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Cancer warriors...help needed
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My mate's dad was diagnosed with cancer on Friday.
People who have been in that position, what did you want to hear from friends and family?(Or not?)
What kind of support was good and what was pants?
Thanks in advance x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t have cancer, but I do have a terminal illness.
To me, I hate the tiptoeing around. I’m dying. Let’s not talk in euphemisms or pretend it’s all going to be rosey.
Other than that, I like people to be there when I ask for help ( not often) and step back when I’m doing ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t have cancer, but I do have a terminal illness.
To me, I hate the tiptoeing around. I’m dying. Let’s not talk in euphemisms or pretend it’s all going to be rosey.
Other than that, I like people to be there when I ask for help ( not often) and step back when I’m doing ok. "
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"My mate's dad was diagnosed with cancer on Friday.
People who have been in that position, what did you want to hear from friends and family?(Or not?)
What kind of support was good and what was pants?
Thanks in advance x"
Private message for you xx |
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I was diagnosed on 6th August
I work with someone ex para who has the same as me, so we talked and he told me exactly what to expect and was open and honest about it, that was a god send, it made me realise what to expect and someone being honest was the best thing for me!!
It’s the toughest thing I have ever faced in my life, I’m now out of therapy recovering, had the all clear 2 weeks ago, so in remission ..
I spoke to my friend about this too, I know the cancer is in my blood now and will very likely come back. But I have won the first battle and will fight chain if necessary..
Life after cancer isn’t the same, things are never as good as before, but I’m still here!!!
Please read my blogs cancer of the throat in the forums, I don’t want to scare you, but I feel you need to know what to expect..
If you need to talk drop me a line I’ll give my mobile out to you
Stella |
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"I don’t have cancer, but I do have a terminal illness.
To me, I hate the tiptoeing around. I’m dying. Let’s not talk in euphemisms or pretend it’s all going to be rosey.
Other than that, I like people to be there when I ask for help ( not often) and step back when I’m doing ok. "
So sorry to hear that but your right fuck it and be strong ?? xx |
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I have called my friend weekly since she was diagnosed a month ago ....
She wants to sleep. She has family around. She doesn't want shopping or cooking and can't take much company.....
I still call though. I can't ignore her until she's gone so selfishly I call to hear her , just for two minutes. It makes things easier for ME. We laugh a bit and I tell her she's been an inspiration to me.
I tell her ,'I'll call you in a few days' .... and I feel she knows that someone cared and cares outside of her family and she's not forgotten.
She gives me good advice too...... she says 'No time like NOW..... do what you want to do.
Mostly I listen and tell her im there , whenever, whatever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t have cancer, but I do have a terminal illness.
To me, I hate the tiptoeing around. I’m dying. Let’s not talk in euphemisms or pretend it’s all going to be rosey.
Other than that, I like people to be there when I ask for help ( not often) and step back when I’m doing ok.
So sorry to hear that but your right fuck it and be strong ?? xx"
Thank you.
Like Stella above, I’m in remission at the moment, but it’s in the nature of the illness that it won’t stay that way.
I think it depends on the person, but to me I like to find the humour in it all. The hard part is finding someone robust enough to laugh alongside me at it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just be real and acknowledge it but try and treat them as normally as possible. Being falsely bright is a bit annoying, but I did develop a certain "gallows" humour, my best mate messaged me more when my dad was dying- it's a less intrusive way of knowing you are in someone's thoughts x |
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Stay calm, dont go on about how terible this is because that doesnt help anyone, dont say stay positive you can fight this either, just say how sorry you are and that anytime they want to talk they can or ask if they want anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have called my friend weekly since she was diagnosed a month ago ....
She wants to sleep. She has family around. She doesn't want shopping or cooking and can't take much company.....
I still call though. I can't ignore her until she's gone so selfishly I call to hear her , just for two minutes. It makes things easier for ME. We laugh a bit and I tell her she's been an inspiration to me.
I tell her ,'I'll call you in a few days' .... and I feel she knows that someone cared and cares outside of her family and she's not forgotten.
She gives me good advice too...... she says 'No time like NOW..... do what you want to do.
Mostly I listen and tell her im there , whenever, whatever. "
Superb that granny, everybody needs somebody |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a difficult situation, I have someone very close to be going through the big c.. There is nothing they can do to help her, no more chemo or radiotherapy. I try and be as upbeat and 'normal' as possible, the hardest is when she wants to talk about the illness and the fact she is going to die soon, what do you say to that? I try and just listen and then make sure lots of hugs are given.
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"My mate's dad was diagnosed with cancer on Friday.
People who have been in that position, what did you want to hear from friends and family?(Or not?)
What kind of support was good and what was pants?
Thanks in advance x"
Sorry hear that - it’s obviously a difficult time.
I had cancer a long time ago, and everyone is different. I think all you can do is let them know you are there if they need you. Check in with them, but not too often as it can maybe become overwhelming if the cancer seems to become the thing that defines them with friends.
So just that really - once they know you are there to provide support if and when needed, but then carry on as normally as possible. Because in such a difficult and uncertain time, normal is good.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lost my mum, dad and sister to cancer.
There's nothing you can say or do.
Just be there.
I wasn't there for my sister and I regret it more than anything in the world!
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A good friend of mine is dying of bowel cancer. He doesn't sugar coat it and those of us closest to him don't pussyfoot around him and he appreciates that and maintains a positive outlook as he can and tries not to let it stop his active life. I think it's down to the individual. |
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"It's a difficult situation, I have someone very close to be going through the big c.. There is nothing they can do to help her, no more chemo or radiotherapy. I try and be as upbeat and 'normal' as possible, the hardest is when she wants to talk about the illness and the fact she is going to die soon, what do you say to that? I try and just listen and then make sure lots of hugs are given.
"
Its good that she feels she can talk to you and its good that you are there for her as not everyone has that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum had a mastectomy and reconstruction following breast cancer. She didn't want to talk about it at first.
She just wanted to act 'normal' until she was ready to accept things. Her operation was 9 days before my wedding so she focused on that.
Just knowing people were there for her helped. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First of all I'm sorry to hear about your friends farther I'm in remission from cervical cancer when I found out I told people to be exactly how they were before I found out I am still me just me with cancer just be there for your friend that's all you can do really xxx |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
I hated that people had to tell me how sorry they we're to hear I was ill and the look of pity in their face.
The how are you feeling questions, it's one other few times you can tell your family to fuck off and don't get into trouble because it's the cancer talking
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dad died of cancer
Mates had cancer now ok
Dad. The converastion was. Ok how we going to handle this then...expect to feel angry for a long time...
Mate. Ok what do i need to do for you.
Be honest let them be angry let them cry
But take your upset and share with mates.. hold hands big hugs and talk of stupid things.. X |
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"My husband died of prostrate cancer. I nursesd him at home it was the hardest thing ever there are no words.
I just want give my heartfelt best wishes to anybody and all going through such times x"
Same I was widowed at 31 with 2 boys x |
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"My husband died of prostrate cancer. I nursesd him at home it was the hardest thing ever there are no words.
I just want give my heartfelt best wishes to anybody and all going through such times x
Same I was widowed at 31 with 2 boys x"
I hope that you and your boys are doing ok xx |
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I got diagnosed with testicular cancer back in 99, I was told that it helps to have a positive attitude towards it.
After the operation and going through the treatment is when you need the support, whether it is friends coming round just to chat and take the mick it helps.
I had radiotherapy, it knocked me for six. All I did was eat and sleep, I had a mate come round once a week just for a chat.
Main thing is talk to the person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband died of prostrate cancer. I nursesd him at home it was the hardest thing ever there are no words.
I just want give my heartfelt best wishes to anybody and all going through such times x
Same I was widowed at 31 with 2 boys x"
That must of been very hard for you and your family xx |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
A friend of mine had a double mastectomy after being diagnosed, sadly it had already got into her bones. She's absolutely incredible. She posted a really interesting article about how people with cancer want to be treated, of course everyone is different. I'll see if I can send you the link in a message  |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
My mum died from cancer it was hard for me however I didn't do the sympathy look. It only makes you feel worse when you have it.
It's hard enough as it is without others feeling bad for you.
The second time I was diagnosed I told no one and recovered much quicker! |
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