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Do I smell of cats....... ?
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There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It likes you  be nice 
My daughter said that. They choose you mum .....she said.
My other daughters says im a witch.
I know who I believe. "
Its not a wand ffs  |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"It likes you be nice
My daughter said that. They choose you mum .....she said.
My other daughters says im a witch.
I know who I believe. "
And witches have cats as familiars, the cat has chosen you, problem solved lol.  |
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I've been familiar enough to tell it , I don't even like cats and and made a noise like a hissy snake...... it's besotted tho ...
Mind you , guess i've pulled more pussy than any man in here today. |
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"You can buy pellets that apparently smell like lion shit that will scare the fucker off x"
It's a bit wicked to send an old woman to the shops for lion shit. Can't I just piss in the flower beds ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can buy pellets that apparently smell like lion shit that will scare the fucker off x
It's a bit wicked to send an old woman to the shops for lion shit. Can't I just piss in the flower beds ?"
That will probably work too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oranges!
Cats hate the scent given off by orange peel..
Try scattering that about
Or just throw an orange at it.
"
My cat eats oranges, and anything round thrown at or near her is just a toy to kick around.
I think you need a dog to catch a cat, then a goat to catch the dog, be careful when you reach the horse! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can buy pellets that apparently smell like lion shit that will scare the fucker off x
I love this woman  "
Are you flirting with me please see other thread xx |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Oranges!
Cats hate the scent given off by orange peel..
Try scattering that about
I've got a shriveled lemon ?"
It's citrus in general they don't like, but I think you should ask neighbours in case it's lost. |
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"Give it a saucer of milk and a cuddle perhaps?
You want me to give a strange feline liquid food from a bovine and then you want me to snuggle it up in my hominine arms ...... 
Then what ?"
Then consider the lion poo pellets option maybe? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oranges!
Cats hate the scent given off by orange peel..
Try scattering that about
I've got a shriveled lemon ?"
You can get cream for that,ask your chemist |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oranges!
Cats hate the scent given off by orange peel..
Try scattering that about
I've got a shriveled lemon ?
It's citrus in general they don't like, but I think you should ask neighbours in case it's lost. "
Yes, pick it up and go knocking door to door. Be a good neighbour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lion poo is meant to be good at scaring cats away. Or maybe a lion bar?
Yes, thankyou for that. I don't think I'll ever eat another one now lol.  "
Yeh not good if you confuse the two x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It can sense what a warm and loving person you are and wants to be your fur baby.
It's senses are wobbly then ....... "
Underneath that spikey exterior is a warm and loving creature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can buy pellets that apparently smell like lion shit that will scare the fucker off x"
mine scares grown adults and blocks toilets. Happy to shit on your doorstep for a fiver
|
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"Give it a saucer of milk and a cuddle perhaps?
You want me to give a strange feline liquid food from a bovine and then you want me to snuggle it up in my hominine arms ......
Then what ?
Then consider the lion poo pellets option maybe?"
No way am I cuddling poo pellets |
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"It can sense what a warm and loving person you are and wants to be your fur baby.
It's senses are wobbly then .......
Underneath that spikey exterior is a warm and loving creature. "
He doesn't seem spikey just over friendly |
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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago
Walking down the only road I've ever known! |
"It can sense what a warm and loving person you are and wants to be your fur baby.
It's senses are wobbly then .......
Tis only a baby - not learnt about the big bad world yet..... "
Cats are twats |
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"You can buy pellets that apparently smell like lion shit that will scare the fucker off x mine scares grown adults and blocks toilets. Happy to shit on your doorstep for a fiver"
Can you do front and back for £7.50 ? |
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"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone.
Oooh which Jo Malone scent? (fake or otherwise)  "
Basil, Lime, Mandarin today ...... |
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"It can sense what a warm and loving person you are and wants to be your fur baby.
It's senses are wobbly then .......
Tis only a baby - not learnt about the big bad world yet..... "
Time for lessons then ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill. "
Yeah chill out don't be so aggresive its a little kitten.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pick it up, read the collar tag hopefully it has an address or number, try not to fall in love with it, return to owner
C
Fall in love ? It's a cat ! C A T.... "
Wait til it gives you "the eyes"
C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone."
I often smell of garlic and authentic Jo Malone.
Do you look like a a cock?
Pussy likes cock.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone.
Oooh which Jo Malone scent? (fake or otherwise)
Basil, Lime, Mandarin today ...... "
Did you make that up in your kitchen? |
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"There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill.
Yeah chill out don't be so aggresive its a little kitten...."
What's the first lesson in 'How to chill?' |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
"Pick it up, read the collar tag hopefully it has an address or number, try not to fall in love with it, return to owner
C
Fall in love ? It's a cat ! C A T....
Wait til it gives you "the eyes"
C"
You can put them on the entrance to your drive way, good reflective qualities. |
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"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone.
I often smell of garlic and authentic Jo Malone.
Do you look like a a cock?
Pussy likes cock.
"
Hold on. I'm just checking out the mirror. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill.
Yeah chill out don't be so aggresive its a little kitten....
What's the first lesson in 'How to chill?' "
Lots of ice
C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pick it up, read the collar tag hopefully it has an address or number, try not to fall in love with it, return to owner
C
Fall in love ? It's a cat ! C A T....
Wait til it gives you "the eyes"
C
You can put them on the entrance to your drive way, good reflective qualities. "
Oooh... dark 
C |
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"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone.
Oooh which Jo Malone scent? (fake or otherwise)
Basil, Lime, Mandarin today ......
Did you make that up in your kitchen?"
No. I bought it from a disreputable 'wink wink nod nod' .... |
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"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone.
I often smell of garlic and authentic Jo Malone.
Do you look like a a cock?
Pussy likes cock.
Hold on. I'm just checking out the mirror."
No. I look like Vanessa Feltz after a week of sleepless nights. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They like the smell of old people.
Stop using that lilac talc you love so much.
I smell of garlic and fake Jo Malone.
Oooh which Jo Malone scent? (fake or otherwise)
Basil, Lime, Mandarin today ......
Did you make that up in your kitchen?
No. I bought it from a disreputable 'wink wink nod nod' ...."
That could be your problem. When those scents warm up they smell like cat pee.
Watson, my job here is done! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Pick it up, read the collar tag hopefully it has an address or number, try not to fall in love with it, return to owner
C
Fall in love ? It's a cat ! C A T....
Wait til it gives you "the eyes"
C
You can put them on the entrance to your drive way, good reflective qualities. "
Percy Shaw, from my home town of Halifax, invented the cats eye reflecting road stud. It’s a little known fact that if the cat had been facing the other direction with its tail aloft, he’d have invented the pencil sharpener. |
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"Pick it up, read the collar tag hopefully it has an address or number, try not to fall in love with it, return to owner
C
Fall in love ? It's a cat ! C A T....
Wait til it gives you "the eyes"
C
You can put them on the entrance to your drive way, good reflective qualities.
Percy Shaw, from my home town of Halifax, invented the cats eye reflecting road stud. It’s a little known fact that if the cat had been facing the other direction with its tail aloft, he’d have invented the pencil sharpener. "
I was reading that so seriously ........ |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"It can sense what a warm and loving person you are and wants to be your fur baby.
It's senses are wobbly then .......
Tis only a baby - not learnt about the big bad world yet.....
Cats are twats "
Concerned what you are fucking right now PP.....! |
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"There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill. "
Earplugs |
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"There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill.
Earplugs "
YOU my friend are a fucking genius....... I'm gonna stick them in the cats ears and maybe then it'll get the message ! |
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"There's a fucking black kitten mewling at my back door ( not a euphemism ) It's been there since I came in from my run an hour ago...
It's not mine but i'm pretty near killing point with the incessant whining.
I've told it to fuck off.....
Any other ideas ?
P.S. It's well cared for and has a collar on and i've seen it in the street before so it's not lost or ill.
Earplugs
YOU my friend are a fucking genius....... I'm gonna stick them in the cats ears and maybe then it'll get the message !"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can buy pellets that apparently smell like lion shit that will scare the fucker off x"
All very well until you come home and find a lioness on your doorstep! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had a random car turn up, we called him White Socks, cause it looked like he was wearing white socks. I have loads of cool stories like that ladies. "
How do you put socks on a car |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had a random cat turn up, we called him White Socks, cause it looked like he was wearing white socks. I have loads of cool stories like that ladies.
How do you put socks on a car "
Regularly.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had a random cat turn up, we called him White Socks, cause it looked like he was wearing white socks. I have loads of cool stories like that ladies.
How do you put socks on a car
Regularly.
"
Well obviously theyd get filthy otherwise |
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