FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > So when do you decide to meet
So when do you decide to meet
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love the chatting aspect to get to know the person and stimulated the greatest sex organ we have, which is our brain.
I do find that a number on here don’t have the capacity to do so and return very short chats.
When I look at a profile I message the person or couple if I like the pics and their write up. Obviously I want to meet them but I do need to know their personality first. |
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By *lsieWoman
over a year ago
where ever |
"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?"
Morning . Yes I like to know a guy before I meet . But most men off here just want to send a couple of messages and meet for a fuck.I like to have a social .
You use this site as you want too. It's your choice . I think he said what he said because he was not getting his way .
The guy lost out not you .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I love the chatting aspect to get to know the person and stimulated the greatest sex organ we have, which is our brain.
I do find that a number on here don’t have the capacity to do so and return very short chats.
When I look at a profile I message the person or couple if I like the pics and their write up. Obviously I want to meet them but I do need to know their personality first. "
I quite agree with stimulating the mind, the sex can far hotter |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?
Morning . Yes I like to know a guy before I meet . But most men off here just want to send a couple of messages and meet for a fuck.I like to have a social .
You use this site as you want too. It's your choice . I think he said what he said because he was not getting his way .
The guy lost out not you .
"
Morning 
Yes I get this alot, afew messages at best then wanting a meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?
Morning . Yes I like to know a guy before I meet . But most men off here just want to send a couple of messages and meet for a fuck.I like to have a social .
You use this site as you want too. It's your choice . I think he said what he said because he was not getting his way .
The guy lost out not you .
Morning
Yes I get this alot, afew messages at best then wanting a meet"
Try KIK cam chat, and see if the man could hold any conversation better face to face .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would chat for as long as I felt necessary and I'd say it would be a different length of time for each person. Like yourself OP, I would want to make sure the girl I'm thinking about meeting doesn't have a rabbit boiling in a pot or isn't skinning 101 Dalmatian's to make herself a coat lol once I'm sure she's sane and that we have a bit of a chemistry then I would start to move the chat towards a potential meet |
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"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?"
Lol agreed. I would chat for a little bit to get a sense if we’d get on. Then meet for a coffee only. You know within 20 mins if you’ll meet again. I would never play on first meet. You need to feel safe and comfortable. Same applies to our couples profile now. I still won’t play on first meet! Think men are just different. |
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A combination of wanting to know them a little first and also not having much time mean that's it's generally at least a week, sometimes more like a month.
It does out the men who wanted to get their dick wet after a message or two - so, frustrating as it can be to see someone I like and have them stop chatting because I'm not free right now, it does save me some bad socials! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's all a bit rant today...
What happened to waking up with a smile on our faces....
It’s the winter woes I think. Roll on spring. "
Snowdrops are out daffs are poking through the ground birds are feeding its not raining... but I'm not convinced that spring will change many entrenched attitudes on here...
Lifes good. The alternative isn't.
Seems like today so many just want to share their misery....
Think I might just go back to the cave. Evolution can wait  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's all a bit rant today...
What happened to waking up with a smile on our faces....
It’s the winter woes I think. Roll on spring.
Snowdrops are out daffs are poking through the ground birds are feeding its not raining... but I'm not convinced that spring will change many entrenched attitudes on here...
Lifes good. The alternative isn't.
Seems like today so many just want to share their misery....
Think I might just go back to the cave. Evolution can wait "
There’s no internet there so it would be a better place! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had countless conversations die on me because they get bored or I'm not putting out quickly enough.
I won't meet until I'm sure I want to, and that might take weeks.
I don't have much free time for travelling to them and I want plenty of time with them, so that might mean they have to wait.
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"A combination of wanting to know them a little first and also not having much time mean that's it's generally at least a week, sometimes more like a month.
It does out the men who wanted to get their dick wet after a message or two - so, frustrating as it can be to see someone I like and have them stop chatting because I'm not free right now, it does save me some bad socials!"
I know I'm not an abusive, axe-wielding, stalking nut-job. The woman I'm messaging does not. However, I'm not prepared to wait months before the penny drops for her.
Now, if that correspondence is intermittent over time and it's just logistics that prevents us meeting up, then fair enough. But if she wants continual contact over a long period of time until she feels safe or trusts me then I'm not prepared to put the time or effort in.
I'm looking for someone to bump uglies with, not a lifelong partner. |
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By *inn2000Woman
over a year ago
belfast |
I always wake up with a smile on my face these days but that's because I have a super duper new coffee machine that has that first cup of life saving nectar waiting for me.
I would have an even bigger smile, of course, if I had a sexy friend to bring the coffee to me but that's a whole other fantasy
Oh wait - how long do I message for? Until that connection is forged, which can vary, but certainly takes a lot more than a few messages.
I just love verbal foreplay  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I much prefer to chat in person so if I like the profile/photos & they're what I'm looking for I suggest a social usually that day, I see no point in knowing everything about someone, then meeting & there's no chemistry.
I've tried the messaging for days, weeks & even months but when it comes to trying to arrange a meet it becomes apparent they aren't interested in actually meeting anyone. |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
I do like to chat for a while and I’m not talking just a couple of hours. For me it’s about building up sexual tension in those weeks you’re getting to know someone and a social may be involved at some point then too, but strictly social.
Slow and sensual, that’s the way I like to go. Fuck anyone who doesn’t want to play my game, or rather I don’t fuck them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in the chat for months /years camp.
A long time ago I wanted quick results. Now, I just chat and if I find myself in someone's bed, all the better. But we will be friends by that point. |
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"A combination of wanting to know them a little first and also not having much time mean that's it's generally at least a week, sometimes more like a month.
It does out the men who wanted to get their dick wet after a message or two - so, frustrating as it can be to see someone I like and have them stop chatting because I'm not free right now, it does save me some bad socials!
I know I'm not an abusive, axe-wielding, stalking nut-job. The woman I'm messaging does not. However, I'm not prepared to wait months before the penny drops for her.
Now, if that correspondence is intermittent over time and it's just logistics that prevents us meeting up, then fair enough. But if she wants continual contact over a long period of time until she feels safe or trusts me then I'm not prepared to put the time or effort in.
I'm looking for someone to bump uglies with, not a lifelong partner."
I don’t think I said anything about months? I’ve often put myself out a little to get in a quick social so that we’re not waiting more than a couple of weeks then someone can come over in the week when I feel comfortable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chatting on here for a few weeks seems reasonable,or on kik etc...at the end of the day it's a total stranger you are meeting so caution is always advised,same goes for men not just women  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In reality i want to see how we get on to say how conversation flows how easy it is cannot do with turning up and were unable to talk about awt but it normally just heads to the meet stage naturally if im in that area at the time il ask if there free for a brew but il have been chatting to most for weeks or months |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on when and if you feel ready to meet. Sometimes I get a good vibe and meet for a brew within a few weeks, other times it's months. I'm very clear about how I work in messages and on my profile so if they don't like it the choice is theirs.
I'd never feel pressured into meeting fast just to please someone else. It's as much about my experience as anyone else's and the cards are clearly laid out before it gets to that stage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chatting on here for a few weeks seems reasonable,or on kik etc...at the end of the day it's a total stranger you are meeting so caution is always advised,same goes for men not just women "
Exactly, this guy basically wanted to meet for sex today and is rather annoyed lots of woman want to chat first. I think I'd go to the safety a club if I wanted to fuck a complete stranger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I much prefer to chat in person so if I like the profile/photos & they're what I'm looking for I suggest a social usually that day, I see no point in knowing everything about someone, then meeting & there's no chemistry.
I've tried the messaging for days, weeks & even months but when it comes to trying to arrange a meet it becomes apparent they aren't interested in actually meeting anyone. "
I play it by ear. I certainly need a connection but that can be apparent quite quickly. Then I'm up for a meet, and might suggest one. I don't push though. It's important to me that the lady feels comfortable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Considering I don't like random meaningless sex just for the sake of a bit of fun.
I'd happily wait years if need be so long as the connection is there. Though fuck knows I'm not interesting enough to get by on just that |
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I'm definitely in the 'chat a while' group.
I like to get to know someone first, not every aspect & detail of their life, but personality, humour, likes, dislikes.
And it's always a social meet first, I make that very clear.
I have a very busy life. My free time is planned weeks, even months ahead so instant/quick meets are never going to happen, even if I actually wanted to.
The amount of people that aren't prepared to chat, it doesn't have to be constant flow but enough to show they are actually intrested in me, and not just another fuck is pretty high.
I got told recently by 1 person I should lower my expectations. People are here for sex not chitchat.
Well yes, I am here for sex. Great sex that for me will only be possible with soneone I feel I have a connection with. So, no I won't lower my expectations.
I may not meet very often, but when I do  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You learn more about whether there is a mutual attraction by having a face to face social for an hour or two than you do from weeks of online messaging.
Sorry but the message for weeks approach seems pointless to me and that equally applies whether you are looking for NSA, FWB or LTR. |
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"You learn more about whether there is a mutual attraction by having a face to face social for an hour or two than you do from weeks of online messaging.
Sorry but the message for weeks approach seems pointless to me and that equally applies whether you are looking for NSA, FWB or LTR."
I agree with your viewpoint.
The chats I’ve had online hardly ever represent the connection (or not) once face to face. I have many examples of fantastic connection with men I’d dismissed for sex but met for a quick veri cuppa/in a club and vice versa. Now that may be my selection process but when cracking, sparky online chat leads to real life ‘meh’ I stand by my stance of meeting for a social as quickly as logistics will allow. It also s out the ones that can’t be bothered to put a bit of effort in to get great sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm like you OP. I prefer to get a sense of what people are like before I meet them. If they aren't willing to put the effort in beforehand, it's unlikely they'll be willing to put it in during the meet. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I state in my profile that I meet when i am ready and stick to that.
It seems the people who just want a quick shag no effort,won't have a social or message for long.
I think some get confused that wanting to be safe and have a connection,isn't wanting to date. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like chatting a bit first and knowing there's at least potential there before arranging to meet.
That said one of the best meets I've had was with someone I spoke to for an hour before we discovered we were literally next door to each other and just decided to go grab a cuppa. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
People do use the site in different ways, they approach their interactions from alternate sides, if two different ways meet then there has to be compromise. That's just how life works, there's no good in getting aggressive or rude about the differences!
Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.
Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet! |
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Ball is very much in the other party's court. Who am I to turn down someone willing to throw off their clothes and meet me today? (It hasn't happened yet)!
Chatting will either confirm the desire of everyone to meet, or put someone off, and is therefore a good thing. How long for depends on mutual attraction. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It very much varies and comes down to when you both feel comfortable to take that step - that said I do look for a connection and chemistry before agreeing to meet, with one exception (that was a very specific dynamic that happened to the in nicely with a club event night) think the fastest I've met someone has been after about two months of chatting.
If it felt right and circumstances allowed it to be sooner then I wouldn't be averse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People do use the site in different ways, they approach their interactions from alternate sides, if two different ways meet then there has to be compromise. That's just how life works, there's no good in getting aggressive or rude about the differences!
Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.
Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet! "
There are women and couples and men and tv's who want fuck n go.
If I don't want that we're just not compatible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Messaging - one of fabs best filter, you can tell a lot from the written word. In this case you didn’t like his tone and he’s filtered out of your search process.
Don’t ever feel that you’re ‘doing this wrong’ or should be on another site and never be pressurised into changing your process.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"People do use the site in different ways, they approach their interactions from alternate sides, if two different ways meet then there has to be compromise. That's just how life works, there's no good in getting aggressive or rude about the differences!
Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.
Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet!
There are women and couples and men and tv's who want fuck n go.
If I don't want that we're just not compatible. "
I agree with you, that was implied by my post, I just didn't make it explicit enough. Its just another way of filtering out who you're compatible with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People do use the site in different ways, they approach their interactions from alternate sides, if two different ways meet then there has to be compromise. That's just how life works, there's no good in getting aggressive or rude about the differences!
Personally I've always erred on the side of longer chats (my longest was over a year), however in the past I'm happy to move at a comfortable pace for both parties.
Ultimately you both have to be comfortable about meeting, if one person is just thinking about themselves and what they want from the interaction then it doesn't bode well for a meet!
There are women and couples and men and tv's who want fuck n go.
If I don't want that we're just not compatible.
I agree with you, that was implied by my post, I just didn't make it explicit enough. Its just another way of filtering out who you're compatible with"
Yep sorry, I was just clarifying my thoughts. I wasn't disagreeing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to have plenty of chat to see if we actually get on.
It builds up a good rapport and trust between us.
We usually go to Kik or WhatsApp and eventually a few phonecalls.
If they won’t take a call they are unlikely to meet imo. |
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By *ilkenWoman
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?"
I've seen a few profiles like that and think "angry" possibly aggressive so give them a wide birth I presume most do the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I usually chat for about 6 months to a year before meeting a single guy on here, maybe excessive I know lol but if there’s no connection and banter forget it"
Bingo! Not excessive at all. Some of my happiest memories from the past were from getting to know people over a long period of time before we met. There is no time limit though because you just know when the time is right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say you chat on here until you both feel comfortable about meeting in person and that takes as long as it takes. Have to think about your comfort zone and your safety aswell."
^ Agreed ^ |
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"Just had a message from a quite a good looking guy. Havin a look and instantly put off by the moaning about women on here. One thing noticed is how he is unwilling to chat here for weeks (fuck off to a dating site if that's what you want). His wording not mine. But for me, I would want to know the guy beforehand, I wish to decrease my chances of putting myself in danger plus you need that connection. Surely if women want that thrill of a fuck with a total stranger they would go to a club?"
I agree you should get to know the other person and your safety is paramount
When you feel safe you can get on with enjoying yourself and hopefully a pleasurable evening for both |
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