FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Admire versus fancy..
Admire versus fancy..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone? |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to find the photo might catch my eye but I'll generally know within the first few messages if they're my kinda person.
I like chatting by phone after that as I think I can get a feel for the chemistry that way but yeah, until you actually meet in person I don't think you can judge. Their whole persona, mannerisms or the way they carry themself can be so different to what you expect and it just doesn't work for you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience. "
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain... |
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I admire loads of photos without fancying them. I think the difference is similar to being able to appreciate a nice dress but knowing it won't suit you.
I admire a lot of personalities on here too but I don't fancy them all |
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"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain... "
No, I don't. I see loads of men saying personality is more important than looks. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain...
No, I don't. I see loads of men saying personality is more important than looks."
I'm wondering if this is true but maybe on a slightly higher conversion to fancy.. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain... "
I think women can overthink it more, whereas some men are more gung ho go with it and see where it goes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone? "
Conversion rate ay? I’m guessing you work in marketing? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tend to find the photo might catch my eye but I'll generally know within the first few messages if they're my kinda person.
I like chatting by phone after that as I think I can get a feel for the chemistry that way but yeah, until you actually meet in person I don't think you can judge. Their whole persona, mannerisms or the way they carry themself can be so different to what you expect and it just doesn't work for you. "
Do you often get it very wrong? Where you like everything about someone but it just doesn't translate in the flesh? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone?
Conversion rate ay? I’m guessing you work in marketing?"
Ha ha no.. just trying to put into words what I'm thinking! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain... "
Definitely a female thing  |
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"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain...
No, I don't. I see loads of men saying personality is more important than looks.
I'm wondering if this is true but maybe on a slightly higher conversion to fancy.. "
I don't know. I notice it most often on threads started by men who believe that women only go for gym fit men and in response to women saying they need a connection to meet.
I think it's important to take what people say on fab at face value sprinkled with a healthy pinch of salt. I think there are men and women who need something slightly more than "fancying" someone before they will have sex with them but as a veteran of many an organised socials I've observed those who work the room in order to maximise their chances and those who genuinely try to establish a connection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too 
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I’m not sure it’s entirely a woman thing. More a human thing. I try to explain that on my profile. If I’m in a club and in “just want sex” type mood then I really don’t care. But if I meet a guy 1 on 1 then I need more, and the physical attraction is driven more by what the person is like. So I find myself more and more attracted sexually if the guy is funny, flirty, on my wavelength etc. It could be something really intangible that just turns me off.
What I do wonder if it’s because I’m single so I don’t have an emotional connection with a romantic partner so perhaps there’s a bit of me that seeks that out in the people I meet. Even if I’m not actively looking for something more (which I’m not right now).
V x
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
"
This. Exactly.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me personally, there should be a lil more depth, the more you know or understand of a person the more pleasure can be gained, in whatever form that pleasure may take   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain...
No, I don't. I see loads of men saying personality is more important than looks.
I'm wondering if this is true but maybe on a slightly higher conversion to fancy..
I don't know. I notice it most often on threads started by men who believe that women only go for gym fit men and in response to women saying they need a connection to meet.
I think it's important to take what people say on fab at face value sprinkled with a healthy pinch of salt. I think there are men and women who need something slightly more than "fancying" someone before they will have sex with them but as a veteran of many an organised socials I've observed those who work the room in order to maximise their chances and those who genuinely try to establish a connection. "
Very much so.. people watching is fascinating! There's so many empty complements on here it's so not like real life.. but a mutual appreciation of photos can obviously lead to great conversation. I see them as more of an introduction than any element of truth. Often people see people like me, who very rarely meet, as super fussy rather than actually requiring a connection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain...
Definitely a female thing "
Not at all. I'm probably about the same as OP. Only, I feel I can get quite a strong idea about chemistry via messages and post reading. Like you say, it doesn't always translate in the flesh though.
My conversion rate? Probably 1 out of 5 people I start talking more intimately with, turns into a meet of some description. |
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"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain...
No, I don't. I see loads of men saying personality is more important than looks.
I'm wondering if this is true but maybe on a slightly higher conversion to fancy..
I don't know. I notice it most often on threads started by men who believe that women only go for gym fit men and in response to women saying they need a connection to meet.
I think it's important to take what people say on fab at face value sprinkled with a healthy pinch of salt. I think there are men and women who need something slightly more than "fancying" someone before they will have sex with them but as a veteran of many an organised socials I've observed those who work the room in order to maximise their chances and those who genuinely try to establish a connection.
Very much so.. people watching is fascinating! There's so many empty complements on here it's so not like real life.. but a mutual appreciation of photos can obviously lead to great conversation. I see them as more of an introduction than any element of truth. Often people see people like me, who very rarely meet, as super fussy rather than actually requiring a connection. "
Do you think that more singles require a connection than couples? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m not sure it’s entirely a woman thing. More a human thing. I try to explain that on my profile. If I’m in a club and in “just want sex” type mood then I really don’t care. But if I meet a guy 1 on 1 then I need more, and the physical attraction is driven more by what the person is like. So I find myself more and more attracted sexually if the guy is funny, flirty, on my wavelength etc. It could be something really intangible that just turns me off.
What I do wonder if it’s because I’m single so I don’t have an emotional connection with a romantic partner so perhaps there’s a bit of me that seeks that out in the people I meet. Even if I’m not actively looking for something more (which I’m not right now).
V x
"
That's interesting.. as a fellow singleton I get this completely. I don't do clubs so can't compare but that makes total sense. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience.
Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain...
No, I don't. I see loads of men saying personality is more important than looks.
I'm wondering if this is true but maybe on a slightly higher conversion to fancy..
I don't know. I notice it most often on threads started by men who believe that women only go for gym fit men and in response to women saying they need a connection to meet.
I think it's important to take what people say on fab at face value sprinkled with a healthy pinch of salt. I think there are men and women who need something slightly more than "fancying" someone before they will have sex with them but as a veteran of many an organised socials I've observed those who work the room in order to maximise their chances and those who genuinely try to establish a connection.
Very much so.. people watching is fascinating! There's so many empty complements on here it's so not like real life.. but a mutual appreciation of photos can obviously lead to great conversation. I see them as more of an introduction than any element of truth. Often people see people like me, who very rarely meet, as super fussy rather than actually requiring a connection.
Do you think that more singles require a connection than couples? "
I think it may be a slightly different kind of connection required.. having read what V said above, I do think maybe singletons may enjoy an element of compatability just without the strings of a traditional set up... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I like the post up there with the dress analogy. I can admire lots of photos/posts on here but I don't get quim quivers for them.
I find it easy to fancy someone if I'm attracted to them and there's that chemistry.
I don't see your attitude as belonging solely to women - male friends of mine are like you - they can talk but not necessarily want to fuck someone when they meet.
I'm not sure of my conversion rate - I start conversations a lot because I like talking but sometimes there's just not more to go on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
"
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low? |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
It takes a real lot for me to have chemistry with somebody and it's something that I can definitely only know once I I've met them in person.
I can appreciate nice photos, and well written messages.
Nothing can influence whether there is chemistry or not apart from actually meeting that person, and seeing if we vibe. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them."
Huge difference yes! Do you think it's fairly even between the sexes on how this translates? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like the post up there with the dress analogy. I can admire lots of photos/posts on here but I don't get quim quivers for them.
I find it easy to fancy someone if I'm attracted to them and there's that chemistry.
I don't see your attitude as belonging solely to women - male friends of mine are like you - they can talk but not necessarily want to fuck someone when they meet.
I'm not sure of my conversion rate - I start conversations a lot because I like talking but sometimes there's just not more to go on."
Do you find you can fancy someone purely by online chat? Or do you think it's simply admire until you see them in the flesh? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Do you find you can fancy someone purely by online chat? Or do you think it's simply admire until you see them in the flesh? "
Ermm... I think if I've been chatting to someone long enough, videos, calls, audios etc I can fancy them. So not *purely* online chat.
There's a part of me that's aware there might be no chemistry but I can normally tell (for all my self deprecation). |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them.
Huge difference yes! Do you think it's fairly even between the sexes on how this translates? "
On here, I'd say no, it's not that evenly balanced, whilst a lot of guys, myself included, need that "fancy" factor to take things further, we see daily that for most it would appear that it matters not one bit - but then here will always give a skewed result because of the number imbalance and the sheer desperation, that some seem to have, to get a meet, any meet.
Out in the wider world I'm not so sure - I think men generally are more aesthetically attracted than women are, and so may have a tendency to fancy quicker because of that I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you find you can fancy someone purely by online chat? Or do you think it's simply admire until you see them in the flesh?
Ermm... I think if I've been chatting to someone long enough, videos, calls, audios etc I can fancy them. So not *purely* online chat.
There's a part of me that's aware there might be no chemistry but I can normally tell (for all my self deprecation)."
Hmm maybe video chats are the way forward.. I can't be over friendly with people I chat to because I'm always super aware that I don't fancy many people. Maybe seeing mannerisms and chatting to their face sooner would be really useful. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Do you find you can fancy someone purely by online chat? Or do you think it's simply admire until you see them in the flesh? "
I think it's possible, if there's enough interaction and chemistry built through that interaction, but there is an inherent danger that it may not translate to meeting them in the flesh, and that can lead to both awkwardness and disappointment, so is something to be very guarded against. |
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"I admire loads of photos without fancying them. I think the difference is similar to being able to appreciate a nice dress but knowing it won't suit you.
I admire a lot of personalities on here too but I don't fancy them all"
I've admired and fancied your for years. But you know that |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"
Do you think that more singles require a connection than couples? "
This is true in my experience. I’ve been here as a couple and would actively avoid connection when I was meeting others. I didn’t need it because I didn’t care if it was a good meet-up or not. I had the connection elsewhere.
But as a single woman now I find that connection on some level is really important. If I’m not laughing ain’t no one getting fucked that’s for sure. I need that and it’s what drives me to fancy the person rather than the profile.
V x
|
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"
Do you find you can fancy someone purely by online chat? Or do you think it's simply admire until you see them in the flesh?
I think it's possible, if there's enough interaction and chemistry built through that interaction, but there is an inherent danger that it may not translate to meeting them in the flesh, and that can lead to both awkwardness and disappointment, so is something to be very guarded against."
Been there. It’s a hideous feeling.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them.
Huge difference yes! Do you think it's fairly even between the sexes on how this translates?
On here, I'd say no, it's not that evenly balanced, whilst a lot of guys, myself included, need that "fancy" factor to take things further, we see daily that for most it would appear that it matters not one bit - but then here will always give a skewed result because of the number imbalance and the sheer desperation, that some seem to have, to get a meet, any meet.
Out in the wider world I'm not so sure - I think men generally are more aesthetically attracted than women are, and so may have a tendency to fancy quicker because of that I guess."
That's interesting.. I do get the impression men find it slightly easier to fancy than women, though obviously that's generalised, not gospel. I wonder why on here things are so extreme? If women were the minority would things be any different in how much they needed an attraction to meet? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Do you think that more singles require a connection than couples?
This is true in my experience. I’ve been here as a couple and would actively avoid connection when I was meeting others. I didn’t need it because I didn’t care if it was a good meet-up or not. I had the connection elsewhere.
But as a single woman now I find that connection on some level is really important. If I’m not laughing ain’t no one getting fucked that’s for sure. I need that and it’s what drives me to fancy the person rather than the profile.
V x
"
That's really interesting.. so it seems maybe couples and singletons, as a general rule, are looking for completely different things? |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"
Do you think that more singles require a connection than couples?
This is true in my experience. I’ve been here as a couple and would actively avoid connection when I was meeting others. I didn’t need it because I didn’t care if it was a good meet-up or not. I had the connection elsewhere.
But as a single woman now I find that connection on some level is really important. If I’m not laughing ain’t no one getting fucked that’s for sure. I need that and it’s what drives me to fancy the person rather than the profile.
V x
That's really interesting.. so it seems maybe couples and singletons, as a general rule, are looking for completely different things? "
It’s a sweeping generalisation of course and excludes those in poly/open relationships who have romantic connections with different partners. But for me, I think so.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone? "
I admire many but its very few who actually make (as quoted from shameless) 'my fanny go all wavy' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low? "
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
|
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them.
Huge difference yes! Do you think it's fairly even between the sexes on how this translates?
On here, I'd say no, it's not that evenly balanced, whilst a lot of guys, myself included, need that "fancy" factor to take things further, we see daily that for most it would appear that it matters not one bit - but then here will always give a skewed result because of the number imbalance and the sheer desperation, that some seem to have, to get a meet, any meet.
Out in the wider world I'm not so sure - I think men generally are more aesthetically attracted than women are, and so may have a tendency to fancy quicker because of that I guess.
That's interesting.. I do get the impression men find it slightly easier to fancy than women, though obviously that's generalised, not gospel. I wonder why on here things are so extreme? If women were the minority would things be any different in how much they needed an attraction to meet? "
I think on here, as I said, there's a skewed version of reality that is mainly down to the number imbalance, so *some* men will bandy about the "fancy" word to anyone that will give them the time of day, whether they actually do "fancy" the people concerned in the truest sense of the word is another matter.
Actually that raises another point, has the definition of "fancying" someone become distorted on here to become a catch all phrase for someone you find attractive?
I don't actually think it would be any different if women were in the minority, other than perhaps men would become more selective in their "fancying" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them.
Huge difference yes! Do you think it's fairly even between the sexes on how this translates?
On here, I'd say no, it's not that evenly balanced, whilst a lot of guys, myself included, need that "fancy" factor to take things further, we see daily that for most it would appear that it matters not one bit - but then here will always give a skewed result because of the number imbalance and the sheer desperation, that some seem to have, to get a meet, any meet.
Out in the wider world I'm not so sure - I think men generally are more aesthetically attracted than women are, and so may have a tendency to fancy quicker because of that I guess.
That's interesting.. I do get the impression men find it slightly easier to fancy than women, though obviously that's generalised, not gospel. I wonder why on here things are so extreme? If women were the minority would things be any different in how much they needed an attraction to meet?
I think on here, as I said, there's a skewed version of reality that is mainly down to the number imbalance, so *some* men will bandy about the "fancy" word to anyone that will give them the time of day, whether they actually do "fancy" the people concerned in the truest sense of the word is another matter.
Actually that raises another point, has the definition of "fancying" someone become distorted on here to become a catch all phrase for someone you find attractive?
I don't actually think it would be any different if women were in the minority, other than perhaps men would become more selective in their "fancying""
Very much so.. I don't 'fancy' anyone I've not met. I merely admire their photos or posts.. which is kind of what's bothering me as I'm wondering if I'm emotionally crippled by not being able to fancy many people!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low?
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
"
Fascinating as always!! You're very 'logical' on this subject... taking away how you believe you are perceived... what's the difference for you between being interested and fancying? Have you set barriers based on what bracket you believe you fall into?? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I think on here, as I said, there's a skewed version of reality that is mainly down to the number imbalance, so *some* men will bandy about the "fancy" word to anyone that will give them the time of day, whether they actually do "fancy" the people concerned in the truest sense of the word is another matter.
Actually that raises another point, has the definition of "fancying" someone become distorted on here to become a catch all phrase for someone you find attractive?
I don't actually think it would be any different if women were in the minority, other than perhaps men would become more selective in their "fancying"
Very much so.. I don't 'fancy' anyone I've not met. I merely admire their photos or posts.. which is kind of what's bothering me as I'm wondering if I'm emotionally crippled by not being able to fancy many people!! "
Not at all - putting this place aside for a moment - in the real world we each encounter different people every day, some of which we'll think are attractive, but we don't "fancy" them normally, certainly not at first sight - "fancying" someone is usually a gradual process that happens over a period of time as you get to know someone.
And for most people that process only happens with a handful of people throughout their life and is usually controlled by other factors such as being in a relationship or feeling emotionally available etc
If we fancied everyone we encounter that we find attractive, we'd be in a constant state of fancying!!
So not in the slightest bit emotionally crippled at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low?
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
Fascinating as always!! You're very 'logical' on this subject... taking away how you believe you are perceived... what's the difference for you between being interested and fancying? Have you set barriers based on what bracket you believe you fall into?? "
Having given it some thought, and the two are so intertwined that it is difficult to seperate the two. There has to be a level of attraction to even appear on my radar to generate interest. I have to find someone interesting to find them attractive.
I do filter myself out quite heavily and have been genuinely surprised to find that there are people who find me either interesting or even vaguely attractive.
I'm no longer looking for meaningless NSA, but I'm not looking for a relationship. Where does that leave me on fab? Friends with the potential for benefits?
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I think on here, as I said, there's a skewed version of reality that is mainly down to the number imbalance, so *some* men will bandy about the "fancy" word to anyone that will give them the time of day, whether they actually do "fancy" the people concerned in the truest sense of the word is another matter.
Actually that raises another point, has the definition of "fancying" someone become distorted on here to become a catch all phrase for someone you find attractive?
I don't actually think it would be any different if women were in the minority, other than perhaps men would become more selective in their "fancying"
Very much so.. I don't 'fancy' anyone I've not met. I merely admire their photos or posts.. which is kind of what's bothering me as I'm wondering if I'm emotionally crippled by not being able to fancy many people!!
Not at all - putting this place aside for a moment - in the real world we each encounter different people every day, some of which we'll think are attractive, but we don't "fancy" them normally, certainly not at first sight - "fancying" someone is usually a gradual process that happens over a period of time as you get to know someone.
And for most people that process only happens with a handful of people throughout their life and is usually controlled by other factors such as being in a relationship or feeling emotionally available etc
If we fancied everyone we encounter that we find attractive, we'd be in a constant state of fancying!!
So not in the slightest bit emotionally crippled at all. "
So on that basis.. is fab any different from a place like tinder for singletons? Do people have an expectation that they'll get an easier match on here, whilst in reality we work off the same principals as normal life and other sites? In a way it's harder when there's no personal information or multiple face shots to draw someone in... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low?
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
Fascinating as always!! You're very 'logical' on this subject... taking away how you believe you are perceived... what's the difference for you between being interested and fancying? Have you set barriers based on what bracket you believe you fall into??
Having given it some thought, and the two are so intertwined that it is difficult to seperate the two. There has to be a level of attraction to even appear on my radar to generate interest. I have to find someone interesting to find them attractive.
I do filter myself out quite heavily and have been genuinely surprised to find that there are people who find me either interesting or even vaguely attractive.
I'm no longer looking for meaningless NSA, but I'm not looking for a relationship. Where does that leave me on fab? Friends with the potential for benefits?
"
I'd imagine in a similar place to many of us.. balancing the benefits of friendships and honest conversation with the potential for something a little more exciting.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I tend to find the photo might catch my eye but I'll generally know within the first few messages if they're my kinda person.
I like chatting by phone after that as I think I can get a feel for the chemistry that way but yeah, until you actually meet in person I don't think you can judge. Their whole persona, mannerisms or the way they carry themself can be so different to what you expect and it just doesn't work for you.
Do you often get it very wrong? Where you like everything about someone but it just doesn't translate in the flesh? "
Only once. What I thought was just banter turned out to be genuine arrogance.
|
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low?
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
Fascinating as always!! You're very 'logical' on this subject... taking away how you believe you are perceived... what's the difference for you between being interested and fancying? Have you set barriers based on what bracket you believe you fall into??
Having given it some thought, and the two are so intertwined that it is difficult to seperate the two. There has to be a level of attraction to even appear on my radar to generate interest. I have to find someone interesting to find them attractive.
I do filter myself out quite heavily and have been genuinely surprised to find that there are people who find me either interesting or even vaguely attractive.
I'm no longer looking for meaningless NSA, but I'm not looking for a relationship. Where does that leave me on fab? Friends with the potential for benefits?
I'd imagine in a similar place to many of us.. balancing the benefits of friendships and honest conversation with the potential for something a little more exciting.. "
The same for me. Somewhere in between NSA and FWB is where I want to be. The strings are strings of friendship, respect, honesty etc with an underlying sexual attraction and “wavy fanny”. But I don’t want undying love and romantic commitment (just yet).
I feel this thing needs a name. As much as I detest labelling things. But that’s a whole other thread.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low?
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
Fascinating as always!! You're very 'logical' on this subject... taking away how you believe you are perceived... what's the difference for you between being interested and fancying? Have you set barriers based on what bracket you believe you fall into??
Having given it some thought, and the two are so intertwined that it is difficult to seperate the two. There has to be a level of attraction to even appear on my radar to generate interest. I have to find someone interesting to find them attractive.
I do filter myself out quite heavily and have been genuinely surprised to find that there are people who find me either interesting or even vaguely attractive.
I'm no longer looking for meaningless NSA, but I'm not looking for a relationship. Where does that leave me on fab? Friends with the potential for benefits?
I'd imagine in a similar place to many of us.. balancing the benefits of friendships and honest conversation with the potential for something a little more exciting..
The same for me. Somewhere in between NSA and FWB is where I want to be. The strings are strings of friendship, respect, honesty etc with an underlying sexual attraction and “wavy fanny”. But I don’t want undying love and romantic commitment (just yet).
I feel this thing needs a name. As much as I detest labelling things. But that’s a whole other thread.
V x "
I'll start a thread about that later, see what the forums come up with |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I like who I like. It is normally through striking up a conversation on the forums and working from there.
There are people I want to meet socially who I find fascinating and because I have got to know them I would love to get intimate with.
I can't do a message/meet and fuck any more. There are clubs if I want to just do a bit of small talk then play. Here it is far more complex.
Strangely enough there are forumites that I initially disliked, until I chatted with them and realised their persona on here is completely different to the real them. I now have some of them as friends and would do anything to help them. I also fancy them a bit too
The difference between an initial "oooft" I want some of that to an "over time you have grown on me" is what makes fab enjoyable.
Ha ha love that phrase! From a guys point of view do you find that transition from oooft to fancy fairly high or low?
I'm not wired the same as some men on fab so I'm not a good test subject. People tend to fall into 3 categories for me (on fab).
1. Out of my league - A superficial twinge in the nuts that on closer inspection I know I'm not what they are looking for. I don't even attempt to interact as I'll be lost in a sea of cock pics.
2. The slow burn - A forum post triggers an interest based on what they say and I'll message because they interest me . These tend to be the growers and over time we both agree that a social will be a good idea. Intimacy is a possibility but not expected.
3. The Scientists. Those who observe me, take an interest in my posts or profile, refuse point blank to get involved with married men, but want to meet me out of curiosity! I have met several ladies socially in this bracket but I know (and accept) that we'll never tear each others clothes off.
To measure "success" I have my own benchmark. Do I have lots of fab friends that would happily go for a few drinks, dance around like idiots and stumble home for a kebab afterwards? Oh yes.
Am I likely to have carnal knowledge with any/many of them? I doubt it.
Am I happy with fab? Absolutely!
Sorry for the ramble by the way...
Fascinating as always!! You're very 'logical' on this subject... taking away how you believe you are perceived... what's the difference for you between being interested and fancying? Have you set barriers based on what bracket you believe you fall into??
Having given it some thought, and the two are so intertwined that it is difficult to seperate the two. There has to be a level of attraction to even appear on my radar to generate interest. I have to find someone interesting to find them attractive.
I do filter myself out quite heavily and have been genuinely surprised to find that there are people who find me either interesting or even vaguely attractive.
I'm no longer looking for meaningless NSA, but I'm not looking for a relationship. Where does that leave me on fab? Friends with the potential for benefits?
I'd imagine in a similar place to many of us.. balancing the benefits of friendships and honest conversation with the potential for something a little more exciting..
The same for me. Somewhere in between NSA and FWB is where I want to be. The strings are strings of friendship, respect, honesty etc with an underlying sexual attraction and “wavy fanny”. But I don’t want undying love and romantic commitment (just yet).
I feel this thing needs a name. As much as I detest labelling things. But that’s a whole other thread.
V x "
I agree I don't think us singletons are very good at communicating what we want as a group.. it sometimes comes across as negative rather than things that put us on the same page!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx"
I think this is more common than we both think talking to others on here! Seems many singletons approach this in a very similar way to how we think yet we are just not communicating that that's what we are after. People make assumptions, based on what they see when people pop on and off the forums having some light banter, that others find it easier to meet. Looks like we are not the odd ones |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx
I think this is more common than we both think talking to others on here! Seems many singletons approach this in a very similar way to how we think yet we are just not communicating that that's what we are after. People make assumptions, based on what they see when people pop on and off the forums having some light banter, that others find it easier to meet. Looks like we are not the odd ones "
Saying that though I’m quite happy with my oddness and the way I am . Actually make that unique, it’s much better haha  |
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I have never met someone and them not be, personality wise, exactly as i thought they would be.
Looks wise women generally look different to photos. But generally with experience you can see the real them in photos when you look properly.
"Do you think it's a female thing to need that extra layer of attraction?
Just wondering if this site is made harder by not only so few women, but also the way some of us require this magical 'fancy' part that we can't explain... "
I don't think there is an extra layer of attraction wanted by females. I just think some leave it until they meet you to decide if they like your personality or not, where guys can decide online.
For example, lets imagine I look exactly like my photos, and lets imagine in person I am exactly like how I come across in messages/posts. A woman could still turn me down when meeting me, because she simply decided "I'll wait to meet him in person to see if I like him".
But if you were exactly like your photos, and exactly how you come across on forums/messages, then every single guy who meets you is gonna be like "awesome, shes exactly the girl i like online". With guys you basically only have to get close. Can be a bit off and most guys just give you the benefit of the doubt. Cause they already like your looks and personality (in general). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx
I think this is more common than we both think talking to others on here! Seems many singletons approach this in a very similar way to how we think yet we are just not communicating that that's what we are after. People make assumptions, based on what they see when people pop on and off the forums having some light banter, that others find it easier to meet. Looks like we are not the odd ones
Saying that though I’m quite happy with my oddness and the way I am . Actually make that unique, it’s much better haha "
Ha ha me too!! I embrace my oddities.. but it would be lovely to find someone with equal oddness that totally gets this! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx"
You could just use the forums. There's no rules for the minimum number of fucks we must give out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I fancy very few if i’m honest. I’m much better at gauging potential attraction in person, rather than online.
Online profiles of folk are flat with no depth to them, even chatting for awhile you don’t really tell how a person is, you just get a snapshot.
I appreciate a nice photo, but it’s their personality i want to experience. "
This for me too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx
You could just use the forums. There's no rules for the minimum number of fucks we must give out. "
Really?? Now you tell me! Ffs i thought the rule was at least once a week. Poxy men and their lies. I’m so gullible sometimes  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx
You could just use the forums. There's no rules for the minimum number of fucks we must give out.
Really?? Now you tell me! Ffs i thought the rule was at least once a week. Poxy men and their lies. I’m so gullible sometimes "
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"There are lots of people on here whose pics and profile text I like, but who once we start chatting there's no "spark" and so they never go beyond the "like" stage into "fancying", but then I don't necessarily start a conversation with an end game of a meet in mind as such - thoughts turn to potentially meeting someone once a connection is apparent.
That doesn't mean I don't still find that person attractive, but I think there's a difference between finding someone attractive and fancying them."
Yes exactly. And it can work the other way to, I might fancy someone's pics, but unless conversations lead me to like them too I won't meet. Conversion rate is very very low. |
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"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone? "
I’ve actually fancied people in the flesh I’ve bumped into at clubs that I wouldn’t have given the time of day on here tbh
Chatting and flirting when out , even little mannerisms that I find sexy are lost on here and in fact sometimes the ones I’ve drooled over most on fab have left me cold on a meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just read this and everything you said Saffron it could have been me saying it. I’m the same. I get this massive connection through chatting for ages and then I meet and it’s just not there. I’ve never met anyone where I’ve not thought there could be potential for more but there rarely is. I thought it was just me being ridiculously fussy but it’s nice to see it’s not. I can’t do totally NSA but i don’t want a relationship either. I want something in between but I also only really want that with one person. Like a FWB situation. I hate the term “boxes to tick” but I really do think I have too many for here. If it wasn’t for the forums I’d be long gone as i think I’ve realised Fab itself isn’t really for me but I have made some amazing friends and that’s why I can’t seem to leave so I’ve just cleared my profile and decided perhaps I need a break for a while. I just quickly popped on now as I’ve got a couple of messages I didn’t want to ignore and saw this post. What’s also strange is I can do total NSA with a woman but not with a man. I think maybe I’m just an odd one!! xx"
 pretty similar to how I feel, and I kinda knew it would come to this point, just took a little longer than I first thought. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone?
I’ve actually fancied people in the flesh I’ve bumped into at clubs that I wouldn’t have given the time of day on here tbh
Chatting and flirting when out , even little mannerisms that I find sexy are lost on here and in fact sometimes the ones I’ve drooled over most on fab have left me cold on a meet "
I'm the same with people I've met socially.. just liked something about them that I had not seen via photos or posts.. makes it incredibly hard to predict unless you socialise a fair bit! |
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Apologies, I'm a little late to the party on this one. Interesting thread though - thus, would like to comment.
For me, I can generally filter out those that I'll not truly fancy through the messaging process.
An intelligence and wit are things important to me - I view this in combination with the photographs on offer.
When meeting 'in the flesh' confident eye contact is something I find very erotic and adds to a natural connection / spark.
Of course, once the woman starts doing that biting their bottom lip thing, fluttering their eyelashes, and playing with their hair, fireworks start to go off in my groin area!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can happily admire some photos, chat to a person, fab their pics but none of that means I fancy them necessarily. "
Are you good at knowing whether or not you'll fancy them in the flesh? |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"I can happily admire some photos, chat to a person, fab their pics but none of that means I fancy them necessarily.
Are you good at knowing whether or not you'll fancy them in the flesh? "
The people I invest time in yes. Just from a few messages and a photo or two, not necessarily. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies, I'm a little late to the party on this one. Interesting thread though - thus, would like to comment.
For me, I can generally filter out those that I'll not truly fancy through the messaging process.
An intelligence and wit are things important to me - I view this in combination with the photographs on offer.
When meeting 'in the flesh' confident eye contact is something I find very erotic and adds to a natural connection / spark.
Of course, once the woman starts doing that biting their bottom lip thing, fluttering their eyelashes, and playing with their hair, fireworks start to go off in my groin area!!"
So you rely on a lot of body language to connect to someone? What if they don't give much away.. is that a negative? |
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"Apologies, I'm a little late to the party on this one. Interesting thread though - thus, would like to comment.
For me, I can generally filter out those that I'll not truly fancy through the messaging process.
An intelligence and wit are things important to me - I view this in combination with the photographs on offer.
When meeting 'in the flesh' confident eye contact is something I find very erotic and adds to a natural connection / spark.
Of course, once the woman starts doing that biting their bottom lip thing, fluttering their eyelashes, and playing with their hair, fireworks start to go off in my groin area!!
So you rely on a lot of body language to connect to someone? What if they don't give much away.. is that a negative? "
I'm turned on by the mind first and foremost, but yes, I do appreciate a lot of flirtatious body language at a first social meet. I feel sure you wouldn't, yourself, disappoint OP  |
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"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone?
I’ve actually fancied people in the flesh I’ve bumped into at clubs that I wouldn’t have given the time of day on here tbh
Chatting and flirting when out , even little mannerisms that I find sexy are lost on here and in fact sometimes the ones I’ve drooled over most on fab have left me cold on a meet
I'm the same with people I've met socially.. just liked something about them that I had not seen via photos or posts.. makes it incredibly hard to predict unless you socialise a fair bit! "
And it makes it even harder if you are looking to meet single guys at clubs ... not many clubs welcome them and just as hard when clubs do to actually get them to turn up !! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Been chatting to a few friends recently about the difference in admiring someone's photos to actually fancying them in person.
How easy do you find this?
I find it really difficult and I actually fancy less than 10% of the people I meet. Not based on any look or body type.. purely on that chemistry that's either there or not!
So what's your conversion rate and do you find it easy to fancy someone?
I’ve actually fancied people in the flesh I’ve bumped into at clubs that I wouldn’t have given the time of day on here tbh
Chatting and flirting when out , even little mannerisms that I find sexy are lost on here and in fact sometimes the ones I’ve drooled over most on fab have left me cold on a meet
I'm the same with people I've met socially.. just liked something about them that I had not seen via photos or posts.. makes it incredibly hard to predict unless you socialise a fair bit!
And it makes it even harder if you are looking to meet single guys at clubs ... not many clubs welcome them and just as hard when clubs do to actually get them to turn up !! "
It does seem really daft that men pay a premium to go to clubs, yet are rarely welcomed.. all the forum advice for single guys is to go to clubs to meet people.. yet clearly this isn't working! Is there anything you think could be changed to encourage people to get out there rather than be stuck online trying to work someone out... |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
My conversion rate is extremely low. I rarely meet anyone new these days just because there's no one local who I like enough to want them to tickle my fancy.
It's disappointing when you've liked a profile, got chatting and all good to then meet for a coffee to find that there's none of that magic chemistry there. Or they slurp their bloody coffee!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies, I'm a little late to the party on this one. Interesting thread though - thus, would like to comment.
For me, I can generally filter out those that I'll not truly fancy through the messaging process.
An intelligence and wit are things important to me - I view this in combination with the photographs on offer.
When meeting 'in the flesh' confident eye contact is something I find very erotic and adds to a natural connection / spark.
Of course, once the woman starts doing that biting their bottom lip thing, fluttering their eyelashes, and playing with their hair, fireworks start to go off in my groin area!!
So you rely on a lot of body language to connect to someone? What if they don't give much away.. is that a negative?
I'm turned on by the mind first and foremost, but yes, I do appreciate a lot of flirtatious body language at a first social meet. I feel sure you wouldn't, yourself, disappoint OP "
Ha ha I'm not easy to read... I do try to be open and relaxed in company but I'm often told that I don't give signals! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My conversion rate is extremely low. I rarely meet anyone new these days just because there's no one local who I like enough to want them to tickle my fancy.
It's disappointing when you've liked a profile, got chatting and all good to then meet for a coffee to find that there's none of that magic chemistry there. Or they slurp their bloody coffee!!"
Yeah exactly that!! It's gutting.. aside from fresh blood joining do you think there's anything that could help the situation? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I think on here, as I said, there's a skewed version of reality that is mainly down to the number imbalance, so *some* men will bandy about the "fancy" word to anyone that will give them the time of day, whether they actually do "fancy" the people concerned in the truest sense of the word is another matter.
Actually that raises another point, has the definition of "fancying" someone become distorted on here to become a catch all phrase for someone you find attractive?
I don't actually think it would be any different if women were in the minority, other than perhaps men would become more selective in their "fancying"
Very much so.. I don't 'fancy' anyone I've not met. I merely admire their photos or posts.. which is kind of what's bothering me as I'm wondering if I'm emotionally crippled by not being able to fancy many people!!
Not at all - putting this place aside for a moment - in the real world we each encounter different people every day, some of which we'll think are attractive, but we don't "fancy" them normally, certainly not at first sight - "fancying" someone is usually a gradual process that happens over a period of time as you get to know someone.
And for most people that process only happens with a handful of people throughout their life and is usually controlled by other factors such as being in a relationship or feeling emotionally available etc
If we fancied everyone we encounter that we find attractive, we'd be in a constant state of fancying!!
So not in the slightest bit emotionally crippled at all.
So on that basis.. is fab any different from a place like tinder for singletons? Do people have an expectation that they'll get an easier match on here, whilst in reality we work off the same principals as normal life and other sites? In a way it's harder when there's no personal information or multiple face shots to draw someone in... "
I've never used Tinder so wouldn't have a clue but from what I've heard about it, it's very much instantaneous attraction or not with very little to go on other than a face pic - but I may have that wrong through not having used it.
At least here you have the benefit of things like messaging, the forums and profile details to build a level of fancying on, albeit one that won't truly be known without meeting.
For some there may be an expectation of an easier match, but for most of them the expectation won't match the reality, although the reasons for that are more to do with their approach and attitude than anything.
Where it may be easier is if you're looking for something specific in terms of sexuality (e.g. an interest in BDSM) which people won't be so open about in real life or dating sites, but that's going off topic a little. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"My conversion rate is extremely low. I rarely meet anyone new these days just because there's no one local who I like enough to want them to tickle my fancy.
It's disappointing when you've liked a profile, got chatting and all good to then meet for a coffee to find that there's none of that magic chemistry there. Or they slurp their bloody coffee!!
Yeah exactly that!! It's gutting.. aside from fresh blood joining do you think there's anything that could help the situation? "
That's an interesting point, a dwindling pool of options does make things harder for many people, especially if you only really fish in the forums.
With reference to your OP it generally takes me quite a while to become really attracted to someone or 'fancy' as you put it. There's the initial attraction from pictures etc but it takes me a degree of interaction to know if we're compatible and to know if I actually like the person. |
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