FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How do I write an interesting message?
How do I write an interesting message?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a difficult question. I'd say the usual read the profile stuff.. But 50% of people leave it blank or boring and there isn't much to go on.
If I'm interested enough to send a message. I'll be quite blunt and to the point with most men. Women and couples I try to stand out from the crowd above all else. Once I've got their attention, I'll refer to their profile, photo or posts to show I've taken an interest in something in particular. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure about the interesting facts. I’d look and delete personally.
What makes me reply? Many things. A cool username, a great enticing profile pic. Something that makes me want to turn a yellow message into a white one.
When I open a message, I check to see if the person mailing me has sent a face pic. It’s important, I like to know who I’m talking to and I’ve requested one on my profile if someone makes contact. If no photo, instant delete. I look at public pics, look for a face or interesting photos that make me want to read more. Generic cock pics and too many and I hit the delete button. If I get that far, I read their profile, are they a smoker, what are they looking for, is the profile well written?
Veri’s... I look at those too...
Then if I’ve got that far, I’m hoping that far, I’ll go back to the message and read it. It doesn’t have to say loads, usually complimentary is nice because in turn I will thank them and if I like the look and sound of them, I’ll send a pic and tell them my name and ask about them.
It’s all about the first impressions and chemistreee!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The thing is there is so much competition from other men(the ratio must be 70-30)
I just find it pointless to write interesting/ long messages either because they get deleted straight away or never get read. I know it’s because the person I messaged has hundreds of messages already. I think it’s more to do with luck on here. Maybe I’m being too philosophical lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That’s another thing. I hate having my picture taken. I hate the way I look in pictures. I’ve been told I’m quite good looking. But when I look at my own pictures I think they are dreadful lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any suggestions? I think I’m a lost cause lol
Easy. Just be very good looking and enormously hung with rippling abs. Simple."
Oh, and sparklingly charming as well.
You'll probably get at least three replies then! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure about the interesting facts. I’d look and delete personally.
What makes me reply? Many things. A cool username, a great enticing profile pic. Something that makes me want to turn a yellow message into a white one.
When I open a message, I check to see if the person mailing me has sent a face pic. It’s important, I like to know who I’m talking to and I’ve requested one on my profile if someone makes contact. If no photo, instant delete. I look at public pics, look for a face or interesting photos that make me want to read more. Generic cock pics and too many and I hit the delete button. If I get that far, I read their profile, are they a smoker, what are they looking for, is the profile well written?
Veri’s... I look at those too...
Then if I’ve got that far, I’m hoping that far, I’ll go back to the message and read it. It doesn’t have to say loads, usually complimentary is nice because in turn I will thank them and if I like the look and sound of them, I’ll send a pic and tell them my name and ask about them.
It’s all about the first impressions and chemistreee!! "
That's how I approach EVERY message I get  Most don't make it out of yellow because I can tell they've not read my profile. Just seen my arse as a profile pic.
I'm tempted to send them a selfie with my beard and fag hanging out my mouth (currently drinking Stella 4 pack  ) and say... "You wanna flake in that luv?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't reply if it's clear they've made little effort with the message, little effort with their profile or not read mine.
A lot of people do. Why would i waste 1-2hrs of my day replying to men I don't want to meet?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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But that makes it all about you.
Consider the other person.
It’s only banter. Of course you will never meet 99.9% of these people , but they have taken the trouble to message you.
Maybe I’m being idealistic? |
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"But that makes it all about you.
Consider the other person.
It’s only banter. Of course you will never meet 99.9% of these people , but they have taken the trouble to message you.
Maybe I’m being idealistic?"
The FAQs say no response means not interested. Don't take it to heart and delete your sent messages  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I’m not enticed straight away, I’m probably not going to reply. Sometimes I ponder, or I’m at work, so it’s not appropriate for me to reply.
OP... Look at the profile you are writing to, check distance, mention something they may have written in their profile to show you’ve read it. Show interest in them. Check if you show compatibility. We are human beings, not commodities. I’m sorry, I didn’t stalk your profile before replying, but make sure your pics stand out, your bio. Everything makes a reply, not just an opening hello, love your profile, how’s you etc with a pic, it’s the whole bundle in one first impression that’s the make or break of a message x
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The worst thing is when they read it but don’t reply. I don’t know,but personally I think that’s rude. "
Well, having previously been a single guy on fab I completely get that.
However, as one half of a couple who briefly opened filters to single guys I can say that the number of messages becomes impossible.
And do remember that, when messaging a couple, you are often talking to the male half - respectful and non boastful messages (and profiles, for that matter) will work a lot better than "I'll fuck your slut with my enormous cock while you watch, cuck".
Not meant as a comment/criticism to you, OP  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I sort of realise that. And you are probably right. I’m not making the effort to stand out. I just perceive that half the time my messages don’t even get read. So what is the point of putting all that energy. That’s even more soul destroying lol |
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"But that makes it all about you.
Consider the other person.
It’s only banter. Of course you will never meet 99.9% of these people , but they have taken the trouble to message you.
Maybe I’m being idealistic?"
Probably. Most of the messages I get, the trouble is three words or a copy paste. Doesn't count as effort.
Replies sometimes result in abuse or not so subtle attempts to get me to change my mind. I tried when I first joined, but unfortunately replying when you're not interested isn't a winning strategy as a woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I sort of realise that. And you are probably right. I’m not making the effort to stand out. I just perceive that half the time my messages don’t even get read. So what is the point of putting all that energy. That’s even more soul destroying lol "
Having looked at your profile now I would actually say you're the sort of guy many couples are looking for (you're not bi so not for us, I'm afraid  ).
Your veri's suggest a relaxed, laid back, non pushy guy which appeals to many - keep at it, though I would suggest a little more detail on your profile! |
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"Talk about gardening
Girl like that shittt
Hahaha! Well that’s a different one
“How does your bush grow babe?”....
It’s a delete from me!  "
With silver bells and cockle shells, and pretty maids all in a row. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Of course I can’t answer from a woman’s perspective. But to be honest now I think about it, of course you are right.
I will say in my defence I have never abused anyone or if they have told me not interested I thanked them for replying and left it there.
I don’t know why someone wouldn’t take no for an answer. No means no. They are not going to change their mind. |
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"Of course I can’t answer from a woman’s perspective. But to be honest now I think about it, of course you are right.
I will say in my defence I have never abused anyone or if they have told me not interested I thanked them for replying and left it there.
I don’t know why someone wouldn’t take no for an answer. No means no. They are not going to change their mind. "
And I definitely appreciate that many guys aren't entitled morons. But many don't show their colours until you say no.
If it makes you feel better (ha), receiving dozens or more messages a day where they've put in the minimum effort to get your attention is a bit depressing, too. Particularly the gratuitously vile messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any suggestions? I think I’m a lost cause lol "
what is an interesting message
No matter what you write some poeple will like it, some poeple will think it is just ok and some people will think it is shit.
A lot of women and couples have said before they open a message they first read the persons profile. If the profile is shit the message gets ingored or deleted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any suggestions? I think I’m a lost cause lol
what is an interesting message
No matter what you write some poeple will like it, some poeple will think it is just ok and some people will think it is shit.
A lot of women and couples have said before they open a message they first read the persons profile. If the profile is shit the message gets ingored or deleted. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is there is so much competition from other men(the ratio must be 70-30)
I just find it pointless to write interesting/ long messages either because they get deleted straight away or never get read. I know it’s because the person I messaged has hundreds of messages already. I think it’s more to do with luck on here. Maybe I’m being too philosophical lol "
A one line message will not get you a meet. |
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"Not sure about the interesting facts. I’d look and delete personally.
What makes me reply? Many things. A cool username, a great enticing profile pic. Something that makes me want to turn a yellow message into a white one.
When I open a message, I check to see if the person mailing me has sent a face pic. It’s important, I like to know who I’m talking to and I’ve requested one on my profile if someone makes contact. If no photo, instant delete. I look at public pics, look for a face or interesting photos that make me want to read more. Generic cock pics and too many and I hit the delete button. If I get that far, I read their profile, are they a smoker, what are they looking for, is the profile well written?
Veri’s... I look at those too...
Then if I’ve got that far, I’m hoping that far, I’ll go back to the message and read it. It doesn’t have to say loads, usually complimentary is nice because in turn I will thank them and if I like the look and sound of them, I’ll send a pic and tell them my name and ask about them.
It’s all about the first impressions and chemistreee!! "
this is spot on, i also don't reply to one lines "hey how are you?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The worst thing is when they read it but don’t reply. I don’t know,but personally I think that’s rude. "
It is not rude if they dont reply.
No reply equals no thanks.
Would having an inbox full of no thank you replies make you feel any better |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Personally yes I would prefer that. At least they have taken the time to respond. I don’t write one line messages. I’m not pushy or rude.
I just think it’s too many men. Women getting inundated with messages. It’s pot luck lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally yes I would prefer that. At least they have taken the time to respond. I don’t write one line messages. I’m not pushy or rude.
I just think it’s too many men. Women getting inundated with messages. It’s pot luck lol "
Which is WHY you have to stand out with your profile, because once a woman or couple get a message, they look at the profile pic, check for a face pic and all those things I said earlier. Bling the message, bling the profile, and send a nice brief message with a pic. Don’t be mr ‘wassup babe’ or ‘you look nice’, stand out.
Z x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Thing is OP there is no magic formula to writing a message other than the one you find for you that works and even then what may work for one person won't work for another - which is why tailoring a message to the individual and what you think might work for them is key.
I very very rarely send completely cold messages to people I've not interacted with somehow or who haven't invited it (e.g. on the forums) - in almost 3 years I've sent about 6 "cold" messages, all but one of which received a reply - "my" formula starts with having a decent profile (at least I think it is) and pics (as that will often be looked at before a message is even opened) - then if I'm messaging someone cold I'll introduce myself, tell them why I am writing and what I like about their profile, as well as why I think we'd potentially be a good match, invite them to take a look at my profile and get back to me if they like what they see - I'll usually leave a couple of questions in there too, so they have something to reply to if they choose to. Now that's what works for me, and may or may not for others - which brings me back to you have to find your thing and what works for you and make it come from you, showing your personality - no-one can do it for you.
Don't let a lack of replies get to you either - the reasons people have given above are all valid - as a bi guy open to meeting other guys I get my share of messages from men, so have a flavour of what kind of thing they send - 99% of them get deleted unread as I can see they're of the "wanna meet now for a BJ" variety.
The key to having a good experience from the site though is a decent profile and pics and having the right approach, attitude and expectations - get those right and you might not be guaranteed anything, but you'll find it a lot less frustrating.
The forums and group socials are a good way to get to know people and get yourself known too
P.S. If you use the reply and quote button we know who you're replying to |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thing is OP there is no magic formula to writing a message other than the one you find for you that works and even then what may work for one person won't work for another - which is why tailoring a message to the individual and what you think might work for them is key.
I very very rarely send completely cold messages to people I've not interacted with somehow or who haven't invited it (e.g. on the forums) - in almost 3 years I've sent about 6 "cold" messages, all but one of which received a reply - "my" formula starts with having a decent profile (at least I think it is) and pics (as that will often be looked at before a message is even opened) - then if I'm messaging someone cold I'll introduce myself, tell them why I am writing and what I like about their profile, as well as why I think we'd potentially be a good match, invite them to take a look at my profile and get back to me if they like what they see - I'll usually leave a couple of questions in there too, so they have something to reply to if they choose to. Now that's what works for me, and may or may not for others - which brings me back to you have to find your thing and what works for you and make it come from you, showing your personality - no-one can do it for you.
Don't let a lack of replies get to you either - the reasons people have given above are all valid - as a bi guy open to meeting other guys I get my share of messages from men, so have a flavour of what kind of thing they send - 99% of them get deleted unread as I can see they're of the "wanna meet now for a BJ" variety.
The key to having a good experience from the site though is a decent profile and pics and having the right approach, attitude and expectations - get those right and you might not be guaranteed anything, but you'll find it a lot less frustrating.
The forums and group socials are a good way to get to know people and get yourself known too
P.S. If you use the reply and quote button we know who you're replying to "
Maybe I’m too sensitive for fab lol
If I never sent cold messages I would be waiting for doomsday for someone to message me lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally yes I would prefer that. At least they have taken the time to respond. I don’t write one line messages. I’m not pushy or rude.
I just think it’s too many men. Women getting inundated with messages. It’s pot luck lol
Which is WHY you have to stand out with your profile, because once a woman or couple get a message, they look at the profile pic, check for a face pic and all those things I said earlier. Bling the message, bling the profile, and send a nice brief message with a pic. Don’t be mr ‘wassup babe’ or ‘you look nice’, stand out.
Z x"
Maybe you could give an example of a message that has caught your eye recently |
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"But that makes it all about you.
Consider the other person.
It’s only banter. Of course you will never meet 99.9% of these people , but they have taken the trouble to message you.
Maybe I’m being idealistic?"
OP it is all about me!
I'm here to fulfill MY fantasies, not to provide a service for the hundreds of men who contact me.
I actually meet a large number of people that I choose to chat to on here. This is because I am very selective on who I choose to chat with and don't hold too many conversations at once. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thing is OP there is no magic formula to writing a message other than the one you find for you that works and even then what may work for one person won't work for another - which is why tailoring a message to the individual and what you think might work for them is key.
I very very rarely send completely cold messages to people I've not interacted with somehow or who haven't invited it (e.g. on the forums) - in almost 3 years I've sent about 6 "cold" messages, all but one of which received a reply - "my" formula starts with having a decent profile (at least I think it is) and pics (as that will often be looked at before a message is even opened) - then if I'm messaging someone cold I'll introduce myself, tell them why I am writing and what I like about their profile, as well as why I think we'd potentially be a good match, invite them to take a look at my profile and get back to me if they like what they see - I'll usually leave a couple of questions in there too, so they have something to reply to if they choose to. Now that's what works for me, and may or may not for others - which brings me back to you have to find your thing and what works for you and make it come from you, showing your personality - no-one can do it for you.
Don't let a lack of replies get to you either - the reasons people have given above are all valid - as a bi guy open to meeting other guys I get my share of messages from men, so have a flavour of what kind of thing they send - 99% of them get deleted unread as I can see they're of the "wanna meet now for a BJ" variety.
The key to having a good experience from the site though is a decent profile and pics and having the right approach, attitude and expectations - get those right and you might not be guaranteed anything, but you'll find it a lot less frustrating.
The forums and group socials are a good way to get to know people and get yourself known too
P.S. If you use the reply and quote button we know who you're replying to "
You're too nice for your own good. Will you write a book with me? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Maybe I’m too sensitive for fab lol
If I never sent cold messages I would be waiting for doomsday for someone to message me lol "
It's not a question of being too sensitive though, more a question of finding what works for you - the reason I don't send many "cold" messages? Firstly I find it a bit clinical and awkward, and more importantly I'd only send a cold message if I really felt there was a good chance of there being a connection with the person, and you often can't get that from a profile alone.
I found spending time on the forums and attending group socials worked best for me - you can get an idea of the person behind the profile, interact with them a little, and spark conversations from there.
As I often say to guys looking for advice here - forget about the whole number imbalance thing, it's true it exists if you look purely at numbers, but take away the guys that don't "get" the site, that make minimal effort with their profiles, and have the wrong approach, attitude and expectations, and the numbers are a lot more evenly balanced. The only person you are in competition with is yourself, you have everything within your power to enjoy the site (even if it still doesn't guarantee you a meet) it's up to you to make the changes that achieve that, rather than blaming other factors for it not doing so |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thing is OP there is no magic formula to writing a message other than the one you find for you that works and even then what may work for one person won't work for another - which is why tailoring a message to the individual and what you think might work for them is key.
I very very rarely send completely cold messages to people I've not interacted with somehow or who haven't invited it (e.g. on the forums) - in almost 3 years I've sent about 6 "cold" messages, all but one of which received a reply - "my" formula starts with having a decent profile (at least I think it is) and pics (as that will often be looked at before a message is even opened) - then if I'm messaging someone cold I'll introduce myself, tell them why I am writing and what I like about their profile, as well as why I think we'd potentially be a good match, invite them to take a look at my profile and get back to me if they like what they see - I'll usually leave a couple of questions in there too, so they have something to reply to if they choose to. Now that's what works for me, and may or may not for others - which brings me back to you have to find your thing and what works for you and make it come from you, showing your personality - no-one can do it for you.
Don't let a lack of replies get to you either - the reasons people have given above are all valid - as a bi guy open to meeting other guys I get my share of messages from men, so have a flavour of what kind of thing they send - 99% of them get deleted unread as I can see they're of the "wanna meet now for a BJ" variety.
The key to having a good experience from the site though is a decent profile and pics and having the right approach, attitude and expectations - get those right and you might not be guaranteed anything, but you'll find it a lot less frustrating.
The forums and group socials are a good way to get to know people and get yourself known too
P.S. If you use the reply and quote button we know who you're replying to
You're too nice for your own good. Will you write a book with me?"
Fantasy or fiction? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thing is OP there is no magic formula to writing a message other than the one you find for you that works and even then what may work for one person won't work for another - which is why tailoring a message to the individual and what you think might work for them is key.
I very very rarely send completely cold messages to people I've not interacted with somehow or who haven't invited it (e.g. on the forums) - in almost 3 years I've sent about 6 "cold" messages, all but one of which received a reply - "my" formula starts with having a decent profile (at least I think it is) and pics (as that will often be looked at before a message is even opened) - then if I'm messaging someone cold I'll introduce myself, tell them why I am writing and what I like about their profile, as well as why I think we'd potentially be a good match, invite them to take a look at my profile and get back to me if they like what they see - I'll usually leave a couple of questions in there too, so they have something to reply to if they choose to. Now that's what works for me, and may or may not for others - which brings me back to you have to find your thing and what works for you and make it come from you, showing your personality - no-one can do it for you.
Don't let a lack of replies get to you either - the reasons people have given above are all valid - as a bi guy open to meeting other guys I get my share of messages from men, so have a flavour of what kind of thing they send - 99% of them get deleted unread as I can see they're of the "wanna meet now for a BJ" variety.
The key to having a good experience from the site though is a decent profile and pics and having the right approach, attitude and expectations - get those right and you might not be guaranteed anything, but you'll find it a lot less frustrating.
The forums and group socials are a good way to get to know people and get yourself known too
P.S. If you use the reply and quote button we know who you're replying to
You're too nice for your own good. Will you write a book with me?
Fantasy or fiction?"
Fact |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thing is OP there is no magic formula to writing a message other than the one you find for you that works and even then what may work for one person won't work for another - which is why tailoring a message to the individual and what you think might work for them is key.
I very very rarely send completely cold messages to people I've not interacted with somehow or who haven't invited it (e.g. on the forums) - in almost 3 years I've sent about 6 "cold" messages, all but one of which received a reply - "my" formula starts with having a decent profile (at least I think it is) and pics (as that will often be looked at before a message is even opened) - then if I'm messaging someone cold I'll introduce myself, tell them why I am writing and what I like about their profile, as well as why I think we'd potentially be a good match, invite them to take a look at my profile and get back to me if they like what they see - I'll usually leave a couple of questions in there too, so they have something to reply to if they choose to. Now that's what works for me, and may or may not for others - which brings me back to you have to find your thing and what works for you and make it come from you, showing your personality - no-one can do it for you.
Don't let a lack of replies get to you either - the reasons people have given above are all valid - as a bi guy open to meeting other guys I get my share of messages from men, so have a flavour of what kind of thing they send - 99% of them get deleted unread as I can see they're of the "wanna meet now for a BJ" variety.
The key to having a good experience from the site though is a decent profile and pics and having the right approach, attitude and expectations - get those right and you might not be guaranteed anything, but you'll find it a lot less frustrating.
The forums and group socials are a good way to get to know people and get yourself known too
P.S. If you use the reply and quote button we know who you're replying to
You're too nice for your own good. Will you write a book with me?
Fantasy or fiction?
Fact"
I know, was messing with you |
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