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Hope This Doesn't Make Me Look Like A Twat But...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A little story for you.
I split with my ex just over 2 years ago. We split after 5 and a half years as I wasn't 100% happy. I've been on the move around the UK since I was 17yo. Moved to Blackpool and not stayed in the same place more than a year. I need change and variety in my life. As I'm sure I've mentioned before...
My ex is perfection! She didn't think so and was very body conscious. Even when I told her everyday! I can't think of anything bad to say about her, except she spends too much time on Facebook! We met by chance and there was a spark instantly. Started texting and she invited me up to watch a film. It was going well and she asked me what I wanted out of life, I told her straight. I was planning on travelling in a month. I didn't want kids, didn't want a girlfriend with kids (she has 3) and I didn't want to settle down. We ended up cwtched up on the sofa and had our first kiss... That was it! We fell in love!
Ended up staying with her for over 5 years. First few years was fantastic but I started to get itchy feet again!  I loved her with all my heart and I tried for another 3 odd years. Got enganged too. I was happy with her but the life not so much. Working and routine and staying in the same place and feeling stuck. She knew my character and she could obviously tell early on there was something wrong. We talked about it for years but I couldn't leave her. One day I decided I couldn't do it to her as I knew 1 day I would have to travel. Why prolong it... we talked and decided that it was best to end it. Not easy but had to be done. So that was it... maybe! We ended up seeing each other now and then for a further 15 months or so just to be together again. We stopped seeing eachother about 7 months ago. We stopped texting and chatting too as we both knew I wouldn't end up going anywhere!
I've had a few accounts over the past couple of years. I did find it difficult the first few profiles. Probably because I was still seeing her, well not probably it was! I felt like I'd be cheating on her if I met someone. I did try but I think I was sabotaging myself not to meet anyone. She knew I was on here, I could see she didn't like it though. That's why I deleted 2 accounts. Since we've stopped all contact it's been better. If we don't have contact then we're okish.
The point of this thread is this... Has anyone had a simular situation? Also, how do you stop loving them? I know time etc... but how long. I've split up with people before but this is different. I have so much pent up love inside of me that needs releasing but I really don't want to love anyone. I hope that doesn't make me unmeetable as I've been told the 'L' word is like poison on here... I told this to someone on here and they said that I'm looking for a girlfriend not just a FBW. That I am not! I'm not changes my plans for anyone!  Done that once and found and lost my true love. I'm happy we had the time together, better to have loved and lost...
I know I'm being soft. Just seeing if anyone else has been through it. Also I needed to get it out and someone to tell me to just get the fuck over it! And I know you wont disappoint. I'm gone next month anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A little story for you.
I split with my ex just over 2 years ago. We split after 5 and a half years as I wasn't 100% happy. I've been on the move around the UK since I was 17yo. Moved to Blackpool and not stayed in the same place more than a year. I need change and variety in my life. As I'm sure I've mentioned before...
My ex is perfection! She didn't think so and was very body conscious. Even when I told her everyday! I can't think of anything bad to say about her, except she spends too much time on Facebook! We met by chance and there was a spark instantly. Started texting and she invited me up to watch a film. It was going well and she asked me what I wanted out of life, I told her straight. I was planning on travelling in a month. I didn't want kids, didn't want a girlfriend with kids (she has 3) and I didn't want to settle down. We ended up cwtched up on the sofa and had our first kiss... That was it! We fell in love!
Ended up staying with her for over 5 years. First few years was fantastic but I started to get itchy feet again! I loved her with all my heart and I tried for another 3 odd years. Got enganged too. I was happy with her but the life not so much. Working and routine and staying in the same place and feeling stuck. She knew my character and she could obviously tell early on there was something wrong. We talked about it for years but I couldn't leave her. One day I decided I couldn't do it to her as I knew 1 day I would have to travel. Why prolong it... we talked and decided that it was best to end it. Not easy but had to be done. So that was it... maybe! We ended up seeing each other now and then for a further 15 months or so just to be together again. We stopped seeing eachother about 7 months ago. We stopped texting and chatting too as we both knew I wouldn't end up going anywhere!
I've had a few accounts over the past couple of years. I did find it difficult the first few profiles. Probably because I was still seeing her, well not probably it was! I felt like I'd be cheating on her if I met someone. I did try but I think I was sabotaging myself not to meet anyone. She knew I was on here, I could see she didn't like it though. That's why I deleted 2 accounts. Since we've stopped all contact it's been better. If we don't have contact then we're okish. "
I read this and popping into my head was
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6ZDsUGiGqM |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A little story for you.
I split with my ex just over 2 years ago. We split after 5 and a half years as I wasn't 100% happy. I've been on the move around the UK since I was 17yo. Moved to Blackpool and not stayed in the same place more than a year. I need change and variety in my life. As I'm sure I've mentioned before...
My ex is perfection! She didn't think so and was very body conscious. Even when I told her everyday! I can't think of anything bad to say about her, except she spends too much time on Facebook! We met by chance and there was a spark instantly. Started texting and she invited me up to watch a film. It was going well and she asked me what I wanted out of life, I told her straight. I was planning on travelling in a month. I didn't want kids, didn't want a girlfriend with kids (she has 3) and I didn't want to settle down. We ended up cwtched up on the sofa and had our first kiss... That was it! We fell in love!
Ended up staying with her for over 5 years. First few years was fantastic but I started to get itchy feet again! I loved her with all my heart and I tried for another 3 odd years. Got enganged too. I was happy with her but the life not so much. Working and routine and staying in the same place and feeling stuck. She knew my character and she could obviously tell early on there was something wrong. We talked about it for years but I couldn't leave her. One day I decided I couldn't do it to her as I knew 1 day I would have to travel. Why prolong it... we talked and decided that it was best to end it. Not easy but had to be done. So that was it... maybe! We ended up seeing each other now and then for a further 15 months or so just to be together again. We stopped seeing eachother about 7 months ago. We stopped texting and chatting too as we both knew I wouldn't end up going anywhere!
I've had a few accounts over the past couple of years. I did find it difficult the first few profiles. Probably because I was still seeing her, well not probably it was! I felt like I'd be cheating on her if I met someone. I did try but I think I was sabotaging myself not to meet anyone. She knew I was on here, I could see she didn't like it though. That's why I deleted 2 accounts. Since we've stopped all contact it's been better. If we don't have contact then we're okish.
The point of this thread is this... Has anyone had a simular situation? Also, how do you stop loving them? I know time etc... but how long. I've split up with people before but this is different. I have so much pent up love inside of me that needs releasing but I really don't want to love anyone. I hope that doesn't make me unmeetable as I've been told the 'L' word is like poison on here... I told this to someone on here and they said that I'm looking for a girlfriend not just a FBW. That I am not! I'm not changes my plans for anyone! Done that once and found and lost my true love. I'm happy we had the time together, better to have loved and lost...
I know I'm being soft. Just seeing if anyone else has been through it. Also I needed to get it out and someone to tell me to just get the fuck over it! And I know you wont disappoint. I'm gone next month anyway. "
Awww that’s sweet but sad too.
I know that’s no help though sorry  |
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In my experience when you split with someone and you're serious about splitting up then the best way forward is no contact.
Keeping in touch, having make up sex, etc etc is just prolonging the inevitable.
Not fair to either of you.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Yeah used to like listening to that. Maybe that's why I'm such a soppy twat? Simon Bates Our Tune if you don't do the link. Maybe I should send it to Dave Berry on Absolute? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A little story for you.
I split with my ex just over 2 years ago. We split after 5 and a half years as I wasn't 100% happy. I've been on the move around the UK since I was 17yo. Moved to Blackpool and not stayed in the same place more than a year. I need change and variety in my life. As I'm sure I've mentioned before...
My ex is perfection! She didn't think so and was very body conscious. Even when I told her everyday! I can't think of anything bad to say about her, except she spends too much time on Facebook! We met by chance and there was a spark instantly. Started texting and she invited me up to watch a film. It was going well and she asked me what I wanted out of life, I told her straight. I was planning on travelling in a month. I didn't want kids, didn't want a girlfriend with kids (she has 3) and I didn't want to settle down. We ended up cwtched up on the sofa and had our first kiss... That was it! We fell in love!
Ended up staying with her for over 5 years. First few years was fantastic but I started to get itchy feet again! I loved her with all my heart and I tried for another 3 odd years. Got enganged too. I was happy with her but the life not so much. Working and routine and staying in the same place and feeling stuck. She knew my character and she could obviously tell early on there was something wrong. We talked about it for years but I couldn't leave her. One day I decided I couldn't do it to her as I knew 1 day I would have to travel. Why prolong it... we talked and decided that it was best to end it. Not easy but had to be done. So that was it... maybe! We ended up seeing each other now and then for a further 15 months or so just to be together again. We stopped seeing eachother about 7 months ago. We stopped texting and chatting too as we both knew I wouldn't end up going anywhere!
I've had a few accounts over the past couple of years. I did find it difficult the first few profiles. Probably because I was still seeing her, well not probably it was! I felt like I'd be cheating on her if I met someone. I did try but I think I was sabotaging myself not to meet anyone. She knew I was on here, I could see she didn't like it though. That's why I deleted 2 accounts. Since we've stopped all contact it's been better. If we don't have contact then we're okish.
The point of this thread is this... Has anyone had a simular situation? Also, how do you stop loving them? I know time etc... but how long. I've split up with people before but this is different. I have so much pent up love inside of me that needs releasing but I really don't want to love anyone. I hope that doesn't make me unmeetable as I've been told the 'L' word is like poison on here... I told this to someone on here and they said that I'm looking for a girlfriend not just a FBW. That I am not! I'm not changes my plans for anyone! Done that once and found and lost my true love. I'm happy we had the time together, better to have loved and lost...
I know I'm being soft. Just seeing if anyone else has been through it. Also I needed to get it out and someone to tell me to just get the fuck over it! And I know you wont disappoint. I'm gone next month anyway.
Awww that’s sweet but sad too.
I know that’s no help though sorry "
That's what it was like. Happy and sad at the same time... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"In my experience when you split with someone and you're serious about splitting up then the best way forward is no contact.
Keeping in touch, having make up sex, etc etc is just prolonging the inevitable.
Not fair to either of you.
"
Yeah that's why we stopped. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"In my experience when you split with someone and you're serious about splitting up then the best way forward is no contact.
Keeping in touch, having make up sex, etc etc is just prolonging the inevitable.
Not fair to either of you.
"
This. The fact that you both keep picking each other up again and HAVE to keep some distance or you’re both tempted, gives off the unfinished business vibe.
If it’s over it’s over. You’d both know it. This doesn’t sound like it’s over, just that you're telling yourself that because you’re a restless soul and don’t want to be tied down. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"In my experience when you split with someone and you're serious about splitting up then the best way forward is no contact.
Keeping in touch, having make up sex, etc etc is just prolonging the inevitable.
Not fair to either of you.
This. The fact that you both keep picking each other up again and HAVE to keep some distance or you’re both tempted, gives off the unfinished business vibe.
If it’s over it’s over. You’d both know it. This doesn’t sound like it’s over, just that you're telling yourself that because you’re a restless soul and don’t want to be tied down."
Oh it's over! I'm moving to Norway end of next month then travelling Europe. Think that'll be enough distance. It's the whole point we split. Not going back now I bought a backpack and everything! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have the feeling you are going to go travelling now and find that doesn't really make you happy either. Sad times"
Why wouldn't it? That's what does make me happy. Being in the move. I'm good with it and moving on. We split over 2 years ago so we have had time and knew it was coming to a permanent end for 15 months! I just felt like sharing that's all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A little story for you.
I split with my ex just over 2 years ago. We split after 5 and a half years as I wasn't 100% happy. I've been on the move around the UK since I was 17yo. Moved to Blackpool and not stayed in the same place more than a year. I need change and variety in my life. As I'm sure I've mentioned before...
My ex is perfection! She didn't think so and was very body conscious. Even when I told her everyday! I can't think of anything bad to say about her, except she spends too much time on Facebook! We met by chance and there was a spark instantly. Started texting and she invited me up to watch a film. It was going well and she asked me what I wanted out of life, I told her straight. I was planning on travelling in a month. I didn't want kids, didn't want a girlfriend with kids (she has 3) and I didn't want to settle down. We ended up cwtched up on the sofa and had our first kiss... That was it! We fell in love!
Ended up staying with her for over 5 years. First few years was fantastic but I started to get itchy feet again! I loved her with all my heart and I tried for another 3 odd years. Got enganged too. I was happy with her but the life not so much. Working and routine and staying in the same place and feeling stuck. She knew my character and she could obviously tell early on there was something wrong. We talked about it for years but I couldn't leave her. One day I decided I couldn't do it to her as I knew 1 day I would have to travel. Why prolong it... we talked and decided that it was best to end it. Not easy but had to be done. So that was it... maybe! We ended up seeing each other now and then for a further 15 months or so just to be together again. We stopped seeing eachother about 7 months ago. We stopped texting and chatting too as we both knew I wouldn't end up going anywhere!
I've had a few accounts over the past couple of years. I did find it difficult the first few profiles. Probably because I was still seeing her, well not probably it was! I felt like I'd be cheating on her if I met someone. I did try but I think I was sabotaging myself not to meet anyone. She knew I was on here, I could see she didn't like it though. That's why I deleted 2 accounts. Since we've stopped all contact it's been better. If we don't have contact then we're okish.
The point of this thread is this... Has anyone had a simular situation? Also, how do you stop loving them? I know time etc... but how long. I've split up with people before but this is different. I have so much pent up love inside of me that needs releasing but I really don't want to love anyone. I hope that doesn't make me unmeetable as I've been told the 'L' word is like poison on here... I told this to someone on here and they said that I'm looking for a girlfriend not just a FBW. That I am not! I'm not changes my plans for anyone! Done that once and found and lost my true love. I'm happy we had the time together, better to have loved and lost...
I know I'm being soft. Just seeing if anyone else has been through it. Also I needed to get it out and someone to tell me to just get the fuck over it! And I know you wont disappoint. I'm gone next month anyway. "
Run Forest run |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?"
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind... "
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her.  |
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"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind... "
Live your life with what makes you happy if you are not happy in a relationship then neither will your partner be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Traveling involves taking yourself, your feelings, emotions and problems etc. You can't actually leave any of these things behind ... it does sound like you still love her tbh and you'll be taking that with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if you havnt fallen out for any particular horrible reason it can be harder to get over, rather than if you actually dont like each other anymore. Maybe your paths will recross in a few years when you've both grown and experienced the things you have wanted. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Traveling involves taking yourself, your feelings, emotions and problems etc. You can't actually leave any of these things behind ... it does sound like you still love her tbh and you'll be taking that with you. "
Yeah I know and she will always have a place in my heart. I can't be with her as I can't settle and she wanys the wife and husband life. I don't... so better to be in Europe than half a mile away from her! Like it's been said, it will subside. It's only been 2 years... 7 months. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think if you havnt fallen out for any particular horrible reason it can be harder to get over, rather than if you actually dont like each other anymore. Maybe your paths will recross in a few years when you've both grown and experienced the things you have wanted. "
Yeah I've been through break ups and it was the fact that we didn't love each other anymore. But this is harder. I don't plan on coming back to the UK if I can help it. Unless someone in family is ill or dying.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her. "
That would be nice if I could live that life. But I can't...
(someone's going to do it I'm sure?) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
Live your life with what makes you happy if you are not happy in a relationship then neither will your partner be"
Agree... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if you havnt fallen out for any particular horrible reason it can be harder to get over, rather than if you actually dont like each other anymore. Maybe your paths will recross in a few years when you've both grown and experienced the things you have wanted.
Yeah I've been through break ups and it was the fact that we didn't love each other anymore. But this is harder. I don't plan on coming back to the UK if I can help it. Unless someone in family is ill or dying. "
Oh I didnt realise you were gone for good. Hope it all works out then, maybe you will meet another roaming spirit to join forces with. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her. "
Aww |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you really really love her then if travelling is so important?
I don’t understand it, but then I’m not a travelling person. I like holidays but I like coming back home.
If I truly loved someone then I wouldn’t leave what was a happy loving relationship just to go travelling. Sorry op, don’t understand it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have totally made the right decision OP.
Enjoy your travelling, imagine the wonderful adventures you're going to have!
Well done for having the guts to do it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you really really love her then if travelling is so important?
I don’t understand it, but then I’m not a travelling person. I like holidays but I like coming back home.
If I truly loved someone then I wouldn’t leave what was a happy loving relationship just to go travelling. Sorry op, don’t understand it. "
That's why I went into detail about my past. I've always just wandered and just gone where I want when I want. I hate the feeling of being stuck. That's why I don't have kids at 40! I was going to go travelling a month after I met her. I loved her with everything I had and I tried for over 5 years. She made me happy but I just cannot settle down. If I could take her with me and leave her kids (youngest is 14 others are over 18) behind then I'd take her. Like it's been said right woman wrong time. We actually grew up with some of the same friends and we are only 17 days difference in age. If we met when we were younger maybe it'd all ve different? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah no mother is going to leave her children to go travelling.
Don’t tell her that for fucksake. You don’t want to tell anyone that you think their children are an inconvenience to your plans. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You have totally made the right decision OP.
Enjoy your travelling, imagine the wonderful adventures you're going to have!
Well done for having the guts to do it "
Thank you! No guts needed, it will be fun and going to make everyday count. Will upload some pics to my profile. Just got to make sure I got a finger or something in them. Tried to upload some views but there was no human parts in them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah no mother is going to leave her children to go travelling.
Don’t tell her that for fucksake. You don’t want to tell anyone that you think their children are an inconvenience to your plans. "
I told her if we met before she had kids maybe it'd be different. If we had kids together we'd probably be living in a big mobile home!
I told her I didn't want kids or a girlfriend with kids!! Look what happened... |
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I feel your pain on this one.
I've spent the last 2 years working out whether I want to stay with my Mrs of 9 years or leave here for my first love.
I found out 2 years ago my first love had spent the last 20 years wanting to tell me how she felt about me. After the breakdown of my marriage 10 years ago I had even said to my mum that there was one person I wished I had the chance with.
There had been opportunities on both parts. But due to confidence issues on both parts we never td each other.
Until 2 years ago. And after 20 years apart when we finally met it was like we had never been apart. It felt right.
But for various reasons I didn't take my chance. It has left me questioning every decision I have made, make and what I even want from my life.
It is slowly killing me inside. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh bless you.
Kind of going through it right now.
My boyfriend has gone to explore an opportunity in London, amazing, so happy for him but not sure where it leaves us. Heartbroken for me and happy for him. We are still close, he's busy. Part of me thinks leave it, what will be will be. But the other thinks he's building a life down there.
Life just sucks
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel your pain on this one.
I've spent the last 2 years working out whether I want to stay with my Mrs of 9 years or leave here for my first love.
I found out 2 years ago my first love had spent the last 20 years wanting to tell me how she felt about me. After the breakdown of my marriage 10 years ago I had even said to my mum that there was one person I wished I had the chance with.
There had been opportunities on both parts. But due to confidence issues on both parts we never td each other.
Until 2 years ago. And after 20 years apart when we finally met it was like we had never been apart. It felt right.
But for various reasons I didn't take my chance. It has left me questioning every decision I have made, make and what I even want from my life.
It is slowly killing me inside. "
Are you still in contact with your first love? Does your current Mrs know you met her? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not once have you mentioned any attachment to the kids, or their attachment to you?
Other than in the first paragraph or two when you said she had three?
There must have been some attachment as you were together over 5 years?
And I can’t imagine a woman getting engaged to someone who has no attachment to her kids or they to him?
Unless they’re much older, late teens or adults, I’m sorry OP I think your entirely selfish, self centred and in all of your story, my heart goes out to them. |
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"I truly don't understand why you would leave someone you love. "
I can only think that it can’t of been love .
For if it was then whatever niggles were there , they would have been resolved .
What I know from being truly in love with my wife and vice versa is that whatever we come up against , we fight it together .
And neither of us has any desire to do anything that’s not inclusive of the other .
We wouldn’t want things any different , because that to us is love . |
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"I truly don't understand why you would leave someone you love.
I can only think that it can’t of been love .
For if it was then whatever niggles were there , they would have been resolved .
What I know from being truly in love with my wife and vice versa is that whatever we come up against , we fight it together .
And neither of us has any desire to do anything that’s not inclusive of the other .
We wouldn’t want things any different , because that to us is love ."
All I can say is that there's no trip on earth that would entice me to leave Mr N unless I knew I would be coming back to him or he would be coming with me. I think the op probably does live this lady but he loves travelling more and nobody wants to be second best. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Not once have you mentioned any attachment to the kids, or their attachment to you?
Other than in the first paragraph or two when you said she had three?
There must have been some attachment as you were together over 5 years?
And I can’t imagine a woman getting engaged to someone who has no attachment to her kids or they to him?
Unless they’re much older, late teens or adults, I’m sorry OP I think your entirely selfish, self centred and in all of your story, my heart goes out to them. "
I agree with you. I am being 100% entirely selfish! Why shouldn't I want to live the rest of my life doing what makes me truely happy. Why should I mention the kids? They got nothing to do with the decision. Of course I had attachments but their at an age now to understand. And I said it was 3 years into the relationship and obviously we all talked about it. It wasn't an overnight choice!
Selfish and self centred! Did I mention there not my kids?  |
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"I truly don't understand why you would leave someone you love.
I can only think that it can’t of been love .
For if it was then whatever niggles were there , they would have been resolved .
What I know from being truly in love with my wife and vice versa is that whatever we come up against , we fight it together .
And neither of us has any desire to do anything that’s not inclusive of the other .
We wouldn’t want things any different , because that to us is love ."
Yup, that's my feeling too. But the OP seems to be different. |
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"Not once have you mentioned any attachment to the kids, or their attachment to you?
Other than in the first paragraph or two when you said she had three?
There must have been some attachment as you were together over 5 years?
And I can’t imagine a woman getting engaged to someone who has no attachment to her kids or they to him?
Unless they’re much older, late teens or adults, I’m sorry OP I think your entirely selfish, self centred and in all of your story, my heart goes out to them.
I agree with you. I am being 100% entirely selfish! Why shouldn't I want to live the rest of my life doing what makes me truely happy. Why should I mention the kids? They got nothing to do with the decision. Of course I had attachments but their at an age now to understand. And I said it was 3 years into the relationship and obviously we all talked about it. It wasn't an overnight choice!
Selfish and self centred! Did I mention there not my kids? "
If you really love someone and want to be with someone you can't pick and choose the bits you like and walk away from the bits you don't .
You are kidding yourself if you think you can step into anyone's life for five years and then step out without there being emotional repercussions. If the youngest is 14 you've been around since they were 9. You can dismiss that by saying " they're not my kids" if it makes you feel better but that's pretty cold.
I know you said you didn't want to be with someone with kids, but then you chose to have a 5 year relationship, even to the point of getting engaged.
That's a whole load of mixed messages right there.
Fair play you've now found the balls to move on, and I hope your travels go well.
Best case scenario your travels make you a better person. Worst case you use them to run away.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"get the fuck over it ..."
Good god, your friends better go somewhere else for a heart to heart eh? 
Op. Although this ‘get over it’ sounds shitty above, think of it more as, in time you may be a able to deal with the sickly feeling of loss inside.
*i am not a councillor. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"get the fuck over it ...
Good god, your friends better go somewhere else for a heart to heart eh?
Op. Although this ‘get over it’ sounds shitty above, think of it more as, in time you may be a able to deal with the sickly feeling of loss inside.
*i am not a councillor. "
I asked for a get over it! Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"get the fuck over it ...
Good god, your friends better go somewhere else for a heart to heart eh?
Op. Although this ‘get over it’ sounds shitty above, think of it more as, in time you may be a able to deal with the sickly feeling of loss inside.
*i am not a councillor.
I asked for a get over it! Thanks "
Your welcome.
*although I’m Not a councillor,I still charge for advice. I’ll send my PayPal details. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"get the fuck over it ...
Good god, your friends better go somewhere else for a heart to heart eh?
Op. Although this ‘get over it’ sounds shitty above, think of it more as, in time you may be a able to deal with the sickly feeling of loss inside.
*i am not a councillor.
I asked for a get over it! Thanks
Your welcome.
*although I’m Not a councillor,I still charge for advice. I’ll send my PayPal details. "
I don't do pay pal. Cash only me! Send me a bill and I'll make sure I open it in April! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist. "
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up..."
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!? |
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For what it's worth I don't think you're a twat. You've made mistakes, most of us have. Between you, you and your fiancee have decided to part. It happens. Some of us don't understand your decision because we either wouldn't go or we would go on our travels but it wouldn't end our relationship but we're not naive enough to think that it's that way for everyone.
I'm not sure what you expected people to say on this thread though. You must know that not everyone would empathise.
Enjoy your travels and the adventures you have |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For what it's worth I don't think you're a twat. You've made mistakes, most of us have. Between you, you and your fiancee have decided to part. It happens. Some of us don't understand your decision because we either wouldn't go or we would go on our travels but it wouldn't end our relationship but we're not naive enough to think that it's that way for everyone.
I'm not sure what you expected people to say on this thread though. You must know that not everyone would empathise.
Enjoy your travels and the adventures you have "
Yeah of course I knew people would have different views. I've posted enough threads to know that. And learnt the hard way!! Man I've had some bollockings lol.
It was the hardest decision I've ever made. But I think it's the right one. We think it is. I really couldn't help feeling the way I do. I just can't settle down. I tried so hard but it didn't make me happy, she did but I was starting to be grumpy and anxious.
I'm just happy that someone as amazing as her could ever love me. It hurt us, we had the 15 months to preare for the final contact and it was all very emotional.
Thank you and thank you for your input. This is what forums are about. Different views. Everyone is different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
How sad that you found your right person but your life paths just didn't match up.
Keep the faith, enjoy your travels and who knows, you might end up crossing paths again later in life and make it work |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How sad that you found your right person but your life paths just didn't match up.
Keep the faith, enjoy your travels and who knows, you might end up crossing paths again later in life and make it work "
Thanks and maybe? When those rotten kids have all grown up and moved out!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up...
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!? "
That entire reply shows a lack of maturity and understanding about grown up relationships... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up...
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!?
That entire reply shows a lack of maturity and understanding about grown up relationships..."
I agree I did have a lack of understanding about a proper relationship. Never been in one place long enough to have one before. Maybe I'm not mature, is that a bad thing? You obviously think differently and that's fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up...
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!?
That entire reply shows a lack of maturity and understanding about grown up relationships...
I agree I did have a lack of understanding about a proper relationship. Never been in one place long enough to have one before. Maybe I'm not mature, is that a bad thing? You obviously think differently and that's fine. "
It’s only a bad thing where children are involved in the relationship. As an individual, not at all as it only impacts on you.
Had you ever had a previous serious relationship? Sometimes it takes a relationship or two for someone to understand how one works. Took me a long time, thankfully I had a patient and understanding partner to stick with me so I did |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up...
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!?
That entire reply shows a lack of maturity and understanding about grown up relationships...
I agree I did have a lack of understanding about a proper relationship. Never been in one place long enough to have one before. Maybe I'm not mature, is that a bad thing? You obviously think differently and that's fine.
It’s only a bad thing where children are involved in the relationship. As an individual, not at all as it only impacts on you.
Had you ever had a previous serious relationship? Sometimes it takes a relationship or two for someone to understand how one works. Took me a long time, thankfully I had a patient and understanding partner to stick with me so I did "
I was with a Polish girl for 2 years. Met her in a hotel I was working in and we travelled to London, Isle of Wight and Hereford together. It was more of a keep you company relationship. I loved her but didn't fall in love with her. Other than that it's just been seeing people from places I've worked. Warner leisure was a great place to work!!
I understand what your saying about the kids. They were good about the decision with no hard feelings. They understood and was ok with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Will you really be ok when you come back and find her happily settled down with someone else. I split with someone i loved when i was 19. Because i wanted to be out with my mates. Althow im happily married now i always think wonder how she ended up. Means somewere in the bottom of my hart i feel different. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Will you really be ok when you come back and find her happily settled down with someone else. I split with someone i loved when i was 19. Because i wanted to be out with my mates. Althow im happily married now i always think wonder how she ended up. Means somewere in the bottom of my hart i feel different. "
It's not my intention to come back to the UK. Obviously I want her to move on and be happy. She wants marriage and I hope she gets that... I will always have love for her and she will always be my first true love. If I ever do come back and she's single then who knows? If she's not then as long as she's happy im happy.
As Meatloaf said. I would do anything for love... but I wont do that! |
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"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up...
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!? "
I don't know how old you are, but I'm 52 and, trust me, being 100% happy is an unattainable goal. Life is full of crap and if you manage to be 80% happy you're doing very well.
If you keep looking for someone who makes you 100% happy you're going to die alone I'm afraid. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
If you cared for them knowing what you clearly state you knew - you wouldn’t have walked into their lives in the first place.
Your not 100% happy? Oh diddums, as long as YOU are 100% happy then that’s ok then isn’t it?
And of course, they’re not your kids, so that’s ok too....
Ps, your thread title, don’t get your hopes up...
Diddums!? Funny
Did you read what I wrote. I told her straight my intentions. But you can't help falling in love with someone. I tried my best to settle but couldn't. We all parted with smiles on our faces and no harsh feelings. We all discused it and everyone understood.
Life is to short to be 80% happy. 90% happy. I want 100% happy... what's wrong with that? Call me selfish if you want. Been called worse. Call me a twat! Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you have a different way of thinking. I'm sorry but it's my life and I'm going to live it my way.
Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them. The eldest was more of a friend as he was 18 when we met.
Yo answer your question why did I walk into their lives to begin with. I said it was by chance I met her and we didn't intend to fall in love. Just happened. What's your views on people who get married, have kids the divorce? You must really hate them! How selfish to get a divorce! No they should stay together no matter what!?
I don't know how old you are, but I'm 52 and, trust me, being 100% happy is an unattainable goal. Life is full of crap and if you manage to be 80% happy you're doing very well.
If you keep looking for someone who makes you 100% happy you're going to die alone I'm afraid. "
Thanks. I'm not looking for a person to make me happy. I'm looking for the life that makes me 100% happy. If I was one to settle down etc. Trust me she would have made me 110% happy!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I agree with that, 100% happy is unattainable all the time as life has ups and downs but we can have our moments!
Relying on anything or anyone to make us happy doesn't work either ... happiness is down to ourselves at the end of the day regardless of where we travel |
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This is probably not what you want to hear but I've known a couple of other men in your position of a relationship ending even though they still love each other just because the circumstances or difference in what you want means it doesn't work. Both of them have taken years to properly get over it. In all fairness they dealt with it really badly but I tend to find a lot of men do. They didn't deal with it and just immersed themselves into things like work and the gym until they were basically too exhausted all the time to think about things. As is often the case with men again, they didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and I often became a vent for their feelings, often when they were d*unk. Day to day they were fine, outgoing, seemed happy and seemed to be enjoying life but underneath it they were really struggling but just bottled it all up. It was pretty sad to witness to be honest and most people in their lives had no idea they were feeling how they were. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I agree with that, 100% happy is unattainable all the time as life has ups and downs but we can have our moments!
Relying on anything or anyone to make us happy doesn't work either ... happiness is down to ourselves at the end of the day regardless of where we travel "
Yes but it starts with choosing the life which may make you happy and go from there. When I leave then there won't be a concept of time. I'll just go and see what happens. If i go somewhere where I'm not happy with I'll move on. Ok maybe saying 100% happy is a bit optimistic... I just can't settle down and be in the same place too long. 5 years is a really long time for me to be in one place. I'm 40 now and been on the move since I was 17... x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them... "
It is all a bit shallow isn't. But then the whole story is.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with that, 100% happy is unattainable all the time as life has ups and downs but we can have our moments!
Relying on anything or anyone to make us happy doesn't work either ... happiness is down to ourselves at the end of the day regardless of where we travel
Yes but it starts with choosing the life which may make you happy and go from there. When I leave then there won't be a concept of time. I'll just go and see what happens. If i go somewhere where I'm not happy with I'll move on. Ok maybe saying 100% happy is a bit optimistic... I just can't settle down and be in the same place too long. 5 years is a really long time for me to be in one place. I'm 40 now and been on the move since I was 17... x"
Be happy with yourself before you go then it'll be an amazingly happy adventure ... if not it might end up very hard work
My dad worked all over the world and travelled extensively but actually wasn't a traveller and loved being at home! But he was a happy person ... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is probably not what you want to hear but I've known a couple of other men in your position of a relationship ending even though they still love each other just because the circumstances or difference in what you want means it doesn't work. Both of them have taken years to properly get over it. In all fairness they dealt with it really badly but I tend to find a lot of men do. They didn't deal with it and just immersed themselves into things like work and the gym until they were basically too exhausted all the time to think about things. As is often the case with men again, they didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and I often became a vent for their feelings, often when they were d*unk. Day to day they were fine, outgoing, seemed happy and seemed to be enjoying life but underneath it they were really struggling but just bottled it all up. It was pretty sad to witness to be honest and most people in their lives had no idea they were feeling how they were."
Interesting... this wasn't an overnight break up. We talked for over a year about it. Then split then continued seeing her for 15 months. We knew an end was coming and there was lots of opportunities to change our minds. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree with that, 100% happy is unattainable all the time as life has ups and downs but we can have our moments!
Relying on anything or anyone to make us happy doesn't work either ... happiness is down to ourselves at the end of the day regardless of where we travel
Yes but it starts with choosing the life which may make you happy and go from there. When I leave then there won't be a concept of time. I'll just go and see what happens. If i go somewhere where I'm not happy with I'll move on. Ok maybe saying 100% happy is a bit optimistic... I just can't settle down and be in the same place too long. 5 years is a really long time for me to be in one place. I'm 40 now and been on the move since I was 17... x
Be happy with yourself before you go then it'll be an amazingly happy adventure ... if not it might end up very hard work
My dad worked all over the world and travelled extensively but actually wasn't a traveller and loved being at home! But he was a happy person ... "
I am happy! see! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them...
It is all a bit shallow isn't. But then the whole story is.
"
Explain... |
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"This is probably not what you want to hear but I've known a couple of other men in your position of a relationship ending even though they still love each other just because the circumstances or difference in what you want means it doesn't work. Both of them have taken years to properly get over it. In all fairness they dealt with it really badly but I tend to find a lot of men do. They didn't deal with it and just immersed themselves into things like work and the gym until they were basically too exhausted all the time to think about things. As is often the case with men again, they didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and I often became a vent for their feelings, often when they were d*unk. Day to day they were fine, outgoing, seemed happy and seemed to be enjoying life but underneath it they were really struggling but just bottled it all up. It was pretty sad to witness to be honest and most people in their lives had no idea they were feeling how they were.
Interesting... this wasn't an overnight break up. We talked for over a year about it. Then split then continued seeing her for 15 months. We knew an end was coming and there was lots of opportunities to change our minds. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on. "
These were both the same as both couples really wanted to make things work and loved each other to pieces but in the end wanted different things and realised they couldn't be together and have what they wanted out of life. One of these was because one wanted kids and the other didn't. The other was because one's career required a lot of training, long hours and travelling and that wasn't enabling them to meet the others needs but they didn't want to give up the career either. |
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"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist. "
I did read right from the beginning of your posts OP and I commented earlier on also.
When I said hopefully the travelling will make you a better person I meant that hopefully you'll be more rounded, with a bigger world view.
At the minute from your own admission your world view revolves around you, and what you want.
Go out and give something back, do some voluntary work, finish each day knowing you've done something worthwhile for someone other than yourself.
You might then realise that 90 per cent happy with someone who loves you is worth sacrificing that mythical 100per cent perfection for.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is probably not what you want to hear but I've known a couple of other men in your position of a relationship ending even though they still love each other just because the circumstances or difference in what you want means it doesn't work. Both of them have taken years to properly get over it. In all fairness they dealt with it really badly but I tend to find a lot of men do. They didn't deal with it and just immersed themselves into things like work and the gym until they were basically too exhausted all the time to think about things. As is often the case with men again, they didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and I often became a vent for their feelings, often when they were d*unk. Day to day they were fine, outgoing, seemed happy and seemed to be enjoying life but underneath it they were really struggling but just bottled it all up. It was pretty sad to witness to be honest and most people in their lives had no idea they were feeling how they were.
Interesting... this wasn't an overnight break up. We talked for over a year about it. Then split then continued seeing her for 15 months. We knew an end was coming and there was lots of opportunities to change our minds. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on.
These were both the same as both couples really wanted to make things work and loved each other to pieces but in the end wanted different things and realised they couldn't be together and have what they wanted out of life. One of these was because one wanted kids and the other didn't. The other was because one's career required a lot of training, long hours and travelling and that wasn't enabling them to meet the others needs but they didn't want to give up the career either."
I couldn't imagine her backpacking!
She used to drive to the shop and it's only down the road! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A better person. I'm not going to bite to that!
Don't you think it's more selfish to expect someone to stay around when they're not 100% happy? Think you should rewd what I wrote as you're obviously just saying what the last 3 posts have said. You really think it was easy for me? If I didn't care for them this thread wouldn't exist.
I did read right from the beginning of your posts OP and I commented earlier on also.
When I said hopefully the travelling will make you a better person I meant that hopefully you'll be more rounded, with a bigger world view.
At the minute from your own admission your world view revolves around you, and what you want.
Go out and give something back, do some voluntary work, finish each day knowing you've done something worthwhile for someone other than yourself.
You might then realise that 90 per cent happy with someone who loves you is worth sacrificing that mythical 100per cent perfection for.
Good luck."
Ok sorry. Read it wrong. That's what I'm going to do. Voluntree work. Using a site called hippohelp where people host you exchange for help. Help on a farm, building a wall, anything... I have had confirmation from a farm in Norway to start end of March. So heading there first. I intend to make it a worth while trip. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her.
That would be nice if I could live that life. But I can't...
(someone's going to do it I'm sure?) "
Live what life? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her.
That would be nice if I could live that life. But I can't...
(someone's going to do it I'm sure?)
Live what life? "
Settle down life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her.
That would be nice if I could live that life. But I can't...
(someone's going to do it I'm sure?)
Live what life?
Settle down life"
It is whatever you make it. How do you know she wants the usual boring settled down life? If her kids are young then they’re her priority, for the moment. But god! If a guy said to me “ shall we go traveling and live each day?” I’d be right there!
She’s a mum. And when you’re a mum....well, that’s it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...Where the kids are concerned I treated them very well thank you! I used to spend between £1.500 to £2.000 between them for Christmas. I used to oay for all holidays and spent good time with them...
It is all a bit shallow isn't. But then the whole story is.
Explain... "
That you choose to describe your relationship with the kids in terms of the money you spent on them. As for the relationship; you chose to get into a long term relationship with someone who didn't share your interests and life goals and as such it was always going to be shallow at a certain level hence the inevitable breakup.
I don't think you should stay with her by the way so my comments were more observation than advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on. "
Yet your pursuing an alternative life?
I think you have a vision and searching for something that’s unrealistic and a unobtainable.
I suspect you know this, and I may be completely wrong, but I think you may have had a troubled child hood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is probably not what you want to hear but I've known a couple of other men in your position of a relationship ending even though they still love each other just because the circumstances or difference in what you want means it doesn't work. Both of them have taken years to properly get over it. In all fairness they dealt with it really badly but I tend to find a lot of men do. They didn't deal with it and just immersed themselves into things like work and the gym until they were basically too exhausted all the time to think about things. As is often the case with men again, they didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and I often became a vent for their feelings, often when they were d*unk. Day to day they were fine, outgoing, seemed happy and seemed to be enjoying life but underneath it they were really struggling but just bottled it all up. It was pretty sad to witness to be honest and most people in their lives had no idea they were feeling how they were.
Interesting... this wasn't an overnight break up. We talked for over a year about it. Then split then continued seeing her for 15 months. We knew an end was coming and there was lots of opportunities to change our minds. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on. "
It sounds like you've both been really adult about it. Hope you can still be friends at least. Good luck with the travelling. You might meet someone who loves the same thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yep you look like a twat
Just saying what I thought you wanted to hear ?
Ummmm. Did I? I wanted to be told to get over it and hoped I didn't look like a twat! I am a soppy twat mind...
I think you should travel for a month then come back and marry her.
That would be nice if I could live that life. But I can't...
(someone's going to do it I'm sure?)
Live what life?
Settle down life
It is whatever you make it. How do you know she wants the usual boring settled down life? If her kids are young then they’re her priority, for the moment. But god! If a guy said to me “ shall we go traveling and live each day?” I’d be right there!
She’s a mum. And when you’re a mum....well, that’s it lol "
We talked about it. She wants a family life. She'll probably have grandkids soon...
You wanna go travelling and live each day? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on.
Yet your pursuing an alternative life?
I think you have a vision and searching for something that’s unrealistic and a unobtainable.
I suspect you know this, and I may be completely wrong, but I think you may have had a troubled child hood. "
Not troubled but I was never at home. From the age of 11 I used to go for camping trips and be out and about... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is probably not what you want to hear but I've known a couple of other men in your position of a relationship ending even though they still love each other just because the circumstances or difference in what you want means it doesn't work. Both of them have taken years to properly get over it. In all fairness they dealt with it really badly but I tend to find a lot of men do. They didn't deal with it and just immersed themselves into things like work and the gym until they were basically too exhausted all the time to think about things. As is often the case with men again, they didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and I often became a vent for their feelings, often when they were d*unk. Day to day they were fine, outgoing, seemed happy and seemed to be enjoying life but underneath it they were really struggling but just bottled it all up. It was pretty sad to witness to be honest and most people in their lives had no idea they were feeling how they were.
Interesting... this wasn't an overnight break up. We talked for over a year about it. Then split then continued seeing her for 15 months. We knew an end was coming and there was lots of opportunities to change our minds. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Best 5 years of my life and I won't forget them. Got lovely memeories to reflect on.
It sounds like you've both been really adult about it. Hope you can still be friends at least. Good luck with the travelling. You might meet someone who loves the same thing. "
We can't remain in contact and be just friends. We tried and always ended up seeing each other... maybe I will find a fellow traveller? |
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"I feel your pain on this one.
I've spent the last 2 years working out whether I want to stay with my Mrs of 9 years or leave here for my first love.
I found out 2 years ago my first love had spent the last 20 years wanting to tell me how she felt about me. After the breakdown of my marriage 10 years ago I had even said to my mum that there was one person I wished I had the chance with.
There had been opportunities on both parts. But due to confidence issues on both parts we never td each other.
Until 2 years ago. And after 20 years apart when we finally met it was like we had never been apart. It felt right.
But for various reasons I didn't take my chance. It has left me questioning every decision I have made, make and what I even want from my life.
It is slowly killing me inside. "
No wonder you're called a rock and a hard place. That's where you are but no reason to be. You've answered all your own questions already. Just do it. Find the girl and do it. When people say "life's too short", you better believe it. |
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I think you're brave for doing what feels right for you. Sounds like it was a mutually agreed decision to separate. I think it's a good thing you were open and honest about your outlook from the start and I reckon she probably appreciated that. I would imagine both of you got something out of the relationship even though deep down both probably knew it wasn't going to last. Maybe you're just both soul mates but not destined to be together forever.
It actually takes a lot to accept that perhaps conforming to societal norms may not be for you - there is an incredibly strong expectation within society that individuals settle down and have a family. But it's just not for everyone and you shouldn't feel guilty for walking away. Preservation of ones mental health is seriously underestimated!
Good luck... hope your travels lead to great experiences x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This came up on my podcast list today
https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_how_to_fix_a_broken_heart/transcript?language=en"
Thank you! I like the TED lectures. Will have a look when I'm chilled... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you're brave for doing what feels right for you. Sounds like it was a mutually agreed decision to separate. I think it's a good thing you were open and honest about your outlook from the start and I reckon she probably appreciated that. I would imagine both of you got something out of the relationship even though deep down both probably knew it wasn't going to last. Maybe you're just both soul mates but not destined to be together forever.
It actually takes a lot to accept that perhaps conforming to societal norms may not be for you - there is an incredibly strong expectation within society that individuals settle down and have a family. But it's just not for everyone and you shouldn't feel guilty for walking away. Preservation of ones mental health is seriously underestimated!
Good luck... hope your travels lead to great experiences x"
Thank you so much! Very well written!
We are soulmate but met at the wrong time... too bloody late!
I did try my best to settle with her as I did love her so much, still do. I've never been in the same place more than a year before I met her since I was 17, so it was a big commitment for me...Huge!
I agree with you on what society says what the 'normal' life should be. I've never been one for the norm'! I've had flats and furnished them a few times. I've left them with rent all paid up. Bills paid and just left all my stuff there. When I was 17 I woke up 1 morning and looking through The Sun newspaper and seen an advert for Blackpool. I thought yeah be nice to go there. Iwas in a train in about an hour or so. I had a tenner in pocket and carrier bag of clothes. Jumped the trains and was in Blackpool. I was on the streets the first 2 nights, found a hostel on the 3rd through a homeless guy. On the 8th day I had a job in a pool hall. Within a month I was renting a flat. The pool hall advanced me a months wages. Really good people! Actually I was working with Stings cousin, Don Sumner.
After about 13 months or so I felt like a change. Next day I jumped on a train, don't know where I was going... went to Manchester and jumped on another train, after a while I needed a fag so got off the train. I was in Hereford, had a walk around and thought it was a nice place so ended up staying there 11 months. Not stopped since, I've travelled loads but only in the UK. I'll list a few places but won't list them all. London, Isle of Wight, Brighton, Tenby, Portsmouth... Isle of Wight is my favorite place so far.
I've never been materialistic, which means I'm a nightmare to buy for. I don't nothing! The less I have the happier I am. I like to be able to pick my life up and just move it somewhere else. I've thought about Campervans but it's the cost and if they fuck up then it's more cost.
that's all I'll need for transport end of March. |
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"
Are you still in contact with your first love? Does your current Mrs know you met her?"
Right this is where it gets even more complicated and leaves me in an even worse light than before.
Yes I am in contact with her.
Yes my Mrs knows I've met her. She has met her too.
My first love is also my second cousin once removed (I don't understand that bit)
She lives in the Highlands of Scotland. She has stayed with us a few times. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Are you still in contact with your first love? Does your current Mrs know you met her?
Right this is where it gets even more complicated and leaves me in an even worse light than before.
Yes I am in contact with her.
Yes my Mrs knows I've met her. She has met her too.
My first love is also my second cousin once removed (I don't understand that bit)
She lives in the Highlands of Scotland. She has stayed with us a few times. "
Don't get this thread shut down mun! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Are you still in contact with your first love? Does your current Mrs know you met her?
Right this is where it gets even more complicated and leaves me in an even worse light than before.
Yes I am in contact with her.
Yes my Mrs knows I've met her. She has met her too.
My first love is also my second cousin once removed (I don't understand that bit)
She lives in the Highlands of Scotland. She has stayed with us a few times.
Don't get this thread shut down mun! "
If you got issues make your own thread please. I'll translate it into to Welsh for you...
Buy your own fucking glue!! |
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