women.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

We are all aware of this and that's the point, it doesn't need to be pointed out continually!

And actually I think if you look at the most fabbed pictures a lot of the women are actually fairly curvy.

Also often if you look at the profile or status of said top photo posters that often has a lot to do with it as well. "

People are denying it on this thread.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact. "

No, you're using what the media portray as a stand in for what men want. They're not the same thing. You may be correct, I have no idea, but I believe you're defining your terms incorrectly and failing to consider the complexity of the question.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

We are all aware of this and that's the point, it doesn't need to be pointed out continually!

And actually I think if you look at the most fabbed pictures a lot of the women are actually fairly curvy.

Also often if you look at the profile or status of said top photo posters that often has a lot to do with it as well.

People are denying it on this thread. "

I don't think you'll find they are!

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

So we have two possible explanations.

1. For god knows how long the media, the Porn industry and everyone else have been trying to sell their products to men with images of women men don't actually find attractive or

2. The images put forward by those industries are ones men find attractive, because why on earth would people trying to sell stuff present it in ways their customers find unattractive.

My moneys on 2.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact. "

Let's assume this is true (I'm not sure that it is).

When do you want to be able to say this in a conversation, and why?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

So we have two possible explanations.

1. For god knows how long the media, the Porn industry and everyone else have been trying to sell their products to men with images of women men don't actually find attractive or

2. The images put forward by those industries are ones men find attractive, because why on earth would people trying to sell stuff present it in ways their customers find unattractive.

My moneys on 2."

What I don't understand is why you're so focused on what women look like because the thread is actually about body shaming and this happens to both sexes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

Let's assume this is true (I'm not sure that it is).

When do you want to be able to say this in a conversation, and why?"

Exactly this is what I don't understand about the point because I consider it shaming to say somebody is more attractive than you because they're slimmer. it doesn't need to be said.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

So we have two possible explanations.

1. For god knows how long the media, the Porn industry and everyone else have been trying to sell their products to men with images of women men don't actually find attractive or

2. The images put forward by those industries are ones men find attractive, because why on earth would people trying to sell stuff present it in ways their customers find unattractive.

My moneys on 2."

My money is on, both are gross oversimplification and we don't know.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

Let's assume this is true (I'm not sure that it is).

When do you want to be able to say this in a conversation, and why?"

I don't particularly want to say it. I'm interested in the issue as to whether discussing some physical attributes are generally considered more attractive than others counts as body shaming.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

So we have two possible explanations.

1. For god knows how long the media, the Porn industry and everyone else have been trying to sell their products to men with images of women men don't actually find attractive or

2. The images put forward by those industries are ones men find attractive, because why on earth would people trying to sell stuff present it in ways their customers find unattractive.

My moneys on 2.

My money is on, both are gross oversimplification and we don't know. "

I don't dispute that how attractions and preferences are formed is complicated, but if we are talking brute facts about what the majority male opinion (however formed) is about female attractiveness. I think the evidence is all one way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's trying to make someone feel ashamed of their body, be it fat, thin, small cock, small boobs, big labia, small balls, big nose, wonky teeth etc etc.

The people who do it, I feel, have issues of their own.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"But KLP, your preferences and data points are no more objective than mine. "What men want" is not desperately measurable.

We can only base our views on evidence. If we look at representations of women in current UK society designed to be attractive to men, we can see that they generally young and slim.

Hence, it's a reasonable deduction from that that the type of women that most men find most physically attractive is women that are young and slim.

That doesn't mean slim women are more attractive than non slim women in some universal sense, just that in UK society in 2019, that's what the general view is.

Confounding factors? Including fashion needs meaning clothing is made to look best on a very tall androgynous slender body?

Porn? Fabbed pics on here?

I'm not talking about fashion, I'm talking about images aimed squarely at men. See also selling cars, sports events etc.

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

So we have two possible explanations.

1. For god knows how long the media, the Porn industry and everyone else have been trying to sell their products to men with images of women men don't actually find attractive or

2. The images put forward by those industries are ones men find attractive, because why on earth would people trying to sell stuff present it in ways their customers find unattractive.

My moneys on 2.

My money is on, both are gross oversimplification and we don't know.

I think you misunderstand the complexity of the question.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's trying to make someone feel ashamed of their body, be it fat, thin, small cock, small boobs, big labia, small balls, big nose, wonky teeth etc etc.

The people who do it, I feel, have issues of their own. "

Projection

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's trying to make someone feel ashamed of their body, be it fat, thin, small cock, small boobs, big labia, small balls, big nose, wonky teeth etc etc.

The people who do it, I feel, have issues of their own.

Projection"

And being shamed themselves, or feeling they have been, by feeling left out of the adulations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming? "

Some people think so - they always jump on such threads to make bitchy comments.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

Some people think so - they always jump on such threads to make bitchy comments."

I don't think you'll find that is actually the case. It is often considered on here but if you have a different opinion to somebody else you are being bitchy and again is that aimed at women.

The point is it is not ok to constantly point out that somebody is more attractive simply because they're slim and it seems that it is unacceptable to some that anybody who dares to be offended or to challenge that opinion is wrong or bitching I just don't understand the divisiveness of some of this unless that's the aim.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

Let's assume this is true (I'm not sure that it is).

When do you want to be able to say this in a conversation, and why?

I don't particularly want to say it. I'm interested in the issue as to whether discussing some physical attributes are generally considered more attractive than others counts as body shaming. "

But why would you need to discuss whether some physical attributes are more attractive than others? What value does that conversation bring?

In a group of friends, talking about what you like - probably there'll be no issue.

With a public audience, this immediately runs into the problem that it's virtually impossible to have a conversation about the way people look without there being associations of value. Especially around women's bodies.

What is or isn't body shaming shouldn't be the question. That's too nebulous. The question should be: what is the value of my comment, and how does that compare to who the audience is and how will they feel upon hearing it.

To state the obvious, there are people who have been bullied and made to feel miserable about their weight their entire lives, and even the stating of facts (or 'facts') such as the one we're discussing here can be another dripdrip of a daily water torture telling them they're lesser beings.

And finally as I'm sure you realise, that you do not have an issue with hearing that bald men are considered less attractive does not mean this can be extrapolated to a universal rule. This is emotional stuff, often very deeply so, not something logical.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"If it is a fact or an opinion, is it still shaming?

Is it the intent, or how the person perceives the comment?"

Is it being communicated in a way that makes people feel bad? If so then that's body shaming.

Not that difficult to work out really.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

(in case I'm accused of putting feelings ahead of free speech or something - the point is to take on the moral responsibility to consider carefully the *value* of your speech, and not just assume it is important - it might well be, but it's worth considering)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is discussing in the abscract whether some body shapes are generally considered to be more attractive than others body shaming?

I think they can be, but aren't necessarily.

I think as long as you don't target anyone personally, it's fine.

I'm 52 and bald. I am quite aware I am generally considered a lot less attractive than a young man with hair and I have no difficulty with people mentioning that fact.

But something like (I'm so sorry I don't mean this) "omg all these fat cows on Fab who do they think they are, eat a vegetable, know you're worth nothing if you're over a size 12..."

... As someone over a size 12, whether it's directed at me or not, I find somewhere between ignorant and hurtful.

Well yes, but stating (assuming it was relevant to a discussion) most men will find a size ten woman more attractive than a size twenty woman. Is there anything wrong with that?

But that's not fact is it. That's just assumption

No, it's fact. You only have to open your eyes. Have a look at the most fabbed pics for a start.

In any event, even if it's an opinion rather than a fact, the point holds.

As an opinion yes. Anyone is allowed to have an opinion.

And yes there are men that like the fuller figure and there are men that like the slender figure.

And then there are men that just want anyone to shag.

In the long run you don't have to be negative about one group of people just because they are not your type.

Saying you into slimmer women is not body shaming

But if someone points out that all bigger girls would look better slim that is.

There's no excuse for being personally insulting, but equally we shouldn't shy away from reality because we find it uncomfortable. "

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

Let's assume this is true (I'm not sure that it is).

When do you want to be able to say this in a conversation, and why?

I don't particularly want to say it. I'm interested in the issue as to whether discussing some physical attributes are generally considered more attractive than others counts as body shaming.

But why would you need to discuss whether some physical attributes are more attractive than others? What value does that conversation bring?

In a group of friends, talking about what you like - probably there'll be no issue.

I appreciate all that and obviously no one should deliberately try to offend.

But we are discussing here the definition of an abstract term "body shaming", not someones individual preferences. Hence I find it difficult to understand how we can possibly do that without stating examples of things that may or not be body shaming.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think intent is key. Constructive criticism over weight , whether over or under weight, is always a delicate matter. It has been exacerbated recently with this victim hood culture and the fat acceptance movement or fat pride. Whoch i think are very irresponsible messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's trying to make someone feel ashamed of their body, be it fat, thin, small cock, small boobs, big labia, small balls, big nose, wonky teeth etc etc.

The people who do it, I feel, have issues of their own.

Projection

And being shamed themselves, or feeling they have been, by feeling left out of the adulations."

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"(in case I'm accused of putting feelings ahead of free speech or something - the point is to take on the moral responsibility to consider carefully the *value* of your speech, and not just assume it is important - it might well be, but it's worth considering) "

In a thread titled "what is body shaping", can I humbly suggest it's difficult to see why discussing whether thing x is body shaming is inappropriate.

Anyone who doesn't want to discuss such issues can ignore the thread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In a thread titled "what is body shaping", can I humbly suggest it's difficult to see why discussing whether thing x is body shaming is inappropriate.

Anyone who doesn't want to discuss such issues can ignore the thread. "

You keep trying to suggest that certain people shouldn't post on certain threads but what you actually mean is unless they agree with you they shouldn't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's no moral judgment in that statement. It's just a statement of obvious fact.

Let's assume this is true (I'm not sure that it is).

When do you want to be able to say this in a conversation, and why?

I don't particularly want to say it. I'm interested in the issue as to whether discussing some physical attributes are generally considered more attractive than others counts as body shaming.

But why would you need to discuss whether some physical attributes are more attractive than others? What value does that conversation bring?

In a group of friends, talking about what you like - probably there'll be no issue.

I happen to think this is a really important point in the whole debate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think intent is key. Constructive criticism over weight , whether over or under weight, is always a delicate matter. It has been exacerbated recently with this victim hood culture and the fat acceptance movement or fat pride. Whoch i think are very irresponsible messages. "

The question is does the person giving the "constructive criticism" have leave to do so.

If a complete stranger in here said you need to lose weight to me my response is that it has nothing to do with them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s the intent behind the delivery of the content.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"If it is a fact or an opinion, is it still shaming?

Is it the intent, or how the person perceives the comment?"

If I say you are the largest person here. That's a fact. ( no one would say it unless asked of course )

If I say you are too large to be loved. Large bodies are hideous. No dresses here will fit you fatty; wobble off. That's an insult and shaming.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s the intent behind the delivery of the content.

And I think that's why particularly over the internet it's quite subjective because it's hard to know the Intent.

For example if a close friend or family member spoke to me and said they were concerned for my health, I would take that seriously and on board and know that it's because they loved me.

If somebody I don't know over the internet said the same thing I would be really annoyed because it's nothing to do with them and none of their business and again you don't know the Intent.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

The question is does the person giving the "constructive criticism" have leave to do so.

If a complete stranger in here said you need to lose weight to me my response is that it has nothing to do with them "

I think intent is less important. If you step on my foot, you've hurt me whether you intended to or not. You need to get off my foot.

Similar here, although murkier. You should be mindful of causing offence, and, where it's possible, ask whether it's really necessary (99% of the time that'd be no), and ask if you're really adding anything new or of value, or just tearing people down.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perception is a whole different ball game.

I can’t guarantee how I will come across to one specific person, but hopefully with careful wording of the content it will be recieved how it was intended by the majority.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think the irony here is a thread inquiring into body shaming and it’s inappropriateness can have the effect of raising issues, in such a way, that it can psychologically affect those who suffer the effects of body shaming.

Is it then inappropriate to inquire into it? Or is it just something we need to recognise as we work through it?

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think the irony here is a thread inquiring into body shaming and it’s inappropriateness can have the effect of raising issues, in such a way, that it can psychologically affect those who suffer the effects of body shaming.

Is it then inappropriate to inquire into it? Or is it just something we need to recognise as we work through it?"

I think it's something where people have to watch themselves and their own weaknesses or triggers. It's not unclear what the nature of the discussion might be.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Rachel Riley is being body shamed for being too thin as she's lost a lot of weight. Davina McCall similar last year when she posted slim pics."

The article I read about Rachel's weight loss and the comments made didn't come across to me as body shaming.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perception is a whole different ball game.

I can’t guarantee how I will come across to one specific person, but hopefully with careful wording of the content it will be recieved how it was intended by the majority."

I agree that the meaning of my communication, no matter how well intended i think it is, is ultimately measured by the response it gets from others. If it isn’t received the way I intended I have to change the way I communicate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it then inappropriate to inquire into it? Or is it just something we need to recognise as we work through it?

I think it's something where people have to watch themselves and their own weaknesses or triggers. It's not unclear what the nature of the discussion might be. "

Watching ourselves are the watch words there. Awareness of the effects of our words on others is really important in working through such sensitive topics.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It seems that whatever someone says about someone else's personal appearance, somebody will accuse them of body-shaming and get offended on the other person's behalf. It's a fairly recent bandwagon, but it seems to be a popular one, especially amongst those who really should address their own problems.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It seems that whatever someone says about someone else's personal appearance, somebody will accuse them of body-shaming and get offended on the other person's behalf. It's a fairly recent bandwagon, but it seems to be a popular one, especially amongst those who really should address their own problems."

Why can't people keep their views to themselves?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the end alot of the time people's opinions on someone are not called for.

Especially when it's negative view

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I THINK body shaming is when someone decides to mock a physical attribute in another. To what purpose I've no idea. If it's to help, then I can't think of a worse way of doing so.

There's all sorts of shaming going on here. Lots of bullying and nasty comments, hopefully mine are reactionary, directed at the bully, after they've had more than enough chances to see the error in their behaviour. If I'm guilty in anyway, I'd like to know, so I'm not inflicting pain onto others, without due cause or unknowingly.

Yes we're all different, but that doesn't give you the right to openly mock someone else for something they can't really change that easily about themselves, or in some cases, not at all.

I think it's a sad reflection of this Forum that a bully can continue to make their sly, snidey and nasty comments. Yet face no repercussions. Yet, those of us who are highly aggravated by the blatant cruelty in such comments, face immideate bans for giving bullies what they dish out. Silence is as good as acceptance, in my opinion.

I'd hoped that Fab would be one of the few places this kind of shit wasn't tolerated. That the open minded, seasoned Forum members and Swingers amongst you wouldn't tolerate that sort of narrow minded behaviour on here.

Yet again, I'm wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I THINK body shaming is when someone decides to mock a physical attribute in another. To what purpose I've no idea. If it's to help, then I can't think of a worse way of doing so.

Yes we're all different, but that doesn't give you the right to openly mock someone else for something they can't really change that easily about themselves, or in some cases, not at all.

Yet again, I'm wrong.

*edit* Not just can't or difficult to change themselves, they may not want to, either way it's still wrong to think it's ok to mock them for the size of their stomach, breasts, cock etc.